FLIRTY FISHING
The Inside Story
One Man's Personal Experience
By Bert
(c) March 1995, The Family, Zurich, Switzerland (FFT02) DFO
Flirty Fishing, the controversial witnessing method practiced by the Family in the late 70s and early 80s, in which sexual appeal was used to bring people to God, is to this day still highlighted in news articles about the Family (even though such methods were discontinued in 1987). Many doubt the sincerity of such tactics, likening it to nothing more than prostitution under the cover of religion. But I know such accusations are false. How do I know?Because of the personal encounter I had with one of the Familys "flirty little fish"! My life was changed forever. You probably wonder, "What was it like? What was she like? How did it all happen? Did she seduce you? Did she hypnotize you?" This is my story.
Im 38 years old. My name is Bert and I was born to an upper-middle-class family in Thailand. I grew up as a Catholic, following my fathers religious beliefs. My mother was a professing Protestant.
I have always believed in and loved Jesus because of the great influence of my mother, who always spoke about the Lord and testified of His love and miracle-working power in her own life. She gave God the glory for healing her of tuberculosis. She told me how the Lord, in answer to her prayers, had brought my father along when she was asked to leave her teaching job because of her illness. At that time she was sickly and unwanted and had no place to go. My father was an immigrant with literally only a few pennies in his pocket when he saw a picture of my mother and sent her a proposal of marriage.
My father did not push his beliefs on me, but he was an honest, sincere man, who attributed his successes to God. He and my mother prayed earnestly for the Lords guidance and blessing on their lives.
My parents worked very hard, and the Lord did bless them, as they grew from poverty to having a very successful business of their own, and eventually could afford to send all their children abroad for higher studies. We lived very comfortably, and when my brothers and sisters married and left home, they were given lands and houses with which to start their families. I was never in want. I never lacked anything. In fact, I always got what I wanted and more.
I was intrigued by and listened attentively to different stories about the Lord that my mother used to share with me. She also read portions of the Bible to me, which I enjoyed, but I never had a desire to get into anything too religious or too deep. Knowing that I loved and believed in Jesus Christ was enough for me. I was eager to get on with life and be successful.
However, one night as a teenager I lay in bed contemplating my future. I had thoughts of becoming a banker or taking over my fathers business, but other than that, there wasnt any real direction in my life at that time. I remember that night, after many long hours of wondering, I concluded that maybe I should give my life to God. I even thought that maybe I should become a priest in a Catholic order, as that was the only way I knew how to serve God.
It was not until many years later, in the beginning of 1978 at the age of 23, that those thoughts of serving God were fulfilled in the most unusual way.
I was the youngest in the family, and attended a top international school in India for 11 years. It was a refined Catholic boarding school run by very qualified people, where the children of the top families in the region were educated.
After graduating, I was accepted at Marquette University in Wisconsin, U.S.A. After four years of college, I graduated and returned to Thailand to fulfill national service duties for six months. Upon completing these duties, I then applied to go back to the United States for higher studies, hoping that I would be able to specialize and then return to Thailand to help with the family business. But there were no vacancies in the institution where I had applied, so I would need to wait a year before enrolling. I believe this was Gods perfect plan and timing, as it was during that interlude that I met the Family.
During the year that I was waiting to go on to further studies, I lived a very carefree life. I had developed a rather selfish outlook on life and was at that time only looking to be successful. Being very conscious of status and appearance, I would wear only the finest and most expensive clothing. My goal became to make it big in life. Because most of my younger years had been spent abroad, I did not have many friends, so I began to look for companionship and friends, and started having a good time around town with the girls.
I never did like to drink liquor, nor did I smoke cigarettes. Drugs didnt interest me at all. I very much liked sports, preserving my health and building my body. I loved anything vigorous and competitive. Although I avoided parties or getting stoned or high on drugs, I liked to go to discotheques where I could dance and be involved with the world of glitter, glamour and beautiful girls. I enjoyed hobnobbing with the chic and exclusive crowd, as that was what I thought would make me happy and how I would experience and live life to the full.
But strangely enough, I never did fit in. I just wanted to have fun, but the crowd I associated with got involved in things that I didnt approve of. Somehow I did not "speak their language." I began to feel lonely. I tried to find happiness in spending money, and also got more involved in sports. I expected to make myself happy with material things.
