MEGA SKILLS--By Dorothy Rich
What can parents do?: For years parents were told, "Hands off, you don't know what you are doing, leave teaching to the schools." Over twenty years ago, I decided I had to find a way to help parents know what they could do & what they should do to help children learn. The answer: Figure out what your family can do. Come up with a system that works. Don't make it too hard or too big. Make it simple, easy & everyone can do it. Make it practical. Make it enjoyable.
Remember, it doesn't take a lot of time to do a lot of good. Get people doing things together. You don't need to be perfect to be good, & that goes for your children too. Convey to your children that learning matters, & that they matter. Encourage kids & feel encouraged yourselves.
Start now. Don't worry about what you did or did not do before. The education in this book is serious, but it's not grim. It's play & pleasure & the delight in learning & in time spent together.
MegaSkills are the very basic values, attitudes & behaviours that determine a child's achievement. MegaSkills are our children's inner engines of learning. Though reinforced in the classroom, they get their power from the home:
1. Confidence: Feeling able to do it
2. Motivation: Wanting to do it
3. Effort: Being willing to work hard
4. Responsibility: Doing what's right
5. Initiative: Moving into action
6. Perseverance: Completing what you start
7. Caring: Showing concern for others
8. Teamwork: Working with others
9. Common Sense: Using good judgment
10. Problem Solving: Putting what you know & what you can do into action.
MEGASKILLS & OUR CHILDREN
A MegaSkill, like confidence, is a long-lasting, achievement-enhancing skill. It's what makes possible the use of the other skills that we learn. A MegaSkill is a catalyst. It's like yeast making bread rise.
These aren't only MegaSkills, but they play a strong role in determining success in school & beyond. They don't drop from the sky & land on a lucky few. They can be taught at home by parents, even today. They are the values that undergird our work ethic, our character, & our personal behaviour.
I Care About You: Many children today feel they are not getting the time they need. I've heard the excuses, & there aren't any good ones. "I'm just too busy" & "My kid doesn't want to do anything with me, anyway," are not acceptable, not now when our children need parents as much as they do.
What does this time together do? It says to a child, "I care about you. I want to spend special time with you. I want to hear what is on your mind & what you are feeling. You are important. You are needed."
Children need time to relax & to think & to be on their own, & so do parents. It doesn't take a lot of time to do a lot of good.
Our Children's World: A Scary Place: The World is increasingly a frightening place. When I went to school, no one offered me drugs. AIDS was unheard of. The music I listened to had sweet lyrics & melodies compared to today's torrid words & music. There seemed to be a communally shared sense of right & wrong & a greater sense of safety.
Looking around you now, it seems that children are being told & shown more than they want to know or need to know. It's as if anything goes, & it is making real growing up harder. Parental guidance is more than suggested. It's essential.
Today many children are full of stress. Time spent with children is the best possible vaccine that families can use.
Hope: A Vital Ingredient: There's a well-known story of two children put in a room that contains a big pile of manure. One child looks at the pile & falls into despair. The other starts searching the room, saying, "With all this manure, there must be a pony somewhere."
We can help children feel more hopeful & optimistic. Children need to be able to expect & to predict. They need a sense of schedule & of routine. Children need to be able to believe in themselves & in the people around them. Children need to feel that they matter.
THE MEGASKILLS PROGRAM & HOW IT WORKS
I said to myself, "There has got to be a better way," when for the tenth time that day my darling child said: "I forgot," or "I can't find them anywhere," or "I want to watch more TV," or "I need some money."
We all want our children to remember, to be responsible, to be concerned. As a teacher I thought, "If I can figure out how to teach the parts of speech, I ought to be able to come up with some ways to help teach these important basics."
Using what I knew from the classroom, I decided that my method would focus on what is to be taught & then break it into teachable bits--like the directions of a recipe.
That was the beginning of the home learning recipe. It is the heart of the program.
It Starts At Home: This program uses everyday things, like doing laundry or paying bills, & going places, like supermarkets or gas stations, for teaching. It is easy. It is fun. It takes little time. Everyone can do it. It costs no money. The idea is to enable children to apply what they learn.
Common Sense is Still in Fashion: In recent years education became the job for the school. Today there is research showing that families are important educators of their children, teaching even when they don't know they are teaching. No matter how good they are, teachers cannot do the job alone. This book provides a way to think about & use everyday moments for teaching & learning. Children need physical activity & opportunity to ask questions, to explore, & to experiment without competitive pressures.
What's in a Home Learning Recipe?--A home learning recipe has to:
1. Tie to schoolwork but not be schoolwork: Children need ways to succeed at home that are different from school but at the same time help them succeed in school. Parents need ways to help their children learn other than by nagging, "Did you do your homework?"
2. Be serious & be fun at the same time.
3. Have a teachable focus: You don't send a very young child upstairs to "clean a room." You send a young child to do one thing: To make a bed or to vacuum the rug or to open the shades. It's even helpful to resist sending an older youngster to "clean up that whole mess at once." Good teaching is a step-by-step operation.
4. Be easy to do, take little time, & cost little or no money: Parents can teach & learn with their children joyously, without worry, without hassle. I needed activities that could be done alongside my household routines, using whatever I had at home. Today's busy parents need these easy-to-do "recipes" more than ever. Use these ideas to take off on your own, using your & your child's creativity to come up with additional "recipes".
A good home learning recipe gives everyone a chance to succeed. There is no one right way to do it. A recipe is a road map, not a set of rigid rules. The activity itself is designed to provide a feeling of accomplishment. It gives parents a chance to step back & children a chance to step forward. The idea is to help both parent & child feel good & get to know each other better in the bargain.
Different "Recipes" for Different Ages: What works for preschoolers won't work for fifth graders. Parents have to be ready to change gears. Around ages four through six, many of the "recipes" have to do with getting ready for school & using primary school subjects like counting, sorting & early reading at home.
Around ages seven through nine, many of the "recipes" focus on helping children get organised, build study skills, & develop solid work habits.
Around ages 10 through 12, "recipes" work toward helping children understand themselves, their friends, & their family. Activities aim at developing greater self-reliance, building career awareness, & establishing healthy habits & self-esteem that can help prevent destructive habits, such as drug abuse.
These are not hard & fast age & grade distinctions. Use all & any of the activities that appeal to you & your child.
For children who do not yet read, I recommend that parents read all directions aloud, that children dictate their ideas for parents to write, & that symbols be used alongside words as needed. In labelling a dresser drawer, draw a sock next to the word "socks."
We use a series of eight "recipes" over a period of eight weeks, one a week. This is designed to get parents & youngsters tuned in to the idea of using "recipes". Read through the entire collection of "recipes" first, starring or checking the ones that appeal to you. Then ask your child to help you select the ones you both like. Work at your own schedule--but guard against overkill. Once a week is really fine. You can build a whole year of activities as you go along.
Staying with the Program: Use them on a regular basis. If you've used one part of an activity, go back to it to find the extra idea you haven't tried. Think of ways you can build on what you have done. Improvise, be creative.
MEGASKILL ONE: CONFIDENCE
We know what we're hearing when children say: "I just can't do that." "The other kids are better than I am." "I'm scared." "I won't try it." We're hearing a child's cry for more confidence. "I remember the potholder I made in third grade, made out of loops that were yellow, red, gold & orange. It was a present I made to give to my mother, & oh, was she proud. And did it make me feel good!"
Those are the words of a man in his late fifties. He has a doctorate & many scientific achievements on his resum. But when asked about his sense of confidence, he talks about the potholder.
I still remember the day I carried Rocky, the rooster, home in a crate bigger than I was. It was the last day of first grade. About fifteen of us lined up to draw slips for our chickens. I was a winner. I struggled with that big box over the six blocks to my home. My brother came by a couple of times to try to help me with it, but I refused. This was my chicken, my achievement, & I would bring him home alone.
I have never forgotten Rocky & the day I carried him home alone. It is a memory of struggle & success that gives me confidence & motivation to this very day. When I have to do something hard & when I get scared, I think back to Rocky & that crate, & even though it has nothing to do with the current situation, I breathe deeper & think to myself, "I can do it."
Confidence Practice: Confidence ebbs & flows like a river. It does not run at high tide all the time. Coming up with confidence-building experiences for children can be a challenge. These experiences need to be small enough for children to deal with, large enough to encourage growth, & easy enough for parents to work with. You can start at home with household objects, such as a telephone.
Here are a few activities, all using the phone:
Telephone Time--ages 4-6
For this early reading activity, you need a telephone, seven small squares of paper, crayon or pencil. Tell or show your child your home telephone number. Say each separate number aloud as you point to it.
On separate pieces of paper, write down each number. Now show your child how to put the pieces in the same order (left to right) as your phone number. Let your child read this telephone number aloud from the assembled pieces of paper. Provide help as needed.
As a game, mix up the pieces of paper & let your child put your telephone number together. At first let your child match the papers to the number listed on the phone. Then try this without looking at the phone. Now ask your child to write down the phone number, left to right, on a larger piece of paper. You might want to post this for all to see & admire.
When you are both out together, let your child dial home. Do this when someone is at home to give your child the satisfaction of making contact.
Calling For Help--ages 7-9
This activity helps your child learn to use the telephone to report emergencies. Ask your child to find in the telephone book the numbers for Fire/Rescue & Police, usually listed at the front of the telephone book.
If you don't already have one, make a list of important telephone numbers to call in an emergency, similar to the one that follows. With your child, fill this in & put it near the phone.
Emergency:
Fire ____________________
Dad's Work_______________
Police___________________
Mom's Work_______________
Friend or Neighbour______
Take turns explaining what to say on the phone when you report emergencies. Examples: Someone at home is hurt; you smell smoke or see fire. When you use the phone in this practice, be sure to keep the contact button pushed down.
From Things to People: In the journey of growing up, children must learn to manage objects & work with people. Confidence comes from both. In the activities that follow, children find out more about their families & themselves, & they get a chance to learn to like each other more. I believe that if children knew more about their parents, especially about their early lives, it would help.
I'm Okay, & So is My Family: Children love knowing more about themselves. Parents like this activity because it not only helps children think seriously about themselves but provides lots of laughs, too. It helps families remember the funny times that sometimes seem funny only in retrospect--the time the big fish got away, along with the fishing rod, or the time friends were invited for a birthday party on the wrong day.
The Importance of Me--ages 4-9
The task is to make a "me" poster. You need markers, poster cardboard or large paper, scissors, paste, old magazines for pictures, & snapshots, if possible.
Together look through magazines. Find pictures of what your child likes--pets, foods, clothes. Cut them out & with paste arrange them on a large sheet of paper. Magazine pictures are fine. If you have extra snapshots, use them.
An activity like this one says to your child, "You are special, & your family knows it."
Now & Then--ages 10-12
This activity helps to get generations talking together, especially about those early years. Everyone was a child once. Here's a way to share some of those memories.
In this activity, the child & a parent or grandparent make a Time Line. It's a way to recapture memories of people at certain times in their lives.
You need a roll of shelf paper or large brown wrapping paper, pencils & crayons, & a ruler.
Decide together with your child when to begin the Time Line. This may be at birth or when school started or some other special time. Decide how much space will be allowed for each year. One inch per year or one foot per year? Draw a line for each one of you.
Talk about the memories. Compare similar experiences. Talk about differences. For example, at no time in my life have I experienced such a momentous decision as my parents did when they decided to immigrate to a new, unknown country.
Another way to harvest memories without using a Time Line is to have children interview grandparents & relatives who lived through different periods of American (or family) history.
Young people may want to start their own family archives by putting all these family memories in a book to share with their own children.
What Do I Do Right?--ages 10-12
Many of us spend a lot of time telling each other what we do wrong. Here's an activity to help us focus on what we're doing right. You need paper & pencil.
Together think of & write down at least two things you like about yourselves. Example: "I have a good sense of humour. I like to share with others." Talk about what others say they like about you.
Figure out together jobs & activities at home that both you & your child will feel proud of accomplishing. Examples: Fixing something around the house, cooking a special dish for the family, teaching the family a new game.
Try to set a time every day, if only for a few minutes, to talk about the events of the day. If you're available to listen to your children when they are young, chances are they'll continue to communicate with you as they grow older.
It Takes Courage: "It takes courage to make courage." We want children to be careful but not fearful. Work towards a gradual building of the abilities it takes to be courageous & careful at the same time.
I have a problem with heights. When my young children went to the top of the big slide in the playground, my immediate reaction was to shout, "Stop! Come down! You'll hurt yourself!" They were perfectly happy up there high in the sky. I was the one who was petrified. It took some time for me to pull my own courage together, to let them be courageous & free from the seeds of my fear.
