I Did It All!--And It Was Nothing but Husks, Husks, Husks!

October 8, 2003

Table of Contents




Copyright: Sept.1990, by Family Services, Zurich, Switzerland.


Introduction to Teens & Adults

God bless you! We love you very much! We have added an introduction to this Traumatic Testimony to offer some guidelines about how to read it in order to get the most out of it. PTL!

2. This Traumatic Testimony is very thought-provoking & more shocking than the ones that have been published previously. It is strong meat! Therefore, we ask that when you Teens read it for the first time, you read it with an adult so you can Pow-Wow any questions that come up. After having read it with an adult & thoroughly discussing it, if you choose to read it again at a later date, you can do so on your own. Thanks!

3. As you will notice, this Traumatic Testimony has more Points to Pow-Wow at the end than usual, as well as the addition of Discussion Questions & Notes of explanation throughout the text. The Discussion Questions are numbered, & you'll will find the corresponding number & the note [See Q.#__ ] within the testimony, indicating which Discussion Questions relate to which particular parts of the story. We hope these study helps will be a blessing to you. We have tried to anticipate many of your questions & have included them in the Discussion Questions, but it is likely that many more will come up. So please feel free to ask your Shepherds any questions that you might have about this Traumatic Testimony. Of course, they may not have all the answers right on the spot to every question you might ask—but if they aren't quite sure they can always counsel with other adults & research the Word to find the answers. Jesus has the answers to all our questions—so please feel free to ask if you don't understand something! That's very important!

4. This Traumatic Testimony is much longer than usual & because there will probably be quite a bit of discussion & explanation throughout, it will probably take you several sittings to finish reading it. Please don't feel like you need to be in a hurry & just plow through it. On the other hand, however, we would like to suggest that if possible you try to complete your reading of this testimony within three or four days. The reason for this is simply because there are many other subjects that you Teens need to read & study in order to be inspired & strengthened spiritually for your many duties & responsibilities.—And since the subject matter of this Traumatic Testimony is quite "heavy" & not especially uplifting, you would not want to have a steady diet of it for more than three or four days maximum.

5. Also, we would suggest that all the Teens who hear this testimony take the time to write reactions to it. It's very important that you share with your Shepherds or parents about how this testimony affected you, how you feel about it & what you learned from it. Thanks! (If possible, please send in any reactions that you feel would be a blessing to others & we will try to pub some of them in subsequent TSMs.)

6. A good thing to keep in mind while reading this Traumatic Testimony is that it has a happy ending!—No matter how much pain & suffering Auntie Crystal had to go through, she is now very happy. She has a loving husband, she's a Teen Shepherdess with a very fruitful ministry, she is loved by the Teens she works with, & she's very happy serving the Lord. PTL! So you don't need to worry or fear, because she didn't suffer any permanent damage or injury through her experiences.

7. We're sure you will be encouraged to see that Mama Maria had the opportunity to read Auntie Crystal's Traumatic Testimony while it was being edited & prepared for publication. There are several very inspiring comments & reactions from her included in the Discussion Questions & Notes! She called this Traumatic Testimony "a handbook on the evils of the System!" PTL!

8. Mama Maria explained that this Traumatic Testimony has several purposes: It's not only to help open your eyes to the horrors of the System so you won't want to go through the same thing, but it's also to show you what others go through so you can have more understanding, sympathy & compassion for them. She commented: "I'd like to say to our Teens, `Look, kids, this is the World you're looking at as you read Auntie Crystal's testimony! This is the way the World really is! Crystal is like a composite of all those people that you meet & witness to every day. The problems she had then are their problems now! The things that you're reading about right here in this testimony are the things System people go through all the time. So when you read this testimony, don't think of just one person, just one girl who went through all of these things, think of the World! These are the problems the World goes through all the time!'"

9. We pray this Traumatic Testimony is a blessing to you. We love you very much & pray for you! God bless you!

10. P.S. A word to the adults who will be reading this Traumatic Testimony with the Teens: We'd like to suggest that you please try to be very well prepared before reading this TSM with the Teens. Please read the testimony carefully beforehand & prayerfully study all the Discussion Questions, Notes & Points to Pow-Wow.

11. There are several ways in which you could read this TSM. If you are reading with older Teens you might want to read four or five pages & then go back & discuss the Discussion Questions & Notes. With younger Teens it would probably be best to answer all questions & discuss each section thoroughly before moving on to the next section.

12. Regardless of exactly how you choose to read this TSM, with older or younger Teens alike, we would like to caution you to be very careful to answer any & all questions that may come up at each sitting. Thorough discussion is essential in order for this Traumatic Testimony to be the teaching tool that we pray it will be. On the other hand, please do not feel obligated to discuss every single Discussion Question—you can choose the ones that you feel are needed & would be the most helpful. You might also think of other Discussion Questions that are needed for your particular group of Teens.

13. If you have the time & personnel available, it might be good to divide your Teens into different age groups. This way you can progress at an appropriate pace for each age group, & you won't be going too slow for the older ones or too fast for the younger ones.

14. When reading with younger Teens, please feel free to omit any details or graphic descriptions that you feel would be too traumatic for your audience to bear.

15. We pray this TSM will be a blessing! God bless you! We love you & are praying for you!

—Your TSM Editors


—How a Life Filled with Sex, Alcohol, Drugs & Travel Became a Nightmare of Fear & Emptiness!

By Auntie Crystal (Teen Shepherdess), Far East Teen Home

16. I'm sure you don't know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night & hear your parents beating each other! I can tell you, it's really scary to think they could maybe even kill each other. Nightly I would hear & view the horrors of my mom & dad screaming at each other & hitting each other. My mother was too deathly afraid to call the police for fear he'd beat her up even worse if she did! Nightly my brothers & sisters & I would cry ourselves to sleep, praying that Mommy wouldn't die & that Daddy would pass out so the house would be quiet again. That sounds like Hell, doesn't it? Well, that's just the beginning of my story! See Q.#1

My Father Was a Drunken, Violent Madman!

17. We lived in constant fear of my father's wrath. My father would often drink so much he would get drunk & the next day, when he was sober, he would be nursing a hangover, & he would be meaner than ever. To have a "hangover" is an expression which means you drank so much that your body has been poisoned by the alcohol or other chemicals in the liquor. With a hangover you usually have a bad headache, you often throw up (sometimes many times), your hands tremble, & you can't eat anything because you're so nauseated!—Generally, you feel really terrible!

18. So when my dad was like this, he'd have violent rages with us kids. One time he knocked my sister out the second floor window! He was constantly whacking, slapping & hitting my brother & myself, & making negative comments that we weren't his kids & that my mother probably had us by some other man. He really believed this & treated us like Hell.

19. My father was an ex-Army sergeant, & he ran our home & us kids the same way he'd run the Army barracks. The five of us marched to the table & didn't speak. He'd shoot a gun with blanks* over our heads if he wanted to get our attention. He'd put his big feet up on the table with his Army boots on & would dictate whatever he wanted us to do. He probably learned to be cruel & abusive to people through his years of being an officer in the murderous, evil U. S. Army! Thank the Lord we don't run our Army of the Lord in the same crazy, horrible, demonic way that the World runs their armies!—And our Family "sergeants" (Shepherds) are loving & kind! (*blanks: bullets that just make a loud noise, but don't cause harm)

20. My poor mom was in fear & trembling of what my father might do to her or us kids. When he would bring home his paycheck, she would have to hide it from him because she needed the money to buy food & pay the bills, otherwise he would take the money & spend it on liquor for himself. But even though she tried to hide the money, many times he still found it & spent it. He often would "drink up" the money we needed to buy food, so we lived very close to the edge of hunger. I'm sure you don't know what it would be like to have to go hungry a lot of the time because your father spent the money on booze (alcohol) instead of taking care of you! See Q.# 2,3

21. My father was like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, he'd transform in front of our eyes. Surely this was inspired by the Devil, because one minute he'd be Mr. Nice Guy & almost fun to be with, & then he'd turn into a demonic monster! It was like living with the Devil himself, & we never knew what his next evil tactic would be. For our little minds, it was too hard to comprehend. We wanted to love him because he was our daddy, but at the same time we couldn't trust him. We only learned to fear him. (Note: "Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde" is a much-used expression referring to a horror movie by that title. It is the story of a scientist, Dr. Jekyll, who would transform into an evil villain, Mr. Hyde, at night.)

22. When he was drunk, he'd keep me up real late at night making me listen to his sob stories about what a bad life he'd had. Listening to hour upon hour of his nightly talks in his drunken state was torment! I'd have to endure the same old "poor me" stories until he'd pass out. Then he'd curl up on the floor, cover himself with a throw rug, & sleep until he coughed himself into consciousness. Often he'd go out of the house drunk, & as a result, he'd get beaten up or what was known then as "rolled & robbed"—beaten up & robbed!

23. We made frequent visits to the hospital after his drunken escapades, where we'd find him brutally beaten up & miserable. He'd often be so drunk he'd misplace his car & report to the police it was stolen—when actually he had just lost it. One night they found his car parked on top of a gravestone in the local graveyard!

24. Thank the Lord you don't have parents like mine! I hope hearing this really makes you count your blessings that your parents love you & have faith in you.—And they love the Lord & know how to communicate with you & lovingly work out any problems you may encounter. Of course, I realise your parents aren't perfect, & maybe you sometimes feel misunderstood or maybe you get offended or sensitive about the way you're treated, but I hope this helps you realise how good you've got it!

25. Living in an atmosphere like this caused me so much fear & confusion!—I didn't know who to turn to for help, & we certainly weren't directed to Jesus like you teens are! Our parents didn't have the answers & didn't know how to help us! In the Family, we have so many people who are willing to spend time explaining things if we don't understand, & we get so much comfort. But System homes just don't work that way.—In the System, if you can even talk to your parents about anything meaningful at all it's a real breakthrough. When I was young, the only times I talked with my parents were when they screamed at me when I was being punished. In my family, we never talked about anything very personal or communicated deeply with each other from our hearts because we hardly knew each other. We had walls between us that had been built up by our fears & pride & lack of love. We had no unity, no common goals in our lives which melted us together.—And most of all, we didn't have the Lord's Love or the wonderful recourse of prayer & confessing our faults & forgiveness like we do in the Family!

26. I can remember having no peace as a child! Our home always seemed to be having tragedy after tragedy. The life I now have in the Family is such a wonderful change!

Discussion Questions

1) Why do you think Auntie Crystal's mother continued to live with her father when he treated her so horribly?

  1. a) For security—he had a job & paid the bills
  2. b) Because she felt she had nowhere else to go
  3. c) Because she was afraid that he might hurt her worse if she confronted him about leaving
  4. d) She might have felt having a "bad" father was better than no father at all for her children
  5. e) She probably felt she couldn't handle her rebellious kids
  6. f) She felt bound by her Catholic traditions of having to stay with her husband
  7. g) All of the above

—Can you think of more possible reasons? Discuss.

Note about what it means to "get drunk": If you drink too much, you get drunk, which means you don't have much control over your actions. Drinking alcohol can have different effects on different people.—Some people get silly & foolish. Some people fall asleep. Some people get talkative & let their guard down. And some people, like Auntie Crystal's father, become yielded to the Enemy & become violent & depressed. Also, drinking too much alcohol causes you to do things you wouldn't normally do. You also can get off guard & unwise when you've had too much to drink. (See also Pow-Wow Point #6 on page 32.)

2) Child Abuse is a big issue now in the System. It is a serious problem in ungodly System families. In the U.S. alone, there are supposedly 2.2 million abused & neglected children. Why do you think Child Abuse would be a growing problem in the Last Days?—What do you think causes parents to treat their children badly?

3) As you recently learned in the article, "Don't Be Ignorant of the Devil's Devices" (GN 430), the Devil is also using this Child Abuse issue to try to stop our Work for the Lord, as our enemies have falsely tried to accuse us of Child Abuse. Looking at the example of how Auntie Crystal's father treated his children, can you see what constitutes true Child Abuse?

  1. a) The children were in actual danger.
  2. b) They were being physically injured.
  3. c) They didn't have enough food.
  4. d) They were emotionally mistreated through their father's rampages & drunken state, so they were victims of fear & insecurity.
  5. e) All of the above

—Can you think of more examples of what constitutes true Child Abuse? Discuss.

Note about demon possession: Auntie Crystal talks about her father changing his personality right before her eyes changing from being nice to being very cruel & violent. This horrible change would happen because he yielded to the Devil! He was what is now commonly known as a schizophrenic. Grandpa says: "The doctors & psychiatrists will usually dismiss it as a mental disorder, an insanity, schizophrenia, they often call it.—The most common mental ailment in the World today, & it is nothing but plain old demon possession, an evil spiritual personality living in that body!" (ML #686:11,12, DB 8.)

At Age 12, I Became Known as a Whore!

27. Because there was no real love in my home, I ventured out to get it from different boys. I was desperate to be comforted & to feel loved, & the only avenue I saw to find what I thought I needed was through having sex with the boys. I didn't really understand what love was & I didn't know how to express love, but I found if I had sex with boys they would pay attention to me—at least for a little while. I didn't really know what sex was all about, no one had talked to me about sex or explained to me about how to make love or anything, I just tried to figure it out as I went along. I just desperately needed for someone to hold me & care for me—so I reached out in the only way I thought was possible, & that was through freely fucking almost anybody who was interested. I was so lost & desperate for real love.

28. Twenty-five years ago, it was quite a shocking thing for a young girl to be having sex at the age of 12, so I quickly got a reputation of being a "whore". After rumours were spread around that I was a "loose girl" (free with sex), I was besieged by every horny boy in the neighbourhood, & also boys from miles around. My name was posted in every phone booth, on walls that displayed graffiti*, & even at the corner store where my parents bought their daily milk & bread.—There, advertised on the trash can in big bold colours, were my name & phone number & where I could be located. Beside this advertisement was a picture of a pig, because that's what they called girls like me, "pigs"! I was the talk of the town. (*graffiti: words or drawings scratched or painted on a wall)

29. I didn't even know what an orgasm was for years. I was just someone for boys to "get off" with. They didn't care for me, they just wanted to have their needs met, & since word had gotten around that I was usually willing to fuck boys, they'd say nice complimentary things to get me to do what they wanted, then afterwards they'd make fun of me or act like they didn't even know me. They were so selfish & mean to me.—They just used me to satisfy their own needs & then they treated me like dirt. When I'd walk past the boys who hung out near my house, they'd throw things at me & make the sound you make when calling pigs. The girlfriends of the boys I was having sex with would badger me, really cut me down & spit at me. I'd sometimes stand up to them & say, "Well, why don't you help these poor boys so they don't have to always be coming to me?", & they'd get furious & want to pull my hair out. See Q.# 4

Cruel Rape & "Gang Bangs"!

