July 17, 2003
FSM 309 DO
—For senior teens (16 years old) and up only!
Copyright © 1997 by The Family — April 1997
(Note: Some of the following reactions were written quite a while ago. We were not able to have these dear ones update their reactions for this FSM, so please bear in mind when they mention the different ways they're struggling or that they "haven't tried such and such yet," that they most likely have continued to grow in these areas, since the time they wrote these reactions.)
— From an adult man
Dear Mama and Peter,
I really love you! Every time I read the beautiful prophecies that the Lord is pouring forth through you, I marvel at this wonderful gift the Lord has given you. Somewhere in the MO Letters, I remember Dad prophesied that you would write more than he, which seemed to be almost unbelievable, seeing the quantity Dad had written. But now with the Lord pouring out His Word in such volume via prophecy, it's easy to see how, given a few more years, you could easily overtake Dad in the volume you will have published!
It took me a while to develop an appetite to read prophecy, but since the "Loving Jesus" revelation, I find myself hungry to study and absorb every word and to immerse myself in these beautiful Words without any part of my mind lagging back and questioning whether this is really Jesus or Dad speaking! It's so exciting to feel our precious Jesus in direct control of the Family, a fulfillment of what Dad prophesied in "When I'm Gone!", that when he died, Jesus would lead and guide you directly. Thank you for being such open channels, so that Jesus and Dad can have full sway.
Shortly after reading the "Loving Jesus" series I had an opportunity to have a date with a woman who I don't know so well. I was curious to see how it would work with a partner, having a "threesome" with the Lord. There wasn't an unusually strong physical attraction, but it was a sweet situation. We both confessed we were somewhat nervous as normally we don't say that many words during lovemaking, especially with someone we don't know that well. As we prayed together, the Lord gave us the verse, "Where two or three are gathered together in My Name, there am I in the midst of the them" (Mat.18:20). It was evident that the Lord was present and eager to be included! We first primed the pump by reading erotic parts from the "Song of Solomon," and then started to make love.
At first we just kissed and caressed each other, and we were both pretty silent, as it seemed a little awkward for us to include the Lord. Then when I tried to imagine the Lord being there and loving me through her, I found it very difficult to play both the male and female role at the same time. In fact, I found it impossible to imagine that she was Jesus, when I could feel her bosoms, the feminine shape of her body, etc. So I quit trying and instead just concentrated on playing the male role in the physical, and I asked the Lord to love her through me so that I could "be Jesus" for her.
This is where things began to take off spiritually, and I started to whisper in her ear things that I felt the Lord was telling me to tell her: how much He loves and appreciates her, and how thankful He is for her, etc. This worked well and she came quickly, praising the Lord.
Then it was my turn. (We brought each other to orgasm by hand, one at a time, because she had a minor affliction at the time.) Again, I tried to imagine that I was a female in the spirit and that it was Jesus kissing me, and that I had a "pussy" and not a "dong," but I had little success as I was so conscious of her jacking me off. I almost gave up, thinking that maybe this was something that would only work for me when with the Lord in private. However, I then remembered, Mama, how you said that even if we don't feel or see anything, we should still say sexy, desirous things to the Lord anyway, just because He has asked us to and because it pleases Him.
So I started to do that by faith, at first a little quietly with a sense of embarrassment. But my partner sweetly "amened" me and I could tell she was encouraging me and supporting me in my efforts. Then suddenly, as I approached the final buildup 30 seconds or so before orgasm, what I thought was impossible happened! The bed we were on transformed into a beautiful, soft, silken one in Jesus' bedchamber. Suddenly, I felt that it was Jesus kissing me, and I lost all consciousness of my male body, my penis, or anything in this world. I could feel Jesus wildly loving my female spirit body, and I wanted nothing more than for Him to satisfy Himself in me. As I realized the awesomeness that this was not something that was imaginary, but that Jesus was really making love to me, I cried out, "Oh, Jesus, please fuck me!" and at that moment He and I both came together — His sparkling, golden, life-giving seeds shooting way up deep inside me, up into my heart and mind and throughout my whole body.
After that my partner and I couldn't stop laughing! I don't know why we thought it was funny, but it was like a mixture of joy, relief, ecstasy, embarrassment, and seeing the humor in the situation all at the same time! Wow! What a fuck! What an experience! Talk about enhancement — including the Lord in this way turned what would probably have been a normal date into an unforgettable experience that I think I will look back on as being as much of a milestone as the first time I made love, or the first time I shared with another woman besides my wife.
It's been a couple of months now since the Feast, and, as I wrote in my initial reaction to the New Wine, I had quite an ecstatic honeymoon with the Lord at that time. Since then, due to a lot of traveling, I've tapered off somewhat in the frequency I make love with the Lord "going all the way," but I still try to consciously do it at least once a day. I really feel I've missed something if I don't.
I already feel this revelation has brought forth many peaceable fruits in my life. I feel fresher, younger, happier, have more patience with others, am able to show love and affection to others more spontaneously, have an increased appetite for the Word, etc. There are so many things, I could go on and on.
It's like continually walking in the beautiful afterglow of having had a date with someone very special. It just flips me out to think that the God of the universe, the Creator of all things, the Lord of lords and King of kings, could want and need me, a little speck of nothing, a pitiful little molecule of existence by comparison. "Ah, sweet mystery of life, at last I have found thee! Tis our love and our love alone that our dear Lord yearns for!"
To fully realize this has quelled any other ambition. To be the wife, the bride, the queen of the King of kings, to have access to His palace, to His royal bedchamber, to share as His bride all things that He possesses is the ultimate of all ultimates! How wonderful! How ecstatic! How beyond words!
It made me cry when in some of the prophecies the Lord had to even stoop to bribing us to love Him in the way that He desires, by promising us supply, protection, greater anointing and a whole list of things. His humility is incredible. How would we feel if we had to bribe somebody to come to bed with us? Just the honor of loving the Lord and the joys of doing so should be its own reward!
While traveling, I got to share with a few women that I wouldn't normally have asked for a date, because we weren't attracted to each other, etc. But after the "Loving Jesus" series, I felt led to ask a few women for a date, knowing that they were probably lonely and hadn't had a date for a long time. Also, I wanted to have the experience of loving Jesus with someone, and not just on my own.
The Lord wonderfully blessed these dates, and including the Lord in the date made each one so special and memorable. One difference I noticed was that it was easy to say very loving words and special compliments to each other, which normally I would have withheld as being too "mushy," not wanting the girl to think that I was falling in love with her. But now it's understood that the extra measure of love is because Jesus is there loving you through each other. It also makes the conversation before and after sharing so much deeper and satisfying, as you talk about the Lord and His love and the things of the Spirit. It was so beautiful to share with these different women, and now I have a special shared memory with each one.
Since coming back home and reuniting with my mate, I'm thrilled that she feels very comfortable loving Jesus in this way. Before the "Loving Jesus" revelation, we pretty much led separate spiritual lives, but now we are able to praise and pray and make love to Jesus together, and it's doing wonders for our relationship. I'm also very thankful that now we can pray and have sex at the same time. Before when I was having sex, I'd be conscious that this was taking time away from being in the Word or praying, my work or whatever else. But now this is combined, it makes lovemaking so much more relaxing, without having to worry about the amount of time you are spending doing it, because it is spending quality time with the Lord, which is the most important thing we could be doing.
Mama, I just took a break from writing this to have a siesta love-up with my mate and Jesus. I thought at the time how much I would love to gently love you and caress you and kiss you and fuck you and be Jesus for you, and let Him show you how much I love you and am so thankful for all that you've done for me throughout the years. I closed my eyes and for a few minutes I imagined my mate was you, and I tenderly loved you as you so richly deserve. I pray the Lord will pass that love on to you over our Heavenly "Internet" of the Spirit, and that you will feel it in some special way.
I love you too, dear Peter! Sometimes people have asked me what kind of person you are, and I have told them that honestly you are one of the nicest, warmest, most amiable, easy-to-be-around guys I've ever met. I love and respect you, and feel that you greatly deserve the honor that the Lord has bestowed upon you.
