July 17, 2003
FSM 339 CM/FM
6/99
Copyright © by The Family
By Marie, ASCRO
Dearest Mama,
Looking back I guess the thing that amazes me most of all about the Lord's help is how it really doesn't seem to matter who you are, or what you are, or how good you are or anything. I'm really nothing; I'm not such a good or spiritual person or anything like that.—In fact, to the contrary, I've definitely had my fair share of battles and problems and all, Lord help me. But the Lord doesn't seem to really see all of that when it comes down to these life and death situations. Thank the Lord for that! This testimony shows that the Lord is still very, very present to heal, to save, and to do miracles.
I've been working at the ASCRO office now for around 10 or 12 years. I have two teenage daughters (17 and 15) and after a space of 13 years I had another little girl, who's now two years old. Towards the latter part of last year I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks, which was pretty difficult, though the Lord kept me and everything was taken care of naturally. Then just one month later, around Christmas, I discovered that I was pregnant again, which was a real surprise for me as I wasn't expecting it to happen so fast. I had mixed feelings: On the one hand I did want another baby, but on the other hand with it being quite soon after the other miscarriage, I really didn't feel so strong or physically ready for it—though I knew the Lord was able.
Not too long into my pregnancy I started spotting off and on.—Nothing serious, but it made me wonder if perhaps I was going to miscarry again. I did what I could to be careful and things were okay for a while. Then just into the new year I had a major attack of something that felt like super bad cramps, or gas pains. I almost fainted, and went to lie down. I spent all that day and the next recovering. Just a few days later I had another similar attack—not quite as serious, but still quite painful.
We prayed about what it could be and thought that it was either something with my stomach or my appendix, or it could have been a tubal pregnancy. I went with another sister for a checkup a day or two later, to try to see what the problem could be. The doctor (who is a Family contact) checked me and really couldn't tell if there was anything wrong. It didn't seem to be the normal symptoms of an appendicitis attack. He couldn't feel my uterus (which he should have been able to at six weeks), so he said that I wasn't six weeks pregnant yet and he couldn't tell if there was anything wrong with the pregnancy for a few more weeks.
I remember at that time I wondered about that. I was pretty sure I was more than six weeks along, but because I didn't know exactly when my last period was, the doctor thought I had just miscalculated.
The thought did cross my mind though, that because the doctor couldn't feel my uterus that might indicate that the fetus was somewhere else instead, but I didn't say anything. Because this doctor helps us for free, and had recently done a free exam and ultrasound for me when I miscarried a month or so earlier, I just didn't have a peace about trying to push things any further with him and ask for another ultrasound or anything. Maybe that was a mistake and I should have been more desperate or more specific at that time.
After that I concluded that it must just be something strange with my stomach and maybe I just needed a bit of time to heal because I was weak. I was careful with what I ate, and aside from getting a touch of stomach trouble one night, I was generally okay.
Health Problems on Trips
Shortly after that I started bleeding quite heavily for a few days, and thought that I had miscarried again. The miscarriage, as I thought it was, wasn't so difficult. I just thought that since it had been much earlier in my pregnancy this time around, it was much easier on me than the previous miscarriage had been. Things were so very, very busy during this whole time, with Christmas, preparations for the Heart to Heart concerts, and the Feast. We had a couple of different visitors to our Home around that time and then of course there were the preparations for meetings that were to take place here at that time. In some ways I was so engrossed in everything that was happening, and trying to be a blessing as much as I could, that my health and what my body was going through sort of slipped into the background. It was pretty easy to just plug away and keep on going.
About a month later I took a five-day trip out of the country with a couple of folks from our Home to renew my visa. However, on this trip the moment I stepped into the hotel room I was once again hit with severe pain, and had to lie down right away. I basically remained in bed the whole trip and was only able to get up and walk the day that we left to return home. I still thought it was a problem with my appendix, and surmised that since I'd had peanut butter on the train, that must have not agreed with me and I needed to be very careful what I ate. All this time I was still spotting, and it would get a little heavier whenever I experienced this pain, though I didn't necessarily connect the two so much.
After returning home things were fine for the next three weeks or so, though at the same time I just didn't feel well. It's hard to describe, but I just had a feeling of general unwellness—yet there was nothing I could put my finger on. I was still spotting most days and thought it was just taking me a long time to recover from the miscarriage because I was fairly weak physically. I began to get very discouraged about my health and I was quite desperate to know what to do, and what the Lord was trying to teach me.
Lessons about Shutting the Lord Out
Around the same time that I started battling these different health problems, there were other personal battles I was struggling with as well.
It came down to my not trusting the Lord in these personal situations. And, as I so often do when I don't understand something or can't seem to trust the Lord for a situation, I just sort of cut myself off from the Lord. It wasn't a deliberate thing, but somehow I just stopped hearing from the Lord, my Word time dwindled, and I went on—sort of oblivious to things, or in a way I guess hardening my heart or not really seeking the Lord as I should have been. It's been a longtime problem with me, just finding it oh-so-hard sometimes to trust the Lord without questioning what He is doing.
But because I was feeling very desperate about my health, I prayed and really sought the Lord about it. As always, being so loving and sweet, He answered right away. I realized, as He spoke, that I had drifted away from Him, and He told me it was because of my lack of trust in Him. Here's what He said:
As you take the time to be strengthened by Me spiritually, so will I also strengthen you physically. For this physical weakness is merely symbolic of your spiritual weakness and lack of health. I have kept you physically weak so that you would turn to Me and hear from Me, but instead you have stubbornly resisted My offer to help, and have tried to draw your needed strength from within yourself.
But man's strength is weak and puny compared to My strength. It is not comparable; it cannot sustain you, nor give you the power, victory, and light you need.
Oh, come to Me! Come to Me every day for My Words of love and wisdom. Without them you are but a shallow shell; there is no substance nor depth. (End of message.)
The next morning I got a further prophecy:
(Jesus speaking:) Come to Me with all your burdens, problems, grIefs, and fears. You must learn to trust Me, for I want only good for My children. I know you still do not even fully understand the way I have worked in your life, or believe totally that it is working for your good. But still, just trust Me, and one day you will see, know, and believe.