30. I'd often get cornered by different guys who wanted sex. Many times they would take me against my will to the woods or they'd just fuck me right on the ground, under cars, on steps, in basements, in all kinds of quick convenient places! (—Even once in a police car! After the first guy raped me, the officer proceeded to do the same thing!) A few times I tried to fight or resist, & as a result I have a broken tooth from getting punched out.

31. I'd frequently be involved in "gang bangs" as they called them, where many guys would line up & wait to "screw" me one after the other. (I can't call it "making love" because that's not what they were doing, there was no love at all in it!) I'd have to plead & beg to get out of these situations. After such traumatic experiences, I'd arrive home late!—And then, on top of it all, I'd get punished for being late. I felt that I couldn't tell my parents that I'd just been raped.

32. It was really a lonely existence. I didn't have many friends. My only friends were other girls who were also like me. We'd try to act like we didn't care, but I really cried a lot as a teen. I thought in the back of my mind that I'd kill myself if I could find an easy way, but was afraid to see God in the state I was in. I didn't know much about Heaven or Hell, or wherever I was going to go.

33. I remember every night before I'd go to sleep I'd pray, "Whoever You are Up There, please help me to understand." I'd often pray to Mary Magdalene, as I felt she'd be the only one Up There who would understand me. I even took her name as my Patron Saint at my Confirmation. (Note: In the Catholic Church when children become young adults they have Confirmation, which is like the Jewish Bar Mitzvah. At Confirmation the young people choose their Patron Saint, who they would like to be their Guardian Angel.)

Discussion Question

4) Why do you think Auntie Crystal kept having so much sex even if she wasn't enjoying it & the boys treated her so badly?

  1. a) Because she didn't know what real love was, & having sex was the only way she thought she could get some love & comfort.
  2. b) She was lonely.
  3. c) She felt sorry for the boys.
  4. d) She wanted to be accepted & have friends.
  5. e) The boys were desperate for sex & they had heard that she was "loose" & would give it to them, so they forced themselves upon her.
  6. f) All of the above

—Can you think of more possible reasons? Discuss.

I Became Totally Rebellious!

34. At this point, things were getting really bad at my house. My father's temper got more explosive & I got more rebellious to anything he told me. I was becoming more of a teen terror! I started lying to my parents about my whereabouts. I knew if I told them what I was really doing I'd get punished. Many of the things that I was doing were very wrong, & I did need discipline & direction, but I didn't want to listen to anything my parents said! I'd lost all faith in them & their love for me. I was totally rebellious & I was becoming more & more of a mess. At this point I made a choice that I would do anything to get away from them.

A Beautiful Dream Became a Nightmare!

35. One night I told my parents I was spending the night with my girlfriend, but our real plan was to meet up with two guys who had a real nice convertible (open top) car, & we were going to go to "lover's lane" to spend some time with them kissing & drinking some wine. We were planning to stay out all night. This fellow I was with treated me so nice, I felt like a dream had come true.—Finally someone was treating me decently. We drank wine under the moonlight, listened to the Beatles on the radio & we sweetly made love in the car. We had such a beautiful time, we talked until the Sun came up!

36. Reality was about to catch up with me though: At home my father was drunk, & had been snooping in the dresser drawers in my sister's & my room & read my sister's diary! Through her diary he found out that we had been skipping out on church. He was so self-righteous about going to church; it didn't matter what we did all week, but if we missed church, that was a sacrilege* that was unheard of! (*sacrilege: severe disrespect for something religious) See Q.# 5,6

37. So in the early morning following my date, as I was walking home, I was surprised to see my father as I came around the corner! I wasn't expecting to see him! Fear struck my heart! I thought, "What is he doing up so early? What's going on?!" When he saw me he grabbed me, threw me in the car, beat my face & spit on me, & screamed, "You dirty little whore, I hate you!"

38. It turned out that after he found my sister's diary, he freaked out & started screaming & ranting, threatening to kill my sister. Then he called my friend's house where I was supposed to be staying & I wasn't there!—So he had cruised the neighbourhood in his car all night looking for me.

39. My sister just couldn't take it any more!—She had gone in her bedroom & tried to commit suicide! Later that morning the police came to my house to take me in for a medical examination, because my father reported that I was molested the night before & he wanted to "get the guy"! All I could do was cry. The beautiful evening that I'd had the night before had turned into a nightmare! The only remains from the night before was the Beatles' song that was ringing in my ears, "Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play, now I need a place to hide away..." That was my heartcry!

40. The doctors & police women could tell from the examination that I had made love recently & they wanted me to sign a confession telling them who I had been with. The fellow I had been with was 19 years old & I was only 15, & if I reported him, he'd be charged with rape & sent to jail. So to avoid him being put in jail, I lied & said I didn't even know his name. It was very humbling for me & made me look like a real "whore", because it looked like I had made love to someone without even knowing his name! But, in spite of how humiliating it was, I refused to give his name. See Q.# 7,8,9

Discussion Questions

5) Do you feel it was very hypocritical for Auntie Crystal's father, a violent drunk man who beat his wife & kids, to insist that his kids go to church?

Note about the beliefs of the Catholic Church: The Catholics believe that not going to church is a "mortal sin". The Catholic Church teaches that if you die after having committed a "mortal sin", for example, if you die after having missed going to church—you go straight to Hell! Of course, we know that is ridiculous!

6) Can you think of reasons why Auntie Crystal's father would make his kids go to church?

  1. a) He felt guilty.
  2. b) He was bound by the laws of the Catholic Church.
  3. c) It made him feel more "righteous" if he fulfilled what he thought were his duties as a Catholic father.
  4. d) He might have been trying to make a good impression in the community.
  5. e) He was a self-righteous hypocrite.
  6. f) All of the above

—Can you think of more possible reasons? Discuss.

7) When Auntie Crystal had a physical examination, the doctors saw that she had had sex the night before. Did you notice that it was not Auntie Crystal who was going to get in trouble for having sex when she was underage, it was the man they were after! She was 15 years old, he was 19 years old. Can you see why Auntie Crystal refused to tell the authorities the name of the boy she had been with? She pretended she didn't know his name. Do you think she did the right thing?

Note about System punishment for adult/teen sex: In the System, if an adult man has sex with an under-aged girl, even if it is with her consent or even if she asks for it, the man can be charged with a serious crime called "statutory rape". He can go to jail for many years for this crime.

8) Auntie Crystal was willing to be greatly humiliated in order to protect the young man she had made love to, & she pretended she didn't know his name. Why do you think that was so humbling for Auntie Crystal? Do you think Auntie Crystal was being selfish or loving? Was she thinking more of her own pride & reputation?—Or of the boy's future & what a serious penalty he might have to pay for having made love to her?

9) We all recently learned lots of very important lessons in a Letter called, "Flirty Little Teens Beware". After hearing this part of Auntie Crystal's testimony, can you see more clearly the dangers of adult/teen sex & how the System is very serious about that "crime"? Discuss.

The Court Sent Me to an Institution!

41. I was sent to court the following week. The judge said I was an "incorrigible minor" (incorrigible meaning incurably bad). I was sentenced to an institution called "The House of the Good Shepherd", which was the better of the two institutions in my town that took in foster childen & wayward girls who needed help & encouragement. This institution had a lot of restrictions. I belive it was an answer to my desperate prayers, because shortly after I had begged God to help me, I was sent away from my parents to this place.

42. There, for the first time in as long as I could remember, I could get a good night's sleep without all the arguments & madness. The nun who took care of the group of girls I was with was named Sister David, & she had quite a broken heart for us.

43. I was very lonely in the institution, because I had gotten accustomed to going out a lot at night & being with lots of people, so at first it was an adjustment because I didn't know anyone & I couldn't go out at night to "party". Although I learned a few "new tricks" from the other juvenile delinquent girls in there, at least I excelled in my schoolwork & made straight A's. At last I had some peace. I even thought of becoming a nun. I started going to church every day just because it gave me some peace of mind. No one shared with me about Salvation, but still going to church helped me feel closer to Jesus.

44. I feel the Lord really used this institution to protect me from myself & the World outside, as I was getting so rebellious & really going bad. I'm sure I would have killed myself had I not gone into this place, so it was really the Lord's answer for me at that time.

45. After a year in the institution I was released to go back home. While I was away, my parents had been going through an adult rehabilitation program to help them change also, but because they didn't have the Lord & His solutions, they didn't make much progress. After I got released & returned home, I found that very little had changed there. The first evening home, my father got drunk & proceeded to harass me. I decided to run away! I didn't go too far, my aunt took me in. She hated my father & his treatment of me, so it was comforting to know she could see the situation. Nonetheless, she really wasn't the best mother. She wanted to be what she thought was "liberal & understanding", so she had no standard of discipline, & my cousins & I were left to ourselves a lot. Now that I look back on it, I can see that this "total freedom" that my aunt allowed me really wasn't good for me at all. I actually did much better in the restricted atmosphere of the reform school. With so much freedom, I just went wild & got into more & more trouble! I was able to do all the things I thought were going to make me happy, but I wasn't happy at all! See Q.# 10-13

Discussion Questions

10) In paragraph 33, Auntie Crystal says she prayed every night. Do you think her getting sent to "The House of the Good Shepherd" was an answer to her prayers? In what ways did her life improve after she went there?

  1. a) She could sleep.
  2. b) She had peace.
  3. c) She didn't have to listen to her parents argue.
  4. d) She was getting good grades.
  5. e) She started feeling closer to Jesus by going to church.
  6. f) All of the above

—Can you see any other ways her life improved?

11) Do you think Sister David was a good teen shepherdess? Did her care bear good fruit in Auntie Crystal's life? Why then do you think Auntie Crystal went right back to her mischievous rebellious behaviour as soon as she got out? Why wasn't the change in Auntie Crystal's life a lasting one?

  1. a) She hadn't gotten saved or had a change of heart.
  2. b) She went right back to her "old stomping grounds" & was tempted in her weak areas again.
  3. c) She was still searching.
  4. d) All of the above.

—Can you think of other reasons why Auntie Crystal kept being so rebellious? Discuss.

12) If you go to a Teen Camp or a Victor Program & the Lord brings about some big changes in your life, what do you need to do to ensure that those changes will be lasting?

  1. a) Keep working on your NWOs
  2. b) Keep praying
  3. c) Continue to openly confess your problems & ask for prayer when needed
  4. d) Stay open to reminders & receiving correction
  5. e) Make a commitment that you won't backslide into past bad habits
  6. f) All of the above

—Can you think of more ways to keep from falling back into your old ruts of bad behaviour & attitudes? Discuss.

13) Can you think of another Traumatic Testimony you have read about reform school? (See HOPE #10) Discuss how most reform schools are not like "The House of the Good Shepherd", especially now, 20 years later!

With No Heartbeat, I Was Dead!

46. One evening my cousins & I went out with about 20 other teens to a big lake party. I met this really good-looking guy & I wanted him to notice me. I was showing off. Being stupid & foolish, I decided to drink down a whole bottle of wine in one shot! It was real cheap wine, like the kind the poor alcoholics drank. Shortly after I drank it, I became very sick & fainted on the ground.—But the party just continued. No one paid too much attention to me & my bad state.

47. Then two guys decided they wanted to go to my house & have a party. My parents were gone & they wanted to have some more fun. They started arguing over who would carry me. One would carry me, then drop me & they'd fight, then one would pick me up & run with me, & drop me again. Then one of the guys said, "Oh, she just needs some sex," & he proceeded to jump on me, but he then realised that my heart wasn't beating like it should.

48. With all the commotion everyone was making, the neighbours started coming out to see what was going on. They found 20 teens drunk out of their minds, yelling, laughing & vandalising the neighbourhood. The cops came, & I was dropped on my face on someone's lawn while everyone ran in different directions. That sure shows what kind of friends they were, they just left me there half-dead & took off, thinking only about themselves!

49. Thank God one of the ladies who had come out of her house was a registered nurse, & she checked my condition. My heart had stopped! I was dead! She & a policeman worked on me, trying to get my heart going again while they waited for the ambulance to come. They rushed me to the hospital! (This was all related to me much later because I was totally oblivious to what was going on. I was literally in another world!)

From Death Bed to Paddy Wagon to Jail!

50. The hospital scene was quite an experience for me. This experience was a real shakeup! I (my spirit) was floating on the ceiling & I could see my body in the bed below as the priest came in the room to minister my "last rites", the prayer with the bread & the wine that the Catholic priest gives to people who are dying. Some of the doctors looked at the heart monitor, while other doctors pounded on my chest, trying to get my heart going again.

51. While I was in this "dead" state, it was a real scene because they couldn't find my parents, who needed to come to the hospital to identify my body. My mother was out drunk with my grandmother & their boyfriends, & my father was with another woman in a hotel in another city.

52. At this time I made a decision to come back to life & try to do better, or maybe the Angels interceded for me because the Lord knew the decision I was going to make in serving Him one day. See Q.# 14

53. After a desperate struggle, my heart started beating normally again. As soon as my heart started, I was promptly taken from the stretcher to the paddy wagon*! I was literally thrown into the police wagon to go to jail!—Even though I was so sick, I had literally just come back to life, all the System cared about was "justice"! No one cared for my soul! See Q.# 15 (*paddy wagon: an enclosed motortruck used by police to carry prisoners)

Discussion Questions

14) Auntie Crystal had actually died of an overdose of alcohol. Why do you think the Lord allowed her to return to her body?

  1. a) He was still trying to teach her some lessons.
  2. b) He knew she would someday do a great work for Him.
  3. c) He loved her & was merciful.
  4. d) All of the above

(See the TK "Life After Death" in "The Story of Love" TK Volume, pg.445)

15) Can you think of a MO Letter where Grandpa died & then was allowed to return to his body after he repented of not being willing to do what the Lord had asked him to do? (See "Another Holy Ghost Story", ML#679.) Can you think of other Letters or Grandpa stories that talk about life-after-death experiences?

The Next Day I Was in Court!

54. The very next morning I was carried from jail into the courtroom by two policemen—one was on each side of me so I wouldn't fall down, as I was still sick & weak.

