OVERCOMING THE PAST!
DO 2877 12/92
--More on How to Get the Victory Over Bitterness!--By Mama Maria
Maria #202
(Editor's note: The following was originally intended for a Hope mag. This is why Mama is referred to as "Mama Maria," and there are references to seeking help from teen shepherds, parents, etc. However, Mama felt this counsel could be just as helpful for our adults as for our JETTs and teens.)
1. The Family is entering into a new day with exciting challenges and battles ahead, and we're already seeing the Lord win greater victories in really getting His Message out in a greater way than ever before! It's no surprise that the Enemy has been aiming his anger so much at you, our precious JETTs and teens, both physically and spiritually, since the Lord is using you more and more as His witnesses, and bringing many of you into the limelight to "speak with the enemies in the gate!" (See Psa.127:4-5.)
2. Who would have ever dreamed last year at this time that many of you would appear on some of the world's major news networks, and come before governors, presidents and nations, boldly defending your Family in the face of some of our enemies' bitter attacks!
3. Well, greater things are coming! The Lord has plainly indicated that He wants to use you in even greater ways! He said that you are important and you will help win the world, but this means that you, like the adults, must get rid of anything that is holding you back from giving your all to Him and to our fight for the truth and souls.
4. With so much ahead of you, and so many new souls to be won, who wants to carry around old problems from the past to weigh you down? Who wants to keep fighting the Devil over old, overworn problems and burdens from the past, instead of moving ahead to battle for the souls and service of others? It's time to really go on the attack so that you can be fighting for the Lord and for your Family and brethren, instead of being bogged down in the old, stale problems of the past that the Enemy would love to tie you down to!
5. If you're like most of us, there are probably areas of your life that you may have some questions about. There may be things in the past or the present that you have had a hard time accepting, or you may wonder if you would be able to boldly defend something that you may have some questions about yourself. Anything that makes you fear or eats away at you with doubts is definitely the Enemy trying to make you want to run away from the battle, just when there are so many wonderful souls and witnessing victories ahead!
6. It's time now to arm yourselves with the shield of faith!--And to do that, you may need to "empty wind" your heart of any dead weights or things in the past or the present that still bother you. You don't want to be left behind fighting with the Devil just over your old past, which is dead and gone. Now it's time to be winning new territory, gaining new souls and influencing and winning others, as well as strengthening your brothers and sisters around you!
"But Let a Man Examine Himself" (1Cor.11:28a).
7. As much as your parents and shepherds love you, it's impossible for them to protect you from every difficulty, pain or problem in your life. The Lord allows things to happen for our good somehow, but it's up to us how we take them, and whether or not we resist the urge to harbor bitterness about them.
8. If there's anything negative at all in your life, or anything that you don't consider totally positive, that doesn't go your way or make you entirely happy at the moment, the Enemy will try to get you to resent it. If he can get you to be critical of it, grumble about it, or dislike it, then that can be the beginning of a resentful spirit or root of bitterness.
9. It's not good to dwell on the negative side of things, but there are times when it's good to face your fears and problems with the help of loving shepherds and the Word. This is a good time for you to ask for the help you need for any burdens or things that bother you.
10. Some of these things happen in almost everyone's life. All kids go through most of these things at some time or another, whether they're in the Family or not, no matter what their background is. Some of these are called "growing pains." Sadly, the world often doesn't understand them, but we know from the Word that they have a purpose: They strengthen us and teach us to love, understand and help others.
11. Although almost everyone experiences these things, have you ever felt resentful and harbored any questions or felt that in time you could become bitter over situations in your life? Most people have such battles to some degree or other, but what we're talking about here is when you've had a battle that left you bitter, resentful or with unanswered questions.
Rising Above Circumstances!
12. The wonderful thing about it is that even if you have been hurt and reacted bitterly and resentfully because of people's actions or because of your own reactions, you can get it all straightened out. You can experience a real freedom from those hurts and negative feelings. You can even have a change in your heart and attitude, thanks to the Lord's love and forgiveness and His power to help us!
13. God's Word says, "If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature. Old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new" (2Cor.5:17). The more we get immersed in Jesus and His Word and His ways, the more we become new creatures, the more old things do pass away, and the more things become new. It doesn't happen all at once, but as we put our will on His side, and as we work to make the Word part of us, more and more things from the distant or recent past that used to plague us don't bother us any more. Things that used to make us feel bad when we thought about them can become less painful and a less important part of our life.