Confidence & Expectations: In California a few years ago, a study showed that "ordinary" students could exceed themselves when expectations for them were high.
Researchers went into a school & tested the students for academic potential. Ignoring the score, they told teachers that one group was made up of "late bloomers" whose academic "promise" would be realised that year. At the end of the year the "promise" was realised. This group was comparable with their classmates as far as could be established, but their teachers had expected them to succeed & they had.
Children learn--by trying. When they try, they build confidence. When children see themselves as doers, they develop the ability to do more.
MEGASKILL TWO: MOTIVATION
When they have it, it shows: You see your children wanting to do things, eager to learn. They do schoolwork & household jobs without a lot of nagging. They make plans for the next day, for the next week.
Parents can help with activities that generate a child's excitement in learning. But children have to catch this fire & start fueling up on their own. In this chapter are activities that help children gain a sense of discipline it takes to stay motivated, to work against discouragement, & to face competition & challenge. It helps to learn:
--How to break down jobs into manageable "bites."
--How to set & keep to time limits.
There was a picture in the paper the other day of a ninety-one-year-old woman who had just climbed Mount Fuji. Now that's what I call motivation. She was quoted as saying, "You always feel good when you've made a goal. You need goals."
A special ingredient found in motivation is the ability to work against discouragement & to keep on going. Attitude counts for so much. How do people become motivated? We can't catch "fire" for our kids, but they can catch some of our fire. The fire does not have to be a bonfire. A low, low simmer will do. One way is to share our own excitement. Remember, children are born motivated, not bored.
Just Outside--any age
While your children are young, start to share & discover the joy & mystery of the World: a walk as it's turning dark, a stroll through light rain. Talk together about what you're sensing & feeling. Stay up together to see the moon rise & get up early one day to watch the sun rise. Use a magnifying glass to look closely at those small objects that fascinate small children. Listen to the wind & the birds. Smell the rain & the burning wood in the fireplace. Observation & use of the senses are crucial to a scientist & to a poet.
Shopping Center Stroll--ages 4-7
Most of the time we shop at breakneck speed with kids being dragged along. Try a walk with no other purpose than to show your children some of what goes on backstage at the local stores. Go into the florist's & watch the making of corsages. And go "backstairs" in the supermarket, if permitted. That's where the supplies are kept & where the meat is cut...where the action that makes the market look good takes place.
Sitting & Watching--ages 4-7
There's a lot to be seen & learned while watching the workers at a construction site, at an airport or rail station, or at your own corner.
Getting Around--ages 8-12
Learning to get around without a car can be a valuable lesson. Gather bus route maps & schedules to a place around town. Let children use the schedules to figure out what transportation is available, how much time it will take, & how much it will cost.
Beyond Nagging: I'd like to think that nagging works because it is such a handy thing to do. But like millions of parents, I have found that nagging can do just the opposite of what it is intended to do. It can motivate kids not to do things. Cutting down on nagging, in contrast, can be a motivating factor, one that works for both parent & child.
The No-Nag Writing System--any age
For practice, announce that for five minutes no one will talk. Instead you will send notes. Try this out at the breakfast table. Choose at least one nagging problem that is important to you & your child. Promise each other that instead of nagging, for one whole week you will send each other reminder notes.
Set up a message center for these reminders. A bulletin board in the kitchen or family room is a good place. Or post reminders around the house. Leave the notes in the bathroom, on the stairs, or on other places where they will be seen. A note left on the pillow always seems to work!
The First Step--any age
The old Chinese saying is true: "The longest journey starts with a single step." The first step in doing something can be the hardest.
Ask children to tell you about any first times they remember. It might be the first day at school, the first grade they received on a paper, the first time they tried to ride a bike or swim the pool.
First steps are hard. We tend to say, "Aw, come on, that's easy," but it's not. Our goal in helping to motivate children is to help them gain the optimism & the courage to take more first steps. That is the lesson we have to teach, & one way to teach it is by sharing our experiences.
Time Me--ages 4-6
This activity will help your child better understand the difference between "a few seconds" & "a few minutes." You need a clock or watch with a second hand.
Ask your child to watch the second hand for five seconds. Together count off the seconds. Put this into action. Time it again & see how many times your child can clap in five seconds. Now have your child watch the clock for one minute. Then time it again & see how far you can both count in one minute. Together read a book for five minutes. Time yourselves. How many pages did you read? Hold your breath for five seconds. Let your child time you. Then trade places. Time yourselves as you both say the alphabet aloud. Together time a traffic light as you stand at a street corner.
Tell Me--ages 4-9
Teachers in the early grades tell us that children have trouble listening. Think of a real job at home that your child can do. It might be setting the table, taking out the garbage, bringing in the newspaper, hanging up clothes. Think of three or four instructions for this job. Ask your child to listen carefully as you say them. Example: "Take out four forks, four knives, & four spoons. Put them on the table in four place settings. Put the fork on the left, the knife & spoon on the right."
Let your child give you instructions to follow. They can be as easy or as complicated as you & your child want. In this way, you individualise this activity to suit your child.
Excuses Don't Count--ages 7-12
Make a chore chart for the hours between five p.m. & bedtime. Ask children to choose a time to do each chore. Write those times on the chart. The chart might look like this:
Chore Time Done
Setting the Table 5:30
Doing homework 7:30
Talk about when they did the tasks. Did they do them all? If not, did they have real reasons or excuses?
Families need their own reward system. It's important that the rules be clear, the system fair & consistently followed. Whether it's a present, a grade, a raise, or a word of praise & a kiss, a reward is very sweet, indeed.
Rewards: This scene captures for me the power of rewards. It was a hot summer Saturday in a restaurant in a small town. A little girl had just opened the door. Her parents were busy behind the counter. And this child, age eight, was busy, too. Carrying her parents' laundry, she came through the door with a smile on her face that said to all of us, "I'm not bored. I'm happy. I am doing something important." That was her inner reward. Her parents' praise was the external one.
Competition: There are some basic principles of competition that every child should learn, or at least listen to. To compete, you have to be able to lose. You have to be willing to fail but not feel like a failure. You have to get up off the floor & try again.
MEGASKILL THREE: EFFORT
The value of believing in effort over native ability is that you can help children do something about their level of effort. It's harder to help them do something about their level of ability. Ability seems set in stone; effort can be influenced; it's open to change.
In Texas, elementary school children having difficulties with subtraction were divided into four groups--A,B,C,D. Each group worked on its own with a packet of materials. An aide checked the work in groups A,B, & C every eight minutes. As the children came to a new section, the aide gave them the new instructions. To group A the aide said, "You've been working hard." To group B she said, "You need to work hard." Group C received no comment. Group D had no involvement with the aide other than to hear her read the instructions to everyone.
Group A, that was told, "You've been working hard," actually did work harder than the others. They completed 63 percent more problems & got three times as many right on the test that followed this training. They also said that they felt more confident about the test & their ability to deal with the problems they would face.
We can talk children into making more effort. They do not have to be afraid. We can help them see that more effort can mean better results.
Learning About Effort: Here are some suggestions on how to give kids the opportunity to know effort when they see it & to practice effort on their own.
My Day--any age
Spend time talking with your children about the pleasures of your work & of effort. Try to be as specific as possible. Don't stint on letting children in on the everyday efforts & goings-on at work & at home that illustrate effort & the sense of satisfaction that comes with it. Not all problems are solved quickly or easily. Let children in on your frustrations. But when you do talk about the day's problems, try to discuss what you are doing & what your children think can be done to solve these problems. Ask children about their day too. Urge them to follow your lead in talking about the little successes.
The Extra Mile--any age
Help your children know what we really mean when we say "make an effort." Take time to point out to children those people who are making that effort. Point to others who are making an effort & showing how much you respect this.
Homework & Effort: Asian children go to school 240 days a year, while American children go only 180 days a year. Asians believe that hard work makes a difference, & they let their children know it. The Japanese count on persistence & patience to win the day. They just plain outwork everyone else. They have long-term perspective, & they're persistent. They work long hours; they live in accommodations Americans would not accept. Our young people need to learn about endurance & to be taught the importance of effort.
Parental Infrastructure: At least three kinds of parental discipline patterns have been identified.
Permissive: Adult makes few demands on child & sees child as own self-regulator. Authoritarian: Adult has set standard of conduct in mind & sets out to shape child to fit it, using force & punishment to curb child. Authoritative: Adult sets standards & asserts control but sees child's need for reason & understanding.
The trick, & it's a tough one, is for parents & for teachers to be authoritative without being authoritarian. It's not easy.
A Study Place--ages 4-9
Children need their own place at home to do schoolwork. Fancy equipment is not needed. Use old furniture. Cut it down to size as needed. You need a table or desk, a chair, a light.
Walk through your house with your child to find that special study corner. It need not be big, but it needs to be personal. Paint cardboard boxes or orange crates for bookcases. Latex paint is easy to clean. Encourage your child to decorate the study corner; a plant & a bright desk blotter do wonders.
A study place can be a desk, or it can be a modest lapboard for a child to use atop a bed.
A Homework System--ages 10-12
There is a better way than nagging children every day about schoolwork. This activity enables children to keep track--on their own--of what has to be done. You need paper & a marker.
Use a sturdy, large piece of paper to make a homework chart that can be posted on the wall. Here's what one looks like:
___________________________________________
Days English Math S.Studies Science
Monday
_________________________________________
Tuesday
_________________________________________
Wednesday
_________________________________________
Thursday
_________________________________________
Friday
_________________________________________
Make checks to represent school assignments. To show completed work, the check gets circled. Attach to the chart a marker or pen so that it is always handy.
Talk About Homework: Talk about assignments with your child after they're completed. This is more of a conversation than a checkup. Was the assignment difficult? Easy? Would your child like to know more? Consider follow-up trips to a museum or library.
Our Home: A Learning Place--any age
Help your home (even if it's a small apartment) convey the message that people learn here.
You want children to be reading as often as possible. Let there be books & magazines everywhere, including the bathroom. Let your children see you reading, & talk with them about what you've read.
You want children to be writing as often as possible. Put notepads & pencils in a number of places around the house, including next to the telephone, for messages. In the kitchen use them for grocery lists, & keep them next to the bed for putting down that brilliant middle-of-the-night thought.
Use a bulletin board or magnets on the refrigerator to display children's schoolwork & artwork. Or use an indoor clothesline with clothespins. Youngsters enjoy changing these displays themselves.
Time For Studying: Some children are faster to finish classroom work than others. When you talk with your children about schoolwork, ask if they think they are putting in enough time to do it really well.
Effort is Pleasure: Talk about the pleasure a writer gets, an artist, etc. Children need to know that effort is the path we take to achieve mastery.
MEGASKILL FOUR: RESPONSIBILITY
Check yourself. When you hear yourself saying or thinking about your children, "Why are you always late?" "Where have you been?" "Why can't you start acting more grown up?", you are hearing the need to help your child become more responsible.
When you hear yourself saying about your children, "I can count on you," "You are reliable & dependable," "When you tell me something, I can believe you," you are hearing yourself praise your responsible child.
The broad definition I have chosen for responsibility is "doing what's right".
Teaching children to be responsible involves finding ways to help children feel competent, to know what's right & to do what's right. If children need to wake up on time, you show them how to use an alarm clock & expect them to use it. If a child lies to you, you let your child know that lying is wrong & that it works to destroy the precious trust you share.
Helping Children Do For Themselves: Children need to learn to take care of themselves--even if parents have nothing to do all day but take care of them. When children hang up their clothes or wash their feet, it does not seem like schoolwork. But this practice in self-reliance carries over.
Body Beautiful--ages 4-9
For this activity, you need a marker, a pencil, & paper. Talk with your child about personal cleanliness & why it's important. Talk about washing face & hands, combing hair, & brushing teeth. Include any other parts of the body that children tend to get dirty. Make a list of what needs to be done to be clean. Post a simple chart like the one below.
LOOKING GOOD!
Sun. Mon. Tue. Wed. Thu. Fri. Sat.
__________________________________________
I brushed
my teeth.
__________________________________________
I washed
my face.
__________________________________________
I washed
my hands.
__________________________________________
I combed
my hair.
___________________________________________
To provide incentive, especially at first, you may want to think of a small reward. It might be a new brand of toothpaste that your child picks out or a new toothbrush or a special brand of soap.
Check the chart daily at first, then weekly. Pretty soon you won't need a chart. The idea is to make good grooming your child's habit.
