104. RELATIONS WITH PEOPLE       --page 822--

         Now we exhort you brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feeble minded, support the weak, be patient toward all men (1Thes.5:14).

         1. You don't drive and beat your sheep and say, "Produce some wool!" You tenderly lovingly care for them, and feed them and fatten them and take good care of them, and the wool will come.
         2. When the top people don't even communicate with their co-workers, then of course they don't understand the problems of those under them.
         3. The king must listen to his counselors, and they must listen to him. The counselors must listen to the people, and the people must listen to the counselors.
         4. If you want a sluggish person to show more life, give him more to do. It can make a new person out of him.
         5. People can be interested in anything--if you make it interesting.
         6. The only way to settle a disagreement is on the basis of what's right--not who's right.
         7. In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
         8. One of the most important trips a man can make is that involved in meeting the other fellow half-way.
         9. Don't put the ugly potty on the mantelpiece and stick the beautiful vase under the bed! Have a little sense!
         10. Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.
         11. "I am proud of you" are five of the most precious words you can ever use to make another person feel important.
         12. A friend must not be injured unnecessarily, not even in jest.
         13. Some people have got a hard outside but they've got a soft heart. Look for it.
         14. If he doesn't recognize what he wants, then help him to see it.
         15. Try to fix the mistake--never the blame.
         16. I always like to end a talk, a counseling session or a Letter on as positive a note as possible, so people leave with a good feeling.
         17. Remember: Everyone likes to feel important. People are hungry for praise and starving for honest appreciation.
         18. Always try to give people a chance to be sorry. Try to give them a chance to change.
         19. Rather than always making positive statements, also cultivate the art of asking questions, which can be the most effective means of winning people to your way of thinking. Inquire rather that attack.
         20. One of the worst things that can happen to people is a loss of hope!--When there's no hope of change or for anything better, that's hell.
         21. Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know that you trust him.
         22. It's one thing to tell people off, but then you've got to give them some way of escape, some way out of it, offer them some hope, something positive--to get them on again!
         23. Praise loudly; blame softly.
         24. A pat on the back, though a few vertebrae removed from a kick in the pants, is miles ahead in results.
         25. If you pay not a servant his wages, he will pay himself.
         26. There are two sides to every question.
         27. Admonish your friends privately, but praise them openly.
         28. You must look into people as well as at them.
         29. If you would lift me, you must be on higher ground.
         30. He hears but half who hears one party only.
         31. Many individuals have, like uncut diamonds, shining qualities beneath a rough exterior.
         32. Give credit where credit is due--don't suddenly forget all the good points somebody has, upon discovering one of their bad points!
         33. People who can't work with anybody else usually can't work with God either!
         34. Do you make it easy for others to be good?
         35. Nobody can please everybody!
         36. A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
         37. You're either going to pull people up to your level, or let them drag you down to theirs--one or the other! There's no in-between.
         38. The best cure for personal problems is the battlefront!
         39. You just can't expect a square peg to fit a round hole!
         40. Outside of loving God, your greatest responsibility is to love your neighbour, because it seems that neighbours are the hardest people to love!
         41. The sweetest music in the World to most peoples' ears is their own name!--Which is a natural thing because it shows somebody loves you enough to remember, somebody cared enough to know you exist!
         42. Every case has to be considered on its own individual merits and the problems involved.
         43. Lack of consideration for human weaknesses and the needs of the body does not encourage loyalty or faithfulness.
         44. How to work with people: Know their strong points and use them, know their weaknesses and watch out for them--accept them as they are.
         45. When I want information on a person, I try to get my counsel from his friends, those that love him most and will give fair counsel, as well as his enemies.--Hear both sides!
         46. There are many sides to almost every story--you can never get the full picture from just one party to the problem.
         47. First tell people what they've done well, before starting to sock it to them for their mistakes.
         48. People are always problems, but a great joy as well.
         49 A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a quip and worried to death by a frown.
         50. If the majority refuses to listen to the minority, the majority will be in trouble!
         51. No side is always all right and the other all wrong. There's always some good and bad on both sides.
         52. The best way to get somebody to do something is by making him want to do it.
         53. Each case must be judged on its own merits, and dealt with according to the leading of the Spirit!
         54. There is a fine line between helping people and interfering with their lives. Be led of the Spirit.
         55. Great teachers and great business leaders have the knack of stimulating others to stretch themselves so they come nearer to using the full measure of their aptitudes. This stimulation requires an evaluation of the person as an individual to discover 1) What he need to develop, 2) The motives which will produce the strongest effort on his part.
         56. You can please some of the people all the time, and all of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time.
         57. Success is knowing the difference between cornering people and getting them in your corner.
         58. Nothing is all wrong. Even a clock that has stopped running is right twice a day.
         59. Help me never to judge another until I have walked in his shoes.
         60. You judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends.
         61. In judging others, it's always best to see with the heart as well as the eyes.
         62. The quick surface judgment is not always the right one.
         63. The left side of your face, the heart side, is always the most spiritual side. The right side is the more human down-to-earth side, more practical, almost business-like.
         64. Our faces are not there for nothing--God made the physical to pretty well portray the inner personality and spirit.
         65. I believe in trying to give a man his choice to do what he has the faith for.
         66. By embracing a person you can tell quite a bit about them--their personal attitude toward you as well as even many times their spiritual attitudes.--Probably why the Lord exhorted the holy kiss--a test for love and yieldedness.
         67. A leader must realize there's two sides to every story and that he must listen to both sides.
         68. When some meet a man, they judge him by his clothes; but you must judge him by his heart.
