July 21, 2003
Special Summit '90 Issue
FSM 174 (FN 283) DO
Copyright: Aug.1990
by Family Services, Zurich, Switzerland
Part One of a Two-Part Series
—Josiah Confesses His NWOs & Establishes Safeguards in a Letter to His New Teamwork!
By Peter Amsterdam
After attending the first session of the Summit '90 meetings with Peter A. & Paul P., Josiah returned to his CRO work & the oversight of the Video Ministry. His two other Teamworkers, Chris & Isaac, were undertaking new assignments & because of this, new members were assigned to the CRO & Video Teamworks. Chris & Isaac had worked with Josiah for years & knew his NWOs very well. They were also very used to discussing their NWOs together, so if any of them began to step out of line, the others could easily & quickly point it out to him. Josiah's new Teamwork members, however, were not so used to working in a leadership position with Josiah, & had been working UNDER him for a number of years, so would be all the less inclined to speak up to Josiah.
2. Because Josiah was used to working with people who were acquainted with his NWOs & who would speak up if they noticed him falling into them, he decided to write the following letter to his new Teamworkers, explaining his NWOs & asking for their help to be a safeguard to him. Although we don't necessarily recommend that all leaders write similar letters to their teamwork members or those who work closely with them, we felt that it was needful & quite beneficial in Josiah's case.
3. Since the majority of the leaders at the second session of the Summit '90 had worked closely with Josiah in the past, & since his lessons on prayerfulness were used in the meetings, Mama thought it would be good for them also to read his "Teamworker" letter. Some of their reactions are included in this FSM.
4. The second part of this series includes excerpts from a number of Josiah's latest reports to Dad & Mama, which were written after the Summit '90 meeting. Mama was so impressed with the beautiful changes in Josiah's life & the many lessons & tips that he's shared, that she felt they should be published for the benefit of all. We pray they will be full of lessons that will benefit you.
5. I am very happy for the precious opportunity of being able to work with you. In this upcoming assignment of working together shepherding the Area, as well as with the Video Ministry, I pray—desperately in fact—that the Lord will make me a bigger blessing to you all than I was in the past. I know that I haven't always been that easy to work with, I haven't always been that good a sample of all that I have been taught by my overshepherds, nor of the guidelines & the sample that Grandpa has taught us in the Letters.
6. So before embarking on a new working relationship with you, I would like to spell out to you what I consider are some of my most dangerous weaknesses & shortcomings so that you will be aware of how you can safeguard me in order to well-balance & strengthen our Teamwork, as well as how to compensate against those delinquencies of mine! It's a responsibility that we have one toward another to really help each other stay close to the Lord not only for our own sake, but even more so for the Work's sake so that our sample will not in any way detrimentally affect the sheep.
7. Recently the Lord has allowed me to attend a leadership meeting with some of my overseers, at which time the opportunity arose for me to have some of my shortcomings pointed out so that I would try & correct those deficient areas of my life. I'm very thankful that some of you have taken the time to diagnose my previous sample while at the Video Ministry & the Office to dissect the good from the bad & I have greatly benefitted from your accurate observations. As many of you know, it's not the first time that my NWOs have had to be highlighted to me, & every time it's been very enlightening as it has helped me to clearly see those areas in my personal behaviour which stained my sample as a Shepherd of the flock. I haven't by all means gotten the total victory over these things, but it's been encouraging to see that while there are still many areas that need work, yet in other areas, some progress has been made. I guess that's the Lord's pattern of growth—which in children is noticeable when they grow out of a difficult phase, which seems to then give them more strength & motivation to employ in other areas of growth. The point that remains a comfort to me is that we don't have to be perfect to serve the Lord. He'll use all that we are willing to yield to Him—& as we yield more He'll use that much more of us. So this is one advantage in looking back, in that it helps us to see how much progress has been made & how much was accomplished, & that in a sense gives me more faith to keep working on these weaker areas.
8. Many times in the past when I was assigned to new or greater responsibilities, the Folks wisely prefaced my introduction to my new Teamwork by sharing some of those NWOs of mine with my Teamworkers to help safeguard me, & most of all, safeguard the sample that I represent to the flock, as one of the Folks' representatives. This time I was asked if I would like to share my NWOs with you myself. So I'm very happy for this opportunity which I believe will help me get these weak areas into better focus, as well as give me a better handle on them as I commit myself to all the changes I would like to make.
9. Before starting, however, I would like to give credit where credit is due because it really wasn't by any wisdom or gracious willingness of mine that I was able to finally see the light in some of those areas! It was greatly due to the factual & substantiated observations of those of you who took the time to really observe my work habits in order to supply my Shepherds with the correct data so they in turn could see where I stood spiritually! In my case, my overshepherds don't see me that often & they go mostly by what I tell them in my reports & as we all know, aside from trying to make ourselves appear mostly "good", the fact of the matter is that WE often don't see ourselves as others see us & consequently cannot diagnose on our own what is wrong & needs to get worked on in our own personal lives. So it's a real blessing to be able to get those third-party observations that oftentimes better reflect the accuracy of the situation. Aside from your observations, a lot of what was shared with me came from the actual experience of my overseers & from the sample that they themselves have seen in Grandpa & Mama. They have shared with me a lot that I could not really see before, as well as things that I didn't previously apply as thoroughly as needed. So what I'm trying to say is that a lot of what I'm going to share with you really doesn't come from me. I'll be reading from my notes on what was reported & passed on to me.
10. Allow me to start with a little prayer: Lord, thank You very much for all that You've done in the past few years in the Far East, in fact, I want to give You all the glory & the credit for it. Thank You also for all of the precious brothers & sisters who have put a lot of blood, sweat & tears into making possible all that has been accomplished. At the eve of this new assignment, I'd like to ask You, Jesus, to help me really make an effort to strengthen those weaker areas that so affect my sample & consequently the other leaders' sample too. I'd like to ask for a real spirit of honesty that I may be able to share with & receive from my Teamworkers the truth, not only now but throughout our future working relationship. Lord, I don't want to fight the remaking & the remolding. To the contrary, I wish to have such a relationship with others that they will be able to help me be more yielded & more flexible.—Not only to You, Lord, but to others as well. In Jesus' name, amen.
Communion with the Lord
11. Most of my problems, it seems, come from a wrong balance in the way I relate to the WORK & the WORD. In other words, I need to work on a better & closer relationship with the Lord. The Lord has no doubt given me a number of gifts & talents He uses in me, but where I make most of my mistakes is in not waiting on the Lord & really communing with the Lord long enough to really find & understand His plans BEFORE going ahead. I'm a "man of action" & I like a lot of it, & perhaps for that reason, I have always found it hard to sit at the Lord's feet & wait on Him to really get His directions & to go about it the way He wants me to.
12. I like to get a lot done to the point of almost worshipping accomplishments & efficiency, & I can operate at a pretty fast pace which can be quite frantic for others sometimes, because I oftentimes try to pack TOO much into my plans—which makes my deadlines somewhat unrealistic, not to speak of the lack of thoroughness, which leaves a number of things undone along the way, & later I have to return to re-do or repair the things that were not done quite right. All this, of course, puts a lot of pressure on the people who work with or for me. And because I expect a lot from people, they oftentimes feel like they also need to constantly be in motion—doing something, anything but relaxing or reading the Word.
13. In an effort to try & rectify the problem I would like to spend more time PRAYING about & for the Work instead of trying to accomplish so many things myself. It all comes down to, "You can't do the Master's work without the Master's power." And you can't get that power without spending time with the Master. So I'd like to make this both my assignment & my resolution from now on: To try & spend more time with & be more like Jesus & have a better & more regular communion with Him.
14. For the last two years I had the blessing of working in teamwork with pretty strong leaders such as Ike, Sara, Chris & many others in the Video Ministry, as well as at the Office. And for as long as I had all these strong "props" around me & was fairly "caged in", the damages that my lack of prayer & real communion with the Lord may have caused were somewhat limited. On top of that, those strong shoulders could give me a nudge back in line once in awhile whenever I got out of line. But it seems like in the future, because the ultimate responsibility will fall on me, I'll have to be sure to take some more time away from the work in the wings to commune with the Lord in Word & prayer to avoid drifting from the Lord's course. It was pointed out to me that there are leaders who generally do pretty well on their own because they've got that strong communication with the Lord, whereas others tend to drift after awhile. And I'm more like the latter kind because I rely too much on gifts, talents, experience, organisation, efficiency & other such carnal props.
15. I'm usually pretty good at delegating & freeing myself for some time off—either to rest & for other activities that I like to do—but I rarely schedule the Lord as my partner that I need to spend time with. And while I have learned to STOP once in awhile, sad to say, I often fill those precious few moments by dreaming up more things to do (either for myself or for others) or by just plain being "busy" with all sorts of fun projects, which though good & fine, should not fill that time that should be reserved for the Lord, the Word & prayer.
16. It seems like the problem with me is that even though I manage to spend some time alone, it is no guarantee that I will thereby get closer to the Lord. In other words, because I usually pack that time with more work or other activities or trip-offs simply because I feel like I always have to have something going or be doing something, in the end I don't really stop long enough for the Lord to get ahold of my ear. Some of you have mentioned that there is this constant high energy level & this extreme "busyness" about me that seems to bind me from really stopping. When trying to relax with the children, for instance, it still becomes a fairly extensive activity with lots of planning, energy & effort put into it.