It is My New Year's prayer for you to My Father that you will learn greater trust and will see the fruit of trusting Me—that it will not be hidden from your sight but that all things will become clear so that you can go on with a brightness, sharpness in spirit, and clarity that is more than ever before.
It is My prayer also that you will learn once again the beauty of surrendering to Me and My Word, to surrender to spending time with Me and yielding in the bed of love with Me.
So My love, those are My personal prayer requests to My Father for you, specifically tailored to you, for I know you better than you even know yourself. And all that is happening in your life is in answer to My prayers for you, for prayer is powerful and it truly moves the hand of God. (End of prophecy.)
That was so beautiful. I could hardly believe that the Lord would pray for little old me. I am nothing, just a little nobody, really, and at first I questioned if the Lord really would pray for me. Then I remembered that He ever liveth to make intercession for us (Heb.7:25), and I guess it was His prayers that really were the force behind all that followed, because as He said, prayer is powerful, and it truly moves the hand of God.
At the Point of Death, the Lord Carries Me in His Arms
Just two days after receiving that prophecy, the Lord started to work and to teach me to trust Him, just as He'd promised He would. Once again I was hit with a severe pain which was very similar to the type I'd had before, but this time I fainted. I was only out for a short time; I somehow then managed to make my way back to my bedroom and lie on my bed.
It was getting towards evening and some folks came and prayed for me and I started to feel marginally better. As this was the way it always went, I thought it would be the same.—I'd have quite a bit of pain for a while, and then it would subside and I'd just be very sore for a day or so afterwards. My mate Sam stayed close by most of the evening and I was eventually able to go to sleep. But at around three a.m. I woke up again with quite strong pain.—This time I just didn't know what to do, as it didn't seem to be lessening any as it had in the past. I woke Sam up and asked if he could pray for me. I was on the verge of passing out again and I remember telling him that he had to do something.
Things moved pretty quickly after that. Sam and sweet Praise prepared to take me to a nearby hospital. I think the Lord had checked Sam quite strongly, urging him to go ahead and take me in.
At one point Sam hesitated, wondering how he was going to get me from my bed to the car, as any movement caused the pain to really intensify. I can remember wondering the same thing. Sam said, Well, I'll just have to carry you. At the same time the Lord spoke to me and told me to just let Sam pick me up, and to put my whole weight and trust on him, and He promised it wouldn't hurt.
Then He said that this was also what He was doing in the spirit. He was picking me up in His arms and I just had to put my whole weight on Him, trust Him and He would carry me through. That was so encouraging, and from that point on I had a lot of trust that the Lord was going to see me through.
The car ride there was pretty intense as every little bump really hurt me quite a bit. Then at the hospital Sam had to carry me out of the car and put me on a stretcher. From there on, though, it seemed that the Lord just did it. To be honest, I don't really remember feeling the pain so much. At least it didn't seem to matter so much anymore and it wasn't so unbearable. It was almost like I was in and out of my body, or not feeling what my body was actually going through or something—a real strange feeling.
A doctor made an initial diagnosis—that the symptoms weren't really like appendicitis, though he suspected that it perhaps had something to do with my recent miscarriage. He mentioned that he would have an obstetrician come and check me as soon as he got in, and he did some preliminary tests in the meantime. They put me on a drip, admitted me to a ward, did a blood test, urine test, etc.
The obstetrician arrived at eight a.m. He was such a sweet, sweet man, and not only was he very precious, but he spoke fluent English, so we were able to communicate well from the beginning. He was very concerned. My urine test showed I was still pregnant, which meant that I hadn't miscarried when I thought I had. He arranged a couple more tests, an internal examination and an ultrasound.
While doing the ultrasound he became quite studious and quiet—and he pointed out to me on the screen a fetus, nine weeks (he could tell from measuring on the ultrasound monitor how old it was). I asked if it was still alive, but he said no, as there was no heartbeat or sign of movement.
Then he asked me, Just wait a moment, please, and he rushed out of the room only to return a minute or two later with a video tape. He then proceeded to put everything from the ultrasound on video. He called Sam and Praise into the room, as he wanted to explain something. He showed us all the fetus again on the screen, mentioned that it was no longer alive, and that it was nine weeks old. And then he pointed way above the fetus and said something along the lines of, This is where the fetus is supposed to be, in the uterus, but instead it's in the fallopian tube—the right tube.
I was shocked. Having been a nurse, I realized that you can't go much over six weeks without the tube bursting, or at least without being in such great pain that you can't take it any more. The doctor was also amazed, and kept on saying that he didn't understand how I could have been walking around with that going on inside of my body.
I guess it was at that point that I realized what a miracle of protection the Lord had done. It was as if He'd had His angels there somehow keeping my tube from bursting, probably ever since I first began feeling pain. He'd seen me through two trips out of the country, and through four different attacks which I'd thought was some sort of stomach trouble.
The doctor shared with us that each time I'd felt that severe pain, the tube was probably bursting a little, and then somehow each time it had miraculously healed up again. He thought that perhaps a blood clot formed and sort of sealed up the tube for a little longer. At the time, that's about all I could comprehend.
The first time I experienced the pain I was probably just six weeks pregnant. When I left the country to renew my visa I must have been about nine weeks, and that must have been around the time that the fetus died, and that was also the time when I had another fairly serious bout of pain that kept me in bed the whole time I was away. Finally, I experienced another attack of pain about three weeks after that, which brought it up to about 12 weeks total that the Lord had been protecting me so miraculously. The last 6 weeks of those 12 I was walking around, trying to be faithful with my get-out (in order to improve my health), etc., when according to the doctor, I shouldn't even have been able to walk! Isn't that amazing and such a miracle of the Lord's power? Praise the Lord!
An operation followed very soon afterwards and revealed that I had lost over a liter of blood. But thank the Lord everything went real well, and I was able to come home to recuperate just a couple of days later.
Real Trust
It was after coming home that I finally began to realize what the Lord had done—not only the amazing miracle and testimony of His ability to keep and protect against all odds, but how much He wanted me to learn to trust Him. Going through an experience like this, seeing His miracle-working power and how much He really is in control of every facet of my life, is helping me to learn to trust Him in all other areas of my life too. How could I not trust Him, after seeing how involved He is in every detail of my life? How can I now not trust Him for any other personal situation, or anything that I don't understand? It shows me His majesty and power, yet at the same time His love and care for the smallest little one.
