10. SKIT IDEAS FOR CREATIVE COUNSELING
KRAKATOA
(Other names: Volcano, Land-Mine, Powder Keg, Last Straw)
Problem: One or both of the couple have the bad habit of just blowing up when the heat is on & storming out of the room, usually slamming the door. This explosive nature has created a lot of tension, resentment, & walls. The battle usually ends up with both parties not speaking for a long time.
Skit Idea:
Marvin: I'm home, Alice!
A: Hello, dear. How was your day?
M: I'm exhausted & have to get to a meeting! What's for dinner?
A: Well, it's not quite ready yet.
M: But I'm already late! I promised to meet Ted Lendbucks at eight to go over the report. What have you been doing all day? Watching television?
A: No I haven't been watching television! I can't believe you said that! One little late meal & you're ready to fire me. I've had a hard day too! If that's all the thanks & appreciation I'm going to get, you can get yourself another cook!
M: Oh for Pete's sake I just expect a little cooperation!
A: You don't treat your secretary little Miss what's-her-name this way when she doesn't have your letters ready for you right on time.
M: You don't need to go into a jealous rage just because you can't get a meal on the table on time 'cause you're too busy sitting around all day doing nothing! Don't let it worry you. I'll buy some dog food down the street. (Out the door slam!) (Alice: Boo-hoos)
Skit then seems to be over, but Marvin says, "Wait a minute. We can't end this way!" and the actors return to their places. Marvin sticks his head back in & says "I'm sorry, honey. What is for dinner?"
A: Lamb.
M: My favorite dish next to you.
A: I really wanted to have it ready on time dear, but the car ran out of gas coming home from shopping & it was raining & I got home in a mess.
M: I'll call Ted & maybe he can drop by here later. Why don't you & I have our lamb & each other. My name is Marvin? What's yours?
Discussion:
* There are two sides to every story.
* Violent reactions stop others from approaching us & we get cut off.
* Partners get hardened to each other.
* A person convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
* Both sides need appreciation & special consideration.
* Off topic accusations only make the other mad & upset & are not fair.
SIEGE
(Also called: Sulk, Cold War, Deaf & Dumb)
Problem: The silent treatment to punish the other person has become a bad habit in the marriage. The woman wants to reform her husband from some sin by forcing him into submission. The effect she is having, however, is only making him worse & more rebellious & naughty. The husband in turn is going silent & slipping away from the continual dripping. Heavy skits like this need to be hammed up & exaggerated a bit to keep them from hitting home too hard. If they hurt rather than convict the people, then they lose their effectiveness. If you aren't sure how people will react, then don't attempt it. Wait until you know they have the victory, see the point & would benefit from a little reinforcement of the principle.
Skit Idea:
(Make a small cardboard castle out of a big box that comes up just past the waist)
Henry arrives home briefcase in hand, & his wife is waiting at the door. He seems a bit too happy & she suspects that he has been drinking.
Bertha: You're late, Henry! And what is that smell on your breath!
H: Mouthwash, can't you tell!
B: (Looks furious & marches into the castle & stands with mouth set & arms crossed)
H: (Refusing to be phased) What's for supper? (Not waiting for a reply he pretends to open the refrigerator) Oh good! Yummy cold left-overs right out of the fridge! My favorite! (Pretends to grab a sandwich & picks up the paper & starts reading.) Dow Jones is down again. Oh here's a good ad for a nice hunting dog. I think I'll call them up. I know how much you love pets dear, it would give you someone to glare at while I'm gone. (Starts to call. Wife emerges arms still crossed.)
B: If you think you can get a rise out of me you've got another think coming. I have a perfect right to be upset with you. I smelled liquor on your breath the moment you came into this house. And I warned you if you ever touch another drop of alcohol we're finished.
H:(Now gone completely silent & seems to not hear a thing. Picks up his paper & silently retreats inside the cardboard castle, ignoring his ranting wife.)
B: You can sleep on the sofa tonight! I won't have a drunk in my bedroom! I warned you!
(At the end of the skit Henry & Bertha go to the couple being counselled to ask for their help. The couple themselves are encouraged to find out about Henry & Bertha & see what solutions they can come up with, indirectly working on their own problems.)
Discussion:
* What's wrong in this situation? What will this kind of behaviour lead to?
* Is Henry happy? Is Bertha happy? Is anyone right in this situation?
* Silence is a weapon that destroys communication & builds walls
* The real issues get lost in cold war contests of the will.
* Withholding sex & affection as a cold war weapon is a no-no.
* It likely with ruin both your days, & could cause an accident if he drives while upset.
* You must not let the sun go down on your wrath.
* Anger & bitterness can actually poison your body & shorten your life.
* Is it really possible to convince someone against their will?
DIRTY LAUNDRY
Perhaps one of the partners has made some mistakes in the past & whenever the going gets rough the other one throws it up at them.
