JEALOUSY & YIELDEDNESS!--By Peter                 Peter No.34              2/86

         1. (From a tape to a brother who had to leave his wife for a "bigger job", then returned home months later to find things had changed & she was sharing with others regularly.--But let's pretend this person is you!)
         2. ONE OF THE EASIEST WAYS TO GET THE VICTORY OVER JEALOUSY IS YIELDEDNESS! The reason it's so hard is that you're fighting against what the Lord is doing. You're not yielded. I've found that if you just face it & yield to what is happening & yield to the Lord, that it's a lot easier!
         3. IT'S THE FIGHTING AGAINST WHAT'S HAPPENING THAT MAKES IT SO BAD! It's like you're saying, "I don't want it to be this way, I think it should be that way!"--And that's murmuring & a lack of yieldedness to what the Lord is doing!
         4. YOU MAY SAY, "BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE LORD'S DOING! Why does it have to be like this?" Well, it talks about that in "But If Not!"--a Letter you should read--that attitude of "Why, Lord? Why isn't it the way I want it? Why is it like this?" And it says right there, when you question the Lord & ask "why" in that kind of spirit, then it's self-righteousness! It's like telling Him, "If I were You, I would do this better! I know better than You because I would do it differently!"
         5. YOUR MATE'S JOB AS A LEADER IS VERY IMPORTANT & A LOT DEPENDS ON HER! She's got to be on top of things all the time, & she can't afford to let herself slide, but she has been because your jealousy has been weighing heavily on her. She doesn't want to hurt you, & she's all condemned about the fact that she is. She just can't operate in that state & be constantly faced with your condemnatory murmuring attitude that says, "I'm losing you & I'm losing my place to another!--And it's your fault or his fault or God's fault!"
         6. SO THE CHOICE IS UP TO YOU: ARE YOU GOING TO YIELD & ACCEPT WHAT THE LORD IS DOING, OR ARE YOU GOING TO FIGHT AGAINST IT? Obviously it's a lot easier for you to yield, because fighting against it isn't doing you any good! It just causes you to get down & discouraged & bitter & upset & jealous & questioning & maybe getting mad at God, "Oh Lord, why are You doing this to me? Why me?"--Which doesn't bear good fruit!
         7. I THINK THE COUNSEL IN THE LETTER "DAYDREAMING" APPLIES HERE AS WELL: YOU HAVE TO CONSTANTLY FIGHT AGAINST EVEN THINKING ABOUT THOSE THINGS! If you let your mind wander, you can imagine this happening or that happening, & then you really get worked up, just as if it really happened, when it's just ridiculous! But it's because you let your mind do it, you allow it.--Whereas you can fight against it! You can rebuke these thoughts & doubts!
         8. WHICH DO YOU WANT TO DO, DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT AGAINST IT, OR DO YOU WANT TO YIELD & SUBMIT? Yieldedness, too, is a crucifixion & it isn't going to mean the battles are over, but at least you're not fighting against God & fighting against the Devil at the same time!
         9. THE POINT I'M TRYING TO MAKE IS THAT IF IT'S THE LORD'S WILL, THEN IT'S NOT GOING TO DO YOU ANY GOOD TO BUCK IT, & YOU'D DO BETTER TO YIELD TO IT! I think you should try to read up on Jealousy, Fighting the Good Fight, Selfishness, Self-Righteousness, Faith & Trust. The Quotes on Trust really helped me when I was having a hard time, because that was what it amounted to--was I trusting the Lord? Was I going to trust the Lord that He was the One doing it & that things were going to work out okay?--And even for my good? As long as I would trust the Lord & just give up to the Lord & say, "I'm just going to trust You", then I did fine!
         10. ALTHOUGH IT IS IMPORTANT TO MEMORISE, WHEN YOU HAVE SPIRITUALLY WEAK AREAS THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON, SOMETIMES IT'S MORE IMPORTANT TO SET ASIDE YOUR MEMORY WORK FOR A WHILE & READ LETTERS ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM! In fact, I think sometimes memory work can be an excuse to not get on the attack about whatever your problem is! It's easy to get up in the morning & say, "Well, I don't want to read on these problems I'm having, because if I do, then I have to do something about them! Then I have to stand on what I just read & apply it & put it into practice & get on the attack & fight & get the victory! Whereas I don't really want to get the victory--because getting the victory means I won't get what I want & have my wife back 7 days a week & all the time." Getting the victory when you're jealous means that you're going to have to share & share happily! And when you're jealous, that doesn't sound like such a great victory after all, does it?