When I first considered the possibility of a tubal pregnancy I re-read Endureth's testimony (Jesus Shows His Power to Heal, FSM 208) and actually really studied it. I think after reading it I concluded that I didn't have that much faith or trust, though it really was very encouraging and strengthening personally to re-read it. I also thought that perhaps faith for that type of healing, or faith for really big miracles, was more for leaders. I am nothing, just a little secretary, and not a very dynamic person as far as having lots of faith, so I concluded that it was highly unlikely that the Lord would even expect that type of trust from me.
However in retrospect, I can see the Lord is able to do miracles no matter who we are, or what we do. It's really not dependent on whether or not we're this or that, or have great faith. In my situation, though it wasn't exactly a miraculous healing in that I had an operation, I truly believe that it was an example of the Lord's miraculous protection. And the thing that stood out to me was that it wasn't my trust and faith. I was just led along by the Lord. It was all His faith and His trust and His power.
I think my lesson is that if He can take my life and do that, then surely I can just have that same teensy trust in Him for every other facet of my life.
My prayer is that at any time I am tempted to doubt what the Lord is doing in my life or the lives of others, I'll be able to reflect back on what the Lord did in this life-threatening situation, and how He showed me what trust is—how simple it is, how it is nothing really of ourselves, and that I'll trust Him for everything. I really learned that trust and faith aren't something that you work up or muster up, but it's just letting the Lord carry you through whatever He wants. Maybe this is too simplistic, but I started to realize that trust is just letting the Lord carry you, and knowing that the Lord is carrying you gives you faith. At least that's how it worked for me. I love you!
Love, Marie
From Marie (of Michael, Sri Lankan) India:
Marie writes about having breast cancer and all that the Lord did through this affliction. Here's an excerpt of her testimony from the Prayer List, where she was on the critical list: Many miracles have happened with my sickness. I had a good surgeon to do my mastectomy. He did a very neat job with no complications. I had minimal side-effects, no sores in my mouth, no diarrhea. My hair did fall out but it's growing back now very rapidly. Everyone comments that I look like Demi Moore. Ha! Thank the Lord. I'm so glad that I'm in the Family at this time and for the background of faith and all of the support of the brethren and shepherds. Thank You Jesus!
Here's her testimony, an update, written after she finished the course of treatment.
First, I'll give credit where credit is due and that is to the Lord, my King, my precious One and Savior, for without Him, the Word, the prophecies, and the Loving Jesus revelation I wouldn't have gone through this sickness as well as I did. Also my shepherds were very sweet. Anna used to ask me every morning how I was doing. I would usually reply, Okay, fine, the usual answer. But she could sense my ups and downs and straight away would offer a prayer of encouragement for me, God bless her. Also Hannah took care of all my physical needs, hospital appointments, payments, bills, doctors, and medicines, a true and caring shepherdess. My husband took care of all my other physical needs—a big job, as I felt like a baby sometimes, not being able to care for myself. Also I'm so thankful for all the other brethren who prayed for me, gave prophecies, and loved me in the Spirit. God bless you all! I've been loved beyond my expectations. Thank you!
Before my sickness I was very distant from the Lord. I taught our MC/OC group, but I was just doing my duty as a teacher. The umph was missing; the spirit and fervency were not there. I was doing things by the letter of the law rather than the Spirit of the Lord. Lord help me. Well, being down in bed and out of action for quite some months really humbled me. I learned patience for others and for myself, as I have quite a strong personality.
I always felt the poor-me, nobody-loves-me syndrome. Ha! Well, the Lord proved to me that He does loves me, and others do too. I got a mountain of prophecies to prove it.
The Home also grew through my sickness, with more love, care and concern for one another, more prayer and prophecies. It was all a blessing in disguise. I am happy that the Lord is teaching and growing me up from this sickness.
It started in October, 1997. My breast was quite big when I first went to see a doctor. The Lord led us to a very sweet doctor who is one of the world's top surgeons. I was at the hospital for two days and I had a few tests done which were not conclusive, so I then had a biopsy done. The results were positive that I had cancer. My breast being so big, I started to get fevers. At this time the Home started to give me the afternoon off. They also got beautiful prophecies for me and here is one of them:
(Jesus speaking:) Fear thou not, for I am with thee. Behold, all good things come from your Father above. And although this may not look good to you, believe Me. Trust Me. Know that I know what is best. I love you with an everlasting love.
For this is a part of My great plan. Just relax and enjoy this time you have with Me. For the times are changing and this is a lull that I have given you to be with Me, to enjoy My love, to enjoy My presence, to know that I care for you, to know that you are very precious in My sight. For there is no other way for you to know that than to spend time with Me.
I have always loved you and this is My special time to be with you, to comfort you, to encourage you, to strengthen you. So therefore relax and know that I am in control. (End of excerpts of prophecy.)
However, I was definitely in shock. I felt mad at myself for not going to the doctor sooner. I felt abandoned by God and discouraged about life. I felt sorry for myself, like nobody would want me around anymore because I could not be physically active nor contribute to the Home anymore. I had to fight very hard not to ask Why me? and to rebuke any negative thoughts. I clung to the Word desperately.
Here are excerpts of another prophecy I received which helped me during this time:
(Jesus speaking:) Trust in the Lord with all thine heart. I will deliver; don't worry! I am with you, holding your hand, whispering to you, loving you. You have so much to give to others. Give of your love. Others learn through your sickness. They learn love and compassion, so don't worry—everybody is learning, not just you. It takes humility to be sick, to be dependent on others. Just relax; let time do the work. (End of excerpts of prophecy.)
At this point I was home the whole time praying and waiting for the next step. The Home got more prophecies for me. They were so sweet. I got prayers and flowers every second day, cards from the kids and the Home, yummy things to eat. I felt loved by everyone; it was such a blessing. Every day I would get a short prophecy from Jesus to encourage me. Oh, how I clung to those, like my life depended on it! Songs were also a help for me, like Onward Christian Soldiers, and the tape When You Need Him Most.