Another wonderful fruit of "Loving Jesus" which I'm so thankful for is getting stoned on the Word! In my early years in the Family, we would really get "high" on new Letters that came out! I would read over and over Letters like "Crystal Pyramid," and meditate on their deep truths and get high in the Spirit. Now slowly reading and absorbing the Word in the spirit of letting Jesus fuck me with it has brought the Word to life in a wonderful way, so that even old Letters that had lost their zing for me through familiarity have suddenly sprung to life again full of amazing truths! Who could imagine that we could experience a cosmic sex experience through reading "Spirit Tree"? Wow! For some of us old hippies who used to enjoy tripping out, this has returned the joy of our salvation, when we first discovered that the truths and mysteries in God's Word were the highest "high" of all!
— From an adult woman
Dearest Mama and Peter,
Thank you so much for the "Loving Jesus" revelation. — It is wonderful! The two FSMs of reactions to the "Loving Jesus" GNs also helped me so much. Reading each reaction helped me to see more clearly where I was holding back with the "Loving Jesus" revelation.
The thing that was a stumbling block for me, and that even now is a battle, is accepting Jesus as my Husband. I felt, as was shared from a woman on page 20 of the second "Loving Jesus" reactions FSM (FSM 290), that if I did commit myself, then I was afraid I would never get a husband, and I would have to endure heavy battles of loneliness, difficulties and trials, in order to get this closer walk with the Lord. I thought if I said yes to Jesus being my Husband, then He would say, "Okay, then you don't need a lover, a flesh husband." This thought constantly held me back.
Ever since A. (my mate) and I have been apart, I've had a desire for a husband. Before I joined the Family, I wanted to get married and have children. I had been in the Family for only a few months when I got married. After my first mate left the Family, it was only a year later that A. and I got together. After A. and I broke up, I was really expecting the Lord to have me get together with somebody else. It never dawned on me that I wouldn't, but now it's been seven years. I look back on those seven years and say, "Lord, You haven't given me anybody." But I also can see that through each step of the way He has been there.
Being a shepherd, I've seen many other women, usually in the older age bracket, like myself, having the same struggle. I'm now 46, going on 47. I've had a continual problem with being overweight, and sometimes it does get the better of me. I feel that I'm not that attractive sexually to the opposite sex.
Now that our YAs are turning 21, the field of attractive young women will be wide open. I've worried, "Of course, the younger women are more attractive, so why would our older brothers even want to be attracted to us older women anymore? There's going to be all these young women that they can have sex with and really enjoy." I always have felt that young girls are more attracted to older men than the younger men are attracted to older women, so this has been a fear of mine. But I still wanted to hold on to the hope of marriage, and I felt that saying yes to Jesus would be losing the only chance I had.
During these past years, at different times I've had prophecies given for me. On a couple of occasions, the Lord has said clearly that He's my Husband and He wanted my love. Each time, Lord help me, I've battled against this, saying, "No, Lord, I want a flesh husband." I've been fighting the Lord on this one for many years, and I think fighting against it has caused me to be discontent also.
Before the "Loving Jesus" revelation came out, A. visited, and I felt maybe we could get back together. I basically knew that he didn't want to, and he was happy doing what he was doing, but I still had hopes. I'm always one for building up things, and I was looking at things through rose-colored glasses. When he visited, the reality was right there in front of me and I saw our getting back together wasn't going to work. Still, it was a heavy thing for me to take and receive, because I wasn't receiving what the Lord had told me, that He wanted to be my Husband.
I even remember telling A. that I was lonely many times and he said "Oh, this new revelation will be the answer for you." I got really upset at that because I felt everybody was telling me that. In the Letters it says just give yourself to the Lord and He'll be your Lover and your Husband. But I still hadn't grasped it, I hadn't seen it; I was still looking for a fleshly relationship. I really am ashamed to admit this but the Lord has been so patient with me and has very gently and lovingly been bringing me along all these years.
He even told me last September that "This love that you desire is only man's. I have more for you if you would wait and see and not hold on to this (fleshly love) which is also My love for you, but I have more to give. Don't worry right now, it is a test from Me to see if you will hold on to Me more than ever. I can't tell you the future, but if you will trust Me I will be with you, and greater things I will give you, a love that will not fail. Man's love comes and goes, but My love will never fail. You must trust Me. I will never make it too hard for you to bear. I will never leave you nor forsake you. Stay close to Me in My bed of love, in My Word. Hunger and thirst after My Words. Believe and you shall receive all of My riches, but believe I love you with an everlasting love." (End of excerpt of prophecy.)
Well, I think the part that was missing was believing. (The Lord gave me that prophecy before the "Loving Jesus" revelation.) But after I read the "Loving Jesus" GNs I prayed, "Lord, yes, I believe, help Thou mine unbelief." Then the Lord started showing me more. First of all, He had me look over my last six or seven years, and I saw how loving He's been to me. I've usually had a roommate, and while it wasn't a love relationship, it was a comfort and help to me.
I just wonder at the Lord's love, because He must be so hurt from all the things I've said. I've been so insensitive to His love, and yet He continues to love me with unconditional love no matter how bad or naughty I am. — He's still there. He's always there to love me and keep me.
I started loving Jesus more, and then I started to say the words, "I want You to be my Husband. I love You as a Husband." The first time I said that it was so hard. But now I've been masturbating and saying, "I need You, I need Your love. I love You, my Husband, my Lover." The Lord has been setting me freer. I feel that I have crossed the boundaries that I had set, and have now been set free from the bondage of not letting myself go freely to the Lord.
When I have love up times with my roommate or my sharing partners, of course, I take a shower and put on perfume. I started to also do that with the Lord in our love up times, and they became very special, because it wasn't just a little "quickie." I still have quickies, too, but this was more meaningful because I felt like I was really committing myself, as if to a husband.
Then the Lord did a very special thing. I was having love up time with Him and the next day was going to be my Word and Rest day. I said to the Lord, "Ah, we can have the whole day together tomorrow, Jesus. I love You, and I'm so looking forward to it." It was so beautiful! It was a rush in the spirit! Instead of thinking, "I'm going to be alone," I thought, "No, I'm going to have a date with Jesus. I'm going to have a whole day with my Lover, my Husband. I'm going to be together with my Husband!" I can't even express it, but it's given me so much peace, and the loneliness is definitely going. I treasure this time and I want to include the Lord in this time.
I know I haven't attained, but I wanted to testify how saying "yes" to Jesus being my Husband and Lover has given me such peace. It's brought real fulfillment in my life.
I also want to testify, that in spite of the fact that I'm 46 and I'm certainly not feeling very attractive, Jesus has taken me in His arms and loved me. He takes care of me every step of the way. I'm so thankful that I have such a sweet, patient, loyal Husband, who has never failed me, even though I've failed Him. At times I didn't even want Him and felt that if I had Him it would take away from something that I desired in the flesh. But He's such a gentle Lover, and as soon as I took one little step towards Him, He more than opened His arms to receive me. Praise the Lord!
— From an adult man
Dearest Mama Maria and Peter,
I love you very much and am so thankful for you. Having you as my shepherds and loving parents has been such an anchor and solid foundation for me these past years. I know it's Jesus in you, but I'm so thankful for your continual love and care for us all, and for me personally.
I joined the Family in 1970. Before I joined the Family I was a homosexual. I had this problem from a very young age, since I was about nine years old. This problem has plagued me constantly for many years. I backslid twice, mainly due to this problem. Throughout the years I have been prayed for at various times and have gotten somewhat of a victory over those homosexual tendencies.
The "Loving Jesus" series is such a blessing. I received it gladly and rejoiced. It was something I truly needed. It wasn't so hard for me to accept being Jesus' Bride in the spirit, thank the Lord; and it wasn't and still isn't difficult to keep this intimate relationship with the Lord in the proper spiritual perspective. My battles with being tempted with homosexuality seem so much less now. I don't get distracted, I feel satisfied and fulfilled, and I'm hardly hit with homosexual thoughts at all as a result.
Thank you for faithfully caring for us sheep and giving us God's Words all these years.
