RELATIONS WITH PEOPLE
Includes: Leadership, Leaders & Shepherds.
Related Topics: Anger, Appreciation, Arguments, Compassion, Correction, Counselling, Encouragement, Enthusiasm & Inspiration, Friendship, Kindness & Courtesy, Love, Love for Others, Speech.
1. TEN COMMANDMENTS OF HUMAN RELATIONS:
1) Speak to people. There is nothing as nice as a cheerful word of greeting.
2) Smile at people. It takes 72 muscles to frown; 14 to smile.
3) Call people by name. The sweetest music is the sound of his own name.
4) Be friendly & helpful.
5) Be cordial. Speak & act as if everything you do is a genuine pleasure.
6) Be genuinely interested in people. You can like everybody if you try.
7) Be generous with praise--cautious with criticism.
8) Be considerate of the feelings of others. It will be appreciated.
9) Be thoughtful of the opinions of others. There are three sides to a controversy--yours, the other fellow's, & the right one.
10) Be alert to give service. What counts most in life is what we do for others.
2. Once a king dreamed that all his teeth had fallen out. Immediately he sent for one of his soothsayers to interpret the meaning of the vision. With a sad countenance & mournful voice, the soothsayer told the monarch that the dream meant that all his relatives would die & that he would be left alone. This angered the king & he drove the servant from his presence.
Another was called & the king told him of the dream. At this, the wise man smiled, & replied, "Rejoice, O King; the dream means that you will live yet many years. In fact you will outlive all your relatives." This pleased the king a great deal, & in his joy he gave the interpreter a rich reward. The two men had said, in different ways, the same thing.
3. Years ago Gerald Stanley Lee told about an American employer in Mexico who was driven almost crazy by the dilatory actions of his workmen on a construction job. They were paid a daily wage to wheel loads of dirt to a dump. They worked as if engaged in a slow race. When he figured out what it was worth to haul & dump, he paid each workman for each wheelbarrow load dumped. After that he had trouble keeping the men from working themselves to death.
4. Never try to make anyone like yourself--you know, & God knows, that one of you is enough!--Ralph Waldo Emerson.
5. While visiting the Oregon Caves National Monument, we hoped to get some rock samples--until we heard the following introduction from a cave tour guide: "I hope you enjoy our trek through the caves. I must ask you not to destroy or take any of the rock formations. Actually, we have had very little trouble with this. I don't know if it's because of our visitors' great love for nature, their desire for the preservation of the caves, or their respect for the $500 fine."
6. THE SIX MOST IMPORTANT WORDS:
"I admit I made a mistake."
THE FIVE MOST IMPORTANT WORDS:
"You did a good job," or "I am proud of you!"
THE FOUR MOST IMPORTANT WORDS:
"What is your opinion?"
THE THREE MOST IMPORTANT WORDS:
"I love you."
THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT WORDS:
"Thank you."
THE MOST IMPORTANT WORD:
"We."
THE LEAST IMPORTANT WORD:
"I."
7. A careless word may kindle strife.
A cruel word may wreck a life.
A bitter word may hate instill;
A brutal word may smite & kill,
A gracious word may smooth the way;
A joyous word may light the day.
A timely word may lessen stress;
A loving word may heal & bless.
8. The late Dr. A. T. Pierson told the following story of General Robert E. Lee. Hearing General Lee speak in the highest terms to President Davis about a certain officer, another officer, greatly astonished, said to him. "General, do you not know that the man of whom you spoke so highly to the President is one of your bitterest enemies, & misses no opportunity to malign you?" "Yes," replied General Lee, "but the President asked my opinion of him, & I gave him a true answer, he did not ask his opinion of me."
9. The World measures a man's greatness by the number who serve him. Heaven's yardstick measures a man by the number who are served by him.
10. They said, "Dr. Wesley, what do you do when you've got a mixed audience, some nothing but little children & then there's these great doctors of the law & doctors of religion, who are you going to preach to in a case like that?" He said, "I preach to the children, of course, then all of them will understand it."--Dad
11. It is easy to mistake curiosity for spiritual hunger.
12. It's difficult to inspire others to accomplish what you haven't been willing to try.
13. People make enemies by complaining too much to their friends.
14. There is no place like home--where we are treated the best & grumble the most.
15. Formula for tact: Be brief, politely; be aggressive, smilingly; be emphatic, pleasantly; be positive, diplomatically; be right, graciously.
16. Deal with the faults of others as gently as you do with your own.
17. Criticism from a friend is better than flattery from an enemy.
18. If you would like to flatter somebody, just look serious & ask them what they think of the general situation.
19. More people are flattered into virtue than bullied out of vice.
20. Insincere praise is worse than no praise at all.
21. After a good meal one can forgive anybody, even one's relatives.
22. Frankness doesn't require being brutally so.
23. All some people need to make them happy is a change--& most of the time that's all a baby needs.
24. Promises are like crying babies in church--they should be carried out immediately.
25. It is easier to cope with out-&-out enemies than with deceptive friends.
26. Be kind to unkind people--they need it the most.
27. The business of a leader is to turn weakness into strength, obstacles into stepping stones, & disaster into triumph.
28. The weakness of a man is the thing to be feared, not his strength.
29. There are many tears in the heart that never reach the eye.
30. Most of our suspicion of others is aroused by a knowledge of ourselves.
31. If you insist on perfection, make the first demand on yourself.
32. The difference between antiques & junk depends on who's selling what to whom.
33. The cow knows she has to be milked, but she will give her milk more freely when treated with kindness.
34. Be kind. Every person you meet is fighting a difficult battle.
35. Kindness pays most when you don't do it for pay.
36. Never judge a man's actions until you know his motives.
37. A gentle Quaker, hearing a strange noise in his house one night, got up & discovered a burglar busily at work. So he went & got his gun, then came back & stood quietly in the doorway. "Friend," he said, "I would do thee no harm for the world, but thee standest where I am about to shoot."
38. They gave him twenty minutes
but he finished up in ten.
Oh, there's prince of speakers
& servant unto men.
His diction wasn't such a much,
he hemmed & hawed a bit;
But still he spoke a lot of sense,
& after that--he quit.
At first we sat plumb paralyzed,
then cheered & cheered again;
For they gave him twenty minutes
& he finished up in ten.
39. Gunter Schmidt, told of an employee in the food store he managed who was negligent about putting the proper price tags on the shelves where the items were displayed. This caused confusion & customer complaints. Reminders, admonitions, confrontations with her about this did not do much good. Finally, Mr. Schmidt called her into his office & told her he was appointing her Supervisor of Price Tag Posting for the entire store & she would be responsible for keeping all of the shelves properly tagged. This new responsibility & title changed her attitude completely, & she fulfilled her duties satisfactorily from then on.--Dale Carnegie
40. Charm is the ability to make someone else think that both of you are pretty wonderful.
41. New York (UPI) -- There are crooks for hire these days who get caught for a price.
They steal without worrying about jail. In fact, they are not punished at all. The people at T.H.E.F.T. specialise in crooks. For a fee described as moderate, they will loan you one in any size, shape & age you choose.
A thief is "hired" with as much fanfare as any other new employee. He spends a few days blending into the regular work force, then is caught stealing. With a great deal of shouting & screaming; he gets fired & the other employees get the message.
"Our people are prepared to take as much scolding & humiliation as the employer may see fit to use." said Rae Wilder, founder & director of T.H.E.F.T. (The Honest Employees Fooling Thieves) which she runs out of her home in Bayshore, Long Island.
"Hire someone to fire," is the young firm's motto.
"The idea is that it's much better for the employer to fire an undercover employee for stealing & get the message across that way rather than lose an otherwise valuable employee.
"Say you discover that an employee you've had for 20 years is doing some stealing from your supplies or inventory. You can reprimand that person, but he'll just get belligerent. With our system, you can show him you mean business & still not lose his experience," Miss Wilder said.
The thieves Miss Wilder lines up are mostly unemployed actors, who present themselves in a variety of ways ranging from teen-aged summer help to elderly part-timers.
"It started out as just a silly remark, but the more I thought about it, the more potential I saw," she said.
42. If a man sleeps under my preaching, I do not send a boy to wake him up; but I feel that a boy had better come and wake me up.
43. "I've made up my mind what we'll call the baby," the young mother announced. "We'll call her Eulalia." The father did not care for this choice but he was shrewd. "That's fine," he said. "The first girl I loved was named Eulalia, & it will evoke pleasant memories." The wife was silent for a moment. "We'll call her Mary after my mother," she said.
44. Some years ago a harness dealer had a customer who picked out a fancy saddle for his pony & said, "I'll take it. Please charge it."
After the customer had left, the proprietor asked his bookkeeper to charge the customer with the purchase.
"To whom?" asked the bookkeeper.
"Don't YOU know him?" replied the proprietor.
"No," answered the bookkeeper.
"Well," said the proprietor, "only 12 men have ponies in town--send them all a bill." The bookkeeper did. Three of them paid.
45. "But, Sir, that's the wrong way to spell 'paint'," said the apprentice to his employer.
"Yes, I know," rejoined the other, "but I have a reason for spelling it that way."
He then explained that when he wrote the usual "Wet Paint" sign, passers-by paid little heed & often ruined their clothes, but "Wet Pent" would catch their attention, & while they might laugh at the ignorance of the painter, they remembered to keep away from danger.
46. A preacher who was popular with his congregation explained his success as the result of a silent prayer he offered each time he entered the pulpit. It went like this: "Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, & nudge me when I've said enough!"
47. A Canadian butcher, many of whose customer's accounts were in bad standing, put a sign in his window: "This business will soon close because of bad debts. Names & amounts will be posted here." The business is now thriving.
48. Residents of a little village were perturbed because motorists sped through their town at dangerously high speeds, paying no attention to the neat "Drive Slowly" sign posted at the entrance. Finally they dragged a badly wrecked car to the spot & added to the sign the words, "This Might Happen to You." The effect was tremendous.
49. On the back of an envelope found among his effects after his death in a plane crash, former Atomic Energy Commission Chairman, Gordon Dean, had scrawled:
1) Never lose your capacity for enthusiasm.