14. We can be transformed by the renewing of our mind! We don't have to be conformed to the way the world does things, or accept the painful consequences of past experiences like the world does. The Christian life is all about rising above our circumstances, not letting things get us down, overcoming obstacles!--Making stepping stones out of stumbling blocks!--Destroying the works of the Devil!--Becoming healed in body and mind through faith!--Becoming whole through the Lord's love!--Becoming free from the bondage of fear and hate through the Word!--Letting Jesus resolve and override problems carried over from the past by His renewing and transforming of our mind! (See Eph.4:23; Rom.12:2.)
15. It is a fact from the Word that no matter how bad we may feel our past has been, no matter what problems we have carried with us due to our own misunderstandings or weaknesses or due to the mistakes of others, once we reach the age of accountability we have a responsibility to do something ourselves about these problems. If you're going to mature in the Lord, you have to recognize your own personal responsibility and accountability, and no longer blame your problems on your parents or your teachers or your friends. (See also "Taking the Blame," DB3, pg.257.)
16. It is always a mistake to try to find people and situations in our past on which to place the blame for our present problems, weaknesses or sins. While it is true that some of our problems may have partially resulted from things that happened in our childhood or in our past, still these things do not have to control us or even continue to negatively influence us emotionally, mentally or spiritually.
17. Why should we spend unnecessary and painful moments in blaming others when God can give us the victory if we'll receive it? The fact that we can have some measure of control over the way we are is obvious when we look at different individuals who have gone through the same things we have, but some have reacted in one way and some in another, and as a result, turned out to be very different types of people: Some are happy, healthy, and well-adjusted; others are just the opposite--depressed, unhappy, discontented or disturbed.
18. There's no one in this world who has had completely positive experiences; everyone has had at least some difficulties and hurts caused by past experiences, some of which have been long-lasting. But the important thing for you to remember is that you can ask the Lord for help in overcoming any problems caused by past hurts.
The Problem with Placing the Blame
19. It's ironic that some people don't thank God for any of their blessings, yet they blame Him for things that go wrong. Somehow, they think He's not responsible for all the good in their life, He's only responsible for the bad. Their relationship with the Lord is completely contrary to how it should be--they don't praise Him in good times and they murmur against Him or curse Him in bad times--when the Word says we should thank Him for everything, knowing that He has a good and loving purpose behind it all! "In every thing give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you!" (1Thes.5:18).
20. If you follow this Scriptural commandment to give thanks in all things, it will keep you from blaming God unjustifiably, or even blaming others. The problem in trying to place the blame on others is that it is often misplaced!--Because it's a very complicated task to rightly assign blame in a situation, especially if you're trying to sort out who is to blame for the way a person turns out in life. There are so many factors involved and so many things that have happened in a lifetime, so many spiritual, physical, mental and emotional factors that it's nearly impossible to try to decide who is responsible or who is to blame for the problems a person has in the present.
21. And even if you could accurately fix the blame, which is very difficult and almost impossible, and even if someone else may have played a part in your problems, the fact remains that if you blame someone else for your problems, then you yourself will not be able to learn from them. If you look at each problem as though it's someone else's instead of yours, you won't get desperate with the Lord and call out to Him for His answers and His strength.
22. The Lord and His Word seem to put most of the responsibility clearly on each of us for how we react to whatever situations we find ourselves in. He's given each person a free will and free choice, and is constantly asking us, personally, to make the right decisions, and to take the right steps to get ahold of the Lord for His help. As the Word says, "Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling" (Phil.2:12). "Every one of us shall give account of himself to God" (Rom.14:12). "Every man shall bear his own burden" (Gal.6:5), and "choose ye this day whom ye will serve!" (Josh.24:15).
23. The popular trend in the world nowadays is to blame all your problems in the present on things which happened to you in the past--on your parents, your siblings, your peers, your environment, your heredity, etc.--And hardly anything at all on the personal choices that you have made. Of course, it humbles your pride to accept that maybe you're not right in being bitter against someone or something.
24. But when it comes right down to it, the responsibility for your present-day problems rests upon you because you have the option, the ability, the privilege and even the authority to call upon the Lord's power to resolve the problems, to change you, to remedy the situations, to deliver you, and to make you a new creature in Him. You can ask Him, as David did, to "create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me!" (Psa.51:10).
The Lord Is Greater Than Your Circumstances!
25. We all have things in our lives that we could get bitter about and blame our present problems on. Everybody has something in their life that could seriously hinder and cripple them if they allowed it to get them down and didn't rise above it. But the wonderful thing about it is that the Lord has made a way for us to overcome those things, and in fact, He intends for us to! Because His help is available to us, past circumstances do not have to dictate our present behavior.