55. There I was, just 16 years old, in jail for drinking under age, & I had just died from an alcohol overdose! I was bare-footed, my dress was ripped in the back from being tossed around the night before, my body was bruised from one end to the other. I was bleeding here & there, & it seemed like I had mosquito bites all over my body.

56. On the judge's table was the evidence, the empty bottles that we had been drinking from the night before. The other boys, who had gotten caught with me when the police came, were now standing next to me in court. They must have gotten some good advice from their parents or lawyers because they were dressed in suits & looked real clean & sharp, like good boys. They would answer the judge back with, "Yes, Sir," & "No, Sir," & they really had their lines down well. There I was, feeling half-dead & looking like a motherless child, with multiple lacerations* all over my body, my hair uncombed & my outfit ripped & bloody. I certainly didn't look like a "good girl"! (*lacerations: wounds)

I Was Sentenced to Jail Indefinitely!

57. Standing by me in my "defense" were my mother & grandmother. The judge was really tough!—He rattled off the charges & asked my mother what she thought they ought to do with me. She just shook her head in dismay. Then my grandmother said, "Lock her up & throw away the key!" Well, because I had been released from a girl's institution only six months prior, where I had spent a year, the judge thought my grandmother's suggestion was great. He sentenced me to City Jail indefinitely! He supposedly wanted to "teach me a lesson" so I wouldn't want to get in trouble ever again!

58. Note about the hypocrisy of the System: Can you see what hypocrites Auntie Crystal's father, mother & grandmother were?—They condemned her while they were guilty of the same things or worse! The father was off with another woman in a hotel & yet he called Auntie Crystal a "whore". Her grandmother was drunk & with her boyfriend when the authorities were trying to find someone to identify Auntie Crystal's dead body—and yet her grandmother told the judge to put Crystal in jail & throw away the key!

59. Going to jail in the police wagon was really awful. In the police wagon with me were 12 men who had been sentenced to years in prison. They knew this would be their last chance to touch a woman, so two by two they came over to me, each one was handcuffed to the other, & with their free hand they'd feel all over my body—my breasts, my bottom, all over! They'd also try to give me deep kisses!—All this happened while the policemen just looked on & laughed & even partook of the action themselves! My hands were cuffed behind my back & I couldn't defend myself! All I could do was cry. See Q.# 16,17

Discussion Questions

16) If you as a teen girl were in a situation like this where you were in a police paddy wagon & the other prisoners & police were touching your body & kissing you, what would you do? How would you handle it? Being a Christian who knows & loves the Lord, what would you do in a situation like that to witness? Please bear in mind that maybe it would be their last chance to hear about the Lord. What would you say to try to win those men to the Lord?

Note about Auntie Crystal's experience in the paddy wagon: The first impression of this situation in the paddy wagon, especially for you teen girls, may possibly be to think, "Oh, how gross! How terrible!" But if you really think about it, Auntie Crystal wasn't getting hurt, it really didn't harm her to have those men touch her body & kiss her. It's important to remember that nothing is really terrible when you have the Lord, & if He were to allow something like this to happen to you, it would be so you could witness & show His power & His Love so He could do miracles!

17) Can you think of a verse that proves that the Lord will not put you in any situation that will be too much for you or too hard for you?

In Jail—Lesbians, Violence, Suicides...Hell!

60. Being delivered to jail was horrific. I was the only white person in the whole women's section. I was also the youngest woman. I was scared to death! I was in jail for drinking under age & here I was surrounded by murderers, arsonists*, thieves, prostitutes, drug addicts etc. Daily I feared for my life! The black girls would constantly be having gang fights & I would sometimes find myself in the middle. Suicides were an everyday occurrence. (*arsonists: people who start destructive fires on purpose.)

61. One big black girl took a liking to me. She was a lesbian* & was trying to woo me. If someone liked you, they'd try to win your heart by saving some of their food from dinner & putting it in your cell. I often found pork chops & other food under my pillow at night. (You couldn't even trust the food you were eating, because the men prisoners on the other side of the prison prepared it & they would put bugs & rats in it!) (*lesbian: a woman who prefers to make love with other women rather than men.)

62. While the lights were going out, you'd hear different women talking back & forth around the cells, "Number 29, goodnight. I need you, Baby!" "Number 44, I miss you, Honey!" Then I heard, "Number 33, I love you!" I was number 33! The big black girl who liked me was sending me her love. Thank God that I didn't get raped, nor did I get beat up while in jail. I'm sure it was only the mercy of God! Perhaps the Lord raised up that big black girl to protect me from the others while I was in prison. Isn't that wonderful that the Lord had His hand on my life even before I was saved!

63. Going to the bathroom to brush your teeth at night was quite a trip also. I'd have to step over girls who were making love with each other right on the floor! Everyone just nonchalantly* walked over them & continued to brush their teeth like it was perfectly natural. No one bothered to report it to the matrons (the women in charge), since they were lesbians also. (*nonchalantly: not easily upset, cool.)

64. I was given a job working in the laundry & the payment was three cigarettes a day. The cigarettes were so cheap they were made out of tobacco that was mixed with sawdust. One day the laundry girls decided to go on strike, so the police flooded the place with tear gas. It was chaos! Black women were hanging from rafters kicking each other in the face. My big black friend stuck a sheet over my head & hid me in the corner & I was protected from the fumes to a degree. TTL!

65. I had a friend whose father was a sheriff & he "pulled a few strings" (used his influence) so I was released after 30 days. The Lord's hand was sure with me for me to only be in such a short amount of time after the judge had sentenced me to be in jail indefinitely! Thirty days was enough time to show me that that certainly wasn't the life I wanted to live, & it scared me into wanting to do better!—But I just didn't know where to start! See Q.#18-22

Discussion Questions

Note about going to jail while being in or out of God's Will: People's exper-iences in jail vary greatly, depending on whether they're the Lord's or the Enemy's children. Also, if you are a Child of God your experience would depend on whether you are in or out of God's Will. If you are the Lord's child, but you are backslidden & you end up in jail, it could be a much tougher experience for you than for someone who lands in jail because they are receiving persecution for Jesus' sake! Like Uncle Gary says in his Traumatic Testimony: "I'm sure my exper-iences aren't any worse than what lots of other people have gone through in jails, & what we could go through, or what the Lord could put us through to spank us if we willingly choose to leave God's Work, when we know better!" (HOPE #10, pg. 7) Of course, even if you were backslidden, the Lord, in His mercy, would still ultimately keep you, but it would be rough! "The way of the transgressor is hard!"—Prov.13:15.

On the other hand, if you are ever faced with having to go to jail & you are in God's Will, you can be assured that the Lord will keep you! Like Mama Maria said in the introduction to Uncle Gary's Traumatic Testimony: "However, if you should have to suffer for Jesus & the Family, the Lord will certainly help you to bear it & make it as easy as possible. Even some of the harshest persecution that the martyrs of the Early Church received was borne by them with grace, with singing & praising. In fact, there are many validated historical reports that often they did not even feel the pain!—The Lord administered His anaesthesia. To increase your faith, read about the three Hebrew teens who got thrown into the fiery furnace. (Daniel 3.) (See also Acts 7:55-56, 60)

"God's Word says, `When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; & through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: When thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.' Isa. 43:2. You can claim that verse for your own. The Word also says, `There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to Man: but God is faithful, Who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.'—ICor.10:13. So you have nothing to fear if you are doing the Lord's Work & in His Will. Hallelujah! `If God be for us, who can be against us?'" (HOPE #10, Introduction)

18) Can you see the many ways the Lord protected Auntie Crystal even though she was in jail?

  1. a) She didn't get beaten or raped.
  2. b) The food didn't poison her or make her sick.
  3. c) She didn't get seriously injured from the tear gas.
  4. d) The Lord raised up the big Negro woman who liked her to protect her, like a body guard.
  5. e) She got out in just one month.

—Can you think of any other ways that the Lord protected Auntie Crystal while she was in jail?

Note about Auntie Crystal's experience in jail: When Mama Maria read Auntie Crystal's Traumatic Testimony she said: "In some ways she actually had it better when she was in prison than she did when she was out in the World, because at least in prison she wasn't getting raped or beaten like she was before. The Lord was protecting her from those things. There are lots of Scriptural precedents where the Lord put His people in prison to protect them from even worse things outside.

"I think that Crystal's greatest problem while in jail was her fear of what might happen. She saw some bad things going on & she was afraid that they might happen to her too. Her fears were much more of a problem for her than what was actually happening to her there.

"The actual violence or harm that Crystal personally suffered while she was in jail wasn't really unbearable. The food might have been terrible & the bed uncomfortable, but evidently she didn't suffer too much from it. If you're the Lord's, the Lord could sanctify & purify the food & make it clean for you! (1Tim.4:4,5) Ezekiel even ate dung & it didn't seem to hurt him! (Eze.4:15)

"So most of her problems were her mind, her fears. But if we know the Lord, we can be free from such fear & we can trust Him, knowing that He will protect us. It might sound very bad, but it wouldn't actually be that bad, especially if you knew the Lord & you trusted in Him & claimed His Promises. `Who will harm you if you be followers of that which is good?'—1Pet.3:13. Well, it didn't look like she was following that which was good, but the Lord had His hand on her all that time even before she found Him. She was His, & in her heart she really was trying to find the Truth."

19) Can you think of other examples in the Bible where God's people were jailed & the Lord miraculously protected them? (See Gen.39-41; Jer.37:15 through Jer.40:5; Dan.6; Acts 12:4-19; 16:23-40.)

20) Do you ever worry about what might happen to you if you were put in jail during some persecution or the Great Tribulation? The following are a few points to think about & discuss together:

—Does hearing Mama Maria's comment about what happened to Auntie Crystal help to ease your fears?

—How could being in jail be different for us, who are saved Christians, than it was for Auntie Crystal?

—Put yourself in Auntie Crystal's place & ask yourself these questions: If I was persecuted for being a revolutionary Christian & I had to go to jail, what would I do? How would I pray in a situation like that? What would I pray for the Lord to do? What would He want to do? What kind of miracles could I ask Him to do that He would do? (Please see "Heaven's Girl" Chapters 8-10.)

21) If you ever had to go to jail, what would you do to fight your fears while there?

  1. a) Quote the Scriptures that you have memorised & sing fighting songs.
  2. b) Recall testimonies of how the Lord has kept others when they were in jail—His Prophets & Disciples of old, & even brothers & sisters of our own Family
  3. c) Rebuke the Devil
  4. d) Keep witnessing
  5. e) Make a conscious effort to bring your thoughts into captivity & trust the Lord
  6. f) Play the "Count Your Blessings" Game to remind yourself that things are much better than they could be

—What other things would you do to help you stay in the victory & dispel any fears?

22) Can you quote some other good verses that assure us of the Lord's protection in the face of our enemies if we're ever in jail?

Note about where to find other testimonies of victorious jail experiences: There are many testimonies about when brethren have been jailed & the Lord has miraculously protected them! Recently a thrilling & faith-building FSM was published about persecution in Latin America. (Please see "God Has Delivered Our Brethren from Bonds in Latin America!" FSM #163.) Other FSM articles along these lines that you might be interested in reading include: Years ago Auntie Faithy & Uncle Juan were in jail briefly in Argentina & the Lord really protected them! They even got to witness to some of the top people of the country. (See "Jailed in Argentina" FN 54, pg.260-272) Uncle Angelo shares the tremendous testimony of how the Lord delivered him after over 70 days in jail in an FSM article entitled, "Angelo's Prison Testimony". (Family News Encyclopedia Pgs. 1155-1175.) Watchman's article, "Full Story of the Month's Imprisonment & Miraculous Release of Our Brethren in Mexico!" is also very exciting, especially the first-hand accounts written by the sisters while they were actually in jail! (FNENC pg.72) There are also wonderful lessons & victories shared by Jude Fisher in an article called "Family Teens Jailed for Jesus" in HOPE #2! (Don't miss the exciting testimonies of others' experiences in prison that will be coming your way soon! PTL!)

I Thought I Had "Fallen in Love"!

66. After I left jail & went back home to my parents, my problems continued. I started dating the "good-looking" guy I had met at the party the night before I went to jail & eventually he became my husband. Do you want to hear what it's like to be a teen bride in the System?

67. Aren't you glad we have the Lord's Love & tenderness, gentleness, sweetness, & consideration in the Family as well as the "Make It Work" vision? The System definitely doesn't know how to make it work with their teens. Many young couples in the System get so discouraged in their first year of marriage because they have no real love, no Jesus, no counselling sessions with people who understand, so that they end up hating each other. That's what happened in my life.

68. I married a real "hunk" of a guy—by System standards. He was very popular, he had a nice body with a golden tan, blonde/brown streaked hair, big brown eyes, long eyelashes, his frame was real strong & sexy, & he had nice big white teeth!—All the girls were "ga-ga" over him! To top it off, he had a motorcycle!—Wow, that was the "in" thing. (You'll notice from my above description of him what silly things I was basing my love & attraction for him on—all very fleshly, shallow characteristics. I didn't really try to see his heart or his personality or other more important qualities.)

69. The way we got together was we started seeing each other & making love often. I can remember being in my friend's basement on a lumpy old couch when I had my first orgasm! I thought, "WOW! Finally!" After having had sex almost daily for over five years without ever feeling like that, I thought "I must be in love. People told me that I'd know when I was in love! This must be it!" I thought that feeling must be what they call being "in love"!

70. But actually our relationship was very shallow. Our communication was almost zero, he was quite dull-witted & his conversation consisted of "Wow, man! Ooohhh! Cool! Heavy!" He looked so good, but as far as brains go, he didn't seem to be all there. He was what we called an "air head". Without good communication & knowing how to talk about what was on our hearts & minds, our relationship had no foundation or depth. All we had was our sexual relationship & our attraction in the flesh.—But that isn't enough, & when we had misunderstandings, we didn't know how to work out our problems. See Q.# 23

Discussion Question

23) When Auntie Crystal thought she had found "the man of her dreams" she was confusing the excitement of sex & having orgasms with real love. Can you see how she was not judging her relationship with this guy very deeply?—She only looked at such things as his physical appearance etc.

If you are seriously praying about going steady with someone or getting married, what qualities & characteristics would you look for in that person? What points do you consider the most important when choosing a mate?

My First Baby!

