July 21, 2003
Special Summit '90 Issue
FSM 177
(FN 286) DO
Copyright: Sept. 1990
By Family Services, Zurich, Switzerland
Tips & Lessons on Giving & Receiving Correction!
Part One of a Two-Part Series
Introduction
1. Another major topic of discussion at the Summit '90 was how to give & receive correction. This is such an important subject because faithful, consistent, loving correction can be one of the keys to having happy & fruitful Homes & disciples. In our meetings we found that we are all "men of like passions" (Acts 14:15) & "there hath no temptation taken us but such as is common to Man," (1Cor.10:13) & that for all of us, correction has been a bit difficult to give & to take. So we have a lot to learn from each other & from the Word regarding this important leadership quality.
2. At the Summit '90 we (the leaders present) were able to share our lessons & personal experiences together, which helped us get a better understanding of how to give & receive correction. Also, with the many NWO Talks we had, we were able to observe Peter's loving sample of how to give correction. He really made it easy for us to be good, & during these NWO Talks, we were able to practice some of the tips we were learning about how to receive correction. So Lord helping us, in this FSM we will cover helpful tips & ideas that were generated at the Summit '90 meetings. We have also included ideas & testimonies that were contributed when the subject of correction was discussed at one of the WS Units. These ideas & suggestions are presented in point form. We pray that these lessons will be a blessing to you—as we all learn together that correction can be a blessing, not a burden!
3. However, before we proceed with the lessons from the Summit, we would first like to direct your attention to the sample of our dear Shepherds. Dad & Mama have been teaching us for years regarding the benefits of being corrected & how to lovingly administer correction to those in our care. As we're sure you'll agree, Dad & Mama are definitely the best samples of how to give firm discipline & loving correction. TTL, there are many precious lessons in the Word along these lines.—So we suggest that if you want to get a really complete, well-balanced run-down on all aspects of this subject, you might want to do a Word study. We have included a "Suggested Reading List" at the end of this FSM if you feel you need to brush up on this important subject.
4. Please keep in mind that even though you personally may not be in a leadership position like the ones in this FSM, as Dad & Mama have often said, we're ALL leaders & Shepherds. Perhaps you're a teacher, mother, or father, or steward over a certain ministry.—No matter how small or great—we ALL hold some sort of shepherding responsibility. Therefore, the lessons in this FSM can certainly apply to all of us. PTL!
Correction Can Be A Blessing!
5. For some of us, perhaps the word "correction" brings to mind a painful picture of chastening & breakings, or the somewhat undesirable & difficult work of having to point out others' mistakes to them.
6. Some of you may be thinking, "Well, I don't think correction is such a great thing. I remember the time that a leader raked me over the coals & it was so hard & so discouraging..." Or possibly if you are or have been a leader, you might look back at the times when you tried your best to lovingly correct someone, but it seemed to just take a lot of time & cause a lot of misunderstandings or frustration.
7. Well, thank the Lord we have made a lot of progress over recent years in learning how to give & receive correction, which makes it easier on everyone involved. And for those tough experiences of the past, it would do us all good to just claim Rom.8:28 & be thankful for all the lessons we learned, even if it was difficult. PTL!
8. Correction is synonymous with INSTRUCTION & leads to greater FRUITFULNESS, as you can see from the following verses:
9. "Take fast hold of instruction; let her not go: Keep her; for she is thy life."—Pro.4:13.
10. "For the commandment is a lamp; & the law is light; & REPROOFS OF INSTRUCTION are the WAY OF LIFE."—Pro.6:23.
11. "Give INSTRUCTION to a wise man, & he will be yet wiser; teach a just man, & he will increase in learning."—Pro.9:9.
12. "He that SPARETH his rod HATETH his son: but he that LOVETH him CHASTENETH him betimes."—Pro.13:24.
13. "Every branch in Me that beareth not fruit He taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, HE PURGETH IT, THAT IT MAY BRING FORTH MORE FRUIT."—Jn.15:2.
14. During the JLC (Japan Leadership Conference) in Japan, correction became a common word. Eventually correction was not feared by people any more, but became something they were more used to & felt comfortable with, as they realised it HELPED them.
15. In India, Paul P. read the Letter "Delinquent Parents" with the Shepherds there & just changed the wording to "Delinquent SHEPHERDS". He explained how the influence is much greater when a SHEPHERD is being delinquent, because you can raise a whole field to be spoiled brats.
16. In addressing the issue in this manner, they tried to thereby erase the negative concept of discipline & correction & capitalise on the verse, "Whom the Lord LOVETH He chasteneth." (Heb.12:6a) Therefore He loves you when He chastens you. Then everyone made the simple connection that, "Oh, I want this!"—Rather than, "I fear this."
17. Giving or receiving correction is like a muscle that you have to exercise until it becomes a fairly normal, regular & painless habit.
Why We Need to Correct Others!
18. CORRECTION IS TRAINING! Oftentimes people make mistakes because of a lack of training. People LEARN from correction. Most Family Members want to do things the RIGHT way. If they are doing something wrong & you correct them & show them the right way to do it, they will be happy & thankful as a result.
19. It's our responsibility as leaders & Shepherds to discipline & correct others, it's part of our job! There are many precious brethren who are bogged down with spiritual problems. It's our responsibility as Shepherds to do all we can to help loose them from these shackles. The picture of the true Shepherd is one who goes out & rescues the sheep from the brambles.
20. If we wish to continue to grow, then we must continue to be corrected, & if we wish for our flocks & fields to grow, then we must be willing to correct them.
21. Correction can be a chain reaction & those who receive correction can learn, grow, progress, get stronger & win more battles!
22. Most Family Members want to be free of their problems, but many people do not have the strength or determination to come up to their Shepherd & say, "I have a problem, please help me overcome it." Sometimes they may feel in their heart that they need help, but they don't know what to do about it, so it's up to you as the Shepherd to take the first step.
23. The Lord can use the catalyst of correction to help people gain MAJOR victories. Through correction, prayer & follow-up, people can get delivered from longstanding deep-seated spiritual problems.
24. Correction helps us stay on track. Most of us can easily get off track in weak areas of our lives if we don't have someone reminding us to stay on the "straight & narrow". It helps to have others remind us of our weaknesses & NWOs so we can avoid the same pitfalls again. "But EXHORT one another DAILY while it is called Today; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin."—Heb.3:13. "Therefore we ought to give the more earnest heed to the things which we have heard, lest at any time we should let them slip."—Heb.2:1.
25. In correcting others & sharing our own lessons along the same lines, we can save others from making the mistakes that we have made. "A WISE man learns from his own experience; a WISER man learns from the experience of OTHERS."
26. If YOU have received correction & training, & have grown & benefitted from it, you owe it to your followers to help them to be able to receive the SAME training & thereby also grow & develop into stronger disciples, Shepherds & leaders. "Freely ye have received, freely give!"—Mat.10:8b.
27. Your sheep & field will be happier if they are receiving regular correction. To not discipline your flock has the same effect as raising a spoiled child, & a spoiled child is an unhappy child.
28. A disciplined field will be a victorious one, & people are usually happier & more fulfilled when working in a victorious fruitful field. One example of this is the Philippines: At one time the Philippines was a very undisciplined field with undisciplined leadership. But after they got some good training & people were corrected & problems were confronted, the field began to produce like never before. People were happy & challenged & they grew to be much stronger. Many of those who partook of the discipline & training given in the Philippines went on to other areas as major pillars of the Work.
29. It is usually a FIGHT to instil discipline. It's a whole new way of looking at things & people have to forsake their independence. But the result is a happier & more fruitful life for the Lord.
