MAINLY FOR WIVES
--By Robert Chartham
THE JOY OF SEX!
Love for a marriage partner can be expressed in any number of ways, yet the greatest majority of couples find a need for one special way of expression through the sharing of bodies, just as love in its fullest sense must include the sharing of minds. It is because the fullest physical sharing of bodies is only achieved in intercourse that sex & love are complements of each other, & that sex plays an extremely important part in the experience of a full life. It is the basis of the family too, for without sex there can be no children.
A great deal of the enjoyment of living comes from physical sensation. For example, the pleasure of eating & drinking comes from the taste buds, the pleasure of music by way of the ears, of art by way of the eyes. Such pleasures as these we accept as the natural results of our body's functions, & regard the enjoyment of them as a right. But as God created the organs by which you taste, see & hear, so He created the part of your body with which you make love; & as He did so, He implanted in them the means of deriving physical & emotional sensations quite different from the pleasure derived from other parts of the body, both in their nature & intensity.
Having taken the trouble to do this, He obviously intended that these parts of the body should be used, & used to their highest potential for the enrichment of life. There can be no questioning therefore of sexual activity between husband & wife, & no justification for feelings of guilt. In fact, if there is any sin attached to the sexual relations of husband & wife, it exists only in the feelings of guilt--the feelings of guilt are the sin.
Whether the man is conscious of it or not, his penis has for him a significance above & beyond its merely physical role. The male has always regarded himself, & has been encouraged to do so by his female partners, as the stronger sex. He is physically stronger, the breadwinner, the protector as husband & father. These are attributes of his manhood. But since these are abstract attributes, in order to reassure himself he needs a symbol that will visibly demonstrate his manhood. It's natural that he should select as this symbol that organ whose functions are devoted to the expression of male sexuality.
But as he regards the penis as the symbol of his manhood, so he is jealous of its looks & performance. Though most normal men are consciously satisfied with the size of their penis, in others there is a hidden wish for a larger one. This wish becomes a conscious thought especially in the cases of men with a below-average-size penis. Such men are extremely sensitive about the size of their organ, & any remarks about it, even made entirely in fun, are taken very much to heart.
Stekel, a famous pioneer sexual psychologist, has recorded a case of a young man who went with a prostitute. In the course of their caresses, the woman teased the young man about the size of his penis. He was so hurt by her joking remarks that he immediately lost his erection, & until his treatment & cure by Stekel, was never again able to have an erection while in bed with a woman.
This is a somewhat extreme case, of course, but it does happen that feelings of inadequacy brought on by a small penis can be transferred to practically every aspect of a man's life. Such men usually do not know that a small penis is just as capable of providing the partner with complete sexual satisfaction as a large one. When a man realises this, he is often just as satisfactory a lover as a man equipped with a larger penis.
I have referred to this because it is a point not usually talked about by men, even among themselves. But it is most important that a wife should be aware of it & constantly on her guard not to unwittingly do the damage she most wants to avoid. Men are so sensitive that they are only too quick to interpret any criticisms of their lovemaking ability or organs as criticisms of their manhood, with results that can be disastrous to future sex relations, since their confidence in their capacity as lovers may be seriously undermined.
THE SEXUAL CHARACTER
One person is placid, another highly excitable; one is highly intelligent, another not an intellectual type; one is slow to anger, another easily provoked to rage; one has a bright happy disposition, another is taciturn & moody. The variations in human characteristics are almost limitless, & this difference carries over into sexual characteristics.
The sexual "character" falls into three main types, which apply equally to men & women & can be classified thus: The highly-sexed (or passionate), the medium-sexed & the lowly-sexed. These classifications are based on what is known as the frequency of the sexual urge. The medium-sexed, who form by far the largest group of men & women, might experience sexual desire & arousal & the need for orgasm 2-3 times a week (in their twenties an average of 4 times a week); the lowly-sexed may experience sexual desire, arousal & the need for orgasm only once a fortnight, or once a month, while the highly-sexed have a daily urge, & often a twice- or thrice-daily urge.
To the medium-sexed & the lowly-sexed it may come as a surprise to find that there are men & women who feel such a frequent urge as this last group. I think all of us have had enough experience to realise that there are people whose interest in sex appears to be one of their predominant features. I have a shrewd suspicion, too, that we rather disapprove of such people. We are inclined to interpret their high sexuality as being an unhealthy interest in sex which they make no attempt to control.
In much the same way, & this is particularly true of men, we are apt to despise the lowly-sexed. Their apparent disinterest in sex seems to us to display a lack of manhood & womanhood.
We are wrong to condemn either type, & if we do think like this, it shows very clearly that we are ignorant of the nature of the sexual urge & the varying degrees of sexuality which different people possess.
The sexual urge is as valid a characteristic of a man or woman as fair hair or brown eyes, an even temper or quick wit. It is an essential component of a person's total makeup, & can no more be ignored or changed than any other physical characteristic. It is the result of activities of certain physical parts of our bodies--secretions & the glands that make them--& not of any psychological reaction. In the highly-sexed, these glands are extremely active, & cause frequent sexual arousal, & the highly-sexed cannot be blamed for this. A low activity of the same glands is responsible for the low frequency of arousal, & similarly the lowly-sexed cannot be blamed for the infrequency of their urge.