9. MARRIAGE BUILDING ASSIGNMENTS
Use these cards for "Homework" activities to give the couple you are counseling. You can either assign specific cards related to the areas they are working on, or have a "Pick a Card" box for them.
Cards with the "W" code are especially for wives; with "H" are for husbands, with "C" are for either member of the couple. More activities for husbands can be found in the book summary "Total Man."
Marriage Building Assignment: H
LOVE & APPRECIATION
On several little pieces of paper, write a number of fun things you can do together: "One movie of your choice with hubby; one pizza on the evening of your choice; one good, long walk together" etc. Some may involve spending money, some may not. Put the little pieces of paper in a small box and present it as a gift.
Marriage Building Assignment: H
LOVE & APPRECIATION
Write up an invitation to your wife on a nice piece of writing paper, something like, "Mr. M. Brown requests the honour of your presence at a pizza lunch next Friday at the pizza shop near his office. Time:___ Date: ___" Mail it to her so she'll receive it and be encouraged during a busy day at home.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
PROJECTS
Paint your bedroom. Choose a soft colour you love, buy a roller, & whip it on the walls yourself. Paint the trim, woodwork, & ceilings pure white. If your room is beautiful, you will be likely to tackle whatever the day or night might bring.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
SEX & AFFECTION
Set the mood for love at breakfast (if he has one!). Use candlelight at the table, especially in the winter, or if it's still dark outside. On the weekend, or when there is no rush for work, serve him breakfast in bed. While he's still asleep, bring in coffee, sweet rolls, & orange juice on a tray set with your best dishes. Slip into something sexy & then waken him with a kiss.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
SEX & AFFECTION
Set the bedroom mood for love. Buy some tinted light bulbs for special bedroom occasions, or drape a red nightie over the lamp shade to give a diffused, warm, soft glow. Begin now to anticipate making love tonight. Be available & touchable, but not overly aggressive.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
COMMUNICATION
Start tomorrow morning, try this suggestion on your mate or your closest friend for one day. Only give constructive & positive comments in spite of what you hear him or her say. Bite your tongue if you start to snap back. Remember, if you answer angry words with more angry words, it is the second words that make the quarrel.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
CHILDREN & FAMILY LIFE
All in the Family--Listen & Love--Make bedtime for the children a "love-in". Try to be totally available for them at least twenty minutes twice a week. Talk with them about their day & their plans for tomorrow. Discuss their "time" needs & help them organise.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
HABITS & CHARACTER
a. For instructions on a new life, read & apply chapter 5 of 1 John, verses 9-13 in the Bible.
b. For instructions on a new joy, read & apply chapters 15 & 16 of St. John.
Marriage Building Assignment: H
LOVE & APPRECIATION
Plan to give your wife a break from the house & kids this week--come home early from work one day, or perhaps part of Saturday. Give her a chance to go to the library, for a bike ride or meet with a friend for a coffee or shopping.
Marriage Building Assignment: H
ROLE REINFORCEMENT
On Saturday morning, or on a weekday if you can work it out, write your wife a little note, "Let's go to the amusement park today" or "Let's go to the beach, just the two of us", and stick it in a small box, gift wrap it & present it with a kiss at breakfast.
Marriage Building Assignment: H
LOVE & APPRECIATION
Have your wife make a list of repairs or improvements that are needed around the house. Then begin doing them, one by one.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
CHARACTER & HABITS
1. List in order of importance your six most essential responsibilities.
2. List your strong points in domestic skills.
3. List your weak points. Give thought to a special project for improving these areas.
4. Read from the Bible: Pro.31:10-31.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
SEX & AFFECTION
Make or buy an especially feminine dress. Add soft hairdo & some feminine touches, such as a ribbon or pearls. Watch your husband's reaction.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
ROLE REINFORCEMENT
1. Analyze your feminine manner. Take your weakest point & work on it for at least a week--a month is better.
2. Express to your sons & daughters your tender feelings for them, accompanied by a soft look, soft tone in the voice, or some act of affection.