Clothes--ages 4-9
Picking Clothes: With your youngster, put clothes together in places where they can be found. One way is to label the outside of dresser drawers. Talk about appropriate clothes to wear in different weather. Turn this into a game. Pick a thick sweater & ask, "Do you wear this on hot or cold days?" Do the same for shorts, mittens, & so forth.
Before children go to bed at night, ask them to think about clothes to wear the next day. Let them lay out these clothes in advance. Ask your child to check to see that the clothes are clean & ready. This can save time & stress in the morning.
Washing Clothes: Pick up any detergent box. Reading it together with your child will immediately broaden your child's vocabulary with words like "formulated" & "cycle".
Whether you are washing an item by hand or in the machine, with your child, move through the process step by step, preferably with one or just a few items, treating spots first, if necessary. Talk about separating colors, then talk about the temperature of the water, then the soap suds, then the machine instructions, then the rinsing, then the hanging up or the machine drying. Go through all the steps with your child watching & helping. It may take time to graduate to the washing machine.
Fixing Clothes: Sewing activities not only teach responsibility but also build children's hand-eye coordination, an essential for learning to read & write. You need needle, thread, scissors, buttons, & children's clothes that need repairing.
With your child, pick an item that needs a button sewn on. Together select the necessary tools. Look for a needle with a large eye. Show your child how to thread it. Take time to illustrate how to do all this safely. Then show step by step how to sew on the button.
Now watch as your child replaces a button on some old clothes. Don't expect the job to be perfect, & resist doing it over. With some colourful fabric scraps, you can help children move to making gifts & other items around the home. Placemats, book covers, & banners are easy-to-do items.
A Special Place--ages 4-9
Here's a responsibility builder for the early school years. It calls for setting up a special home-school box to help children keep track of their belongings.
You need a cardboard box big enough to hold supplies & some clothing. Add some magazine pictures, markers, glue, & scissors, & you're ready to make a Special Place.
Children decorate these boxes with pictures, words, artwork, & their own names in big, bold letters.
Helping Children Do For The Family: Overall, responsibility means that we can "count on" our children & they can count on us. Here are some "count on each other" activities:
Promises! Promises!--ages 4-9
When asked to do a task, children often make promises. They will not fully realise what keeping these promises involves. Their intentions are sincere. They want to please. Here's a way to get children talking about promises & consequences.
Talk about what happens when people don't do the things they are responsible for. Examples: Plants that don't get watered wilt. Animals (& children) that don't get fed whine. Garbage that isn't taken out smells.
Discuss the effects on others when tasks are not done. Is it fair? Is it responsible? Is that why carrying out promises is so important?
Taking Care of Things--any age
Children have been known to be careless about property--their own & others. Help children be responsible for caring for what they are supposed to care for.
A pet is a good example, it needs daily care. How much is your child willing & able to do? Write down what you have both decided on, & post this list in a prominent place.
Or you may be considering a home computer. These are fragile machines that need careful operators. Make sure that children know what is expected. Read the operating manual together. Go over the steps one by one. Children need to know not only how to run the machine but how to care for it.
Don't Worry: You Won't Be Late--any age
This activity helps teach children the importance of showing people that they can be depended on, rain or shine.
This activity helps kids learn to wake up on time on their own. You'll need an alarm clock, paper bag & a piece of paper for each family member.
Write "wake up" on one piece of paper & "wake me up" on the others. Put the papers into the bag. Everybody picks one piece. The person who picks the slip marked "wake up" will do the job of waking up the others the next morning.
The "wake-up" person sets the alarm clock for five minutes before the wake-up time. You'll find out the next day if the "wake-up" person was dependable. What happens if the "wake-up" person is late? Will someone be late to work or school?
Do your children wake themselves up regularly? If not, invest in an inexpensive alarm clock. Talk about how people worry when those they are expecting are late.
What do I do? Helping children think responsibly about choices & values: Children need to know what parents think, but moreover, they need to know how to figure out where they themselves stand. Children need to see a sample. All the lectures in the World will do no good if children see that it's just "talk". It's hard also when parents seem too good to be true. Have we never been tempted to do anything wrong? It can help when we tell about a temptation & how we handled it.
MEGASKILL FIVE: INITIATIVE
"What a good idea!" "You're always thinking of something new." Praise your child's initiative.
Initiative starts with a good idea, but the idea is not enough. You have to do something to make things happen. Even after you hit a home run, you still have to run around the bases.
You don't have to go outside your home to give your child a world of experiences that build interests. I tried science in the kitchen with my young children. Let me tell you, they were not the only ones learning. We watched water come to a boil. We timed how long it took to make macaroni soft. We defrosted ice cubes in the sun & in shade. We put wooden & metal spoons into hot water & then touched them, sometimes with a burning surprise. And we talked about what we were learning.
Busy fathers may think that to make up for lost time with the kids, they need to sacrifice, to do activities like going to museums or the zoo or a show. Not so. There really is great educational value in activities such as going with children to the bank & to the grocery store...or even down to the basement.
Machines: Look & Listen--ages 4-9
Use the house itself. How does it work? What are all those pipes for? Don't forget those plumbing pipes. Kitchens make noises. Listen & name them--the refrigerator's hum, the stove's purr, the fan's whoosh.
Look at a bicycle. Peek beneath the hood of the family car. Can you name the parts?
Take a good look at all the appliances at home. You might want to tackle the bigger question of where all this electricity comes from in the first place. When travelling past a power plant or a dam, you might mention that little old toaster at home.
Machines: Please touch--ages 4-9
Oh, the joy of taking things apart & maybe even putting them together again. How do flashlights work? Find out what happens when one battery is taken away or put in upside down. The beauty of flashlights is they can be made to work so easily.
If you have a small, broken machine, such as a clock or pencil sharpener, & you don't care whether it works again, try this wonderful activity: Put the machine & some useful tools, such as a screwdriver, on a table. Allow your child to take the object apart. Stand by in case you're needed, but do let your child try to put it back together without your help.
Water, Water Everywhere--ages 4-9
Put water into an ice tray & set it in the freezer. How long does it take to freeze? Try this with different levels of water in different sections of the tray.
Put a few ice cubes on the table. How long do they take to melt? Why are they melting? Put them in different places around the room. Do they melt faster in some places than in others?
Float an egg in both salt & fresh water. Which water holds the egg higher? Salt water is more buoyant.
Evaporation: Put some water in an open dish in a sunny place. Let your child make a mark to show the water level. Use another dish with an equal amount of water, & put this one in the shade. Which one dries first?
Hot & Cold--ages 4-9
To check on the temperature around you, use a house-&-garden thermometer. What happens when the thermometer is in the refrigerator? In the freezer? Atop the radiator? In the sun?
Light & Shadow--ages 4-9
Use a strong light bulb indoors. Try some shadow play on a dark background.
Use a mirror to catch light from the sun. Then move the mirror, throwing the light in different places around the room.
Put a teaspoon in a glass of water that is two-thirds full. Looking at it sideways, children see the "disconnected" parts of the spoon.
Plants & How they grow--ages 4-9
Using aluminum foil, cover the leaves on one side of a sun-loving plant. Keep this covering on for a week. What do the leaves look like when you take off the foil?
Let's Get Organised: There are mornings when you wake up & you just know it's a day to get organised. Eliminate that mess you've been avoiding:
Nuts & Bolts, Pins & Needles--ages 4-6
Organise the toolbox, the jewelry box, the dressers, sewing boxes, bookcase, the kitchen cupboard or refrigerator, the family linen closet or a closet in your child's room. First talk about a good way to organise the area.
Gather & Go--ages 7-9
Teach children how to collect & organise materials. Start a project, big or little: A puppet stage, a dog house, a party, baking cookies. Talk with children about what they will need. (Young children will need your advice.)
List what you have to purchase & what is already at home. Then, with your child, collect the essentials before you start the project.
The Family Calendar--any age
Get a plain calendar with large squares for each day. Talk about the days, weeks, & months spread out before you. Start filling in the squares with special days, such as birthdays, upcoming events & appointments.
Let your child decorate the calendar. Use the calendar for generating children's suggestions; for example, list special foods children want or ideas for places to go on family outings.
Organising for Children
Ask your children which of these ideas they'd like to try first.
Provide some kind of work space, no matter how small, for each child. This can vary from a lapboard that children use while they sit on the bed to a piece of furniture to a dropleaf shelf that is attached to the wall, if apartment regulations allow.
Try the idea of a small piece of colorful rug for a young child's work area on the floor. This helps cut down on the tendency for children to covet the same work space, even in big rooms.
To make communal work space for young children doing artwork, put a heavy plastic tablecloth over the dining room table & an old shower curtain or newspaper beneath.
Give children a place to put their possessions. This should be an "untouchable" place. No one is to disturb these things. The children's end of this bargain is that they have to put the things away neatly. This place could be a box or drawer that fits under a bed, or a shelf above it.
Provide pegs so that children can hang up their own clothes. Also, make sure that shelves are reachable so that children are able to put away toys when they're finished with them.
Use what's in the apartment. Put a piece of wood on top of a radiator (except in winter), & you have a shelf. Place a large sheet of wood or Masonite over a bathtub, & you have a good size work area. And use wall space. Hang pegboards to hold carpentry tools & toys.
Junk Day--any age
Give your child paper bags & these instructions: "Today is junk day. Go through your closet/drawers/bedroom & take out all the junk or give-aways that you want to get rid of. I pay for junk!"
Offering Without Being Asked--ages 7-12
Ask children to choose one job that they're often asked to do: Taking out the garbage, cleaning their room, washing clothes etc. Suggest that for two days they do this task before someone asks them to do it. Talk about it. Did they get the task done before someone reminded them? Did it make them feel good? Did they offer to help others? How did they feel?
MEGASKILL SIX: PERSEVERANCE
"It's not enough to start--you have to finish."
"Even when you feel like quitting, don't."
"Keep at it; you'll get it."
There will always be others who are more talented than we are, who are better looking, who have more education. Even with these benefits, they still need perseverance in order to accomplish & to create. Help children get into the habit of following through & finishing.
Perseverance is the difference between those who try & those who succeed.
We seem to accept the fact that our children have short attention spans. But we should emphasize building our children's level & length of attention & their ability to concentrate over a period of time.
"I know you'll make it."
"You're doing a great job."
There are experiences that by their very nature teach perseverance. They can't be done in a rush because they demand a level of detail & a passage of time.
Organise family photos in chronological order. What happened first? Second?
Attach the pictures in an album with captions (explanations) that children can write.
Find all the important telephone numbers that would be useful to have in one place.
Help your child alphabetise this list. Double-check this sheet. Then enter the names & numbers in the family telephone book.
Talk with children about changes in their weight & height as they grow older.
Keep a family weekly weight check chart.
Learning to Work & Wait:
Time is a big element in perseverance. Children can practice getting beyond the need for immediate gratification, showing that they are willing to work & wait for results.
Activities that call upon children to wait are growing plants, watching their weight, learning a new skill, & preserving their health.
Everyone enjoys watching seeds sprout & come up through the earth. When they don't, we can start again. The important point is that this activity helps children get practice in finishing a project they start. You need two or three packets of seeds, small pots or milk cartons cut down, a ruler, &, depending on the season & your household space, a sunny windowsill or outdoor garden.
Buy seeds or use seeds you have saved. Empty a few on the table beside each packet. Ask your children to look at the seeds & examine their size & color. Feel how hard they are.--Don't let them eat the seeds. Talk about the differences. Ask children to fill each pot with about two inches of soil. Plant a few seeds in each. Place the pots on a sunny windowsill. Together read the directions on the seed packet. Talk about what you have to do to be sure the seeds grow.
Water the seeds as the directions say. Then, day by day, watch for the seeds to begin to sprout. Seeds grow slowly. It will take about ten days to see them.
Good & Good for You--ages 4-9
This activity helps young children get into the habit of eating healthy foods. Nutritious snack foods include carrot sticks & raisins, bananas rolled in chopped peanuts, celery stuffed with peanut butter, tomato or cucumber slices topped with cheese, raw vegetables with cheese dip, raisins & nut mixes etc.
Set aside part of a refrigerator shelf for children to use for these special snack foods. In this way children can make their own healthy snacks.
Check family weights. Who's the heaviest? The lightest? Try recording weight changes in a week's time. This is good math practice, too.
Exercise Plan--any age
Plan & carry out a family exercise program. List one or two exercises each person can do regularly. Make up a plan for a week-long, practical exercise routine.
What we ask our children to do is what we must be willing to do.
When children hang up their clothes or put away the dishes that's school-work. School achievement depends on a child's ability to see a job through to completion.
Children can get into the habit of not finishing what they start.