The doctor then informed me that I had to take strong chemotherapy shots to bring the tumor in my breast down so that he could operate and remove the breast and the lymph nodes. I tossed and turned all through that night, after I was told this, thinking about the chemo and my hair falling out, etc. Anyway, I had to pray to see if it was His will for me to take the shots. The Lord is the only One in control and He knew exactly what I needed to do. Here's what He said:
I am the Lord of all things. I made Heaven and Earth, even you. I have you in My arms. You will not get lost. You will stay close to Me. Do not worry about this chemo. It is but a small thing. I will give you the strength to bear it. It is a hard path, I know. I know you are worried. Think Heavenly thoughts, Heavenly pictures, angels, beautiful views and people.
It is good to be afflicted so that many can be touched by the feeling of your infirmities. I love you. Do not despair; do not look at the waves. Look up, look Heavenward, look into My eyes. I am there, very close. (End of prophecy.)
The Lord never failed to encourage me with little deeds of kindness from others in the Home or with His Own Words. What I would read would encourage me, or a prophecy would come just when I needed it.
My prayer at that time was that my white cells would go marching on to multiply and grow to be militant in the attack on the cancer cells. I really prayed for a victory of the white cells, and I got the verse, With God nothing is impossible. The Home prayed again and following are parts of the prophecy they got:
(Jesus speaking:) Though I may take you through a stormy and dark path, it is all to teach you and to strengthen you, to mature you, to grow you up, to prepare you in many ways for the days ahead. For this is a time of maturing; this is a time of deepening for each one of you. For I am as a Father who guides and directs in love. This is for each one of you. For I love My precious Marie. It is beyond your understanding how much I love her, for she has been faithful and she has been true to Me for many, many years. She has resisted many attacks of the Enemy. She has been a strong pillar in My temple and has helped many come to My light. Therefore pray for this one. Uphold her in your prayers, for your prayers can do mighty things and can change the course of history. (End of excerpts of message.)
The CRO office also sent prophecies, as did the two other service Homes in India, God bless them. As the date of my first chemo shot arrived, I felt very impatient because I wanted it to be over and done with. There was one quote which really pulled me through this time and still pulls me through whenever I go through it: No matter how great your trial may be, no matter how difficult your difficulty may be, no matter how bad it may be, if you just have faith to trust God to bring you out of the difficulty, you'll rejoice and praise Him and thank Him, even for the trial, because you know He is able to save and deliver you. And He will. Praise the Lord! (ML #2672:81).
With the chemo shot done (which only took one hour), I was back at home to recuperate. I was then off the Home schedule completely as the shots made me very sick. I had a problem with my arm hurting, and with burping all the time. I had to eat every two hours and was only able to sip my drinks. That was the hardest, because I was super thirsty. As time went by, I was able to give the kids devotions a few times. With each chemo shot I took, I felt very weak for the first four days, and then would get a bit better for the next two weeks until the next shot.
I also started losing my hair, and I think that was my greatest trial. My hair came out by the handfulls. It was a dreadful time. I would show the younger kids that my hair was coming off, because otherwise they would wonder why I didn't have hair anymore. God bless the children. They understood because they saw it, and it was not such a big deal to them. I wore a ski cap for the next three months after that.
After my shots it was hard for me, but people around me were so concerned. I had a hard time swallowing pills, but I had to take them to help me drink water or be able to eat anything. I threw up a lot in the four days following each of the chemo shots. I had no other side-effects and was fine the rest of the time, though I had to make a conscious effort to drink a lot.
Keeping positive was tough. I thought about all kinds of ungodly things. Thank the Lord my prophecy time with Jesus every day really helped me fight the Enemy.
Then our Home got super busy with the Heart to Heart show group and the concert prep. I got busy praying for funds for the programs, and the funds came in! A miracle in itself!
After three chemo shots I was ready for surgery. The swelling in my breast had gone down to half of what it used to be, thank the Lord! We had prayer and prophecy, and our sweet CRO shepherd Cephas was with me every day while he was here during the concerts, offering his prayers for me. Even at the hospital before the operation there were people praying for me. I am blessed with a wonderful Family.
After the operation, it was a very emotional time for me. I would break down and cry at times. My arm was hurting from all the injections, but I was able to eat well and didn't lose any weight the whole time. What sustained me is the prayer and prophecy I got every day.
One week after my operation I was out of the hospital and started my second dose of chemotherapy about three weeks later. These were a little easier for me to take as it was a lesser dose.
My parents are French but live in Australia, and they visited us. They were very concerned about me and at first they wanted to perhaps take me back to Australia with them. They were happy to meet everyone in the Home. We found a nice place for them to stay, which was another miracle, as it was just across from our apartment. I was able to move in with them, while at the same time be in the Home, as it was just one step away. Thank You Jesus!
My parents were happy to be around me. They loved the Family and the concern that everyone has for me—the support morally and physically. Everyone in the Family interacted with them so lovingly. They had a super time, their first time in India, visiting all the sightseeing places, and it was a miracle how I was in very good shape and was able to go everywhere with them. My mother came with me to the hospital and saw me through three chemo sessions. God bless her. She was very happy about the cleanliness of the hospital and the care of the doctors and nurses. Overall she was satisfied with the environment and the care I was getting.
The Home also did everything possible to make them feel welcome—dinner, cakes, cards, and lots of little deeds of kindness all along the way. My parents had a very nice time and my mum was crying at the airport saying goodbye.
Soon after my parents left, my hair started to grow back, which was exciting for me. I was doing so much walking and wanting to put on a cheerful face while my parents were here that I remember thinking one day, Do or die, sink or swim, I'm going to do my best and do something—not think so much about me and my problems. So I guess that was a turning point in my life. It made me feel alive, full of expectancy for the future, and I wanted to live for the Lord.
I got back on the schedule for half a day at this time, because I really wanted to. My chemo dosage was less than previously, and I was able to function pretty normally—only the first two days after the chemo shot was I pretty groggy and spacy. By this time, it had been five months that I hadn't been on the schedule, and I wanted to contribute and help with the teaching of the OCs again. I just had to take a rest in the afternoon. At present I'm fine and in good health. My weight is normal, my hair is growing, and I have no side-effects from the drugs.