17. The sad part about this is how my sample contradicts the preponderance of Letters that say to "GO SLOW & by so doing you'll get there quicker, at least you'll get there." My personal sample of going so fast has diametrically opposed that Godly principle & therefore can lead to confuse the sheep about what really is right. What people don't realise, however, is that this behaviour is one of relying on the energy of the flesh, which in terms of long-lasting fruits really doesn't bear much fruit.
18. So I've come to the realisation...(even though a bit late) that I've got to enter into a new phase.—No longer of works but of WORD. And considering the importance of my upcoming assignments & the many responsibilities that come with it, it has become imperative that I switch gears. I've got to learn to lean more on the Lord & His Word!—And learn it I will—either through sad personal experience, or hopefully more easily, through the teaching of others. But in my situation, I just cannot afford to learn it by experience because it's too expensive. It would cost a lot of damage both to the Work in our Area as well as to the Video Ministry. In other words, much like in the story of Saul & David, this time unless I learn to be more of a David—a Lord-letter rather than a Christian-trier—I could bring the whole house down, like what happened to Saul of old.
19. Idon't know how I got into worshipping accomplishments so much. I still have to define where it might have come from but it could be, again, a works trip—trying to earn love & appreciation by trying to prove I was contributing a lot in my assigned area. But I'm now realising that the Lord's & the Folks' Love are not contingent on my contributions as much as on my dependency & reliance on the Lord.
20. So now I feel I need to find—not only for myself, but for others also—a better working pace as well as more reliance on the Lord, & by so doing, according to the Word we should get as much, if not more done. Hopefully it will be the LORD'S efficiency—not just my fleshly attempts at efficiency—& everybody will be happier at a more relaxed & well-paced speed. And consequently I should have more of that peace that passeth all understanding & of that strength which Dad talks about in "Temple Time" when you partake of these things (the Word)—STRENGTH THAT YE KNOW NOT OF.
21. As I look back at the sample that I left some of you with, it really breaks my heart! I just wouldn't want people to try & imitate this fast pace & this constant state of "busyness" which will only drive'm further & further away from the Lord. I feel that the carbon copy that I left behind is in actuality a very poor reproduction of what I had seen in the sample of my overseers, who take time to stop & pray & hear from the Lord, as well as hear from others.
22. I'm finally learning that my quest for so-called "efficiency" & getting as much done as quick as possible is not always the right way, especially my breed of it that calls for constant cramming & rushing & making quick decisions, without really being sure that it's even what the Lord WANTS done! I'm realising that in trying to accomplish SO much, oftentimes I have overloaded the cart to the point of breaking the wheels. It seems to be the disease that many sincere Christians contract, in making a god out of God's Work & getting so much into serving & accomplishing things at the expense of their personal relationship with the Lord.
23. There's a balance to this, of course, & this doesn't mean that both with the Office work & with the Video Ministry we just loaf & laze around & go at such a leisurely pace that we barely survive & make no progress! To the contrary, we need to make use of all the good training that the Folks & all the other top leadership invested in the area & we definitely need to keep growing together & keep getting as much done as we can for the Lord & His sheep. But what I'm personally trying to work on is finding a better balance in this frantic pace that I've set for myself which was at the expense of minimising many more important things, such as my communion with the Lord as well as a better management of the manpower, time & money that He's given us.
24. It boils down to knocking the Lord off my sharing schedule. Incidentally, for the first time in my life I have recently had to go without dates for quite some time, & for someone who has had as great a sexual need as I have been known to have in the past, I found it quite liberating to realise that I really wasn't missing having dates per se—perhaps because I was feeling so full in my heart with so much Word & input during this time of meetings. Of course, on the other hand, having dates wasn't as practical in this particular situation as when I am at the Office or Video Ministry, but that no doubt contributed to my being able to have a lot more time with the Lord, & not even needing this kind of fellowship with others as much as I have in the past. I'm sure that the Lord allowed it to awaken me to the importance of this time of communion & fellowship with Him, & to realise that this has to be slotted within my schedule no matter how busy I am, so I'm able to get my directions as well as the strength I need to carry my heavy load of responsibilities.
25. So Lord helping me, I would like to really pull out of this false mode of judging success by accomplishment alone, & I'd like to call on you to help me reach this victory in my life—not only for my sake but for the overall Work's sake as well. This, I think, is the most important NWO that I must work on & gain victories over because I feel it's the root problem of all of the other NWOs, such as not being prayerful enough (especially in matters of security), having a tendency to take the credit to myself or accept the praise of Man, push people too hard & set too tight deadlines, draw people to me, fraternising & being too opinionated etc. I would still like to develop further on each one of these weaknesses, as I said earlier, not only to commit myself to really work on them but also to make you aware of them so that you can help & safeguard me whenever needed.
Prayerfulness
26. I'm realising that prayerfulness is different than just stopping for desperate prayer. Prayerfulness is more like utter dependence on the Lord, & keeping that communication line constantly open with the Lord so that you can constantly stay in touch & pass any requests, however big or small, to the Lord at any given time.
27. In the past few years I've tried to get a little more desperate in my prayer life & to rely a little more on prayer, but I still lack very much in prayerfulness in terms of constantly acknowledging the Lord in every move & every step along the way to make sure that that's what He wants done & the way He wants it done. So I'd really like to make some progress in that area.
Taking the Credit & Receiving the Praise of Man
28. I know that in the past I have enjoyed taking the credit for many accomplishments or good ideas. And in fact, sometimes I would borrow a little credit from other people's ideas or downright steal their ideas without acknowledging them, Lord help me. And I think this problem goes along with wanting to have the last word or as substantial an opinion as possible in anything & everything that is going on. No wonder that in the end I tend to accept & even expect the praise of Man, which is a real big mistake for leaders to do because then the Lord has to let something happen to them to really show their followers that it's not the LEADER but the LORD. So I'd like to take a stand to strongly rebuke & aggressively fight the praise of Man, much like Grandpa does in the Letters. In his case it is not his fault but the followers', but it remains the leader's responsibility to guard himself against people who would want to look to the leader rather than the Lord.
29. Also in CONFESSING & APOLOGISING for my shortcomings, oftentimes rather than simply stating the incident, I tend to fluff it up with extra explanations & all the razza-mataz of the events or pack it up with some juicy details or comical interpretations to perhaps entertain the audience, but in the end it all seriously detracts from the Lord & the sober acknowledgement & apology that it should be. That is also a way of drawing people to myself which I would like to correct.
30. Familiarity with people & too much socialising with my flock, especially with some of the teen girls, are some other means that I've used to draw people to myself. The sad thing about this is that drawing people to myself, in my case as a leader, tends to draw people away from the Lord—to where they will see & look to the leader rather than to the Lord. It's something that is easy to do because it FEELS GOOD & the admiration of the people helps boost my ego. I'm seeing also that oftentimes when people would say something nice to me or about me, I don't make a conscious effort to say, "Lord, it's only You. That's You that they see in me." Rather most of the time I simply cashed in on the credit & the praise. So Lord helping me I'd like to really make a conscious effort to unload all of that immediately as it's served me & pass it to the Lord, as well as to others, who most of the time play an even greater part than I do in getting the job done.
31. To really get a victory in this area I'd like to apply the following safeguards, if you could please help me follow them:
32. In other words, as the leader, no matter how sweet & diplomatic I would want to be, the fact that I come out with a suggestion, to most people this will be considered pretty much like an order. So I need to learn to draw out others' opinions & suggestions, even if it means for me to avoid expressing myself or try to hold myself back until towards the end of the conversation to make it easier for people to debate with me. By the same token, I'd like to learn to be more sensitive to people's hints, as oftentimes that may be all that they will feel comfortable to offer in my presence as the senior officer.
33. Something else along the same line is that being that I'm such an extremist & get so enthused in expressing my opinion because I'm the one in charge, I tend to put in motion many of my "inspired" ideas too quickly before they could get a thorough pow-wow to refine every aspect & angle. In other words, I very much need help to be able to look at things more realistically & to make sure that every idea & move is prayerfully approached, planned & scheduled at a manageable pace.
Going at a More Relaxed Pace
34. When deciding on deadlines, I tend to calculate those unrealistically, or at least UNNECESSARILY crammed, to the point people feel too much pressure in their work. I would like to learn to let others have a pretty good say in setting deadlines, & perhaps to even just let people set their own deadlines themselves. In which case they would have more motivation to get the work done according to their faith.
35. While I choose to work hard, put in the hours & go, go, go, & then cut off & rest at my choice, this is a liberty that I, as an overseer with my own schedule, have much more so than others on more regular schedules. In imposing my same regulations & pace on other people, because of the set schedule that they are under, they cannot stop & take off as often or as conveniently as I can. So I could stand to take better care of my people & look into their workload & schedule to make sure they have enough time to rest & recuperate. Therefore, I would like to adhere to a good cruising speed whereby everyone can get their assignments done & still have enough time to enjoy life!
36. For this reason it was suggested to me that we should avoid having any unrelated special pushes & activities at the same location as the Video Ministry, so as to not overtax the personnel who will already be plenty busy with the Video assignments. That's not to mean that we shouldn't have special CRO projects, seminars, camps etc. but perhaps these could be centered elsewhere. As much as possible people involved in the Video Ministry should be able to put in a good day's work & then cut off in order to have enough relaxation & Word time.