— From an adult man
I really believe the "Loving Jesus" revelation is of the Lord. I have my picture of Jesus on my desk, and sometimes I have picked it up and looked at it when I prayed or praised. Sometimes I've even kissed it. So I think I was heading this direction; but this new revelation takes us a lot further!
Thinking of the Lord and loving Him while masturbating is not a big hurdle, I don't think. As it is, I often praise the Lord when I have an orgasm, even if I'm looking at a picture of a woman. And I've often been moved to praise or pray at that moment and it becomes a spiritual experience, though it started in the flesh.
Loving Jesus with a partner is a new and challenging experience. I've never been one to vocalize my feelings a lot with my partners, with the exception of maybe one or two that I can remember. In my present situation, I don't feel emotionally attached to my sharing partner, and getting turned on sexually is not that easy. So to get free in this situation at first seemed like a mountain. The thing the Enemy's hit me with the most (and I'm sure it'll be the same for many singles), is the thought that "Sure, if you're in love and close to someone, like Mama and Peter are, it's going to be natural and easy. They wouldn't have even gotten this revelation, except that they're now having a love relationship — just like I would have had, if Mama hadn't been preaching against them, before she got 'enlightened'." — Ha! The Devil really fought me on that one.
It's obvious that the Enemy will try to use our pride to fight this new move of the Spirit. The Enemy will use our lack of yieldedness to whatever the Lord's doing in our life to make us buck against laying ourselves down before Him in subjection, and loving Him the way He wants. I think this is especially the case if you're already not that happy with your present love life or sharing situation.
I was battling, because my dates are not that intimate, and now I'm supposed to act like this person is "Jesus" to me. I thought, "Well, Lord, I'd prefer to just have You personally and my perception of You, rather than this person distracting me." I didn't mind the concept of "being Jesus" to this person; in fact on one of our last dates, I was kind of desperate about how to get inspired about it and the Lord reminded me to do my best to give her the Lord's love, and it worked and we had a successful date.
But as I prayed about this New Wine, I thought, "Well, Lord, if it's You that's loving me through this person, then why should I complain? I should just be thankful. What more could I want than to be loved by You?" It's just hard on my pride to be happy and yield to it and stop complaining. The Lord gives us many promises of the things that He's going to give us as we obey, such as more love for each other, etc. But maybe that's also where my pride fights, and I say, "Well I don't want to be that close to that person, I don't want to love her more." It just underlines how carnal, selfish, and unyielded I am. What could I want more than to get closer to Jesus? I've just got to see it in the Spirit.
Today was my rest day, so I went back to "Loving Jesus! — Parts 1 and 2," to see how the Lord was preparing us and leading us to this full revelation of His will. I had a good time with the Lord reading these Letters outside in the winter sunshine.
At the end, I was walking around, thinking about how much I have wanted certain people to love me, and how I would have enjoyed being with them, talking, doing things together, being in bed with them, etc. I really wanted to feel those emotions for a while, as I know this is how the Lord has felt towards us. He's waited patiently for so many years, and now He's finally on the verge of having us the way He's wanted to. He's so excited and filled with anticipation, and I don't want to disappoint Him. I've complained about some other people that I liked, because they were hardly willing to "give me the time of day," yet I have been much more inconsiderate of the Lord and His feelings, Lord forgive me. So now's the time to start.
When putting this into action, I've found that it's not hard for me to be physically turned on and think of the Lord when I picture Him seeing us as a beautiful woman. It's the woman part that turns me on, and it makes me happy to think of the Lord being that turned on about us; it makes me want to make Him excited. As a man, I translate my physical feelings into picturing how the Lord feels like that and how excited He is.
I feel like this is the way it's going to be in Heaven, so we might as well get on the bandwagon and do it now! Like the Lord's Prayer, "Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven!" When you think that the Lord is challenging us and presenting us with this opportunity and expecting us to be able to start acting like we will in Heaven, it's quite amazing. The Lord's expecting us to start having Heavenly behavior right now — and of course our doctrines on sex and sharing have been a precursor of this.
We have a tendency to call the "Loving Jesus" revelation a "high doorknob," but actually the Lord is trying to bring the doorknob down to make our loving Him easier, more attractive and pleasurable, even in our flesh. He's adding on a wonderfully pleasant physical sensation to our prayer and communion with Him. How can we complain?
Some of the Letters about Mama and Peter being in love were probably a bit of a trial for some people who've had to forsake love relationships, but each of us just has to follow where the Lord leads. I know full well that their love is a move of God and very important for the Family, in bringing about His will, just like Dad and Mama's love was. If they've been able to have a little pleasure and relief while "carrying the crown" and their heavy burdens and responsibilities, then we should praise the Lord for that.
The thing about Mama and Peter, I know, is that they would have been faithful to give this revelation no matter what their personal circumstances were. Again, we'll never know the trials and fires of testing that they've gone through quietly and sacrificially, in order to be God's vessels for the Endtime!
(Later:) I want to tell you of a miracle that happened. I feel like because I did jump in, trying to practice this New Wine by faith in spite of the difficulties, the Lord has done something very beautiful and unexpected for me. Namely, I've been in love with a married woman on this field for many years. (The feeling is mutual.) We've had plenty of corrections for our excesses in the past, and as a result have learned to put the Lord first in our lives. But somehow, we never fell out of love, though we broke things up years ago, and since then only had two dates.
Although we'd both prayed that we might be able to have some fellowship again, it's amazing and so obvious to me that it was the Lord Who suddenly worked out a two-day rendezvous after so many years, exactly at this time. Since it's something that I've longed for, but forsaken, I knew that the Lord was giving this as a very special gift, and the overall purpose of it was so that I could feel again every one of those sensations of being "in love." — The anticipation, the excitement, the fulfillment, the dearness of being close and rapturously united with someone; and through this, to grasp more tangibly how the Lord feels toward me.
When the Lord brought about this meeting, it was a desire of both our hearts to put the "Loving Jesus" revelation into practice; and it was quite natural and easy to do it together. (I think if you've done it with one person, you can probably then do it more easily with another.)
I've cried a few times thinking about how much the Lord loves me to have allowed that little bit of contact with this woman I love. I know that that's just how important He considers it that I get the point of the New Wine; and also it was a good illustration to me of how far He's willing to go to make us happy, if we'll make Him happy.
I've literally only communicated with this woman for a couple of minutes once or twice a year, and it's usually been in public. So even though I was excited at the prospect of spending time with her (with her husband's consent), I didn't realize that it was going to be the most intimate, deep, and spiritually edifying time that we've ever had. I suppose it doesn't sound so stupendous, but it's just that it was like the "forever-impossible" suddenly happening right at this time when I'd been really trying to love the Lord more in the Spirit.
When I perceived that the Lord was doing this as a major drama or skit to help me understand His love, then I really let go and absorbed every emotion and enjoyed it to the full. I don't suppose I'll be seeing this person more, but I'm thankful that I could learn this lesson.
Thanks again for having the faith to share God's love and ways to love with us!
— From an adult woman
For me, it was a thrill to be able to think of loving Jesus sexually and intimately, and it wasn't a trial to start right away. There are times during the day when I remember that Jesus is right there, almost as if He were a human lover, and it makes my heart go pit-a-pat, and I feel all warm inside and happy and so loved.
It was a little more difficult for the men to take the New Wine, but I'm happy to say that although at first with my mate, the wine was funny tasting, we have begun to love Jesus together when we make love. We have been amazed at how the Lord has increased our love-making and eroticism with sex, just like He promised. Something has really happened and it's thrilling!
After the Feast, I was taking some time to love Jesus and make love to Him, dwelling on Him and receiving His seeds, and I felt happy that I was giving Him what He wanted. After this lovemaking session with Jesus, I was reflecting on what He had said about how He is going to bless us beyond measure for our love, and He would treat us as a Queen. Later that day we got a telephone call from some ex-neighbors who we haven't heard from in about eight months. They said they had an urge to call us and told us that they were dropping a check for $100 in the mail for us. What an immediate answer to prayer, and so unexpected! Also, after the Feast is when our king let us know that he would like to supply us with free housing! Thank the Lord!