30. As Mama said, "If our spirits are submissive we can take correction a lot easier because we won't fight against it, we'll yield & accept it & learn from it. This, of course, is what the Lord is trying to get us to do, to learn to submit, to be submissive to Him, so He has to put us through a lot of corrections to teach us submission.
31. "Correction is GOOD for us because it's practice in submission, it teaches us to yield! You don't just learn to submit overnight, it takes time, it takes breaking, it takes suffering, it takes surrender & yieldedness! Even Jesus learned obedience through the things that He suffered. (Heb.5:8) Our whole life for the Lord is learning to surrender to His Will in everything, & as we do, we grow CLOSER to the Lord! What does it mean when we say we've grown closer to the Lord? It means we've learned to obey Him better & to submit to His Will more. So correction is a necessary part of learning to submit, as it teaches us to submit not just to the Lord, but to others as well." (ML #1929:2)
How to Lovingly Correct & Train Others!
32. "Formula for discipline: Love never fails!
33. "By mercy & truth iniquity is purged."—Pro.16:6.
34. "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."—Prov.15:1.
Stay Calm, Be Loving!
35. You don't have to frown or scowl or raise your voice, or scream & yell to make your point, but you DO have to be loving, firm, straightforward, specific, clear & explain. You can accomplish this while smiling & being very sweet. When you are upset or frustrated with the person or another situation, this is NOT the time to correct someone!
36. Your spirit while giving the correction makes a big difference!—If it's not harsh & hard, but sweet, loving & personal, warm & intimate, it makes it much easier for the person you're talking with to receive what's being said.
37. Stay calm & straightforward, not upset! Sometimes in the case of serious, persistent problems you may need to be a little more forceful, but that should definitely be the EXCEPTION.—And that DOESN'T mean getting mad or raising your voice!
38. Remember that the person who is receiving the correction is very vulnerable at that moment. You have their heart in your hands, so handle it with care.
Share Your Own Lessons!
39. It's always a comfort if you can give examples of similar mistakes you've made & the lessons you've learned along the same lines. It doesn't bear good fruit if you come in on a big white horse stomping all over them like you are some kind of saint. Remember, you're a sinner just like them, you've made similar mistakes & you're there to HELP them through it! "For ALL have sinned & come short of the glory of God!"—Rom.3:23.
40. If you show sympathy & share the things you've been through also, then the person will understand that he's not being corrected because you despise him, but because you LOVE him & because the LORD loves him.
Be Clear & Honest!
41. Don't pull your punches, be open & honest. There can be a temptation to soft-pedal when giving correction, but if you go the extra mile & are completely open & honest, your sheep will really appreciate it.
42. Be clear. Try straight talk. Don't just drop hints as it may leave the person wondering what you're trying to tell them.
43. Most people appreciate it when you don't beat around the bush, but are straightforward & get to the point in a nice way.
44. Avoid generalities. It's best not to say, "You ALWAYS do this..." or, "You've ALWAYS had a problem with this", because it gives them a feeling that there's no hope.
45. It really helps if you can give EXAMPLES of the person's problem & explain how it's manifested & give different circumstances or illustrations of when it has come up. Of course, no one likes to have their faults pointed out so explicitly, so you definitely wouldn't want to do this in a condemning manner.
46. Giving examples helps the person see how their problem is affecting others & they will therefore be more willing to admit that they need to change. If the correction is too vague or nebulous, there's always that temptation to think, "Well, that's just what HE thinks."
Correct Consistently!
47. Consistency in correction is very important. If you're consistent, it shows love & concern. People really appreciate it if you don't "stack up all the points" over a long period of time & then give them a real "whammer" of a talk. If people get corrected every time they need it at the right time & on a consistent basis, they will feel that they're getting what they need & that you're concerned about them & you love them. Moreover, the corrections will be much smaller ones more often, than serious ones less often.
48. By being consistent, you make it easier for people to receive correction because they're accustomed to it & they know it's not something that they need to worry about.
49. When you've had a talk with someone about their NWOs, it's good to establish an understanding with them in advance that there is the possibility that this NWO may come up in the future as they continue to fight it. Help them understand that if they make mistakes along the same line, then you'll just give them a little reminder.—It won't be a big deal, just a little, consistent follow-up reminder saying something like: "Uh-oh, that NWO you have with being blunt in your speech & hurting people's feelings came up again..."
50. It's best not to let things build up.
51. Regular, on-the-spot, day-by-day correction is the most important kind of correction in the long run, because it nips problems in the bud before they turn into major problems.
52. If you need to correct someone, especially for a small offense or infraction, it's best to do so SHORTLY AFTER THEY'VE PULLED THE BOO-BOO. Don't wait too long.
53. In the Home there should be an understanding of, "Don't WORRY! If you make a mistake, we'll let you know!" This helps people NOT feel nervous or fearful, it has the exact opposite effect—it makes people feel very secure & relaxed, because they don't wonder in the back of their minds if they have been doing something wrong but nobody has talked to them about it. Knowing that correction is given on a regular basis whenever needed makes people feel more comfortable around their Shepherds.
54. If things are taken care of on a regular basis, you don't feel like someone is building up a case & all of your sins are being laid on the scales until finally you get one huge correction. Many LITTLE corrections are much easier to take, although occasionally we may NEED bigger ones. When it comes to having NWOS pointed out to us, or wrong ATTITUDES we have developed, a lengthier talk may be needed. However, regarding day-to-day blunders of the mind, on-the-spot correction is usually better.
Don't Exaggerate!
55. If it's just a minor offence or misdemeanor, don't drag out the correction. If it's a simple reminder or training type of correction, just explain it simply & briefly, don't go on & on.
56. Please remember that when a person is getting some major correction it can be easy for them to think, "EVERYTHING I've ever done is WRONG & my WHOLE LIFE is worthless!" So it's good to clarify, that by correcting someone, you don't mean his WHOLE LIFE has been a waste! Isolate the incidents you will be pointing out to them from the majority of the time that they've done very well, etc. You can explain something like: "This is only a small part of this whole big picture of your service for the Lord, & it's only THIS LITTLE PART that we're going to talk about."
The Personal Touch
57. You should strive to have good open relationships with people so that when you need to correct them it will be easier, because your communication while giving the correction will be an EXTENSION of the relationship you have already established. Building a relationship with your flock is a day-by-day thing, & it's not good if the ONLY time you spend with someone is when you're correcting them.
58. To enable you to talk with someone on a personal basis, there has to be a certain amount of trust, communication & rapport built up. To get this, you have to have something INVESTED in the relationship: Time spent discussing your work together or sharing lessons, time spent working on projects together, fellowship time etc.
59. It's generally easier for people to receive correction from someone whom they know & feel close to. In big Schools or Combos that have several Shepherds, it is likely that people may feel closer to one particular Shepherd—maybe the Shepherd that they have more contact with or who oversees their department. If this is the case, it might make it easier for people to be good if you have the leader whom they are close to deliver the correction.
60. Sharing correction on a "friend-to-friend" basis is very easy to receive. Try to make your time of giving correction personal & intimate. Even the place where you choose to talk can make a difference. Try to find a peaceful, pleasant atmosphere where it will be easy to receive, perhaps even going for a walk.
61. It is often helpful to deliver correction in an INFORMAL situation. While you are out on a walk or travelling somewhere together, you can simply say, "By the way..." The person might not be expecting it, but most of us would probably agree that that's a whole lot easier to take than feeling that "heavy spirit" around the house & seeing all the leaders gravitating towards one room, & then having someone come up & tap you on the shoulder & ask you to go to that room. In such a case, your defenses are already up & you're probably not in a very receptive frame of mind. So informal settings are usually preferable, unless it's the exception & a more formal group session of more serious correction is necessary to get through to someone.
62. We need to get away from the idea of sitting the person in a chair in front of a line of leaders so that they feel like they're on the firing squad.
