QUOTES & ANECDOTES USED IN MARRIAGE BOOK!
The Total Woman:
The woman who desires to hold her man had better seek some better way of holding him than mere sexual desire & sexual craving & physical excitement. As a young man seeking a wife, my mother once told me not to put the physical features first in my quest, since these are fairly standard equipment with most women, & well furnished on most models. But rather, in a woman look for something more than mere flesh & a fair face!
Most of all seek that indefinable thing called personality, that sparkle, that thing we used to call "it" back in the '20s.--Seek not only the vivaciousness of the flesh, but the liveliness of the spirit, the fascination of the mind, the irresistibility of the heart & its genuine unselfish love, & the greatness & magnanimity of her soul, that spiritual part of her--her whole composite personality make up--which, in turn, can only be satisfied by the spiritual in you, & the absorbing interest of your mind, & the warmness of your heart, & the thrill of your soul! The things of this Earth can satisfy your body, but God has made you so that your soul or heart or spirit can only be satisfied by the things which are spiritual & the things of the Spirit.
The man or woman who seeks only fleshly gratification, or to merely gratify the flesh of the mate alone, will never find complete satisfaction & happiness or be able to make themselves completely happy. You must give, & it shall be given unto you. Love begets love! Maybe you need to look for someone to make them happy, & then happiness will find you!
She's an angel in truth, a demon in fiction,
A woman's the greatest of all contradiction;
She's afraid of a cockroach, scared to death of a mouse,
But she'll tackle a husband as big as a house.
She's faithful, mysterious, keen-sighted and blind;
She's crafty, she's simple, she's sweet & she's kind.
She can lift a man up, or cast a man down.
She can make him a prince or make him a clown.
You'll fancy she's this, but you'll find she is that;
For she's kind as a kitten but wise as a cat!
The so-called weaker sex is the stronger sex, because of the weakness of the stronger sex for the weaker sex!
A lady came to the judge because she wanted to divorce her husband. There were many little things in their relationship which she thought good enough reasons to break up their marriage, so when the judge asked, "Well, what is wrong?", the lady answered, "Oh, he doesn't hang up his clothes & he sometimes sits at the table without having washed his hands...", & on & on & on & on. But when the judge asked her, "Well, is he a good father to the children & does he provide well?" She only could answer those important questions positively, so the judge suggested that she go home & in the following 30 days to really think of the good things & see the good things in her husband. And then afterwards if she still thought she wanted to be divorced, she should come back again. But the judge never saw her again!--What a wise judge! It's so often the little things which break up relationships, so let's think of those things which are of good report!
A man considers being nagged at worse than being nibbled to death by a duck.
Fill your life with love & you'll have no room for selfishness.
Surrender isn't giving up what you don't want. It's giving up what you do want.
Psychologists say that twelve minutes in your day could make or break your marriage. The first four minutes are among the most important of the day. And the other two crisis points are the first four minutes when you're home & the last four minutes before you go to bed. "Inconsiderate behaviour in the morning means you won't feel close to each other in the evening & resentments can interfere with your sex life", says one of Britain's top marriage therapists.
One of the great arts of living is the art of forgetting.
When the small daughter of the distinguished sculptress, Sally James Farnum, was asked which child was her mother's favourite, the little girl, according to Francis Newton in "This Week", promptly replied: "She loves Jimmy best because he's the oldest; & she loves Johnny best because he's the youngest; & she loves me best because I'm the only girl!" It would be difficult to find anything which could more lucidly explain God's all-enveloping love for His children. No matter to what heights you have risen or to what depths you have fallen, God loves you best because of some characteristic personal quality which, while it may not be apparent to your fellow men, is known & cherished by your Heavenly Father.
Many years ago a boy of ten was working in a factory in Naples. He longed to be a singer, but his teacher discouraged him. "You can't sing," he said. "You haven't any voice at all. It sounds like the wind in the shutters."
But his mother, a poor peasant woman, put her arms about him and praised him and told him she knew he could sing, she could already see an improvement, and she went barefoot in order to save money to pay for his music lessons. That peasant mother's praise and encouragement changed that boy's life. His name was Enrico Caruso, and he became the greatest and most famous opera singer of his age.
They pass so soon, the days of youth;
The children change so fast:
Quickly they harden in the mould,
And the plastic years are past.
Then shape their lives while they are young;
This be our prayer, our aim--
That every child we meet shall bear
The imprint of His name!
400 Creative Ways to Say I Love You:
Love between a man & wife cannot remain a youthful rage, but grows, matures, endears with age, and always there's that bond of love, there's just no explanation of!
The Best Dad is a Good Lover:
Don't forget to say, "I love you!" Keep speaking words of love. Words can sometimes do more for a woman than anything else!--Especially if you are speaking with love, tenderness, meaning & sincerity.
Love is...believing, trusting, helping, encouraging confiding, sharing, understanding, feeling, touching, caring, praying, giving.
Don't forget to thank her; or don't forget to thank him.--Gratitude is a great thing in married life! Show appreciation!
A woman needs her love expressed in loving care, even more than loving sex.
If you want to leave your mate simply because there is something about them you don't like, you're going to want to leave every mate you ever get, because there's bound to be something you don't like about each one.
Compliment her! Tell her she's beautiful & she'll be beautiful! Tell her she's wonderful & she'll be wonderful!
Love is a game that two can play & both win.--Eva Gabor
Love has no age. It is always being born.--Pascal
Love is like fire, if it's not communicated, it goes out.--Papini
Where love reigns, there is no need for laws.--Plato
It takes an adequate experience of love to prepare us for an adequate expression of love.
How to Make Love to the Same Person...
Good lovemaking begins with true love!
Marriage is more than finding the right person. It is also a matter of being the right person!
Sex isn't necessarily a sign of love, but affection is always a sign of love.--That's real love, genuine love & it can even be sacrificial love.
Marriage is a sexual relationship, or you could have simply stayed good friends!
Sex & nudity are humbling & purifying, good for your pride to help set you free!
God originally made people to be naturally affectionate one toward another, & if they're not, there's something wrong!
Sexual fears can be physical torture!
To have real lasting enduring genuine love, it must be based upon a more enduring foundation than mere fleshly gratification.
Find out what she likes, & give it to her! Find out what he likes, & sock it to him!
Being sexy really is good because it's being emotional. It's being honest. God made us to be sexy, He made us to be emotional.
Don't be ashamed to tell him, ladies! Call the shots! Give the signals! Higher? Lower? Faster? Slower? In & out or round about?
You may not be able to get it up, but you can always get it together! After all, that's the best part, the sweetness, the closeness, the fellowship & the love!
Some say it's 90% psychological: You've gotta talk'm into it, woo them into it, inspire them into it, thrill them into it, excite them with words, music, flowers, perfume & petting!
Marriage Difficulties:
Dear God, another day is done
And I have seen the golden sun
Swing in the arch from east to west
And sink behind the pines to rest.
I thank Thee that Thou gavest me
The power of sight that I may see
The tinted glories of Thy skies,
An earthly glimpse of Paradise;
The power to hear the evening breeze
Swelling in organ harmonies;
The power to feel the tender grasp
Of loving hands in friendship's clasp;
I thank Thee for these gifts to me;
But one thing more I ask of Thee:
From out Thy bounteous, gracious hand
Give me the power to understand,
To understand--to sympathize--
To note the pain in others' eyes;
To have the power rightly to read
The kindly motive of each deed.
And this I humbly ask of Thee
Because I know Thou lovest me. Amen.
If you try to understand people's individual battles & personalities it helps you have a lot more mercy & love for them. You can't always excuse or ignore the problems, yet because you understand you can give them a bit of extra help & encouragement, which often is just what they need to get a victory.
Happiness is what you make it, & you don't make yourself happy by trying to make yourself happy, or trying to find somebody else to make you happy, you don't find happiness by chasing it! You go around chasing others & trying to make them happy, then happiness will find you! It will chase you & catch up with you & make you happy! That's a law of God!
Bear ye one another's burdens, & so fulfil the law of Christ.--Gal.6:2
It's a tremendous blessing & a great encouragement to others, & inspires their faith to feel that you love them & really care, that you're concerned about them & their feelings & their happiness!