— From an adult woman
The "Loving Jesus" GNs are very beautiful and special for me personally. Before they came, I was re-reading parts one and two of the "Loving Jesus" series, trying to figure out how to put them into practice. It seemed hard to find time, as my schedule is quite busy.
To add to that, I've been spending three or four nights a week with a sweet and special companion the Lord's recently blessed me to have a close friendship and relationship with. We were reading the Word together, and of course, were praying at night and in the morning, but it seemed difficult to fit in more time for the Lord. In fact, the week before the Feast we talked a little bit about how we could bring the Lord more into our times together, and were very curious to see what the new pubs were going to say.
After reading and studying the "Loving Jesus" GNs, the Lord has made our times together even more special as we've brought Him more into the picture. It's been surprisingly easy to put this new counsel into effect, even though both of us are more on the shy side, but the Lord's made it very simple to do. It has definitely enhanced our times together, and was the answer to our question as to how to put the Lord first in our relationship. I think naturally when you're in a new relationship you tend to spend a lot of time together, and sometimes the Word and prayer get a little squeezed out.
This new "Loving Jesus" revelation has also made both of us very, very thankful for the sweet love He's blessed us with, as it is the first time in years that either of us have been close to anyone and it's an extra-special treat. For me personally, it's like the prophecy which came out in one of "Mama's Love Story" GNs, the one where it mentioned the Lord was sending out many cupids, and you wouldn't know when or where they would shoot their little arrows. I remember at the time thinking, "Oh, that would be nice, but it probably won't happen to me." I had pretty much resigned myself to being single forever. In fact, I lived in this Home for five months before even having a date or spending any time with this brother, but then almost from one day to the next, we got close and began spending time together.
So it has been a "new day" for both of us and we're very thankful for the love the Lord's given us for each other, and for now opening the door for us to invite Him into our relationship as well.
— From an adult woman
I think the Family didn't expect things to be so radical after Dad's graduation. Maybe we expected things to settle down a bit, ha! During the Feast, my husband and I were living in a Home with three YA couples, some teens and our children. I started reading the Feast Letters and I didn't find them so surprising. My personal concern was that when I would try to do what was suggested, I felt like I might just be going through the motions, without feeling anything.
One morning meeting during the Feast, I was with the children's group, so at quiet time that day I was alone in my room, getting caught up on the mailings before the evening meeting. I got to a part in one Letter where you said how much it touched your heart that Jesus needed our love. I started to cry, and then as I kept reading, I felt like I was getting very horny, wanting to love the Lord. So, I masturbated, and it was so easy and simple and wonderful. I think the most overwhelming thing to me was to see the Lord's humility — what real love and humility is. It was something I'd never seen; so sincere and pure and without any pride.
Afterward, I felt like I was lying with my head on the Lord's shoulder and He asked if there was anything He could do for me. The first answer that came to me was that I wanted to help the teens and YAs in our Home make it, and that's what I told Him.
I was so happy with my first intimate experience with the Lord in this way, and that I didn't have to force anything or pretend anything. The Lord just did it and there was nothing really odd or abnormal about it. It was very real, and I was sure that what I was reading was of the Lord, because I had experienced it personally.
I continued to have some sweet times with the Lord. Each time after loving the Lord, my favorite part was that the Lord felt so close and His voice was so clear — just like another person's. One time afterward, the first thing the Lord said was, "Will you testify of your 'Loving Jesus' experiences?" My heart sank! The Lord got quiet and didn't say more, but I felt very convicted and kept thinking about what He'd asked of me.
Situations started to come up where I was talking with the young people in our Home, and the subject of "Loving Jesus" would come up. I took a step of faith to share my testimony, to show that it wasn't weird and could be very natural. It wasn't so hard, and I realized that maybe Jesus meant for me to do just that. So, one by one the Lord opened the door for me to share my testimony personally with everyone in the Home. I thought it might freak them out, but it didn't, and I felt like they appreciated the testimony.
Then things started to get very pressured in the Home. Three of our new YA mommies needed help, as they were recuperating from sickness or their children were ill. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a physical breakdown, and at the same time I got attacked spiritually as well. I don't know that I've ever really struggled with doubts before. Even during the years that I was a catacomber before joining, I was given the New Wine, and while it was pretty radical for a church girl, I always liked it and it was easy to receive.
Now I found myself with a new set of battles concerning what was happening with the Family. I think what suffered the most during this time was the beautiful new relationship that I had developed with Jesus. It just wasn't there anymore. I kept making excuses, that I was sick or tired at night when Jesus reminded me that maybe we could spend some time together. It was funny, because once I'd had the experience of loving Jesus, I felt like He expected it of me. I'm not saying that in a negative way or that the Lord was demanding, but now that I understood and knew it was for real and for my own good, the Lord was encouraging me to continue.
One night I couldn't sleep and I knew it was because I needed to spend personal time with the Lord. It wasn't as easy as the first times, but I knew I had to have that to be able to get the victory. I needed to keep going, and when I didn't give up, the Lord came through in the same sweet and loving way, praise the Lord!
One thing that has caused me to continue to want to love the Lord in this way is that I feel like this is a time of change and I need to hear the Lord's voice very clearly. I've really wanted that relationship, because I wanted the closeness to the voice of the Lord.
It has really helped to read the "Loving Jesus Jewels" GN. Now I have the faith to forge ahead with the New Wine. On our Prayer Day we took the list of phrases on page 11 of the "Loving Jesus Jewels" GN, and we gave everyone copies. Then we started to praise the Lord together, and asked everyone to read whatever phrases they chose. This way everyone was reading and praising the Lord at the same time. It helped to break the ice and helped everyone to step out by saying love words to Jesus unitedly.—It wasn't so hard after all! (Editor's note: For the specific instructions on how to discuss the "Loving Jesus" revelation and when to say love words to Jesus as a Home, please see "Loving Jesus Jewels," ML# 3045:57-80, GN 674.)
— From an adult man
The "Loving Jesus" revelation was really a wonderful answer to my deepest prayers and desires of how I could have a closer and more meaningful relationship with the Lord. As far as the application goes, I now find myself saying sweet and loving things to Him throughout the day, and my words and communications with Him in prayer have become very precious to me.
Concerning having sex with my mate and loving the Lord at the same time, well, if I get too honest and graphic, this letter may start to be a little X-rated, ha! Let me say that it has been quite a sexy turn-on for both of us (loving Him and each other at the same time), and has really sent us. Wow! I hope my heart holds out!
Loving the Lord together hasn't been any problem at all, and it has been a beautiful, wonderful, sexy experience that we both needed and were longing for in our hearts. I believe it will deepen our relationship together as well.
Oh by the way, after starting to read the series I wanted to find something confirming from the Word about this new principle of loving Him in a deeper, sexier way, and I got Deut.6:5, where Moses is passing on all the key laws and commandments to the Israelites for when they were to cross over the Jordan into the Promised Land. The verse is about loving the Lord our God with all our heart, soul and mind. I looked up the word "love" and it comes from the Hebrew word "ahab" or "aheb" meaning "to have affection for sexually or otherwise." Isn't that inspiring? Wow!
— From an adult woman
I can honestly say with all my heart that the "Loving Jesus" revelation saved my marriage. I was trying so hard to keep up with my ministries of outreach and follow-up, teaching and training my four small children, keeping up with the cleanliness of the Home, and taking care of my husband. I felt burdened about the schooling of my children and was trying to pour into them at any opportunity. After a while, I felt I couldn't handle any more kids, so we decided to stop fucking and started to work with a national single sister as a threesome, so more of my husband's needs could be met, and she would have a daddy for her son.
As much as my husband and I love each other, we started to drift apart. I started feeling bad whenever we were fucking and using condoms in order to try to have a longer break between the kids. We felt like we had built all these walls with no way out. It was very sad.
We didn't know what the New Wine and counsel we were going to receive for the Feast was, but my husband got a beautiful poem on Valentine's Day about loving each other and the children and Jesus more, and being a family again. It was an interesting prelude to the Feast.
The Feast was a major breakthrough for us as it dawned on us that love was the most important thing. The fact that Jesus wants to love us spiritually through the vehicle of physical lovemaking opened up a whole new dimension and set us free again to enjoy each other. For us, those walls collapsed and gave us back the joy of our salvation.