I want to ask for continued prayer for the rest of my healing. I love you, all my dear Family around the world. Thank you to everyone, young and old, that sent loving words, prayers and sweet notes. I treasure each one. Thank you so much for your love. And thank you, Mama and Peter, for always pointing us to the Lord. The spiritual has become more real to me.
Much love, your servant Marie
P.S. Here's one last prophecy from Jesus, which was for me and Glory, a sweet sister in South America who also has cancer.
My young one, My heart, My life, My eyes, My body, you are everything to Me. I need you like you need Me. Don't give up, don't give in, I am always with you. I love you and I love our sweet communion. You and Glory are precious to Me like precious stones cut to My commandments, cut for Me to enjoy. You are precious in My sight. Keep up the good fight. It won't be long now till I return and love you in person. I will heal you of your wounds. Don't worry! I have heard your desperate cries. Every night you cry unto Me and every night I send angels to minister to you. Don't cry. I am here close by, loving you and tenderly nursing you. I love you!—Jesus. (End of message.)
Update (written three months after the last chemo shot).
The Lord has done great things for me, wherefore I am glad. I just had a test done to see if everything was okay, and I am fine. Spiritually I am still a little tense and apprehensive about the future—I still have a few bouts of fear. But prophecy time with Jesus is the answer. It's a must for me and it certainly clears the clouds away.
I have been out witnessing with the children, and pretty much live on a normal schedule. I do feel tired sometimes and have to go to bed early. My hair used to be all gray as I am over 40 years old. After chemo it grew back all white, but now little black hairs are appearing. It's about 3 cm long now. Thank You Jesus! I have experienced God's hand ever so closely. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers.
Love and prayers, Marie
From Meekness, Taiwan
Before I had the big operation for my stomach cancer a year and a half ago, I was really praying, claiming the Lord's promises, and hoping that He could just heal me supernaturally, miraculously, without having me go through an operation. Not only did I want to receive such healing, but also I thought that it would be a powerful testimony for all the doctors and everybody in the hospital. Even after we prayed and the Lord showed us that I was to go ahead and accept the operation, I was still hoping that He would rather just heal me without it. I was even demanding that that was what He ought to do if He was my beloved Husband Who loved me so much.
So the operation day came and when I found myself on the operating table, I did feel a little disappointed. But the Lord's way is certainly not our way. He had done a miracle and the doctors were happily surprised with how He had protected me, and that they were able to remove all the cancer-affected parts of my organs. It had not affected my lymph nodes either. It was indeed such a miracle to the doctors that one of them even confessed that it made him believe in God!
If He healed me in such a supernatural way without an operation, it would have probably fed my spiritual pride, thinking that I had such great faith for healing. He does all things well and is so good to us!
From Meekness, Taiwan
Before I had the big operation for my stomach cancer a year and a half ago, I was really praying, claiming the Lord's promises, and hoping that He could just heal me supernaturally, miraculously, without having me go through an operation. Not only did I want to receive such healing, but also I thought that it would be a powerful testimony for all the doctors and everybody in the hospital. Even after we prayed and the Lord showed us that I was to go ahead and accept the operation, I was still hoping that He would rather just heal me without it. I was even demanding that that was what He ought to do if He was my beloved Husband Who loved me so much.
So the operation day came and when I found myself on the operating table, I did feel a little disappointed. But the Lord's way is certainly not our way. He had done a miracle and the doctors were happily surprised with how He had protected me, and that they were able to remove all the cancer-affected parts of my organs. It had not affected my lymph nodes either. It was indeed such a miracle to the doctors that one of them even confessed that it made him believe in God!
If He healed me in such a supernatural way without an operation, it would have probably fed my spiritual pride, thinking that I had such great faith for healing. He does all things well and is so good to us!
From Marie (of Byron), Indonesia:
Dearest Mama and Peter,
I wanted to share a testimony of the Lord's healing. The Word you sent us was the key.—The GN that came out with more about the importance of hearing from the Lord (Quiet Time—Your Lifesaver! ML #3183, GN 788). But I didn't really get the point until the Lord let me be afflicted with my right hand and arm all of a sudden being painful for a few days, even though I couldn't remember having done anything to hurt them. A thought came to me that maybe it was arthritis, as I'm getting older. But something in my heart made me not accept that, as that alone is too natural an explanation.
I felt that whatever the physical cause, He could heal me if He wanted to, and there must be a spiritual lesson the Lord was trying to speak to me about. I realized that in His mercy He was even making it obvious for me to see what He was trying to say. I couldn't even do my work without my right hand and right arm, as I do a lot of typing and computer work, and it had become painful to even type.
With my sore hand and arm it was painful for me to do the most simple things that I'm used to doing every day without even a thought, let alone a prayer. I couldn't easily brush my teeth or my hair, or lift things, etc., without it hurting. And anyone who is right-handed can try to use their left hand to do these things as I did, and see how difficult it is to do! It was also at a time when both my teamworkers were traveling, and I had even more to do and keep up with.
I knew the Lord was showing me how many things I do just naturally without even thinking, let alone asking Him first if that's what I should be doing and when and how. As I prayed and asked the Lord to show me the lessons He wanted me to learn, He showed me that He wanted me to acknowledge Him and ask Him before doing anything. I had thought that I read quite a bit of Word, prayed a lot throughout the day over what I'm working on, and I heard from the Lord daily and sometimes during the day. So I wasn't so desperate to see what the Lord had for me in this mailing until I was afflicted—I went astray, but now have I kept Thy Word!
I asked for prayer and anointing of oil and shared my lessons with the Home during communion, about what I felt the Lord was trying to show me. Since my hand and arm were painful for a week, it was constantly in my thoughts. Whenever I needed to do anything I prayed, Is this what You want me to do, Lord? Or should I be doing something else? I want to be open to Your voice, Lord, and not to my own desires or will or what comes naturally.