On the DTD Tape "On Love We'll Sail" in the song Walk A Mile you find the line about losing ground when you throw dirt at others. You can use this song in counseling people who have this problem of bringing up the sins & mistakes of the past to hurt the other person in an argument. Approach the topic lovingly & don't you beat them over the head with it.
Here are some rules to follow when arguing:
* You must not attack the person or character of your mate. It only opens up old wounds & could cause violence or despair.
* Stick to the real issue.
* Mud slinging is dirty fighting, foul play, & hitting below the belt--outlaw it.
* Forgive, forget & believe that people can & do change. "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others."
PUT DOWN
Problem: Either the wife or the husband has the bad habit of putting the other down in social situations, or with the children. This belittling or undermining has created cold walls of hurt & mistrust. The one person might think they gain "coolness" points by making supposedly funny but rather nasty little digs at or about the other in public, or embarrassing their mate in front of others. They think they will "impress" their friends but they only foolishly tear down their own house with their hands.
Discussion:
* This form of cruelty ends up discouraging the other partner & both suffer. But when it happens a lot there is usually something more behind it. It is a deliberate attempt to hurt the other person in some weak area.
* It is often based on envy or jealousy, pride or insecurity, self-righteousness, power struggles, etc.
* People afflicted with this need to realize that they are not better than the one they put down. They need to start confessing their mistakes, forgive others & facing their fears. Insecurity is often behind this.
* It can be a cover up technique to hide inner guilt. Just as the Devil is the accuser of the saints, they accuse & condemn because they do not feel right with the Lord inside. The woman who is bitter withholds sex & then when her husband wanders, uses it to beat him down. So it can be a smoke screen or red herring trick to hide the real truth.
* Putting people on the defensive to intimidate them will never win them to you, nor make them love you.
* Bitterness is often the root. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks
* There is a real lack of love & trust in this situation. How can we build more trust? Getting closer & spending more good time together. Recognize the need for honest communication.
PLAY DEAD
Problem: In this defense tactic, one or even both of the couple, does not become aggressive, but rather seems to like to flop down into a total slump, a dead weight, a pool of useless jelly, a terminal case of the poor-me's. The partner can't really bring up anything that seems to be a correction or any kind of pressure without the whole bridge collapsing from the crushing weight of their words or expectations. It is passive resistance & rebellion at its best: "Go ahead, hit me when I down & helpless". This is just another bad habit & can in time actually physically & mentally & emotionally weaken the one who decides to play this game. The game in time becomes real & takes a hold on the person so that they can't turn it on & off any more.
Skit idea:
If you want to try to show this problem in a skit you might have Mr. or Mrs. Moody Blues both trying to "out-sick" the other for a real comic effect. Or you could have one come in dragging a big bag labelled "you hurt me so bad I'm going to die now". Moody tries to get their mate's attention by all the obvious ploys & finally his or her partner notices them & asks the obvious, "Is anything wrong?" Moody, who could be making a coffin out of cardboard & practicing lying in it & arranging the flowers, naturally replies in the heaviest tones, "Oh no,(glazed stare), nothing! Why do you ask?" (You can hear the moody one thinking out loud:) "Finally noticed me huh! About time. You're going to pay. You're going to be sorry you didn't treat me better. This time he's really gone too far--now my poor mind has snapped & he sees what he's done. Too bad! How sad! He should have appreciated me more. Now you're sorry for how mean you were to poor little me! I'm still barely here, but if you so much as make a wrong move. Poof! My poor little thread will snap. But maybe it would be better that way anyway. He never really loved me anyway. Poor unloved suffering me. Beg me to live you beast! Repent & cry & crawl & prove to me you're sorry & perhaps I'll come back to your cruel little World. "
Other: Honey, tell me what's wrong.
M.B.: What's wrong with me! You don't know what's wrong with me! You're what's wrong with me--you're driving me insane.
Other: Why, what did I do?
M.B.: Everything! Just like you're doing right now! Pretending it's just me. Boo-hoo!
Discussion:
* This is what is called an "attention-getting device" & is often a symptom of insecurity & the need for better & deeper communication, but there is the great danger that in deciding to "play sick" you get sick & can't pull out of your self-created monster.
* It really is another form of lying to your mate & those around you, hoping to get sympathy & special treatment & also to get out of having to do what you don't want to do.
* It can be a form of rebellion & stubborn behaviour & struggle of wills, but since it comes cloaked as a weak helpless lamb it is sometimes hard to spot. Everyone likes to make a play for sympathy now & then, but it becomes a serious "illness" when it is done out of bitterness & frustration & the desire to control or get even with the other person, & to make them feel badly for how much suffering they have caused you. At this point it is selfishness & not love & is not a building block in lifelong relationships.
* The purpose of marriage is not to find someone you can totally control & who lets you have your own way at all times or else. It's very much a give & take partnership.