Marital Myths:
A Whole Year
We made it through
A whole year.
And we did so much more
Than just make it through.
We loved it through.
We shared it through.
We laughed it through.
We dreamed it through.
It was a whole year
Of caring about each other.
Some days we were angry
At each other.
Some days we even plotted
To get even
With each other.
Some days we refused to talk
To each other.
And some nights
We wiggled around in bed
To make sure we didn't
Even touch
Each other.
But those were the exceptions,
Not the rule.
Most of the time
The sound of your voice,
The sight of your face,
The touch of your hand
Made me feel like
A new person
All over.
Thanks for giving me
A whole year
Of love & joy.
How Do I Love Thee?
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth & breadth & height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
From the ends of being & ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun & candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, & with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints--I love thee
with the breath,
Smiles, tears of all my life! And if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
--Elizabeth Barett Browning
For Better or for Best:
You Still Do It
You would think it would
Wear off.
How many times have we seen
Each other?
Under all conditions
We have seen each other--
Rain-soaked & dirty.
We have seen each other
With tear-tracked faces
And with sleep
Pasting our eyes half-shut.
We have seen each other
With colds,
When our eyes drooped
And discoloured like
Old lunch meat.
We have seen each other
With ecstasy in our eyes,
With colour in our cheeks,
With pleasure in our smiles.
You would think it would
Wear off.
But it still happens.
We sit in a room
Filled with people,
Everyone talking, joking,
Or whatever it is they do.
Suddenly I have started
To stare.
I have found your face
And become hypnotised by it.
I watch you grin,
I catch the twinkle,
I see your forehead move
As you listen to the others.
It still moves me
Just to look at you.
We aren't teenagers.
This isn't our first night together.
You would think it would
Wear off.
But it still happens.
"Thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes."--SOS 4:9
There is starlight through the shadows
For the feet that have to tread
In the path of secret sorrow,
With the hidden tears unshed.
There's the glory of the sunset
Flaming red down in the West
When the storm is hushed to stillness
And the waters sink to rest.
There's a lamp that God has lighted
Where the shadowed pathways are,
And it sheds a softened radiance
Like the shining of a star;
There's a haven of sweet refuge
From the deeply hidden pain,
Where the heart that long has suffered
Sees God's rainbow through the rain.
There's an angel in the shadows--
Oftentimes in human guise,
Who, in silent understanding,
Sees the tears that blind our eyes;
For the words may be unspoken,
Quiet waters running deep--
When the sympathy of friendship
Is outpoured on those who weep.
There's a twilight in the evening
When the throb of pain is stilled,
And the heart, through human friendship,
With the peace of God is filled;
And the twilight touches softly
All the valley we have trod,
When a friend's true love sustains us,
Like an angel sent from God.
Understanding the Male Temperament:
At her Golden Wedding celebration, my grandmother told guests the secret of her happy marriage: "On my wedding day, I decided to make a list of ten of my husband's faults which, for the sake of our marriage, I would overlook."
As the guests were leaving, a young matron whose marriage had recently been in difficulty asked my grandmother what some of the faults were that she had seen fit to overlook. Grandmother said, "To tell you the truth, my dear, I never did get around to listing them. But whenever my husband did something that made me hopping mad, I would say to myself, "Lucky for him that's one of the ten!"
When I have lost my temper
I have lost my reason too.
I'm never proud of anything
Which angrily I do.
When I have talked in anger
And my cheeks were flaming red
I have always uttered something
Which I wish I had not said,
In anger I have never
Done a kindly deed or wise,
But many things for which I felt
I should apologize.
In looking back across my life,
And all I've lost or made,
I can't recall a single time
When fury ever paid.
So I struggle to be patient,
For I've reached a wiser age;
I do not want to do a thing
Or speak a word in rage.
I have learned by sad experience
That when my temper flies
I never do a worthy deed,
A decent deed or wise.
It's not the things that can be bought
That are life's richest treasure
It's just the little gifts of heart
That money cannot measure.
Fascinating Womanhood:
Marriage is the most satisfying,most strengthening and most lasting human relationship on earth.
Where there is love the heart is light,
Where there is love the day is bright,
Where there is love there is a song
To help when things are going wrong,
Where there is love there is a smile
To make all things seem more worthwhile,
Where there is love there's quiet peace,
A tranquil place where turmoils cease--
Love changes darkness into light
And makes the heart take "wingless flight"
Oh, blest are they who walk in love,
They also walk with God above--
For God is love & through love alone
Man finds the joy that the saints have known.
People have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be, not what you nag them to be.
No matter how orderly a woman is by nature, it is a mistake for her to always be putting her husband in his place.
Any man desires his wife to have faith in him. It must be part of a desire of the Lord wanting us to have faith in Him, since without faith it is impossible to please Him.
Married people will appreciate the story of how Mrs. Albert Einstein replied to someone who asked her if she understood her husband's theory of relativity.
"No", she said, "I do not understand it. But what is more important to me, I understand Dr. Einstein."
No man can stand being constantly belittled & humiliated, brow-beaten & henpecked.
A good woman inspires a man. A brilliant woman interests a man. A beautiful woman fascinates a man. But it's the sympathetic woman who gets him.
Sympathy is two hearts tugging at the same load.
Behind every great man there's a great woman! A woman can make or break a man.
The husband is really the boss when it comes to the natural family, & God's Word clearly says that women should obey their husbands.
I believe the happier wives are the ones who yield & have faith & obey. If she can't trust her husband, at least she can trust the Lord & not continually nag. Why not just trust away instead of nag away & believe the Lord will work it out somehow?
God give me sympathy & sense
And help me keep my courage high.
God give me calm & confidence,
And please, a twinkle in my eye.
'Tis easy enough to be pleasant
When life flows by like a song.
But the one worthwhile is the one who can smile
When everything goes dead wrong.
For the test of the heart is trouble
And it always comes with the years.
And the smile that is worth the praises of Earth
Is the smile that shines through tears.
The principles of good health: Eat right, exercise right, sleep right & live right.
"Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God."
--Jam.1:19-20
Communication: Key to Your Marriage:
Faith ends where worry begins & worry ends where faith begins.
The world is wide
In time and tide,
And--God is guide;
So do not hurry.
That man is blest
Who does his best
And leaves the rest;
And does not worry.
--Charles F. Deems
I think most men probably have a lot more pride than women, therefore they're more sensitive, & the criticism or cutting remarks hurt more. They may not show it or say it or even acknowledge it, but the wound is there & they may never get over it.--The hurt of some cutting remark, some doubt or fear or distrust or disrespect. How many marriages have those things wrecked!
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, & you help them to become what they are capable of being.
All through life, my brother, if you'd be a happy soul, keep your eye upon the doughnut & not upon the hole.
No man ever injured his eyesight by looking on the bright side of things.
Communication is nothing without listening.
Open Up!
"When I was in my first year of college, I started going out with a real sweet boy. We went many places and had a lot of good times together. He was very sweet and loved the Lord, but he was the silent type--very into himself, shy and untalkative. I liked him very much and I think he liked me a lot too! I have to say I think he was quite fond of me; I wasn't really sure because we never really communicated very much. We hardly ever spoke together about anything other than the time of day or what we were doing or where we were going or about college. We never had any really deep conversations or talked about matters of the heart at all!
"I didn't realise that this was a problem until finally I began developing rather serious feelings about him! He had gotten to the final year of his studies without getting married or too involved with anybody, and I think he was really shy and scared of getting too serious. So he started to cool things off, and this broke my little heart! I then started thinking and praying about what went wrong, and it finally dawned on me that I didn't really know what he thought about our relationship, and he didn't know what I thought! That's when I realised that during the entire time we had been together, we hadn't had any kind of deep heart-to- heart communication at all!
"After we had broken up, I was still wondering why, and I thought, 'Why didn't I ask him? Why didn't we just honestly talk about the things we felt and thought?' If we had, it would have been so simple and prevented the whole problem of me not understanding and not knowing his feelings and him not knowing mine! It was just ridiculous to be that close to someone and still know hardly a thing about what they felt and what they thought!