63. When giving correction, let the person FEEL your tenderness. It's comforting if you TOUCH the person. If they cry, give them tissues, put your arm around them, hold their hand, etc. If you're having to give correction to a close co-worker of the opposite sex, you might want to talk during one of your love-ups, at which time you can really cuddle them & comfort them. But, of course, all correction doesn't have to or can't always be THAT intimate, but touching in whatever way possible brings warmth & tenderness into the correction.
64. If someone is getting a lot of correction & learning lessons over a period of a few days or weeks, it makes it much easier for them if you stay in touch with them. For example, if they are doing reactions on a reading list & sharing a lot from their heart, it's helpful if you comment on their reactions as soon as possible. If someone is sharing lessons & sometimes very personal confessions, it is very important that you make yourself available to comment on what they wrote & offer any further help or counsel, or just a listening ear & encouragement. One of the goals of reactions & lesson sharing is to establish a good, strong link of communication so you can help see them through to the victory.
But if you don't have time for a long talk right away, it's very helpful if you at least say SOMETHING simple like, "Thanks for all you wrote, we can get together later & discuss it, but please don't worry." (Or you can jot this type of NOTE at the bottom of their reaction or OHR.) At least then the people know you still love them & it gives them the faith to keep reacting, being honest & pouring out their hearts! Please be careful, however, that you don't put off getting back to the person about their lessons or reactions for too long, as it may cause them UNDUE WORRY & CONCERN. This communication is a two-way street & if the person begins to feel that his Shepherd is actually too busy for him, he could loose faith to communicate intimately & the vital personal link could be lost.
Try a Little Tenderness!
65. From a WS Shepherdess: What seems to be quite productive when correcting someone or when having a talk to someone about their NWOs is to help them "see the lightning without feeling the bolt". When Peter has corrected me & disciplined me, his mannerism & delivery have been such that there was no question about the "lightning"—the message—it was obvious & clear, but he got his points across without my feeling a big BOLT (or JOLT!). And he has always delivered the correction I needed in such a way that it made me WANT to change. Always when the correction was all over, he would pray a very encouraging prayer that was like a healing balm.
66. Excerpts from a tape of correction from Peter to a WS Shepherdess, the closing prayer: "Rebuke the Enemy from hindering her & condemning her for this or making her look inward. Instead, Lord, we ask that You help her to look upward & to remember that the Lord will perfect that which concerneth her. That no matter WHAT our sins are, You FORGIVE us, You set our sins so far behind, Lord. `As far as the East is from the West, so far have You separated our sins from us.'
67. "So Lord, we just ask that You touch her & help her & strengthen her & help her to know we love & trust her. Having to correct her does not degrade her in our eyes in any way. Actually it even raises her up more because we know it will take real humility for her to have to share these lessons with others & to ask for prayer, but she HAS that humility, Jesus, because You've made her so wonderful. Please bless her & strengthen her & help her, in Jesus' name. Amen.
68. "I love you, Sweetheart, & we're praying for you. I wish I was there just to hold you in my arms & stroke your beautiful hair & your face & kiss away your tears. I love you, you're so sweet & so wonderful. God bless you!"
69. Dad says, "I frequently scold & apply the rod, & I always add the healing balm or healing ointment AFTERWARDS. I try to soothe & ENCOURAGE & COMFORT after I have applied the rod. I try to give them some HOPE that there is hope of RECOVERY & hope of REDEEMING themselves & hope of making a COMEBACK, showing my FAITH in them & the Lord that there is the possibility of RESTORATION.—Amen? Do YOU?"—ML #530:64.
70. It's important to separate the ISSUE from the PERSON. It's the principle of "Hate the sin, but love the sinner." When you work on people's NWOs you're trying to help them, so try to help them see that you're working TOGETHER, WITH them, towards the same goal, which is to help them overcome their problem. You're not working against them personally, & it's not that you have an ought against them or you don't like their personality.
71. It's important that people understand that you're not "mad" at them. The problem may be their fault to a certain extent, but we're all men of like passions, we all have weaknesses & we all need help.
72. It's good to give the one being corrected an encouraging pat on the arm or leg, & to express with your words that you & the Lord love them & that everything is going to be OK, that "all things work together for good". Encouraging touches or comments go a long way at times like this.
Show Faith that the Person Can Change!
73. Usually people open up more to someone who they know has faith for them. If you can PUT INTO WORDS that you have faith for the person you're correcting & you know that they will pull through, it can really help them. To know that somebody has faith in you helps you over the hump. It gives people a boost if they know that you are EXPECTING them to be able to make it & to change.
74. Along with pointing out the areas where a person MISSED the mark, it's good to also (& perhaps FIRST) point out the ways he's GROWN & PROGRESSED, because that gives him the faith that he's going to be able to climb this NEXT mountain & that the Lord is going to perfect that which concerneth him.
75. It is much easier for people to receive correction if they don't feel like they risk losing their job or being sent to Siberia" each time they make a mistake.
76. In the past it seemed that people feared correction because quite often along with the correction came a demotion or humiliation of some kind. This can be quite nerve-wracking & even scary. If people are being trained & they are not INTENTIONALLY making mistakes, they should be able to receive correction without fearing that they're going to be "fired". You should make this clear to them.
77. On the other hand, in the case of REPEATED correction & when a person REFUSES to yield or change, then demotion or some form of punishment must be administered.
78. It's very encouraging to the person who receives correction, especially if he made a serious mistake, if he is allowed to try again. Being trusted to try again is like the spoonful of honey that helps the medicine go down.
79. A good illustration of this principle can be found in the Good Thots, the story about Thomas Edison. "He had finally produced a perfect light bulb—the result of hundreds of trials. He was full of delight. He handed it to his assistant, Jimmy, to carry upstairs. Then suddenly there was a crash & Edison turned to see his precious bulb lying in fragments on the floor. Jimmy had let it slip through his fingers!
80. "Edison went back to his work bench & set to work once more to make another bulb. When it was finally complete he then did a big thing—as a sign that he had forgiven his apprentice for breaking the first bulb, with a smile he handed the new bulb to Jimmy. `Careful now,' he said. He was giving the boy another chance." (GT, pg. 1286, #287)
81. Likewise with those people in your care who make mistakes & who you have to correct, if you let them "carry the light bulb" again, it can make all the difference in the world for them.
82. Some people, the minute somebody makes a mistake, they tend to forget their good record & all the good they've done in the past. It's easy to catch someone in one thing & forget all his past loyalty & his past faithfulness & rake him over the coals or toss him out or something instead of being a little patient & more forgiving. Brethren, this ought not so to be!
Forgive & Forget!
83. Once you've delivered the needed correction, it's very important to practice the "forgiven & forgotten" principle. After you give the correction, followed by a hug & prayer, it should be ALL OVER. Definitely avoid giving anyone the "cold shoulder"! Of course there may be some follow-up reactions you'll want to comment on, or they may have some reading assignments to do, but the person should feel the same love & attention from you as before he had the problem.
84. Keep past mistakes in the past. Being constantly reminded of your mistakes can make you feel like you have a "prison record" & there is no hope of pardon or parole.
85. In most cases, avoid bringing up as "ammunition", mistakes people made in the distant past, unless it's necessary in the case of correcting a recurring, long-standing problem.
Testimonies of Correction from Ws Staff Members
86. Being nice to the person afterward does not just mean hugging them when you finish giving the correction, but it means showing love & acting natural when you meet them afterwards, say when you're walking through the house or yard.
87. The thing that amazed me about the times I got corrected by Dad was that the next day he was still as loving as ever, & it was forgotten in his mind. It wasn't that I had changed so much in only one day, it was that Dad had put it in the past. I felt forgiven & I knew he wasn't holding anything against me.