2) Never lose your capacity for indignation at the right time & place.
3) Never judge people, don't type them too quickly; but in a pinch always first assume that a man is good & that at worst he is in the gray area between good & bad.
4) If you can't be generous when it's hard, you won't be when it's easy.
5) The greatest builder of confidence is the ability to do something--almost anything--well.
6) When that confidence comes, then strive for humility; you aren't as good as all that.
7) And the way to become truly useful is to seek the best that other brains have to offer. Use them to supplement your own, & give credit to them when they have helped.
8) The greatest tragedies in world & personal events stem from misunderstanding.
50. The head has not heard until the heart has listened.
51. When William Ewart Gladstone was Chancellor of the Exchequer, he sent down to the Treasury for certain statistics upon which to base his budget proposals. The statistician made a mistake. But Gladstone was so sure of this man's accuracy that he did not take time to verify his figures. He went before the House of Commons & made his speech, basing his appeal on the incorrect figures that had been given him. His speech was no sooner published than the newspaper exposed its glaring inaccuracies.
Mr. Gladstone was naturally overwhelmed with embarrassment. He went to his office & sent at once for the statistician who was responsible for his humiliating situation. The man came full of fear & shame, certain that he was going to lose his position. But instead, Gladstone said: "I know how much you must be disturbed over what has happened, & I have sent for you to put you at your ease. For a long time you have been engaged in handling the intricacies of the national accounts, & this is the first mistake that you have made. I want to congratulate you, & express to you my keen appreciation." It took a big man to do that, big with the bigness of the truly merciful.
52. The new minister's family was presented with a pie baked by one of the congregation who was a rather poor cook. The pie was inedible, so the minister's wife reluctantly threw it in the garbage. The preached was faced with the problem of thanking the lady, while at the same time being truthful. After much thought, he sent the following note: "Dear Mrs. Jones: Thank you for being so kind & thoughtful. That was SOME pie you made! I can assure you that pie like yours never lasts long at our house!"
53. On a sightseeing trip on Florida's West coast, my husband & I visited an old mansion. In the exquisitely furnished master bedroom, we were surprised to see signs on the bedspread & curtains reading: "WASH HANDS IMMEDIATELY AFTER TOUCHING." We admired the furnishings from a safe distance, but our curiosity was aroused; so, on leaving, I decided to ask the guard if the fabric had been treated with some harmful preserving chemical. "Oh, no, ma'am," he said, grinning. "There's nothing on 'em. We just never did have much luck with the 'Do Not Touch' signs."
54. James L. Hayes, head of American Management Association, after nearly 40 years in management education, gives the following "Hints for Getting Along With Workers":
1) Be people-conscious. Create a climate that will lead to job satisfaction in your company or organisation.
2) Tell workers exactly what you expect from them.
3) Be a good listener.
4) Have a two-way door. Encourage employees to come to your office but also get out to where people work.
5) Be patient. Realise that bringing workers along in their job takes time.
6) Give your employees not only problems to deal with but opportunities to grow.
7) Keep your promises. Credibility creates trust.
8) Be a problem preventer, not a problem solver.
9) Tell the truth.
10) Pass the pride along. Show prompt appreciation for good ideas & good performance.
55. The modern Greeks, who long have been concerned about how to save the ruins of the Parthenon from ultimate destruction by souvenir-seeking tourists, have hit upon a brilliant idea which is working admirably, according to reports. Every night a load of cracked marble is brought from nearby quarries & scattered about the ruins. This permits tourists to steal all the souvenir marble they want without doing any damage to the Parthenon itself!
56. Said George Elliot, "Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact!"
57. H. Gordon Selfridge built up one of the world's largest department stores in London. He achieved success by being a leader, not a boss. Here is his own comparison of the two types of executives:
The boss drives his men; the leader coaches them.
The boss depends upon authority; the leader on good will.
The boss inspires fear; the leader inspires enthusiasm.
The boss says "I"; the leader, "We."
The boss fixes the blame for the breakdown; the leader fixes the breakdown.
The boss knows how it is done; the leader shows how.
The boss says "Go"; the leader says "Let's go!"
58. One day while passing a house of ill fame, Socrates, the famous Greek thinker, noticed one of his students inside. Stepping to the doorway, Socrates called out to his disciple. The latter hid himself, as Adam did when he committed the first sin. However, the youth finally had to show himself. His face was crimson with shame. He hung his head, expecting a stern rebuke from his teacher. But Socrates spoke in the tones of a true father:
"Come forth, my son, I pray you, come forth! To leave this house is not disgraceful; the only disgraceful thing was to have entered it."
59. When we're AFRAID, we say we're cautious. When others are afraid we say they're cowardly.
60. When asked how she made her soft voice heard above the notorious roars of her husband & eight sons, Rider Haggard's delicate little mother replied: "That's very simple. I whisper. In the Haggard family a whisper is so unusual that everyone listens to it with profound surprise."
61. Disraeli, in conversation with a friend, disclosed the secret of his ascendancy in royal favour. "When talking with the Queen," he said, "I observe a simple rule of conduct; I never deny; I never contradict; I sometimes forget."
62. Samuel Gompers, founder of the US Labour Movement: "Doing for people what they can & ought to do for themselves is a dangerous experiment. In the last analysis, the welfare of the workers depends upon their own initiative. Whatever is done under the guise of philanthropy or social morality which in any way lessens initiative is the greatest crime that can be committed against the toilers."
63. Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
64. Some of the best preaching is done by holding the tongue.
65. We all agree that the nicest people in the world are those who minimise our faults & magnify our virtues.
66. The two most beautiful words in the English language are, "Cheque Enclosed." It's another way of saying, "I love you."
67. Words are seductive & dangerous material & should be used with caution.
68. An outstanding teacher is one who possesses the ability to express himself so simply that the unlearned can say, "I can understand him perfectly."
69. Hitler swayed people with three rules: Make it simple, say it often, & make it burn.
70. If I can give a man a thought, I've helped him, but if I can make him think, I've done him a service.
71. Some things come out better without our help ... like a bud opening into a beautiful flower.
72. Diplomacy is the knack of letting the other fellow have your way.
73. The chief hazard of jumping to conclusions is the high percentage of misses.
74. The best way to win an argument with a woman is to hit her over the head with a new mink coat.
75. Before arguing with your boss, make absolutely sure you're right--then let the matter drop.
76. If there's anything small, shallow, or ugly about a person, giving him a little authority will bring it out.
77. Nobody has never been bored by someone paying them a compliment.
78. It is much better to "walk your talk," than to "talk your walk."
79. Gentle words fall lightly, but they have a great weight.
80. We naturally admire the wisdom & good judgement of those who come to us for advice.
81. Always listen to the advice of others--it won't do you any harm, & it will make them feel better.
82. The real spirit of conversation consists in building on another man's observation, not overturning it.
83. You never get a second chance to make a good first impression.
84. When the other fellow is set in his ways, he is "stubborn." When I am, I have "firm convictions."
85. Pass no sentence which you cannot ask God in faith to confirm.
86. Reproofs should be as oils or ointments, gently rubbed in by the warm fire of love.--George Swinnock
87. Some men would receive blows with more patience if they were given them with more prudence.
88. The Duke of Windsor tells about his first attempts at public speaking after he became the Prince of Wales:
"The more appearances I had to make, the more I came to respect the really first-class speech as one of the highest human accomplishments. No one I knew seemed to possess that rare & envied gift of speaking well in so high a degree as Mr. Winston Churchill, who was a sympathetic witness of some of my earliest attempts. 'If you have an important point to make,' he advised, 'don't try to be subtle & clever about it. Use the pile-driver. Hit the point once, & then come back & hit it again, & then hit it the third time, a tremendous whack!"
89. "If thine enemy hunger, feed him." (Rom.12:20)
Clerk Donni LaSaw of the Mini Mart in Vancouver's West End did just that on July 24 when a would-be bandit walked into the food store & ordered her to hand over the contents of the till. As she opened the till, she asked, "Is $25 really worth a police record?"
When the young man replied that a man must eat, she suggested, "Rather than me phoning the police over $25, I'll give you a sandwich & a couple of apples."
The man agreed that it sounded like a better idea & ate the goods.
90. Arthur Brisbane, the newspaper editor, was heard telling his best cartoonist, Windsor McKay, that he was the second greatest cartoonist in the world.
A reporter standing nearby, his curiosity aroused, asked Brisbane who was first.
"I don't know," said Brisbane. "But it keeps McKay on his toes."
91. In the course of his pastoral visitations, Rev. Dr. Chalmers called upon a worthy shoemaker who, in recounting his blessings, said that he & his family had lived happily together for 30 years without a single quarrel. This was too much for the doctor, who struck his cane on the floor & exclaimed; "Terribly monotonous man! Terribly monotonous!"
92. There is a tradition to the effect that Noel Coward sent identical notes to the 20 most prominent men in London, saying, "All is discovered. Escape while you can." All twenty abruptly left town.
93. "Eternity" Magazine once told of a sidewalk flower vendor who was doing very little business. Suddenly a happy thought struck him, & he put up this sign: "Buy a gardenia; it will make you feel important all day long!" Almost immediately his sales began to increase. People love to feel inflated, for their innermost nature thrives on any attention that caters to their pride.
94. Two members of a church disagreed over a trivial matter. The disagreement hardened into ill will & hatred. A mutual friend became distressed about the situation. "I'm going to be a peacemaker & do what I can to heal the breach between my friends," he said to himself. He called on his friend Brown first & asked him, "What do you think of my friend Thompson?"
"Think of him?" flashed Brown. "He is contemptible in my sight!"
"But," said the peacemaker, "you must admit he is very kind to his family."
"Yes, that's true. He is kind to his family."
Next day, the peacemaker called to see his friend Thompson. "Do you know what Brown said about you?"
"No, but I can imagine the dirty, unkind things he would say about me!"
"Well, said the peacemaker, "he said that you are very kind to your family!"
"What! Did he say that?" exclaimed Thompson.
"He surely did. NOW, what do you think of Thompson?"
"I think he is a scamp & a rascal," said Brown.