         11. IN A WAY, I DIDN'T WANT TO GET THE VICTORY! On one hand I did, I wanted the battles to stop, but it didn't mean I wanted a victory over the problems! Because the true victory meant that I was going to stop being jealous, & that meant that when Mama would give others attention I would be happy about it & it wouldn't bother me. But I didn't want that because I didn't want her to do that because I was fighting against it! So your memory work, or whatever else keeps you away from the Word you need, can be an excuse not to have to fight to get the victory, because the victory doesn't seem so pleasant.
         12. THERE ARE QUOTES IN THE LETTERS THAT SAY, "IF YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO SHARE, THEN YOU'RE GOING AGAINST THE SPIRIT OF THE FAMILY!"--AND THAT REALLY HIT ME! I started having to accept & realise that sharing is not a bad thing or a painful thing, it's the right thing & it's really the Lord's way! When you're very jealous, that's a bit of a shaker-upper! Reading those Letters & desperately praying & asking the Lord to help me receive & grasp the spirit of them was what really helped me to understand & it gave me some Word to stand on against it!
         13. I LOVE MAMA A LOT & IF I HAD MY CHOICE I WOULD BE AROUND HER ALL THE TIME! But I'm trying to learn to be content & happy with what I've got & all that the Lord has blessed me with. I used to get a lot more time with her than I do now but I've had to grow & learn that, well, things change & maybe I don't need as much as I used to need, & maybe I don't really need as much as I think I need! Maybe that's the same way with you & your mate, because other people need her too. You also have been around a long time, you have a lot of experience, & there are a lot of people that could benefit from your experience & your love too!--And who need you too.
         14. ALL I KNOW IS THAT JEALOUSY IS A BIG TRIAL & IT'S REALLY A WASTE OF TIME! And what it causes you to do is get so wrapped up in it that not only do you not give your mate the freedom to do what she needs to do--which is what her job is--but it also keeps you from reaching out to others! You don't even desire to share with others. It's the Devil's device because it keeps you from sharing & it keeps you from doing your job too! You just get all wrapped up in your jealousy until that's all you can think about, & it always exaggerates everything!
         15. THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO IS GET ON THE ATTACK ABOUT IT, & YOU CAN'T LET UP ON THE ATTACK! You can't say, "Well, I'll attack today but not tomorrow." But just like any other battle, the more you attack & fight, pretty soon the easier it gets & the Devil lets off after awhile. When he's got full sway & he can just stomp all over you & you're not even fighting back, he'll just keep stomping away. Why not? It's easy! It's like picking on somebody that's not going to fight back! If you're a big bully you can just keep picking on some weakling! But if they start throwing a few punches back & pretty soon they're constantly fighting back, the bully will go pick on somebody else. But again, that's up to you, you have to decide to go on the attack!
         16. YOU CAN TAKE THIS CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE TWO WAYS--VICTORIOUSLY OR DEFEATEDLY! You've been defeated because you weren't yielded, & that has opened the door to discouragement, doubt, fear & lack of faith! But you've got to snap out of that no matter what it takes!--Even if it means asking for desperate prayer from the Family to lay hands on you, & then fight, because unyieldedness is a dangerous road to go down! Non-yieldedness to the Lord's Will is self-righteousness! In essence you're saying, "I know better than the Lord! My will is more important than the Lord's Will!" And when you open your heart to this, the Devil can come in like a flood, & he'll keep smashing you down. On the other hand, if you yield to Jesus, then He can control your life & give you peace & make you happy in spite of circumstances.
         17. WHEN EVERYTHING'S GOING YOUR WAY, THEN YOU CAN BE A GREAT CHRISTIAN! That's the kind of situation you were in. You were flying high, you had everything!--Just like Job! But then suddenly the Lord allowed a few battles & sacrifices!