26. Look at all the men in history who rose above seemingly insurmountable odds to become great--overcoming poverty, physical handicaps, poor family backgrounds, etc. We could name quite a few very good examples of great men and women who had experiences or events in their lives that they could have easily become bitter about, but they didn't! They just fought harder to overcome those obstacles, and in so doing they became strengthened. Instead of complaining that life had given them a "lemon" (a bad deal), they "made lemonade out of their lemons."
27. Furthermore, because of their supposed handicaps, these people rose higher than they would have otherwise. Very often it's the people who have experienced difficulties in life and have overcome them, who are in turn able to be a great influence in helping many others to have the courage and faith to overcome their difficulties. Their example is a proof to those who see and hear of their struggles and victories that it is possible to overcome great difficulties in life, and rise above seemingly impossible situations to triumph in the face of despair.
28. Jerome K. Jerome was a British writer whose father died when he was 12, and at 14 he had to go to work to support his mother and sister. His life got even harder when his mother died, but after many different jobs, the end result was that he became a writer--not of sad stories, but a famous humorist, writing funny stories to encourage others. After such a hard beginning in life, he said, "It is from the struggle, not the victory, that we gain strength."
Seeing Obstacles as Stepping Stones!
29. We certainly do not have to be confined or limited emotionally, mentally or spiritually by the weights of our past. In fact, the Lord allows those things so we will fight to get the victory over them, and the Lord intends for them to make us stronger. Instead of looking at obstacles or mishaps or bad experiences as so terrible and horrible and such drawbacks and handicaps, we can use those things to make our life better. We can see them as stepping stones for climbing upward. Then they don't hold us back and pull us down, but we can actually use them to improve our lives and the lives of others. Through this process, the Lord forces us to fight and become stronger because of the struggle.
30. If we didn't have any problems to fight, we'd just be complacent and meander along casually, not building the strength of character that comes from fighting to overcome problems. We wouldn't see the beauty blossom in our lives which suffering often results in, or find true friends in those who come to our side to help in the battle. We wouldn't be able to have compassion on others who have gone through the same thing or be able to "comfort them with the same comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God" (2Cor.1:4), and understand what they are going through and be able to help them to overcome.
31. If you never had any trials, you wouldn't be able to get really close to the Lord and find your strength in Him when you feel like you can't take it any more and have no place to turn. You also wouldn't experience the thrill of discovering that He will come through for you and that He can supply the strength you need to carry on.
32. There are so many advantages to having problems and difficulties! As Grandpa has taught us, sometimes it's the only way the Lord can get us to stop and look to Him, or to get us to yield to Him, or to stop us from doing something wrong. He uses our trials and difficulties to humble us, to teach us patience, to help us not be self-righteous and to be more merciful on others. We appreciate our brothers and sisters a lot more, as we see how much they really love us and care for us, which in turn makes us love them even more. Above all, we learn more trust and faith in the Lord than ever before, because He never fails when we desperately call out to Him!
33. So in the Lord's eyes there's really no excuse for getting bitter about problems or difficulties, past or present. Those things have been allowed by the Lord to make us better and not bitter. It's the Devil's purpose to try to make us bitter, but the Lord's purpose is to try to make us better through it. The question is: Are we going to yield to becoming better?--Or are we going to become hard and be bitter? Are we going to go God's way of overcoming and triumphing and happiness, or are we going to go the Devil's way of bitterness and discontent and finally destruction?--Because bitterness can completely destroy you and any of the wonderful plans that the Lord has for your life. (See Heb.12:15.)
The Lord Can Fix It!
34. Now don't get me wrong: In saying that you need to take the responsibility for overcoming your present problems, I'm not at all saying that things and people in your past could not have adversely affected you and influenced you, or even caused you problems. It's quite possible that some things that happened when you were growing up did to a certain extent cause some of the problems you are now facing. But the point I'm trying to make is that now, regardless of why you have a problem, or who is to blame, you can do something about it.--Not blame others and wallow in self-pity, but take the responsibility and go on the attack and ask the Lord to work those problems out. You may have even made wrong decisions because of past problems, but now you can resolve the situation by turning around and making the right decisions and choosing what is positive and good! The Lord can make all things new.