"But," said the peacemaker, "you will have to admit that he is an honest man."
"Yes, he is honest, but what has that to do with it?"
The next day the peacemaker called on Thompson & said, "Do you know that Brown said that you are a very honest man?"
"You don't mean it," said Thompson.
"I do mean it. I heard him say it with my own ears!"
The next Sunday, Brown & Thompson sat together in church, rejoicing in each other's fellowship!
95. Some years ago two brothers, running a general store in a country town, were perplexed by the discovery that many small items on their shelves were gone, though an inventory showed that they had not been sold. The brothers drew their conclusions, & for some time sought a solution to the problem, & finally one of them hit upon a plan. They climbed up into the attic above the store & bored a hole in the ceiling. And then each of them took turns watching through the hole, while the other waited on the trade. What they discovered about some of the townspeople was amazing!
However, no open accusations were made; instead, they simply dropped the gentle hint around that there was a hole in the ceiling. Almost immediately the pilfering ceased! But occasionally the brothers noticed with amusement some casual shopper strolling about the store suddenly shifting his eyes toward the ceiling, & this somewhat guiltily.
96. When Benjamin Franklin wished to interest the people of Philadelphia in street lighting, he didn't try to persuade them by talking about it; instead, he hung a beautiful lantern on a long bracket before his own door. Then he kept the glass brightly polished, & carefully & religiously lit the wick every evening at the approach of dusk. It wasn't long before Franklin's neighbours began placing lights in brackets before their homes, & soon the entire city awoke to the value of street lighting & took up the matter with interest & enthusiasm.
97. A food processing firm marketed a cake mix which required that the housewife add only water to produce a creamy batter & fine cake. The company could not understand why the mix would not sell, until special research revealed the public felt uneasy about a mix that required only water. It seemed too simple. They felt they themselves had to do something to a cake mix. So the company changed the formula & required the housewife to add an egg. Immediately, the mix achieved great success.
98. Visiting in his parish one afternoon, a clergyman friend of mine knocked at the door of a church member but received no response. He was annoyed because he could hear footsteps & knew the mother of the family must be there. The pastor left his calling card, writing on it: "Revelations 3:20. Behold, I stand at the door & knock; if any man hear My voice, & open the door, I will come in to him."
The next Sunday, as the parishioners filed out of the church after the service, the woman who had refused to answer the door greeted the pastor & handed him her card, with Genesis 3:10 written on it. Later the pastor looked up the passage: "I heard Thy voice in the garden, & I was afraid, because I was naked; & I hid myself."
99. In case you don't know what a bellwether is, it is a strong leading sheep which the others always follows, & which always follows the shepherd!--So a bell is hung around its neck so the other sheep will hear it & always know where it is, so they can follow it--& it always follows the shepherd, so this helps keep the whole flock together. Are you a bellwether? Do you follow the shepherd & lead the sheep to follow Him? If so, you're a great help to your shepherd!--Dad
100. John Smith is still the most common name in the United States. It was for that reason that Mark Twain dedicated his story of "The Celebrated Jumping Frog" to John Smith, "who I have known in diverse & sundry places & whose many & manifold virtues did always command my esteem." Twain figured that anyone to whom a book is dedicated would be sure to buy at least one copy, & since there were thousands of John Smiths, his book would be assured of at least a modest sale.
101. "One mistake of young men is their failure to cultivate their seniors", commented Ferdinand Foch, marshal of France during the 1st World War. "Every young man should know well at least one old man to whom he can go when he wants the teachings of experience rather than mere sympathy."
102. There is a too-human tendency to make friends among those who are not quite up to our own par. This is a comforting thing to do, since it enables us to feel superior to our associates, but it handicaps us, since we can learn nothing from those who produce less than we do. Friends who are doers, whose accomplishments are superior to our own, can challenge us away from the detours.
103. Whom God appoints He anoints.
104. A travelling salesman was anxious to gain admission to the office of a prominent industrialist, the establishing of business relations with whom would be the highlight of his whole trip. But the man in question was difficult to see. Entering his outer office, he gave his card to the secretary. It was taken within &, through the partly opened door, the salesman saw the executive tear it in half & throw it into the waste basket. The secretary returned meanwhile & stated that her employer would not see him.
"May I have my card back?" asked the salesman. Slightly embarrassed, the secretary reported to her superior who sent her back out again with a nickel & a message that he was sorry, but the card had been destroyed. More than equal to the occasion, the salesman drew another card from his wallet & gave it to girl. "Take this back to him," he said, "and tell him I sell two cards for a nickel."
He got his interview & he got his order.
105. When Professor Rudolf Virchano, famous German scientist, criticised Bismarck severely in his capacity as Chancellor, Bismarck challenged him to a duel. "Well, well," said the scientist to the Iron Chancellor's seconds, "as I am the challenged party, I suppose I have the choice of weapons. Here they are." And he held up two large sausages which looked exactly alike.
"One of these," he continued, "is infected with the deadly germs of trichinosis, the other is perfectly sound. Let His Excellency do me the honour to choose whichever he wishes, & eat it. I will eat the other."
Within an hour the Iron Chancellor had decided to laugh the duel off.
106. The need to talk to someone finds its expression everything from friendly confidences, to the confessional, to the psychoanalyst. Recently it has been commercialised by an organisation calling itself, The Southern Listening Bureau of Little Rock, Arkansas.
Their advertisement proclaims: "We offer well-trained & experienced listeners who will hear you as long as you wish to talk, & without interruptions, for a nominal fee. As our listeners listen, their faces portray interest, pity, fellow feeling, understanding; where called for, they exhibit hate, hope, despair, sorrow or joy. Lawyers, politicians, club leaders, reformers can try their speeches on us. You may talk freely about your business or domestic problems without fear of having any confidence betrayed. Just let off steam into the discreet ears of our experts & feel better."
107. A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking so much, but a tactful man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.
108. People who supervise others have decisions to make every day. They range from minor incidents to vital problems--whether to reprimand someone for being five minutes late or to setting quotas on a production line. Each decision saps energy & requires effort. But they must be made. Otherwise management is failing to manage.
If an important policy or big sums are involved, take time to think, but not to tremble. Consider all the angles. Then if it's up to you, make the best decision you can & let the chips fall where they may. Your decisions will never be 100% correct; neither will those of your subordinates. If you want action, not indecision, make it clear that you don't expect perfection every time.
Good leaders want their managers to manage. They want action & a winning average--not perfection. They want an organisation that moves instead of one that rests on its laurels for fear of making mistakes.
109. The Chicago plant of the Western Electric Company had a complicated piecework method of computing wages. One old-timer had discovered a short cut for calculating the wages in his head. But he would not divulge his secret to the other pay clerks. He wanted to remain their indispensable man.
Walter Gifford was just out of college & had gone to work at the factory against his father's advice. Gifford thought if an old-timer could figure out the wages in his head then a chap with a college education should be able to, too. For several weeks Gifford spent his evenings trying to discover the short cut. Finally he hit on it. Gifford proceeded to make himself indispensable not by keeping the method a mystery but by teaching it to all the pay-roll clerks.
When a new manager was needed to the company's Omaha branch, the old-timer who had not trained others was overlooked. Instead, the job was given to Gifford. That was his first step upward. Other promotions came rapidly, & at 40 he was president of the American Telephone & Telegraph Company. Gifford got more things done because he trained others to do them for him.
110. Napoleon often resorted to a species of charlatanism to augment the enthusiasm of his troops. He would say to one of his aides-de-camp, "Ascertain from the colonel of such a regiment, whether he has in his corps a man, who has served in the campaigns of Italy, or the campaigns of Egypt. Ascertain his name, where he was born, the particulars of his family, & what he has done. Learn his number in the ranks, & to what company he belongs, & furnish me with the information."
On the day of the review Napoleon, at a single glance, could spot the man who had been described to him. He would go up to him as if he recognised him, address him by his name, & say--"Oh! So you are here! You are a brave fellow--I saw you at Aboukir--How is your old father? What! Have you not got the cross? Stay, I will give it you."
Then the delighted soldiers would say to each other, "You see, the Emperor knows us all; he knows our families; he knows where we have served." What a stimulus this was to soldiers whom he succeeded in persuading that they would all, sooner or later, become marshals of the Empire.
111. After the Russo-Japanese War, Admiral Togo, Commander of the victorious Japanese fleet, visited the United States & was cordially received. A state dinner was tendered him at which it fell to the lot of William Jennings Bryan, then Secretary of State, to propose a toast to Togo. Bryan, a staunch Prohibitionist, would not touch champagne, & it was feared that some diplomatic impasse might arise from the difficulty. Bryan, however, rose at the proper time, picked up his glass of water & said, "Admiral Togo has won a great victory on water, therefore I will toast him in water. When Admiral Togo wins a victory on champagne, I will toast him in champagne."
112. When God created even the very first two people, Adam & Eve, He had to right off the bat let them know who was the boss--Adam! "And her desire shall be unto her husband & he shall rule over her." (Gen.3:16) The man was to be the head of the home & the boss of the family. Here they were, the only people on Earth & yet already they had to get organised! Just with only two people, somebody had to be the boss!--Dad
113. Could you imagine what would happen to a battalion in the army if the officers leading it into battle suddenly turned around & ran? All the soldiers would run too, they'd follow, that's what they're supposed to do, follow their officers! Let that be a lesson to all of us.--Dad.
114. It's every king's problem to try to learn the truth from the people at the ground level. Many a king had to disguise himself as a peasant or labourer & go out alone or with a bodyguard to talk to the people themselves to find out the truth. He couldn't get the truth through his own superior officers who were giving him a completely distorted picture of what was going on, a rosy-glow scene which was not actually true.--Dad
115. Rules for how to win friends & influence people:
1) Don't criticise, condemn or complain.
2) Give honest, sincere appreciation.
3) Arouse in the other person an eager want.
4) Become genuinely interested in other people.
5) Make the other person feel important--& do it sincerely.
6) Show respect for the other man's opinions.
Never tell a man he is wrong.
7) Begin in a friendly way.
8) Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
9) Let the other fellow feel that the idea is his.