I am not convinced that we always have to finish what we start, but we have to learn to finish many things. There should be some jobs that children know they have to complete.
Children need to learn that things don't happen all at once, & sometimes not even very quickly. Reaching a goal may take time & long days of effort & continuing work, but it's worth it!
MEGASKILL SEVEN: CARING
Are you worried about your child's ability to care about others, to show affection, to be thoughtful?
"Don't be so selfish."
"You've got to care about other people."
Help your child practice caring & having consideration, being interested in others, listening to & learning from them.
I, I, I. Me, Me, Me. These aren't musical notes. They're the sounds children make--before they get tuned into You, You, You, & Us, Us, Us. Care is especially needed today.
Family Notes--ages 4-6
Tell your child that each day for three days, you will send each other notes.
Each note will be a special message that will say something nice. The "Something nice" will be something true that one of you has noticed about the other. It might be, "You have a nice smile" or "Your dinner last night was very good" or "I like the way you cooked the chicken." Let children who do not yet write dictate their messages to you. Children enjoy figuring out nice things to say. Decide on a place to exchange daily notes.
How Does It Feel?--ages 4-8
Start by helping young children describe someone else's appearance. Ask your child to describe how a certain person--a friend or a teacher--looks. Use drawings.
Ask "how do they feel" questions. Examples: "Jane has just won a race. How does she feel?" "Bill has just fallen down. How does he feel?" "What might each of these friends do, based on how they feel?"
Children will believe you really do understand when you share some "emotional" memories of your own.
Make greeting cards. Decide who needs a greeting card. Does someone need cheering up? Is a friend having a birthday? Do you know a senior citizen who is living alone? Do you have new neighbors who have just moved in?
Let family members "rate" each other. The object is to think positively & to avoid put-downs. What you hope to build is more of an "I care about how you feel" atmosphere at home. Ask:
"How well do I listen?"
"How well do I help around the house?"
"Do I ever make you feel sad? How?"
"Do I make you feel happy? How?"
Think of at least one thing you can do easily that would make your family happy. A kiss, a cookie, a flower, an encouraging word, can give a big, quick lift. Children need to know this so that they can form the habit of making other people feel good.
About Ourselves--any age
Finish these sentences separately & compare answers.
I am happy when__________.
I am afraid of__________.
I am sad when__________.
It's funny when__________.
My favourite things include__________.
When I am alone, I__________.
I really care about__________.
Our Block--ages 4-6
Draw a neighborhood map together. In the middle of the paper, draw your own home. Draw with a free hand. Don't worry about exact distances between places. Fill in street names & telephone numbers for places & neighbors.
People Scavenger Hunt--any age
Together go on a people scavenger hunt in your memory. Do you know anyone who speaks another language? Has been in a play? Has a relative who is more than ninety years old?
Think about someone you saw recently who is different. Examples: A street person carrying old bundles, a person in a wheelchair, a blind person.
Who Can Help Me?--any age
Make two columns on a paper. At the top of the left column write: HELP NEEDED FOR. At the top of the right column, write: WHO CAN HELP? Post the paper. Those who can help will put down their names & time they will help.
The idea is to get children in the habit of using skills to help one another.
Heroes Among Us--any age
Cut out newspaper articles about heroic acts by ordinary individuals. Examples: Someone rescues a person from a fire; a neighbor stops a robbery; a youngster saves a child from being hit by a car.
Think together about one or two caring, unselfish people, famous or not, whom you admire. What do you like about them? Are there ways to become more like them?
The Gift of Time--any age
Talk about gifts that people love to receive but that don't cost much money, if any. Think about making gifts at home. What materials are needed to bake cookies, to sew a potholder etc.
Try to think of gifts that aren't "things". You might share a special skill in order to help someone.
For children, it might be: "I will play ball with my younger brother for one hour." "I will make my sister's bed for three days."
Some of the best things between parent & child are still free! And one of the best & most surprising things between brothers & sisters is the caring they can show toward each other.
When Brian was nine, illness forced him to be bed-ridden for six months. Every day, his sister, Eve, age seven, would come bouncing in from school, ready for some outdoor play. But first she would go in to see Brian & ask, "Want to have my day?" Then she would launch into funny vignettes about classmates & teachers & special events. They would laugh a lot. It was a good time for both of them--the giver & the receiver.
Where had this little girl learned this secret for sharing her day? It was what she saw at home. Both of her parents worked. When they got home, they each told a story from their day, usually a funny one. She listened & she learned.
MEGASKILL EIGHT: TEAMWORK
We know team players when we work with them:
They don't always have to get the credit.
They have spirit, & they share it with others.
They laugh with others, not at them.
They pitch in & make sacrifices.
They are helpful, not helpless.
Build a child's ability to work with others, as part of a team, cooperating to achieve a common purpose.
An uneasy balance exists between individualism & group work in America, especially in the schools. Students are expected to perform & to be graded as individuals, competing rather than cooperating with each other.
The school as an institution is basically just not a hospitable place for teamwork.
All children need ways to show that they can accomplish. Activities at home, even chores, can help. They provide a sense of getting things done, & they help children feel more needed, more important in the life of the family.
There is something special about being in the same place, doing a job together. Start by having them do jobs right with you, next to you. This isn't just to keep an eye on them; it's to build the spirit & the sense of teaming, to see ourselves accomplishing a task together.
My friend Ruth remembers bringing her children up on the roof with her & her husband, & together they tackled the job of repairing roof shingles. The children passed the nails; they held the ladder; they felt part of the team.
This same spirit prevails when families bake cookies together or read aloud to each other or change a tire together or shovel snow together or rake leaves together. Children may dislike housework chores but find them more agreeable when we are all in the same room together, one doing the dusting, another doing the polishing or sweeping. They love to rake leaves, but not alone.
It does take more time & patience to teach children how to work, to show them a job step by step, to encourage them, & then to step back & let them take over. It's easier to do the work for them.
But as with much of parenting, efforts when children are young are an investment in the future.
Real Work, Not Make-Work--ages 4-6
Set attainable goals with your child. Start with easy tasks & work up to harder ones. Example: A four-year-old can bring in the paper every day & wipe the kitchen table.
Turn jobs into games. Set the same task for you & your child. Race each other to see who wipes the table or retrieves the newspaper faster. Chances are, your child will win, on the up & up.
Show children how to do the work--but do not redo their work. Example: The first time a child uses a vacuum, show how to do it & what to pick up.
Divide & Conquer--ages 7-9
Pick a job that has several parts. A good example is preparing a meal. What do you do first? What do you do second? Your list might look like this:
Plan the meal.
Shop for groceries.
Prepare the food.
Set the table
Clean up afterward.
Ask everyone to choose from the list one job to do.
Organising Household Chores--ages 10-12
Together make a list of all the jobs that need to be done around the house. You might separate them into weekly jobs & daily jobs.
Weekly Jobs: Doing laundry, vacuuming, grocery shopping, mowing the lawn.
Daily Jobs: Cooking dinner, making beds, taking out garbage, feeding pets.
Decide together when jobs will be done & who will do them. Write down names next to the jobs. Family members can switch with each other later. Try to avoid labeling work as "girl's" or "boy's".
Let Me Help You!: For older children, tell the story or show the film "It's a Wonderful Life". In this classic Jimmy Stewart sacrifices for his family, stays home from college, & manages to keep open a small bank to help poor people get homes. With the help of an angel named Clarence, he learns that he has indeed lived a wonderful life.
What Do We Think?--ages 7-9
Help children practice finding out what others think. Take a poll at home about household products. Should we buy more of this? If yes, why? If no, why not? What could the family buy instead of this product?
What's Your Opinion?--ages 10-12
Choose one rule that causes family arguments. Ask your child's opinion of the rule. If it's about bedtime, that opinion might be, "Having a bedtime is a bad rule. Kids should go to bed whenever they want." Ask your child to give at least two reasons for this opinion.
Now ask your child to give two arguments for the other side. One might be, "Kids need sleep to keep awake in school."
Down the Drain & Out the Window--any age
Children may be wasting electricity & water without even knowing that they cost money. For this activity you need some utility bills.
Take a house electricity tour. Check whether lights, radios, or televisions have been left on. Talk with your children about ways to save on utility bills, such as turning off the air conditioner when nobody is home or lowering the heat at night when people are sleeping.
Take a house water tour. Think of all the ways you use water--for dishes, for bathing, for cooking. Then talk about ways you can conserve water.
Look at the bills in the next few months to see the results. Use a set of bills you & your youngster can follow.
Shopping Around--ages 7-12
This activity helps children learn how to compare prices in order to shop carefully for an item they want. You need newspaper ads for new products, classified ads for used items.
Ask children to select an item to "buy" from a newspaper ad & from a classified ad. This might be a bicycle or a television set. Together mark the ads that sound like the best buys. Talk about the items & urge the "consumers" to discuss the ads with other members of the family. Which do they consider the best buys?
MEGASKILL NINE: COMMON SENSE
Common sense is not so common. A reason children may not be using common sense is that it is not a sense we are born with. It is built through experience & practice.
Unlike a subject such as reading or math, common sense has no curriculum. The best we can do is to find areas in which common sense is needed & then figure out ways to give children practice acquiring it.
When you have common sense, you try to see more than one point of view. When you have common sense, you have perspective.
The Careful Eye--ages 4-9
Look around the room & ask children to name everything they see. This activity builds observation skills.
Put several objects on a table. Ask youngsters to look hard & then close their eyes. Remove one or two of the objects. Let children name the things you took away. Turn this game around & ask your children to play it on you.
Memory Stretching--ages 4-9
To encourage information gathering, try questions like these:
Does your back door swing in or out?
Do you put your right or left sock on first?
Who's the slowest eater in your house?
What did you have for breakfast? For dinner last night? Go back meal after meal to see how far you can remember.
Ask your children to make up questions for you to try to answer.
Guessing--ages 4-9
Ask "guessing" questions & let children ask them of you. How wide is this room? How long is the driveway? Get out the yardstick & check these guesses.
Guess how much different things weigh. A typewriter? A book? Mother? Brother? Put them on the scale & check.
These activities help children make judgements based on what they know to be facts or guesses.
Checking--ages 7-12
Checking is common sense practice, & it can be taught in a straightforward way with a series of questions.
Have we checked to see, for example, that:
There's gas in the car before starting out on a trip?
There are no cracks in the eggs that we buy at the supermarket?
The seams are tightly sewn in clothes we're planning to buy?
There are no cars coming before we start across the street--even if the light is green?
We can get children in the habit of doing these checks. With all the checking in the World, there will still be plenty of surprises, but some of the everyday, unpleasant ones can be avoided this way.
Show youngsters the good side of a wormy apple. Ask, "Is this a good apple? Can you eat all of it?" Then turn the apple around. It shows children they have to know both sides of the question. It's a trick with a valuable lesson.
Using Clues--ages 4-8
Begin by saying, "I'm thinking of something--an object--that is in this very room." Then give hints, one at a time. Tell about the object's size, colour, or use. Example: If you are thinking of a saucer, you could say, "It's the size of a big pancake," "It's blue & white," & "It is used under a cup." After each clue, let your child try to guess the object.
Asking Questions--ages 9-12
Common Sense also means seeing things from other points of view, putting ourselves as best we can in other people's shoes.
Read the following scene with your children. Before reading the bank of possible answers, think of what you might answer. Ask for your children's answers & the reasons why they picked them.
The boy next door. Leah was only nine, but she really liked Michael, the boy across the street. The boy's family had been away for a year in South America. In the month before their return Leah had crossed off each day on the calendar. She told that to her friend Margo. Finally the big day arrived. There they were. Leah & Michael said hello shyly. Margo was there, too, & what do you think she said?
a. Nothing.
b. "Boy, did Leah miss you!"
c. "Leah's been counting the days."
How Time Flies--any age
Give children some common sense about time. Draw a large circle. Mark off this circle into twenty-four equal parts, one for each hour of the day. Pick any day. Start by shading in the hours spent in sleep, then the hours spent at school or on the job. What's left? Time alone or with friends? Time spent in travel? Time spent on homework or chores? Time watching the TV? Time for meals? Time for hobbies?
Take your time circles & see what you would change if you could. What's your ideal day?
See what little changes you can make to bring your current days more in line with your ideal ones.
Money Common Sense--ages 4-6
Giving children practice with money is important. I have this attitude about wasting money: I don't like it.
To teach children how to make change, put pennies, nickels, dimes & quarters (or the equivalents in your own currency) in different sections of an ice cube tray or an empty egg carton. Hand children a quarter & let them give you that amount back in different coins. Use this with other combinations. (Be sure to wash hands after touching the money.)