During this time the Lord showed me just how much I have actually been doing without acknowledging Him. I have many papers and messages that come my way, and I just don't constantly ask Him what I should do, but rather I would tend to do just what comes naturally. And there have been a couple of times that I haven't done the most prayerful thing. I haven't gone slow enough and taken enough time and prayer to be sure I handled things right. I've made a couple mistakes that could have been prevented by going slower, taking a bit more time, and being more prayerful.
That's when Mama's Letter finally really spoke to me, because the Lord had me desperate! You've been letting the Lord work through you—some to a greater or lesser degree than others—but it's time to let the Lord take full control...of everything!—Every little decision. There's nothing that's too small or too unimportant to ask the Lord about. ... It's time to follow the Lord's leading for every detail of your lives and work. ... Because of human nature it's easy to just make the small decisions without counseling with the Lord. Now He's requiring a greater dependence on Him, a greater measure of yieldedness. Operating in the arm of the flesh is when you are driven by your own spirit rather than allowing Me to take command (ML# 3183:8,9,11,13,17,26; GN 788).
He showed me that here were a lot of things I was doing without asking Him, such as reading the newspaper, deciding what message to work on, when to take get-out, when to talk with someone, when to rest, etc. etc. So my sore arm reminded me to ask Him if it's okay before I do anything. That takes a lot more yieldedness on my part and slowing down a little to hear from Him more!
But I haven't lost any time by it. He more than makes it up in the right things getting done at the right time! I read that it takes six weeks to establish a new habit. But maybe because of my desperation to be able to do my work and learn my lesson, the Lord was able to teach me in just one week that He meant business. So now He has helped me be able to seek Him before I do anything, to ask if it's okay with Him, or if there is something else He wants me to do. And thank the Lord, after one week my hand and arm are healed! There's just the slightest remnant of them feeling slightly weak, just enough to continue to remind me until my habit is well-ingrained!
I wanted to share excerpts from the prophecies the Lord gave me after a few days of praying and reading Word on healing, and asking Him what He was trying to show me:
It is precious in My sight that you humble yourself to ask for prayer and share your lessons. This is one of the conditions of your healing, that you confess your sins and ask for prayer. In doing so it encourages others to do the same, just as Mama's blindness [her virtual loss of sight due to having to keep her eyes closed] has encouraged you not to be condemned for your own weaknesses. For in weakness, in confessing your lack and your need, is your strength. I would that you ask Me before doing anything and everything. For there is good, but there is best, so don't rest till you make your good My best!
The beginning of a matter may seem small, but can make the difference of whether you are going in the right direction or not. And it can determine if you get the most important things done or not. For there is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof is evil, or at least missing the mark, which is a sin.
So do not be foolish and look lightly at the power which I have given you to affect people's lives. And look to Me in every decision, or you will be as a hand and arm operating without its head, without its heart, and, as you see in the world today, that can cause great destruction. The heart of love and head of wisdom must direct the hand and arm in the right and loving direction, and in the most needy direction, lest it miss the mark.
It is not your hand that saves you, it is My hand! Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit! (End of excerpts of prophecies.)
PTL! So thank you again, dearest Mama and Peter, for your faithfulness in passing His Words on to us and being His faithful mouthpieces. Thank you for helping me to walk more in the fear of the Lord, so I'll be prepared in these Last Days to hear His small voice more and more, and so that I can be a more useful and yielded vessel! ILY! And thank you for all of His sweet honey Words you give us!—Including the correction!
Much love and prayers and appreciation, Marie (of Byron)
From Crystal Rainbow, Bangalore, India
My uncle was quite antagonistic towards the Family a decade ago. He used to be a high-ranking judge in the courts here, and now, though retired, he is still active in an official capacity as well as working as a consultant for people in high positions.
In March 1995 he got a severe case of hiccups, which lasted a little over a week. Initially he tried all types of medications available. He also tried homeopathy, along with every other suggestion, like holding your breath, drinking water, having your head lower than your body, etc. When I met with him he was quite desperate, having tried everything but failing to find a cure or way to make them stop. He had lost a lot of weight, since he couldn't eat properly, nor had he slept for many days.
When I suggested united prayer, he was desperate enough to try even that. A couple of us went to his house to pray over him, anointing him with oil. The Lord healed him the same evening, after we left. When I saw him a couple of days later at a get-together, he called me aside and acknowledged that the Lord had indeed healed him.
But later his family sowed seeds of doubt and tried to rationalize that he was healed due to the three-day course of homeopathic medicine which he had finished taking a day before we prayed. I let it be, but the Lord didn't.
About four or five months later, he got another attack of hiccups. By the time I heard about it, he'd already been suffering from it for seven days. The first three days, he had taken the three-day course of medication that his family had attributed his healing to earlier. So when he was no better four days later, he was really frustrated. When he met me, he immediately asked for united prayer right in front of his father (my grandfather), who was also antagonistic. My father was there also, and told me not to make a fool of myself and insult him as well.
As it worked out, by the time we got together again for prayer it had been another three days. There was James, Christy (12), Timmy (14), and myself. This time, before we sat down to pray my uncle sent all the other members of his family out of the room and closed the doors. Then we laid hands on him and prayed, anointing him with oil. Even as we were praying, the hiccups stopped completely.
My uncle had tears in his eyes when he opened them. He started addressing Christy and said, See child, it has stopped. God has done a miracle. I am now completely healed. We were all so excited at the miracle and really touched that he had acknowledged the Lord. Later he even said that it was because of Jesus he had reached a high position in his life. He had an old friend, a priest in his native village, who he knew had kept praying for him faithfully and also informed him about the prayers. My uncle said those prayers got him where he is today. Isn't that inspiring?
From David and Promise, Costa Rica:
We had found some lumps on our nine-year-old son Caleb's head and neck. He was weak and losing weight, so we took him to be checked. The doctors found that his white blood cell count was extremely high and there were many indications he possibly had leukemia. They recommended further tests the following week with a child specialist.
We were devastated. Needless to say, our world fell apart, and we did some deep soul-searching. The first question was why? Next, what had we done? We finally came to the realization that this is God's child, and He has a plan for his life. ...