"So, I learned a good lesson! I learned to ask!--And I learned the importance of honest, open, humble communication. I learned the importance of asking when I don't understand things, and trying to get the other person to be honest and express what he feels and thinks, and that I need to be honest about my feelings too!"--So writes the author of "The Importance of Good Communications!"
Letters to Keren:
Sacrifice has often been the primary requisite for love. A selfish, possessive love doesn't work. She'll explode & hate you & feel like killing you to get her freedom! But if you'll earn her respect by showing you are putting God first, she'll love you in the Spirit, & this in turn leads to love in the flesh.
Real love prefers the happiness of the other above your own. If you really love her, you'll free her!
The danger is when you get your mind dwelling on the bad traits. The Lord says, "Choose the good & eschew the evil".--1Pe.3:11. He says, "Whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on these things!"--Phil.4:8 --That applies to your mate & her good qualities, the good things, & try not to think about the bad things.
Without good communication with the Lord, there cannot be much good communication between you.
There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer, no disease that enough love will not heal. No door that enough love will not open, no gulf that enough love will not bridge. No wall that enough love will not throw down, no sin that enough love will not redeem. It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopeless the outlook, how muddled the tangle, how great the mistake. Sufficient love will dissolve it all.
Your husband is the biggest baby you'll ever have!--Only he never grows up!
Romance Rekindled:
This beautiful love letter from William Penn, the Quaker founder of Pennsylvania, was written as he left England for America, leaving his wife & children behind him.
Worminghurst
4th of the 6th month, 1682
My dear wife & children,
My love, which neither sea, nor land, nor death can extinguish towards you, most endearedly visits you with eternal embraces, & will abide with you for ever. My dear wife, remember thou wast the love of my youth & the joy of my life, the most beloved, as well as most worthy of all my earthy comforts. God knows & thou knowest it, it was a match of Providence's own making. Now I am to leave thee, & that without knowing whether I shall ever see thee more in this life.
Take my counsel to thy bosom:
Firstly. Let the fear of God dwell in you richly.
Secondly. Be diligent in meetings & worship & business, & let meetings be kept once a day in the family, &, my dearest, divide thy time & be regular. In the morning, view the business of the house. Grieve not thyself with careless servants, they will disorder thee, rather pay them & let them go. It is best to avoid many words, which I know wound the soul.
Thirdly. Cast up thy income & see what it daily amounts to, & I beseech thee live low & sparingly until my debts are paid. I write not as doubtful of thee, but to quicken thee.
Fourthly. My dearest, let me recommend to thy care the dear children abundantly beloved of me. Breed them up in the love of virtue. I had rather they were homely than finely bred. Religion in the heart leads into true civility, teaching men & women to be mild & courteous.
Fifthly. Breed them up in a love one of another. Tell them it is the charge I left behind me. Tell them it was my counsel, they should be tender & affectionate to one another. For their learning be liberal, spare no cost. Rather keep an ingenuous (noble or honourable) person in the house to teach them, than send them to schools, too any evil impressions being commonly received there. And now, dear children, be obedient to your dear mother, whose virtue & good name is an honour to you, for she hath been exceeded by none in integrity, industry, & virtue, & good understanding, qualities not usual among women of her worldly condition & quality. Be temperate in all things, watch against anger, & avoid flatteries, who are thieves in disguise. Be plain in your apparel, let your virtue be your ornament. Be not busybodies, meddle not with other folks' manners, & for you who are likely to be concerned in the Government of Pennsylvania, especially my first born, be lowly, diligent & tender. Keep upon the square, for God sees you. Use no tricks, but let your heart be upright before the Lord. So may my God, Who hath blessed me with abundant mercies, guide you by His counsel, bless you & bring you to His eternal glory. So farewell to my thrice beloved wife & children.
Yours as God pleaseth, which no waters can quench, no time forget, nor distance wear away, but remains for ever,
William Penn
Creative Ways to Say "I Love You"
Write it on a steamy mirror--timing is important!
Fill his office, room, or car with balloons saying, "I love you."
Spell it on her desk with jelly beans or green M&Ms.
Paint it on a banner & hang it on the garage door.
Leave "I love you" notes, to be discovered days later (for example, on the lawn mower, sewing machine or casserole in the freezer).
Hang an "I love you" note in front of a doorway.
Bury an "I love you" treasure & provide her with a map.
Spell it with rocks in the bottom of a pool.
Write it on his calendar on various days.
How to Speak Your Spouse's Language:
The eye has an almost extra-sensory power of perception & can convey & receive messages silently & motionlessly like no other human organ.
If I knew you and you knew me--
If both of us could clearly see,
And with an inner sight divine
The meaning of your heart and mine,
I'm sure that we would differ less
And clasp our hands in friendliness;
Our thoughts would pleasantly agree
If I knew you and you knew me.
If I knew you and you knew me,
As each one knows his own self, we
Could look each other in the face
And see therein a truer grace.
Life has so many hidden woes,
So many thorns for every rose;
The "why" of things our hearts
would see,
If I knew you, and you knew me.
--Nixon Waterman
Maximum Marriage:
In the relation of a man & woman who love each other with passion & imagination & tenderness, there is something of inestimable value, to be ignorant of which is a great misfortune to any human being.
--Bertrand Russell
A Friend in Need:
I think that God will never send,
A gift so precious as a friend,
A friend who always understands,
And fills each need as it demands,
Whose loyalty will stand the test,
When skies are bright or overcast,
Who sees the faults that merit blame,
But keeps on loving just the same,
Who does far more than creeds could do,
To make us good, to make us true,
Earth's gifts a sweet contentment lend,
But only God can give a friend!
--Rosalie Carter
You can win more friends with your ears than your mouth.
Pressed out of measure and pressed to all length.
Pressed so intensely it seems beyond strength;
Pressed in the body and pressed in the soul, Pressed in the mind till the dark surges roll;
Pressure by foes, and pressure by friends,
Pressure on pressure, till life nearly ends, Pressed into loving the staff and the rod,
Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into liberty where nothing clings,
Pressed into faith for impossible things;
Pressed into living a life in the Lord,
Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured!
Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation.
When special people touch our lives.
Then suddenly we see
How beautiful & wonderful
Our World can really be.
They show us that our special hopes
And dreams can take us far,
By helping us look upward
And believe in who we are.
They bless us with their love & joy
Through everything they give--
When special people touch our lives,
They teach us how to live.
--Amanda Bradley
Mainly for Wives:
If sex is a sin, then God's a sinner, because He made it!
There are some people who just aren't normally sexual or sexy, so they ought to accept themselves the way they are--quit trying, just act natural, be themselves & quit trying to be somebody they aren't. If you don't feel sexy, don't have sex!
98% of life is not sex! So why not enjoy the other 98% instead of letting 2% ruin all your enjoyment of life & all your pleasure? There are lots of other pleasures in the World besides sex!
Some are eunuchs made so by man, Jesus Himself said, & others are eunuchs just naturally. In other words, they're not naturally very sexy or sexual. Jesus said others are eunuchs for the Lord's sake because they are devoted to His Work & His Kingdom & working for the Lord & others, therefore they simply forsake sex & don't worry about it. They simply fill up their time & strength with things far more profitable than sex. Sex is not the greatest thing in life!
Serving the Lord is the greatest thing in life! Serving others is the greatest thing in life! Jesus said to love Him with all your heart & mind & strength & to love your neighbour as yourself, that those are the greatest things in life!--Mat.22:37-39, 19:19.
The greatest love in the World is the love in which you lay down your own life for someone else. You sacrifice your own life & your own self for the sake of someone else. That's real love, God's kind of love, sacrificial love, spiritual love!
How to Make Love to a Man:
The unity of the flesh is symbolic of the unity of the spirit.
Nudity & sex are great humblers. You just can't be very proud & be naked & engage in sex.
If God gave you all those nice pleasurable sensations, He must have intended for you to enjoy them.
Looking into the eyes is almost the next thing to having intercourse, because you're instantly having spiritual intercourse & it really has an effect!
Love-making is a physical manifestation of the spiritual love that you have for your mate! Your patience at it, your tenderness, your gentleness, your desire to please will show how much real love you really have!