         18. WE HAVE TO SEE THAT SOMETIMES THE LORD ALLOWS US TO GET IN THESE SITUATIONS TO REMIND US OR SHOW US THAT WE'RE NOT REALLY ALL THAT WONDERFUL & we're not all that great & that we're really a wreck! And He does all He can to show us that we can't get the victory. It seems like everything we do is just like stepping deeper in the quicksand, the harder we struggle the deeper we sink, & pretty soon we're just sucked under, & then the Lord has to pull us out!
         19. THE LORD HAS SEEN FIT TO TAKE YOU FROM THE HEIGHTS TO THE DEPTHS! You look at it like, "I lost my wife, I lost my job, I lost my home, I lost everything!" Well, look at Job, it was the same thing, he lost everything! But see, the most important thing is that he didn't lose the Lord! The Lord knew exactly what was going on & the Lord only allowed so much to happen. And the Lord did give him the victory & blessed Job more than ever! He had to learn those things, he had to go through that to make him the kind of man he needed to be--willing, yielded, & accepting the Lord's Will over his own. Once Job learned his lesson, the Lord blessed him & He took off the pressure!
         20. JOB HAD TO REALISE THAT ALL HE HAD THAT WAS ANY GOOD & THAT WAS WORTH ANYTHING WAS THE LORD! The Lord was testing him to see if he'd "set his affections on things Above, or on things of the Earth". (Col.3:2) The Lord wanted to see where his treasure was: "Lay not up for yourself treasures here on Earth", but Above! (Mat.6:19) It's all temporary anyway, our job & all of this! Look at all the people who once had WS jobs that are now on the field. Should they be angry at the Lord?--No! Does that mean the Lord loves them less?--No! It means He loves them more because He's teaching them lessons they couldn't learn any other way.--Of yieldedness, humility, faith, understanding of & compassion for others & many other things.
         21. HE DOESN'T WANT US TO PUT OUR JOB, OUR LOCATION, OUR SHEPHERDS, OUR WIFE, OUR ROOM, OUR ANYTHING ABOVE HIM & ABOVE HIS WILL! It's a time to really yield to what the Lord wants & to not question the Lord, because that is self-righteousness. You need to realise that, "This is schooltime & this is the lesson I just have to learn." The worst thing is to go through all this & not learn it! It says, "No chastening for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous, but afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who are exercised thereby." (Heb.12:11)--In other words, if you learn the lesson! Sad to say, everybody's trials don't always yield the peaceable fruit of righteousness, sometimes they end up being bitter because they didn't learn the lesson, they weren't exercised thereby.
         22. I THINK THE LESSON IN THIS CASE IS "GOD'S CHESS GAME!" We're just His pieces, He puts us where He wants. It's not easy. But like Dad says in "Seven Ways to Know God's Will", the best way to know God's will is to have no will of your own! And that's the best way to accept God's will too, is not to have any will of your own & not to try to be something you're not supposed to be, but just to be what the Lord wants you to be!
         23. IF THE LORD HASN'T CALLED YOU TO BE A LEADER IN YOUR HOME, DON'T TRY TO BE! Let your wife do it--that's her ministry! Just be what you're supposed to be! Just be what the Lord has called you to be. The Lord is in complete control of all of our lives. He knows what He's doing, & if we'll flow along with Him we'll do great! It may not be easy, but the easy way is not always the happy way, because we don't grow. You could just get yourself stuck in a nice rut & have your little marriage & have your little kids & have your little room & have everything & it'd be a complete dead end!--Not growing, not progressing, & you won't be happy!
         24. IF IT'S NOT THE LORD'S WILL & HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO HAVE ALL THOSE THINGS RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE SURE NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY IF YOU HAVE THEM! If you think, "If I have everything the way I want it, I'll be happy!", you've got the wrong idea. And anyway, if you have everything the way you want it, your mate's not going to be happy. Therefore if she's not happy, you're not going to be happy either, because it will make both of you miserable!
         25. IT'S NOT JUST THE JEALOUSY YOU NEED TO GET THE VICTORY OVER, IT'S ACCEPTING THE LORD'S WILL IN YOUR LIFE & ACCEPTING THIS TIME OF PURGING! But remember two things: "Whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth" & "Every branch in Me that beareth fruit, He purgeth it!" (Heb.12:6; Jn.15:2)--Why? So it will bring forth more fruit!