It is so liberating to be freed from condemnation and to have a way to love the Lord in whatever capacity we feel we can handle. Loving Jesus in our relationship has rejuvenated our marriage and we feel so much closer to each other, like when we first met! I am writing this to say from the bottom of my heart that if it worked for me, it will work for anybody!
— From an adult man
Thanks for telling it to us like it is and not holding back! This "Loving Jesus" series is so good, I really like it! It is really bottle-breaking and I really enjoyed reading it! All this New Wine feels so much like Dad's. Mama, when you and Peter took over after Dad's graduation, I was wondering if it was ever going to be the same again, so radical. I thought, "Well, Mama has more of a church background so it might be toned down a bit, more like a churchy Christian love type of thing." But I can see now that I was wrong, you really got Dad's mantle in double measure!
As soon as we finished reading part three in the series, I tried saying the love words, and right away I felt much closer to Jesus, not like a friend anymore but much more intimate. When I was imagining myself as a woman in the spirit, at first it was a little bit difficult as it was very new to me. I am very mental, and like many men I visualize a lot and imagine in pictures. To imagine a bearded Jesus kissing me on the mouth wasn't so bad, the Muslims do it and it's part of their tradition and they don't have homosexual thoughts about it. But at first, when I thought about making love to Jesus and trying to fantasize Him fucking me, that was a little more difficult. But the second time I tried it, I was able to imagine myself as a woman in the spirit, having a lovemaking session with Jesus.
Then I got to identify myself with my wife, and imagine myself as a naked woman and Jesus coming to make love to me. Since then I've tried it with my mate, too. It was very different to include Jesus in our lovemaking sessions, but we felt so good afterwards, a real high in the spirit and close to the Lord. The Lord is giving us all kinds of new ideas and new ways to do it and it's very exciting!
We've grown so much! Praise the Lord that He entrusted us with this new truth and light on the Heavenly realities of life in the spirit world.
— From an adult woman
Dear Mommy Maria,
I wanted to write a reaction to the "Loving Jesus" revelation, and the many lessons the Lord is teaching me through it. The marriage relationship between my husband and me was quite cold, and for many years we have lived in an office situation with him mainly being involved with his work, and I mainly being involved with taking care of the kids.
There is a single mom in our Home. I mentioned to her that if she wanted to share with my husband it was fine, as I could understand that she might feel lonely. But then this sister fell in love with my husband. It was quite a shock to me, because they were spending a lot of time together. Before this happened I was feeling really lonely because my husband used to come in real late at night from his work in the office, so this new relationship was too much for me and I started going through jealousy trials.
I have been in the Family for 19 years and this was the first time I felt so unstable, with my emotions running wild. I did not have the power to control them. I kept going up and down. I felt shattered and confused.
When different things happened, I would hold on desperately to the many promises the Lord gave me when I would cry out to Him. Two of the promises He gave me were, "I will bestow light upon you and show you the way," and "I let you live so you can see My power." I was kind of waiting to see what the Lord was going to do, because I could not run away from the situation since it involved the work, my kids, etc.
The day of the Feast came and we started reading this beautiful revelation. Suddenly everything started to come into perspective. I just wanted to make love to Jesus, even though I felt so worn and weary from all of the battles, with no more strength to fight.
These Letters rekindled my faith, because the Lord and you, Mama, were teaching me how to love, how to be a wife (I have many lessons to learn also in my marriage), and it was an illustration of how I need to see Jesus more in my husband. We were trying to improve our relationship by reading the Marvelous Marriage book, but it lacked the solid foundation — to love Jesus through each other, and to fall in love with Jesus.
Mama, the Lord and you saved me, and I want to thank you for having the faith to share what the Lord gave you. The first night I tried loving Jesus with my husband, it was so exciting and beautiful! The next day I told him to share with this dear sister since it looked like she needed someone to be with her. Thank you, thank you! You freed me from the clutches of the Enemy! I love you always!
— From a female YA
Thank you for being willing to pass on these revolutionary truths from the Spirit. The Letters for this Feast were especially beautiful and very encouraging. TTL! All throughout my life the Lord has blessed me with so much love, especially through people. There always seemed to be someone there when I needed them, whether it was my mom, a loving shepherd or a friend. Even though I've always had a tendency to think negatively about myself, I've always known in my heart that the Lord loved me and would pull me through any difficulty, trial or blow-it that I've made.
This new concept of being more intimate with Jesus is a radical doctrine! I really like it! It's bottle breaking! I feel this is not only going to make our relationship with Jesus more exciting, but will also deepen and strengthen it for the dark days ahead. I used to battle loneliness a lot, but I can see a ray of hope that this more intimate way of loving Jesus will alleviate many of those trials too! (It already has!)
I wanted to tell you about something that happened to me that changed my life. A few months ago I blew it so bad that I thought the Lord didn't want to be around me any more. Mainly because I had done the same thing many times before and didn't seem to be learning my lesson.
One night I couldn't even go to sleep and was getting so negative about my life, letting the Enemy speak to me and convince me that I was no good. I cried so much, and I wanted so desperately to lie in the Lord's arms; to feel His love and His unconditional acceptance of me. I got up, took a pencil and paper and sat in the bathroom and wrote a note to the Lord. I was so desperate, Mama. I just felt I had to communicate to the Lord somehow what was going on. By the time I was finished writing, I felt such a peace in my heart and a warm feeling through my body. (The warm feeling was like the satisfaction you feel after having a date with someone you really love!)
I want to make it clear that although I am an emotional person, I don't find it easy to visualize things in the spirit. I don't consider myself to have a great gift of prophecy, and I often feel dumb in the spirit. But what I felt after writing that love note to the Lord was indescribable! I felt so warm, like there was a blanket of love wrapped around me. I remember thinking to myself when it was all over that that experience was more satisfying than a physical date, because I knew it was the Lord loving me and because the encouragement has never ended. I still feel the Lord's unconditional love from that one experience.
Mama, I don't think I'll ever forget that experience and it will serve as a reference point in my life. Especially if I go through rough times in my life and the Enemy tries to convince me that the Lord has finally given up on me. I also wanted to tell you that my favorite Letters at that time were "I Love You, Just You" and "Loving Jesus!—Parts 1 and 2." Those Letters came to life and I couldn't read them enough.
I also wanted to say that it was the beautiful sample of a sweet shepherd that really encouraged me and has helped me. He was very loving, understanding, and had a lot of faith for me, but most of all, he loved the Word and the Lord so much. He really drew his strength from the Word. He was always studying at night, first thing in the morning, and whenever he got a chance. Being a Home shepherd, this was a good example of where to get your strength. Then the Lord even blessed me with some love-up times with him, as his wife had gone on the road and gave him the go ahead, God bless her! This was the first time I'd ever had a date with a married person and I was very hesitant as it was something new for me. Also, his wife and I were really close and I was afraid things would not be the same afterwards.
At first there were some difficulties, but we got together and learned to be honest. I learned to be appreciative of her sacrifice to let her mate share with me, and to always express my appreciation, even though it wasn't easy for her to hear, and very humbling for me to express.
It was really sweet and I really knew it was the Lord loving me, because I knew he, being already married to a sweet and dedicated sister, was not looking for something in me, but rather I felt it was a beautiful way of showing me that Jesus really did love me and didn't want to lose me. Also, knowing my shepherd knew all the rotten things I'd done and still loved me so sweetly helped me to see it as the Lord's love, and not so much as an infatuation or emotional relationship. That experience really helped me to picture myself as a lover to the Lord, and has since made it easier for me to put this new way of loving Jesus into practice.
I love you dearly, Mama, and will continue to love and pray for you as you faithfully pour out the Lord's love for us all!