Gather together some household bills. List each service & the amount owed. Put the name of the bill on the left side of the paper. Put the cost on the right side.
Fold the paper so that the cost side is hidden. Ask your children to predict the amount owed for each bill. Write down the guesses next to the items. Then unfold the paper to show the actual costs.
Eat Well for Less--ages 4-9
Help children practice math by planning nutritious family meals that cost less. Use newspaper grocery ads.
Make up a menu of meals for two days, with your child taking charge of the choices for one meal.
Judge with your child the amount of food needed. Total the prices for the planned meal. Divide by the number of people who will be eating. This gives the cost of the meal per person. Together check your cupboards & refrigerator before going to the store.
Clothes for Less--ages 10-12
Pretend you each have $250 to spend on clothes. Pretend you have absolutely nothing to wear. Make up a complete winter wardrobe from top to bottom. Use newspapers & catalogues. Compare "purchases". How well did you do?
Talk about the advantage of buying clothes & other items out of season.
MEGASKILL TEN: PROBLEM SOLVING
Do your children say "I can't" instead of "I can"? Children are not born problem solvers. They learn how.
Help them put what they know & can do into action.
Thinking is not a subject all by itself--it's what you think about that is the subject. We need children who can begin to think about serious subjects.
Give them practice in asking & answering questions & practice in making decisions.
Ask questions that you really want answers to.
Listen to children's answers.
Let children know how really smart they are.
Let your children ask you questions that they want answers to & take the time to respond thoughtfully.
Spur children's inventive thinking with questions that limber up the brain. Ask how many things can be made from a paper plate. From a rubber band? From a paper clip?
Encourage children to imagine. What would happen if the automobile had not been invented?
Put a blob of ink on paper, fold it, rub & blot. Ask children to tell you all the things the blob reminds them of. Trade places & try it yourself.
Place circles or squares or triangles of various sizes on a sheet of paper. Then ask children to name & draw as many different objects as they can think of using these figures.
Help children think ahead about what they would change.
What do you want more time for?
How would you use more money?
What is a waste of time?
What makes you feel really happy?
What would you like to keep always the same?
What would you like to do tomorrow? Next week? Next month?
Involve children actively & early in decision making, especially in family decision making. They can be active participants or can just listen in. In this way they come to know, & to identify with, the process we adults go through in making up our minds.
Thinking & Choosing--ages 4-7
Ask your child to pretend the following things are happening:
You can't find your key & no one is home.
You get lost on your way to a friend's house.
You are teased on your way home from school.
Ask children to think of as many ways to solve these problems as they can. Don't reject any ideas, even if they sound far-fetched.
After they have mulled over three or four different solutions, let them pick one way that seems best.
Ask for children's ideas to remedy a problem they cause (not necessarily at the time when you're upset). Examples: Mud on the floor, coats not hung up, milk left out etc.
Decisions Aren't Easy--ages 9-12
Talk with your youngster about some important decisions you have made in the past. Examples: Buying a car, changing jobs, getting married. Tell about the things you considered before making these decisions. Were there good & bad consequences? Were you happy with your decisions? Would you make the same ones again?
Encourage children to become planners: What would they do if they were teachers? Fathers? Mothers?
Don't give children decisions to make that you believe are yours alone. There is danger when children are given decisions to make that are really not theirs to make or when children are told they can make the decision & then find that their parent really didn't mean it. Choose the real decisions that children can make & be prepared to live with their decisions.
Safety--Everyday Problem Solving
Children need to know that parents care about what they are doing.
Just being home doesn't always do the job. It's possible to be at home all the time & not have children feel that their parents care.
Children have to know the steps to take on their own to be safe.
Thinking through a problem:
1. Children accidentally eat or drink poisons & dangerous medicines lying around the house. Many youngsters become ill & die.
2. What can we do here at home to prevent this from happening? Let's name a lot of ideas.
Help children recognise the warning labels on medicines & household cleaners at home.
Discuss what can be done if these products or medicines are swallowed accidentally. The labels tell us what remedies or antidotes counteract the poison.
Remind your children to take medicine only with your approval.
Household Danger Spots--ages 4-6
Take a walk around your home with your child. Check in each room to see that electric cords are not frayed, that throw rugs don't slide, that old papers, rags & paints are stored properly, that sharp edges of knives & tools are covered.
Make a list of items in the house that need to be repaired.
Show children how the stove is turned off. If the stove is not to be used at all, explain why. Talk about why children should never play with matches.
Take a walk around your house. Show children how to lock & unlock all doors & at least a few windows. Point to exits to use in case of fire or other need to escape.
Let children try using all house keys. Have keys made for each family member & put these in special places for safekeeping.
Try to make your home as burglarproof as possible. Make sure there is a strong chain on the front door so that it can be opened only partially. Many parents tell children never to open the door for people they do not know.
Tell children never to enter the house after school if the door is ajar, a window is broken, or anything looks unusual. Give instructions to go to a neighbor's or to a store, then to call Mom or Dad & wait for an adult to arrive before returning to the house.
Community Safety Tour--ages 4-6
Walk with your child or drive through your community. Point out the many signs you see. Which are the signs for safety? What do the other signs tell you? Examples: BUS, YIELD, WALK & CAUTION are some signs that children need to know.
Talk about safe places to go in case of danger. Examples: A neighbor's house, a business office.
Prepare a safety kit for your child to take everywhere. It can include an identification card, a list of important telephone numbers, change for several phone calls, & perhaps enough money for bus or cab fare. Tape the kit inside your child's lunchbox or knapsack.
Dealing with Strangers--any age
Give instructions to your children on how to talk to strangers on the phone, at the door & on the street.
Make up a set response to use on the phone: Example: "My mom can't come to the phone now. May I take a message?"
Teach children how to take careful telephone messages that include the caller's name & phone number. Buy a phone pad or make one out of scrap paper. Practice handling phone calls. Use a play phone or the real phone. Take turns being the caller & being the child at home.
Warn about accepting rides & gifts from strangers Do not assume that children know the dangers. Role play some typical situations such as, "Do you want candy?" "Can I give you a ride?"
Advise children not to carry thick wallets & to keep them out of sight. Girls who carry shoulder bags should hold on to them firmly. If youngsters are carrying large amounts of money, tell them to divide the money & to carry it in at least two places.
Talk together about at least three things to increase safety outdoors. Examples: Lock cars, keep personal items out of sight in parked cars, avoid deserted areas.
In Case of Fire--any age
Help your family know how to leave the house quickly & safely in case of fire.
Show children the emergency numbers for Fire, Police & Poison Control listed in the front of the telephone book. Tell children to dial "0" for the operator in case of an emergency. For children who can't read, make a picture chart with the numbers. Buy a small fire extinguisher to keep in the kitchen & a smoke alarm for your home.
Practice leaving the house quickly, using different exits. Make these sessions family affairs so that everyone will know exactly what to do in case of fire or an accident. Practice until you are sure children understand what to do. Children are much more likely to stay calm in a crisis if they feel they know what to do.
You really can't teach safety in stages. A six-year-old needs to know as much or almost as much as a twelve-year-old.
Helping Children Succeed--any age
Try with your children to set up daily situations in which they succeed. Have they learned to swim? Are they able to locate a needed number in the telephone book?
Convey to children your expectations that they will start & complete the task or project. Be optimistic, & check that your children have what they need to complete what they are doing.
Provide jobs & activities they can do & will feel proud of having accomplished. These include building something needed around the house, taking care of a special corner in the garden or cooking a meal for the family.
Let your children know that you--an adult--also have needs. You need praise, encouragement, love--& criticism & put-downs hurt you, just as they hurt them.
Ideally, parents should talk to each other first before they tell children what to do.
MORE ABOUT SKILLS & MEGASKILLS--Contents
1. When Will My Child Read?
2. Writing: The Revolution Can Start at Home
3. Math: Getting Comfortable with Numbers
4. Special Education: Look, Listen, Do
5. Special Times
6. Transitions: Keeping up with Children's Learning
7. Creativity
8. Inspiration & Perspiration
9. Secrets of MegaSkills
10. A Quiz for Parents
WHEN WILL MY CHILD READ?
The vast majority of children take to reading like ducks to water. But unlike ducks, who keep swimming for the rest of their lives, many youngsters do not keep on reading. A major concern about reading is not how to teach children to read, but how to ensure that they will continue to read, enriching & broadening their skills & interests.
Parents can do a lot to help children read, & this does not mean using flash cards & workbook exercises. There is a world of ways to encourage reading at home without the use of the traditional school methods.
Breaking the Code--age 4-6
To read, a child recognizes shapes. Here are some easy shapes games.
Shaping Up: Cut out from colored paper, or even newspaper, large duplicate circles, squares, rectangles. Put one of each shape on the floor. Ask your child to find & put the matching ones on top of them. These are just shapes, not alphabet letters.
Let'm Eat Shapes: Cut bread into different, duplicate shapes & letters. Ask children to find a pair of matching shapes, put spread on one piece, & place the matching shape on top for a tasty sandwich.
Bake letters like pretzels for fun.
Listening to Sounds--ages 4-6
To read, children also have to be able to listen.
Name that Sound: Children close their eyes & tell what sounds are being made. Examples: A key jangling, the click of tongue in mouth, water running in the sink.
Rhythms: Tap out rhythms with a fork on a table top. Ask children to repeat the rhythm back to you. Vary the style: slow, fast, loud, soft. Use more complex rhythms & patterns as your child's responding abilities develop.
Phonics Bingo: Make a grid of consonants on a piece of cardboard. Keep the grids simple at first, with perhaps only three or four letters. (The more recognizable, noisier consonants are B, D, F, J, K, L, M, N, P, R, S, T, V, Z.) Call out a sound & ask players to cover the letter with a button, bean, or small cardboard circle. Say the sound with a word. Examples: "puh--`pat'"; "mmm-`mat'".
Rhyming Games: Use rhymes to build children's sense of the different sounds that words make. Examples: "Ball, tall, fall. Which bounces?" "What is a word that rhymes with cat & is used with balls?" "I see something on this table that is round, white & rhymes with fish."
The Daily Rounds: Point to the sounds in the signs seen each day. Examples: S--STOP, STORE, SCHOOL; B--BUS, BANK, BEAUTY SHOP; F--FIRE, FLOWERS; G--GO, GAS, GROCERIES.
Reading is all around us, all the time. While riding in a car or bus, read the signs aloud & encourage children to sing them out as they see them.
Mystery Word Box--ages 4-9
We used a recipe card file box, three by five-inch index cards, & alphabet dividers. Let the child pick up to five mystery words of the day. She doesn't have to know how to spell them or what they mean. She can choose any words that she has heard & that appealed to her in some way. Write them down in big print on the cards. Say them aloud. Talk about what they mean & then file them away in the box.
Talking & Reading--any age
Hidden Letters: All around the kitchen, from the cupboard to the refrigerator, from the stove to the sink, there are letters: A's, B's, F's, P's--on the soup cans, on the cat food, on the cereal box, even on the soap.
Make a game of finding these letters. Tell children to find (without tearing up the place, of course) five A's or three C's or any combination appropriate to your child's skills.
Grocery Store Eye: While shopping, ask your child to locate a box of soap powder--perhaps a large orange box with blue letters. Then ask for eggs in a white container or green beans in a yellow can. With a little practice, your child will be able to locate & bring you the right item.
Dishes: Stack & Sort: Would you believe that putting away dishes teaches reading? It does--by teaching classification skills. Match plates with others of the same size, forks with forks. This is similar to recognizing the same alphabet letter in different words.
Dress Me: A large poster with a child's silhouette on it can be tacked onto a bedroom wall to carry the words for parts of the body.
Roomfuls of Words: Look in newspapers & magazines for pictures of furniture & objects that belong in different rooms of a house. Divide a large piece of paper into sections labeled LIVING ROOM, BEDROOM, KITCHEN. Children place the pictures of the furniture in the appropriate section, or "room". This builds vocabulary & teaches classification skills.
Doing & Reading--ages 7-9
Read & Do: Give each child a list of things to do. Example: "Roll up a sheet of newspaper, fold it in half three times, tie up the roll with a piece of string." These can be far-fetched, plain fun or actual chores that have to be done around the house.
Letter to My Child: Letters that you write to each other & actually mail or just slip into your mailbox are another good reading device. These, too, can gradually be made more challenging to read.
Cooking Up Directions: Select a simple recipe with your child--perhaps Jell-O, instant pudding, or canned soup. On every package is a list of directions: Either read them aloud to the pre-reading child or ask young readers to do it on their own. You're coming up with a tasty dish & reading at the same time.