         69. Believe me, every man has his secret sorrows, which the world knows not; and oftentimes we call a man cold when he is only sad.
         70. Rare is the person who can weigh the faults of others without putting his thumb on the scales.
         71. Two wrongs do not make a right.
         72. Faces really say something, they really portray what kind of person you are.
         73. I've seldom found that silence breathes consent, it more often breathes a smoldering, hidden resentment, which is fearful of being voiced and therefore says nothing.
         74. A word to the wise is sufficient, but with the foolish you have to be more specific.
         75. When you ask people to do something, be sure to also tell them why if you can. It's well worth the effort.
         76. Instead of letting your familiarity breed contempt, let it breed contentment!
         77. Every member is needed and everyone is important.
         78. Some situations you just sort of have to let ride and see how they work out. Because no matter what your suspicions are and no matter what your lack of confidence and faith in people is, sometimes you've got to let them go ahead and give them a chance to prove or disprove themselves.
         79. The way to get rid of a cancer is not to put a bandaid over it so you can't see it, but to go to work with a scalpel and cut it out and do something about it, don't just ignore it.
         80. Our job in dealing with people is a lot like psychiatry, we need to sometimes probe around into people's past and see what their past life was like, and we're apt to turn up a few rocks with a few bugs under them that are still troubling them.
         81. It pays to be specific with people! We've made a lot of mistakes by not being specific enough with people about things!
         82. Those who communicate the most are the most likely to get the most answers!
         83. We all need to listen to each other, work together, counsel together, agree together, decide together and work it out together.
         84. Lots of times we don't even tell people the truth of what we really think because we're afraid to hurt them and we want to save their feelings, whereas it would be better for them if we were just lovingly honest with them.
         85. We all need the encouragement of others. If your brother or sister stumbles, you need to lift them up.
         86. Laws should be like clothes. They should be made to fit the people they are meant to serve.
         87. If your just let people run around without any supervision, without any reports, without any check-up of what they're accomplishing, they're apt not to accomplish anything!
         88. When you have to give people bad news, try to make it sound like good news!--That's salesmanship.
         89. Be positive! Start off with the good news.
         90. Whenever you've got a sincere question, don't hesitate to ask!
         91. Show a real calm attitude, no fear, but relaxation, and soothe everybody's nerves and fluttered feelings with your calm voice and your steady prayer and your reassurances, and it'll sort of soothe their ruffled feathers.
         92. When people are happy, hard working, cooperative and productive in a certain position, it's sometimes risky to change them.
         93. Ask people, "What would you like to do, where do your think you ought to be? What is your vision and what do you have the faith for?" I think we've lost some good material because we didn't consult with some people about what they really wanted to do: We just told them to do something they didn't like; so they quit.
         94. If you have a big enough sledgehammer, you can pound a square peg into a round hole, but you may lose part of the peg or ruin it entirely.
         95. The best thing to do, first of all, is find the man, give him the job and the money to do it, then send him out on his own to see what he'll do! Ask him if he'd like the job and if he thinks he can do it, then make sure he knows all facets of the job and exactly what he's got to do, then tell him, "OK, we'll try you! If you make it, fine, and if you don't, well we'll find somebody else."--Just like any other kind of job or business.
         96. You have got to be in personal contact, in touch with people, in order to manage them and keep them in line and headed the right direction.
         97. Once you've found that a person is faithful, loyal, diligent, willing-spirited, hard-working, capable and really loves the Lord, you can trust them with almost anything!
         98. Sometimes it is much better to let God show people things rather than you telling them flat out, blunt, bang, and it hits them in the face by surprise and they recoil and it almost knocks them flat! It's better to let them gradually find it out, let them see how God is leading and which way He's going, and then it's not so hard to take.
         99. To present your side of the story humbly and sweetly is not wrong, but to argue and aggressively push your point and get yourself and others upset does not bear good fruit.
         100. You can't always judge things by the letter of the law. The Lord knows the heart. One person can do one thing and it is right. Another can do the same thing and it is wrong because the motive is wrong.
         101. It's really important to ask people to clarify what they've said if you don't understand it.
         102. Being specific, ourselves with others and them with us, is so important in all areas, not just matters of the heart, but work, everything. In relations with others we can't get by with generalities either for their good or our good or the Work of the Kingdom.
         103. To say exactly what you think and what you mean is very important, because generalities may often be interpreted in several different ways.--Others can't read you mind.
         104. You cannot push anyone up a ladder unless he is willing to climb himself.
         105. If you try to understand people's individual battles and personalities it helps you have a lot more mercy and love for them. You can't always excuse or ignore the problems, yet because you understand you can give them a bit of extra help and encouragement, which often is just what they need to get a victory.

         (See also No. 22, 25, 31, 50A, 75, 123, 142, 161, 263, 297, 314B, 606, 629, 845, 962, 974, 997, 1431, 1436, 1442, 1549.)

         106. PRO.13:12 Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.
         107. PRO.17:9,17 He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends. A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
         108. PRO.18:19 A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.
         109. PRO.20:14 It is naught, it is naught, saith the buyer: but when he is gone his way, then he boasteth.
         110. PRO.22:24,25 Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go. Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.
         111. PRO.25:19 Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint.
         112. MAT.7:3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
         113. MAT.26:41b The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
         114. LUK.17:3 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
         115. ROM.12:20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
         116. ROM.13:10a Love worketh no ill to his neighbour.
         117. ROM.14:1 Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations.
         118. GAL.6:2 Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
         119. 1TH.5:15 See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men.
         120. JAM.5:16a Confess your faults one to another.
         121. 1PE.4:9 Use hospitality one to another without grudging.

         (See also MAT.18:15-17.)


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