10) Appeal to the nobler motives.
11) Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
12) Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person.
13) Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
14) Let the other man save his face.
116. Does the grouch get richer quicker than the friendly sort of man?
Can the grumbler labour better than the cheerful fellow can?
Is the mean & churlish neighbour any cleverer than the one
Who shouts a glad "good morning", & then smiling passes on?
Just stop & think about it. Have you ever known or seen
A mean man who succeeded, just because he was so mean?
When you find a grouch with honours & with money in his pouch,
You can bet he didn't win them just because he was a grouch.
Oh, you'll not be any poorer if you smile along your way,
And your lot will not be harder for the kindly things you say.
Don't imagine you are wasting time for others that you spend:
You can rise to wealth & glory & still pause to be a friend.
117. The day was cold & bleak. Washington, leaving his headquarters, drew on his overcoat, turned up the collar, & pulled his hat down to shield his face from the biting wind. So covered was he that no one could have guessed that he was commander-in-chief of the army.
As he walked down the road to where the soldiers were fortifying a camp, he stopped to watch a small company of soldiers building a breastwork of logs. The men were tugging at a heavy log; a corporal, important & superior, stood at one side giving orders. "Up with it!" he cried. "Now all together! Push!" The men gave a great push all together, but it was too heavy, & just as it was nearly in place at the top of the pile, it slipped & fell back. The corporal shouted again, "Up with it, now! What ails you? Up with it, I say!"
The men tugged & strained again; the log nearly reached the top, slipped, & once more rolled back down. "Heave hard!" cried the corporal. "One, two, three! Now all together! Push!" Another struggle, & then just as the log was about to roll back for the third time, Washington rushed forward, pushed with all his strength, & the log rolled into place on top of the breastwork. The men, panting & perspiring, eagerly began to thank him, but he turned to the corporal.
"Why don't you help your men with this heavy lifting?" he asked. "Why don't I?" asked the man. "Don't you see I am a corporal?" "Indeed!" replied Washington, throwing open his greatcoat & showing his uniform. "I am only the commander-in-chief! Next time you have a log too heavy for your men to lift, send for me!"
118. Calling attention to one's mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism. Marge Jacob of Woonsocket, Rhode Island, told one of our classes how she convinced some sloppy construction workers to clean up after themselves when they were building additions to her house.
For the first few days of the work, when Mrs. Jacob returned from her job, she noticed that the yard was strewn with the cut ends of lumber. She didn't want to antagonise the builders, because they did excellent work. So after the workers had gone home, she & her children picked up & neatly piled all the lumber debris in a corner. The following morning she called the foreman to one side & said, "I'm really pleased with the way the front lawn was left last night; it is nice & clean & does not offend the neighbours." From that day forward the workers picked up & piled the debris to one side, & the foreman came in each day seeking approval of the condition the lawn was left in after a day's work.--Dale Carnegie
119. The effect of a smile is powerful--even when it is unseen. Telephone companies throughout the United States have a program called "phone power" which is offered to employees who use the telephone for selling their services or products. In this program they suggest that you smile when talking on the phone. Your "smile" comes through in your voice.
"I was desperately trying to recruit a Ph.D in computer science for my department. I finally located a young man with ideal qualifications who was about to be graduated from Purdue University. After several phone conversations I learned that he had several offers from other companies, many of them larger & better known than mine. I was delighted when he accepted my offer. After he started on the job, I asked him why he had chosen us over the others. He paused for a moment & then he said: 'I think it was because managers in the others companies spoke on the phone in a cold, business-like manner, which made me feel like just another business transaction. Your voice sounded as if you were glad to hear from me...that you really wanted me to be part of your organisation.' You can be assured, I am still answering my phone with a smile."--Dale Carnegie
120. Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word "but" & ending with a critical statement. For example, in trying to change a child's careless attitude toward studies, we might say, "We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. BUT if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better."
In this case, Johnnie might feel encouraged until he heard the word "but." He might then question the sincerity of the original praise. To him, the praise seemed only to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure. Credibility would be strained, & we probably would not achieve our objectives of changing Johnnie's attitude toward his studies.
This could be easily overcome by changing the word "but" to "&". "We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, & by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others."
Now, Johnnie would accept the praise because there was no follow-up of an inference of failure. We have called his attention to the behaviour we wished to change indirectly, & the chances are he will try to live up to our expectations.--Dale Carnegie
121. Mr. Duvernoy had been trying to sell bread to a certain New York hotel. He had called on the manager every week for four years. He went to the same social affairs the manager attended. He even took rooms in the hotel & lived there in order to get the business. But he failed.
"Then," said Mr. Duvernoy, "after studying human relations, I resolved to change my tactics. I decided to find out what interested this man--what caught his enthusiasm.
"I discovered he belonged to a society of hotel executives called the Hotel Greeters of America. He not only belonged, but his bubbling enthusiasm had made him president of the organisation, & president of the International Greeters. No matter where its conventions were held, he would be there.
"So when I saw him the next day, I began talking about the Greeters. What a response I got. What a response! He talked to me for half an hour about the Greeters, his tones vibrant with enthusiasm. I could plainly see that this society was not only his hobby, it was the passion of his life. Before I left his office, he had 'sold' me a membership in his organisation.
"In the meantime, I had said nothing about bread. But a few days later, the steward of his hotel phoned me to come over with samples & prices.
"'I don't know what you did to the old boy,' the steward greeted me, 'but he sure is sold on you!'
"Think of it! I had been drumming at that man for four years--trying to get his business--& I'd still be drumming at him if I hadn't finally taken the trouble to find out what he was interested in, & what he enjoyed talking about."--Dale Carnegie
122. One morning Dr. Martin Fitzhugh, a dentist in Dublin, Ireland, was shocked when one of his patients pointed out to him that the metal cup holder which she was using to rinse her mouth was not very clean. True, the patient drank from the paper cup, not the holder, but it certainly was not professional to use tarnished equipment.
When the patient left, Dr. Fitzhugh retreated to his private office to write a note to Bridgit, the charwoman, who came twice a week to clean his office. He wrote:
My dear Bridgit,
I see you so seldom, I thought I'd take the time to thank you for the fine job of cleaning you've been doing. By the way, I thought I'd mention that since two hours, twice a week, is a very limited amount of time, please feel free to work an extra half hour from time-to-time if you feel you need to do those "once-in-a-while" things like polishing the cup holders & the like. I, of course, will pay you for the extra time.
"The next day, when I walked into my office," Dr. Fitzhugh reported, "my desk had been polished to a mirror-like finish, as had my chair, which I nearly slid out of. When I went into the treatment room I found the shiniest, cleanest chrome-plated cup holder I had ever seen nestled in its receptacle. I had given my charwoman a fine reputation to live up to, & because of this small gesture she outperformed all her past efforts. How much additional time did she spend on this? That's right--none at all."
There is an old saying: "Give a dog a bad name & you may as well hang him." But give him a good name--& see what happens!--Dale Carnegie
123. One morning years ago, an angry customer stormed into the office of Julian F. Detmer, founder of the Detmer Woolen Company, which later became the world's largest distributor of woolens to the tailoring trade.
"This man owed us a small sum of money," Mr. Detmer explained to me. "The customer denied it, but we knew he was wrong. So our credit department had insisted that he pay. After getting a number of letters from our credit department, he packed his grip, made a trip to Chicago, & hurried into my office to inform me not only that he was not going to pay that bill, but that he was never going to buy another Dollar's worth of goods from the Detmer Woolen Company.
"I listened patiently to all he had to say. I was tempted to interrupt, but I realised that would be bad policy. So I let him talk himself out. When he finally simmered down & got in a receptive mood, I said quietly: 'I want to thank you for coming to Chicago to tell me about this. You have done me a great favor, for if our credit department has annoyed you, it may annoy other good customers, & that would be just too bad. Believe me, I am far more eager to hear this than you are to tell it.'
"That was the last thing in the world he expected me to say. I think he was a trifle disappointed, because he had come to Chicago to tell me a thing or two, but here I was thanking him instead of scrapping with him. I assured him we would wipe the charge off the books & forget it, because he was a very careful man with only one account to look after, while our clerks had to look after thousands. Therefore, he was less likely to be wrong than we were.
"I told him that I understood exactly how he felt & that, if I were in his shoes, I should undoubtedly feel precisely as he did. Since he wasn't going to buy from us anymore, I recommended some other woolen houses.
"In the past, we had usually lunched together when he came to Chicago, so I invited him to have lunch with me this day. He accepted reluctantly, but when we came back to the office he placed a larger order than ever before. He returned home in a softened mood &, wanting to be just as fair with us as we had been with him, looked over his bills, found one that had been mislaid, & sent us a cheque with his apologies.
"Later, when his wife presented him with a baby boy, he gave his son the middle name of Detmer, & he remained a friend & customer of the house until he death twenty-two years afterwards."--Dale Carnegie
124. Bob Hoover, a famous test pilot & frequent performer at air shows, was returning to his home in Los Angeles from an air show in San Diego. As described in the magazine Flight Operations, at three hundred feet in the air, both engines suddenly stopped. By deft maneuvering he managed to land the plane, but it was badly damaged although nobody was hurt.
Hoover's first act after the emergency landing was to inspect the airplane's fuel. Just as he suspected, the WW2 propeller plane he had been flying had been fueled with jet fuel rather than gasoline.
Upon returning to the airport, he asked to see the mechanic who had serviced his airplane. The young man was sick with the agony of his mistake. Tears streamed down his face as Hoover approached. He had just caused the loss of a very expensive plane & could have caused the loss of three lives as well.
You can imagine Hoover's anger. One could anticipate the tongue-lashing that this proud & precise pilot would unleash for that carelessness. But Hoover didn't scold the mechanic; he didn't even criticise him. Instead, he put his big arm around the man's shoulder & said, "To show you I'm sure that you'll never do this again, I want you to service my F-51 tomorrow."--Dale Carnegie
125. Years ago Patrick J. O'Haire joined one of my classes. He had had little education, & how he loved a scrap! He had once been a chauffeur, & he came to me because he had been trying, without much success, to sell trucks. A little questioning brought out the fact that he was continually scrapping with & antagonising the very people he was trying to do business with. If a prospect said anything derogatory about the trucks he was selling, Pat saw red & was right at the customer's throat. Pat won a lot of arguments in those days. As he said to me afterward, "I often walked out of an office saying: 'I told that bird something.' Sure I had told him something, but I hadn't sold him anything."