At first I (Promise) battled personally with what I needed to change for God to do a miracle and heal Caleb. But I couldn't be perfect, work it up, pray it down, or become holy enough. God help me! Then I asked for His healing, but above all, for God's will to be done. An indescribable peace then swept through my soul—unlike anything I'd experienced before. An acceptance of God's will brought this peace.
We had desperate prayer for healing and the Lord gave me verses that He would grow up our child to an old age, healthy and fat (he's so skinny!). So I had this promise of healing to hang on to. The following week the specialist took tests and concluded Caleb has only a case of slight anemia. No indications of leukemia. We can't thank the Lord enough.
From Ruth (18), Thailand:
When my daughter Danae was born, she had a big lump on her head which the pediatrician thought was quite serious. However, after everyone prayed desperately, the lump seemed to go down a lot. But the bones in her head hadn't totally grown together and there was still obviously something wrong.
We took her to another hospital to have her condition diagnosed. There the doctors seemed quite certain she had hydrocephalus1 and wanted to operate on her. They wanted us to do a CAT scan of her brain first, just to make sure.
The Home here, as well as a few other places, got prophecies for her which said she would be healed. Everyone was praying for her, and sure enough, when we got back the diagnosis from the CAT scan, the Lord had done a miracle. There was no evidence of hydrocephalus or any brain abnormalities. Thank the Lord!
From Daniel, Beloved, and Trusty, USA:
Jeff (5) had a fall down the eight carpeted steps of our split-level house, and then had four seizures within four hours. We were quite desperate and phoned the ABM and friends for prayer. At the hospital, they checked him briefly and released him, but as we were leaving, he had another seizure in the waiting room. He was readmitted and had a CAT scan and EEG done, but before the results came in, we received a prophecy sent to us by David in Dallas. The prophecy said that something was shaken loose, but not to worry, that it was only temporary and it would heal.
Five minutes later, the neurologist came in with the opposite diagnosis, but within 24 hours, he had to admit his error and acknowledged that what we had told him was right.
From Rejoice (of John Morning), Thailand:
We wanted to thank everybody for their prayers for Gabey during his time with meningitis (see PL 53:8 and 54:2). The Lord truly did great things for us. About one month after he was released from the hospital (where he was for a month) we took him back for a checkup. The doctor was marveling at how well he was doing, but she did caution us that deafness was still possible up until about four or five months after the sickness.
At this time we sent out a prayer request against possible deafness, and in our Home's devotions every day we prayed for his hearing.
Hearing about the possibility of deafness after several months of having to wait for so long to see how he was coming through was quite a trial and test for me. I felt that I couldn't possibly be desperate enough for something like this. But the Lord told me to not worry about it, and that while I should pray for my own son, He wanted me to pray for some of the other children on the critical life-and-death section of the Prayer Lists—little David, little Jonathan, as well as the adults on the list—and not to worry so much about my own son.
So whenever I was tempted to worry about Gabey, I would pray desperately for everyone on the critical life-and-death list. The Letter When You Pray, Things Happen (ML #3173, GN 778) came out while we were in the hospital with Gabey. We also received so many notes from friends and loved ones telling us how much they were praying for Gabey and how deeply moved they were hearing about his sickness. All of this made me realize how much I lack the spirit of prayer in my own life and of allowing myself to be moved for others.
As always, the Lord never fails and Gabey is now in the clear. He went back to the doctor and they found nothing wrong with him. It was a beautiful experience for me—to see how if I was faithful to pray for others, then the Lord without fail would care for my own.
From John Dutch and Rose, India:
Dear Family, we cannot thank you enough for your prayers. (See PLs 52:25, 54:15, 56:6.) Just before coming to India, Rose had a checkup which showed she had pre-cancerous cells on her cervix, CIN count 3—requires immediate action. (The recommendation was further examinations, coloscopy, and laser treatment.)
God bless Rose—she came to India anyway with the children, and we put out a desperate prayer request. Three months later, Rose had a checkup here in India. The result was the same count—3. Then the prayer request came out! At the next three-month checkup, the count was between 3 and 2. And now we've received the last test results that showed no pre-cancerous condition, and she is PG with number 11. Your prayers have worked a miracle for a very happy and thankful Rose!
(Rose:) I wanted to say a special thank you to Mama for the mag on healing (How-to's of Healing, ML #3153, Lifelines 24). It covers the different aspects of it so well, and helps counterbalance all the thoughts that come immediately when you receive news about something serious medically. The mag came out while I was still in England preparing for our flight to Calcutta with the children. John went on ahead to look for housing and set up for us. I had just received news of having an advanced pre-cancerous condition. The nurse advised immediate laser treatment, which they say is 100% effective, has no side effects, and does not affect fertility, etc.
I had a lot of trials and shock, as I was also affected by my father having suffered from cancer. He was very brave, loved the Lord, and has now passed on. John has always been a big encouragement to me to trust the Lord. The Lord gave me a prophecy about going slow, saying that He takes care of every infinitesimal detail of the universe, and He would take care of me. So I did have checkups here in India, and it became a little easier to trust the Lord and not worry so much that it would quickly turn into cancer.
I am not very brave, and do not consider I have faith for healing. But I did want to trust the Lord—He told me to take baby steps.
Now it is a real miracle that my cervix is healed, and it's all the Lord! We asked that there would be a major or total improvement by this month's checkup, not because I deserve it, but as a testimony of the Lord's love, mercy and power. Also, He has seen fit to bless us with another baby. It must be a special one at such a time. John is very thankful, and it's my 11th, so I feel so much in the Lord's hands. He must need me to be a vessel for His love gifts.
Thank you for the prayer lists, and having the Family pray. When you need prayer, you appreciate it so much. Prayer vigils mean a lot more now.
Love, Rose (of John Dutch)
From Byron and Susie, U.S.A.:
(Susie:) Byron had a severe gallbladder infection. Doctors diagnosed him as having multiple gallstones.
(Byron:) I had been going and going and going week after week, including weekends without stopping. I was eating irregularly, and it wasn't healthful food. I wasn't spending time with my family. So I believe the Lord had to knock me flat on my back. All I could do was pray (besides hyperventilate). The Lord told me He was sad and jealous that I had all but pushed Him out of my life. I was also doing most everything in my own strength. After the attack, I had no strength for days. It was a painful but precious lesson I will never forget.