P.S.: I'm enclosing a copy of my little note that I wrote to the Lord for your interest:
By Your grace, even though I feel like I can't make it and I've failed so many times in the past, I want to make progress in the following areas:
1. More sensitive in the spirit and having a deeper relationship with You.
2. Make the Word a priority in my life.
3. Stop biting my nails and lose weight. (Thank the Lord, He has already given me the victory!)
And if in the meantime I become less negative about myself and grow in faith, I'll be very grateful to You. As for now, until then, I'll put my past behind me and trust You. I really do love You, Jesus, and know that You are the only One with the power to change my life. Even though I'm often faithless I know You are faithful! Please don't give up on me! I need You more than ever now and I don't want to let You go! Did You know that You are the only One that can make any sense of my life at all?! Lord, sometimes I feel like a jigsaw puzzle with some of its pieces missing and I know that You are the only person in the whole world that can put me back together. — I really am lost without You! Do you realize that without You I'm worthless? Help me to become worthy!
You know, sometimes I think, if I could just touch You, I'd gently caress You with my fingers. If I could just hear You whisper in my ear as I run my fingers through Your soft, Heavenly hair, You know I'd never let You go! And if I could just see Your loving eyes loving me, I'd never stop loving You!
When can I feel Your love? When can I see You? When can I lie in Your arms? Don't let me go! I need You! I love You!
— From an adult male
Since reading the "Loving Jesus" revelation and seeing the Summit videos regarding questions on this subject, although it's a bit strange to me in that I am a man and the thought of bringing it into lovemaking is a bit strange to digest, I do take it completely as from the Lord and I have accepted it all by faith. I can honestly say my relationship with the Lord has taken on a much closer and new dimension. It's truly more intimate and beautiful. Before, I saw the Lord more as a father figure and more as a disciplinarian and authoritative figure. But now as I accept Him as a Lover, the disciplinarian and authoritarian role moves more to the background, and a truly loving relationship has taken its place.
I feel a lot less condemned and more relaxed, and this in turn draws me closer as I look to Him each minute of the day for not just instruction but inspiration and encouragement and all that you would look to a lover for. I've always tried to be open and honest with the Lord, and now that aspect too has been deeper and more intimate. I find myself just enjoying and relaxing in His love more; and as I feel so incapable at times, it seems He becomes so much more capable and helpful and just there, as a lover would be. I think also having a lover over the past almost two years, truly the first woman I've really gotten close to, has helped me to appreciate just how special it is to have the Lord as our Lover. I'm so so thankful for this revelation as it truly has changed my life and walk with Jesus.
— From a female SGA
I guess because I'm a woman, the idea of being intimate and even sexual with the Lord is nothing new. I have quite a vivid imagination, and have often pictured the Lord making love to me in the past. I thought although this particular revelation was heavy and new, it was going to be more of a change for the men, like the battle we women went through when first reading the "Go for the Gold" GN. — Now it was their turn to be tested, ha!
As we continued to read and got into part six of the "Loving Jesus" series, I began to see there was something there for me, too! The things the Lord said about loving Him while loving others was a bit of a bottle-breaker for me, especially to say those things out loud and really make love to the Lord in the Spirit while having sex with someone. It made me cringe, just like the Lord said it would.
What the Lord said about us YAs and SGAs having so much pride, carnal attitudes, System hang-ups, etc., is so true. I know that this is what makes it difficult for some of us to be free and uninhibited in our sex lives. Many of us young people are afraid to be too open or free about sex, even while in bed with someone we love. Some have told me they would rather not be touched in certain places, or have too much light on in the room. They are disgusted by certain aspects of sex and would rather just lie there and be fucked and not have to do anything that would require them to humble themselves in any way. This, I feel, is a result of pride, and it's sad, because many of them are not able to be satisfied, as they are not willing to let go.
I feel this new way of lovemaking, although very humbling, will be the key to us young people letting the Lord take over more. For me, the battle is pride in the way that we will be giving most of the credit to the Lord rather than to one another. I know it's my pride that wants to be wanted for who I am and not just for the Lord's love in me.
Another thing that is difficult for me, which I know the Lord is working on in my life, is to give sacrificially and lovingly as Jesus gives to us. I like to give love and encouragement to others, but sometimes it can be a real battle to share with someone who I have no particular feelings for, or who I don't get along so well with. This new revelation does make it easier in a way, as the Lord makes it so clear that it's giving His love to others, and that it's what He wants us to do. Also, He leaves the choice with us as to how far we want to go with this, and says that we only have to go one step at a time. This is encouraging, and the fact that He makes it voluntary makes you want to please Him by doing all that you can to love others. Of course, it will take time to implement all this in my life, but the blessings that come with these sacrifices are well worth it.
One attitude prevalent amongst many of us YAs and teens which is really sad, and I feel is preventing people from receiving sacrificial love from each other, is the fact that we don't want anyone to make a sacrifice for us. It's too humbling for us to receive it. For instance, if someone finds out through gossip (thank the Lord He touched on that point, as it's such an evil device of the Enemy that causes so many to stop loving each other for fear of what others might say) that a person had a date with them just because they needed it, or out of sacrificial love, they get offended and don't want to have a date with that person anymore. One person said to me that they would rather not have sex than take it from someone who doesn't really want it from them, but who is just doing it to be loving or sweet.
Not everyone is like this — perhaps only those who have a lot of pride in the way, or think they're better than others. Lord help us! I know I've had that tendency sometimes, too — to be offended if I hear that someone did it for me, because I needed it. First of all it's humbling to admit that you need it, and secondly, it's humbling to admit that maybe everyone doesn't desire you quite as much as you think they do. It's sad that this attitude prevails, as so much of love is giving, and learning to receive is a big part of giving.
I know this is probably going to be the hardest part of learning to love the Lord while with each other, because it will be magnifying the Lord in each other, rather than how good the person is in bed, or how experienced he or she is, and this costs forsaking our pride. This is a System hang-up we've had for some time — wanting to be good in bed so that it will be said that we're "hot," and therefore we'll be more popular with others who are popular. It's sick actually, and I'm glad we can get out of this garbage and truly learn to love others with the Lord's love.
Another difficulty I thought of while reading about this subject was the fact that if you are sharing with someone out of sacrificial love and yet the whole time you are thanking the Lord for His love and making love to Him, the person would feel that you really don't have any interest in him or her, but you're just doing your duty to the Lord. However the Lord covered it so well in the "Loving Jesus Questions and Answers" GN — how we need to remember that love is not just unidirectional, but that it needs to be shown to others as well, not just to the Lord. Otherwise it's just a works trip and we are not really fulfilling what the Lord said about being Jesus to others.
I think another important point for us young people is to not limit ourselves to what we think we can and cannot do. If we put a limit on how far we feel we can go with this new way of loving the Lord, then we are limiting what the Lord can do with us and how much He can help us. Perhaps at this point we feel all we can do is love the Lord in words. Well, let's practice that for awhile and once we've made it over that hump we can go onto the next. I know that the Enemy will tempt us to say, "I can do this, but I am certainly not able to go that far and do that." But we can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us. So I think if we just take it all and wrap it up in a bundle of faith and take out a little at a time, we will find that it's not quite so difficult after all.
It's funny, I've heard many of the young people say that we as a Family have become too "churchy" recently and that we are not so separated from the System anymore. Some feel that we've had to conform in so many ways to appease the System that sometimes it can look like we aren't the revolutionary Family we once were. But this new revelation sure sets us apart and makes us stand out in the crowd. I'm glad that we are still alive and changing and that we aren't settling down and becoming like the churches, and this proves it! Like Grandpa said in one of the prophecies in these GNs, did we think that when he died things would settle down? It just shows that you, Mama, are just as revolutionary as he was. Sometimes I, along with others, have been tempted to think that you aren't as revolutionary or as much of an iconoclast as Grandpa was, and I missed that sometimes. But reading these new Letters has changed my opinion totally. You sure are a new bottle, more so than a lot of us!
I was sharing in one of our meetings how when Grandpa said all those things about fucking the Lord and getting fucked in the spirit, we as teens and YAs would all be right behind him and agreeing wholeheartedly with this "heavy meat." But, when you said the same things, Mama, it made me cringe a bit and it broke many of our bottles. I was wondering why this was, and I thought that perhaps it's because we were used to having Grandpa say those things, but we all looked at you as a sweet, meek and mild woman. Hearing you say these things is shocking and brings it home.