My first problem was not to teach Patrick J. O'Haire to talk. My immediate task was to train him to refrain from talking & to avoid verbal fights.
Mr. O'Haire became one of the star salesmen for the White Motor Company in New York. How did he do it? Here is his story in his own words: "If I walk into a buyer's office now & he says: 'What? A White truck? They're no good! I wouldn't take one if you gave it to me. I'm going to buy the Whose-It truck,' I say, 'The Whose-It is a good truck. If you buy the Whose-It, you'll never make a mistake. The Whose-Its are made by a fine company & sold by good people.'
"He is speechless then. There is no room for an argument. If he says the Whose-It is best & I say sure it is, he has to stop. He can't keep on all afternoon saying, 'It's the best' when I'm agreeing with him. We then get off the subject of Whose-It & I begin to talk about the good points of the White Truck.
"There was a time when a remark like his first one would have made me see scarlet & red & orange. I would start arguing against the Whose-It; & the more I argued against it, the more my prospect argued in favour of it; & the more he argued, the more he sold himself on my competitor's product.
"As I look back now I wonder how I was ever able to sell anything. I lost years of my life in scrapping & arguing. I keep my mouth shut now. It pays."
As wise old Ben Franklin used to say: If you argue & rankle & contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent's good will. Dale Carnegie
126. How is one going to get these desirable "yes-responses" at the very outset? Fairly simple, "My way of opening & winning an argument," confided Lincoln, "is to first find a common ground of agreement." Lincoln found it even when he was discussing the highly inflammable subject of slavery. "For the first half hour," declared The Mirror, a neutral paper reporting one of his talks, "his opponents would agree with every word he uttered. From that point he began to lead them off, little by little, until it seemed as if he had got them all into his fold."--Dale Carnegie
127. I often went fishing up in Maine during the Summer. Personally I am very fond of strawberries & cream, but I have found that for some strange reason, fish prefer worms. So when I went fishing, I didn't think about what I wanted. I thought about what they wanted. I didn't bait the hook with strawberries & cream. Rather, I dangled a worm or a grasshopper in front of the fish & said, "Wouldn't you like to have that?"
Why not use the same common sense when fishing for people?
That is what Lloyd George, Great Britain's Prime Minister during WW1 did. When someone asked him how he managed to stay in power after the other wartime leaders--Wilson, Orlando & Clemenceau--had been forgotten, he replied that if his staying on top might be attributed to any one thing, it would be to his having learned that it was necessary to bait the hook to suit the fish.--Dale Carnegie
128. Frederick S. Parsons, an income tax consultant, had been disputing & wrangling for an hour with a government tax inspector. An item of nine thousand dollars was at stake. Mr. Parsons claimed that this nine thousand dollars was in reality a bad debt, that it would never be collected, that it ought not to be taxed. "Bad debt, my eye!" retorted the inspector. "It must be taxed."
"This inspector was cold, arrogant & stubborn," Mr. Parsons said as he told the story to the class. "Reason was wasted & so were facts...The longer we argued, the more stubborn he became. So I decided to avoid argument, change the subject, & give him appreciation.
"I said, 'I suppose this is a very petty matter in comparison with the really important & difficult decisions you're required to make. I've made a study of taxation myself. But I've had to get my knowledge from books. You are getting yours from the firing line of experience. I sometimes wish I had a job like yours. It would teach me a lot.' I meant every word I said.
"Well. The inspector straightened up in his chair, leaned back, & talked for a long time about his work, telling me of the clever frauds he had uncovered. His tone gradually became friendly, & presently he was telling me about his children. As he left, he advised me that he would consider my problem further & give me his decision in a few days.
"He called at my office three days later & informed me that he had decided to leave the tax return exactly as it was filed."
This tax inspector was demonstrating one of the most common of human frailties. He wanted a feeling of importance; & as long as Mr. Parsons argued with him, he got his feeling of importance by loudly asserting his authority. But as soon as his importance was admitted & the argument stopped & he was permitted to expand his ego, he became a sympathetic & kindly human being.--Dale Carnegie
129. Everyone who was ever a guest of Theodore Roosevelt was astonished at the range & diversity of his knowledge. Whether his visitor was a cowboy or a Rough Rider, a New York politician or a diplomat, Roosevelt knew what to say. And how was it done? The answer was simple. Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested.
For Roosevelt knew, as all leaders know, that the royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.--Dale Carnegie
130. Take the case of Eugene Wesson. He lost countless thousands of Dollars in commissions before he learned this truth. Mr. Wesson sold sketches for a studio that created designs for stylists & textile manufacturers. Mr. Wesson had called on one of the leading stylists in New York once a week, every week for three years. "He never refused to see me," said Mr. Wesson, "but he never bought. He always looked over my sketches very carefully & then said: 'No, Wesson, I guess we don't get together today.'"
After 150 failures, Wesson realised he must be in a mental rut, so he resolved to devote one evening a week to the study of influencing human behaviour, to help him develop new ideas & generate new enthusiasm.
He decided on this new approach. With half a dozen unfinished artists' sketches under his arm, he rushed over to the buyer's office. "I want you to do me a little favour, if you will," he said. "Here are some uncompleted sketches. Won't you please tell me how we could finish them up in such a way that you could use them?"
The buyer looked at the sketches for a while without uttering a word. Finally he said: "Leave these with me for a few days, Wesson, & then come back & see me."
Wesson returned three days later, got his suggestions, took the sketches back to the studio & had them finished according to the buyer's ideas. The result? All accepted.--Dale Carnegie
131. E. G. Dillistone, an engineer in Brandon, Manitoba, Canada, was having problems with his new secretary. Letters he dictated were coming to his desk for signature with two or three spelling mistakes per page. Mr. Dillistone reported how he handled this:
"Like many engineers, I have not been noted for my excellent English or spelling. For years I have kept a little black thumb-index book for words I had trouble spelling. When it became apparent that merely pointing out the errors was not going to cause my secretary to do more proofreading & dictionary work, I resolved to take another approach. When the next letter came to my attention that had errors in it, I sat down with the typist & said:
"Somehow this word doesn't look right. It's one of the words I always have had trouble with. That's the reason I started this spelling book of mine. (I opened the book to the appropriate page.) Yes, here it is. I'm very conscious of my spelling now because people do judge us by our letters & misspellings make us look less professional.'
"I don't know whether she copied my system or not, but since that conversation, her frequency of spelling errors has been significantly reduced."--Dale Carnegie
132. George B. Johnston of Enid, Oklahoma, is the safety coordinator for an engineering company. One of his responsibilities is to see that employees wear their hard hats whenever they are on the job in the field. He reported that whenever he came across workers who were not wearing hard hats, he would tell them with a lot of authority of the regulation & that they must comply. As a result he would get sullen acceptance, & often after he left, the workers would remove the hats.
He decided to try a different approach. The next time he found some of the workers not wearing their hard hat, he asked if the hats were uncomfortable or did not fit properly. Then he reminded the men in a pleasant tone of voice that the hat was designed to protect them from injury & suggested that it always be worn on the job. The result was increased compliance with the regulation with no resentment or emotional upset.--Dale Carnegie
133. David G. Smith of Eau Claire, Wisconsin, told one of our classes how he handled a delicate situation when he was asked to take charge of the refreshment booth at a charity concert.
"The night of the concert I arrived at the park & found two elderly ladies in a very bad humour standing next to the refreshment stand. Apparently each thought that she was in charge of this project. As I stood there pondering what to do, one of the members of the sponsoring committee appeared & handed me a cash box & thanked me for taking over the project. She introduced Rose & Jane as my helpers & then ran off.
"A great silence ensued. Realising that the cash box was a symbol of authority (of sorts), I gave the box to Rose & explained that I might not be able to keep the money straight & that if she took care of it I would feel better. I then suggested to Jane that she show two teenagers who had been assigned to refreshments how to operate the soda machine, & I asked her to be responsible for that part of the project.
"The evening was very enjoyable with Rose happily counting the money, Jane supervising the teenagers, & me enjoying the concert."
You don't have to wait until you are ambassador to France or chairman of the Clambake Committee of your lodge before you use this philosophy of appreciation. You can work magic with it almost every day.--Dale Carnegie
134. When Ian Macdonald of Johannesburg, South Africa, the general manager of a small manufacturing plant specialising in precision machine parts, had the opportunity to accept a very large order, he was convinced that he would not meet the promised delivery date. The work already scheduled in the shop & the short completion time needed for this order made it seem impossible for him to accept the order.
Instead of pushing his people to accelerate their work & rush the order through, he called everybody together, explained the situation to them, & told them how much it would mean to the company & to them if they could make it possible to produce the order on time. Then he started asking questions:
"Is there anything we can do to handle this order?"
"Can anyone think of different ways to process it through the shop that will make it possible to take the order?"
"Is there any way to adjust our hours or personnel assignments that would help?"
The employees came up with many ideas & insisted that he take the order. They approached it with a "We can do it" attitude, & the order was accepted, produced & delivered on time.--Dale Carnegie
135. The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, & self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.
136. Shortly after the close of WW1, I learned an invaluable lesson one night in London. I was manager at the time for Sir Ross Smith. During the war, Sir Ross had been the Australian ace out in Palestine; & shortly after peace was declared, he astonished the World by flying halfway around it in 30 days. No such feat had ever been attempted before. It created a tremendous sensation. The Australian government awarded him $50,000; the King of England knighted him; &, for a while, he was the most talked-about man under the Union Jack. I was attending a banquet one night given in Sir Ross's honour; & during the dinner, the man sitting next to me told a humorous story which hinged on the quotation, "There's a divinity that shapes our ends, rough-hew them how we will."