In Conclusion
37. It seems like I need to make a conscious effort to emphasise the spiritual & distance myself enough from the day-to-day grind so I'm able to have real communion with the Lord & His Word, as well as better interactions with the other leaders of the Work, both at the Office & at the Video Ministry.
38. I really pray that the Lord will help me with these resolutions to really try & gain greater victories in these many delinquent areas of my life. I am, however, going to need your help very much & I'd like to call on your honesty & openness to please try & mention things if & whenever you see something wrong in the way I do things. Again, I'm very much looking forward to working with you all.
39. I'm truly thankful for the special blessing it is to be working with you all here because I believe with my whole heart that there is still a whole lot to do! And in fact, we barely got started! Hallelujah! And I am persuaded that He can do as much, if not more, even though we may be fewer, simply because those who are left have had a lot of training & have already proven they're able to really deliver the goods. It's going to have to be the Lord, but that's just it! "We have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, & not of us."—2Cor.4:7.
Much love, Josiah
From Chris
40. I believe the Lord has really had His way in having Jo continue his responsibilities in the Far East.—Not only so that he can continue the great responsibility of overseeing the Video Ministry, but also to enable him to more easily work on his NWO of lack of prayerfulness. I was thinking that if he were to go to Europe or any other field, the tendency would be much greater to want to put his car in HIGH GEAR, & in a sense "prove himself" or show people how MUCH can get done.—And in doing this, he would likely swing the pendulum of "production" way to the extreme.
41. It was my experience in the Far East that even if we intended to slow down later, when we wanted to get things moving, we threw the Work into high gear in order to show people, by a somewhat extreme example, how fast they could move if they wanted to. Japan is definitely a field where Jo doesn't have to prove how much he can get done! Everyone there already knows how fast he can move & how busy he can keep people, so he's much more in a position to preach & practice slowing down.
How a Bad Sample Speaks to Others!
42. I'm really thankful to learn this lesson, & I'm also thankful that Jo has been able to learn it too, because now that the Lord has revealed this, it has become quite obvious how communion with the Lord has been lacking in all of our lives. This letter to his Teamworkers also makes the shortcomings of Jo's sample a lot clearer, because amidst all of his talents & abilities, this lack of prayerfulness was really quite evident. The conclusion that Jo's secretary drew from his sample is not at all surprising, I think it's the conclusion that many of us drew—and that is, that you CAN do the Master's work without the Master's power, if you just go ahead & DO IT or WORK HARD ENOUGH at it. (See pg.22, paragraph 142)
43. I'd like to explain another conclusion that I tended to draw, that I think others could have drawn also. After observing Jo's behaviour, I began to think that despite breakings & correction for NWOs, you didn't really have to have a COMPLETE CHANGE. Now I realise Jo HAS changed through the years & has had a MEASURE of victory over many of his NWOs, but in many ways he continued to entertain some of the main NWOs that he had been corrected about previously.
Going Ahead of the Prophet by not Counselling!
44. In some ways he operated in the spirit of Saul, & I'm seeing much more clearly how I was guilty of this as well. I had never related Saul to myself personally. One reason is because Saul was obviously an extremely TALENTED individual, & I just don't consider myself to be very talented, so therefore I didn't feel I needed to be so concerned about blowing it by relying on the arm of the flesh or going ahead of the Prophet, etc. But when working with Jo, I think we BOTH entertained that Saul type of spirit. I can't blame it all on Jo, because I have yielded to the same temptation & weakness myself, most specifically by going ahead without the Prophet.
45. I've never understood clearly how we could make the mistake of "going ahead of the Prophet", but I see how I've done it time & again by pursuing projects or activities without asking you about it first. In other words, if I thought there was a chance that you would say, "No, DON'T proceed with such-&-such a program, because you just don't have the time & personnel", or "It's not the time" etc., then I would just NOT ask you. In other words, the LAST people I would want to ask about a project I wanted to undertake would be Dad & Mama, because I would just figure, "Well, once they see it & see the fruit of it, they'll be happy with it!—But don't ask about it BEFOREHAND if there's a chance they might say no!" It's becoming quite clear that in doing this I was literally going ahead of the Prophet.
Our Workaholic Habits Can Minister Condemnation to Others!
46. I wanted to comment on the "workaholic sample" that we as leaders give when we have so many irons in the fire & are pushing others & ourselves so hard. When we push so hard there is a great chance that we minister a lot of condemnation to others. For example, at the Office I would get up very early in the morning before everyone else woke up & I'd go find a quiet place to work. For ME this was tremendously inspiring, & if I was behind on my paperwork, by attacking it like that, I could really make a lot of progress. But when I did this, I would come back to the Office about the time everyone else's day was beginning & it sometimes started other people's day off on a real bummer, because I would be going so fast by then that they would feel like they were already 10 miles behind me.
47. Another habit I had that would often make others feel under condemnation is that I would work very late. I think I did this, not because I was such a workaholic, but because in those quiet hours of the night I found that the papers could really "fly", because my time was so uninterrupted. Also I've come to learn that my peak hours of productivity are late at night & early in the morning, again because those periods of time are so undisturbed.
Not Flaunting Our Work Schedule in Pride!
48. So I'm hoping to not have to entirely give up these early-morning work hours or night work habits. But I do want to avoid having it minister condemnation to others, which is the major detriment of this work schedule. So what I'd like to do in the future, if I feel the need to get up early to get on top of my work or even just to read & pray, would be to NOT FLAUNT IT or be so OBVIOUS about it.—Like not coming in like a herd of charging buffaloes loaded with papers & letting everyone know that they are already two steps behind me & I'm way out there in front. People should, of course, feel secure that as their leader you are somewhere out there in front knowing where we're going; but what I'm trying to illustrate is the other side of this, which is when the flock gets that feeling of condemnation that they're already so far behind they'll never catch up.
49. I fully intended this point to be a personal confession & point regarding myself only, but I think this is something that Jo is going to need to continue to work on also. I say that because even at the Delegates' Meeting that we just had before leaving the East, Jo would join us in the morning & before we'd start our devotions he'd ask if it was okay if he handed out the papers that he'd read & marked that morning. Then he'd hand them out to everyone, & even though he even prefaced it by saying he wasn't trying to get everyone busy with work so early in the day, nevertheless, as soon as that paper landed in our hands our tendency was to want to catch up or get going with our business. And when he would do this, the rest of us would just naturally feel off-balance & like we were already behind.
50. I only mention that example because I think Jo's going to need to CONTINUE working on that point. He can get up quite early. If he's inspired about wanting to report about something, he'll get up in the middle of the night to dictate. Perhaps when he does this it would be wiser for him not to announce it or make it so OBVIOUS, because bragging about how much work you have already gotten done before breakfast doesn't seem to accomplish anything unless the goal is to get OTHERS to do the same thing, which sometimes might be necessary, but it's not what we need to promote right now.
51. In a way, it's a bit of pride or promoting yourself to announce how early you got up that morning & how much you've already been able to accomplish. Although YOU may be very happy about it, & I know I've been this way too, just quite happy that the day's already off to such a good start, perhaps those of us who go this route should find other ways of expressing our joy & enthusiasm that will lift others UP a bit more & not promote a works trip or make others feel lazy or behind—unless we are in fact trying to get others to produce more.
I Too Cultivated this Spirit of "Busyness"!
52. I have followed along with Jo in a number of these weaknesses. I've definitely partaken of this spirit of "busyness" & even cultivated it. We've had so many busy projects going!—And I've really striven to see just how many irons I could throw in the fire, to the point that, during the last meeting that Jo & Isaac & I had together, JO was even trying to get ME to slow down! We realised that in some ways we were switching places in that I had stepped on the gas pedal so heavily that I needed a brake.
53. Now I see that when we were trying to get the field to progress, we would see the needs & simply want to do ANYTHING & EVERYTHING we could to help it to progress. And if we could squeeze another program & project in, we went for it. I think we're always going to be wanting to get as much done as we can with our time & personnel & finances, but as I see it now, the things we need to be more mindful of are:
Number one, that with our efforts & all of our work & projects, that the Lord isn't crowded out of our lives, nor do we allow the work & projects to crowd the Lord out of the lives of others.
Secondly, that we appreciate more & stay more aware of the effect that our decisions, actions & various pushes have on the field & our personnel. Like the illustration of cracking a whip: On our end of the whip (where the decision is made), our hand only moves about four inches, but on the tail end of the whip (where the decision is carried out) it travels 20 feet before it cracks.
Thirdly, that in all we do we are truly prayerful & counselling together with our Teamwork & moving at a Godly pace that doesn't either burn us out or those we're working with or the field we're working on.
54. Ireally was fed from this class on communing with the Lord. I was also especially pricked by the point that those leaders who stay close to the Lord are the ones who don't wander off the track. In reflecting back, it was easy to see over the past year how the areas I've gotten off in are quite directly related to my getting away from the Lord & not keeping Him in first place.
Finding a Balance Between Forging Ahead by Faith & Going Slow!
55. I'm thankful for the time I had working with Jo. I think it's helped me to strengthen quite a few weak areas in my life. I'm thankful for his sample of going ahead by faith. He really encouraged me to go ahead by faith in many instances, which encouraged me to have faith for myself.—And the Lord did meet me every time.
56. But now I'm determined to mix going ahead by faith with a more PRAYERFUL attitude. Also I'm determined to not feel pressured when I procrastinate, especially in situations where I just don't have the faith to go ahead.