88. A major breakthrough for me in receiving correction was when I realised that my sins would not be held against me. They're not written down in some big "Black Book" to be held against me at some time in the future.
89. When I was living with the Folks I had an experience that was a complete life-changer. I had to get some correction & afterwards I thought I was going to be sent away, I felt I was no good any more. To me, the mistake I had made was monumental!
90. The next day Mama asked me how I was doing & how I was feeling after the correction, & I said, "Well, it's a battle, but I'm getting there & I'm thankful for it." She said, "One thing you can be sure of, with us it's like the Lord, we remember your sins no more." I felt a great relief that overwhelmed me from that point on.
91. Before, when I had gotten correction, perhaps it was my Catholic upbringing, I always felt like I had this load on my shoulders. It was like I was carrying the load of my past sins, like I had a load of rocks on my back.
92. But what Mama said is really true! I can remember many times when I blew it & made mistakes & I heard about it from Dad. Soon after, Dad had "forgotten" & he never brought it up again, it was as though it had never happened. When you realise that the Lord really does love you & you're forgiven, then correction is a wonderful thing!
93. Knowing that the person who is correcting you is concerned about you & even sorry for you makes a big difference.—If after it's all over, if you know that they could cry & sympathise with you & feel sorry with you.
94. One main factor that can make the difference between loving & unloving correction is when you know the old adage is true: "This hurts me more than it hurts you."— When you know the other person doesn't want to do it, they're not enjoying it, but they're just doing it because they LOVE you or they're doing it for the Lord's sake or the Work's sake.—Just like a parent doesn't enjoy spanking a young child.
95. It makes it easier to take it too, because you feel it's enough of a burden for that person to be correcting you in the first place, so you don't want to make it HARDER by griping & firing back. You know they feel for you & you know they're doing it in love, & not because they like to, or to boost their ego & show their authority over you.
96. The times when I've had Dad or Mama or Peter correct me, I knew they didn't LIKE doing it. It broke my heart because I knew they would rather keep things pleasant & friendly & happy, but when you've done things wrong, they love you enough to give it to you. It breaks your heart because you know it hurts them.
97. One incident which comes to my mind was when I got a serious correction at the time I was living in a threesome, & basically everything was going down the tubes. And then BAM!—The judgement of the King came direct in a handwritten note. I was totally devastated! And when I had it together enough to write Dad an apology, I said, "All I can say is, like David of old, I have sinned against the Lord." And Dad wrote me back a note on the bottom of my apology & he said, "GBY, we all make mistakes."
98. It just made me cry. Instead of him saying something like, "Yes, you creep, look what you've done to your wife & look at all the trouble you caused the Work & me!" he said, "We all make 'em" & he went on to say something like, "Thank you for putting up with ME & all of MY mistakes!" And it so touched my heart. I knew I was completely forgiven!—And not only forgiven, but I knew he felt sorry for me & he related to me & even put himself on my level & THANKED me for being merciful to him.
99. Mama said, "Even if your sins are red like scarlet, the Lord will wash them clean & white as snow. The more I think about it, the more I realise that the LORD has let me be this way so I can have MERCY on people. Instead of getting critical of people who aren't so smart, I can always say, `I understand, because I'm not so smart myself!' It's a lot harder to have mercy on people & be uncritical of them & be patient with them if you're so good yourself or you're so smart yourself or if you do so good in every area! I guess that's why the Lord let me be pretty weak & even sinful in ways like jealousy & pride & selfishness, & sort of slow & dumb so that I'd remember that I'm just like everyone else & I'd have mercy on THEM." (DB2, pg.549, par.4)
Be Prayed Up & Well Prepared
100. Don't correct people off the top of your head! People will be more receptive to your correction if they know it's not an impulsive "outburst". Make sure you get the Lord's mind on it & make sure that what you're sharing is what the LORD wants. Pray about it & let the Lord do it.
101. It helps to pray & discuss with your Teamworkers what you're going to share with a person in order to get their suggestions & feedback. Together, you can determine what is most important & what is less important. This way you can avoid emphasising or spending too much time on minor issues that aren't that important, & also agree on the sweetest & easiest way in which to get across the point to the person to whom you'll be speaking.
102. There might be something about the person or situation that can really "get under your skin". But it's very important that you don't let that cloud your judgement or influence what you share with them. If something is bugging you, then you might need to "blow off steam" & get it off your chest when talking with one of your CO-SHEPHERDS, NOT when you're talking to the person you're correcting. If you don't think you'll be able to contain yourself & you're afraid you might get angry, then it's better to let someone else handle the situation.
103. It's good to counsel in advance with your Teamwork & come to a united decision about what disciplinary measures, if any, you need to lay down. Agreeing together helps the person speaking to have conviction to deliver the needed message.
104. It helps to write down the points you need to cover. Then you can talk from your heart, having prepared & prayed up in advance. Writing points down also helps you to clarify your thoughts, so you don't get mixed up & come across in a confused fashion. You can also refer to your notes to make sure you have covered all of the points & have not forgotten something important.
105. Sometimes people are very good at covering their trails & hiding their problems & can act "good" around you, but still you sense that something is wrong. As a spiritual doctor you need to go ahead & probe in what seems to be a sensitive area in their life. If your probing causes a reaction, then you'll be better able to expose the problem, bring it out in the open & help the person.
106. Along the same lines, if you aren't sure if someone has a particular problem but the Lord has given you some check or indication, you could consider asking them a series of pointed questions to answer or react on. Sometimes this can be done on tape or on paper, rather than in a face-to-face conversation. You thereby give the person a chance to pray & search their heart & allow the Lord to work on their hearts in advance before you actually sit down & counsel them.
107. There can be a tendency to "beef up" your correction with heavy verses & quotes, which lends huge weight to what you're saying. For example, say you're going to talk to someone or give your Home some united correction & you think, "Well, I'll just do a little Word study on the subject beforehand."—But if you don't choose a WELL-BALANCED, prayerful selection of Letters, there can be the tendency to get "riled up" & just lay into them with lots of heavy verses & quotes. If you want to use the Word to back up your correction, you must RIGHTLY divide the Word & make sure you're delivering it in the right spirit.
108. If you are going to be discussing a major problem with someone, please allow the necessary time. Don't go in & say, "I've got to go in 10 minutes, but here is your correction—WHAMMY!" Likewise, it's not good to give the impression of, "I've got to get this over with because I've got something MORE IMPORTANT to do." Judge how much time is appropriate for the seriousness of the offence or the depth of the conversation you plan to have, & allow yourself enough time for it. Also make sure you will not be frequently interrupted or have people walking in or out of the room.
109. Remember, if a person is getting corrected for a serious problem, he may feel like his whole life is passing before him, so it's more loving if you realise this & try to give your meeting with him the same priority.
Who Should Deliver the Correction?
110. Correction, given on a one-on-one basis, may make it easier on the person who is being corrected, since most people feel a little more intimidated if two or three people are correcting them.
111. In most instances, however, it is necessary to have others present while you correct someone, either for their training or when it's a more serious situation.—But, if it's a little thing or a first-time offence, then you can do it alone to make it easier for the person you're correcting.
112. If you are going to talk with someone about a SERIOUS problem, as much as possible, you SHOULD have one (or more) of your co-workers with you. They can be witnesses & they can also be praying for you & the other person while you're talking. Also, they may have some points to contribute to the conversation, which will give you a chance to pray & regroup your thoughts.
113. Please keep in mind, however, that even when giving serious correction, there may be some cases that the person might not open up with more people around, especially if it is something extremely embarrassing or very personal. He might get so worried about what the other people are thinking that he might miss the whole point of the talk. So there may be exceptions to having others present in such meetings, but these should be the exception.