Another victory that came of this episode was that for the past four years, the Lord has been telling me to change my diet and eat more healthful food. I have tried but was never able to keep it up. Now I can't eat fatty food or junk foods or else I will have a relapse of the gallbladder infection.
(Susie:) The doctors wanted to surgically remove the gallbladder, but Byron chose to trust the Lord and is recovering well.
From Phoenix, Japan:
Below are updates which Lydia (Mrs. N.) wrote to all the Homes in Japan, to thank everyone for their prayers [against her cancer]. She has stopped the radiation treatment completely, and seems to be doing much better physically, since she feels very well. It seems to me she is stronger as time goes on. It's really a miracle.
Also, it's quite amazing to see how she uses her sickness to witness to all kinds of people. When she was in the hospital she witnessed to a lot of patients—so much so that the hospital stopped her from doing it.
Around Christmastime, all the ex-delinquent girls—whom Lydia used to take care of before meeting the Family—came to visit her. It was such a reward for Lydia to see them, since all these girls are grown up now and have their own families. They all said that the time that they spent with Lydia and Johane was the most wonderful time in their lives.
Johane and Lydia put together a simple Christmas dinner at their house even though she was still feeling very weak, inviting about 20 close friends and catacombers, and again she really testified of the Lord's help and her thankfulness for having this affliction. Everyone was very touched to see someone who is afflicted with cancer being so positive about it. Also, she witnessed to their new landlady, again using this sickness, and she got wonderfully saved.
It's very very wonderful to see how she and Johane live, and I'm amazed as well as being convicted. I wonder if I was afflicted with cancer if I would be as bold and positive as she is.
(December 2nd:) My uterine cancer was found to be in a very advanced stage and therefore already in quite serious condition. But the Lord in His mercy not only spared me from all the trials and battles that could have been caused by it, but helped me to rather take it with gratitude. ... I'm reveling in the kind of happiness that only the Lord could give, that I could otherwise not be able to experience.
I am closer to the Lord, being able to witness more since people are more receptive to sick people, being able to live today as if this were the only day I have, and listening to, obeying and yielding to the Lord more, etc., etc.!
The Lord stops the operation
While I was hospitalized in the Cancer Center and was thoroughly checked over a two-week period, they found more and more complications and therefore cancelled the operation. Not being able to be operated on should sound quite hopeless, but it's obvious to me that it was the Lord Who stopped the operation this way, so I'm very thankful. Since I also have a bad heart, I felt that maybe I would go to be with the Lord during the operation, so I just yielded to the Lord for whichever way He was leading me.
Now I'm in another hospital for radiotherapy. I would rather rest at home, as I know the Lord is the only One Who can heal me, but since most people (especially the Japanese) would not understand healing by faith but rather stumble over it, and also considering Johane's position, I was advised to stay in the hospital and take the treatment. The radiation might burn up the cancer, but also damage nearby organs, especially the large intestines, and people suffer greatly from it. It might also cause the bladder to stop functioning. But the Lord promised, I'm a specialist in light! I will make that [radiation] beam into My healing light! Hallelujah!
Golden wedding anniversary for the goal
I received a vision, prayed specifically, and presented a request to the Lord that I would live until our golden wedding anniversary, which would be April 25th of the year 2000. I believe that the Lord will do a miracle and keep me healthy and use me as His tool until then.
It was actually Johane who received this vision and suggested it to me, but I thought he just didn't understand that I would not live that long. Lord help me for my unbelief. This morning I, too, received the vision clearly. The Lord is a God of miracles; nothing is impossible to Him. The Lord told us two before to become a sample of the love of a mature couple, so please pray that we can be that sample.
Radiotherapy begins
The radiation therapy will start December 3rd, which is tomorrow. Since my very first check-up on September 10th, it's been three months already without any medical treatment ... and the cancer is now smaller than when first diagnosed—from 6 cm. diameter down to 4 cm.! So the original plan of 45 radiation treatments was changed to 35 instead. My heart condition has also improved! Thank You Jesus!
Escape from the hospital
(December 22nd:) I became quite weakened after only four radiation treatments. My heart was getting so weak that I had a check that my body wouldn't be able to take it any longer, so I prayed and received to drop the treatment. Just then I heard the song, The fight is on, O Christian soldier, and face to face in stern array I got up, as I was encouraged by this song, gathered my courage, and went to ask the doctor. He thought I was just afraid of the treatment, and didn't pay any attention to me.
But I kept hearing the song. So I wrote a letter to the head of the hospital. It was as if I was declaring war on the hospital. The doctors got together and discussed it, and Johane was called in. They tried to persuade us and explained that they wouldn't be responsible for what happens if I don't continue the treatment. A patient in a hospital can be just like a captive in the Enemy's territory.
Anyway, praise the Lord! The Lord spoke to me clearly around 3 a.m., saying, Take only one radiation treatment a week. Leave the discharge matter to them. It was like the mountain before me melted away in a split second, and things started rolling. The wish to stay at peace with the hospital was granted, and the doctor in charge told me that I could leave the hospital! Hallelujah!
Now I am having a happy time surrounded by love in a nice home, and I only have to visit the hospital once a week! Praise the Lord! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PRAYING FOR ME!
Prayer requests
(December 27th:) My intestines have been very weakened from two radiation treatments and I have bad diarrhea and a resultant loss of appetite, but thank the Lord, my heart has been OK. Hopefully I may be able to regain strength during the hospital's New Year holidays. There have been attacks in my throat, and I have a hard time talking, and sometimes I can't talk at all. Please continue to remember me in your prayers. Thank you so very much!!
Answers to prayer
(January 7th:) Since I asked for prayer against bad diarrhea caused by the radiation treatment at the end of the year, a miracle happened that you can indeed call an answer to our prayers. I recovered quite a bit, to the point that I have an appetite and can even carry on normal daily life at a slow pace, as if I'd never been sick!
Please continue to include me in your prayers and pray for my heart and throat, as I'm not completely healed from cancer. Could you particularly pray that I could be a blessing to the sheep who are also suffering through similar experiences?
With lots of love and appreciation,
Lydia