3. Express to your husband your tender feelings for him.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
ATTITUDE & OUTLOOK
Accept your husband just as he is. Write out two lists--one of his faults & one of his virtues. Take a long, hard look at his faults & then throw the list away; don't ever dwell on them again. Only think about his virtues. Carry that list with you & refer to it when you are mad, sad, or glad.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
ATTITUDE & OUTLOOK
Admire your husband every day. Make a list of his virtues & refer to it if you need a place to start. Say something nice about his body today. Put his tattered ego back together with compliments.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
ATTITUDE & OUTLOOK
Adapt to his way of life. Accept his friends, food, & life-style as your own. Ask him to write the six most important changes he'd like to see take place at your house. Read the list in private, react in private, & then set out to accomplish these changes with a smile. Be a "Yes, let's!" woman some time of every day.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
LOVE & APPRECIATION
Appreciate all he does for you. Sincerely tell him "Thank you" with your attitudes, actions, & words. Give him your undivided attention, & try not to make any telephone calls after he comes home, especially after 8:00 p.m.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
SEX & AFFECTION
Be an atmosphere adjuster in the morning. Set the tone for love. Be pleasant to look at, be with, & talk to. Walk your husband to the car each morning & wave until he's out of sight.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
SEX & AFFECTION
Once this week call him at work an hour before quitting time, to say, "I wanted you to know that I just crave your body!" or some other appropriate tender term. Then take your bubble bath shortly before he comes home.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
SEX & AFFECTION
Thrill him at the front door in your costume. A frilly new nightie & heels will probably do the trick as a starter. Variety is the spice of sex.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
SEX & AFFECTION
Be prepared mentally & physically for intercourse every night this week. Be sure your attitude matches your costume. Be the seducer, rather than the seducee.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
CHARACTER & HABITS
When you have good rapport with your husband this week, ask him to write out your three main strengths & weaknesses. Thank him for his helpful list. Don't be defensive as you read it.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
CHILDREN & FAMILY LIFE
Celebrate something special tonight. Make dinner time a time of fun & sharing. Plan to have a serendipity time for him & the children.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
CHILDREN & FAMILY LIFE
1. Put into practice today with each child the blueprint for blessing:
a. Accept him
b. Love & touch him
c. Play with him
d. Encourage him
e. Talk with him
f. Discipline him in love
g. Encourage spiritual growth
Marriage Building Assignment: C
CHILDREN & FAMILY LIFE
List the characteristics that you would like to develop in your children. Begin to compliment these traits as you see them appear.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
CHARACTER & HABITS
On the top of three separate sheets of paper write the following:
1. What I want more of from my partner in this relationship is...
2. What I want less of from my partner is...
3. What's just right in this relationship is...
Marriage Building Assignment: C
BRIDGE BUILDING EXERCISE
* List three things that you know you can do to make your marriage better. Write these three points out on a small card which you keep somewhere you will see it & be reminded from time to time. Underline a word in your sentences each time you know you have made progress or done something in that area. Turn the card in to the counselor in two weeks.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
LISTENING EXERCISE
What two things did your partner try to tell you this week that you did not want to listen to? What are two things that you wish your partner would listen to you about & act on?
Marriage Building Assignment: C
CRISIS MANAGEMENT/ARGUMENTS
Is there a storm brewing in the air over something?--Stop & write a little note to your partner about it. Outline the problem as you see it, & suggest a loving solution, & ask for his or her opinion in the note as well.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
CRISIS MANAGEMENT/ARGUMENTS
Make Yourself a Promise: No matter how bad the next fight gets, I will fight FAIR. I will not drag up the past or attack their character with words like "You always.../You never ever.../How could you be so...". I will call a truce until things cool off.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
HABITS & CHARACTER
Clean up or fix up some area of the house this week that has needed it for some time. Make a list of Household "To Do Jobs" & agree on each other's reward for finishing the job by the end of the week.--Be sure to "pay" up.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
AFFECTION
Go up & give your mate an nice big hug at least once every day, & say, "I love you" or some such encouraging words when you hug. Check the appropriate day below. If you miss a day, you must: (1) Explain why on the flip side of this card. (2) More than make up for it on the next day.