57. In the past I had quite a problem with procrastination. I think the difference between Mama's procrastination & the way I was, is that in Mama's case she hesitates if she doesn't have a peace that she sees things clearly or sees all the factors, so she doesn't want to answer a matter before she's really heard it or understands it. Whereas in my case, my procrastination was just negligence & laziness. Of course, I'm sure there were times when I also didn't have a peace about giving a quick answer or pursuing some decision or initiative, but rather felt led to go a little slower or wait, or just not rush along with so much going on.
Making a God of Accomplishments!
58. I think it's really true what Jo said in his "Dear Teamworker" letter, that he made a god of accomplishments. He was quite proud of the fact that after a meeting he could sit & write notes implementing decisions literally by the time you were still only getting out of your seats. Although I came to really enjoy doing this same thing as well, in a way it's a pride trip that you're so effective & so efficient & so on top of things that you're acting upon decisions so quickly. Then those accomplishments become a god & you can really pat yourself on the back for them.
We Don't Have to Have the "Last Word"!
59. In his letter to his Teamworkers, Jo talks about taking the credit & receiving the praise of Man. I was glad to see him acknowledge this, because it is something that tended to bug me a bit. When I was with Jo in a meeting I'd see this happen right before my eyes—no matter WHAT the topic or point was, seeing him ALWAYS have to have such a substantial opinion or the last word. Seeing his sample made me feel like that's what I had to do & the way I had to be.
60. I think it's something that other leaders who have worked with Jo are going to have to work on also, because they reflect those same tendencies. For example, in watching how Ezra or John work with people, I noticed they often tend to try to imitate Jo's way of handling people. I feel this is something that those who have worked with Jo may need follow-up help with to see that they don't have to work that way as a leader, they don't have to have such a loud opinion & dominate every situation where they happen to be the senior officer. Although we can't allow events to run circles around us, & when we are leading a meeting or project or area, of course we need to be going somewhere & bringing the others with us, but Jo wanted to have "the last word" in just about any & every situation he was in. His sample in that respect is quite different from other leaders that I've seen.
Applying Jo's Lessons to My Own Life!
61. I hope in any of this reaction I haven't sounded like now that Jo's weaknesses have come to light, that I feel so much better than him, because I truly don't. I still would love to work with him again. Although if we were to work together again I think I would watch out more for these particular weaknesses. Through the years that I was with him I also came to trust his love for the Lord & you. Because our relationship developed to the point where we were able to give & receive a fair amount of correction from each other, it gave me a great peace in working with him, because I knew if I disagreed with anything, I could bring it up & he would listen.
62. If I sound a little self-righteous in talking so much about Jo's problems or weaknesses & not so much about my own, it's only because it's helping me to think it out & APPLY his lessons to my own life. And though I may have followed Jo's lead in a number of these weaknesses, I also have seen quite a lot of Peter's sample & Paul's sample, both of which were quite a contrast to Jo's, so I really don't have much excuse for my own mistakes in these areas. I know it's going to have to be the Lord to help me change in many of these same areas.
63. In closing, I'd like to thank you very much for sharing these things with us, as well as with Jo. I think it's going to be a big help to me as I enter into this new job & Teamwork in Latin America in which I know I'm going to need the Lord much more than I ever have before. I'm especially thankful to be able to hear these things & pray about them & absorb them & do as much as I can to implement them in my life before I go into this new assignment. TTL, He sure has His way with the timing of all these things. PTL! I really love you!
Much love, Chris
From Sara D.
64. Jo's letter to his Teamworkers was beautifully written. However, not until I read his OTHER reports which talked more about his lessons & reactions did I really see the very BIG difference in Jo—he now has a WHOLE different way of looking at things! PTL! Reading Jo's reports & seeing him being so very prayerful & enjoying more SPIRITUAL fellowship with others was delightful.
65. I am so happy that Jo learned such a precious lesson & that the Lord brought about such a change in his life, because he is a very dynamic leader, & people naturally assume that he has been around the Folks a lot because of his dynamism, his charisma & his personality. Therefore, people could assume that the way JO used to operate is how the FOLKS operate.—Whereas, Jo has never really lived with the Folks, he's only visited briefly.
66. It seems that Jo has really benefitted from that polishing up, which is a great blessing—especially since he's such a good leader & he influences people's lives so strongly because of his dynamism, his firepower & get-up-&-go. I even found that I was modelling myself a bit too much after Jo in some ways. It really convicted me when I realised I was imitating a lot of Jo's ways of operating—besides being that way naturally myself!—more than modelling myself after the Folks or Peter or Paul P. I didn't realise that until I read his letter to his Teamwork.
67. It seems I needed to see that change in Jo through reading his recent reports & reactions in order to help ME to learn the lesson too, that I've got to keep my eyes on JESUS. Not to say I worshipped Jo or man-pleased him, but it's just that his personality & his mannerisms & his speech are very appealing to people. They're interesting & vivacious & you tend to want to imitate him. If I was inclined to imitate Jo, after I've been around the FOLKS' sample for 13 years, then all the more reason to share his lessons with others who would probably be even MORE inclined to imitate him.
68. I can even see people imitating ME now & the way I do & say things! We really do imitate each other!—It sure is sobering!
From Dust
69. What Peter shared about Jo & the lessons that he has been learning hit very close to home—in fact, they hit me deep in my heart & caused the scales to start to fall from my eyes. Many of the tumblers started to fall into place to where I could see the need for a real rewiring in my own life also!
I Tried to Imitate Peter & Jo!
70. There are two people that I have tried to pattern my life after—Peter & Jo. I've felt that if I could somehow be a combination of Peter & Jo, I would be the leader that both I & the Lord wanted me to be. Actually, I've been around Jo much more than Peter, so I attempted to model my life as a leader MORE after Jo's sample of leadership. I admired Jo very much & I still do, but I can now see where my trying to follow his sample has not borne good fruit in my life in some ways.
71. Iwant to make it clear that I'm not trying to blame Jo for my lack of prayerfulness & my Saulish ways. In fact, before I even met Jo, a long-standing weakness in my life as a leader has been to lean to my own understanding & to lean to my own talents & abilities & experiences, & oftentimes to go ahead with projects & programs & decisions rather quickly without really waiting on the Lord. I wouldn't consider myself to be nearly such a high-powered person as Jo, & I really admired him for his many gifts & talents, especially for his attacking spirit & the way he got things done, & for all that he was accomplishing. To me, Jo seemed to be the best type of leader because he was getting so much done.
72. Actually, while I very much tried to imitate or mimic Jo, I fell short time & again. My natural tendency is to be a pretty mellow person & pretty laid-back in some ways. I have a problem with being lazy & procrastinating & not attacking as I should. So when I saw Jo's sample of having just the opposite qualities of being on the attack & aggressive & really "going for it", I felt that if I could apply those principles & qualities in my leadership it would help me to be a better leader.—And in many ways it did, as it helped me not be so lazy & to be more dedicated to the Lord's Work.
73. So the point is that I very much imitate & am influenced by the samples that I see in my leaders whom I look up to & admire. Looking over my past year in Europe, I can see times when I've tried to be very much like Jo, & other times when I've tried to be more like Peter. I'm afraid the times when I've tried to be more like Jo I've been pushy & aggressive & difficult for Dawn to work with especially.
I Began to Worship Accomplishments & the Works of Man!
74. I got into worshipping accomplishments. When I first came to Europe I felt very small. I felt that Europe was so big & I was so little, & I felt so incapable. I felt if I could just love & encourage the Family & portray Dad & Mama's love to them that I would be doing my job & doing well. I remember being quite desperate, & therefore pretty dependent on the Lord. As time went on, the Work here in Europe became more established & began to make progress, especially the stats, as they began to climb. Then I began to measure my life in terms of accomplishments & I began worshipping the works of my own hands, so to speak. When I spoke I would try to be careful to give the Lord the credit, but I'm afraid that I would sort of say, "The Lord is accomplishing a lot through ME"—with a BIG "ME" & a LITTLE "Lord"!
75. This attitude may have culminated in my last report where I went to great lengths to explain the outreach accomplishments that have taken place in Europe over the last few months. And while I was not directly SAYING SO, I wanted to make sure that the Folks knew that I had my hand in that. I'm afraid that my attitude in this case was very much like the one that Jo expressed in his letter to his Teamworkers where he said he felt that he needed to EARN the Folks' love & approval by his works.
76. I wanted to present the Folks with all these marvellous works & accomplishments so that I could earn merit & approval, which of course is missing the whole point, that it's the LORD who does it all & the LORD who should get the credit & glory. It's a real worship of works, which of course is Man worship!—And in this case even more than MAN worship, it's SELF worship, putting forth my own works as if to somehow gain recognition & love & approval.
I Strayed from Dad's Teachings!
77. Looking at it now, it really surprises me how far off the beam & how against what Dad has written in the Letters this whole spirit of worshipping works & accomplishments & over-efficiency is. Over & over again Dad has stressed throughout the Letters, & it's stressed throughout the Scriptures as well, the need to go slow & to work prayerfully & to be utterly & desperately dependent upon the Lord. There's just Letter after Letter after Letter very plainly & clearly & emphatically putting forth this good & simple principle from every possible angle. Dad has hit on it from one end to another! Yet, in spite of all that, somehow it seems that these past two or three years many of us leaders have gotten into this works & "efficiency" trip, which really has no basis in the Letters. It's really surprising to see how much like SAUL it is & how little like DAD this whole works & efficiency trip is, & yet it's been so appealing to many of us. I know it has been to me. It was mentioned that this type of works trip is even ADDICTING. It's like a merry-go-round, & once you get on it you even suffer withdrawals to get off. It's almost like drug addiction.