The raconteur mentioned that the quotation was from the Bible. He was wrong. I knew that. I knew it positively. There couldn't be the slightest doubt about it. And so, to get a feeling of importance & display my superiority, I appointed myself as an unsolicited & unwelcome committee of one to correct him. He stuck to his guns. What? From Shakespeare? Impossible! Absurd! That quotation was from the Bible. And he knew it.
The storyteller was sitting on my right; & Frank Gammond, an old friend of mine, was seated at my left. Mr. Gammond had devoted years to the study of Shakespeare. So the storyteller & I agreed to submit the question to Mr. Gammond. Mr. Gammond listened, kicked me under the table, & then said: "Dale, you are wrong. The gentleman is right. It is from the Bible."
On our way home that night, I said to Mr. Gammond: "Frank, you knew that quotation was from Shakespeare."
"Yes, of course," he replied, "Hamlet, Act Five, Scene Two. But we were guests at a festive occasion, my dear Dale. Why prove to a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you? Why not let him save his face? He didn't ask for your opinion. He didn't want it. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle." The man who said that taught me a lesson I'll never forget. I not only had made the storyteller uncomfortable, but had put my friend in an embarrassing situation. How much better it would have been had I not become argumentative.
It was a sorely needed lesson because I had been an inveterate arguer. During my youth, I had argued with my brother about everything under the Milky Way. When I went to college, I studied logic & argumentation & went in for debating contests. Talk about being from Missouri, I was born there. I had to be shown. Later, I taught debating & argumentation in New York; & once, I am ashamed to admit, I planned to write a book on the subject. Since then, I have listened to, engaged in, & watched the effect of thousands of arguments. As a result of all this, I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high Heaven to get the best of an argument--& that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes & earthquakes.--Dale Carnegie
137. You may never be called upon to settle a strike or address a jury, but you may want to get your rent reduced. Will the friendly approach help you then? Let's see.
O.L. Straub, an engineer, wanted to get his rent reduced. And he knew his landlord was hard-boiled. "I wrote him," Mr. Straub said in a speech before the class, "notifying him that I was vacating my apartment as soon as my lease expired. The truth was, I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay if I could get my rent reduced. But the situation seemed hopeless. Other tenants had tried--& failed. Everyone told me that the landlord was extremely difficult to deal with. But I said to myself, 'I am studying a course in how to deal with people, so I'll try it on him--& see how it works.'
"He & his secretary came to see me as soon as he got my letter. I met him at the door with a friendly greeting. I fairly bubbled with good will & enthusiasm. I didn't begin talking about how high the rent was. I began talking about how much I liked his apartment house. Believe me, I was 'hearty in my approbation & lavish in my praise.' I complimented him on the way he ran the building & told him I should like so much to stay for another year but I couldn't afford it.
"He had evidently never had such a reception from a tenant. He hardly knew what to make of it.
"Then he started to tell me his troubles. Complaining tenants. One had written him 14 letters, some of them positively insulting. Another threatened to break his lease unless the landlord kept the man on the floor above from snoring. 'What a relief it is,' he said, 'to have a satisfied tenant like you.' And then without my even asking him to do it, he offered to reduce my rent a little, I wanted more, so I named the figure I could afford to pay, & he accepted without a word.
"As he was leaving, he turned to me & asked, 'What decorating can I do for you?'
"If I had tried to get the rent reduced by the methods the other tenants were using, I am positive I should have met with the same failure they encountered. It was the friendly, sympathetic, appreciative approach that won."--Dale Carnegie
138. When I discussed the essentials of public speaking with Sir Oliver Lodge, a man who had been lecturing to university classes & to the public for 40 years, he emphasised most of all the importance, first, of knowledge & preparation; second, of "taking good pains to be clear."
General Von Moltke, at the outbreak of the Franco-Prussian War, said to his officers: "Remember, gentlemen, that any order that CAN be misunderstood, WILL be misunderstood."
Napoleon recognised the same danger. His most emphatic & oft-reiterated instruction to his secretaries was: "Be clear! Be clear!"--Dale Carnegie
139. Lincoln often paused in his speaking. When he had come to a big idea that he wished to impress deeply on the minds of his hearers, he bent forward, looked directly into their eyes for a moment & said nothing at all. This sudden silence had the same effect as a sudden noise: It attracted notice. It made everyone attentive, alert, awake to what was coming next.
"By your silence," said Kipling, "ye shall speak." Nowhere is silence more golden than when it is judiciously used in talking. It is a powerful tool, too important to be ignored, yet it is usually neglected by the beginning speaker.--Dale Carnegie
140. Some years ago, the American Magazine enjoyed an amazing growth. Its sudden leap in circulation became one of the sensations of the publishing world. The secret? The secret was the late John M. Siddall & his ideas. When I first met Siddall he had charge of the Interesting People Department of that periodical. I had written a few articles for him; & one day he sat down & talked to me for a long time:
"People are selfish," he said. "They are interesting chiefly in themselves. They are not very much concerned about whether the government should own the railroads; but they do want to know how to get ahead, how to draw more salary, how to keep healthy. If I were editor of this magazine," he went on, "I would tell them how to take care of their teeth, how to take baths, how to keep cool in summer, how to get a position, how to handle employees, how to buy homes, how to remember, how to avoid grammatical errors, & so on. People are always interested in human stories, so I would have some rich man tell how he made a million in real estate. I would get prominent bankers & presidents of various corporations to tell the stories of how they battled their ways up from the ranks to power & wealth."
Shortly after that, Siddall was made editor. The magazine then had a small circulation, was comparatively a failure. Siddall did just what he said he would do. The response? It was overwhelming. The circulation figures climbed up to two hundred thousand, three, four, half a million...Here was something the public wanted. Soon a million people a month were buying it, then a million & a half, finally two million. It did not stop there, but continued to grow for many years. Siddall appealed to the personal interests of his readers.--Dale Carnegie
141. Andrew Carnegie, the poverty-stricken Scotch lad who started to work at two cents an hour & finally gave away $365 million, learned early in life that the only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants. He attended school only four years; yet he learned how to handle people.
To illustrate: His sister-in-law was worried sick over her two boys. They were at Yale, & they were so busy with their own affairs that they neglected to write home & paid no attention whatever to their mother's frantic letters.
Then Carnegie offered to wager a hundred Dollars that he could get an answer by return mail, without even asking for it. Someone called his bet; so he wrote his nephews a chatty letter, mentioning casually in a postscript that he was sending each one a $5 bill.
He neglected, however, to enclose the money.
Back came replies by return mail thanking "Dear Uncle Andrew" for his kind note &--you can finish the sentence yourself.--Dale Carnegie
142. Charles Schwab was passing through one of his steel mills one day at noon when he came across some of his employees smoking. Immediately above their heads was a sign that said "No Smoking." Did Schwab point to the sign & say, "Can't you read?" Oh, no, not Schwab. He walked over to men, handed each one a cigar, & said, "I'll appreciate it, boys, if you will smoke these on the outside." They knew that he knew that they had broken a rule--& they admired him because he said nothing about it & gave them a little present & made them feel important. Couldn't keep from loving a man like that, could you?--Dale Carnegie
143. Don't you have much more faith in ideas that you discover for yourself than in ideas that are handed to you on a silver platter? If so, isn't it bad judgement to try to ram your opinions down the throats of other people? Isn't it wiser to make suggestions--& let the other person think out the conclusion?
Adolph Seltz of Philadelphia, sales manager in an automobile showroom & a student in one of my courses, suddenly found himself confronted with the necessity of injecting enthusiasm into a discouraged & disorganised group of automobile sales people. Calling a sales meeting, he urged his people to tell him exactly what they expected from him. As they talked, he wrote their ideas on the blackboard. He then said: "I'll give you all these qualities you expect from me. Now I want you to tell me what I have a right to expect from you." The replies came quick & fast: Loyalty, honesty, initiative, optimism, teamwork, eight hours a day of enthusiastic work. The meeting ended with a new courage, a new inspiration--one sales person volunteered to work 14 hours a day--& Mr. Seltz reported to me that the increase of sales was phenomenal.
"The people had made a sort of moral bargain with me," said Mr. Seltz, "& as long as I lived up to my part in it, they were determined to live up to theirs. Consulting them about their wishes & desires was just the shot in the arm they needed."--Dale Carnegie
144. Charles R. Walters, director of one of the large banks in New York City, was assigned to prepare a confidential report on a certain corporation. He knew of only one person who possessed the facts he needed so urgently. As Mr. Walters was ushered into the president's office, a young woman stuck her head through a door & told the president that she didn't have any stamps for him that day.
"I am collecting stamps for my 12-year-old son," the president explained to Mr. Walters.
Mr. Walters stated his mission & began asking questions. The president was vague, general, nebulous. He didn't want to talk, & apparently nothing could persuade him to talk. The interview was brief & barren.
"Frankly, I didn't know what to do," Mr. Walters said as he related the story to the class. "Then I remembered what his secretary had said to him--stamps, 12-year-old son. ... And I also recalled that the foreign department of our bank collected stamps--stamps taken from letters pouring in from every continent washed by the seven seas.
"The next afternoon I called on this man & sent in word that I had some stamps for his boy. Was I ushered in with enthusiasm? Yes sir. He couldn't have shaken my hand with more enthusiasm if he had been running for Congress. He radiated smiles & good will. 'My George will love this one,' he kept saying as he fondled the stamps. 'And look at this! This is a treasure.'
"We spent half an hour talking stamps & looking at a picture of his boy, & he then devoted more than an hour of his time to giving me every bit of information I wanted--without my even suggesting that he do it. He told me all he knew, & then called in his subordinates & questioned them. He telephoned some of his associates. He loaded me down with facts, figures, reports & correspondence. In the parlance of newspaper reporters, I had a scoop."--Dale Carnegie
145. Years ago the General Electric Company was faced with the delicate task of removing Charles Steinmetz from the head of a department. Steinmetz, a genius of the first magnitude when it came to electricity, was a failure as the head of the calculating department. yet the company didn't dare offend the man. He was indispensable--& highly sensitive. So they gave him a new title. They made him Consulting Engineer of the General Electric Company--a new title for work he was already doing--& let someone else head up the department.