71. I ended up pregnant, & he really resented me for getting pregnant & wanted me to abort the baby. He bought some pills that were supposed to induce an abortion, & though I protested, he forced me to take them. About 30 minutes after I took the pills I couldn't hear, there was a vague ringing sensation & everything else was blocked out. The pills were so strong I vomited violently. This lasted about a week. I thought I would die, but TTL then my body started healing up & the baby was still OK. My boyfriend's hate for the child manifested itself when I wasn't expecting it, & he'd turn around & violently punch me in the stomach! See Q.# 24

72. Regardless of his feelings, I really wanted the baby. I didn't care what I had to go through. Whether he took care of me & the baby or not, it didn't matter to me. I was looking forward to having this little life, & although I didn't have the first idea how to take care of it, I was determined to try! I was quite lost & I didn't know what I was doing. The only knowledge I had of babies was my limited experience of babysitting & taking care of my baby dolls when I was a kid!

73. I hope hearing about how very unprepared I was will help you see how blessed we are to have such beautiful marriage prep & childcare training for our Teens in the Family. I'm so thankful that you Teens have the opportunity to learn about babies & childbirth while you're young, so that when the time comes for you to have your own children you'll be prepared & able to enjoy it to the full. You dear teen girls don't have to be worried or fearful or nervous about having children, because you'll never be left on your own.—You'll always be surrounded by loved ones who really care about you, & all through your pregnancy you will be protected & nurtured. Also, by the time you Teens have your own little family, you will know a lot about caring for babies.—In fact, most of you (teen girls and boys) will probably have had lots of experience working side-by-side with your mothers & fathers or other childcare experts & teachers, so caring for a new little life won't be a frightening or overwhelming responsibility but a pleasure & joy! (Psa.127:3) PTL!

74. But in my case, I was pretty much on my own. I had to quit school & get a job so I could earn some money. My mother took the pregnancy well, but my father insisted I stay in the house, so I was restricted to going to work & back, & wasn't allowed to see my boyfriend at all (we hadn't gotten married yet)! These were the restrictions laid down & I had to follow them if I wanted a roof over my head until I could get some money together.

75. I had the baby & moved with the baby into a new apartment. I didn't realise how much went into taking care of a baby. I enjoyed dressing her up in cute little ruffly clothes, but when she cried I didn't know how to handle it! It was a trial because I was super selfish & I didn't have the Christian grace to take it.

Discussion Question

24) Do you think her boyfriend ever really loved her? Why would her boyfriend want her to abort the baby? Why did he punch her in the stomach when she was pregnant? Discuss.

I Was a Teen Bride!

76. My boyfriend started visiting my apartment quite frequently. His parents talked us into living with them so my boyfriend could finish high school. Living with his parents was a real mistake! His parents really looked down on me. They thought I had ruined their son's life, so almost daily they let me know how much they disliked me. Nevertheless, it was at this point that they talked us into getting legally married & doing it the System way. See Q.# 25

77. After we got married I thought I would at least be able to sleep with my husband, but because for years they'd had their rooms set up with him & his father in one room in twin beds & his sister & mother in another room, I ended up sleeping on a roll-away bed in the corner of the dining room, with my little baby in her little bed. So that was what it was like living with real Systemites who hated me & resented my baby! See Q.# 26

78. When my husband was angry with me, we'd have private fights in the basement. He'd beat me up & I'd have to cry real softly so his parents wouldn't think anything was going on. He'd beat me harder if I yelled out loud. See Q.# 27

Discussion Questions

25) Even after her boyfriend had treated her so badly & wanted her to abort the baby & punched her, she still started seeing him again & even married him!—Why do you think she did this?

  1. a) She didn't have anyone else to help her with the baby.
  2. b) Maybe she hoped he would change if they got married legally.
  3. c) She wanted the security of a husband & father for her baby.
  4. d) She was lonely & tired of living alone & trying to take care of the baby all by herself.
  5. e) All of the above.

—Can you think of other possible reasons?

26) Auntie Crystal explains that her boyfriend's parents were very unkind to her. She says they looked down on her & thought she had ruined their son's life. They probably felt she wasn't "good enough" for their son. Maybe they had plans for their son to go to college & be a "success" & this unexpected pregnancy & marriage ruined those plans. Do you think they were good people who had raised a good boy?—Judging from their behaviour & their son's behaviour, do you think they were very Godly people? What kind of a sense of values do you think they had? Even if they didn't like Auntie Crystal, why would they insist that she & their son get legally married?

27) Her husband continued to beat her. Why do you think she didn't want his parents to hear her cry?

  1. a) Because she didn't feel at all close to his parents, so she didn't want them to be involved in her personal problems.
  2. b) She might have feared that they would throw her out of their house if they knew how badly she & their son were getting along.
  3. c) Maybe she felt it would cause them to look down on her more.
  4. d) Maybe she felt embarrassed.
  5. e) Maybe she was afraid they would get mad at her husband for beating her & he would get angry & beat her more.

We Had Everything, But I Was Miserable!

79. After a year at his parents' house, we finally were able to buy our "dream house". We had saved up quite a bit of money, & he also won a court case where he received thousands of Dollars. We were "rolling in the dough"! Our house looked like something out of "Better Homes & Gardens" (a magazine that shows fine American homes). We bought a sports car, he bought me a four-carat diamond ring, our furniture looked like something out of a furniture store display window. Our bedroom was so huge you could put half our Home population in it. Our grocery bill for just the two of us & our small baby was an enormous amount! He was so greedy, he loved to have the best of everything, expensive food, fancy car, nice clothes, we had it all! I hated it! I felt like a robot! I'd just wake up every morning at 6:00 A.M., go to work, work all day, get home, sleep, wake up at 6:00 A.M.....YUCK! I hated this existence!

80. We had lots of money & things, but it didn't satisfy. He was good looking, we had a sports car, jewelry, good jobs, but we were miserable. We had no real love, no communication. Our evening entertainment was watching TV & "pigging out" on "lusties"! (Gorging yourself on sweets!) The "excitement" of watching football on TV at night with my husband & his "red neck" (rough, crude cowboy-type) friends, drinking beer, him belching in my face, squeezing his empty beer cans with his bare hands & then throwing them at me was just getting to be too much! It was disgusting & I desperately wanted out! See Q.# 28, 29

Discussion Questions

28) Do you think Auntie Crystal did the right thing by getting back together with the father of the baby? Did a legal marriage actually help their relationship any?—Did it make her husband love her more or be kinder to her?

29) Can you see that it doesn't matter what you do to try to "fix" a relationship, such as getting legally married, if the foundation is weak or wrong, the relationship is almost doomed to defeat. What ingredients or qualities do you feel are most needed in order to build the right foundation for happy, fruitful, loving relationships?

I Had to Run for My Life!

81. Then his violence started to become more extreme to where we were fighting almost every night. He was much bigger than I am. He was over six feet tall & weighed 190 pounds. I am just under five feet tall & at that time I weighed only 87 pounds. One night we had a real big fight & he beat me up pretty badly. This scared him so he went to his parents' house for a few days, thinking things would be better after he cooled down. Then he called me on the phone & begged me to let him return. He said he'd change. He was crying & pleading with me, but I didn't believe him & I refused. I hung up on him, & my last words were, "Forget it! I'll never, never go back with you!" I knew he was super angry & now I realise that I should have answered him more wisely & not antagonised him so much. Like the Bible says, "A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger."—Prov.15:1.

82. I went to take a bath, thinking we'd said enough for one evening, but about 15 or 20 minutes later my heart started pounding, fear struck me, I just had the instinct that he was coming to get me! I jumped into my little nightie & ran for the door to bolt it. Then I looked through the peep-hole & what do you think I saw?—There he was, running insanely up the steps in anger, coming for the door at full speed! He plowed through the door, busting in three dead bolt locks that had been put on the door to protect us from burglars.—He must have had the supernatural strength of the Devil in order to bust through that door! He went straight for my throat. I tried to reach the phone, but he pulled it out of the wall. He was furious! He kept saying over & over again, "I've had enough! I'm going to get you now, you've done it! I'm going to kill you!"

83. We had two phones in our house & the one in the bedroom rang. He went & answered it. I was screaming in the background "Help, help, he's going to kill me!" My girlfriend, who was the one who phoned, listened to him as he said, "Oh, she's okay, she's just a little upset." His eyes were real crazy! He was demon-possessed, out of his mind!

84. I figured the only chance I had to get away was then! I ran for my life! He was right behind me. The only thing I could think of was to run over to the woman's apartment who cared for my daughter. She was a big woman & I felt she could protect me from him. I was running with everything in me. He was right behind me, & I couldn't go any faster. I knew that if I didn't hurry I'd be dead.

85. I ran up one, two, three flights of stairs. I got to this woman's apartment & started pounding & pounding on the door. I was screaming at the top of my lungs, "Help, help!" She came to the door, my husband kicked me from behind & I landed on the floor. I grabbed onto her feet & then my husband grabbed my feet. I was begging her to help me! And do you know what she did?!—She pulled my hands off her ankles, pushed me away & said, "I can't get involved!" Then she slammed her door shut. My husband was dragging me off by my feet, & I thought at any moment I would be dead. I held on to the banister of the staircase for dear life. After some time of struggling I was hanging onto the railing, dangling down in the open space where the stairs wind around—there was nothing between me & the floor of the basement four stories down. My husband started kicking my hands so I'd have to let go of the railing. Finally I couldn't hold on any longer & I dropped. I fell straight down two stories. Thank God my foot got caught in the railing as I was on my way down & that's what saved my life!

86. My husband then ran down to meet me at the first landing to continue to beat me up! I was close to dead when from nowhere some big man came & started pushing my husband & telling him he was calling the police. My husband ran! I laid there half-dead & in shock, seriously wounded. Then the police arrived to get the story. I was scared to death so I didn't tell them what had happened, because I was scared if I did, my husband would come back & hurt me even worse. See Q.#30,31

Discussion Questions

30) Did it shock you that such a good-looking fellow who seemed so "perfect" & seemed to love her in the beginning could then turn on her & almost murder her? How could that possibly happen?

Note about why no one would help Auntie Crystal when she was in danger: People often don't want to get involved helping others who are in trouble because they are selfish or they are afraid or they don't want to have to talk to the police or go to court. Isn't it sad that the only person Auntie Crystal could think of going to for help slammed the door in her face?! Do you think the big man that came out of nowhere to help her could have been an Angel?—Whether he was an Angel or not, the Lord certainly raised him up to protect her & save her life.

31) After reading Auntie Crystal's story of her disastrous teen marriage, discuss the wonderful blessings of the "Make It Work" program & what a joy it is to be able to marry & have children in the Family.

Note about the number of unwed teenage mothers: In the U.S., 500,000 unmarried teen girls get pregnant each year. One out of every six babies born in the U.S. is the child of a teenage mother—& 96% of these girls keep their babies. Many of these young unwed mothers probably face situations as bad or worse than Auntie Crystal's.

Constant Fear, Nervous Breakdown, "Unfit Mother"!

87. For a few months after this, my husband would jump out at me from behind things to scare me & say, "I'm going to kill you." One time I opened the curtains & there he was with a knife telling me how he was going to kill me. I lived in constant fear! I was scared out of my wits & I didn't know what to do to get away from him! What a marriage! This isn't at all the way the movies portrayed love stories, is it? But this was reality! I really wanted to believe in "living happily ever after", but I couldn't!

88. At this point I had a nervous & emotional breakdown! I cried all the time for no reason. It was difficult for me to keep myself together. The spirit of fear was overwhelming in my life, robbing me of many nights' sleep. I couldn't keep food down & it was impossible for me to relax. The doctor prescribed tranquilisers for me, a double dose, & to help "boost" them, I drank alcohol with them (extremely dangerous—This combination can kill, & has killed many!). That was the only release & escape I had from reality.

89. My sweet little daughter unfortunately went back & forth between living with my husband & myself. Then one day I was so sick of my pitiful existence that I gave everything from my marriage away—all the furniture, rugs, stereo, colour TV etc. My husband's System family was sure I'd cracked up then, so his mother, through lies & deceit, managed to take my baby away from me. I was considered "unfit" & "crazy" & I didn't have a leg to stand on in the custody battle. Legally my daughter was put into their custody.

The World of Hippies & "Free Love"!

90. Then, to my relatives' horror, I moved in with a hippie who tried to help me with positive philosophies about life. I started getting interested in politics, we would protest the Vietnam War. I began to get totally involved in this new life of "flower children", free love & mind-expanding drugs—a welcome relief from the hate & violence I was used to.

91. My relationship with this guy didn't last too long & before long I moved in with a girlfriend. This girl's house was always full of hippies & all kinds of people doing all kinds of drugs. One night this guy named Sam was there. He started pulling ten & twenty Dollar bills out of his pocket & ripping them up & throwing them in the air. He was ripping the buttons off his clothes & being really dramatic & saying, "Material things are nothing! They are nothing! Material things are not where it's at!" He was slamming the System & damning the Vietnam War & saying he was for peace & love.

92. I was on "acid" (LSD*) at the time, & when you are on drugs everything is more pronounced. I was seeing money fall from the sky. Then he took my girlfriend & me to the bedroom & started making love to both of us at the same time! It was the first time that I had ever been in bed with another girl & one guy & I liked it. I wondered what this new doctrine was. So I started following this guy Sam wherever he went. (*LSD—a strong drug causing hallucinations—visions or glimpses into the Spirit World—& paranoia—extreme fear & suspicion—& can even lead to vivid trips into the Spirit World & demon-possession! Taking this drug was known as "dropping acid".)

93. My girlfriend warned me that Sam was crazy. I started going to a club where he was a bass guitar player in a band to meet him, & he started giving me different drugs. We would have conversations about astrology & Transcendental Meditation* & sometimes we even talked about the Bible. It was like there was a little bit of truth in everything he said. (*Transcendental Meditation is a religion based on yoga, a technique which supposedly draws a person closer to God, but often opens people up to the influences of bad spirits & even leads to demon possession. See ML#s 1852, 1854) See Q.# 32

The "Hip Scene" in California!