Dawn's Sample of Prayerfulness!
78. During the time I worked with Jo in the East, there were times when I made an attempt to slow Jo down a bit. There were times when I could stand back a bit & see that Jo was moving too fast. At other times, however, I remember sort of getting a kick out of how fast Jo was moving, but not realising how DANGEROUS it was or how much it was influencing myself & others, such as Chris.
79. I've made the mistake & have had the wrong attitude since working together with Dawn of comparing her in an unfavourable way with Jo & with myself as well. When I first came to Europe I confessed to you & to Dawn that I had been comparing her with Jo & it has come up again from time to time. Especially recently, I got into feeling that Dawn was holding up the progress because of her hesitancy & her indecisiveness & what I considered to be her "weaknesses". But in reality, as Peter pointed out in his talk to us at the Summit '90 meeting, that woman leader who I may consider to be WEAK may be the one who is actually STRONG because she's the one who is hearing from the Lord & dependent on the Lord & being prayerful. I would say that this is definitely a strong point with Dawn, she is very prayerful.
80. It is quite ironic that now as I go on to Latin America, I would say that some of the things I've learned from Dawn—such as going slow & being prayerful & not being so sure of myself or so self-confident, but rather being apt to counsel & leaning more on the Lord & not on my own understanding—are all things that will be of great value to me in my new assignment. Whereas the things I learned from Jo—not to say that everything I learned from Jo's sample was bad, in fact I think in my own life learning to attack is a real important lesson for me & a very needed one—but I think by comparison, those lessons of attacking & efficiency & getting things done are not NEARLY as valuable as the lessons of being prayerful & dependent on the Lord.
81. Of course, the primary requisite for a leader is that he be a man in tune with God, & that is basically what leadership is all about. The irony of it lies in the fact that previously I would have considered Jo as a leader to be pretty much head & shoulders above most of us & above Dawn, due to his many gifts & talents & his ability to get things done, as well as his ability to inspire others. These, of course, are all God-given talents & abilities.—They're wonderful & the Lord does use them, but it is quite a new twist for me to see these gifts as something that can draw you away from the Lord & away from that simple, utter dependence on Him. This comes as a shocking revelation to me.
Reaction to "Stop, Look, Listen!"
82. During Peter's talk about Jo's lessons, he mentioned that he'd read "Stop, Look, Listen" that very morning & he highly recommended that we read it. So I read that Letter, & sure enough, it was as if I'd never read it before! It seemed so new & alive, with new truths that I'd never seen before! One interesting point that stood out to me right at the beginning of the Letter is where Dad says we get so into Bible prophecy, witnessing & memorising etc., but if you don't know how to PRAY you've got the letter of the law rather than the Spirit. I never saw this before, but to me it shows how far I've strayed from my First Love.
83. While we were praying after the talk from Peter about Jo, someone got the verse about the church of Ephesus. In that Scripture it lists the various positive points that the Lord was pleased with about the church in Ephesus, but at the end it says, "I have somewhat against thee because thou hast left thy First Love." (Rev.2:4) Another quote at the beginning of "Stop, Look, Listen" which really applies to Jo in that he is so gifted, & to any of us whom the Lord has gifted with various talents & abilities, is where Dad says, "I don't care how many gifts you have, if you don't keep in touch with the Lord all the time, you're in trouble."
84. In a meeting following the talk about Jo's lessons, Peter was sharing with us a bit about Dad's prayer life & how throughout the day Dad is constantly praying out loud & praising the Lord & thanking Him for His Creation, or praying over his food & thanking the Lord that his food is going down okay. We were talking about how a better prayer life, a life more FILLED with prayer, is something that we ALL need to work at—to cultivate that HABIT of really walking in prayer & praying out loud, being constantly in prayer.
85. We were discussing it & the question came up: "Well, HOW do you really do that?" We were looking at Dad's prayer life, & Mama's too, & seeing where we fall so very short of that. Peter was sharing that we may all fall short of it, but nevertheless that still remains the GOAL that we all need to work towards. It says right here in this old, old Letter, "Stop, Look, Listen," that prayer is something you're doing all the time no matter what else you're doing.
I Want to Catch These Lessons in the Spirit!
86. This whole principle of the works of the flesh versus grace, law versus grace, flesh versus spirit—seems to be a concept that is brought out not only in "Stop, Look & Listen," but also in the talk Peter gave. The overall idea that our service for the Lord has got to be a thing of the SPIRIT is also something that Jesus talked about throughout the Gospels. I've really prayed & asked the Lord to help me catch this whole principle in the Spirit & apply it in my life & change accordingly.
87. Sometimes when I've needed to receive correction, & I've seen this also apply when others were corrected, it's been necessary that I cooperate with the Lord & do my part in the Spirit or sometimes I don't really GRASP the lesson. It has very much been the case with me that believing & seeing things is a matter of the HEART & not only of the UNDERSTANDING. If I get in the Spirit & put my will & my heart over on God's side, THEN I'm able to see what He's trying to show me. I guess it's like that quote from St. Augustine where he says, "Don't try to understand that ye may believe, but believe that ye may understand." So I'm really trying to not only just UNDERSTAND this whole concept of walking in prayer & in the spirit & close to Jesus, but I'm trying to really CATCH IT IN THE SPIRIT.
Josiah's Got a Shepherd's Heart & He Can Really Take it!
88. I wanted to emphasise that in talking about Jo, I don't mean to in any way jump on him. Peter made the point that a lot of things came out with Jo because he happened to be one of the ones who was attending the first session of Summit '90 meetings, so Jo has been a bit of the guinea pig in that sense. But Peter emphasised that all of these lessons & principles apply very much to each one of us to one degree or another. I realise that in my case, these lessons apply to a very high degree.
89. Jo has very many good & strong points, but I'd like to point out one in particular. At the time I was working with Jo & Chris in the East, I felt that Jo was a very good Shepherd of our Teamwork. He was a real good "daddy" to both Chris & me. He expressed a lot of love & concern for the two of us. And even though our activities were revved up to a very high rpm & we moved along at quite a fast clip, it always very much touched my heart that Jo would take the time with me personally to see that I was doing okay & to shepherd me & to correct me if I needed it. I saw him really shepherd others also, & I can see that Jo is a leader with a genuine Shepherd's heart & a real love & concern for those working with him & under him.
90. I've always had a very special love for Jo, as well as a great admiration for him, as I know many others have too. Jo is a wonderful person, charming in every way & really quite a wonderful guy. But aside from his many talents & gifts & his being so wonderful, one thing that I especially love about Jo is that I believe he has a great love for the Lord & he's always been able to "take it". If I'm to continue to follow dear Jo's sample, then it looks as though I've come to a point in my life where I too need to be able to "take it". I really do want to take these lessons very deeply to heart & have a great change in this area.
The Advantages of Going Slow & Counselling!
91. Sometimes I've been reluctant to counsel with you or ask you about a situation, especially about an idea or project that I was CONVINCED was the Lord's Will that we implement, because my feeling was, "Well, since it's the Lord that we do it, let's do it RIGHT NOW!" This attitude is a product of this efficiency trip & this high-speed, high-powered approach to leadership.
92. The ironic thing about it, & Peter pointed this out in his talk, is that it's actually LESS efficient to go ahead with plans & ideas without counselling, because what often happens is later on down the line our projects just have to be either re-done or modified or adjusted.—Or worse yet, sometimes they've already been carried out beyond the point where they can take the changes & adjustments that may be needed. So actually, of course, it's more efficient to follow the Lord & counsel & go prayerfully, carefully & slowly. Like Dad has said, "It's better to go slow because at least you get there."
Getting Back to the Ways of David!
93. I realise that there's a balance in all of this. We're not supposed to sit around not getting anything done, we do need to attack & work hard & do our very best. But we also need to bathe our every action in prayer, & ask for the Lord's wisdom & walk with Him in all that we do. And above all, to be devoted to loving Jesus & really giving Him our hearts & our time & our lives & prayerfully going about the work that He's given us to do.
94. So, this talk that Peter gave about Jo was quite a shake-up for me, & I really hope that it can be a turning point in my life. I want to break out of my old fleshly habits & be rewired in the Spirit so I can break away from the way of SAUL & step back in to the way of DAVID, the way of the Spirit, & really walk with Jesus in my shepherding & leadership. PTL! ILYVVM!
Love, Dust
From Dawn
95. The two classes Peter gave on comparing & then Jo's lessons on the importance of prayerfulness really gave me the victory over some battles I had been having & helped me set my priorities back in place.
I Felt Incapable When Compared Negatively to Josiah!
96. I think the effect of Jo's sample & Dust's admiration for some of his qualities has been like fuel to this fire within me of feeling like I'm not capable & I'm just a "stand-in". Possibly a few examples would help clarify what I'm trying to say: When we originally arrived in Europe at the beginning of our assignment here, I could see that Dust was going through something. When we talked about it he confessed to me that he had been comparing me in a negative way & yielding to critical thoughts of me & thinking that if JO was here we'd already have made lots of decisions & things would really be moving.
97. Well, I cried & told Dust that I agreed with him totally, that I compared myself to Jo in a negative way too.—And I explained to Dust that although I had said "yes" to this job, it had been quite begrudgingly because I didn't feel capable. The Lord had to give me whooping cough right before I came, which seemed to me like He was saying, "You feel weak?—Just see how weak I can make you!" So I told Dust that I was here by faith & we just had to believe that the Lord was going to do it.