Love-making is an art--sometimes highly technical, sometimes just plain hard work, & you've gotta really work at it--both of you!
Real love prefers the happiness of another above your own.
If you want a happy, healthful, contented & satisfying marriage, remember that happiness is not found by pursuing it for yourself. Happiness finds those who give it to others!
Real love is preferring the happiness of your mate to your own! "In honour preferring one another."--Romans 12:10. This brings true happiness to all, including God!--Believe it or not, He wants you to be happy! That's one reason He created sex & marriage, for your pleasure, enjoyment, satisfaction, companionship, fellowship, team work, sharing & children. And that's the most unselfish part about sex: Children! Yet they are & can be the most rewarding & enjoyable of all!--The real climax to all sexual fulfillment, if you love them & train them in the way they should go.
The Love Test:
Looking Back
After we have been married
A while,
We might start to wonder
"What if..."
What if we had married
Someone else?
What if we had waited
And gone to graduate school?
What if we had stayed
Single
And had become a jungle pilot
Or opened a chicken ranch?
Most of us look back
And wonder if...
Maybe all of us do.
There is nothing wrong
With the question.
"What if..." is wholesome
And fairly natural.
The only problem is
It is aimed in the
Wrong direction.
Turn it around.
What if you make this
One hug-a-monious
Marriage?
What if this becomes
The greatest love in human
History?
What if you dedicate
Yourself to total love
For each other
In Jesus Christ?
Now you have a "What if..."
Worth "What-if-ing" about.
We put our "What ifs"
Into today &
We don't need to look back.
Couples:
Marriage is supposed to be for life, except for the most unusual circumstances, truly desperate &/or Scriptural exceptions! Everything humanly possible should be done to stick together, both for your sake as well as for the sake of the children & the Work of God! So don't throw in the towel too soon!
No man, be he prince or pauper, can stand to be humiliated in public, not even by the woman he loves, because it shows she doesn't love him.
Those who say they will forgive but can't forget, simply bury the hatchet but leave the handle out for immediate use.
A husband & wife can have a good relationship as long as she has faith in him & honours & respects him. But when she starts continually trying to tell him what to do & thinks she knows better, it can absolutely wreck the relationship.
To achieve all that is possible, we must attempt the impossible. To be as much as we can be, we must dream of being more.
You may others from sadness to gladness beguile, if you carry your cross with a smile.
Appreciation: What Every Woman Still Needs:
It isn't enough to say in our hearts
That we like a man for his ways,
It isn't enough that we fill our minds
With paeans of silent praise;
Nor is it enough that we honour a man,
As our confidence upward mounts,
It's going right up to the man himself,
And telling him so, that counts!
If a man does a work you really admire,
Don't leave a kind word unsaid
In fear that to do so might make him vain
And cause him to "lose his head."
But reach out your hand and tell him,
"Well done," and see how his gratitude swells;
It isn't the flowers we strew on the grave
It's the word to the living that tells.
What do we live for, if not to make the World less difficult for each other.
According to this silly story, a farm woman, at the end of a heavy day's work, set before her menfolk a heaping pile of hay. And when they indignantly demanded whether she had gone crazy, she replied: "Why, how did I know you'd notice? I've been cooking for you men for the last twenty years and in all that time I ain't heard no word to let me know you wasn't just eating hay."
When a study was made a few years ago on runaway wives, what do you think was discovered to be the main reason wives ran away? It was "lack of appreciation." And I'd bet that a similar study made of runaway husbands would come out the same way. We often take our spouses so much for granted that we never let them know we appreciate them.
Some of a man's most profitable words are those spent praising his wife.
No person is so poor that he cannot give a compliment.
Each time we meet, from you I hear
Some word of praise, a bit of cheer,
You see some hidden, struggling trait,
Encourage it and make it great.
Tight-fisted little buds of good
Bloom large because you said they would.
A glad, mad music in me sings;
My soul sprouts tiny flaming wings.
My day takes on a brand-new zest.
Your gift of praising brings out my best,
Revives my spirit, flings it high;
For God loves praise, and so do I.
It isn't the thing you do, dear,
It's the thing you leave undone
That gives you a bit of a heartache
At the setting of the sun.
The tender word forgotten,
The letter you did not write,
The flowers you did not send, dear,
Are your haunting ghosts at night.
The stone you might have lifted
Out of a brother's way;
The bit of heartsome counsel
You were hurried too much to say;
The loving touch of the hand, dear,
The gentle, winning tone
Which you had not time nor thought for
With troubles enough of your own.
Those little acts of kindness
So easily out of mind,
Those chances to be angels
Which we poor mortals find--
They come in night and silence,
Each sad, reproachful wraith,
When hope is faint and flagging,
And a chill has fallen on faith.
For life is all too short, dear,
And sorrow is all too great,
To suffer our slow compassion
That tarries until too late;
And it isn't the thing you do, dear,
It's the thing you leave undone
Which gives you a bit of heartache
At the setting of the sun.
--Margaret E. Sangster
Marriage Takes More than Love:
When two individuals meet, so do two private worlds. None of our private worlds is big enough for us to live a wholesome life in. We need the wider world of joy & wonder, of purpose & venture, of toil & tears. What are we, any of us, but strangers & sojourners forlornly wandering through the nighttime until we draw together & find the meaning of our lives in one another, dissolving our fears in each other's courage, making music together & lighting torches to guide us through the dark? We belong together. Love is what we need. To love & to be loved. Let our hearts be open; & what we would receive from others, let us give. For what is given still remains to bless the giver--when the gift is love.
A. Powell Davies
It was a wise man who said that it is important not only to pick the right mate but to be the right mate. And contrary to many popular love stories, it is not during the first year of bliss that most dangers crop up. Marriages do not, like dropped chinaware, smash as a result of that first quarrel which the newly married hope is unthinkable. Marriage is a rooted thing, a growing & flowering thing that must be tended faithfully.
Lacking that mutual effort, we are apt to find some day that our marriage, so hopefully planted, has been withering imperceptibly. Gradually we realise that for some time the petals have lost their luster, that the perfume is gone. Daily watering with the little gracious affectionate acts we all welcome, with mutual concern for the other's contentment, with self-watchfulness here & self-forgetfulness there, brings forth ever new blossoms.
From "The Basic Axiom of Marital Felicity"--Donald Culross Peattie
How to Enjoy a Family Fight:
Love does not keep a ledger of the sins & failures of others.
To disagree is one thing; to be disagreeable is another.
Long the road
Till Love came down it!
Dark the life
Till Love did crown it!
Dark the life,
And long the road,
Till Love came
To share the load!
For the touch
Of Love transfigures
All the road
And all its rigours.
Life and death,
Love's touch transfigures.
Life and death
And all that lies
In between,
Love sanctifies.
Once the heavenly spark is lighted,
Once in love two hearts united,
Nevermore
Shall aught that was
Be as before.
--John Oxenham
Caring Enough to Hear:
I know
you think you understand
what you thought I said,
but I'm not sure
you are aware
that what you heard
is not what I meant.
Communication is nothing without listening.
What Every Family Needs:
It's a Wonderful Life
We could concentrate
On the hard times,
But you won't let me.
We could spend all
Our time
Talking about bills,
Broken-down cars,
And the store clerk
Who insulted you.
Some people seem to thrive
On setbacks, disappointments
And receding hairlines.
You rise above to speak
Of happiness, expectations
And dreams.
It's a difficult life.
Arches start to fall,
Eyes dim,
And waistlines disappear
Forever.
You talk about hard times,
But you refuse to dwell there.
Move up.
Move out.
Move on.
Life was meant to live
On the mountaintop,
Never to be endured
In the dumps.
God created man & woman
To enjoy the full taste of life,
Not to drag from problem to problem.
We could concentrate
On the hard times,
But you won't let me.
I've shut the door on yesterday,
Its sorrows & mistakes;
I've locked within its gloomy walls
Past failures & heartaches.
And now I throw the key away
To seek another room,
And furnish it with hope & smiles
And every springtime bloom.