94. Then I travelled to California in a van with four of Sam's friends. We travelled 3,000 miles across the States; it took two or three months. We stopped in parks all along the way. There were lots of young hippies living in the parks at this time in the States. They were taking drugs & "skinny dipping" (nude swimming) in the lakes. People were really open & friendly. It was a lot like the movie "Hair"—everyone dressed like that. I just wore cut-off jeans & a little scarf around my breasts. We had a bed in the van & a bookshelf full of books about life. The Bible was there too, but it was just jumbled together with the other books about "truth". A lot of the hippies were really searching for the Truth. See Q.# 33

95. We finally made it to California, which is where many hippies went to find the answers! It was supposed to be like going to the Promised Land. I was hoping to find the answers to life. I was searching for love & peace. I went to Sunset Boulevard, which was the "strip" where everyone went. There were all kinds of people parading up & down the street. I was looking for the Truth, & I remember I cried when I first walked down Sunset Boulevard because all the philosophies & all the weirdness that was there scared me. I remember crying & praying & saying, "I believe in Baby Jesus". It was quite overwhelming to see so much weirdness all at once.—There were so many different freaks & everyone was "preaching" a different trip. Little by little, I tried to take it in & digest it, & decide which trip I was going to get into. See Q.# 34,35

96. A while after I arrived in California, Sam joined me. We were in love with each other. He was a groovy musician—a studio musician (a musician who works solely in studios & doesn't go on tour or make live performances)—& we were really into the hippie trip. We started working at "Guitar Centre" in Hollywood selling guitars, strings & picks etc. We ran into a lot of musicians & Sodomites there, like Jeremy Spencer talked about in his testimony (see TSM#2). We also were invited to a lot of the same kind of parties that Jeremy talked about in his Traumatic Testimony. At these parties it was quite obvious what was going on, because guys were going into bedrooms together! But if you were "cool" you had to act liberal & open-minded about it—you couldn't act too shocked. That's what "cool" means in the System—it means, "Anything goes!" See Q.#36-39

Discussion Questions

32) Auntie Crystal met several guys whom she was attracted to because they had some Truth & were a bit radical & against the System. The hippie she met taught her about philosophy, politics & drugs. Then Sam taught her that materialism was not the answer. He also introduced her to a new dimension of sex by having three people in the same bed. He was against the Vietnam War & was preaching peace & love. Auntie Crystal was a sheep desperately searching for the Truth—but she didn't find satisfaction of soul & spirit with these men & their trips. Why?

Why is it not enough to just see the problems of the World, without also knowing the Truth?

33) Auntie Crystal says she & her friends had a whole shelf full of books about life. They had the Bible too. You might wonder, "Why was it so difficult for Auntie Crystal to find the Truth if she had the Bible?" In the days of the hippies, it was considered by some people to be "cool" to have books about how to "find yourself" or books about philosophy, poetry, natural living, deep thinking etc.—And sometimes the Bible would be mixed in with these books, as was the case with Auntie Crystal. But, just because she had the Bible, doesn't guarantee that she read it. Many people do find the Truth by reading the Bible, because they have a sincere hunger for the Truth when reading.

Also, some people find it difficult to understand the Bible, because they have been confused by what they've seen in the churches. How come we in the Family are able to read the Bible & get so much out of it?

Grandpa says: "The Bible was enough in its day, it was all the Truth that Man needed when it was fresh & new & had just been given by the Prophets, until it was contorted & distorted & misinterpreted & mistranslated & everything by the preachers! Even though Man has the Bible & looks at it, he can't see it, because he's been mentally conditioned by all the preachers & teachers & false teachers & the wrong way they live, their dandy bad example, which is so contrary to the plan of true Christianity, that the Plan is lost under a heap of Man's own rubble.

"It takes an archaeologist who comes in & clears away the rubble! He shows you what the Plan really was like. He digs out the Bible from under all the trash and reveals it to you as it really is and really was.

"In this case I'm your archaeologist. With every Letter I'm clearing away the churchy rubble, getting rid of Man's debris & pushing aside the preacher's litter, to try to uncover for you once again what the Bible really says & means & what Jesus taught." (ML #255:41,42,43,45)

34) Auntie Crystal describes the hippies as being open, friendly & care-free. They were searching for love, peace & the Truth, & they were desperately trying to be free. The only way they knew how to be free was by experimenting with freedom of the flesh such as skinny dipping (swimming nude), dressing differently than the Systemites, having sex with lots of different people, taking drugs, etc.

The Revolution for Jesus was born amidst this generation of hippies. Do you think the Lord was working in their hearts & preparing them to want to drop out of the System to serve Him? Why do you think they were so receptive to Grandpa's message?

In 1970 Grandpa said: "These kids (the hippies) are rebellious against society because the society is anti-God. Everything the kids are—the way they look, the way they act—in a large degree it's a rebellion against the pattern of society, but it's actually a return to the Lord's pattern. In their pursuit of genuine spirituality and real religion and the actual supernatural & the miraculous, they have gone into ancient mysticism, drugs & the Spirit World." (ML#E:2,11)

35) Do you know what happened to the hippies that didn't drop out to serve Jesus? Do you know where they are today or what they're doing today?

Grandpa says that those radical young people who failed to answer the call of the Jesus Revolution sank back in total hopelessness into the same System from which they had tried to rise: "Where are the protests now? Where are their dreams, their hopes now of a brave new world, a new land? They're all gone, all buried in a worse System than before, which has become more violent, and the music more violent and fiendish, and the words more violent than ever before!" (ML #232:37)

36) Auntie Crystal talks a lot about her experiences with "free sex". She made love to lots of different men—sometimes two women would make love to one man at the same time. Do you think her making love to so many men was evil? How do you think the Lord felt about it? (Psa.103:13-14; Jn.8:10-11; Acts 17:30)


Psa.103:13,14: "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him."

Jn.8:10,11: "When Jesus had lifted himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

"She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more."

Acts 17:30:"And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent:"

37) Why do you think Auntie Crystal tried to find love through so much sex? Explain why it was impossible for her to find complete satisfaction through sex.

38) When Auntie Crystal got into the "cool scene" of the musicians in California, she saw lots of Sodomites at parties. She said she tried to act like she wasn't too shocked, she tried to "be cool". According to the teachings of the Bible, is Sodomy just another form of "free love"? Discuss how the scene of the Sodomite musicians was like the scene in Sodom & Gomorah & what happened to these two cities as a result. How do you think the Lord feels about Sodomy today?—Different, or the same? (See Genesis Chapter 19)

39) Do you know what the modern expression, "Gay Movement", means? Do you think the "Gay Movement" is a sign of the Endtime? What new disease has recently come about that God has cursed the Sodomites with? Grandpa says: "I'm sure AIDS is God's curse upon these Sodomites!—Exactly what they deserve!—Romans 1:26-32! I don't think the Lord is going to allow them to find a cure! I think this is the beginning of the final judgements, final curses, the final plagues!" (ML 1643:114, 2344:17.) In the U.S. alone, more than 32,000 people have already died of AIDS! Millions more are infected!

Having My Second Baby!

97. Then I got pregnant with Sam's baby & we were really happy about it. It was a second chance for me. I wanted to have natural childbirth & breast-feed the baby. We weren't into drugs then, & Sam also didn't let me drink any alcohol because it would hurt the baby. He was real natural about things. I had the baby & Sam was right there with me. I cried when the baby was born, I was so thankful that God was giving me another chance to have a baby. I had been raised a Catholic & I believed in my heart that it was Godly to have babies. I remember going up & down Sunset Boulevard showing off my baby.

98. After a few weeks I started working again to help pay the bills, & I came home one day early & found Sam coming out the door with a suitcase & all his things. There was a car outside the door with some musicians in it & a trailer on the back. Sam said, "Well, Baby, I got a gig (a job playing or touring with a band). I'm going to be on the road again playing music. I'll see you around! We're free, right?" And he split!

99. I had his baby & I thought we were going to be together! I hadn't pushed him for a legal marriage, but my dream was to live together, husband & wife with our little baby, happily ever after. Then Sam decides we are "free". I didn't know what to do. My first baby & marriage was a failure, & here I thought I had another chance to make things right, but he was so "free & groovy" that he irresponsibly just took off. His kind of "freedom" was just another name for independence & selfishness! He might have been "free", but I had a little bundle in my hands! I just collapsed. See Q.# 40

100. He left me $100 & a 1964 Valiant car & my baby. I decided to go home to my mother. I packed things up & put the baby in the back of the car & I drove home. It was real rainy & scary. It was 3,000 miles & it took me three or four days. The Lord allowed the baby to sleep a lot to help me get safely home. That's a very dangerous thing to do, you don't travel 3,000 miles alone driving with a baby!

101. My mother & my sisters were real happy to see me. My mother didn't know I had been pregnant, & when I got my little bundle out of the back of the car they were really touched. But it didn't last long—after two weeks I had worn out my welcome. I moved out of my mother's house & went on Welfare.

Discussion Question:

40) As the musician, Sam, was leaving Auntie Crystal & their baby he said, "We're free, aren't we?!" Did they really have freedom? What is true freedom? How is it manifested? Where does it come from? (Jn.8:31-36; 2Pet.2:19; 2Cor.3:17)


John 8:32: "And ye shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall make you free."

2Pet.2:19: "While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption: for of whom a man is overcome, of the same is he brought in bondage."

2Cor.3:17: "Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty."

Drugs & Disaster!

102. Through Welfare I could get free medical help, so I started to see a doctor, & he prescribed some real strong drugs to calm my nerves. I started getting really mixed up from taking the drugs & at the same time drinking alcohol to make the drugs have a stronger effect.

103. Then I met another singer named Jones, & we started living together. He was a well-known singer in the city. He was very attractive to women & he selfishly took advantage of this for his own personal gains. He was a drug addict & we really got heavily into drugs. He was dealing drugs from my apartment, we were taking acid, plus downers (tranquilisers) & uppers (speed*) & snorting heroin (a very strong, addictive drug). He was shooting** heroin, but at the time I was scared to do that. I knew if I did that I would overdose (take too much) & die! (*speed: an addictive drug, which stimulates the mind & body to work faster. **shooting: intravenously injecting with needles)

104. As you can imagine, you can't really take care of a child & take drugs at the same time, so I terribly neglected my daughter at this time. I put all my attention toward my idols, this good-looking singer & the drugs. My mind was confused, I was so messed up, mentally, emotionally & spiritually.

105. Jones' brother lived one block away & one day we decided to go visit him. We went with my baby & two of Jones' kids. While we were there we took a whole bunch of downers & drank vodka.—Since we only had to drive one block to get home, I figured I could do that. Well, I couldn't!—I had a serious car accident where I totally wrecked my car & three other cars! I smashed my face on the steering wheel. Jones' kids, who were in the back seat of the car, were thrown halfway through the front window. My baby was trapped on the front seat of my car between the dashboard & the seat. The police had to send a rescue squad to get my baby out—she was lying trapped, screaming on the floor. That is what drugs will do to you!

106. At the hospital I could hear my baby screaming as she was getting stitches in her head & I knew she would be scarred for life!—But I still wasn't through with my worldliness & getting a fill of what was out there. See Q.# 41

Discussion Questions

Note about taking drugs & drinking alcohol: You might wonder, "Why didn't Auntie Crystal care more for her baby than to take drugs & get drunk? Didn't she love her baby?" Of course, Auntie Crystal loved her baby, as most mothers have a natural, God-given love for their children. But she was a very confused & mixed-up person, & when she took drugs & drank alcohol, it affected her judgement & her ability to make wise decisions & caused her to neglect the care of her baby.

When people take drugs or get drunk, it has lots of different effects on them: They become irresponsible, they lose track of time, they forget things or do things they normally wouldn't do. Also when people take drugs or get drunk, the things or people that would normally be important to them oftentimes become unimportant because they get tripped off with the feeling of being "high".

When people are drunk or on drugs their reflexes are much slower than normal.—That means they can't react as quickly as usual in the event of emergencies. The most dangerous thing is that a drunk or drugged person has the idea that he can still do all the things he usually does when he's sober, but in reality he can't! A very common serious mistake that drunk people make is in thinking they can still drive safely.

41) Can you see how Auntie Crystal made a very foolish decision to drive with her baby & other children in the car while under the influence of drugs & alcohol? There are many serious accidents caused by people who drive after drinking. In the U.S., 23,000 people are killed & 500,000 people are injured each year in car accidents caused by drunk drivers.

Grandpa says that even traffic accidents are caused by selfishness & a lack of love. (ML #151:13, DB5) How is driving after drinking a horrible lack of love?

I Lost My Second Baby—I Was Neglecting Her!

107. After this I got evicted from my flat because I hadn't paid my rent on time & we were busted for drugs. I wanted to get away as obviously my neighbours could see I was a drug addict & my friends were weirdos, so I moved to a new location. A lot of friends came in from Colorado, who I had met while on the road, so they were sleeping in sleeping bags all over my flat. Then I had to go to the hospital to have an operation because I had an infection in my throat, so I had this 15-year-old girl take care of my daughter.

108. At this time Sam just happened to pop in. He had met a girl & gotten married. He was horrified by the stories he had heard about me, & when he walked into my flat & saw all these hippies all over the place & a 15-year-old girl who was on drugs taking care of our daughter, he was convinced that he should have our daughter. He felt he could take care of her better than I could, so he took her. So while I was at the hospital, he took my daughter & left. He probably felt he had as much right to have my daughter as I did since he was the father, even though he previously abandoned us, but now felt responsible.

109. When I came back from the hospital, she was gone. All I had left were weird people in my house & my drugs! Another child was gone! I can see now that it was the Lord's mercy that Sam took the child, because I totally neglected her. I was just wasting my life away on drugs. It really frightened me. I knew it was God's judgments.

110. My relationship with Jones was getting worse & worse. He would give me a black eye, & as soon as it was healed, he would give me another one. He would say, "Hey, Spacey Gracey, your eye's healed!" & then he would hit me & give me another black eye. Eventually he moved out & I found another boyfriend.

Cancer!—No Hope for More Babies!

111. I started having trouble with my periods so I went for a check-up & the doctors said I had cancer. I had to have an operation to remove my womb!—I would never be able to have another baby! Even though I made a lot of mistakes with my first two babies, I had at least hoped in my heart that someday everything was going to work out. But this operation destroyed every hope & dream I had of being someone's wife & a mother.

112. This was a real lonely time. I felt like a miserable failure. I was in the hospital all alone, nobody came to visit me. I would just cry & cry & cry. I didn't know what was going to happen next, where I was going or what I was going to do! See Q.# 42

Discussion Questions

Note about Auntie Crystal's cancer in the womb: It seems like a very sad & drastic thing for the Lord to allow Auntie Crystal to get cancer in her womb so that she had to have it removed, & thus be unable to have any more children. When Mama Maria read about this in Auntie Crystal's testimony she said: "While having cancer & having her womb removed was such a big thing to Crystal, & at that time it symbolised to her the end of her usefulness as a woman, actually in the Lord's eyes it was not all that important. It was something she could very well do without, because the Lord knew the future, & that Crystal was going to join His Family & have many children that she could love just as much as her own. We now see that He has given her many children & she does in fact love them like her own.