One day, when I was working at a branch of my familys business, in walked an American. He right away came up to me and introduced himself. He was about my age and looked very happy. He introduced himself as Jonathan, and explained that he was a missionary, and that he happened to be witnessing door-to-door in the area when he saw me through the window. He spoke Thai extremely well, which is very unusual for foreigners.
We exchanged phone numbers and he invited me to his home. Of course, besides thinking he was an amiable fellow, it did strike me that he was rather young to be a missionary, as he was just my age. That stuck in my mind, but nothing transpired or motivated me to call the number he had given or make any further contact.
A week passed and I received a call from Jonathan. We exchanged small talk on the phone and he again invited me over for dinner. It was not until I had met him a few more times around town, however, that I finally accepted the invitation to go to his home.
But I knew I did not have anything to substantiate my arguments with, and I could not deny what they said, particularly when they quoted the Bible.
I went to his small home, where three or four adults lived. We had a casual conversation during dinner, but afterwards the conversation turned to love and the Bible and Jesus. I was very argumentative, insisting that love wasnt necessarily connected to Jesus and the Bible. I was just arguing for the sake of arguing, denying all they said and what they showed me from the Bible. I had not read the Bible that much, but I was too proud to accept what they had to say, or to admit that they knew something that I didnt know. I was determined to impress upon them my knowledge and understanding of life and love (which I actually knew absolutely nothing about). I was a very shallow man, with no cause to fight for, who basically lived for himself and was solely concerned about himself.
This type of casual contact with the Family went on for several months. They would come and visit me and just be friendly and sweet. They werent preaching or shoving their doctrine or their beliefs down my throat in any way. I slowly and gradually began to secretly accept their teachings. But every time we had a conversation that had to do with anything that I didnt fully agree with, I would argue and try to refute what they were saying. But I knew I did not have anything to substantiate my arguments with, and I could not deny what they said, particularly when they quoted the Bible. I remember I was very impressed and even convinced when I heard the different Bible verses they pointed out to me, but I was too proud to humbly admit that, and accept the truth therein. Still, they never gave up on me; they always gave me the benefit of the doubt.
I remember one conversation we had regarding the creation of the world. They explained that the Bible plainly says that God created the world in six days. The first chapter of Genesis very clearly explains how He did it. I held the more modernistic belief, that the Lord used an evolutionary process to create the world, as was taught in the schools that I had attended. But I could not argue when they asked, "But do you really believe the Bible? Do you believe the passages that were reading to you?" And I did, I believed them! The verses from the Bible spoke to me and touched my heart. Then their next question was, "Well then, why do you not believe what the Bible says about God creating the world in six days?" Their simplicity was amazing. They believed the Bible and were trying to live the Bible and do exactly what God had commanded His people to do.
I had a high regard for their motives and dedication, which were beginning to be more evident in my interaction with them, as they opened their home and hearts to me. I saw their children and their way of life and it was intriguing. Somehow deep in my heart, I knew that they were special and they were doing a very noble thing; it wasnt just because of their much talking, but I could see that they were trying to win the world with the love of Jesus.
They did not lure me or use sex to "hook" me. But their simple way of life, their love and friendship, and most of all, their love for God and Jesus and others, touched my heart and began to win me.
At this time, they told me that they were willing to be a help to me in any way they could. That included supplying my sexual needs too. They did not flaunt this in my face, nor did they invite me to any wild orgies or parties. There were no enticing baits or come-ons. Their life was very simple and they just wanted to help. I was a high society boy at that time, and in the physical there was nothing very impressive that the Family had to offer me. They didnt have much materially, and even the Family women I met werent unusually enticing or attractive. They did not lure me or use sex to "hook" me. But their simple way of life, their love and friendship, and most of all, their love for God and Jesus and others touched my heart and began to win me.
After I had known the Family for a few months, I concluded that they were right in doing what they were doing, but that their lifestyle was not for me. I continued to remain a friend and I helped them in any way I could, but I tried to preserve my independence. My argument was that I was happy to know and be associated with Christians who lived the Bible, and I would be supportive of that, but I did not believe that it was my calling to "go into all the world and preach the Gospel to every creature" (Mark 16:15).