I've shut the door on yesterday
And thrown the key away--
Tomorrow holds no fears for me,
Since I have found today.
--Vivien Yeiser Laramore
How to Be Your Husband;s Best Friend:
A friend gives--
A hand when you need it;
A smile when you're sad;
A lift when you're weary;
A song when you're glad;
A help when you falter;
A word when you're blue;
A hope for the dreams
That are special to you!
A sense of humour is the ability to see the funny side of a serious situation & to laugh at things when they're not the way they ought to be.
Giving is the thermometer of our love!
If you sit down at set of sun
And count the acts that you have done,
And counting find
One self-denying deed, one word
That eased the heart of him who heard;
One glance most kind,
That fell like sunshine where it went--
Then you may count that day well spent.
But if, through all the livelong day,
You've cheered no heart, by yea or nay--
If, through it all
You've nothing done that you can trace
That brought the sunshine to one face
No act most small
That helped some soul & nothing cost
Then count that day as worse than lost.
Advice to Women:
We Have Today
We don't live on dreams,
Waiting for a better tomorrow.
For time could get away
And we will run out of
Tomorrow.
God has given us now;
We have today.
We will love today.
We will work today.
We will serve today.
We will say the tender things
We want to say
And say them today.
We will not fear tomorrow,
For God holds it
And we will let it rest.
But we will love as if
Today were a rare beauty
That could be gone tomorrow
Because it could.
I will tell you I love you
Today.
I will touch your hair
And rub the nape of your neck
Today.
I will tell you how much
You mean to me
Today
While you can hear it
And feel how good it is.
I will hold you
Close to my chest
And rest your head
On my shoulder
And sway gently
Back & forth.
I will do it today.
I will not stand alone
Tomorrow
And wish I had done it
Yesterday.
We have today.
God has promised us
Each day can be special
With His Love.
God has given us now.
We have today.
We will love today.
We will work today.
We will serve today.
We will say the tender things
We want to say
And say them today.
Just Talk to Me:
Husbands Are Getting Better
Husbands are starting to
Let down their guard.
They aren't working so hard
At being stiff & cold.
Husbands aren't afraid to
Talk about their feelings,
To speak of love,
To speak of fear,
To speak from their hearts
And not just their heads.
Every once in a while
You see
Tears in a husband's eyes--
Tears of joy,
Tears of happiness,
Tears of sadness,
Tears of frustration.
Husbands are getting better.
They are opening up,
No longer afraid to feel.
They can admit when they
Are wrong.
They can spend time with
The family.
They can wash dishes &
Still know
They are men.
Husbands are learning the
Manly art
Of being kind.
Husbands are learning the
Manly trait
Of showing love.
Tenderness is in style
For men.
Consideration is popular
Among men.
Husbands are getting better.
The old rough, brash styles
Are out.
And Christian love is in.
"Husbands, love your wives, & be not bitter against them."--Col.3:19
A good-bye kiss is a little thing,
With your hand on the door to go;
But it takes the venom out of the sting
Of a thoughtless word or cruel fling
That you made an hour ago.
A kiss of greeting is sweet & rare,
After the toil of the day;
But it smooths the furrows out of the care
And lines on the forehead
You once called fair,
In the years that have flown away.
'Tis a little thing to say, "You are kind,
I love you, my dear," each night;
But it sends a thrill through the heart,
I find,
For love is tender, as love is blind,
As we climb life's rugged height.
We starve each other for love's caress;
We take, but do not give.
It seems so easy some soul to bless,
But we dole love grudgingly, less & less,
Till 'tis bitter & hard to live.
--Author Unknown
COMMITTED
Some days marriage is a little
More than you bargained for.
You didn't know it was
Going to be so hard.
You didn't know it was
Going to be boring.
You didn't know it was
Going to be lonely.
The good days are fun.
The sharing can even be exciting.
But some days marriage is
A pain,
And you wonder why
You stick with it.
When marriage gets dull
(All marriages get dull),
When marriage gets difficult
(All marriages get difficult),
You tie your rope around
A post called commitment
And you hold on.
If you hold on for
A few hours,
Or maybe a few days,
It usually turns around.
You work at love,
You practice patience,
You inject a new life.
And a sagging, limping,
Maybe a wounded marriage,
Becomes alive again.
Love by its nature
Cannot run evenly.
Humans are too frail.
Bodies become tired,
Minds go haywire,
Spirits get low.
And when they do,
You tie the knot
Of commitment
And you hold on.
You pray while the storm
Roars over you.
Drenched, weak, pelted
And bedraggled
You survive for a little while.
Tomorrow your love will be
Fresh & vibrant again.
But until it is
You are happy to just
Hold on.
Submission is for Husbands too:
Women not only want your love, but they want your heart, your home, your income, your children & your life, even more than your love-making, which is often the opposite from the men!
First, man must choose his love, & then he must love his choice.
How to Unlock...:
Couples in Love!
(What is your definition of being in love?) A couple who wants to live together & doesn't want to be parted & would feel very sad if they had to be parted is the couple that's in love!--And would be very unhappy if they couldn't be together. In fact, they'd be what you might call heartbroken. I think that's what I would call love, real love.
Joined together by the Lord, & who make a good team serving the Lord.--Who, Lord willing, have children & love their children & their children love them & they're a good example of love to their children.
--Those who take the responsibilities of marriage seriously, & consider that they should be loyal to each other, are loyal to each other, & don't have any idea of ever parting if they can help it.
Wouldn't this world be better,
If folks whom we meet would say
"I know something good about you,"
And treat you just that way?
Wouldn't it be splendid,
If each handshake, good and true
Carried with it this assurance:
"I know something good about you?"
Wouldn't life be happier,
If the good that's in us all,
Were the only thing about us
That people would recall?
Wouldn't our days be sweeter,
If we praised the good we see?
For there is a lot of goodness,
In the worst of you and me.
Wouldn't it be fine to practice,
This way of thinking too:
You know something good about me,
I know something good about you?
The measure of a truly great man is the courtesy with which he treats lesser men.
The best way to compliment your wife is frequently!
You'll never know what real sexual enjoyment is until you fall in love & really love someone, & then sex takes on new meaning, a whole new beautiful experience!
The head has not heard until the heart has listened.
The most important thing in a marriage is for both partners to have faith in God & Jesus Christ! When you have faith, everything is possible!
Jesus is the Love of all loves, the Lover of all lovers, Who alone can satisfy that deepest yearning of every human soul for total love & complete understanding.
The force of arms is powerless when matched against the force of Love.
Love loves the unlovely & casts a veil over countless sins!
Love is not blind--it has an extra spiritual eye which sees the good & possibilities which others cannot see.
Between the Sexes:
It takes years to marry completely two hearts, even of the most loving & well-assorted. A happy wedlock is a long falling in love. Young persons think love belongs only to the brown-haired & crimson-cheeked. So it does for its beginning. But the golden marriage is a part of love which the bridal day knows nothing of.
A perfect & complete marriage, where wedlock is everything you could ask & the ideal of marriage becomes actual, is not common, & is perhaps as rare as perfect personal beauty. Men & women are married fractionally, now a small fraction, then a large fraction. Very few are married totally, & they only after some forty or fifty years of gradual approach & experiment.
Such a large & sweet fruit is a complete marriage that needs a long Summer to ripen in, & then a long Winter to mellow & season it. But a real, happy marriage of love & judgment between a noble man & woman is one of the things so very handsome that if the sun were, as the Greek poets fabled, a god, he might stop the World & hold it still now & then in order to look all day long on some examples thereof, & feast his eyes on such a spectacle.
--Theodore Parker
The Marriage Art:
Sex can never be truly satisfying without love!
Enjoy yourself! You are part of God & His creation, & He created you to love & enjoy both Him & His creation forever--including yourself & others sexually.
Love-making is partly physiological: Your body chemistry gets in the mood, but it's largely psychological, because your mind & spirit must get in the mood too.
Sex isn't everything!--It's the real spiritual love & affection that really counts the most.
Never apologise for showing feeling. Remember that when you do so, you apologise for truth.--Disraeli
The Total Man:
Our Rules of War
1. We will recommit ourselves to making our marriage work. Divorce isn't even an option. We will see this incident through & build a better marriage because of it.