Morning Message: Leave notes for each other. Children enjoy receiving surprises & take pride in writing notes to someone else.
Reading: A Habit--any age
Children need to want to read.
My Reading Corner: Children need their own bookshelf & reading light. Make reading convenient & enticing &, above all, to build children's images of themselves as readers.
Pleasant Dreams: Encourage your children to decorate their sleeping area. The more appealing it is, the easier it may be to get children to go to bed. Ask your children what will make their sleeping arrangements more comfortable. Example: An extra pillow can make reading in bed easier & more enticing.
Take <>turns: Have children read to you while you're cleaning the refrigerator.
Reading with Kids: Make time to read with youngsters. Tape-record your voices to give reading added glamour.
Let your children dictate stories to you & then draw pictures to accompany the words. They'll be able to "read" their words back to you. Older brothers & sisters can take turns as secretaries.
Look for books that have an appealing "come & read me" look. Find books that tie in to your child's interests & needs. A very shy child may gain more than good reading from a book about a shy child who found courage to do some big deed.
My father was surrounded by newspapers wherever he was--they were next to his bed, on the floor by his reading chair, in the car, in the bathroom. I feel sure that's how I came by my own addiction. It seems natural to have reading material by my side at all times. Once a habit takes hold, it's hard to break it. Becoming addicted to reading is one of the better habits.
Read directions that come with a new piece of furniture to be assembled.
Let children follow along as you go over a tax form. They might see a deduction that you've missed.
To get children reading, you have to read menus, read the ads, read maps, read medicine labels, read the big print, read the fine print--but READ.
Reading Trouble? Catch It Early: If children aren't starting to read by the end of first grade, then there is some reason why, & it's not because they are "lazy" or "ignorant". Either the instruction is not appropriate, or the child can't handle what is being taught.
Poor eyesight is obvious but sometimes overlooked.
Inability to read can be connected to poor self-esteem. Children may see themselves as people who can't do things.
We all need to keep on reading, even to protect ourselves. Reading can be more effective than a weapon. Our children will need to be able to read forms & contracts before they sign them.
WRITING: THE REVOLUTION CAN START AT HOME
Writing is scary if you don't get practice at it. Like learning to ride a bike or drive a car, writing takes practice.
Worry more about doing lots of writing & less about spelling & grammar. You can't teach everything at once.
White paper without a scratch on it can be daunting. It looks as though everything you write has to be perfect. So put a few scratches on it.
The Joy of Scribbling--any age
Stretch out a large piece of brown wrapping paper or ordinary shelf paper & let the kids "go to it", writing any words or drawings they want to. A name over & over is fine. New studies call this "emergent literacy".
Sense & Say--ages 4-6, or younger
Blindfolded youngsters are offered an object from a "mystery box". They feel or hear or smell it & then talk about what they find. (Like the Montessori sensory materials.)
Touch Box: Cotton fabric, stone, a piece of glass with smooth edges, sandpaper--any items that give children a chance to experience softness, hardness, smoothness, roughness.
Shape Box: Wooden block, marble, ball, book, spoon, a triangular shape, a paper cone.
Smell Box: An assortment from the kitchen, including mustard, cinnamon, vinegar.
Sound Box: Whistle, bell, key chain, a piece of crumpled paper.
Finishing Stories--ages 4-8
Children need to develop the ability to tell stories that have beginnings, middles & ends. Start out with one person, probably an adult, telling a story. But stop before coming to the end. Let children finish the story.
Logical Order Puzzles--ages 7-9
Clip paragraphs from the newspaper (or photocopy from books). Or ask children to write their own about any subject that comes to mind. Paragraphs written by professional writers in large advertising print work well for this exercise.
Cut & separate the sentences & mix up the pieces. The challenge is for the youngster to work these sentences back into a logical order.
Tying Up Ideas--ages 8-12
Everyone jots down an idea or name of a thing. The goal is to combine these items into a logical sentence. Let's say you get the words "toys", "trip", "sunny", "teachers". You might come up with this: "On sunny days, teachers often let their classes take toys with them on school trips."
Dialogue: Who Says What?--ages 8-12
Try writing some parent-child conversations about typical household problems. Examples: Tracking mud into the kitchen, making time for homework, children refusing to do chores. These dialogues are tremendously revealing for both parents & children, & they're great writing practice.
Combine History with Writing--ages 8-12
Use famous persons. Everybody writes a pretend page from the diary of a famous person.
Homemade Poetry--any age
Probably almost every poem in print was written outside of school.
Read some poems aloud. Take turns reading to each other. Make a game of picking the poems by closing your eyes & letting your fingers land at random on the table of contents. Encourage children to use words that "paint" pictures.
Where is Joe's Cow--ages 7-12
Imitating sentence patterns is good grammar practice. Start with the simple statement, "Joe has a cow." Children, depending on age & ability, can either repeat what you say or come up with the same structure by using their own words, such as "Sally has a horse", then "Joe & Ted have a cow", & so on.
Now change to the question form: "Where is Joe's cow?" Move to the command: "Joe, bring me that cow!" And, of course, the exclamation: "Wow, what a cow Joe has!"
Keep the Praise Coming: Try not to overcriticize a child's initial writing work.
The need for children to learn to communicate through writing has never been greater. You have to be able to put words on paper.
MATH: GETTING COMFORTABLE WITH NUMBERS
Help children feel comfortable with numbers. Even with calculators & computers to help, we still have to cope with numbers. And we have to be able to face them as fearlessly as possible.
To succeed in math, I'm told by those who know, a child really needs not a storehouse of math tricks but rather a storehouse of math experiences to call on. These are all around us.
Around-the-Stove Math--any age
Math is good in the kitchen at any age. For the pre-reader: Set the table & count the settings. For the early reader, measure ingredients & read recipes. For the older elementary grader, divide & double recipes.
Egg Carton Counter--any age
Save those old egg cartons. In the bottom of each egg section, write in a number. Make some of these negative, or minus, numbers to get the excitement going. This is great for matching or pitching games with two or more people. Give each person an equal number of pennies or stones. Try to land in the sections that have the highest scores. When the pennies or stones are used up, total your scores.
Play Store--ages 4-6
Save milk cartons & other boxes. Use play or real money. Have youngsters price items. How much for a quart of milk? For a can of corn? Young readers can check prices using newspaper ads.
Napkin Fractions--ages 7-9
Make fractions fun to learn & get the table set differently every night. Paper towels or napkins can be folded into all kinds of big & little fractions. Start with easy halves & move to eighths or sixteenths. Use markers to label the parts.
Uneven Eaters--ages 7-9
This old standby is still effective. Let's say you have three for dinner & only two hamburgers. How will you divide them? What about five eaters & only four baked potatoes?
The Long Receipt--ages 7-9
Check grocery receipts against your purchases. Have your child match prices on items coming out of the bags with the numbers on the receipts. Did you get everything on your list?
What's in the House?--ages 8-12
Before going to the store, ask children to help you figure out what's needed by looking at the fractional amounts of items you still have.
What's left of the sugar? All gone? Two pounds? How much bread is on hand? A quarter of a loaf? How much milk? Half a gallon? How many eggs? A third of a dozen?
Food Label Numbers--ages 8-12
There's a lot of math on food labels, mandated by law. What's the expiration date? How heavy is the can? What percentages of different foods are contained?
Math Concepts in the Kitchen--ages 8-12
Cut cupcakes, apples or oranges into pieces that can be reassembled. The concept is that the whole can be divided into parts & reassembled to form the whole--unless someone eats a piece or two.
Find two containers of different shapes that hold the same amount of water. These might be two measuring cups or coffee cups with the same capacity. Illustrate this by filling one of the containers with water & then pouring the water into the other container.
For young children, make dot-to-dot puzzles using different number sequences: 1, 2, 3...for young children; 3, 6, 9...for more sophisticated players.
Measure for Pleasure--ages 4-8
The World is filled with things & spaces to measure. How tall is the lamp? How wide is the room? Use yardsticks, tape measures, string--anything that can measure. Jot down the results to share with the family.
Count the windows & doors in any one room.
Newspaper Numbers--ages 7-9
Open almost any page of the paper, & you'll find numbers galore. As a starting point with young children, ask them to circle every number they see.
Let them get practice in rounding off those numbers by estimating, for example what four shirts that sell for $7.99 each will cost, or what five pounds of potatoes that sell for eighty-nine cents a pound will cost.
Math Bounce--ages 7-9
Bounce a ball (if indoors, not too vigorously) to show your math answers. What's twelve minus nine, divided by one, or six plus eleven? Children get exercise & give their answers by bouncing the ball the right number of times.
Family Fractions--ages 8-12
By what fraction are little brothers & sisters younger than you, & by what fraction are your parents older?
Practice Percentages--ages 8-12
Look around the room. Figure the percentage of people in the room who are wearing sneakers. Look outside. Count the cars on the block. Figure the percentage of black or white cars of all the cars on the block.
Math in Hobbies--ages 8-12
Photography: Shopping for a camera is an experience in mathematics, & it's not just in the initial cost. Compare film prices: How many pennies per exposure? Is it cheaper to buy a roll of twenty exposures than to buy twelve exposures? How much do you lose when a picture doesn't turn out? Development costs?
Gardening: How many rows will fit in a four-by-four-foot garden plot if they are six inches apart? Eight inches?
Ask the Calculator--ages 10-12
How many dozen eggs do you think this family will eat in a year? How many quarts (or gallons) of milk will we drink in a year? How many steps do you take in a week? In a month? In a year? How many hours or minutes in a month? How many hours until Christmas? Making up the questions is almost as much fun as coming up with the answers.
Math in the Bathtub--ages 4-6, or younger
Equip the tub or sink with plastic containers of various sizes: Cup, pint, quart, liter, gallon.
Weigh Me--ages 4-8
Bring out that bathroom scale & start weighing--anything & everything. First let your children make guesses about how much different things weigh, including themselves.
Tile-a-While--any age
Often there are tiles in a bathroom. How many & how wide & long are they? Start counting & come up with some hard data. You can even find out how much area the tiles cover by multiplying the size of one tile by how many there are. This can be lively information at the dinner table if you first ask for guesses from the family. Who comes closest to the correct answer?
Matching & Piling--ages 4-7
Laundry contains numbers. Match the socks & count them. Count the sheets & fold them into fractional parts, down to half, down to one quarter.
Ingredients in Clothes--ages 8-12
What are our clothes made of? These days labels rarely read "100 percent" of anything. Check them to figure out what percentage of ingredients are in the garments you see before you.
Watch the Clock--ages 7-9
Practice estimating times. How long before Mom or Dad gets home? How long will it take us to get ready for this trip?
What's Your Size?--ages 4-9
Talk about the family's sizes: Shoes, dresses & suits. Who has the biggest hands? The shortest feet? The longest legs?
SPECIAL EDUCATION: LOOK, LISTEN & DO.
Sort & Stack--ages 4-7
LOOK: Ask your child to choose at least six cans or food containers & to watch you put the cans in order according to size. Mix them up. Now your child, who has watched you, puts the cans back in the left-to-right order that you established. Now trade places.
Together with your child, look carefully at a can & its label. Then hide it. Ask your child to tell from memory what is in the can. What color is it? What shape is it? How big is it?
LISTEN: Name three foods that have the same beginning sound & one with a different beginning sound. Example: raspberries, raisins, rutabaga, asparagus.
Ask your child these questions: Do these start with the same sound? Which one is different?
Continue using a variety of cereals, meats & vegetables to illustrate other beginning sounds.
Choose six cans. With your child, look at the labels carefully. Say the first word of the contents of each can aloud. Ask your child to listen carefully & then, with eyes closed, to recall what is in at least four of the cans.
DO: You & your child together can "organise" the cupboard. Label cupboard shelves by types of items.
Body & Brain--ages 4-6
LOOK: Find pictures of people standing up, sitting down, kneeling or crouching. Find two pictures of people standing up & at least one with someone sitting down. Ask your child to try to imitate the postures in two of these pictures.
Do three exercises in a row. Example: Jump, reach high, touch toes. Ask your child to watch & then to do the exercises you did. Now do only two of these exercises. Leave one out. Your child watches carefully & does the exercise that was left out.
LISTEN: Ask children to close their eyes while you bounce a ball on three different surfaces. Say the name of the surface as you bounce. Examples: Rug, wood, linoleum.
Now bounce the ball on one surface. Your child, listening with eyes closed, names the surface.
Bounce the ball in a rhythmic pattern while your child listens carefully. Your youngster's task is to bounce the ball, duplicating your rhythm.