MON
TUES
WED
THUR
FRI
SAT
SUN
Marriage Building Assignment: C
COMMUNICATION
Set aside a time to talk together daily, even if only for 10 minutes. Put a check beside each day that you have done it:
MON
TUES
WED
THUR
FRI
SAT
SUN
Marriage Building Assignment: C
SHARED ACTIVITY TIME
Make a little list of things that you both would like to do that could be done together. Put it up in the kitchen & check each item off as you do them. For example, go for a drive, visit friends, eat out, go to a movie, dine by candle-light, etc.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
CHILDREN/ FAMILY TIME
Do something together with your partner for the children, such as a special treat, a surprise outing, go for a picnic, play a family game together, etc.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
AFFECTION
Do something extra this week for your partner. That doesn't necessarily mean you buy them a present, but perhaps make them something that will be useful.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
LOVE & CONSIDERATION
Give your mate one morning of peace & quiet & rest. Breakfast in bed & all wishes granted & dishes washed & house cleaned by you & kids. Make it a special "appreciation day" for either Mommy or Daddy with the kids help.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
LOVE & APPRECIATION
Hide a love note from you some place your mate will find it.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
LOVE & CONSIDERATION
When you see your mate under pressure to get something done, volunteer to take the job or ask if there is something else you can do to help--and do it!
Marriage Building Assignment: C
CHILDREN/FAMILY TIME
Make popcorn for everyone to enjoy while you watch an encouraging program on video or TV together.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
LOVE & APPRECIATION
Take a few pieces of paper the size of a check & on each one write, "Pay to the order of my dear (mate), one..." Then make out a fun activity check to your mate that you will honour. For example, the man could offer a dinner out, a movie, to do dishes, etc. The woman could offer a massage after dinner Friday night, a favorite meal, etc.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
LOVE & APPRECIATION
Make it a point this week to say something nice or complimentary about your mate in a situation that involves them & others--like a little public recognition of one of their good qualities.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
BREAKING BAD HABITS
Give yourself a star on the back of this card for every time you were tempted to put your mate down in a public conversation but stopped yourself. If you & your mate have gotten into this bad habit, then agree together this week to try your best to stop it, & agree to "pay a fine" for any slip ups. Third time offenders should humble themselves & apologize, "Oh, that wasn't fair! I'm sorry,....."
Marriage Building Assignment: C
COMMUNICATION
Send a surprise love message to your partner by telling someone they communicate a lot with how much you love your partner or appreciate them. It will be sure to get back to them.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
BREAKING BAD HABITS
Decide in your heart that you will not butt in & correct your partner on little details when they are talking to others. Give yourself 10 points for every time you stop yourself. Subtract 20 for every time you "couldn't help yourself". When you reach 100 buy yourself & your mate a treat. And don't ever tell what the occasion was that you didn't speak up, or you go back to 0.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
COMMUNICATION/ARGUING
Learn the Rules of Arguing:
1. Don't bring up issues at bad times of the day.
2. Listen.
3. Do not bring up the past
4. Don't over-generalise. "You always..."
5. Do not use rough language. Control your hands, tongue & volume.
6. Do not walk out.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
COMMUNICATION
Agree together to have the TV off one night this week.
Day: _______________
Marriage Building Assignment: C
CHARACTER BUILDING
List ten people that you liked in your life & in a word or two tell what was their strongest quality. Now decide to adopt some of those for yourself.
Marriage Building Assignment: C
LOVE & APPRECIATION
If your partner does something well, tell them so & compliment them. Look for at least three things this week that you can sincerely compliment & praise your mate on.
(Check when you do it:)
1.___ 2.___ 3.___
Marriage Building Assignment: C
CHILDREN/FAMILY LIFE
Decide on a certain time of the day that you can both spend some time with the children together--at least 15 minutes. Maybe a bedtime story together, or talk time about the day. Give the kids your full attention for this time. Let them know you enjoy being with them. (Check the day as you do it:)
M__T__W__T__F__S__S__
Marriage Building Assignment: C
Bridge Building
List at least 5 things you like most in your partner & make it a point this week to concentrate on those qualities.
Make a list of the 5 things you think your partner most likes in you & really try this week to work on developing them.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
HOW TO BE THE PERFECT FOLLOWER: A WIFE'S CHECKLIST
1. Let go of the reins.
2. Have a girlish trust in him.
3. Be adjustable.
a. Don't have preconceived ideas.
b. Make your dreams portable.
4. Be obedient.
5. Support his plans & decisions.
6. When you don't agree, support his "right to decide."
7. Present a United Front to the children.
8. Assert yourself.
Marriage Building Assignment: W
Bridge Building: How to Give Advice
1. Ask leading questions.
2. Use "insight" words, like "I feel."
3. Don't appear to know more than he does.
4. Don't be motherly.
5. Don't talk man to man.
6. Don't act braver than he is.
7. Don't have unyielding opinions.
8. Don't insist he do things your way.
Remember: It is better to let a man have his way & fail than to stand in his way & have him feel thwarted.