114. Another exception might be when the Lord works it out that you are alone with someone & He opens the door for you to be able to talk with them. In such a case, if the Lord has provided a golden opportunity for you, you should probably go ahead & talk with the person. If needed, once you have been able to discuss the problem with the person privately, you can bring the situation before others so that he can have group prayer.
115. If your under-shepherds are with you when you are correcting others, you will be multiplying your efforts in that you are also training others.
116. If you are visiting a Home & you need to give someone some major correction, having someone else like the Home Shepherds (or local Area Shepherds) there while you talk to the person will enable them to do the necessary & important follow-up work after you've gone. If the under-shepherds are present during the counselling session, then it eliminates any confusion about what was said.
117. If you need to share some major correction with a member of a Teamwork, it would be good to have the other members of the Teamwork present, because then everyone is aware of the situation & what is expected. Also, if they have the same weakness, they can learn from the other person's correction.
Loving Tips for During the Counselling Session!
118. When giving correction, remember Gal.6:1: "Ye which are spiritual restore such a one in a SPIRIT OF MEEKNESS, CONSIDERING THYSELF lest thou also be tempted." Remember that you have your faults & NWOs too, & that if it were you sitting in that chair you would want to be corrected as lovingly as possible, "considering thyself".
119. The importance of listening cannot be emphasised enough! Giving correction to someone should not just be a one-way discussion. Don't try to present too much to the person all at once, without pausing to let them digest & it get feedback from them. It really helps people pour out their hearts if they feel their leader is willing to listen. This encourages the person to come out of himself & air his feelings.
120. When talking to someone about their NWOs or points that they feel very badly about, when they have something they want to say, it's good as a Shepherd to listen to them, not interrupt them & give them a chance to pour their heart out & then you can continue your correction, done in a loving way. In other words, the leader does not have to do all the talking.
121. Being a good listener will mean a lot to the person you are talking to.
122. If something is not a major correction, don't go overboard "buttering the person up" and using the "powder puff" approach. This can give the person you're correcting the impression that you think they're so weak or so sensitive that they can't even receive the slightest little correction without lots of padding. Or, after such a big build-up, followed by a minor correction, the person may think, "Is THAT all it was? Surely there must be something ELSE more serious that they're just not telling me?"
123. If you have to give a MAJOR correction, then you would want to go slower & give LOTS of encouragement, but if it's just a little thing you can be more matter-of-fact without taking a lot of time.
124. It helps if you point out from the beginning if what you're going to talk about is just a LITTLE THING. It really helps the person keep things in proper perspective & receive the correction & not to "hit the skids", if you can say something like, "This is just a correction on this area of your life. Take it for that & work on it, but don't let it become any bigger than what it is.—Don't let the Devil lie to you & exaggerate it!"
125. An important ingredient of correction is to show that you understand the other person's point of view. People usually always have what they consider a good reason for what they do, & if you give them a chance to explain & you genuinely try to understand them, it will make it easier for them to receive what you have to say. It reassures the person & helps him relax his defenses.
126. After the person has a chance to explain his point of view, you could say something like, "Well I can understand how you could choose to look at it like that, but another way to look at it is like this." You can then try to shine another light on the situation from another angle.
127. Chances are, if you're having to correct someone who is having serious problems, you may get a very unwelcome response at first. If this happens, don't stop; lovingly pursue until you get results.
128. Don't talk in a condescending manner. This naturally offends people & makes it hard to receive what you're saying.
129. Avoid comparing. It's oftentimes hard for anyone to receive correction if you bring up examples of somebody ELSE who is doing better than they are.
130. One thing that's very important is a good sense of humour in the person who is giving the correction. If you can tell a meaningful joke it really relieves the tension & helps the person who's being corrected know everything's okay. A sense of humour helps him to relax.
131. When talking with someone, ask if you're coming across clearly & if you're being understood. Ask if you're going slowly enough. Let the person know he can ask questions & give him the freedom to stop you & ask something like, "When you were talking about the way I handled such-&-such, I wasn't exactly sure. Did you mean I did this wrong or what? I wasn't quite sure about that point."
132. When people make mistakes & need to be corrected, it helps if you can show them some practical tips on how to avoid making the same mistake again.
133. It's good to adapt your style according to the need & the person you're talking to. In talking with someone who is honest & forthcoming about their NWOs, often they will voluntarily share their hearts once you get them started. However, with people who are not so open, you might need to probe & ask questions.
134. When you're in a meeting, it's good to have tissues handy in case the person you're talking to starts to cry. Sometimes they don't even ask for a tissue because they're so involved in what's being said, so it's good to pass the box to them.
135. Even though you're in the middle of your discussion, if you feel you need extra help or you feel you're not getting through or you feel that the other person is having a real big trial about it, it's sometimes good to just stop & pray & ask the Lord to help.
136. When you're talking to someone, you may have planned out what you're going to say & basically how your correction is going to unfold. But, as we've discussed earlier, your talk will likely be a two-way conversation, & as the person pours out his heart, you may find out a new factor in the equation that you weren't aware of.
137. If this is the case, you might need to CHANGE your points of presentation & the way you were going to correct him if his point is TRULY valid & not just an excuse.
138. Remember your countenance also means a lot to the person. If you're scowling or frowning or don't have much eye contact or your language is very strong (or if you cuss—God forbid), all this can have quite an adverse effect on the person you're talking to. We teach people who RECEIVE correction to do so cheerfully, so it's good to occasionally smile when you DELIVER correction too!—Be positive & upbeat!
139. Don't forget, sometimes it's good to soften the blow. The blow is going to come, but it doesn't hurt to soften it sometimes.
How to Close the Counselling Session!
140. When your time of talking & correction comes to a close, it is very important to PRAY TOGETHER & commit the situation to the Lord. Also, if you receive any verses for the person, it can be tremendously encouraging because it gives them something to hang on to.
141. Usually while talking to someone the Lord will remind you of some good Letters that the person can read. "Failure! A Victory from Defeat" (ML#1928), "You've Got the Victory, Don't Give It Up!" (ML#1925), & "The Benefits of Backsliding!" (ML#312) are always very encouraging & strengthening Letters to read after being corrected.
Wrong Attitudes that Can Hinder Your Giving Needed Correction!
142. There are many reasons why we as leaders & Shepherds HESITATE to correct others or sometimes even AVOID IT altogether. These attitudes can hinder not only SHEPHERDS from correcting those in their Home, but PARENTS from consistently disciplining their children, TEACHERS from effectively controlling their class of students etc.
143. Below we have listed some of the most commonly used excuses or justifications for not correcting someone. Maybe some of the following points will sound familiar to you. If so, we hope this will help you go on the attack & gain greater victories in giving faithful, consistent correction.
144. You might think, "I'VE come so short of the mark myself in so many areas, when I have to discipline people the Enemy is always there to tell me, `You're such a hypocrite.' Or sometimes even the people that I try to correct remind me that I also have problems in these areas."
145. The answer to this is that you must have the CONVICTION that even if you have the same problem, that it's still a problem that needs to be corrected in others.
146. Mama says: "The thing to remember is that for those of us who have problems, it shouldn't stop us from trying to correct the same problem in others, you still have to do that regardless of whether you're a mess yourself! It's like with parents who smoke in the System, they still have an obligation to teach their children that it's bad & tell them what it's going to do to them. It's not going to be as powerful a message, because it WILL seem somewhat hypocritical, but maybe the children can get the point from the way their parents are coughing their insides out! You have a duty to warn them of the error of their ways even if you're doing the same thing. Granted, it MAY not have as much of an effect, but it will have some, especially if your kids see what a problem it's caused YOU! Even if YOU fail, the WORD never fails & the TRUTH is still the Truth & it is your duty to give it & to preach it." (DB2, page 551)
147. See Ezekiel 3:17-19.—There's nothing in those verses that says you need to be PERFECT in order to warn people of the errors of their way. It's your duty to give them the Truth, the correction they need, no matter what. That's your job as a Shepherd.