Perhaps another reason is because what the Lord is saying through you is not just spiritual symbolism but reality, something that the Lord wants us to put into practice physically, right now! Perhaps we have become old bottles a bit over the last few years, too, and the New Wine doesn't pour into us quite as smoothly and it breaks or stretches our bottles a bit. LHUs!
Mama, you are such a sample to us all of someone who just loves the Lord and gives what He gives her, without hesitations or holding anything back. Thanks! I love you!
— From an adult man
I very much believe and enjoyed the "Loving Jesus" series. I was able to start saying love words to Jesus immediately, both when alone in private devotions, and when with my dear passionate wife, and even my main sharing partner. It was noticeably sweet and special and made for a more beautiful time.
It certainly increased the excitement and openness during times of lovemaking, which was a bit of a surprise to me as I didn't see in the case of my loving wife, how I could love her any more than I already did. But as the Lord promised, bringing Jesus actively into lovemaking and saying love words to Him has definitely heightened the passion and brought more freedom in the spirit. It was still awkward at times, and I had to proceed by faith, but the physical lovemaking is now better than ever and a deeper more spiritual aspect has been added to it — not taking it out of the physical, but adding spirit to an already excellent form of fellowship and recreation!
The thing that I hadn't faced or tackled in the beginning was the masturbation issue, mainly because it's not something I practice very much anymore. I used to be "quick on the draw" with "my finger on the trigger" a lot when I was young (the two of us were inseparable!). But when I finally discovered the joys of lovemaking with a female at the age of 18, the contrast was so great I basically abandoned the "do it yourself" style in whole-hearted preference towards the "do it with someone else" approach! So the masturbation side of the "Loving Jesus" series was a little harder to grasp, mainly because it's not something I do so much these days, therefore imagining doing it with Jesus was quite a bit more far out and unimaginable for me.
I wrapped that in a bundle of faith and left it on the shelf during the initial readings, but then during this time when my wife has been away, it seemed that the Lord wanted me to face it before it became like the cigar in the story Grandpa tells — a bit of a telephone pole between me and the Lord (ML #604:1). I was convicted in my heart that I hadn't even been willing up till then to try it even once, even just to see how it went. Actually, it wasn't so much that I wasn't willing to try it, but the opportunity hadn't arisen.
So the Lord was now convicting my heart to try it while my wife was away. It did seem that this was even one of the purposes of her time away, to not only give her a sweet honeymoon time alone with Jesus, but also for me to have that time to try this one last thing that I hadn't been so enthused about. I didn't really desire to do it in a physical sense, and in some ways, even as I came to the moment of facing it, it wasn't something I had a super burden or desire for physically. But I felt the need to face my fears, face down my pride, and do the humble thing. I started rereading the series a couple days earlier, as I was feeling that I needed to get closer to the Lord after a busy week and take some fellowship time with Him.
So on my rest day, it seemed the Lord was leading and paving the way to lay down my pride and try it, and I did, with quite satisfactory results. One of the greatest results is the fact that I can testify of it now. Before I did it I thought, "Oh, if I do it then I'd probably need to testify of it, and what if it ever came out in print and others find out about it?!" The thought was not appealing to me at all. In fact it was quite humbling and kind of grossed me out, as did even the idea of trying it. But now that I have faced my fear, humbled myself and tried it, I actually feel pressed to share my lesson and testify of it, and to not take it lightly or try to hide it or cover it.
When I finally decided to do it that day, I felt led to do like the Letter, "Lovemaking to Jesus" says, and strip off everything. I was in my pajamas for rest day, but I didn't feel like I should even have on one stitch of clothing. — I needed to remove everything in order to humble myself and expose myself to Him; sort of a physical demonstration of what I was doing in the spirit. So I was as "naked as a jay bird" — even my watch had to come off — and there in the quiet of my bedroom I masturbated, and it was quite sweet and not such a big deal. The love words came quite easily. Though I had often thought I wouldn't be able to do it, when it was all over, it was actually quite simple and easy. It was a very sweet time of loving Him, telling Him I loved Him and needed him, etc.
The thing that amazes me the most now is the change that's come over me afterwards in my attitudes. As I said, I feel like testifying of it. Since I tried it, it's helped free me in the spirit. I did not particularly want to stand up in front of a group of people and go on and on about it, but I do feel the need to share my lesson and let other "proud" males know it really isn't that difficult, and that in actuality, as you, Mama and Peter, have shared, it's very sweet and special.
So I am one that has tried it, even though I did not necessarily look forward to it or relish the idea, and I found it to be just as you said. I do feel I've removed coverings and garments of pride between me and the Lord through this simple physical act, and that my understanding has been opened up and increased through this humbling, forsaking all and exposing my fears and cover ups to Him.
I've been in the Family 25 years this year, and have seen many revelations and revolutions. This revelation has been one of the most radical or difficult to receive or understand to some degree, and one that has required a bit more faith than others, but one that I believe, as you said, Mama, will bring us closer to Him and each other, which is what we'll need to get us through the dark days ahead. I just wanted to share that with you and thank you again for this beautiful revelation, with all its aspects and facets, and for having the faith to share it with us all. It does bear good fruit and I'm happy for it in my life!
Regarding masturbation, I think I still prefer the other method, and I'm looking forward to my dear wife's return, so I can continue practicing it with her! But I'm thankful to have faced this fear and to have "gotten over the hump," so to speak, by getting humped by Jesus, ha!
As the Bible says, "If any man will do His will, he will know the doctrine, whether it be of God or whether we speak of ourselves." Understanding is the reward of faith — and trying it. I think anyone that's willing to honestly be open minded and try it is bound to find good fruits, as both you and He have promised.
— From a female SGA
Dear Mama and Peter,
When the "Loving Jesus" revelation first came out, I have to admit, I had a bit of a rough time with it. I was looking at it in the flesh and I couldn't understand how it could be transposed into the spirit. I felt it was "way out there" and I had to fight not analyzing it. I prayed and asked the Lord to give me the faith to accept it, even if it was hard for me to understand or believe. I decided that even though I didn't necessarily go for it, so to speak, I would wrap it up in a bundle of faith and stick it on the shelf until the Lord worked in my life a little more.
Shortly thereafter, my husband went to the Summit meeting. When he came back, there was a noticeable difference about him. I attributed it to the fact that he was able to spend a lot of time getting close to Jesus. I was curious to know if he had practiced the "Loving Jesus" revelation when he shared with others there. He said, "Well, I think I made a few baby steps of progress in that direction." I think he was sort of holding back from telling me all that he experienced with it, to give me time to get used to it, especially since he knew I was already having difficulty with it.
A few days passed, and I didn't think much of it. Then we spent a day praying, reading prophecies and trying to find the Lord's will for our lives. I had also asked the Lord to help me get a greater connection with Him. During the time that my mate was away, I was so overloaded and busy most of the time with the kids and the Home that I hardly had time to work on my relationship with Jesus. I think it suffered somewhat because of my neglect, and I was starting to feel like I was drifting away from that close link with Him. The burdens and the cares of this life were getting to me; the Enemy was starting to hit me with doubts, and I was getting rather shaky in my ardent love for the Lord.
I felt my relationship with the Lord was like a couple who had been married for a long time and had lost that real passion for one another, and just made love or spent time together out of routine or habit. Similarly, I would get in the Word out of habit, but it had lost the luster.
Our marriage was becoming somewhat the same. We've been married for about five years now and everything was getting a bit mundane and monotonous. I prayed that day that the Lord would help me partake more of His Spirit and that I could get closer to Him. At the time, mind you, I wasn't even thinking about the "Loving Jesus" revelation as I had really put that on the shelf and was trying not to think about it, as otherwise I would start analyzing it too much.
Sweet Jesus, He's so faithful! He knew just what I needed. It just so happened that that night my mate and I were lying together in bed discussing the "Loving Jesus" concept together and then we started making love. I know I needed that original prodding from my mate to get me started, but we sort of spontaneously started loving Jesus together.
At first it was not so personal, but more like, "Thank You, Jesus for loving us. Fill us with Your seeds," etc. But after a while it began to be more personal and intimate like, "Thank You for kissing me, Jesus. I want to be Yours, Lord," etc.