I did not take time to read the literature they gave me because I already knew and loved Jesus, and I felt it was better if the literature that they were distributing went to people who did not know anything about Jesus. But the Family members and I did read and discuss the Bible a lot when we were together.
Towards the middle of the year, I visited their home one day and was introduced to a young European woman who had just come from another country. Her name was Kirsty. She told me a little bit about where shed come from, and I was happy that another missionary had come to help the Familys work and mission in Thailand.
There was nothing earth-shaking about our meeting, but I must admit that the most striking thing about Kirsty was her eyes. She had beautiful, glowing, sparkling eyes, and a smile to match. In that respect, she was quite captivating. In fact, what was very striking about all the Family members Id met was the shine in their eyes and their genuine sincere smiles and looks of happiness. This was undoubtedly very different from the people I usually associated with, or for that matter, even the other Christian missionaries whom I had known and respected during my childhood.
I saw Kirsty occasionally at the Familys home. Our encounters and communications were casual and friendly. But that was all to change one boring Sunday afternoon....
I can still remember how I was at home watching television, when the phone rang. It was Kirsty on the line. She called because she had some free time that afternoon and asked if I would like to go out to a movie.
That was certainly a very pleasant change in my routine as I had not gone out to a movie with a girl in a very long time. It had been quite some time since Id last seen Kirsty, and recalling the impression of her beautiful eyes and smile warmed my heart. I readily accepted the invitation. Usually on Sunday afternoons I would go to a nearby sports club to swim and play tennis, but going to a movie with a pretty girl seemed a lot more appealing.
When we were together that afternoon she told me her life story, which I found quite interesting, as she had made a commitment to serve Jesus at the age of 16. I couldnt help but admire the life this intriguing young woman had chosen. The stories she shared with me of her years and experiences serving the Lord in the Family made a tremendous impression on me.
My contact with Kirsty grew quite intimate that afternoon we spent together. I enjoyed her company and felt close to her and very relaxed. I couldnt help but admire the life this intriguing young woman had chosen.
What would speak the loudest and clearest to me was hearing the different examples of how those in the Family had dedicated their lives to bringing the love of Jesus to others. Previously, most of their lives had been big messes. Drugs or selfish pursuits had left them unhappy and unfulfilled. Their personal experiences and life stories spoke louder than their actual "preaching" or even reading the Bible.
My contact with Kirsty grew quite intimate (though not sexually) that afternoon we spent together. I enjoyed her company and felt close to her and very relaxed.
I had known the Family for several months by this time, and I felt they were my friends and I was theirs. I often invited them over for dinner, or I took them to swim at the sports club or we went jogging together. Id also met other women in the Family and I felt close to them, although I was not attracted to anyone in particular. However, what I now felt towards Kirsty was a bit different, and there was definitely a physical attraction there.
I was aware of the liberal teachings of the Family regarding sex. I knew that what they called the "Law of Love" was part of their life and ministry. They were simply available and loving to those in need, those who were lonely and in need of physical and sexual love. I had not read much about this nor had I read any letters from their founder, David Brandt Berg (also known as "Father David"), on the subject, but their simple explanation, their personal example, and the different verses from the Bible that they showed me to support this principle were enough truth to convince me that their motives and intentions were pure, humble and sacrificial.
This doctrine and the practice of the "Law of Love" and what I came to find out was called "Flirty Fishing" made sense to me. I didnt have any hang-ups about it and it even helped clarify for me what love is all about. All I had previously known about love was very limited and narrow. Of course I knew of love between a man and a woman, or of love for ones familyones parents and brothers and sistersbut I knew little about sacrificial love that reached beyond personal family, when one laid down his or her life for someone else. This type of love, I must say, touched me deeply. I was a selfish person who only wanted to take, not give. But I had an inner conviction that the kind of love that would go as far as offering sex to someone for their comfort if necessary, to show love and concern for that person and their needs, was the right thing to do. This was the kind of love the world needed.
One thing led to another, and in the privacy of her room, we started kissing. . .
Back to my first night with the Lords "flirty little fish": After spending the afternoon together, I ended up taking her home. She invited me in. One thing led to another, and we ended up in the privacy of her bedroom, where we started kissing. There wasnt any big fanfare, but things flowed very smoothly and naturally. She asked me if I wanted to make love, to which I replied that I did. She began to arrange her bed, and get a few little things ready. She lit a candle and poured us each a glass of wine.