         26. THE LORD DOESN'T DO IT BECAUSE YOU'RE ON THE WAY OUT, He doesn't do it because you're ruined & that's the end of you, He doesn't do it for any other reason than that He wants you to bear more fruit!--But your idea of bearing more fruit & the Lord's idea may be entirely different! How do you want to be more fruitful in your life? Are you looking forward to "more fruit" in the form of some big assignment, & if you don't get it, you'll figure all that purging was wasted, "Why did I have to go through all these trials anyway?" What if "more fruit" was to become a childcare worker, or some whole new ministry for you?
         27. THAT'S WHERE YIELDEDNESS COMES IN!--YIELDEDNESS TO WHATEVER THE LORD HAS FOR YOU. Like the quote says, sometimes you're praying for bread & you get what looks to you like a stone, but afterwards you realise that it really was bread! Maybe you didn't realise it when you got it, but maybe up the road a little bit you'll realise that that was the best thing!
         28. IT'S BETTER TO LEARN THE LESSON THAT THE LORD'S TRYING TO TEACH YOU NOW, because when you get up the road a ways, you're going to need that lesson or that victory, & if you don't have it, you're going to have to face it again way up there, when you should be getting other newer & greater victories!
         29. THE LESSONS THAT WE DON'T LEARN HERE IN THIS LIFE, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN OVER THERE! When the church Christians get to Heaven, they're still going to have to learn all the things that we've had to learn here. They don't know how to live together, they don't know how to love, they don't know how to share, witness, nothing!--And they're going to be like little babies. TTL, we're going to skip some grades because we've already learned that here in the Family!
         30. THE LORD'S TRYING TO GET US TO LEARN TO SHARE NOW & BE YIELDED NOW SO WE'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN IT THEN, & that should give us a greater incentive to learn it! You can't think, "If I can just hold out for a couple more years I won't have to worry about it, I'll be perfect!" It's not going to work that way! The point is to just not question God, but say, "Okay, Lord, not my will but Thine be done!"
         31. YOU CAN LOOK AT IT LIKE, "I HAD THAT EXTRA BLESSING THAT NOBODY ELSE HAD & I'M THANKFUL FOR THAT!"--Or you can look at it like, "I expected to have that blessing forever & now it's gone so this is really bad!" But the truth of the matter is that in the Lord's eyes & in His plan, your job & your wife were not permanent, even though you thought they were. If you had realised at the beginning that the Lord was just giving them to you for a little while, wouldn't you have appreciated them more & even been easier for you to let them go, knowing the time was up? Then at least you wouldn't be questioning the Lord, asking why He took them away. Well, that's the way we should be with any of the blessings the Lord makes us stewards over, constantly keeping in mind they're all His & just on loan for a little while. When you have to share your mate, you're just returning her to the Lord Who owns her.
         32. WELL, DON'T EXPECT TO INSTANTLY BE A CHEERFUL GIVER, BECAUSE THAT TAKES WORK! But at least you can start out by giving & not complaining & not feeling bad about it. Just go one step at a time. Because if you think, "I've had prayer, I've read the Word, now I'm going to be the greatest"!--When you aren't & you get hit again, you'll think, "Oh, I failed!" You can't set your goals & sights so high that you can't reach them! You have to set your sights a little lower, then when you make it you've made progress! Then set them up a little higher. Just take one day at a time, step by step!
         33. THE ENEMY USES EVERYTHING HE CAN TO DEFEAT YOU, HE DOESN'T PLAY FAIR! He'll use anything, it doesn't matter. If he can hit you this way he will, if he can hit you that way he will! And it's harder to fight on your own, it's like you almost can't, unless you have outside help like united prayer. Then at least the Lord somehow pushes the Enemy back far enough that you can start defending yourself, & start to get on the attack. Whereas when you just give in to the Enemy & give up, pretty soon it's like you don't even have the choice any more. That's how it has been with me. When I had prayer, then I felt like I could fight! Before that I didn't have any strength to fight, & the Enemy was too powerful because I'd opened the door for him to take over.