"Also, if her babies had not been taken away & her boyfriends hadn't left her, she probably would have settled down to being a little Systemite Catholic mother & would never have received the reward that the Lord wanted to give her.—The very great privilege & honour of becoming one of the few women in the World who have a place in the Family of David. PTL!"

42) Can you see how this "tragedy" of Auntie Crystal having her womb removed has become a Romans 8:28 situation?

  1. a) Now Auntie Crystal has lots of teens that she takes care of & is a mother to.
  2. b) If she had lots of her own children, she wouldn't be able to devote as much of her time to the children the Lord has now given her.
  3. c) The Lord had mercy in that Auntie Crystal didn't have cancer in any other part of her body where she could have lost her life or limbs. All that was affected by the cancer was her womb.

Suicide!—The Devil's Solution!

113. After I got out of the hospital I was miserable! I didn't have anything to live for. I felt anything I could have given to anybody was gone. I was out of my mind because I was taking so many drugs.

114. I had to get a job, but I didn't know how I could work—my hands shook from taking so many drugs & drinking so much alcohol. I was caught in the midst of a vicious cycle of "downers". I took them to calm down, but actually they made me nervous so I had to take more, & then I needed to take more so I wouldn't feel the effects of them wearing off.

115. One morning I went to the liquor store when it opened at 10 A.M. & bought two big bottles of alcohol. I drank this liquor throughout the day, boosting it with pills. I was really getting into myself. When you are down, the Devil tells you how nothing is ever going to get better. You just end up feeling sorry for yourself & think there's no hope.

116. I listened to the lies of the Devil all day. I was getting worse & worse, until I was eventually listening to his lies about how I should just kill myself—the Devil had convinced me that I wasn't good for anything, I couldn't be a mother any more, I couldn't be a wife, I wasn't going anywhere, I couldn't even work. I decided if I couldn't do anything why should I live, so I went upstairs & tried to commit suicide. See Q.# 43,44

117. My new boyfriend came home at that time with another friend & they tried to calm me down. I was so hysterical, I couldn't stop crying. The only thing he knew to do was to call the police because he knew I could die. The police took me to the hospital, where they pumped my stomach to get out the alcohol & pills. See Q.# 45

Discussion Questions

43) What can be the results of turning to drugs & alcohol to escape your problems? As Auntie Crystal got drunk & high on drugs, she became more depressed & listened to the lies of the Enemy—one of his biggest lies to her was that she'd be better off dead! Is suicide a solution to problems?

44) Can you see the effect that negative thinking, doubts & introspection played in getting her on the wrong track?

45) If you are ever tempted with thoughts of suicide, what should you do to get help?

  1. a) Talk to someone & share your battles honestly
  2. b) Ask for united prayer of deliverance from whatever might be causing these thoughts, such as negative thinking, doubts, depression, etc.
  3. c) Rebuke the Devil when he tempts you with such thoughts
  4. d) Immediately replace the Devil's negative thought with a good positive thought, or picture

—What other things should you do to get help if you are ever tempted with such thoughts? Discuss.

The Horrors of the State Mental Hospital!

118. Then they had me talk to the psychiatrist in the hospital to find out why I had tried to kill myself. He couldn't really help, so he just referred me to a State Mental Hospital & suggested that I sign myself in. I had to go to the mental hospital. There was no way out. If you try to commit suicide, that is where the State makes you go.

119. The State Mental Hospital, as you can imagine, was quite a horrible place! Some people could stay in dormitories, but a lot of people had to be locked up. A lot of people there are violent, so the doctors use "drug therapy". They don't want the patients to hurt each other so they keep them heavily sedated (drugged). They put me on 500 mg. of Thorazine (a strong tranquiliser), twice a day, which totally zapped me of all my energy. I would just slobber & nod out all day!

120. The doctors don't have any answers, they don't even know what the problem is! A lot of times once someone gets put in the nuthouse, they never get out again. One reason is because you are kept so sedated on drugs you can't even talk, you don't make sense. The drugs make you appear more crazy!—You look just like a zombie, walking around in another world—you're not all there, you're just a babbling idiot.

121. Some young girls were there because they were hippies & had been on drugs, & their parents had put them there. They were so sedated they could never think clearly enough to get out. One little hippy girl had been in there for two years! She was actually pretty normal, but she couldn't get herself together enough to get out of there because of the drugs they gave her. Also, it was to the advantage of the hospital to keep you in there, because they received money for each person who was there. So they didn't really care about you at all!

122. In many ways, the whole World System operates the same way; once they get you, you become a "zombie" & you can't get out! Whether they use financial obligations, bondage to System relatives or enslavement to your job, the System is designed to get you in & keep you in. See Q.# 46

123. Now some people there really were crazy, demon possessed! One old lady would rock in her rocking chair singing, "We're in Heaven today! We're in Heaven today!" And then the next day she'd be yelling in a real rough deep voice, "We're in Hell today! We're in Hell today!"

124. It was like Hell in there, it was like the Green Door. One time a girl was in line to get her pills & she was standing in front of a real crazy girl.The crazy girl hit her & seriously injured her, but the crazy girl didn't get in any trouble. Because she was "crazy", she got away with it. Things like that would happen often. Thank the Lord, He protected me, but I could see that if I didn't stop taking those drugs I wasn't going to get out.

125. That place definitely wasn't where I wanted to be. But I knew that if I didn't get my act together I would be in there a long time. After a week of being on medication, just sitting around slobbering like a zombie, I decided on a plan so I could stop taking the medication & gain my senses back. When they gave me the pills & a Coke to drink them down with, I would put the pills in my mouth, tilt my can up to my lips as if drinking the Coke & spit the pills into the can. This way I wasn't like a zombie, & when I talked to the psychiatrists I could make sense & I hoped they would know I was not crazy.

126. If you get emotional about wanting to get out of there, then they just up the amount of drugs they give you.—To keep you calm & under subjection so you don't fight it. It was a torturous game of waiting, & you don't know what they are going to do with you! It really shook me up!

127. After I was there only a week, two psychiatrists came to see me. I tried to play on their emotions & tell them the rough life I'd lived. TTL, after a few more days they told me I could be released & my parents picked me up. See Q.#47, 48, 49

Discussion Questions

46) Why is it difficult for people to leave a State Mental Hospital once they've been committed?

47) What Letter does the State Mental Hospital remind you of? Does the System really care about the people who are in mental institutions? Do the doctors have any solutions? Can they really cure people's illnesses or help them? (See ML# 262, "The Green Door")

48) What ways can you see that the Lord still protected her & took care of her? Even though Auntie Crystal was in such a horrible place as the State Mental Hospital, the Lord was still with her! If Auntie Crystal, who wasn't even saved yet, was protected by the Lord in this situation & the Lord gave her wisdom & favour with the doctors, how much more will the Lord take care of those who are His Own & who love Him!

What verses can you quote that assure you of the Lord's protection in even the worst of circumstances?

49) Put yourself in Auntie Crystal's situation,—if you were in a mental institution, how would you cope? What would you do?

Do you think the Lord could raise up people for you to witness to even in a situation like that?—Consider the young hippie girl who had been in that State Mental Institution for two years simply because she took drugs. Do you think she would have been desperate for an answer & receptive to Jesus' Message? Do you think by witnessing to her you could help her?

If the Lord gave Auntie Crystal wisdom to see a plan to get out, do you think He could give you wisdom & help you to get out also? What do you think would be a wise way to talk to the doctors?

Heroin Overdose!

128. I started hitchhiking again. I went to California & then I ended up in Arizona with a girl who was into heroin. I knew heroin was very strong & it's common that when you started using heroin you eventually get physically addicted. It puts you in a tranquil state where you are half awake & half asleep. I really liked it, because I could escape from my problems while I was on heroin.

129. Again, in the back of my mind I started listening to voices about committing suicide—the Devil's temptation, I'm sure! I thought if I took an overdose I could get out of this life, so I told a big dealer that I was used to taking a lot of heroin so he'd give me a lot. My body couldn't handle that big dose because I wasn't used to taking it at all!—I overdosed. When you overdose on heroin you turn blue & your heart slows down. You slowly die. But they can put you on ice & it helps bring you back to life! In the Lord's mercy again, the guys I was with when I overdosed put me on ice & I was revived! The Lord obviously had a plan for my life. See Q.#50

Discussion Questions

50) Auntie Crystal says she started listening to voices about suicide. How do you know if the voices you hear are from the Lord or from the Devil? One little child put it very aptly & very simply when he said: "If the voice tells me to do something good, then I know it's the Lord; if it tells me to do something bad, then I know it's the Devil." Would you agree that it's bad to think thoughts about suicide?—Then would you also agree that those thoughts must surely come from the Devil?

Note about suicide: Even when Auntie Crystal was so foolish as to try to overdose on heroin & kill herself, the Lord saved her life. Isn't that a good example of the Lord's protection & how His plan will not be defeated! As Auntie Crystal said, the Lord had a plan for her life!

An important point to bear in mind is that when Auntie Crystal tried to commit suicide she did not know Jesus, she was not yet saved & therefore she was not accountable for knowing the Truth. The Lord knew Auntie Crystal didn't know how to pray or look to Him or rebuke the Devil—so He mercifully saved her life even when she sank to such depths that she thought she had no reason to live & therefore overdosed on heroin.

On the other hand, if a saved Christian who knows the Lord, like us, would try to commit suicide, the Lord would be displeased. Even if the Lord did save this Christian's life, he might have to suffer for his actions & pay a price for the mistake of trying to commit suicide. In other words, a Christian who recovers from a suicide attempt might suffer some permanent physical injury or the recovery period might take a long time. A Christian would more likely be chastised for the sin of trying to take his own life, whereas the unsaved person who is still searching may be shown more mercy by the Lord. (See Luk.12:47,48)

Topless Dancing & One-Night-Stands!

130. I was "burned-out" on the Arizona drug scene, so I started hitching again. When I say I was "burned out" I mean that I was just tired of it, I had seen & done so much that I was just sick of that whole scene. All my clothes got stolen & all I had was what I was wearing. I didn't even have any shoes. As I was hitching I would make love to different guys who picked me up & they would usually give me a place to stay for the night. One guy gave me a shirt to put over my T-shirt so I wouldn't be cold, & another guy gave me some shoes. I was like a motherless child.

131. The funny thing was I always had sexy underwear. When I'd go to different towns I couldn't get a regular System job because I didn't have any System clothes, so I would go into topless dance clubs & get a job there, because the only clothes you needed for that job was sexy underwear.

132. I ended up in Texas. I worked in a few different topless dance clubs—I would dance at night & then sit with some guy at the bar & hustle* him for a drink or for money so I could buy drugs. Every night I would stay with someone different, because I didn't have any place else to stay or any friends or family to stay with. I was getting to where I hated guys, but this was the only way I could live. I knew I had to fuck them to be able to stay in their house.—So that was my life. (*Hustle: To use a sly, tricky manner to convince someone to do something. To hustle someone often means you lie or make promises you never intend to keep. If a woman "hustles" a man, it usually means that she uses her sex appeal to get him to do something for her or give her something she needs or wants.) See Q.# 51-55

Discussion Questions

Note about topless dancing in the Family & the System: It is very natural for men to enjoy watching women dance topless. In our Family, dancing topless is one of the ways that adult women can show their love & appreciation for the men they love. It can be fun & exciting for both the men & the women if it is done in God's Spirit of Love & freedom. Thank the Lord that we can glorify God & Love & sex in dance. PTL!

However, in the System, topless dancing clubs are often dimly lit & full of smoke, demonic rock music & lots of drunk, rude, unruly men.—Of course, many of these men are probably very lonely & need love & sex, & that's why they go to topless dance clubs in the first place. Maybe they live alone & don't have anyone to talk to or anyone to make love to.—But they don't usually treat the dancers with love & respect & tenderness, they often treat the girls like cheap whores. They abuse them with insults & gross comments about sex, because they think sex is evil. It's really a very sad situation: The men are desperate for love & sex & the girls dancing are often desperate for money—but there isn't much real love or concern on either side.

It must have been difficult for Auntie Crystal to have to go to bed with a different man every night. Remember, these were people she didn't even know & probably lots of them weren't very nice or very clean.—Lots of times they were probably drunk. But if she didn't go home with someone after work each night, she didn't have anywhere to sleep! Look at how the Lord protected her when she was with all these strangers—she never actually got hurt or beaten or raped. So even though it was disgusting for her & she was sick of it, she didn't suffer much actual physical harm.

51) Why do you think Auntie Crystal says she was "getting to where she hated guys"?

  1. a) She was disillusioned with men because she felt they just used her only to get sexual satisfaction, but they didn't show any concern for her.
  2. b) She had been hurt in relationships many times.
  3. c) She had experienced so much sex without love.
  4. d) She was bitter because she felt men weren't giving her what she needed.
  5. e) She wanted to blame someone for her very sad situation, so she blamed the men.
  6. f) All of the above

Note about the comparison of the Family & the System: Thank the Lord we don't have to go through that, because we have the security of our Family & the Love of the Lord & we sincerely care about & take care of each other. Thank the Lord for Godly sex & the freedom of the Spirit to enjoy it to the full. Isn't it wonderful that when we know the Lord, sex can be beautiful & loving & completely different than sex in the System! "To the pure all things are pure."

52) What qualities do you think are needed in a relationship in order to be blessed with a sweet, loving & fulfilling sex life?

53) Some of you might feel like you've had some bad experiences in the Family with relationships, etc. Does reading about what Auntie Crystal went through make you feel like whatever happened to you wasn't so bad after all? Discuss how even the "worst" experience you might have had in the Family is better than the best such experience most people in the System ever have.

54) If people have had bad sexual experiences, do you think it's possible to get over those bad feelings of guilt or condemnation or bitterness & "forgive & forget"?

When considering this question, please bear in mind that Auntie Crystal now has a wonderful mate & husband—someone who loves her & loves the children they work with & is a very sweet, Godly man. They have been together for years & are happy & fulfilled in their work for the Lord. Isn't it wonderful how the Lord blessed Auntie Crystal after all she suffered, & as disillusioned as she had become with men!

55) If you are bothered by bad feelings related to past experiences, what do you think you should do to get rid of those feelings?