148. You might be tempted to fear: "THEY MIGHT BACKSLIDE IF WE CONFRONT THEM FIRMLY & STRONGLY." Yes, there is the possibility that if you strongly correct someone who has serious spiritual problems & they do not receive it, they could backslide. But you also have to consider that there may be an even GREATER chance that if you DON'T confront them & try to help them, they will backslide anyway & possibly cause GREATER problems & greater damage to the Work in the meantime.
149. Magdalene said about Dad, "I really ADMIRE Dad for socking it to me when I needed it (See ML#'s 1739-40 & 1747-49 in GN BK20), because he knew that I could have backslidden right there from his own house."
150. There may come a time when you have to confront some rotten apple teens. Of course there is the possibility that some of them won't receive the correction & won't make it. But the ones that DO take the correction will really blossom & change. "Every branch in Me that BEARETH NOT FRUIT HE TAKETH AWAY."—But the second part of that verse goes on to say, "And every branch that BEARETH FRUIT, HE PURGETH IT, that it may bring forth MORE fruit." (Jn.15:2)
151. Another common reason people procrastinate in giving discipline is in thinking: "I DON'T HAVE ALL THE FACTS YET, SO I'LL WAIT UNTIL I DO TO MAKE SURE I'M RIGHT." If you wait too long while you gather more examples about how the person's problem manifests itself, you run the risk that the extra time will allow the problem to grow much worse.
152. Of course, there's a balance to this point, but it's usually better to confront problems while they are small, rather than making THE MISTAKE OF WAITING TOO LONG. It's much harder for people to receive correction & change if they've gone on & on in their wayward behaviour.
153. So even though you may run the risk of not having all the facts & figures just exactly right, in most cases it's better to forge ahead & correct the problem when it is small rather than to let it grow while you try to collect more & more "evidence".
154. Even if you don't have the opportunity to have lots of examples & every detail perfectly right, you can still deliver the correction, as Mama says in the Letter, "Taking Correction—Don't Justify Yourself". (ML#1930)
155. If you aren't absolutely certain of some of your "evidence" or "facts" & you don't want to risk accusing the person falsely, if you don't know for a certainty that you're right, perhaps you should phrase it something like, "It seems to us that..." or, "I have the feeling that..." or, "It looks like you may be..."
156. You might be tempted to think: "Just when I'm getting ready to correct the person, they suddenly seem to be doing so much better! So maybe I was wrong about it." As Dad has said, this is one of the Devil's favourite tricks! When he knows he's about to be exposed he will often be on his best behaviour because he wants to be able to stay around & cause more problems & be able to poison more people & do more damage subtly.
157. You have to look at their overall behaviour. If someone has been having a problem for weeks or months & then as soon as you decide to talk to them again & possibly give them an ultimatum or some discipline, they suddenly act as "good as gold", that doesn't mean that they have necessarily gotten a big victory. In most cases, you should still go ahead & talk with them.
158. It is easy to think: "But he's a very valuable worker & we don't want to get him upset or precipitate a crisis as it may hinder or slow down the Work." We've all recently read about one such example of how this happened with the Video Ministry.—You've all read Watchman's testimony in FSM #151. In his case, his Shepherds were afraid to lose him because he was such a specialist & expert in his field, & he was "desperately needed" in the Video Ministry. As a result, his Shepherds tip-toed around him & excused his shortcomings & weaknesses. They were afraid that he was SO WEAK that he could backslide if they confronted him & exposed his sins.
159. But in reality, he was already on his way to backsliding by getting spiritually weakened more & more every day due to his undisciplined life. Deep down inside he WANTED the correction, & when he was finally GIVEN the correction that he needed, he was very thankful & he really changed!
160. We have to remind ourselves continually that NO ONE is indispensable in this Work, & the Lord & Dad have never hesitated to correct someone regardless of their position of leadership or responsibility if their spiritual problems needed correcting.
161. You can be OVERLY OPTIMISTIC & think: "Well, their INTENTIONS were good." Having this attitude can sometimes prevent you from seeing how serious a situation may be, in which case you won't have the SENSE OF URGENCY to correct the problem. If you tend to be overly optimistic & procrastinate, it helps to have someone else on your Teamwork who is more inclined to take care of things as soon as they come up. Hopefully this will help you have a better balance if they can PROD YOU to give the correction that is needed.
162. Have you sometimes thought?: "Correction is a lot of work & I'm so busy! I don't want to get involved with it." When you need to correct someone who has quite a serious problem, it is true that it may precipitate a crisis & it may involve considerable follow-up work, further meetings, praying about ML reading lists for the person, reading their Open Heart Reports (OHRs) etc. to make sure the person really gets the point & changes & fully recovers. It is an effort & it does take time, but it is an INVESTMENT in the future.
163. It's easy to FEEL INSECURE IN YOURSELF & think: "Who am I to share this correction?" Sometimes we are hindered in talking to others because we compare ourselves with others.—We feel that we're not as strong of a personality or as good a leader or as charismatic etc. as someone else.
164. You WANT EVERYONE TO LIKE YOU & you're thinking: "I used to be part of the Chain leadership in the old days & I don't want people to think I'm STILL that way." Or perhaps you don't want to be too hard on people because you don't want people to feel negatively towards you, you want them to like you. We all have to fight those temptations & thoughts & realise that it is basically MAN-PLEASING, seeking the praise of Man rather than the praise of God. "Rebuke a wise man, & he will love thee."—Pro.9:8. "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."—Pro.27:6.
165. People will admire & respect the Shepherds who faithfully & lovingly take the time to correct them, rather than someone who just wants to be their friend & be buddy-buddy with them.
166. A common excuse is: "I'M JUST NOT VERY GOOD AT CORRECTING PEOPLE." Perhaps this is true, but through prayer, studying the Letters, watching others & personal experience, you can LEARN to be good at it.—You need to learn to correct others if you're going to be a good Shepherd.
167. On the other hand, maybe you ARE good at correcting people, but the Devil may be telling you that you're not. Pray about it & discuss it with your Teamwork. Determine if it's just lies or if it's the truth—that way you will be able to claim the victory over the LIES of the Enemy, or you can go on the attack to learn more about the proper way to correct others & work on it.
168. A very common excuse for not correcting is: "Maybe it's not the RIGHT TIME to correct them." The "right" time to correct people is usually when the Lord checks you about a problem. It is usually best to pray & counsel with your Teamworkers, & then if He shows you that you do need to talk to the person, don't delay.
169. As Dad said, "DELAYED obedience can become DISOBEDIENCE." And he says, "When you silence the voice of conviction, pretty soon you don't hear it any more & you become guilty with them yourselves." (See ML#66:30b.)
170. "Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil."—Ecc.8:11. If the Lord shows you the problem, it's probably because He wants you to DO something about it.
171. There is the tendency to worry about: "WHAT IF I'M WRONG?" Well, if you're sincerely PRAYERFUL & SPIRIT-LED & have COUNSELLED with your Teamworkers & others involved, then usually the Lord won't allow you to make any serious mistakes along that line. He will use the correction to bring about the peaceable fruit of righteousness, regardless of whether or not every single point you bring out is 100% accurate.
172. If you are somewhat wrong on little details here & there, then perhaps it's a bit like the illustration Dad gave of the traffic cop who told Mother Eve, "Even if you didn't run the red light this time, this ticket is for all the OTHER times you did it & DIDN'T get caught." You can explain that if the shoe doesn't fit now, then perhaps they can put it into the closet & save it, as it may fit later!
Some Common Pitfalls to Avoid
173. Sometimes we COMPROMISE or hold back, & therefore our correction does not bear the good fruit that it could. "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."—Pro.13:24.