At that point I said, "Oh, you do things so professionally!" I was jokinga reference to the fact that I supposed she had made love to, or "FFed," others before. Kirstys sweet smile vanished as tears welled up in her eyes. I knew I had said the wrong thing. I realized in my heart that I had hurt her, and that she wasnt doing this because she wanted to have sex, but because she wanted to really show me how much she loved me and how much God loved me, and she was willing to go to the ultimatesexto prove it.
It was like I had accused her of just "turning another trick," and it hurt her that I might feel that way. It was then that I realized more than ever that it was costing her something to have sex with me. Even though we knew each other casually, it wasnt like she knew everything about me. I believe it was out of pride that I made such an unloving comment, as it was humbling for me to just receive love, pure and simple. There were no conditions tied to it, it was just done out of simple love and concern. She wasnt a glamour girl, and there was no preaching. There was just a loving deed.
I didnt give her anything, it didnt cost me anything, but it probably cost her a lot. Im sure she didnt feel like what she had done had made a big difference, especially since after thanking her and letting her know that I really appreciated her love and concern, I left and went back to my life. But little did she know that her loving example had made a deep impression on my heart. It made me respect her and the Family and their beliefs and their calling to be witnesses for God.
It was from then on that things started to change. My perspective changed and I started taking seriously what they read to me from Gods Word. I saw it as something that I needed to take note of, but I still didnt feel at that time that I could give my life to full-time service for Jesus. I did, however, wake up to the fact that I needed to straighten up my life a bit and read the Bible more seriously. A desperate need to find out what was in the Bible grew within me. Up until that point I had read the Bible superficially, but I had never delved into it or studied it deeply or made it a part of my life.
I never liked to read very much on my own, so for a long time Kirsty would read the Bible with me. She gave me one of her own Bibles, and I started reading and marking and studying more of the words of Jesus. Then she introduced me to the letters of Father David, or the MO Letters, as I later found out they were called by Family members. I felt very privileged to be able to read the MO Letters, though at the time I didnt always understand or grasp their purpose or how much reading and following them would change my life.
A connection and a bond began to develop between us. I was beginning to feel that I needed her and I couldnt live without her.
As Kirsty began to read the Letters with me more, I found that I understood more of the Bible, too! I felt more and more like a Christian, someone who deeply believed in Jesus. I also felt ashamed that I didnt come closer to living the words of Jesus, whom I respected and believed in so much.
The activities and deliberations of the Family began to impress me more and more, and I began to realize the work involved in reaching just my own country was enormous! There were not enough Family members to go around and be effective, and the extent of their work at that time consisted of only the sharing of their faith on an individual level that they were able to do here and there.
As time passed, my relationship with Kirsty became quite intimate, and we continued having regular sexual contact. As far as I was concerned, she was beginning to be a part of me. I, of course, could not speak for her feelings, because I did not really know how she felt, but she always seemed to be there to encourage me and to help me understand more about the Lord and His ways, the principles of the Bible and the MO Letters and how to put them into practice.
Our personal relationship was much like that of any other man and woman. We went through the normal ups and downs together. Sometimes wed have misunderstandings. Other times wed have fun and share joy and laughter. There were the serious times too. But the difference was that she made an effort to center our relationship around God and His Word. She kept making sure that what we were doing was in accordance with the teachings of Christ. Did it make Jesus happy? Did it make others happy? Was it according to the Word? That took a while for me to get used toto constantly be thinking about how my life and my interactions with others and my relationship with Kirsty were affecting others, and most of all, if these aspects of my life were pleasing in the sight of God.
I was still busy helping my family and she was busy with her duties for the Lord, but we saw each other on a regular basis. A connection and a bond began to develop between us. I was beginning to feel that I needed her and I couldnt live without her.
Towards the end of that year, lo and behold, a wave of negative media coverage about the Family struck! Though it wasnt very severe, compared to some of the persecution that the Family has suffered in recent years, there were some slanderous newspaper articles published that promoted untrue stories about the Family. When I read the articles I was furious! It greatly upset me that outrageous, outright lies were being written about people whom I personally knew were not like the newspapers said they were!