Steinmetz was happy.
So were the officers of G.E. They had gently maneuvered their most temperamental star, & they had done it without a storm--by letting him save face.
--Dale Carnegie
146. A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes & behaviour. Some suggestions to accomplish this:
PRINCIPLE 1
Begin with praise & honest appreciation.
PRINCIPLE 2
Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
PRINCIPLE 3
Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person.
PRINCIPLE 4
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
PRINCIPLE 5
Let the other person save face.
PRINCIPLE 6
Praise the slightest improvement & praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation & lavish in your praise."
PRINCIPLE 7
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
--Dale Carnegie
147. One day Sydney Harris of the Chicago Daily News walked with his friend to a newsstand to purchase a paper. The friend thanked the vendor politely, but the vendor remained coldly silent. As they moved away, Harris remarked: "A sullen fellow, isn't he?" And the friend replied: "Oh, he's that way every night." Harris asked, "Well, why then do you continue to be so very polite to him?" His friend answered: "Why should I let him decide how I'm going to act?"
148. The fellow who is always jumping to conclusions isn't always sure of a happy landing.
149. Your leader is nothing but an instrument in the hand of God!--The mere Trumpet that carries the Message of His Mouth of His People!--The Communicator of His Words--His Voice--& God's sheep hear His Voice, the Prophet of God, & they follow Him! They are following God, not the Man. The Man is merely His Manifestation, the Voice of His Vision! God's Man is nothing but a wirephoto & teletype machine, like the news media use, on which they get the latest news in words & pictures!--Dad
150. "General Grant is a drunkard," asserted powerful & influential politicians to President Lincoln, "he is not himself half the time; he can't be relied upon, & it is a shame to have such a man in command of an army." "So Grant gets drunk, does he?" queried Lincoln. "Yes, he does, & I can prove it," was the reply. "Well," returned Lincoln, with the faintest suspicion of a twinkle in his eyes, "you needn't waste your time getting proof; you just find out, to oblige me, what brand of whiskey Grant drinks because I want to send a barrel of it to each of my generals."
151. I rent the grand ballroom of a certain New York hotel for 20 nights in each season in order to hold a series of lectures.
At the beginning of one season, I was suddenly informed that I should have to pay almost three times as much rent as formerly. This news reached me after the tickets had been printed & distributed & all announcements had been made.
Naturally, I didn't want to pay the increase, but what was the use of talking to the hotel about what I wanted? They were interested only in what they wanted. So a couple of days later I went in to see the manager.
"I was a bit shocked when I got your letter," I said, "but I don't blame you at all. If I had been in your position, I should have written a similar letter myself. Your duty as the manager of this hotel is to make all the profit possible. If you don't do that, you will be fired & you ought to be fired. Now, let's take a piece of paper & write down the advantages & the disadvantages that will accrue to you, if you insist on this increase in rent."
Then I took a letterhead & ran a line through the centre & headed one column "Advantages" & the other column "Disadvantages."
I wrote down under the head of "Advantages" these words: "Ballroom free." Then I went on to say: "You will have the advantage of having the ballroom free to rent for dances & conventions. That is a big advantage, for affairs like that will pay you much more than you can get for a series of lectures. If I tie your ballroom up for 20 nights during the course of the season, it is sure to mean a loss of some very profitable business to you.
"Now, let's consider the disadvantages. First, instead of increasing your income from me, you are going to decrease it. In fact, you are going to wipe it out because I cannot pay the rent you are asking. I shall be forced to hold these lectures at some other place.
"There's another disadvantage to you also. These lectures attract crowds of educated & cultured people to your hotel. That is good advertising for you, isn't it? In fact, if you spent $5,000 advertising in the newspapers, you couldn't bring as many people to look at your hotel as I can bring by these lectures. That is worth a lot to a hotel, isn't it?
As I talked, I wrote these two "disadvantages" under the proper heading, & handed the sheet of paper to the manager, saying: "I wish you would reconsider both the advantages & disadvantages that are going to accrue to you & then give me your final decision."
I received a letter the next day, informing me that my rent would be increased only 50% instead of 300%.
Mind you, I got this reduction without saying a word about what I wanted. I talked all the time about what the other person wanted, & how he could get it.--Dale Carnegie
152. One of the smartest things you can learn to do now is say, "I don't know!" That's a new wrinkle for our leadership, to learn three little words, "I don't know." That's different from the leaders of yesterday who thought they were supposed to know all the answers & were ashamed or embarrassed if they didn't give some answer.
Now the smartest thing you can do is say, "I don't know." Either, "I just don't know," or if it's really such a big emergency the guy can't solve the problem, "I don't know, I'll ask somebody. I'll pray about it," or "I'll think about it. We'll discuss it & maybe we can think of something."--Dad.
153. A leader who just absolutely doesn't like his job at all, doesn't enjoy it & doesn't want to do it at all wouldn't make a very good leader. He wouldn't make a good leader if he didn't at least appreciate the authority God has given him & try to exercise it rightly, if he just totally abrogated it or abdicated his responsibilities like some kings have done.
That's what Edward III did with Mrs. Simpson--he chose a woman over his duty. Well, I think that was a bad choice myself, because he sacrificed his people. I think that's what the people of England couldn't forgive him for. A lot of them praised him & thought it was wonderful, "Isn't that wonderful?--Love conquers all!" Blah blah blah! But down underneath they knew he loved HER more than he did THEM! And if they ever needed him, they needed him then. He would have made a good king because he knew the people & he was for the poor, & I think that's the one reason the System was happy to get rid of him. However, that proves that he wasn't a good leader, because he shirked his duty.--Dad
154. The water comes from below out of the well, God's rain water!--It doesn't come out of the pump handle! The guy who does the pumping just creates a vacuum that pulls the water up out of the well. He just does the pumping.--He doesn't supply the water! God supplies His rain water to the people through His rivers & streams, the prophets like me. It is collected in the people's wells for later use. Then the leader works at trying to persuade the water to come up, & lets it flow, & he merely provides the vessels, or somebody else does, to catch it in! That's really the job of the executive: He's merely the guy who is supposed to keep things moving.--Dad
155. Seeing John Wesley coming along the street one day, a man straddled the pavement & said to him: "I never get out of my way for a fool." "But I always do," replied Wesley, as he stepped aside into the gutter. A fine illustration of fulfilling the injunction, "Answer a fool according to his folly." (Pro.26:5)
156. Cooley Reserve, a park in Glenelg, Australia, was left looking pretty as a picture after a mammoth kiddies' picnic. At day's end, organisers broadcast the news that hidden among all the litter were two marked pieces of rubbish which could be traded in for new bicycles. Never has a picnic ground been cleaned as quickly!
157. A young mother was worried about her 19-year-old son. No matter how much she scolded, he kept running around with his shirt tails flapping. On the other hand, her neighbour had four boys, & each one of them always wore his shirt neatly tucked in. Finally the young mother asked her neighbour to tell her the secret. "Oh, it's simple," she replied, "I just take all their shirts & sew an edging of lace around the bottom."
158. When the pastor of a rural Tennessee church died, the congregation insisted that my uncle, the most senior deacon, take over until a replacement could be found. My uncle approached the first Sunday's service reluctantly, expecting a lot of criticism at his feeble efforts to fill the pastor's shoes. He did not, however, come unprepared.
"How many of you have brought a pencil?" he asked immediately before services. Hands went up all over the auditorium. "And a piece of paper?" he continued. Envelopes, cards & grocery lists were waved aloft.
"Good!" he exclaimed. "We are going to have a contest. I want you to listen very carefully this morning for any mistake I might make & write it down. Don't hold anything back. The more critical your list the better. The lists will be taken up at the end of the service."
He then fixed the congregation with a stern gaze & paused for effect. "And the one who has made the longest list," he pronounced, "will win the Grand Prize--of getting to preach next Sunday!"
159. Wilton Lackaye was on the program for a speech at a gathering in Chicago. It was late in the evening, & everyone had been bored by the other speakers. When the toastmaster announced, "Wilton Lackaye, the famous actor, will now give you his address," Lackaye arose & said, "Toastmaster & gentlemen, my address is the Lambs Club, New York." He sat down to tremendous applause.
160. Damien's mother works as a secretary in a psychologist's office & they had a rich middle-aged Jewish lady coming in several times a week to complain about how her boyfriend only used her for her money. The psychologist suggested that instead of wasting her money on him, she should give to the zoo for the "adopt an animal" plan. She was going to adopt a monkey until Damien's Mom gave her one of our prayer letters from S. America & said, "Why don't you adopt one of my children instead?" Now she's one of our supporters & we're sharing with her that the Lord's Love is the only answer to her problems!--Damien & Rainbow
161. "I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among the men," said Schwab, "the greatest asset I posses, & the way to develop the best that is in a man is by appreciation & encouragement.
"There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a man as criticisms from his superiors. I never criticise anyone. I believe in giving a man incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise, but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation & lavish in my praise."--Charles Schwab, steel manufacturer.
162. When Voltaire arrived in England in 1727 he found that feeling ran high against the French, that on the streets of London he was in grave peril. One day during a walk a crowd of angry citizens shouted, "Kill him! Hang the Frenchman!"
Voltaire stopped, faced the crowd & cried: "Englishmen! You want to kill me because I am a Frenchman! Am I not punished enough in not being an Englishman?" The crowd cheered wildly, & provided him safe conduct back to his dwelling.
163. An astrologer foretold the death of a lady whom Louis XI passionately loved. She did, in fact, die; & the King imagined that the prediction of the astrologer was the cause of it. He sent for the man, intending to have him thrown through the window, as a punishment. "Tell me, thou pretendest to be so clever & learned a man, what thy fate will be?"
The soothsayer, who suspected the intrigues of the King, & knew his foibles, replied: "Sire, I foresee that I shall die three days before your Majesty."
The King believed him, & was careful of the astrologer's life.