Ask your child to bring you an object from another room, but do not use its name. Example: "Go to the garage & find something that is round & red & rolls." Your child listens, repeats your directions, finds the object & brings it back.
DO: Do several exercises to music. Use a clock to time each other.
Lay a tape measure in a straight line on the floor. Walk along the tape, one foot before the other, heel to toe. Check the number on the tape when someone steps off the line. The person who keeps to the straight & narrow the farthest wins!
Family View--ages 4-8
LOOK: Cut out pictures of people doing different activities. Point to those done indoors & those done outdoors. Examples: Vacuuming is indoors. Running is outdoors.
Mix up the pictures. Your child's task it to put the pictures of outdoor activities in one pile & the pictures of indoor activities in another pile.
LISTEN: Say a sentence or two that your child hears & then recalls. Here is a classic example: "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers." Your child listens & repeats this & then says a sentence for you to repeat.
Mapping it out--ages 4-8
This activity helps children learn to read maps & give directions. You need a city or state map. Spread it out on a flat surface so that when you look at it, north (N) is at the top & south (S) is at the bottom.
LOOK: Point out different colors on the map. one at a time. Ask your child to locate colors that are the same.
Point out the symbol for railroad tracks. Do the same for other symbols, such as those for rivers & highways. Ask your child to locate other tracks & rivers.
Point to the four directions on the map. Ask your child to watch you & then to say & point to those directions.
LISTEN: Say aloud the names of three streets near your home. Have your child repeat them.
Thinking of You--ages 7-9
LOOK: Write two good things about your child, each on a separate slip of paper. Examples: "Bill smiles a lot"; "Bill minds his manners."
Have your child read them, & return them. Write a new compliment about your child on another piece of paper. Include this one with the others & give them to your child. Your child's task is to read & find the new compliment.
Party Time--ages 7-9
LOOK: Together prepare a grocery list for your menu. Print each item on a separate card. When you get to the store, your child uses the cards to find all the items.
DO: At home, show a sample place setting with napkins, spoons, plates, bowls, glasses. Remind your child how many are coming. Your child's task is to set the table by following this sample model.
SPECIAL TIMES
Set up a Home Interest Center (any age). On a table top or bookcase, put out books, articles, or pictures on a particular subject.
A Summer Trip Around the World--Without Leaving Home--ages 7-12
Take the youngsters on a trip without leaving home. Be sure all the kids understand it's an imaginary trip.
Tack up a large (the bigger the better) map of the World. With the family working together, chart a travel course.
Spend some time on it each day or refer to it once a week, depending on the time you can spare & how much it interests the children.
Try to plan the trip so that a few countries of special interest & contrasting appeal are highlighted; perhaps visit France, Japan & Russia. For these countries, your trip details can be in depth: Weather, food, music, history, geography, daily life.
Avoid a textbook approach. Try special nights: "An Evening in Paris", with the children planning a French meal & singing French songs; "An Evening in Beijing", with Chinese food & chopsticks. These evenings need not be elaborate. The important point is that the children themselves do the preparing.
TRANSITIONS: KEEPING UP WITH CHILDREN'S LEARNING
Under Control--ages 10-12
It is important to talk together. Ask children to think about their behaviour when they are angry. Do they try to cool off before speaking? Do they talk things over with someone? Do they start a fight? Would you like to change any of this? If so, what would you change? Encourage children to watch people's faces, hands & legs when they are angry. This is called body language. Sometimes you learn more through body language than from the words people say.
You Be the Judge--ages 10-12
This activity gives children an understanding of how we sometimes let others make decisions for us. This might be how drinking alcohol or taking drugs starts. Sometimes we try to please other people too much. (Editor: Instead of pleasing the Lord.)
Ask your child to choose a favorite piece of clothing. It might be something for school or an outfit for special events. Start with questions like these: Why is this piece of clothing your favorite? Is it the color? Is it because someone special bought it for you? Do your friends own clothes like yours? Would you wear these clothes if you knew your friends didn't like them? Would you wear them if they weren't popular?
Today in the News--ages 10-12
Young people need to realise that what happens anywhere in the World today can affect their own lives.
Find at least two articles that tell of events in a foreign country. Examples: Winners announced in European bicycle race. Drugs seized at the border.
Talk about these. Could any of these things happen here?
Volunteer & Learn--ages 10-12
Volunteering in the community is a fine way to help children gain work experience & to learn about the needs of others. Many nursing homes & hospitals recognise the value of having young people around to mix & mingle with the elderly.
The Family Learning Center
This is a way families can help each other.
Book/Toy Lending Library: This is a collection of toys for children & materials & books on parenting, schooling & family issues that parents can check out for use at home. The collection is made up of toys & books that families no longer want. These are brought to the library to be exchanged for toys & books that other families have finished with.
Parent Workshops: Parents get together to learn together. Parenting is a subject none of us knows very much about--especially before problems arise. Talk about discipline; talk about balancing work & family responsibilities; talk about how to keep kids off drugs & into learning.
Child Care: This service can be offered while parents use the center. Involve upper elementary or teenage students. In this way child care is available & the older youngsters gain job experience.
Sewing Materials: Parents may use these for repairing or making children's clothes. A sewing machine can be borrowed or donated for use in the room.
Typing/Office Equipment: A typewriter, computer or copier might be made available for parental use in the Family Learning Center.
About Schools
To judge whether a teacher is good, bad or in between, you don't need to be an expert on education.
Don't be impressed with the bulletin boards, with whether the desks are neat & the room is quiet. Some of the best learning in my classroom goes on in what probably looks like minor bedlam, with students moving about, making noise, even laughing.
Try to sense the atmosphere of the room. Is there a feeling of security among the students? Are they waiting expectantly for my pronouncements as teacher? Do I encourage divergent opinions & answers, or am I "answer pulling", looking only for the exact one I have in mind?
How do I treat "wrong" answers? Do I discard them?
How are my assignments? Are my directions specific & clear? Do I ask the whole class to do the same assignment, or do I sometimes try to provide for some individual, independent work?
How do I treat "difficult" children?
Do I convey to students the qualities of optimism & encouragement?
Teachers need praise too, but if something upsets you, discuss it.
For the best evaluation of the school I suggest that parents look to their children. Are they interested in learning? Are they eager to go to school each day? When this is happening, the school year is good. When it isn't, there is trouble.
About Report Cards
Nobody really likes report cards, not even teachers. Teachers cannot accurately judge what a student has learned.
One teacher gives a C to a paper; another teacher might give an A.
Grades should not become ends in themselves so that nothing is remembered when the exam is over. Children should not be labeled early as poor students unable to break the chains of low marks. Threats about grades can cripple children with a fear of failure. Grades need to be explained so that parents & children are not left to wonder & guess what they mean & why they were given.
Grades should not be regarded as prophetic, all-knowing measures of children's abilities.
Don't let low grades make you think less of a child. See the report card for what it is. It is an attempt by teachers to assess what a student has learned. It is an administrative convenience in school record keeping. It is not an evaluation of the child as a human being--"you're good"; "you're bad". Grades are not all-knowing. The grade itself, whether an A or D, is a mixture of test scores & teacher reactions. All this can be discussed with your youngster so that grades are put in proper perspective without being discredited.
Instill in your children the idea that regardless of the grades they receive, they continue to be accepted & loved. Anxiety about grades can give youngsters the dangerous idea that their value in life & their love from you depend on whether they bring home A's or C's. Since most children will bring home C's, whether they or their parents like it or not, it's dangerous business to make a C student feel less valuable as a human being because of a little letter that may be wrong.
Communication
What comes to mind when asked the following questions:
What's one thing that you wish your parents had told you?
What's one thing you are especially glad your parents told you?
What do you think you should tell your child...that you're hesitant to tell?
What do you think your children would tell you...if they had the nerve?
Be brave--communicate!
When Others Are With Your Children
There is more to childcare than finding someone to do it.
1) Define the Job.
You need to spend time talking with applicants about how you want your child's time spent & what you expect of each other. Provide a clear message of what needs to be done & when.
2) Look for Doers.
You really don't want "sitters". You want your childcare helpers to come up with activities & projects, to take pride in this educational work with your child. You want a responsive & friendly person who is willing to listen & who enjoys being with children.
Give applicants sample problems to solve. Examples: A child is cranky & bored. What do you do? A child wants to eat dinner, but it's not yet time. What do you do?
Try out an activity with your child--while you watch informally.
Make a Plan: Stock Up on Activity Ideas. Talk together. Ask for your helper's ideas on what to do with your child. And ask your child, too. How long should all this planning take? Probably no more than thirty minutes each week.
List activities for different days. Try to vary quiet activities, such as reading, with vigorous activities, such as playground games. Look for shorter & longer activities.
Encourage helpers to compile an informal list of activity ideas as they come to mind.
Even if they are able to, helpers shouldn't do all the work. Some work should be saved for the kids.
Jobs given children must be real & not make-work. Even a very young child can recognise a phony job. Short jobs that children can finish fairly quickly are very satisfying.
Preschoolers love water play. In the summer they can do water work: Sprinkling the lawn, washing bicycles, hosing down the front porch. Older children can help with grocery shopping, cooking & even polishing shoes.
Helpers may need tips on how to set up & arrange the work area.
Newspapers, plastic drop cloths or old shower curtains should be spread down before work starts.
Prepare a Special Childcare Box. It needs the traditional arts & crafts supplies: Crayons, pencils, paper (several colors & textures), round-edge scissors, glue, scraps of cloth, washable markers, ruler, string, old magazines with pictures.
Schedule After-School Time. Here's a sample schedule for young children. Use it as a takeoff point for your own ideas.
3:15-3:30--Snacks: Milk, cookies, carrot sticks. Helper & child can make treats the day before.
3:30-4:00--Activity Time: Walk around the block. Example: Count cars, look for different kinds, colors.
4:00-4:30--Story Time: Take turns reading aloud. Ask each other questions about the story. Stop before getting to the end; ask how it will turn out.
4:30-5:00--Arts Time: Do a quick arts & crafts project. Example: Make place mats from ordinary paper to use for setting the supper table. Children do drawings with markers. They can add names of the people who will be eating. These make nice surprise presents for the family. With older children, play board games or do a puzzle together.
5:00-5:30--Homework Time: For youngsters with homework to do, set aside time. It may take a longer or shorter period.
5:30-6:00--Set table &/or help get supper ready: Prepare for the meal; make snacks for the next day. Straighten house for parents' arrival.
CREATIVITY
"My kids are learning to read & write. Should I care if they sing, dance or draw?"
The answer is yes--mostly because of what is being learned about the complexities of our double-hemisphere brains. The left brain gets the workout in school: It handles the language, the numbers, the reading, the writing, the talking. The right brain is the artsy side: It handles music, spatial skills, intuition & imagery.
Creative activity requires both sides of the brain. When we sing, we read notes (left brain) & produce musical sounds (right brain). To help our children gain optimal development & use of their brains, they need to give both sides a workout.
The Costume Box--ages 4-8
Youngsters love to dress up & imagine they're someone else. To encourage this, provide a costume box of old clothes, including hats & shoes. Small props like the following are especially useful: Fans, umbrellas, luggage, toy trucks, masks, dolls.
Drama builds a child's self-confidence & imagination. It also helps youngsters understand others by asking them literally to put themselves in other people's shoes.
Artwork Area--any age
Set up, with children, a work area where they can spread out & be messy. They need a storage shelf for supplies & a display area for finished creations. This can be a corner of a room.
Picture Puzzles--ages 4-6
Paste a picture on cardboard & then cut puzzle pieces out, with or without drawing lines on the back for guidance.
Dress Me--ages 4-8
This is a variation of pin the tail, with blindfolded players pinning paper cutouts of clothes--shirt, shorts, socks & shoes--onto paper silhouette figures of children. Children lie down on sheets of wrapping or shelf paper & you draw around their bodies. This combines children's intense interest in themselves with their creative joy in making their very own games.
Master Builder--ages 8-12
With your older children, make a playground, a project that takes both physical & creative effort. In this activity, children create their own outdoor play structures. Household & hardware scraps are welcome: Old tires, steering wheels, door knobs, wooden crates. Some tools & a friend or two to help, & this project is on its way.
Dance & Movement
Play statues. When the music stops, so do the children, exactly as they were when they heard the last beat.
Make the body shapes. Try a wide shape, a thin shape, a curve backward, a curve forward, a jumping shape, a running shape, a ball shape, a duck shape.
Play "relax". Lie down on your back & relax. Then concentrate on putting parts of the body to sleep. Start with the toes, move upward to the legs, to the hips & so on.