2. We will attack the problem, not the person. We will agree to disagree agreeably. Do the facts of this incident warrant the heated emotions we're showing? How about assuring each other, "Honey, I'm not sure I agree with you in this, but I want you to know that I love you. Let's work this out as a team."
3. We will always put people before things. No broken dish, dented fender, damaged clothing, or scratched record album is just cause for lashing out at the other person.
4. We will seek to give the benefit of the doubt to the other person. Unless the other person admits otherwise, he meant well. He was trying as hard as he could to do the right thing.
5. We will try to see the situation from the other's point of view. Why is she so upset that I'm late & the roast is burned? How would I feel if I were in her shoes? Often the only difference between marital & martial (war) is a misplaced "I."
6. We will try to establish a degree of rationality ahead of time. "We've got a problem here. Let's sit down & talk about it."
7. Never in public. Since we aren't auditioning for the soap operas, this disagreement is nobody's business but ours.
8. We will try to use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. We will make & discuss observations, not accusations:
We will avoid:
"YOU" (ACCUSATION)
"You're insensitive!"
"Will you shut up & listen?"
"You never pay attention to me!"
"...& then you started yelling..."
"You broke my favourite vase!"
We will use:
"I" (OBSERVATION)
"I feel misunderstood."
"I don't think we're communicating."
"I feel left out."
"It bothers me when we yell at each other."
"I'm upset that the vase is broken."
9. We will watch our tone of voice. Loudness & bitterness only indicate that we're losing control of ourselves.
10. When an assertion is made about me, I'll try to repeat it word for word before responding to it. Besides helping to calm us both, this will verify that a) I've heard you correctly, & b) you said what you meant (& meant what you said).
11. We will try not to be overly defensive, but open-minded to the possibility that we're wrong. "Well, I may be wrong in this area. Let me tell you why I acted the way I did."
12. We will avoid these statements: "You ALWAYS..." & "You NEVER..." If these accusations are really true, they should have been brought up when they first occurred.
13. We will not dredge up past sins of the other. They should have been discussed & forgiven long ago. God "forgets" when He forgives; we should too.
14. No stomping out of the room. This only prolongs the fight & puts the problem back into the slow cooker. Instead, let's stop for a breather by saying: "Honey, I need a few moments alone to calm down. I'm afraid I'll say something I don't really mean."
15. We will talk it out to its conclusion. Let's not leave it hanging, only to build up inside us. Together, we'll explore: "What have we learned from all this? How was I wrong? What can we do to prevent this from happening again?"
16. We will be sure to seek forgiveness & to forgive. This is the most important part of the fight, for it determines whether we are merely lowering the heat under the cooker, or turning the fire off completely.
It takes two to tangle, & if I was a participant in the shouting match, I was part of the problem. Maybe she was misunderstanding me. Perhaps she did start it. Regardless, I joined right in by hollering back at her. And even if I was just 1% wrong & she 99% (which is not usually the case), I still need to ask forgiveness for my 1%.
THE MAGIC OF MARRIAGE
Most of the time it works well.
When he is discouraged & blue.
She is riding high & happy.
When she hits the pits,
He usually is feeling up.
That's part of the magic of marriage.
When he sees her hit the skids,
He bucks up & becomes tougher.
After all, she needs him now
And he comes through.
He will need her later
And she will come through.
The machine doesn't always work well.
Sometimes both of them come apart
At the same time,
But not usually.
That's part of the magic of marriage.
God knows that.
That's why He created it.
When he is down,
Pull him up.
And when you are down,
He will pull you up.
Thank God for someone
To pull up.
A FULL CUP
It's important to get away
If only for a walk in the park
Or a stroll by the beach.
Leave the dishes behind
And let the dandelions
Consume the lawn.
Watch the goldfinch
As you wander down
A country road
And pick out the Baltimore Oriole
Resting among the trees.
Feel the cool breezes
Making waves through your hair.
Kick a stone.
Pick a wild rose
And place its lavender petal
In your hair.
Stop by the fallen tree
And sit for a while.
Let time stand still
And drink in the joy
The two of you share.
Rub each other's back.
Hold each other's hand.
Tell each other that
You care.
Take time
And let
Your cup run over.
"My cup runneth over."--Psa.23:5
Friends & Friendship:
Except Thou build it, Father,
The house is built in vain;
Except Thou, Saviour, bless it,
The joy will turn to pain;
But none can break the marriage
Of hearts in Thee made one,
And the Love Thy Spirit hallows
Is endless love begun.
Love is...
Slow to suspect--quick to trust,
Slow to condemn--quick to justify,
Slow to offend--quick to defend,
Slow to expose--quick to shield,
Slow to reprimand--quick to forbear,
Slow to belittle--quick to appreciate,
Slow to demand--quick to give,
Slow to provoke--quick to help,
Slow to resent--quick to forgive.
Marriage should be as equal as possible, as sharing as possible. You should talk together, pray together, love together, discuss together & then decide & agree together.
"A friend suffereth long, & is kind; a friend envieth not; a friend vaunteth not himself, is not puffed up. Does not behave himself unseemly, seeketh not his own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil. Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth. Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." (Adapted from 1Cor. 13:4-7)
The Spirit can turn it on, no matter what it is or who it is, & give it glory & glamour & beauty & joy & life & heat & everything!--You name it! It's the Spirit that makes the difference!
If Only He Knew:
How a military officer loved his wife out of a mental hospital.
The psychiatrist had prescribed that his wife be admitted to the local mental hospital. He was stunned & challenged, but had no idea how to help her. He sought counsel from the chaplain & learned he should allow his wife to sit in his lap & share her true feelings with him.
He followed this advice with great difficulty because it hurt to hear the things she said he was doing to weaken their marriage. As she was talking, the telephone rang, & he felt "saved by the bell." She was angry because she thought he would probably not return. But she overheard one statement he made that not only kept her from a breakdown but prompted her to slip into a nightgown & actually desire to arouse him (something she had not done in years). After the call, she calmly snuggled back into his lap.
What had he said to his commanding officer?
He simply said, "Sir, could someone else take that assignment tonight? I'm in the middle of a very important time with my wife. It's serious, & I really don't want to leave at this point." That military officer had begun to prove to his wife that she was of high value to him. As a result, her mental condition stabilised, & she never had to go to the hospital.
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, & gave Himself for it."--Eph.5:25.
Understanding Your Man:
Most people who are quiet & withdrawn know they need to be freer & they usually want to communicate with other people, they don't really want to stay behind their walls, but they need somebody to be understanding & to pull it out of them. If you're interested in people & you love them, then you need to learn how to get them to come out of themselves & try to respond & communicate.
The husband or wife who sows seeds of kindness enjoys a perpetual harvest.
Get your problems out in the open & confess your needs & be humble enough to be honest enough to tell your mate what you need & what you want! That's true not only in sex, but all through life in your relations with others, with your mate & other areas of your mated life, your companionship or fellowship or whatever it is. Don't keep it to yourself, don't let a little root of bitterness eat on you as a cancer, as the Apostle says.--2Tim.2:17, Heb.12:15. If you keep that in your heart & you keep that to yourself, if you're too proud to admit it, you're too proud to confess it, you're not humble enough to ask for the solution, it will become a little root of bitterness that will grow & eat just like a cancer.
How to Keep a Man in Love with You Forever:
Most smiles are started by another smile.
A smile is the lighting system of the face & the heating system of the heart.
Treat a dog with kindness, pet him often, feed him well, & he'll never leave you. The same system usually works with husbands.
Guardian Angels
It's easy to believe
That we have help.
We have enjoyed
So much happiness;
Surely we did not
Create it all.
Suppose God has sent
Angels on special assignment
To watch over couples in love.
Maybe they stand around
In the corners of our house.
Maybe they prefer
The corners of our hearts.
Angels know that love
Meets many dangers,
Stumbles over pitfalls
And has a thousand enemies.
So Angels stand guard
To fight off the intruders
And push back
The obstacles.
Angels stand guard
While couples love,
And couples live,
And couples long
For each other.
Angels stand guard
While we are far away
From each other.