98. Dust would tell me stories of how in the East, they would go from one Delegates' Meeting to another with only a day or two in between, or from one big project straight to a Delegates' Meeting. Dust would suggest that we too could just hop on a train one day & hold a meeting the next, & he didn't feel we needed as much time as I felt we needed to pray & plan for it.
99. Well, there's probably a balance to this & I have learned a lot about having more faith for these sort of things from Dust, & I'm sure I have a lot more to learn, but situations like this made me think that I just wasn't the type for this "high-powered executive lifestyle" that seemed necessary to keep a field hopping.
Dust had Josiah on a Pedestal!
100. Dust did have Jo on a pedestal & lifted him up quite a bit to me, & I certainly felt inferior to him. And this negative comparison, mixed with my own problems, caused me to minimise the dependence that I feel I have on the Lord & my life with Him. Well, I know there's loads of room for improvement & I also know that I can lose it tomorrow if I turn away, but I feel that I do have a close link with the Lord. Of course, "close" is relative & I may be just barely scraping by compared with others, & I certainly pray it will grow & become closer & stronger, but my fellowship with the Lord is one of my greatest delights. When I get close to the Lord I feel like that verse, "Then I was by Him, as one brought up with Him, & I was daily His delight, rejoicing always before Him."—Prov.8:30.—It just makes me cry, He's so wonderful!
Depending on a Power "Greater Than I"!
101. I told Peter that I felt this expos was similar to the "coolness" expos & revolution that he had at the HCS with the teens, where the "cool guys" that everyone—including the girls—looked up to were exposed as being the uncool ones, & the ones who were more "spiritual" became where it was really at. I feel I was one of those girls who saw everyone looking up to & admiring the "strong" guys, & I began thinking that that must be where it's at in order to be a leader, so I tried to strive for something that was out of my reach.—And not only out of my reach, but probably not even the Lord's Will, as I feel that my inadequacies along some of these lines are what have kept me desperate & dependent on a power "greater than I".
102. So I was deceived, & I feel it was a case that my own doubts & questions about my calling in this leadership position left me open to falling prey to getting my eyes off the real priorities, as this persuasion certainly came not of you or of the Lord Who called me.
103. I again want to thank the Folks for the faith & trust they've shown me & for helping me build up that dependence on the Lord in my life. It surely is the greatest gift, which I feel I have them largely to thank for giving me, as they had the faith to put me in a position where I had nothing else & I HAD to cry out to the Lord! Of course, the Lord has made Himself dear & precious to me by His Love & often in the way of breaking this sheep's leg, so I could learn & know His Love above all. I wouldn't trade it for anything, & I pray now that I've learned to value it more than anything else that would be dangled in front of me, including other gifts & talents.
Much love, Dawn
From Endureth
104. I'm perhaps not the same type of personality as Josiah or some of the other more dynamic leaders or the strong men in the Family who are real pushy with their ideas & have such a hard time depending on the Lord because of their many talents & capabilities. I know for a fact that I'm not very talented & capable in many areas, so it makes me want to depend more on the Lord & others to get things done. I tend to acknowledge the Lord or make sure that we pray before meetings & take the time to counsel more with others to really get the Lord's mind on things, but I feel that in some ways it's become more of a religious ritual for me.
105. I've personally felt very dry spiritually, like I'm going through the motions of doing the right thing, but I haven't really felt that the Lord's Spirit & power was alive in my life like I know it needs to be in order to bear the right fruit for the Lord & not be operating in the arm of the flesh. So I have lots to learn along the lines of the lessons Jo shares in his letter to his Teamworkers.
Making More Time for the Word!—Without Feeling Guilty!
106. One thing that really stood out to me in the letter from Jo to his Teamworkers was how he mentioned that he had the attitude that any other busy activity was better than just stopping & getting in the Word & relaxing. This is an attitude that I've seen in a lot of our Homes. It's a real tendency that we in the Family have. That's like what Peter mentioned about making a god out of God's service, & how sometimes people actually feel GUILTY to just stop & just spend time in the Word when they don't have some other work to do. People often feel like they have to be constantly WORKING or else they're FAILING the Lord
107. This must be the fault of us as Shepherds. Somehow that must be the spirit that we're manifesting to our flocks—instead of really being reverent when they're having time in the Word & making it easy for them to get in the Word. I think sometimes people feel a little bit condemned if they just take some time off & are seen just sitting in their room & getting in the WORD, instead of getting into some other PROJECT.
108. This all sounds quite horrible to think that this would be happening in our Homes, but I feel that it's an overall spirit that I've seen in many situations, except those that have been closer to you. Like for example in Marianne's Home, she was a real good sample of making sure that people had their Word time scheduled. She was quite reverent about this & really respected it.
109. I'd say that in this way she was a tremendous sample. In many ways she didn't seem very strong herself & her sample of needing the Word was a really good one. There were so many times that I would go into her room & she would have books all over the bed & would be spending time with the Lord & in the Word. She had such a peaceful quiet attitude about things, real faith & trust, which I feel was such a good sample.
I was Trying to Please by My Works!
110. I also know I have that workaholic spirit in many ways, even though I don't feel that I'm actually very capable of doing so much & I don't fall into the category of someone who is very strong physically. I try to run really fast, but it doesn't take me long before I collapse. It's very humbling for me, because both my other two Teamworkers can keep going much longer than I can. This has definitely led to me getting quite discouraged. Now I see that I shouldn't be discouraged, but just learn how to pace myself better & do what I can do—& not expect to do more than I can.
111. This is such a liberation because I feel that my whole priority has been wrong in the way I looked at getting things done. I can relate to what Jo brought out in his letter, I too was definitely trying to please you by my works, instead of just pleasing the Lord & loving Him & knowing that He's going to do it through me. This is a real good lesson for me & I'm just as guilty.—Even though I may not be able to run as fast or keep up with some of the others, I still have these same weaknesses.
My Time Working with Josiah
112. I'm so thankful for the things Jo shared & I admire him so much for all that he's gone through & how well he comes through it. It really makes me love him more. I'd just like to share a few things & get them off my heart, as I feel I've been one of those people who has felt a bit confused by the sample that I've seen in Jo. Worse than confused, I felt that Jo's sample has ministered some wrong feelings & attitudes in my heart, which I would just like to confess here so that I don't give any room to the Enemy. I'm afraid in sharing these things that I'm going to sound self-righteous or critical of him, but I really pray it doesn't come across that way.
113. I really love Jo, he's one of the few people I ever fell so in love with, & therefore I am saying all of this with a lot of love still in my heart for him & respect for him. Having worked with Marianne & him at MWM & then working with Marianne afterwards, we saw then that Jo had this tendency to operate very fast & in the arm of the flesh, taking very little time for the Word.
114. Our personal relationship together was very much of a fleshly relationship. Though I feel that we did really love each other in many ways, our relationship wasn't built on much as far as the Lord goes. The times that we did try to get in the Word together were pretty much a flop as we would just end up making love the whole time.
115. Before saying any more, I wanted to mention that I know that since the days of MWM Jo has gone through many breakings & has come through these breakings a better vessel. I just hope in sharing this that it's not coming across as being AGAINST Jo. I want to go over my lessons & what I'm learning through the situation with Jo & how things had affected me in the past & how this is a real liberation for me.
Marianne's Emphasis on the Spiritual
116. I think I always sort of knew or felt that Jo had a weakness for operating quite a bit in the arm of the flesh & not taking much time for the Lord. This was even more obvious when Silas & I moved in with Marianne in her witnessing Home. The contrast was quite different in working at MWM with Jo & Marianne & then working alone with Marianne where a great deal of emphasis was put on the spiritual & the Lord & dependency upon Him. I thought Marianne was a beautiful example of this.
117. I really admire her & very often I look back at her sample of how she ran the Home & how so much priority was put on prayer & getting in the Word together & how she was very concerned for people's personal schedules, making sure that they had sufficient Word time & Get-Out & making sure that no one overdid & everybody got sufficient rest etc.
I was Confused by Josiah's Sample!
118. Later when I heard about the Work in the East really exploding & knowing that Jo had a great deal to do with that Work, I questioned things a little bit in my heart & felt a little bit confused, wondering if he was STILL operating the same way as before or had he really changed. I guess one thing that confused me is that I felt a little bit like what someone else said in a reaction to Jo's letter, how it seemed like everything he touched turned to gold. It just seemed to me that even if he WAS operating in the arm of the flesh, nevertheless things always went WELL for him.—He was so CAPABLE & TALENTED & was helping to ACCOMPLISH SO MUCH with the Work there in the East.
119. In my heart I always felt that perhaps he still had this weakness of operating in the arm of the flesh, & because I thought this I began to be a bit resentful. I'm just confessing this because I'd like to get it off my heart. I resented him a little bit & I just didn't understand how he could continue operating as he did when we were with him at MWM.—At least that's what I THOUGHT that he might be doing.
120. At the same time I was feeling this in my heart, I could also see all the ACCOMPLISHMENTS in the Far East & I knew that the Lord was mightily USING Jo. I guess I really admired that too & I wished I could be like that. So I was sort of torn between these two feelings. On the one hand I really admired him for his accomplishments & his talents & his fire. I know he has so much enthusiasm, he really knows how to rally the troops & get behind new pushes & he's just so talented. I really admire that. On the other hand, deep down in my heart I had this resentment towards him, or sort of a questioning attitude about his mode of operation & if he was leaning to the arm of the flesh still.