  1. a) Talk to your parents or Shepherds about it.
  2. b) Ask for prayer from your Shepherds.
  3. c) Do a Word study on the subject in order to get a good understanding of the Lord's viewpoint on it.
  4. d) Think about Auntie Crystal's experiences & then count your blessings & play the "Count Your Blessings" Game.

Discuss how the Lord has helped you get victories in this area.

I Was Sick of Men, Drugs & Spiritually Dying a Slow Death!

133. I was really hungering for something. There had to be something about life that was good, somewhere. Deep down I really wanted to believe that. I was idealistic—though I went through a lot, I always had in the back of my mind that something was going to work out for me, but my hopes were being shattered more & more every day.

134. I'd had enough flesh. I was sick of it. I was sick of drugs, I was sick of men, I was sick of not having a place to lay my head, sick of just living in the haunts I had to live in, dancing in those clubs & giving my life away for nothing, literally dying.

135. By my outward appearance it probably looked like I didn't even want help. I looked like a "far-out", crazy kind of girl. Outwardly I tried to look like I had it "together". But anyone who knew me for more than 15 or 20 minutes could probably tell that I was a very confused girl who was just trying to keep up with what was going on, the "cool scenes", but deep down in my heart I really hurt. I wanted someone to love me & hold me—I was really insecure. I needed real love, I was desperate. I would have done anything for it. I was progressively going downhill & it was hard to even express myself because I was so confused with drugs & alcohol. See Q.# 56

136. After I overdosed on heroin I stopped using the drug for a little while, but then in Texas I started hanging around with this girl who was using heroin & I started using it again. When I danced topless at night & got money, I would score heroin (buy it from the dealers on the street). You get addicted to heroin, to where you have to have it. If you're addicted to it, you'd even sell your mother to get it! My little brother was a junkie, a heroin addict, & I was fast becoming one too! I knew I was going to die for sure. I knew any day that I could O.D. (overdose). But at least I figured it would be an easy way to die. See Q.# 57

Discussion Questions

56) Is it possible that people who look like they're "far out" & "cool" & "have it together", are actually terribly lonely inside? In your witnessing have you ever met people who looked very "together", but were actually very mixed up? How could you tell they were mixed up? What did you tell them? Have you ever misjudged people like that while out witnessing, because of their false front, which caused you to hold back in your witness to them?

57) Why couldn't Auntie Crystal pull herself out of the pit of depression she was in? Why did she not care about herself any more or what happened to her?

"God, You've Got to Help Me!"

137. I didn't want to be alive. In a desperate final act, I thought I would try gassing myself—that way I could just go to sleep & never wake up! The only problem was I didn't have any place to gas myself. Finally I met these guys at a party, who worked during the day, so I thought I would use their apartment to kill myself. I had had enough of this lifestyle, I knew this wasn't it!

138. So one night I went to bed with three men at the same time & then I had them drop me off at an apartment of the guys whom I knew were out working during the day. I got out of their van & I had my underwear stuck in my pocket, I had on overalls with no bra, my hair was cut short on the sides & stuck straight up on the top like a punk rocker, I had a big wad of gum in my mouth, big platform shoes on (shoes with soles that were three or four inches thick)—I looked like a real mess! See Q.# 58

139. I leaned up against the building, I was crying & I looked up to Heaven & said, "God, if there is a God, You've got to help me! I don't want to be in this World any more! If You're really alive, You've got to help me!"

Jesus Loved the Whores & the Harlots!

140. At that moment a couple of fellows walked past & I approached them & asked if they had a plastic card, like a credit card, that I could borrow. (I knew how to break into apartments by using a plastic card.) I started chatting with these two fellows, & the thing that struck me about them was that they didn't have bloodshot eyes like people who drink & take drugs, & their faces were so fresh. They were so nice & clean-looking, so I invited them in.

141. I explained that I was just borrowing that apartment to kill myself. I told them they looked like nice guys, so they could come in. One of them said, "You're going to kill yourself? Why are you going to do that?" I said, "Well, I hate this World! There's no real love. I fuck somebody new every day. Nobody loves me, no one cares. Last night I was with three guys & they were all fucking me & not one of them cared for me!"

142. Then one of them said, "You know, Jesus loved the whores & the harlots, & He loves you," & I said, "How can Jesus love me? I usually have sex three or four times a day with different people, how can Jesus love me? I'm a sinner. Jesus doesn't love me!" He continued on but I said, "I don't want to talk about this Jesus stuff," but at the same time something rang in my heart. I thought that was a strange doctrine that I had never heard in any church, but I didn't let them know that I was touched. Then they gave me "Diamonds of Dust" & I read it. I didn't get a whole lot out of it at that time, but I knew it was pretty heavy.

143. These boys were so sweet & they had real soft answers & comforting voices. One said, "Do you like music?" I said "Yes, I love music." He said he was a musician. Then he said they were telling people about Jesus & His Love. The word Jesus kept coming up & I felt really ashamed & exposed. The idea of Jesus loving me fascinated me, but I was real disillusioned with life so I was quite skeptical. See Q.# 59-62

Discussion Questions

58) If you had seen Auntie Crystal in this condition, by her outward appearance, would you say she looked like one of God's sheep? Do you think you would have witnessed to her that night if you had run into her? Have you ever seen people that looked like her—dressed in a strange outfit & looking very lost?—Maybe punk rockers or radical teenagers? Did you witness to them? Were they receptive? Discuss your experiences.

59) Do you think it was a mere coincidence that two brothers from the Family happened to run into Auntie Crystal right after she had desperately prayed? The Bible says to "be instant in season & out of season" & be "ready always to give an answer". If these brothers would have been walking along on a bummer & thinking about themselves or if they had been busy talking to each other & they procrastinated in talking to her or missed witnessing to Auntie Crystal, what do you think might have happened? (See Good Thots, pg. 509, #18.)

60) When Auntie Crystal wasn't too interested in hearing about Jesus in the beginning, what did the brothers talk about?

61) Do you think the brothers used wisdom when witnessing to Auntie Crystal? What were the main things in their witness that touched & won her heart?

62) If you're witnessing to someone & they respond with a few negative comments or don't necessarily look like they're receiving everything you say, what should you do?

—Should you back down right away & just forget it?

—Should you blast them & tell them to just go to Hell?

—Or should you continue to witness to them—looking for a point that you have in common or some subject you can talk about that they're interested in?

"That life?—Or This Life?!"—Freedom at Last!

144. He said he played music & he invited me to come back to their house a few blocks away, so we started walking to the Home. See Q.#63 We were walking down an alley when one of them said something about asking Jesus to come into my heart & I said, "Here, in this alley?" Right at that moment I looked up & there on the balcony above us was the guy who I got my drugs from. He was on heroin, & I remember thinking in my heart, "That life?—Or this life?"

145. Although I didn't really understand what they were talking about, I said, "Sure, man, I'll ask Jesus into my heart." I was really proud & it was humiliating for me to pray in the alley, so I closed my eyes & said the prayer a little sarcastically, but when I opened my eyes I had peace in my heart that I'd never had before.

146. All that fear & nervousness was lifted off of me. Up till then I had lived in constant fear & condemnation, I was just eaten up inside by a spirit of fear! I couldn't sleep at night, I couldn't exist without drugs to sedate me so I wouldn't think. But with a simple prayer, the Lord had lifted the weights off of me. See Q.# 64

147. Then we arrived at their Home where there were two pregnant girls who said, "God bless you! We love you! Hallelujah! We love you!" I kept saying, "But you don't even know me! I'm a whore! I take drugs! I dance topless! I fuck someone different every day!" But they just kept saying, "That doesn't matter. We love you anyway!" See Q.# 65

148. Then we went into another room & the brother started playing a song for me called, "What Are You Going to Do When You Get to Be 25?"—I was 25! "Do you think you'll be happy or even be alive?"—Well, you can see how many times I had tried to kill myself, I definitely wasn't happy! "We are strangers in a strange land, this World is not our home. We're leaving for a better place & you can come along." The words went like darts into my heart & I thought, "This song was written for me!" I knew I had finally found what I had been looking for & that is when I joined the Family! TYJ! See Q.# 66-68

149. I hope you will believe me when I say that my life is not an isolated case, there are thousands upon thousands of people out there with even sadder stories, I'm sure. Although my testimony may have been somewhat extreme or exceptional in its day, nowadays society has degraded to the point that such a testimony is becoming more the rule than the exception! It's only getting darker & more demonic day by day. I'm sure I suffered little compared to what's happening now, 15, or 20 years later! The poor kids out there are suffering so much, we need to do all we can to reach them!

150. In closing I would like to quote some beautiful paragraphs from a Letter called "Pawn". These paragraphs have been a great encouragement to me, because I feel like they could have been written about me personally. PTL! "They were being swept away, really swept away, but she just threw her arms around the Rock & that saved her. Such an awful black flood sweeping away so many people, screams & groans & cries, but as she was passing the Rock she threw her arms around it & she was delivered!

151. "Your kisses, Jesus, kiss away their hurts & their tears & their sins & their diseases! The Lord had to break the chains. They can't deliver themselves. He has to purge & purify & cleanse. They're all clean now, not dirty any more, no longer under the power of the Enemy. He can't harm them or touch or control them any more. They're no longer under his grip. Praise the Lord!

152. "The Rock smashed the Devil's grip! It saves the girl, but it crushes the Enemy! She can climb out of it (the flood of System sewage) onto the Rock. The Rock has to be there right in the middle of all that muck to find them & save them. But our kids are up there in the middle of the Rock, nice & clean, plenty of room for everybody!" ("Pawn", ML #370, DB1, pg.22 & 23)

153. Praise the Lord! Let's do all we can to reach the others who are still lost in the flood of the System! Jesus is the only Answer!

Discussion Questions

63) Do you think Auntie Crystal would have gone home with these brothers if they had been shocked, horrified & condemning of what she told them? Do you think Auntie Crystal might have been testing the brothers to see if she could "blow them away"?

64) Auntie Crystal says she prayed sarcastically when she asked Jesus into her heart. Why do you think she prayed that way in front of the two brothers? Despite her outward sarcasm, did Jesus still see the desperate need & cry of her heart, & answer her prayer? Did Jesus still hear her prayer & come into her heart? Can you think of any verses that show that Jesus will come into your heart simply because you ask Him in, regardless of exactly how you outwardly pray, if in your heart you sincerely want Him? (See 1Sam.16:7b; Rom.10:13; Jn.6:37)

65) Is it possible when you're witnessing to people that they can be deeply touched but not show it? Why would someone not want to show that they are touched by your witness?—What would keep them from being honest about that?

  1. Pride
  2. b) Fear of what others will think
  3. c) They want to keep up a bold front & act cool.
  4. d) They want to get to know a little bit more about what you're talking about before they show too much interest.
  5. e) "Religion" sometimes scares people, so they keep their distance a little bit at first.

—Can you think of other possible reasons?

66) The brethren were very led of the Spirit when they sang the song, "What Are You Going to Be When You Get to Be 25," because it was a very appropriate song for Auntie Crystal. What other songs do you think would be good witnessing songs?

67) What has Grandpa said about our music & its power to reach God's sheep? Do you think it would be worthwhile to learn to play a few witnessing songs on the guitar? Discuss how you might fit that into your schedule.

68) How does the following verse apply to Auntie Crystal's life story? "In the day when ye shall call upon Me with your whole heart I will answer thee."

69) When you go witnessing, do you pray for the Lord to lead you to His sheep? Has the Lord ever led you to someone who was very desperate & who knew that meeting you was an answer to their prayers? Share & discuss your experiences.

Further Points to Pow-Wow!

1) What effect did this testimony have on you?

—Did it make you thankful for the Family?

—Did it make you sick of the System?

—Did it open your eyes?

—Did it make you fearful?

—Did it give you more understanding & compassion for the people you witness to?

Discuss your reactions to this Traumatic Testimony.

2) After you read a testimony like Auntie Crystal's, one of your first questions might be: "Why did God allow all this to happen to Auntie Crystal?—How can one person go through so much?!" Discuss why you think Auntie Crystal had to experience all this.

Note about why the Lord allowed Auntie Crystal to go through so much: Mama Maria asked Grandpa why he thought one person would have to go through so many years of suffering terrible agony like that, & he replied with several reasons:

  1. a) "So she can comfort others with the comfort wherewith she has been comforted, so she can reach other people who are like she was.
  2. b) "So she can warn our thousands of Family young people of the dangers of the System.
  3. c) "Maybe she wouldn't have come to the Lord if she hadn't gone through all that.
  4. d) "So she would have a burden for our special problem children & an understanding for them.
  5. e) "So she could show our entire Family the need of the poor, lost, heartbroken World, all of whom have at least some of the same problems Crystal experienced." PTL!

3) After reading Auntie Crystal's life story, did you wonder why she kept doing some of the same bad things over & over? She had several relationships with violent men, she had two babies taken away from her because of her negligence, she had repeated problems with alcohol & drugs, she tried to commit suicide several times, etc. Even though her weaknesses caused her no end of trouble & suffering, she still didn't learn her lesson & she went back & did the same things over & over.—Why?

  1. a) When you don't know the Lord, you think the answer has got to be there somewhere so you keep coming back & trying to find it, no matter how painful it is to keep searching.
  2. b) It is possible for an unsaved person to get addicted to habits that cause self-destruction. Many people such as alcoholics, drug addicts, gamblers, prostitutes etc. get addicted & they keep going back to their weaknesses, no matter how bad it is.
  3. c) She kept falling into the same weaknesses because she kept going right back into the same environment & hanging around the same kind of people & subjecting herself to the same temptations.
  4. d) It took her all that time to finally get completely fed up with the System & realise that she was never going to find the answer there. Then she finally found the Lord.
  5. e) All of the above.

—Can you think of more reasons?

4) After reading Auntie Crystal's testimony, can you see how life in the World is so much different than how it's portrayed in the movies? Discuss things you've seen in movies that have given you the wrong impression of life in the System. Why do you think the Devil would try to paint an unrealistic picture of the System through movies? Have you felt that the movies you've seen portray System romance or marriage in the System as being wonderful? How does this true life story show you that that's a lie?

5) Discuss the very big difference in our Family's attitude about sex & the attitude of the System about sex as portrayed in Auntie Crystal's testimony.

6) Discussion about alcoholics: An alcoholic is a person who is dependent on alcohol—meaning they feel they need to drink alcohol to help them cope with their problems or difficulties of some kind. There are millions of alcoholics in the World today. In fact, in the U.S. alone there are an estimated 10.6 million alcoholic adults & over three million teenagers who are alcoholics. It's a very sad situation & lots of System families are wrecked because of alcohol.