Some choose to ignore
The Angels
And mess up
Their lives.
But Angels try
To protect,
To preserve
Two hearts
In love.
Guardian Angels--
A gift that God
Sent along
For couples
Deeply in love.
"For He shall give His Angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways."--Psa.91:11
Total Loving:
True love is the candle
That burns in the night,
Outshining the stars' glow,
Because it's so bright.
True love is the flower
That carries Spring's song
Through the cold, dreary Winter,
When days seem so long.
True love is the echo
Of Summer's refrain;
It's the smile of the sunshine,
The kiss of the rain.
True love is the blessing
That gives life its birth.
It hallows God's beauty
In all of its worth.
Love is eternal--the aspect may change, but not the essence. There is the same difference in a person before and after he is in love as there is in an unlighted lamp and one that is burning. The lamp was there and was a good lamp, but now it is shedding light, too, and that is its real function. And love makes one calmer about many things, and that way, one is more fit for one's work.
--Vincent van Gogh
The Lord didn't say that a man had to trust, honour & obey his wife, but that wives had to trust, honour & obey their husbands. It's the wife's place to yield & trust & love, honour & obey, but I guess the women probably feel that's unfair, especially if they are women libbers & wilful & stubborn. I guess they feel it's unfair of God to expect them to trust a man & love, honour, obey & respect him.--In which case I think it's better for such a woman not to be married if they find it's really not in them to truly love, honour & obey a husband just because God said so.
The only sane thing, as far as God's concerned, is love & unselfishness & sacrifice. People who are unloving & selfish & only concerned about themselves are insane. It's a form of insanity.
Jealousy is to the soul what sickness is to the body.
The ultimate picture of God's creative love to man is a beautiful woman! You are the love of God!
Sex is the ultimate in physical fulfillment of love.
Sex is a basic essential need of the male personality & the strongest of all his needs aside from his spiritual needs.
Remember, love is not trying to find someone who loves you, but trying to find someone who needs your love, that's real love!
He drew a circle that shut me out, but love & I had the wit to win; we drew a circle that took him in.
I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can't help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song...
Principles for a Happy Marriage:
Arguments in Marriage!
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up!
--Ogden Nash
Sadly, it's human nature that we often hurt most the ones we love the most and are the closest to. People who are married often argue with their partner more than with anyone else! If you're having problems with arguing in your marriage, then of course all the above pointers will apply. But here are some extra tips:
Opera tenor Jan Pierce, after being married nearly 50 years, said: "My wife and I made an agreement long ago, and we've kept it no matter how angry we've grown with each other! When one is letting off steam, the other should listen--because when two people are peeved and trying to get their point across at the same time, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations!"
Do not walk out in the middle of an argument. And, "never let the sun go down upon your wrath!"--Ephesians 4:26.
Continually remind yourself of all the positive things about your partner! List all of their good qualities, the reasons for which you married him/her in the first place. Then put the list in your wallet or purse and go over it every time you get irritated with him/her!
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything has any virtue or is praiseworthy--think about these things!"--Philippians 4:8.
One wife who admitted that she constantly criticized her husband and caused almost daily quarrels, gives this advice: "After praying that God would stop our arguing, He showed me that He is the Author of my husband's personality, and that what I viewed as faults are really the means God uses to make me cling closer to Him for solutions! Since then I've begun to trust God, through my prayers, that He is able to make any alterations to my husband if they are needed!"
If you have a major discussion on an important topic coming up, try to arrange a time and place where you won't be interrupted.--For instance, after the children have gone to bed, and not during dinner.
Parents do not usually succeed in hiding disagreements and arguments from their children. Let them know that you do disagree sometimes and that all family members will have times of disagreement. But it's nothing that can't be resolved through quiet discussion and prayer. Keep in mind that your children will learn their pattern for disagreeing and arguing from you!
To have a few occasional personality clashes is understandable, but love never fails, and these should be healed through humility, love and the oil of God's Spirit!
Marriage should be as equal as possible, and as sharing as possible. You should talk together, pray together, love together, discuss together and then decide and agree together! But when it comes to having the last word, if he's a Christian and is trying to serve the Lord and do what's right, the husband is the boss when it comes to decisions about the home and family. God's Word clearly says that women should obey their husbands.--Ephesians 5:22-24,33; 1Corinthians 11:3,8-9; 1Peter 3:1,5-6. If most Christian wives would do this, there would be a lot less fusses, disagreements and arguments! And if you can't trust your husband, at least you can trust the Lord!
In fact, you both have to trust the Lord if you're going to have peace, unity and harmony in the home! If you can't trust your wife or your husband, at least trust the Lord and He'll work things out somehow!
Marriage is more than sex or friendship or even a business partnership for the Lord's Work! It is the most intimate, humbling, loving & self-sacrificial relationship between human beings in all of life. "No greater love hath any man than this: that a man lay down his life for his friends!"--Jn.15:13. This is love, real love, true love--the willingness of a husband to sacrifice himself for his wife, the eagerness of a wife to lay down her life for her husband! This is supernatural love, divine love, God's Love, more than human!
Franklin C. Bailey of Los Angeles is in charge of what he calls "the busiest repair shop in town," and adds that just around the corner is the busiest wrecking business." The repair shop is the marriage counselling service he runs as counsellor of the Conciliation Court of Los Angeles. The wrecking business around the corner is the divorce court. Mr. Bailey lists as the major complaints from the 10,000 people who have passed through his office, in this order: Sex, money, children, and trouble with in-laws. But he says that the real problems are selfishness and greed.
A Marriage Check-up!
We go to our doctor or dentist for check-ups, so that we can ensure good physical health. An occasional marriage check-up, taken seriously, prayerfully & intelligently, will help to maintain good health in our marriage! Here are some questions which a husband & wife might discuss together. If there is a problem, discussion can help to clarify it & change the whole atmosphere of a marriage!
1. Communication
a. Do we have enough time for quiet talks together?
b. How much do we listen to each other, & hear exactly what is being said?
c. How often do we make the mistake of attacking each other's personality rather than the problem?
2. Love
a. In what ways do we honestly try to please each other?
b. Have we reached that "sacrificial love" of which the Scripture speaks, in which we delight more to be a giver than a receiver?
c. In what ways are we truly concerned for each other?
d. How can we develop an even greater love for each other?
3. Finances
a. Are we happy with the way we're managing our finances?
b. Do we tithe monthly?
c. Are we living in a workable budget?
d. What can we do to improve the handling of our finances?
4. Sex
a. Does making love bring us pleasure & a feeling of unity & fulfillment?
b. In love-making, are we concerned merely in getting something for ourselves rather than giving to the other?
c. Are we aware of each other's variations & differences regarding sexual needs?
5. Spiritual
a. Do we spend enough time together in prayer & reading the Word?
b. Are we open & honest with each other, keeping a clear conscience in all matters?
c. What can we do to improve our spiritual relationship with the Lord & each other?
6. Children
a. Are we being a good parental sample to our children?
b. Do we discipline them properly, or are we guilty of under-discipline, over-discipline or not disciplining at all?
c. Do we make sure we have time for them & make them feel loved?
d. In what way can we be better parents?
Great Sex:
Flesh Communicates
It communicates
As few other things can,
In a way that words
Could never match.
It communicates
As no gift could.
Roses, candy, clothes--
Each fall short.
Nothing speaks
In the same way
As flesh meeting flesh
With your loving partner.
Flesh can't say everything.
But it can say something
Special.
It says you love being close,
That the two of you
Have become one.
It says you want each other
And you are needed.
By now you have begun
To understand each other
Physically
And you are relaxed
And you can breathe
Each other in.
You feel like a million Dollars
Because you know
How much you are loved.
Flesh has communicated.
"His left hand is under my head, & his right hand doth embrace me."--SOS 2:6
Rise, my love, my beautiful one,
come away;
For, see, the winter is past,
The rain is over & gone;
The flowers have appeared on the Earth,
The time of song has come;
And the call of the dove is heard
in our land;
The fig tree is putting forth its figs
And the blossoming grapevines
give forth fragrance.
Rise, my love, my beautiful one,
come away.