174. PROCRASTINATION doesn't make correction easier or more fruitful. It's easy to think, "Let's wait & see if it gets better. Maybe the problem will go away." What usually happens is the problem DOESN'T go away, the problem gets WORSE, but you tend to LOSE YOUR CONVICTION about it, get used to it & accept it. What started out as being a small matter which would have only taken a little bit of time & effort to correct, if left unchecked can become a major issue which will precipitate a more serious crisis in the long run.
175. We can tend to procrastinate while using the excuse that we need more "evidence" or we need to be more convinced of the problem. Sometimes it's best to go ahead by faith.
176. Along the same lines, you might try to PACIFY A PROBLEM PERSON, basically trying to keep him happy & hoping that you can "contain" the problem. This can cultivate the feeling that the person has his leadership "over a barrel", because he knows that they're compromising their convictions. People tend to lose respect for their Shepherds if they see them compromising their convictions.
177. BEATING AROUND THE BUSH is a common mistake made when giving correction.—That is, watering down the point & softening the blow & padding it with too MANY illustrations & personal confessions, so that the MAIN POINT gets lost in the padding! This can be very CONFUSING for the listener & they may even miss the point entirely. They might feel that you're simply making a confession & that YOU have the problem.
178. Also, beating around the bush can make people FEARFUL or apprehensive. They can think that you're not being honest with them, so therefore either the problem is very serious or you don't trust that they'll receive the correction & change.
179. There is a tendency to try to SHARE THE CORRECTION INDIRECTLY, by just sharing a lesson you learned along the same lines or a similar mistake you've made & just HOPING that the person you're trying to correct will simply get the point. The problem with this approach is that unless they are quite perceptive or sensitive, they usually WON'T get the point, or at least not in its entirety, because you didn't make it clear.
180. Another way of indirectly trying to correct others is to drop hints & hope they catch the point. Well, hints are not always that effective if the person isn't already basically aware of his weakness, or the mistake he's making. Also, hints are not effective if the person is not very sensitive to gentle correction—which many of us aren't. As Dad has said, "A word to the wise is sufficient, but with MOST of us we need to be SPECIFIC & use a lot more words!"
181. Avoid FAVOURITISM. If you show partiality to those you're close to & let THEM get away with things, then your effectiveness in correcting others will be lost as they'll be confused as to why you're correcting them & not your "pets".
182. INCONSISTENT CORRECTION is perhaps the WORST form of correction. To closely correct people sometimes & then at other times when they need correction, to allow them to go quite awhile without correcting their mistakes, breeds insecurity in your flock as they lack that firm assurance that you will help them stay on the right track. It causes them to not have the stability they could have if you would consistently correct them every time something comes up. It's a real crime for us as Shepherds to be inconsistent in our discipline.
183. When you see someone make a mistake, it's easy to say, "IT'S NOT REALLY HIS FAULT, I'M THE ONE TO BLAME." Sometimes this may be true, especially if you haven't been training or overseeing your flock as you should have been, in which case maybe some of their problems ARE your fault. Nevertheless, you still need to correct them. Unless a person is corrected for his mistakes, he cannot grow & learn lessons & do better. In too generously taking the blame YOURSELF, you can be hindering the person's spiritual growth & progress.
184. (LISA:) My weakness is that I'm not clear & specific enough in my talking to people. I also believe at times I talk too much, sharing too many lessons & thereby making the MAIN points unclear.
185. Another weakness I have along these lines is taking too much of the blame upon myself. If someone in my department has made a mistake, then I see all the reasons or ways I went wrong & when I talk with them I pass on the lessons in this way, sharing how much of it is MY fault. Several times the guilty person ended up having the attitude of, "Well, that's a good lesson YOU learned." They don't see that I'm actually trying to correct THEM. I've learned to be more specific in sharing, "Yes, ultimately I'm responsible so I should have been on guard, but YOU'LL have to take part of the blame & this is the lesson for you." Sara was a real help to me in this way, & before she pointed this out I didn't really see how the Enemy was using this to make me ineffective in passing on lessons & correction.
Ways to Improve Your Ability & Habit of Giving Correction
186. Observe someone else & learn from them. Perhaps one of your fellow Teamwork members or your overseer is good at giving loving correction, in which case it would be good to try to observe him or her in action & learn how they do it. A lot of methods are best developed simply through experience.
187. MAKE DEADLINES FOR YOURSELF. If you tend to procrastinate at giving correction, set a deadline for yourself. Be sure you abide by that deadline.—If you are tempted to procrastinate, somebody could help you abide by your deadlines. Making an "appointment" with the person helps you to follow through.
188. Do a Word study on "Correction" & "Discipline", & ask the Lord to help you catch the vision & need for it.
189. YOU CAN MEMORISE VERSES ON RECEIVING & GIVING CORRECTION. Then when the Enemy tempts you to not discipline, hit him back with the Word & the fact that you know you HAVE to discipline.
190. You can also have DESPERATE PRAYER that the Lord will help to make this a strong point in your life.
191. HAVE A TEAMWORK BUDDY. Counsel with your Teamworker, & pray for the person who's elected to do the correction. The other Teamworker(s) present should back up & encourage the one speaking, through "pulling together" in Spirit, manifested by facial expression, verbal agreement etc. This is especially important if you are the type who needs a little "shove" to step out by faith & exercise your correction muscle!
192. DO IT VIA TAPE. If you find it difficult to talk to someone face-to-face, you can try sharing the counsel you have for them by making a tape for them. This gives you a chance to really pray about what you want to say to them. It also gives the other person a chance to prayerfully consider all the points you bring up by stopping & restarting the tape recorder. Perhaps this will make it easier for you to begin giving correction this way before having to do it on a face-to-face basis. In most cases, though, delivering the counsel personally, face-to-face is better, as it provides the individual you're addressing the opportunity to present his side of things, as well as to ask any questions or clarifications he may have.
193. If you do make a tape, you need to either have the person write a reaction or make a return tape to you or have a face-to-face meeting so he can explain his side or point of view.
These Tips Can Make it Easier to Receive Correction!
194. On the other side of the coin, if we've been freely dishing out correction, then we also need to be willing to take it ourselves & be a sample to our followers of taking correction cheerfully. This principle applies to ALL of us in the Family. If we wish to continue to grow, we'll need to continue RECEIVING correction as well as giving it.
195. FORGET THE PAST. One of the major reasons why our Family hasn't looked upon correction positively may be that in the past they've gotten correction administered to them in a harsh, unloving way. In some cases, maybe it wasn't even unloving, but it was just unwise. Perhaps those administering the correction didn't understand how they should give it. They didn't put themselves in the other person's shoes. Nonetheless, we need to have faith that Romans 8:28 applies, that "all things work together for good", & that our Family & our leadership is growing in greater wisdom & maturity in this area. You have to FORGET the past & not let some sad event from the past hinder your spiritual growth in the present.
196. THE KEY TO HAVING A BETTER ATTITUDE ABOUT CORRECTION is being convinced that it is GOOD for you & that you need it. You must realise that if you can't be corrected, you won't grow.
197. DESIRE IT! It really helps to desire correction, because then it makes it easier for the one who has to deliver it. It gives them the faith to go ahead & give you the full counsel. PRAY for a HUNGER for correction!
198. MAKE IT A HABIT! The more you receive correction, the more it becomes a habit, & it's no longer such a big thing. If you don't receive correction very often, then usually it's a lot harder on you when you do.
199. MAKE IT EASY FOR OTHERS TO BE GOOD. How you receive the correction can influence the correction that comes your way. If you are ENTHUSIASTIC about receiving correction, it makes it easier for the person giving it. They will feel freer to give you what you need.