Encourage movement of all types: Leaping like frogs, twisting like donuts, bounding like balls, shaking like jelly, stretching like rubber bands, falling like rain.
INSPIRATION & PERSPIRATION
Who are those people who sail their own boats across the Atlantic, who invent folding bicycles, who write poems, who hunt microbes? They are the ones who sat next to us in class, but they are not necessarily the ones who got the good grades in school.
It was Edison who said that genius is 10 percent inspiration & 90 percent perspiration. This has been reconfirmed in the mid-1980s by studies that indicate that no matter what the initial characteristics or gifts of an individual, unless there is a long & sustained process of encouragement & training, that person will not attain high levels of capability in subjects ranging from music to athletics. In short, special, innate gifts are nice, but they are not enough.
We can get stuck into thinking that education consists only of school grades & attending the best schools.
The top characteristics of productive, creative people include intellectual courage, independent thinking & judgment, courage of convictions, preoccupation with & absorption in tasks, intuitiveness, persistence, willingness to take risks, & unwillingness to accept judgment of authorities. These do not necessarily lead to the school honor roll.
The long lists of school "problems" include the authors Thomas Mann, Pearl Buck & Willa Cather; the inventor Henry Ford; the dancer Isadora Duncan; the scientist Albert Einstein; the composer Edward Grieg. Disastrous school experiences of creative people are almost commonplace.
Before compulsory education, many gifted youngsters became school dropouts. They continued their education in specialised apprenticeships & in the informal schooling that went on at home.
Among school dropouts are the Wright brothers, Thomas Edison, Noel Coward, Mark Twain & Pablo Casals.
Einstein believed examinations, with their insistence on memorised facts, impeded education, which he felt was based on a "perpetual sense of wonder". It's said that he had a terrible time passing the usual school examinations, as did the composer Giacomo Puccini & the scientist Paul Ehrlich.
Writers who couldn't make the grade in class but who took literary honors afterward include Proust (his teachers said his compositions were disorganised), Stephen Crane, Eugene O'Neill, William Faulkner, & F. Scott Fitzgerald.
You can do everything "right" & still not have a gifted child. You can do a lot wrong & have a gifted child.
Resilient children show the ability to bounce back. They can handle frustration. Gifted children have the ability to seek help from other adults if they cannot get help from their own parents. They may have average academic skills, but they have high social intelligence. Surely this is giftedness, & yet tests don't record it.
The Learning Environment at Home
The ingredients required to enrich a child's life aren't found in expensive toys & educational hardware. The recipe is made up instead of the inventiveness & the responsiveness of human beings. Much of it is free, but it takes some time & planning.
Children need to be able to explore their environment without a constant no, no, no. They need a house that is as safe as it can be & things that they can experiment with.
Children need a home environment that shows a love of learning & respect for achievement; they need lots of language experience, answers to their questions, serious & intelligent talk, explorations into the World, time with friends, & toys & materials to use freely & imaginatively.
Children need a high frequency of contact with adults. Children need adults who respond to them with hugs, words & emotion. These signs need to be as consistent & clear as possible so that children receive clues on how they behave & how they affect others. When they behave well, they need adults to reinforce & praise them.
Children need time to play in the way that scientists play, looking behind the ordinary to figure out for themselves how things work.
Children need an environment where everything isn't happening all at one time. Children need a sense of stability & mastery over their environment so they can develop reasonable expectations about what is going to happen.
Children need activities suited for their abilities, work that is just a little beyond what they can already do.
The Art of Teaching
Children may be "born learners". But many parents are not "born teachers" at any time!
Creativity & intelligence thrive on discussion. Sometimes adults, who need the practice least, do most of the talking, while children sit by passively. Probably the best teaching tip is, "Don't talk too much!"
Keep explanations short & back them up with tangible demonstrations.
Challenge children's incentive. Say jokingly, "I'm going to teach you something so hard you'll never catch on." Then when they do catch on, add to their joy with your own excitement. Avoid the pitfalls of too-personal involvement. That's the dangerous "do this for me" attitude.
If children are wrong, praise them for trying & encourage them to try again. They need to learn to keep going, despite disappointments & setbacks.
The Home Report Card
Think about the following for each child in your house & what you've seen over the past year:
New skills learned/Old skills improved. Don't leave out a one, from sewing to swimming, to a preteen learning to babysit.
Accomplishments. Some children torture themselves & you by being dissatisfied with their achievements. They need help in accepting what they can do now. Point these out.
Self-understanding. What do your children know about themselves that they didn't know last year? Interests? Likes? Dislikes? What do they regard as their strengths & weaknesses? Ask children to come up with specific instances in which they showed themselves capable of handling a problem.
Relationships with others. What changes do you see? How do your youngsters get along with you? Are they making friends? Are they keeping them?
The best thing of the year. Answers to this one can be very revealing & surprising. Your quick family visit to a woodworking shop might have had more impact than a week at the beach.
The worst thing. You get to know your children better & they, you, when you compare answers on this one.
Ideas for next year. What would youngsters do differently or the same? If they say they want to go to art classes or take riding lessons, it can mean starting to save now for a future program.
Turning Ideas on, Not Off
There's an ad that I keep next to my desk. It shows a light bulb in different panels, from brilliantly lit to completely dark. In the first panel, the words under the bright bulb read, "I have an idea." In the next, with the bulb just a little less light, it says, "A word of caution." Then, as the bulb in each panel shows less & less light, the words read, "A little too radical", "I like myself, but", "It's just not us", "I wish it were that easy". In the final panel, with the bulb completely dark, the words read: "Oh, it was just an idea."
The point is graphically & effectively made; turning off an idea is far easier than keeping it lit.
SECRETS OF MEGASKILLS
Let's start with the ten MegaSkills in this book. Which are the most important to you? Put a check next to the ones you choose:
You: Your Child:
Confidence ____ ____
Motivation ____ ____
Responsibility ____ ____
Perseverance ____ ____
Caring ____ ____
Teamwork ____ ____
Effort ____ ____
Initiative ____ ____
Common Sense ____ ____
Problem Solving____ ____
You may want to add additional creativity traits, such as:
Curiosity ____ ____
Independence ____ ____
Intuition ____ ____
Courage ____ ____
Using the list above, put an X next to those you claim for yourself. Don't be modest; try to be honest. You aren't expected to have them all.
Use the list above to put an O next to those you see in your child. Be at least as charitable with your child as you are to yourself. Acquiring MegaSkills is a lifetime task. Be sure to remember to tell your children about the MegaSkills you believe they have.
If you were a teacher, you would write report cards. What comments might you make about your children on their report cards?
He is motivated because ____________.
She shows initiative when ____________.
He is confident as he ____________.
Her perseverance shows when ____________.
Ask Yourself: "Do I..."
If answers to the questions that follow are yes, try to give an example of how you do it. If the answer is no, think about what you could do to change the answer to yes.
Do I try to set standards & goals for children that are attainable so that children have a good chance for success? Do my children know what these are?
Do I let my children make as many of their own decisions as possible so that they can learn to live with them & evaluate their own choices?
Do I encourage my children to learn responsibility by being counted on to do certain jobs?
Do I give my children many & different opportunities to take leadership roles at home?
Do I give specific recognition for a job well done & effort put forth?
Do I allow my children to express their opinions? Do I listen to what they have to say?
Do I try to focus on my children's strengths rather than on their weaknesses?
Do I try to hold a realistic vision of my children as individuals?
Do I recognise that my children, like all of us, will pass through periods in which they achieve more, periods in which they achieve less? Do I accept this in my children...& in myself?
Our children need a vision of their importance--not ego or self-importance, but a strong feeling that they matter & that what they do matters. Because it does.
Learning: Past & Present
It's harder to acquire MegaSkills these days. Children have to watch where they walk or ride & whom they talk to; they're bombarded on all sides by media messages that are often anti-learning. Everything seems to scream: "Now! Now! Now! More! More! More!" Dealing with a society so filled with change, our children have more to learn than we did if they are going to keep up. And there are more people out there competing with them than ever before.
Among the most exciting educational research findings of recent years is that human beings have "multiple intelligences", & IQ reflects only part of them. These are secrets just now being uncovered, & they help to explain how "smart" people can be "stupid", & vice versa. The reality is that we are smart in different ways & are smarter in some situations than in others.
When parents & children do something constructive together, a special something happens. If there are tensions, especially as children grow older, they seem to evaporate, or at least they don't get in the way.
MegaSkills are the legacy we give our children. They are the report cards our children will give us as parents, even after we are not here to receive them.
A QUIZ FOR PARENTS
We grade ourselves hard as parents. I've seldom heard a parent say, "I am a darned good parent." Of course, there is no way we can do everything right. But surely there must be some things we do right, even me, even you.
We may not be good parents all of the time, but we are not bad parents all of the time.
To get your score, you simply count up the number of checks you have made. When you check "More Than Once" also check "Once". You get two checks for each "More Than Once" answer.
Last Week: Think back over the last week. Ask yourself, "To what extent did I do the following with my child?" It may be that you ate a meal together every day; it may be that you read together at night; it may be that you took walks together. You may have done one of these regularly & another not at all. It's not possible to do everything.
If your child is in the age group four through seven, respond to & score "a" thorough "p". Responding to "q" through "u" is optional. If your child is in the age group eight through twelve, complete the entire test. Remember, if you check "More Than Once", also check "Once."
Last week I: Once More Than Once
a. Gave my child a hug.
b. Took a walk with my child
c. Laughed with my child.
d. Read to my child.
e. Ate at least one meal a day with my child.
f. Asked my child what happened during the day.
g. Did not interrupt when my child was independently involved in study, a project or game.
h. Let my child hug me.
i. Told my child about my day.
j. Watched a TV program with my child.
k. Told my child I love him/her.
l. Talked with my child about his/her friends.
m. Played a quiet game indoors with my child.
n. Played active sports outdoors with my child.
o. Previewed videos for my child.
p. Praised & encouraged my child.
q. Talked with my child about schoolwork.
r. Talked about current news & events.
s. Did some household chores with my child.
t. Let my child read to me.
u. Cooked with my child.
Other: Here you can add an activity or two that is not on the above list but for which you deserve credit.
Last week Total Number of Checks
ages 4- 7 (a-p) = ____ + (other) = ____
ages 8-12 (a-u) = ____ + (other) = ____
Last Month: Think back over the last month. Ask yourself, "To what extent did I do the following with & on behalf of my child?"
If your child is in the age group four through seven, respond to & score "a" through "f". Responding to "g" through "m" is optional. Your score in that section will not count against you. If your child is in the age group eight through twelve, complete the entire test. Remember, if you check "More Than Once:, also check "Once".
Last month I: Once More Than Once
a. Encouraged my child to have friends visit our house.
b. spent time with my child on a hobby or special project over a period of several days.
c. Listened to my child explain his/her point of view that was different from mine.
d. Told my child about my own childhood experiences.
e. Took my child shopping with me...& it went well.
f. Took my child to a library, museum or zoo.
g. Attended a play, concert, movie or other entertainment with my child.
h. Did something my child persuaded me to do that turned out to be a good idea.
i. Attended an outdoor activity with my child.
j. Arranged for my child to go on a special short trip or errand.
k. Attended a special activity time with my child.
l. Talked with my child about the future, possible jobs, & educational plans.
m. Read & talked with my child about a newspaper or magazine article.
Other:
Last month Total Number of Checks:
ages 4-7 (a-f) = ____ + (other) = ____
ages 8-12 (a-m) = ____ + (other) = ____
The Count Up: Now you are ready to give yourself your MegaSkills Parent's Award grade. Parents of eight to twelve year-olds have the possibility of 68+ checks. Parents of four to seven year olds have the possibility of 44+ checks. The plus points are dependent on your contributions to the Other activity line.
Give yourself a grade of A+ if: For ages 4-7 you score 40-44; for ages 8-12 you score 64-68.
Congratulations! Congratulations! Are you really this good? If so, you have my admiration & the gratitude (one would hope) of your children.
Give yourself a grade of A if: For ages 4-7 you score 36-39; for ages 8-12 you score 60-63.
You are terrific. You are doing a lot & doing it well!
Give yourself a grade of B if: For ages 4-7 you score 32-35; for ages 8-12 you score 56-59.
You sound honest & know you have to keep working.
Give yourself a grade of C if: For ages 4-7 you score 28-31; for ages 8-12 you score 50-55.
You are probably too hard on yourself, but if what you are saying is true, you would do well to spend some time getting your act together.
Give yourself a grade of "I" for incomplete if you score below a "C". Come on, go back & try to get a few more points.