O my dove in the clefts of the rocks,
in the recesses of the cliffs,
Let me see your form, let me hear
your voice;
For your voice is sweet, & your form
is comely.
Rise, my love, my beautiful one,
come away.
--Song of Songs
Shine! Shine! Shine!
Pour down your warmth, great sun!
While we bask, we two together.
Two together!
Winds blow south, or winds blow north,
Day come white, or night come black,
Home, or rivers & mountains from home,
Singing all the time, minding no time,
While we two keep together.
--Walt Whitman
A Book for Couples:
Marriage is supposed to be for life, except for the most unusual circumstances, truly desperate &/or Scriptural exceptions! Everything humanly possible should be done to stick together, both for your sake as well as for the sake of the children & the Work of God! So don't throw in the towel too soon!
No man, be he prince or pauper, can stand to be humiliated in public, not even by the woman he loves, because it shows she doesn't love him.
Those who say they will forgive but can't forget, simply bury the hatchet but leave the handle out for immediate use.
A husband & wife can have a good relationship as long as she has faith in him & honours & respects him. But when she starts continually trying to tell him what to do & thinks she knows better, it can absolutely wreck the relationship.
To achieve all that is possible, we must attempt the impossible. To be as much as we can be, we must dream of being more.
You may others from sadness to gladness beguile, if you carry your cross with a smile.
Forever My Love:
There would be fewer divorces if the husband tried as hard to keep his wife as he did to get her.
Affection is expressed in a thousand ways, but at times it needs to find words.
Social scientist Dr. Virgina Satir says that four hugs a day will help you survive the blues, but a dozen is better. Speaking to the annual meeting of the American Orthopsychiatric Association, she said more touching would make people happier. She said eight hugs were good for maintenance, & twelve for growth. "Our pores are places for messages of love, & being able to have physical contact is very important."
President Reagan says he keeps his romance with Nancy alive with little notes. Revealing his secret to romance in his marriage to Nancy, Reagan said, "We've always been very close & have developed over these thirty odd years things that are kind of traditional or have meaning to us. We leave notes for each other. It just depends--on a breakfast tray--& on certain occasions send cards." One way the President exhibits common courtesy to the First Lady, he said, "Is by trying to slip out of bed without waking her when I know she's tired."
Somebody said that it couldn't be done,
But he with a chuckle replied
That "maybe it couldn't" but he would be one Who wouldn't say so till he'd tried.
It goes on to say:
So he buckled right in with a trace of a grin
On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done, & he did it.
The kindest & the happiest pair
Will find occasion to forbear.
And something, every day they live,
To pity, and perhaps forgive.
--William Cowper
It's hard to love someone you don't respect or admire for something.
Success in marriage is much more than finding the right person!--It is a matter of being the right person!
Marriage: Trust is the start of it, joy is a part of it & love is the heart of it.
Compliment her! Tell her she's beautiful and she'll be beautiful! Tell her she's wonderful and she'll be wonderful!
Letters to Phillip:
It takes a groom,
It takes a bride
Two people standing side by side...
It takes a ring
And vows that say
This is our happy wedding day...
But marriage vows are sanctified
And loving hearts are unified
When standing with the bride & groom,
Unseen by others in the room,
The "Spirit of the Lord" is there
To bless this happy bridal pair...
For "God is Love," & married life
Is richer for both man & wife
When God becomes a partner, too,
In everything they plan & do...
And every home is specially blest
When God is made a "daily guest".
For married folks who pray together
Are happy folks who stay together...
For when God's Love becomes a part
Of body, mind & soul & heart,
Their love becomes a wondrous blending
That's both eternal & unending,
And God looks down & says "well done"--
For now you two are truly one.
Every good leader is the servant of his people.
God's dynamics of the spirit really operate amazingly! The Lord says, "When one can only chase a thousand, two can put ten thousand to flight!"
The Lord always seems to bless honesty & good communication, & maybe He wants to bless you for it as well!
Love begets love!
If you have a tender message,
Or a loving word to say,
Don't wait till you forget it,
But whisper it today!
The tender words unspoken,
The letter never sent,
The long-forgotten messages,
The wealth of love unspent.
For these some hearts are breaking,
For these some loved ones wait,
Then give them what they're needing,
Before it is too late!
You have to be little to belittle.
It needs so little sympathy
To cheer a weary way,
Sometimes a little kindness
Lights up a dreary day;
A very simple, friendly word
May hope and strength impart,
Or just an understanding smile
Revive some fainting heart;
And, like a sudden sunlit ray,
Lighting a darkened room,
A sunny spirit may beguile
The deepest depths of gloom.
When tempted:
Forget the slander you have heard,
Forget the hasty, unkind word,
Forget the quarrel and the cause,
Forget the whole affair, because,
Forgetting is the only way.
Forget the storm of yesterday,
Forget the chap whose sour face
Forgets to smile in any place.
Forget that you're not a millionaire,
Forget the grey streaks in your hair,
Forget the coffee when it's cold,
Forget to kick, forget to scold.
Forget the plumber's awful charge,
Forget the doctor's bill is large;
Forget the repair man and his ways,
Forget the Winter's blustery days.
But don't forget to thank the Lord when the day is done.
If there's something wrong with sex & you should be ashamed of your body, then there's something wrong with God & you should be ashamed of Him as well!
The Bible rules for marriage are still the ideal & work very well with God's help & your patience, if given half a chance.
The Romance Factor:
Kindness makes a fellow feel good whether it's being done to him or by him.
Kindness is like snow; it makes everything it covers beautiful.
Total Joy:
It's a funny thing but true,
The folks you don't like, don't like you.
I don't know why this should be so
But just the same I always know,
That when I'm sour, friends are few,
When I'm friendly, folks are too.
I sometimes get up in the morn,
Awishin' I was never born,
And then I make cross remarks, a few,
And then my family wishes, too,
That I had gone some other place,
But then I change my little tune,
And sing & smile,
And then the folks around me sing & smile.
I guess 'twas catching all the while.
It's a funny thing but true,
The folks you like, they sure like you!
The story of one of the great presidents of Harvard College, Charles William Eliot, is worth recalling. Born with a serious facial disfigurement, he discovered as a young man that nothing could be done about it, & he must go through life with this mark. It is related that when his mother brought to him that tragic truth, it was indeed "the dark hour of his soul."
His mother told him, "My son, it is not possible for you to get rid of this handicap. We have consulted the best surgeons, & they say that nothing can be done. But it is possible for you, with God's help, to grow a mind & soul so big that people will forget to look at your face."
The clock of life is wound but once
And no man has the power,
To tell just when the hands will stop
At late or early hour.
Now is the only time you own,
Live, love, toil with a will!
Place no faith in time,
For the clock may soon be still!
Bible Verses about Nagging:
"The contentions of a wife are a continual dropping."--Pro.19:13b.
"It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house."--Pro.21:9.
"It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious & an angry woman."--Pro.21:19.
"A continual dripping in a very rainy day & a contentious woman are alike."--Pro.27:15.
In marriage, with children, at work, in any association--an ounce of praise, of sincere appreciation of some act or attribute, can often do more than a ton of fault-finding. If we look for it we can usually find, in even the most unlikely, unlikeable & incapable person, something to commend & encourage. Doubtless it is a human frailty, but most of us, in the glow of feeling we have pleased, want to do more to please, & knowing we have done well, want to do better.
"I did not have my mother long, but she cast over me an influence which has lasted all my life. The good effects of her early training I can never lose. If it had not been for her appreciation & her faith in me at a critical time in my experience, I should never likely have become an inventor. I was always a careless boy, & with a mother of different mental calibre, I should have turned out badly. But her firmness, her sweetness, her goodness, were potent powers to keep me in the right path. My mother was the making of me. The memory of her will always be a blessing to me."--Thomas A. Edison
A prayer for today: This is the beginning of a new day. God has given me this day to use as I will. I can waste it--or use it for good, but what I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it! When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, leaving in its place something that I have traded for it. I want it to be gain, & not loss; good, & not evil; success, & not failure; in order that I shall not regret the price that I have paid for it.--W. Heartsill Wilson.