200. SMILE FROM TIME-TO-TIME! Don't sit there stone-faced or fearful-looking! Make it easy for others to correct you. Show that you want correction, & you're yielded enough that you're willing to be HURT in order to be HELPED. If you do, you will find that others will help you more—and the more they do, the easier it will be for you to receive it.
201. FIGHT SENSITIVITY! Those people who are extremely sensitive will find themselves in a position where nobody wants to say anything to them. If the Shepherds realise that you're going to be on a bummer for days after they correct you, then they're going to hesitate or think twice before they talk with you. This will HURT you in the long run, as "They that can't be counselled, can't be helped." Your sensitivity will stand in the way of the help you need. (Read the Letter "Sensitivity" from time-to-time for more counsel on this very common NWO. See BTH, pg.72.)
202. DESIRE THE LORD'S WILL. We're never going to be perfect, but as long as we want the Lord's highest Will in our lives & want to do our best for Him, then we will have a greater vacuum to want to be helped & corrected.
203. RECEIVE CORRECTION FREELY FROM YOUR TEAMWORK MEMBERS. In leadership positions, most likely the only people who are going to be able to correct us regularly & consistently will be our own Teamwork members. Therefore, you MUST help them feel free to correct you.
204. WE NEED OTHERS' HELP. If we have certain problems that we can't overcome our-selves, then we need the help of others to overcome them. We have to restrict each other & set up rules, regulations, guidelines & safeguards & do whatever we have to, to help one another.
205. WE NEED TO MAINTAIN A GOOD SAMPLE. If you as a leader get out of line & your Teamworkers don't correct you, then your bad effect or your bad sample is going to continue down the line & be multiplied. So you must be willing to be corrected by your Teamworkers for the sake of others & the Lord's Work.
206. GO ON! Once you've received correction, just keep going! Don't stop to get into yourself or allow yourself the luxury of getting discouraged or depressed. Just go on with your normal work as usual. PRAY for the LORD to make the change in your life, as without Him we can do nothing. Desperately desire the change, then trust Him to do it & keep on going for Him!
207. Following is a very applicable anecdote from the book summary, "Secrets to Success with People!", from the book "How to Have Confidence & Power in Dealing with People" by Les Giblin. This anecdote used the word "criticism", but we have chosen to use the word "correction":
208. Not long ago I was discussing the rules for successful criticism (or correction) with Walter Johnson, vice-president of American Airlines. We were discussing the real need for correction, & how it could be a real help.
209. "You know, Les," he said, "a pilot coming in for a landing is a good example of successful correction. Frequently, his flying must be criticised or corrected by the tower. If he's off course, the tower doesn't hesitate to tell him so. If he's coming in too low, he's told about it. If he is going to overshoot the field, he is corrected. Yet I've never heard of one of our pilots getting offended by this correction. I've never heard one say, `Aw, he's always finding fault with my flying. Why can't he say something good for a change?'"
210. The next time you must get someone back on the beam, remember how the airlines "correct" their pilots. Keep in mind that their correction is not for the purpose of ego satisfaction, but to achieve a good end result for both the airline & the pilot. The man in the tower doesn't deal in personalities. He doesn't use recriminations. His correction is not blared out over loudspeakers but in privacy to the pilot's earphones. He corrects the act, not the person.
211. He doesn't say, "Well, if that isn't a dumb way to come in for a landing." He just says, "You're coming in too low."
212. The pilot isn't asked to do something merely to please the boss. He has an incentive of his own to take the correction & benefit by it. He is not offended; he actually appreciates it. He is more likely to buy the man in the tower a steak dinner than to cuss him.
213. And the really important thing is that both the pilot & his boss achieve some useful end result. The correction accomplishes something.
214. All correction could be given & received in the same spirit; if it were, equally good results would be achieved.
215. God bless & keep you going for Him, as you give & receive correction in your life. "The path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more & more unto the perfect day!"—Pro.4:18.
216. (CHRIS:) I used to have a real difficult time receiving correction & I would feel offended or unjustly accused, or even when justly accused, I'd feel condemned & I'd get all down in the dumps about it. I'd go through this whole remorseful, lamentable, inconsolable trip that was completely unnecessary.
217. I learned a lot from Simeon in Japan along this line. I worked with him for quite a number of years as he was one of the NASs, & he was always a real sample to me. During that time I seemed to be the main one who delivered most of the correction that he received. He was always SINCERELY THANKFUL to hear about it & even when it was pretty obvious that something was a hard saying or a little more difficult to swallow, he nevertheless was always quite consistent in giving a POSITIVE RESPONSE. It was a good sample to me on how I should ALSO be when receiving correction. Also, I saw that it made it easier for me as his leader to deliver the full counsel that he needed, whereas that's much more difficult & even less likely when you talk to someone & they either balk, or like I did, they let you know how painful it is & how much it hurts or they get all down in the dumps or sensitive, etc. etc.
218. A beautiful verse is Pro.15:12, which says, "A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him; neither will he go unto the wise." The OPPOSITE of that seems to mean that if we really WANT wisdom & we WANT correction then we'll not only receive it but we'll actually SEEK IT OUT, we will go unto the wise & desire instruction & correction from them. As Pro.4:13 says, "Take FAST HOLD of instruction, let her not go; keep her, for she is thy life." Isn't that beautiful? It's just so clear that instruction & correction is something that we really need to hang on to for dear life.
219. I see much more clearly now how I fail others when I don't correct them. I can see how we failed some of the people who used to be in our Home by not being more firm with them & really trying to help them overcome their problems. If I would have been much firmer & would have had more faith to step out & work with them or their problems more, I'm sure they would have won victories. I see clearly now that part of my job as a Shepherd is to actively try to help those in our Home overcome their problems & weaknesses. Now I feel very accountable to those in my Home, & from here on in, by God's grace, I want to have a change in my life in this area, & to become a better Shepherd who is concerned for the sheep.—One who not only has PITY for them in their problems, but one who has COMPASSION, who steps out & DOES something to try & help them.
220. (MARY:) One of my biggest NWOs on being a better Shepherdess is giving correction more consistently, & not being a delinquent Shepherdess. I got a verse on it that says, "In that day I will perform against Eli all things which I have spoken concerning his house: when I begin, I will also make an end. For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, & HE RESTRAINED THEM NOT."—1Sam.3:12,13. I thought that was a really good verse. Even with the people in our Home, they're like our children & we need to take care of them. So if they are doing something that is not of the Lord & we know it & we don't take care of it, then like the verse says, we "restrain them not". I applied that He could destroy the work that we do & our ministry because of us not taking care of & not restraining & correcting someone in the Home.
221.
"Home Discipline!—Law without Enforcement Is No Law at All!" (ML#1712)
"Delinquent Parents!—Make Delinquent Kids!" (ML#1708)
"Teen Terrors!—Crime & Punishment!" (ML#1512)
"Disciplinary Standard for TTCs!" by Sara D. (Sara 110, BTH, pg.200)
"Rotten Apples!" (ML#1023)
"We're an Army!" (ML#2522, GN382)
"Prayer for Love & Mercy!" (ML#75)
"Prayer of a Good Shepherd!" (ML#813)
"Taking Correction!—Don't Justify Yourself!" (Maria 24)
"Sensitivity!" (Peter 32, BTH, pg.72)
"The Benefits of Backsliding!—God's Way Up Is Down!" (ML#312)
"You've Got the Victory! Don't Give It Up" (ML#1925)
"Failure!—A Victory from Defeat!" (ML#1928)
"On Guard!" (ML#1377)
"Backsliders Behave!" (ML#2229)
"Lashes of Love!" (ML#606)
"Morning Prayer!" (ML#98)
"Why Rebukes Before All?" by Maria (ML#1795)
Copyright 1996 The Family