164. When Mrs. Ruth Hopkins, a fourth-grade teacher in Brooklyn, New York, looked at her class roster the first day of school, her excitement & joy of starting a new term was tinged with anxiety. In her class this year she would have Tommy T., the school's most notorious "bad boy". His third-grade teacher had constantly complained about Tommy to colleagues, the principal & anyone else who would listen. He was not just mischievous; he caused serious discipline problems in the class, picked fights with the boys, teased the girls, was fresh to the teacher, & seemed to get worse as he grew older. His only redeeming feature was his ability to learn rapidly & master the school work easily.
Mrs. Hopkins decided to face the "Tommy problem" immediately. When she greeted her new students, she made little comments to each of them: "Rose, that's a pretty dress you are wearing," "Alicia, I hear you draw beautifully." When she came to Tommy, she looked him straight in the eyes & said, "Tommy, I understand you are a natural leader. I'm going to depend on you to help me make this the best class in the fourth grade this year." She reinforced this over the first few days by complimenting Tommy on everything he did & commenting on how this showed what a good student he was. With that reputation to live up to, even a nine-year-old couldn't let her down--& he didn't.
If you want to excel in that difficult leadership role of changing the attitude or behaviour of others, give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
165. Business executives have learned that it pays to be friendly to strikers. For example, when 2,500 employees in the White Motor Company's plant struck for higher wages & a union shop, Robert F. Black, then president of the company, didn't lose his temper & condemn & threaten & talk of tyranny & Communists. He actually praised the strikers. He published an advertisement in the Cleveland papers, complimenting them on "the peaceful way in which they laid down their tools." Finding the strike pickets idle, he bought them a couple of dozen baseball bats & gloves & invited them to play ball on vacant lots. For those who preferred bowling, he rented a bowling alley.
This friendliness on Mr. Black's part did what friendliness always does: It begot friendliness. So the strikers borrowed brooms, shovels, & rubbish carts, & began picking up matches, papers, cigarette stubs, & cigar butts around the factory. Imagine it! Imagine strikers tidying up the factory grounds while battling for higher wages & recognition of the union. Such an event had never been heard of before in the long, tempestuous history of American labour wars. That strike ended with a compromise settlement within a week--ended without any ill feeling or rancor.--Dale Carnegie
166. Wanamaker used to make a tour of his great store in Philadelphia every day. Once he saw a customer waiting at a counter. No one was paying the slightest attention to her. The sales people? Oh, they were in a huddle at the far end of the counter laughing & talking among themselves. Wanamaker didn't say a word. Quietly slipping behind the counter, he waited on the woman himself & then handed the purchase to the sales people to be wrapped as he went on his way.
--Dale Carnegie
167. HOW TO GET FRIENDS WHO HELP
THE BOK BOY.
The Bok Family met financial reverses, so emigrated from Holland when Edward was six. He did the usual boyhood jobs to earn money in Brooklyn--washed windows, peddled papers.
He wanted to get acquainted with people who counted, wanted to learn their methods & secrets of work. When newspapers reported that distinguished people were in New York City, young Edward used to pay them unexpected visits.
He went to the Fifth Avenue Hotel to call on General U.S. Grant, & the General invited Bok to have dinner with him. Big men are not merely friendly; often, too, they are lonesome & esteem pleasant company.
When Abraham Lincoln's widow was taken to Dr. Holbrook's sanitarium with a mental disease, young Bok visited her.
He went to Boston, this 16-year-old boy, & had breakfast with Oliver Wendell Holmes. He helped white-haired Longfellow read his mail & went to the theatre with him, where he met other famous men.
The offices of brass hats held no terror for this boy. When he had an idea he thought would interest a company, he would call on its president without hesitation or embarrassment.
He started an almost make-believe newspaper at 19 & induced famous people to write for it. At 23 he branched out to form one of the World's first newspaper syndicates; he had gained momentum from associating with big people.
This momentum helped him become one of the leaders of the United States & the donor of the American Peace & Harvard Advertising awards.
Edward Bok, in his search for self-education, discovered not only that successful personages will give of their time & friendship to a sincere & eager young man, but also that one of the best forms of self-training is to understudy great men & women.
Youngsters are usually frank about their hero worship. Oldsters, unfortunately, seem to feel they should conceal it. Don't conceal it. Put it to work by making the personal acquaintance of your heroes. It will flatter & please the hero & stimulate & encourage you.
Keep your old friends; don't go high-hat. But make new friends--steadily--from among the ranks of the doers.
168. Little men want to do it all themselves. Big men get someone else to help them.
Frank Woolworth was a little man. He failed in his first few attempts to start a five-&-ten-cent store. When he was at last beginning to make a go of one, he had a serious illness. This illness changed him into a big man.
"Up until that illness," he observed, "I thought I must attend to everything myself. But thereafter I indulged in the luxury of a bookkeeper, & at great effort I broke myself of the conceit that I could buy goods, display goods, run stores, & do everything else better than any men associated with me. That marked the beginning of my success & enabled me to expand in a large way."
169. During the First World War an American officer was reconnoitering in the war zone. A young pleasant-looking chap in the uniform of a British subaltern came toward him. "Who are you?" the American challenged. "The Prince of Wales," the young man said mildly, continuing on his way. "Oh, yeah," was the sarcastic rejoinder of the American. "And I'm the King of England." Several nights later at a Red Cross hut the two men met again. Great was the chagrin of the American to find that the young man was actually the Prince of Wales. He was still more embarrassed when the Prince, grinning widely, waved to him from across the room & called out cheerily, "Hello there, dad!"
170. To live above with saints we love,
Oh, that will be such glory.
To live below with saints we know,
Well, that's a different story!
171. Four things are required of a judge: To hear courteously, to answer wisely, to consider soberly, & to decide impartially.
172. Don't judge a man by what he says; try & find out WHY he said it.
173. The best way to judge a man is not by what other men say about him, but by what he says about other men.
174. You will make a mistake if you judge a man by his opinion of himself.
175. Men of good judgement seldom rely wholly on their own.
176. Talk to a man about himself & he will be glad to listen for hours.
177. A man's judgement is no better than his information.
178. Don't condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.
179. The man who bows humbly before God is sure to walk uprightly before men.
180. We must live with people to know their problems & live with God to solve them.
181. There is some good in everyone, though in some it takes a little longer to find.
182. Blunt words often have the sharpest edge.
183. Top leadership is a heavy burden. Queen Elizabeth once said, "The crown is never so heavy as to him who wears it!" I've felt many a time like the poet Robert Burns, who, at the big banquet given in his honour toasting his worldwide fame for his poetry, was scribbling on a piece of paper under the table his poem,
"Oh, that I were back with the wee small daisy!" That's probably what every great man feels, every public personality, public servant, politician, World leader, Prophet, priest & king! A lot of times we wish we were "back with the wee small daisy" in obscurity, unknown. But fame, notoriety, criticism, enemies, little privacy or selfish living, no public freedom & often exile & loneliness--these are usually the cost of top leadership!--Dad
184. When nobody disagrees with you, you can assure yourself that you are exceptionally brilliant.--Or else you're the boss!
185. There is a fine line between desire to have power for accomplishment & desire to have power for domination.
186. Power undirected by high purpose spells calamity; & high purpose by itself is utterly useless if the power to put it into effect is lacking.--Theodore Roosevelt
187. The measure of man is what he does with power.--Pittacus (650-569 BC)
188. You cannot antagonise & persuade at the same time.
189. A young man proved himself wise when a young widow asked him how old he thought she was. He answered, "I am just deciding whether to make you 10 years younger on account of your looks, or to make you 10 years older on account of your intelligence."
190. Tact is like a girdle. It enables you to organise the awkward truth more attractively.
191. President Calvin Coolidge in the White House, always modest & unassuming, was one day visited by the veteran theatrical producer David Belasco.
The gentle, white-haired visitor timidly grasped the President's outstretched hand & whispered, "Mr. President, I am deeply honoured!"--"No, Mr. Belasco", Mr. Coolidge interrupted, "I am the one that is deeply honoured. There have been many Presidents of the United States, but there can be only one David Belasco."
192. The well-known author James A. Michener, who had been invited to the White House, wrote this elegant regret to Dwight D. Eisenhower: "Dear Mr. President, I received your invitation three days after I had agreed to speak a few words at a dinner honouring the wonderful high school teacher who taught me to write. I know you will not miss me at your dinner, but she might at hers."
The President's gracious reply: "In a lifetime a man can live under 15 or 16 presidents, but a really fine teacher comes into his life but rarely."
193. Power is not of itself good or bad but becomes what its holder makes it. Held by a Churchill it might be good; by a Hitler, bad.
194. A good manager is a man who isn't worried about his own career but rather the careers of those who work for him. My advice: Don't worry about yourself. take care of those who work for you & you'll float to greatness on their achievements.
195. One of the qualities I would certainly look for in an executive is whether he knows how to delegate properly. The inability to do this is, in my opinion--& in that of others I have talked with on this subject--one of the chief reasons executives fail. Another is their inability to make decisions effectively. These two personality lacks have contributed more to executive failure than any amount of know-how lacks.--J.C. Penny
196. "I have a philosophy," says Lee S. Bickmore, Board Chairman of NABISCO, "that no man should come in to his immediate supervisor FOR a decision. He should come in WITH a decision. When you give your supervisor a chance to probe, to say, 'If you do this, what effect does it have in this area?' Or, 'If you do this, what will be so-&-so's reaction?' You give him a chance to examine your depth of thinking."
197. A good leader in any field doesn't panic under pressure & spread a shock wave through his people. The tougher the going gets, the calmer he becomes, the more determined to find a sensible answer to the situation & make it work.
198. A leader can best improve the efficiency of his followers by improving himself. Or, as one author put it, "The man who makes himself better makes everyone he comes into contact with better as well."
199. The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind him in other men the conviction & the will to carry on.
200. To command is to serve, nothing more & nothing less.
201. Definition of an executive: A man in any organisation who has the courage to dream, the ability to organise, & the strength to execute.
202. There was a wound in a gentle heart,
Whence all life's sweetness seemed to ebb & die,
And love's CONFIDING change to BITTER SMART
While slow, sad years went by.
Yet as they passed, unseen an Angel stole
And laid a balm of healing on the pain,
And now you see the heart made whole,
But oh, the scars remain.