The Difference Between Peter's & Josiah's Samples!
121. Later I visited Japan when Peter was there & we were able to spend quite a bit of time there with him. I was relieved to be around Peter & to see the sample that he was. It set me free, because it's just so much easier for me to see the Lord in him & I didn't feel like I'm a failure around him.
122. Of course, I know that Peter is extremely talented & I certainly don't feel that I could compete or compare to the gifts & callings that the Lord has given HIM, but I don't have any feeling of condemnation when I'm around him. He ministers a lot of encouragement, whereas in other situations I've just felt condemned by the drive & talent of some of the other leaders. (Again, though, this is not to say that they were at fault, these are just some of the feelings I went through. These are MY weaknesses, not THEIRS.)
123. Anyway, after being around Peter at that time in Japan, I knew in my heart that the sample I saw in Peter was the goal to strive for. I knew that & believed it. I also was aware of the fact that around this time Jo had received some correction from Peter. After Peter's visit came to a close & I returned to my field, I continued to hear about all the tremendous testimonies of what was happening there & knowing that Jo was behind so much of it, I continued to wonder if Jo was leaning to the arm of the flesh & operating in his own strength. I again felt very confused as to what was really right. I went through a period of trying to analyse things or figure things out. And because I also wanted to "accomplish" a lot, I found myself striving to try to come up to the sample Jo was of really being a super-duper, go-getter, extremely talented pusher.
124. Then I read a portion of a report from another leader pointing out that leaders are different & working under different leaders was just different, & that was to be expected. So I applied that to the contrasting samples of Peter & Jo & I thereby reconciled this question that I had in my heart that things maybe weren't right or that something was wrong with Jo's sample sometimes by saying, "Well, both Peter & Jo love the Lord & they're just totally different people & they operate in totally different ways, but it's not that ONE is so much better than the OTHER." This is the way I excused my feelings, but I drew the WRONG CONCLUSION.
Reading Jo's Letter Set Me Free!
125. That's why this talk & reading Jo's letter to his Teamworkers were such a relief to me, as it sets me free to know which sample is right & what direction we should be going. I'm so far from being that sample myself, but it sets me free to know what is the right thing so that I won't be pulled between the flesh & the Spirit, which is what I felt a great deal of the time.
126. Jo's letter clarifies to me that he was operating quite a bit in the arm of the flesh. I see now that although he did accomplish a lot, that it came at a price, the price of overwork, of people pushing too hard, of not enough prayer, not enough communion with the Lord, not enough rest & not enough emphasis on spiritual things, which is so much more important than the physical. One question I had was, if Jo was working so much in the arm of the flesh, why did the Lord let him go on & accomplish so much, why didn't the Lord cause the whole Japanese Work to crumble which would show that it was built on the wrong foundation?—As has been the case in other areas in the past. I now see that the Lord knew that Jo was going to change & that it therefore wasn't necessary to take such drastic action to teach him & others this lesson. Because of the Lord's love for both Jo & the Japanese Work, He allowed the Work to continue & prosper.
127. (Ed. note: Yes, that's true. Another reason the Work prospered is because the Lord had a number of other top leaders involved in the Work there: Paul P., Abi, Sara, Isaac, Chris, Dust, Marianne & even Peter for awhile. The Folks, too, played a major role in helping the Japanese Work grow & prosper. Perhaps if Jo had been the main leader without all of these other leaders there to help, the Work might have collapsed. But with so many of our top leaders there, it helped balance Jo's tendency to operate in the arm of the flesh. Maybe the reason the field prospered as much as it did was largely due to all the help poured in by the Folks & other leaders, more than because Jo was working so hard. Perhaps the impression that the field was doing so good because of Jo, was a bit flawed, as all of these others had quite a bit more influence than most people realise.)
Nobody's Perfect!
128. There was one other thing I wanted to mention about Jo's letter to his Teamwork. When reading it, at first I had a trial. At the time I felt like such a mess, because I was realising how much I had failed & how far I have to go to be more dependent on the Lord & more of the Shepherdess that I'm supposed to be. And then I got hit with thinking, "Not only is Jo so talented, but when he gets corrected, he can take it so well! The guy's just almost PERFECT at everything, even correction & changing & becoming a new creature."
129. I really rebuked that thought! I knew that it was the Enemy, but I did get hit with that at first. The first few paragraphs were a little hard to get down because I just kept thinking, "This guy does EVERYTHING well, even correction & changing & everything!" Then when I got to the paragraph where he talks about how HE didn't figure out any of this himself, he had to be TOLD, it really touched my heart. It was a real blessing to read that it wasn't because of his own righteousness or anything that he figured all these things out or came through it, but he was just like all the rest of us, & he had to be told & have these things pointed out to him.
130. Anyway, I pray that all this doesn't sound really horrible & like I don't love & respect Jo, because I honestly don't think I could go through what HE'S gone through & take it like he has. He's been such a sample of taking public correction & reproof & has come through it & has grown closer to the Lord & been even more mightily used by Him. I can't even imagine going through all that! I really do love & admire him, I just wanted to confess these things & get them off my heart.
Thanks for All These Beautiful Lessons!
131. I want to thank you again for this privilege & opportunity to be able to be at these meetings. I was starting to feel a bit dry & in need of spiritual renewal. I am weak on really getting it from the Lord myself, which is exactly what you've been sharing with us that we need to improve in. I'm just so thankful for this time of being poured into & all these incredibly beautiful lessons. I know none of it's anything new & it's all in the Word, but having it brought down & pointed at us specifically really renews my conviction to try to live these things & do better & really make an effort to change in some of these areas.
132. I know there's so much more to be done & so much more we can do to help the Family & I see so much clearer even how to help them now. So I'm really excited & thankful & just can't thank you enough. I love you & appreciate all that you've done for us & know I can't in any way pay you back, just like the Lord. But I pray that at least we can be faithful to do our best & I know that the Lord will do the rest.
I love you!—Endureth
FROM PHILIP:
133. I've got a lot of the same faults that Jo does, & the Lord had been working on these different areas of my life. But I've allowed myself to fall back into some of these weaknesses by looking at the amount of things other people accomplish. I can see that this is an area I'm going to need to be really prayerful about & not try to imitate Jo or other leaders, but learn to live more in the Word & imitate Jesus, & let Jesus live through me more.
134. Being too dogmatic & rigid in my suggestions or proposed answers is one of my biggest NWOs also. And what ended up happening as a result of this weakness was that people came to ME for answers instead of going to the LORD & His WORD. Because the Lord has given me a lot of training & has inspired me with different ideas, sometimes it's so easy for me just to spout them off. What I need to do is learn to bite my tongue & not talk so much, but allow the Lord to do it, giving Him the glory & allowing Him to work more through others. Like the lesson Jo shared, in meetings I too should try to listen & pump people power more, rather than trying to preach & push MY ideas, or in some cases even advise others about how good my ideas are!
135. What Jo shared about trying to avoid expressing himself or holding back his opinion until the very end of the meeting, as the leader of it, is definitely something I need to work on more consciously. I know this is a real fault that I have & an area I need a lot of help on. When different people have good ideas, I haven't even given them the time to completely express them the way they wanted to, but in trying to finish it up quickly or get to the point more directly, I've ended up finishing their sentences for them—all in an effort to try to save time. This has been a long-standing NWO with me & something that Sara talked with me about at the Jumbo. With the Lord's help I've tried to work on it, but I know I've got a long ways yet to go.
Love, Philip
From one of Jo's Former Secretaries:
136. I was thinking about when I was under Josiah's shepherding. I really liked that big work load that we had with lots of pushing, & that tendency is still with me—how I like to be like that! LFM! So it was very good to hear about the detriments of living at that fast level. I remember after our Red Alert & then when Josiah left our Home, it was really hard to come down from that quick pace, it was like decompressing or something. I don't mean this in a derogatory way, because I did learn a lot under Josiah's shepherding.
137. Hearing Jo explain why he should no longer live like that was really convicting & sobering. I was thinking how maybe it's harder for people who have quite good health to go slower—those who are robust & rarely sick & hardly ever even get a headache. It can be such a deception when you feel great physically, & it's easy to think, "So why not work MORE, get more done, go more—why WASTE how good I feel?"—I'm saying that about myself, because I've often thought that; & sometimes that feeling inside of wanting to get up & go wars against the need to sit still & be quiet with the Lord & His Word.
From Another of Jo's Former Secretaries, Now in a WS Unit:
138. I was very impressed with Jo's honesty & how he presented his NWOs without any padding or grand explanations. Hearing him talk so directly about his weaknesses & the areas where he misses the mark helped to clarify in my mind some of the things I wondered about him. I don't mean to say "I wondered about Jo" as if I was so aware of those things or I saw it all along, & neither did I consciously try to dissect his walk with the Lord—but some things about Jo you just can't help but notice—ha!
139. It's funny how just a few days before we read his letter, I was subconsciously comparing how differently things run here in our Unit than in Jo's Office. The reason I started thinking about that is because we are in a big "push" right now.—And although we do have a deadline & lots to do, there isn't a feeling of tension or stress or like you just have to kill yourself working away to all hours of the night. Whereas with Jo, if there was a deadline I would feel like I had to work as many hours as possible & really give the impression I was "pressing in". If you weren't at your desk he would kind of give you the ol' eagle eye as if to say, "Hey, don't you know we're in an EMERGENCY?!" Even if there was no deadline or really no NEED to be in such a rush, Jo just seemed to thrive on that fast pace & he liked to see everybody under him go as fast as possible.