People often take whatever the newspapers say at face value. We look at the reports as news, as factual accounts, events that actually took place. However, this time I could see clearly that the media was demeaning and speaking lies about the Family! I considered myself their close friend, and someone who knew quite a bit about their inner workings. I seriously believed many of their doctrinesand I certainly knew they werent a "sex cult." I knew that all of the things the newspapers were accusing them of were either grossly exaggerated or completely unfounded.
I knew that an injustice was being done, and it was then that I began to stand up for the truth and the Family. I couldnt bear what was being done to people who believed in Jesus and believed in helping others and sharing Gods love with others. I began to speak up on behalf of the Family. I went to that newspaper and submitted the Familys rebuttal. I also went to a competing newspaper and gave them the rebuttal as well, which they printed. I felt for once I was standing up for something that was right. It make me feel good, and I was happy to be able to do something for those who had done so much for me and others.
I was beginning to see the purpose and value of my life, that it was no longer to live for myself ... it was to be used by Jesus to help the world.
Time passed quickly, and the end of the year drew near. I had to start preparing for my studies in the U.S. It was then that it dawned on me that I would have to make a decision whether to carry on living for myself, so to speak, or to give my life to the Lord and others. It was a very difficult situation, because by now I had come to accept and fully believe what the Family stood for, as taught by the Bible and the MO Letters.
It was very liberating to see, through the Familys work, how simply people could be led to the Savior, and that by receiving Jesus into their hearts and lives, they were forgiven for their sins and freed from having to do penance or worry about whether they were going to go to Heaven or not.
So I was faced with one of the most difficult decisions of my life! In my heart, I couldnt bear to leave Kirsty and the Family, when I knew they were the reason my life had changed.
I was beginning to see the purpose and value of my life, that it was no longer to live for myself or for the very few people I knew and loved and cared for, but somehow it was to be used by Jesus to help the world.
For a whole week, I wrestled with the decision. I was tossed to and fro by thought and emotions. I cried. I prayed. I agonized. I dont think I could have found the strength to leave the life that I was living and dedicate my life to full-time service for Jesus, if Kirsty had not been there to encourage me. She didnt push me in my decision, she simply pointed me to the Bible and reminded me that the world had a great need.
As Jesus said, "The harvest truly is plenteous but the laborers are few" (Matthew 9:37-38). Those ringing words that Jesus spoke captured my heart. It was then that I made a decision to come into full-time service for Jesus with the Family. I acknowledged to my Lord and Savior that my life had not been as full or as satisfying as Id hoped it would be. I came to the realization that I had a more important purpose in my life. I believed I needed to give my life in service for the Lord.
Kirsty and I were married and continued our loving relationship as a couple in Gods service together in the Family. I began to study, memorize and go out witnessing, telling people about the Good News, the life-saving words of Jesus. Kirsty and I grew and matured in the Lord together. After having been together for some years, we both felt a different calling for our lives. At that time we got together in prayer and asked the Lord to show us what His highest will was for both of us. We were led to go on to different fields to continue in full-time service for Jesus in the Family.
Flirty Fishing was a sacrificial, humble ministry of giving ones life to another, so that someone else could find the Lord and have purpose and a life of happiness.
It has now been 15 years since that day when I decided to serve the Lord. I dont believe I would have ever had the courage to make that decision if it had not been for the faith and love of Jesus that I saw in Kirsty and the Family, and their willingness to share it with me. I feel privileged to be called to lay down my life in order to bring joy and happiness and truth to this world in the name of Jesus Christ. I did not know how to love. I was taught how to love. I did not know how to give love. I was given love. I did not understand love, but I saw real love with my own eyes, real dedication, real sacrifice. Flirty Fishing was for the benefit of others. It was to make others happy and give them true love from God.
Thats what Flirty Fishing was all about. It was a sacrificial, humble ministry of giving ones life to another, so that someone else could find the Lord and have purpose and a life of happiness. Flirty Fishing certainly was the ultimate manifestation of the Lords love in human form that I was privileged to experience. I count it a blessing in my life. I would not be living for the Lord today if that dear sweet woman, Kirsty, the Lords flirty little fish, had not been willing to go all the way to lay down her life for me, like Jesus did for us all!
Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family