         34. JEALOUSY IS FEAR TOO! The whole lack of yieldedness to the Lord comes down to fear. You fear that something's going to happen that you don't have control over, that you don't have some say in. You want it your way & you're afraid that it's going to go a different way, which may be the Lord's way.
         35. ANYTIME ANYTHING BECOMES MORE OF A HINDRANCE THAN A HELP, THEN IT IS TIME TO ABOLISH IT! But let the Lord do it! I was reading that quote, "What God hath put together let not Man put asunder". If God put you together, & obviously He did, let not Man put it asunder.--Especially let not you put it asunder, through your jealousy & selfishness. What God has put together let not Man break apart, but that's not to say that God won't break it apart! If God wants to do it for the sake of His work or your good, that's His business. But don't you be the one to break it apart by your lack of yieldedness!
         36. ONE LAST LITTLE THING IS THAT IT'S VERY DIFFICULT TO LOVE SOMEONE WHO'S INSANELY JEALOUS OF YOU. And it's like a vicious cycle, the more you want her the less you have her, because your attempt at trying to get her is completely wrong! So the more you want, the less you get. The more jealous you get, the less of her love you get.
         37. YOU TRY TO HELP A JEALOUS PERSON & YOU TRY TO LOVE THEM, but because they are so blinded by their jealousy, they don't see things in the right way. They easily misconstrue or misinterpret your actions & comments, they misjudge things & exaggerate.--Which is not right! It's insanity!
         38. IF WHAT YOU WANT IS THEIR LOVE, THE ONLY WAY TO GET IT IS TO STOP BEING JEALOUS & TO YIELD, & then it makes you loving & therefore they can love you! Whereas, when you're jealously trying to seize their love, they don't want to give it to you!--Because even when they try, it gets turned around & thrown back in their face again, & it's never enough! That's how jealousy works, it wants more, & the more it's given, the more it thinks it's entitled to, because it's selfish!
         39. WHEREAS IF YOU JUST YIELD & SHOW LOVE & UPLIFT HER, THEN YOU'RE LOVING, & LOVE BEGETS LOVE! But jealousy really is hatefulness! Jealousy is selfishness & lack of love, & just like love begets love, so also lack of love begets lack of love. Because as much as they try, & as much as they give, to you it's never enough! As long as you're like that, you'll never get what you need & you'll never be happy.
         40. HELP HIM, JESUS! WE BELIEVE HE REALLY WANTS THE VICTORY! Rebuke the Enemy in this jealousy & this lack of yieldedness, Lord, even questioning You. Help him, Lord, just to be a yielded vessel & not try to be the clay saying to the Potter, "Why hast Thou made me thus?" or "Why am I being used for this instead of that?", but just to be a yielded broken vessel, Jesus, one that can be put anywhere for You & be willing to do anything at anytime for anybody!
         41. LORD, WE KNOW THAT THERE ARE TIMES WHEN WE ARE A BEAUTIFUL VASE ON THE MANTELPIECE & everybody sees us, but then sometimes, Lord, You come along & smash us down & remake us into an ugly old vessel that is only fit for being a potty under the bed! But either way, Lord, we're in Your will, we're what You want us to be & You love us just as much, maybe even more for our willingness to be the ugly potty under the bed. Help us not to look at one as being greater than the other. The vessel on the mantelpiece sometimes isn't nearly as useful as the potty under the bed.
         42. SO LORD, HELP HIM TO BE WILLING TO YIELD TO THE PLACE OF GREATEST USEFULNESS, WHAT YOU HAVE FOR HIM! Really help him in this area to trust that You will work all these things together for his good because he loves You. We know that You're purging him so that he can bring forth more fruit! Please help him & encourage him, Lord. Pour Your Spirit out upon him & give him strength for the battle ahead! We know that You have the victory & that You will perfect that which concerneth us!
         43. DO BLESS & HELP HIS MATE TOO, LORD. Please give her an extra measure of love & compassion & desire to get these things repaired, & back to a good, loving relationship, Lord, as they both yield to Thee. Help all of us, Lord, in all ways to put You & Your Kingdom first! We know if we do that, if we seek You first, that all these things shall be added unto us!--Maybe not in the way we might expect them to be, but in the way that You know they're best, in Jesus' name! TYL!

Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family