In the Family there are people who have had difficulties controlling their desire to drink alcohol. You may have heard about people's personal battles with alcohol.—Maybe some Uncles or Aunties you know might have had prayer or confessed to having this weakness.—Or maybe even one of your parents have had trouble with drinking too much. Recently Auntie Faithy wrote a wonderful FSM article called, "Faithy's Deliverance from Alcoholism" (FSM 162).

Having a desire to drink too much alcohol can happen to anyone—it doesn't just happen to the poor people in the System. But isn't it wonderful that in the Family when we suffer from such a weakness as desiring to drink more than is good for us, that we have some concrete steps we can take to help us & safeguard us? We have a very workable solution when people have problems with drinking too much—we can call upon the Lord for His help & deliverance. Also, as another good safeguard, it is usually best for people who cannot control their desire to drink to just not drink at all—that cuts down the temptation to drink too much. For example, Mama Maria recently counseled Uncle Dust to not drink any more at all, because he made some serious mistakes due to having his guard down after drinking several glasses of wine. (See "Mama's Letters of Counsel to JAD", ML#2621, GN 437.)

So you see, in the Family we are not perfect, we too face some of the same temptations as the people of the World, but the very great difference is that we have Jesus & the Word & our Family to help us overcome whatever difficulties or battles we face. PTL!

Can you think of other weaknesses that are common in the System that some people in the Family have to battle? Is it possible to get the victory over these weaknesses with Jesus' help? Have you had any weaknesses common to what Systemites have which the Lord has helped you to overcome, such as lying, stealing, worldliness etc? Discuss.

7) Discussion about men who beat (batter) their wives: It was probably very shocking for you to see that in the World men actually beat their wives. It is even more shocking when you realise how common this problem is! In America, roughly between three & four million women are beaten by their husbands each year; that means one woman every 15 seconds! More than one million of these women seek medical help, making battery (beating) the number one cause of injury to women in the U.S. today. Over 2,000 women a year are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the U.S. So you see, it's a very serious problem in the System!

Often the poor women in the System don't have any way to get help. Sometimes there are "hot lines" available, telephone numbers that women can call if they are in danger or in trouble. It's very sad though, because the women are often too afraid or embarrassed to call for help.

There have been situations in the Family also where some men have had great difficulty controlling their temper & they have hit their wives. This is very rare, thank the Lord. Even in the Family it can be difficult to confess that you have this problem.—Possibly because the man feels very guilty or because the woman feels afraid or embarrassed or condemned. But what should anyone in our Family do if this ever happens?

  1. a) Confess your problems to your Shepherds immediately.
  2. b) Ask for desperate prayer for deliverance.
  3. c) Memorise verses that would help you control your temper.
  4. d) Quit drinking any alcohol, because the influence of alcohol does not help people control their temper.
  5. e) A wife should not do or say things that would provoke her husband to wrath. Weaknesses or sins such as nagging, jealousy, possessiveness, murmuring etc. can bring out the worst in some men, provoke them to anger & even push them to the brink of violence. So in the case of such serious marriage problems, the wife too must prayerfully seek the Lord & check her heart to see her blame in the situation as well.—And then ask for prayer & make a commitment to change as needed.

If the problem persists, if a man hits his wife again, even after prayer & counseling, then more serious measures must be taken such as separation or even excommunication of the guilty person, if he doesn't change & stop.

The Bible says a man should love his wife as Christ loves the Church. Explain what that means. (See Eph.5:25)

8) Many times Auntie Crystal made a choice to just run away from her problems. For example, she said she "would do anything" to get away from her parents; she often ran away from reality by taking drugs or drinking alcohol; when she got tired of one place or situation she just took off hitchhiking, etc.

Is running away from your problems the solution? If you have problems, what should you do?

  1. a) Talk to your parents or Shepherds
  2. b) Don't just run away; face it, attack it
  3. c) Do a Word study on the subject to strengthen your faith

—Discuss how you should go about solving any problems you may encounter in life.

Note about the number of teenage runaways: In the U.S., more than one million teenagers run away from home each year. Usually they leave home & live on the streets, a world filled with muggers, pimps*, pushers** & drug addicts, thieves, molesters etc. (*pimp: a man who oversees a number of prostitutes **pusher: a person who sells drugs)

9) How many specific examples can you think of in this testimony that show how the System is not based on love & concern for others, but rather on hatred, greed & selfishness? Can you think of ways in which the World is in worse condition now than it was 15 or 20 years ago during Auntie Crystal's youth?

10) How does the following quote apply to Auntie Crystal's life story: "If you put these desires of the flesh first above God & others & the needs of your spirit, then you'll find that nothing ever satisfies, not even the most total indulgence in the flesh!" (DB5, ML #250:17)

11) How do you think having read this testimony will help you in your witnessing? Mama Maria said: "It's like Crystal represents the whole lost World & all that they go through. All of the World's problems are wrapped up in her story. It's such a vivid picture of today's troubled World: Problems with parents, broken homes, unfaithful lovers, lost children, heartbreak, search for Truth, too little money, too much money, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, health problems, nervous breakdowns, operations & serious illnesses, prison, mental institution, juvenile homes, fears, violence etc.—What a portrayal of the sad lost World that our Family goes into daily to try to reach with Jesus' Love!" How can you use this testimony in your witnessing?

12) Do you feel it's necessary for you to personally experience all the horrors of the System that Auntie Crystal did?—Or have you learned from her experiences?

Reactions to Auntie Crystal's Traumatic Testimony

From Philip (18)

It's amazing what Auntie Crystal went through! TTL for His mercy. One thing that this testimony brings out is how much love, patience & faith the Lord has for His Own. Another thing it brings out is the way the Devil works. It shows how if you follow him, that's the way you are going to end up!—It's really horrifying! TTL for the Family! God help me never to go that way!

From Paul A. (14)

This testimony really exposes where the System's at & how most System relationships are just a big failure in one way or another. I'm sure it will really help a lot of teens in the Family to see that marriage in the System without the Lord & the Family is a giant flop! TYJ!

From Johno (15)

Hearing this testimony served to reinforce to me how empty & how much husks all that supposed System "fun" is. One thing that's been attractive to me is thinking about those sexy topless "go-go girls" or dancers, & I thought it would be really neat to be with one. It was an eye-opener to hear that those girls are really miserable. They're probably quite disgusted with the way they are, & tired of having guys always hanging around them, but never giving them any real Love.

The System portrayal of what we see in the movies of how great System relationships are is really a lie. Like Auntie Crystal said, it's just all flesh & no Spirit, it can't satisfy. So Lord help me not to have any desire or fascination for these seemingly "together" worldly girls, when we have the real Spirit here in the Family. TTL!

It made me really thankful for the Family to realise where the "good times" in the System lead to. I saw what could happen to me if I don't stay close to the Lord & the Word! So, TTL, I'm very thankful to be spared from all that & to be here! God bless you for sharing your testimony, Auntie Crystal, I'm sure it will really shake anyone up who thinks the World is okay & show them where it's at!—That's what it did for me!

From Mene (17)

I have really learned a lot from Auntie Crystal's testimony! It really helped destroy some flowery ideas I had of the System! For example, it really confirmed quotes to me like: "You can have flesh without measure from your birth until you get old... but only the Spirit will satisfy!" Or another one that goes something like: "If you put the desire of the flesh above the needs of the Spirit—or before the Lord—you'll find that nothing ever satisfies, not even the most total indulgence in the flesh!"

Sometimes I have been tempted with the thought of, "Well, there are quite a few handsome boys out there & they seem to have a lot of free sex out there in the System." But this testimony showed me that the lust of the flesh & fulfilling the flesh is not that great after all. In fact, without Jesus & real Love, it's a real let-down! I'm so thankful to have people around me who truly care for me & have real love for me!

It was shocking for me to see that Auntie Crystal married a real good-looking guy & later she lived with more handsome, charming men, but most of them turned out to be real devilish & really weird, beating her up & not caring for her at all! It amazed me to see that the one she'd married & had a child by, ended up putting her in serious danger & she was in fear of her life! So much for the romance stories in the movies.

I'm glad we're shooting the Devil's fabrications & lies full of holes by exposing the realities of the horrors of the System! It really showed me over & over again how lustful love can turn to hate & violence, etc. Also, it's interesting that those who were simply good-looking & had such appeal sexually to Auntie Crystal were not deep in character & couldn't feed her spiritual hunger!

She said that musicians were her idols. I think some musicians really do have charm. I have seen different System singers on shows from videos or on television (or actors in movies) & I've thought, "Wow," & I flipped a little over them! But between Uncle Jeremy's Traumatic Testimony about all those famous charming musicians being Sodomites & Auntie Crystal's story about living with the singer, Jones, I saw that "all that glitters is not gold"!

She described this guy as being real charming, but he was weird & had some real bad, weird, dark spirits. He was also violent & mean, yet still had a bewitching power over her. So maybe a lot of that charm of the System's musicians is the Devil trying to get some of us on the wrong track so we begin seeking after something that leads to a trap & a lot of darkness!

It was clear that Auntie Crystal had nothing to live for, especially near the end before she met the Family! I can't imagine just dancing to get money, to get drugs, or thinking about just killing myself off or just kind of nodding out on drugs to keep me from worrying or being nervous with no vision, no goal ahead, nothing to look forward to, no Heaven, no Jesus! It makes me thankful for the visions & goals I have because of the Family & Grandpa & the Word!

Also, her experiences in the State Hospital, the institution or nut-house, really went along with Uncle Gary's story of the so-called "Reformatory"—how the staff or whoever is supposed to be taking care of you or helping you, don't help you at all! They don't care! That was so sad how she described the spirit that hung over that place, so people thought, "There's no hope! I'll probably be in here for a long time!" This makes me begin to appreciate Family life in a Home a lot more, because here we have good Shepherds who care & who can reach into our hearts. We have Jesus Who is able to do miracles to change our lives. We have the Word which is the secret to victory & the answer to all our problems. And also people have hope that they can graduate, & that they can be new creatures in Christ Jesus!

Also we have a lot of fun & we are made useful in whatever jobs need to be done & we even get praised when we do a good job or really strive to reach a goal & change! And a very big blessing is we receive real Love! (And we are trying to learn to give more Love too!)

I was touched how Jesus really personally cared for Auntie Crystal, & He was watching over her all those years, preserving her life until He finally rescued her. God bless her for going through all that, in many ways for our sakes! It is an encouraging reminder to me personally, how He really loves us & cares for us, no matter what sinners we've been! GBY!

From Ben (15)

This testimony helped me to see where the System is really at & that the things on TV are lies of the Devil to try to get us teens to go to the System. The Devil's plan is to get us out of the Lord's Will! But I'm very thankful for you adults who are able to tell us the Truth, because you have been there & have had to experience it!

A big lesson I can draw from this testimony is to be thankful for the Family, which is able to take care of us so we don't have to go through these things. Our Shepherds can teach us what is wrong through their experience! I'm thankful that you can take care of me & that I don't have to be sent to a System booby hatch or jail where there is no love, no hope or anything! It's scary to think that if I had actually backslid a couple of years back, I probably would have ended up in a place like that mental institution!

It showed me exactly where the System is at & that the way they portray it in the movies is fake. It also destroyed my image of Rock stars! I always knew that people like Michael Jackson & other Rock stars were bad, but I thought that maybe some weren't so bad! But this testimony showed me that they are not of the Lord! They are into themselves, & so I shouldn't be fascinated by them!

From Mary (15)

This whole story reminded me of the story of "The Little Angel of the Street!", how she was on drugs, but Jesus turned her life around. Also I found this fitting quote which really touched my heart: "All the misfits of society! Those most likely not to succeed! And yet by the miraculous power & grace of God, they became shining lights to the children of men, rays of hope to despairing & desperate men!"

Hearing this testimony made me thankful for how we can counsel & pray about things in love in the Family. The way the System handles matters of the heart is just shocking! Having been in the Family all my life, I tend to take all the Love that we have for granted.

To marry someone & live with them & have a baby is probably what a lot of girls wish for.—But it is plain to see after hearing this testimony that having all that without the Lord is all so empty!

I was quite shocked to hear that when you get sent to a place like a mental institution they don't really want to help you get the victory or come out of it. They just want to put you away, get you out of sight! I always thought that at least the doctors, nurses & psychiatrists were there to help you & at least they wanted to see you get better & get out of there. I was quite shocked to learn that they just keep you there to make more money off you.

I've never experienced being with a whole lot of different guys & getting it on with whoever I want.—But that's something that's been in the back of my mind, & I thought it would be nice & maybe a bit fun. Well, nowadays especially with AIDS, it sure wouldn't be fun! Just looking at it that way makes me thankful for the "restrictions" we have. This testimony shows how getting to just run wild with a bunch of guys who don't care about you is no fun at all!

From Renee (15)

Many times I have heard people say, "The System's not where it's at," but hearing something like this, someone's own personal testimony, really drives the point home. This testimony shows how anything that you could ever imagine doing if you went to the System is just a flat failure! Auntie Crystal "had it all", according to the System's way of looking at it. She had a good-looking husband, all the money she could want, her own place, a good job & it still didn't make her happy & it all just ended in husks.

It was a real shock to me to hear about all the violence that she experienced & that people in the System just use violence & beat people up to express themselves. It's so sad to see how people in the System don't take the time to talk or share hearts, it's just all flesh.—That was real shocking!

Sometimes I think I really have it tough, but in comparison to what Auntie Crystal went through, what I "suffer" is really nothing! Considering how much mercy the Lord has on us, we should really be thankful.

This testimony also exposed to me how the System's just in it for the money & they don't really care about you or how you feel. They're not trying to help you make it.—Like in the State Mental Hospital, when she said that they would sedate her & keep her as a zombie just to make money off her. I never realised that it was like that! Although it's not a place where I would ever want to go, at least I thought they would want to help you get out. But to see that they're just there to make money & they don't really care whether you're crazy or not, totally exposes how anti-Christ the whole System is.

This testimony also shows how you can't go fooling around with the Enemy & playing his games, because he can lead you to literal total destruction. I thought it would be a lot of fun to be getting it on with the boys & always having the cutest guy, but this testimony shows where all that leads to & that it doesn't satisfy! No matter what you try, it's not going to satisfy unless you have the Lord & the Word!


Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family