And I have to admit that I'll have to chalk that up as one of the most incredible experiences of my life, if not the most! We spent about half an hour loving the Lord together and I was so happy and felt so loved and secure. After we were finished, I just burst into tears. I can't explain why. The only thing I can relate it to would be that I had felt bound up for a long time and someone finally freed me. I was flying high for days afterwards! I felt the Lord had honored my faith, in that, even though I didn't think it could happen to me, I had set it on the bundle-of-faith shelf, in hopes that one day I would understand. I felt so privileged and blessed of the Lord through it all, but most of all thankful.
The wonderful part is that the experience didn't end there. We got so turned on by it that every time we make love we do the same thing. After having experienced loving Jesus together, now having sex without including the Lord in it seems like a counterfeit or just not as special for some reason. For me personally, I found that when we talk to the Lord during our love up times, it has made it more exciting and ardent, something which we seemed to have lost in our sex life over the years. It was getting kind of boring, but now it is renewed and new and like falling in love all over again. I know it is because the Lord is rewarding us for making Him our First Love.
I feel if there is hope for me to get so turned on about it and sold on it, then there is hope for anyone, because I really had a hard time with it initially. It was also a lesson for me on how faith and obedience come first and then God answers prayer. The Lord wanted to answer my prayers for a better relationship with Him, a better relationship with my husband and others around me, but He knew I needed to obey first and then I could take part in the wonderful results. I only feel bad that I didn't tap into it sooner because of my pride and reservations.
Because of the sample my husband has been to me in this area, I am sure that I too could now turn around and do the same with someone else, like others I share or spend time with. I never dreamed I could venture out to do such a thing with one of my peers while having a date, but now I can easily picture myself wanting to do it with them, by simply explaining to them how much it turned me on. It will probably be initially hard to get over the pride barrier, but I'm not so worried about that, because getting over that first feeling of uneasiness is very much outweighed in all that the Lord gives you in return.
Thank you for stepping out and sharing this with us. It has changed my life so much for the better and I want to keep changing and growing and drinking in all that the Lord has for us in this new day. Thank you both for your love for us, and for being so faithful to pass on what the Lord gives. I treasure every bit of it.
— From a female YA
Shortly before the Feast, I started to feel that my prayer life was lacking in some way. I had lost that close, intimate touch with Jesus and my time with Him began to lean more in the direction of becoming a ritual. I didn't want to lose, or rather, lack that close connection with Him that I so much desired. The GNs that were coming out at the time talked extensively about the need to love the Lord more, to draw closer to Him, that we would need a close connection with Him in these Last Days.
I read some of the old Letters on our relationship with the Lord, Letters like "Old Church, New Church," and some more recent ones in the DBs, the "Yield and Obey" series, etc. I wanted to try to implement them, but I thought for sure I would be getting out of my league to suppose that I could be that intimate with Jesus. Sure, Jesus was Someone to be reverenced, adored and worshipped, but I didn't know how well the lover part was going to fly with me.
Needless to say, I was very thankful when the "Loving Jesus" series came out. It was so clear and covered the revelation from every possible angle, with prophecies even telling us the exact words to say.
In applying "Loving Jesus" to my life, I had no problem with saying the words and loving the Lord intimately, when alone and in private. Loving the Lord with a partner was one aspect that initially I didn't have the faith (or the humility) for, and I didn't know if I'd be able to implement that part of it. I was thankful that the Lord said we could go slow, and that even if we took only baby steps in the right direction, He would honor it.
As it says in the "Loving Jesus" series, the Lord knows what He can expect from each individual. So after a while, I felt the Lord was asking me personally to take it a step further and to love the Lord with a partner. I felt that tug on my heart and the desire to step out by faith — especially since the Lord says if we take the steps or the leaps of faith, He would, in turn, give us the blessings He has promised when loving Him together with a partner. — He promises to reward us with power and love, to draw us nigh to Him, which in turn will empower us with the spirit of David to reach the world with His love and message, and thus we will be able to fulfill His will.
In my case, I needed a new outlook on sharing, taking it into a new plane of not only the physical aspect and enjoyment, but bringing the Spirit into it as well. I really love Jesus, and I know He knows that, but I was nervous about loving Him in front of others. — I didn't know how to start, or how to find out what the other person's stance was on loving Jesus (without holding an interview with them before the date). While it was clearly explained in the Letters, I guess I needed to hear it again for it to get through to me.
Since the "Loving Jesus" revelation was published, I had not had what I considered a "Loving Jesus" date with a partner. I had made a few feeble efforts, but I was having a difficult time. I had hoped that perhaps I could begin with someone who was already comfortable with it, who could be supportive of my efforts, and I could basically lean on their faith until I got used to it. However, after praying about it, the Lord told me that He wanted me to make the effort myself, and not rely on anyone else's faith. I thought about it, I wanted to do it, but I hadn't taken the step ... yet. — Basically, I didn't know what to do, and I didn't want it to be a flop.
I had the blessing of going for a walk with Peter during the Summit, and I asked him for a few practical tips and how-to's communication-wise concerning loving Jesus with a partner. We talked about how to make someone feel comfortable, what to do on your first "Loving Jesus" date with someone, what to say, what the balance is between loving the Lord and loving your partner, etc.
He explained that it is important to have good communication at the very beginning, to ask if your partner is okay about saying love words to Jesus together. Of course, when you're first getting started, most people feel at least a little awkward, as it's something new and it's humbling, but if someone is very uncomfortable and would prefer not to do it, hen the loving thing is to wait on saying love words to Jesus with that person at that particular time. (But if you have regular dates with that person, you can check every once in a while — in a gentle loving way — to see if they've changed their mind. Sometimes people do change their minds after some time has passed and they've gotten used to the idea. You wouldn't want to pressure your partner, but neither would you want to go to the opposite extreme and never mention it again, in which case you might miss out on loving the Lord together just because the first time you addressed the subject one of you felt uncomfortable. Also, in the meantime, while you're waiting for your partner to feel more comfortable, you can say love words to Jesus silently in your heart while making love.)
When I asked Peter how and when to begin bringing the Lord into your date, he explained that just as in any date, you wouldn't just jump in bed and say "fuck me" to your partner; likewise you begin saying love words to Jesus slowly and naturally. During foreplay you bring the Lord into your loving by saying things like, "We love Your kisses, Jesus. You kiss so nice. Thank You for your gentle touches." Then, as you get more passionate and ardent and further along in your lovemaking, your words to Jesus can also become more ardent and intense.
Of course, if you're going to say love words to Jesus, it's good to also say some loving words to your partner, because, after all, you are having a date with that person as well. This is a big help for those who are normally silent in bed, because if you're saying things to Jesus, it's easier to say them to your partner as well. How much or how little you say or do is up to the individual, of course.
Peter said that sometimes it helps if you each take turns saying things to the Lord while the other is being a support and "working on" their partner. Or if one person is much shyer than the other, then the other person can say love words and the shy person can "amen" them, until he or she feels more comfortable initiating the love words themselves.
A few days later after I had been thinking about it, I asked someone who had impressed me as having a real strong love for the Lord, and who seemed quite mature if he would have a date with me. I think I could classify it as some of the best sex I've had, and most importantly, Jesus was there and that's what made it so wonderful. Taking that step made a world of difference!
Although I had read reactions about how loving Jesus had changed others' lives, I never imagined how true what they were saying was. My life took on a totally different aspect, a very deep love for Jesus and a hunger for Him and the Word, especially His direct Word — prophecy.
When you're in love with someone, there's never a bad time for them to come around and kiss you, and say hi. That's how it is for me with Jesus. There's never a bad time, so why not spend time with Him more often? It's not always sexual. Actually, quite a bit of it is just carrying on normal conversations, or telling Him (since He already knows) my deepest thoughts, secrets and feelings, asking Him for answers to some of the toughest questions I have on my heart, etc.
If you haven't tried it, you should. It's a wonderful gift. It's freedom and liberty in the spirit! It's awesome and I'm hooked!
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Copyright (c) 1997 by The Family