140. The funny thing is that when I compared his work habits with the schedule here & our Shepherd's way of managing the Home, I drew the WRONG conclusion. Rather than seeing that the "cram, stress, pressure syndrome" that has been very prevalent in Jo's lifestyle is actually wrong & dangerous, I just figured he had a different "style" of working—or else I figured that his work was genuinely so much more urgent than ours that the pressure was unavoidable & therefore acceptable. I thought the work load & his frantic pace was the result of his deadlines. I figured Dad & Mama knew about the deadlines, so therefore I figured the pace of their work must be right & okay. Maybe there were a few occasional deadlines he did get, but most were self-imposed. After reading his letter, now I see how for NORMAL activities that pressure is really DANGEROUS.
141. Also while comparing the two different ways of running things—how Jo runs things & how things work here—I felt really thankful that we don't work under such stress here. I felt relieved that my overseer here doesn't constantly call me to check on how much longer it will be before I finish a certain project etc. That kind of stress really seems to take a toll on me after a while because I just can't relax that way. I thought about the load we all had when working around Josiah & it made me think, "Boy, we've really got it easy here!" When actually, it's not that it's "EASY" here, it's just NORMAL!—The way that it should be!
142. There's a funny contradiction about Jo, because when you're around him you see him get so much done & everything he touches seems to turn to gold—his life seems to be so blessed, yet if you happen to live in his personal quarters, you seldom see him communing much with the Lord or taking much time with Him. This seems to negate such age-old quotes as: "You can't do the Master's work without the Master's power". After working with Jo for so long I began to think, "Oh YES you CAN, if you work at it HARD enough!" Ha! So subconsciously you get the feeling that that's okay, as long as you produce the goods & get a lot done, which is wrong because you're doing it in the arm of the flesh & not in the spirit.
143. Once again, it's not like I saw all these flaws in Jo & I think he's a real tough taskmaster who makes life miserable. Actually, he is really fun & he keeps things lively—there's never a dull moment. But for the sake of my own training & being able to benefit from the time I worked with him, it is nice to be able to know which parts of his shepherding or leadership skills were not quite right.
144. One of the most outstanding points of his letter for me was where Jo explained how he realised Dad & Mama don't love us according to how much we "contribute" to a situation, & that our contribution or our production does not supercede our relationship with the Lord & going about things in the right way.
145. Jo's sample has been such an encouragement because in spite of his shortcomings & weaknesses, the Lord keeps using him & even entrusting him with more responsibility.—Because he takes his correction & tries to do better. This is really a good sample of that. It gives me a peaceful feeling to see how Dad & Mama are so trusting & expect the best of people, even when they have had to have some major correction or are undergoing a major revamping. PTL!
—Maria #121DO 26283/90
Dear Sweet Jo,
1. After receiving all the wonderfully encouraging news, I just HAD to write you & tell you how thankful to the Lord I am for you & for the wonderful work you're doing! I'm just thrilled & I'm really proud of you! I've got to say, Jo, that you're certainly making up now for your weaknesses of the past. And now by contrast people are going to get the message even more clearly than they might have before if you hadn't operated the WRONG way! I'm just overjoyed to know that you not only learned the THEORY but you actually are putting it into PRACTICE now. What a miracle! Thank the Lord! The Lord has been able to do it because of your yieldedness, willingness & desire to really do the right thing for the Lord.
2. Jo, as I'm sure you expected, Peter was able to use your sample & your lessons as a major illustration in the second Summit '90 meetings to help the other leaders understand what he was talking about & to understand the contrast between operating in the arm of the flesh & doing things more in the Lord's Spirit & more slowly & prayerfully. So if you've felt bad at all that you were ever a bad sample to any of these leaders, I think you certainly have been able to make up for it & remedy it in that your example was very useful & very eye-opening for those who were attending.
3. Don't worry, Jo, not only your bad sample was discussed but also your very GOOD sample in that you took the lessons, you yielded to the change & you not only got the point mentally & intellectually but you were able to put it into practice & start living it. So the Delegates not only heard the talk that Peter & Paul gave you but they were also able to read your "Dear Teamworkers" letter, as well as hear the wonderful news from your own mouth through some of your reports, which Peter passed on to them to read. They can all see how wonderfully you have changed & what a wonderful sample you are now to all of going more slowly & more prayerfully & operating more in the Spirit.
4. So all across the board, you were a wonderful example to use, Jo, & I'm really thankful for your willingness to allow your mistakes, shortcomings & victories to be used in this way. I know it's not the easiest thing; in fact, it's quite painful. But you've always been a very good sample of this & have had lots of practice at it, so maybe it's getting a little easier by now. GBY! You're wonderful!—I really love you & so do the leadership who attended the second session of Summit '90, & we all very much admire you!
5. Nobody was jumping on any bandwagon to try to criticise you, as the other Summit '90 leaders all love & admire you very much & have said so numerous times. However, because they DO admire you so much & have tried to imitate you, they have felt inferior, discouraged & sometimes confused when they were not able to keep up with your level of accomplishment. We commended you very highly for being hard-working, diligent, dedicated & efficient, but we had to point out that these things need to be balanced with MORE PRAYER & MORE WORD & MORE COMMUNION with the Lord. It's true that some people don't work hard ENOUGH, & THEY need to press in a lot more, show more dedication & sacrifice, & labour more diligently for the Lord. It's just that we must be careful that our working hard does not crowd out our time with the Lord.
6. I think all the leadership in their taped reactions expressed very sincere admiration for you, Jo, in quite a few areas.—Expressing specifically that you have a real Shepherd's heart & that you really love people & understand them & are able to have a real rapport with them that helps them very much, & that you've taught them a great deal that they very much appreciate & will always be grateful to you for. And now they also very much want to imitate your GOOD newly-developed habits of prayerfulness & slowness & operating in the spirit rather than so much in the arm of the flesh.
7. Jo, I hope you understand that we aren't pointing you out exclusively, because certainly we ALL operate in the arm of the flesh sometimes & it's really a matter of degree, & we're all learning to operate more in the Spirit & be more dependent on God & His Word. But I guess because you have worked with so many of these other leaders, & you are quite a charismatic personality, that you have had a great influence on them, so therefore they know you & they have worked closely with you & they know your style of leadership & they've tried to imitate that.
8. So you & your situation did make a very good illustration to use, & I think everybody got the point. I'm sure the Lord is going to bless you for YOUR getting the point in the first place, enabling the OTHERS to, in turn, get it as well. I don't think that they really could've gotten it nearly as well if YOU hadn't led the way & gone out & fought BEFORE them to learn that lesson yourself. And as I said, we're ALL learning it, it's a matter of degree, & the goal is to try to continually be getting closer to the Lord, more dependent on Him, more dependent on His Word & more prayerful constantly.
9. I love you so much. I love you for your love for the Lord. Someone reminded me of that verse the other day that says, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in Truth." (3Jn.4)—And that really is the thing that makes me the happiest—to know that you're sticking real close to the Lord & that you're right in the center of His Will, yielded to Him, doing what He wants you to do.
10. A lot of times I don't really feel like "Mama", I feel more like one of the children myself, more like your bungling big sister. There're lots of lessons that I'm learning myself. The Lord's teaching me the same lesson that He's teaching you, Jo, by what He's done with my eyes, & I think that's been made very clear in the Letters. So I'm not guiltless either!—We're ALL guilty of operating too much in the arm of the flesh & leaning on the arm of the flesh. The Lord said I was doing that in leaning on my eyes so much. So we've all been learning it, but isn't it wonderful how the Lord uses different ways to teach each one of us, so individually tailored to our individual needs. PTL!
11. There's one thing I would like to ask your permission for, Jo, & that is to put some of the reactions of the leaders who have been working with you in the FSM. We would also like to print your "Dear Teamworker" letter as well as probably excerpts from your latest report to us showing how the Lord's working in your life & your prayerfulness & your desire to do things differently this time. So Jo, if you have any reservations at all about us publishing any of this, please let me know. If we don't hear from you we'll just go ahead. I think everyone will be quite impressed with your sample, a good sample of a wise man who is wiser today than he was yesterday.
12. Jo, don't let anybody intimidate you into moving too fast. I'm referring now to the comments that different people in your local situation made about how you're going slower & they don't know if they're going to be able to get enough work done.—Just don't let that bother you. Just tell them that you're doing what you're SUPPOSED to do & what WE want you to do, what the LORD wants you to do, what's going to really get the MOST done in the long run in the best way possible.—And that's what THEY should be doing too—following your example, going slow & being prayerful, & that's what you're there to teach them.
13. Just tell them you're sorry you learned it so late, but you HAVE learned it & that's what you're supposed to be trying to teach them. God bless you for getting everybody around you in the Word & prayer more, too! I'm real proud of you! TYJ! You're laying the right foundation of the building.
14. You're certainly right, Jo, that I never chided you for going too slow; in fact, I want to COMMEND you for going slower on asking for answers to your questions & slower on implementing major moves. I love you so much & I'm so happy to see how you take your correction, how you've changed & become a "new creature in Christ!"
Much love & admiration—Mama.
Copyright 1996 The Family