35. He wants us to forgive and forget and take the responsibility for doing something about the problems. We're to forget the past and we're to forget our bitterness, our resentment, our blaming things on others. Perhaps it was their fault, perhaps it wasn't. But His Word says to just forget all of that and look to Him to take care of it all! He wants you, His child, to be happy, and for "your joy to be full," and He knows that only in forgetting past hurts and forgiving those who have wronged you will this be possible.
Bear Ye One Another's Burdens!--Good Reasons for Talking It Over!
36. The Bible says that it's good to forget the past, "forgetting those things which are behind" (Phil.3:13). But it also says, "Bear ye one another's burdens" (Gal.6:2). When it comes to getting rid of bitterness, these two verses have a definite relationship; they go very much hand in hand. Can you see why?--Because one of the best ways to forget the things which are in the past, and not have negative thoughts about them popping up all the time, is to share those past experiences with one of your loving shepherds or counselors or parents, and talk about it and pray about it with them. Once you've gotten things out and have faced your fears and your negative thoughts, and have been counseled through the Word and prayer, you can much more easily forsake them and forget them. We're encouraged in the Word to seek help and support from "the elders of the church" (Jam.5:14a) and to "confess our faults one to another, and pray one for another, that we may be healed" (Jam.5:16a).
37. Bitterness can often arise from things which we see or hear or that happen to us that we don't understand. Often the solutions and the help that we need in understanding why things have happened or are happening can come about through taking the time to honestly explain our questions and problems to our shepherds or someone who can help us. Many things can come up as problems simply because there may be some misunderstanding involved--something that is misunderstood on our part or on someone else's part--and the solutions may be as easy to come by as simply explaining our feelings and battles to the right person.
38. At other times, the problems or the solutions may not be so simple, and may take more than just a talk, but that's always a good place to start, because then you can get the comfort, encouragement and understanding that you need. You receive extra spiritual strength and help through someone else's prayers and counsel, as well as direction on how to use the Word to wage your warfare against the Enemy's tricks.
39. Sometimes we can be tempted to feel that we don't want to dredge up things from the past, and that if we do, it will only make ourselves or others feel worse. But if it bothers us at all, we should. And the amazing thing is that when we talk about bitterness we have toward others or problems we've had or have, we often will find that the problem just stems from a misunderstanding. Not always, but frequently there is a misconception or misinterpretation involved. But how do you know until you can openly talk about it? How does anyone know about it until someone is brave enough to talk to someone else about it?
When Things Really Do Go Wrong
40. Bitterness caused by a misunderstanding on your own part is relatively easy to clear up with open discussion and prayer. But what if you've been hurt and it wasn't just your imagination?--It wasn't just because you misunderstood the person's motives? It was very real and very painful and you can't change what happened. Well, even then, to talk about it with someone, to share the burden with someone and to have prayer and see what the Lord has to say to you through His Word, and to try to see the Romans 8:28 of it--all that makes everything go better.
41. Also, if you can talk about it with the other people who were involved, sometimes understanding the reasons why they did what they did will be a big help in lessening your hurt and helping you to forgive them. The Bible says a lot about "reasoning together" (Isa.1:18), and encourages us to make an effort by going to our brother when we need to be reconciled with him (Mat.5:23-24, 18:15). Doing all of these things can radically alter the way you look at things or the way you feel about things.
A Lot Depends on Your Personal Point of View
42. There are literally hundreds of normal, natural things in life that could be looked upon by some people as being very positive, but which others could resent if they did not take it the right way. Take a rainy day, for a simple example. Some might resent it and complain about it, but others may think it's a real blessing, to water their crops or their grass. Sometimes something that one person would jump at the chance to do and be very thankful for, such as moving to a new location, another person could hate and be resentful of. So anything can become a source of bitterness, even things that would be good and happy things for someone else, or things which aren't really bad. It often depends on how you take events or circumstances.
43. On the other hand, there are some things that are not merely a matter of personal attitude. There are some things that we would all agree are not good or desirable in the natural sense: A physical handicap, a car accident, a house burning down, etc. If you have a physical handicap, that is something that has obviously caused you a lot of pain. It's not your imagination, and it's very natural for you to be sad about it, but even this does not have to make you bitter. You can make your handicap a bridge to greater things, and a wonderful, happy, precious, sweet spirit, as teen Heidi and blind Stevie have done, to name only two of our precious Family young people. (See Prayer List No.3 about Heidi, and GN 524 about Stevie, GBT!)
44. If they could overcome such difficulties and accept these afflictions as actual gifts from the Lord which have done wonderful things in their lives and made them into special people, exceptional people with beautiful spirits, gifted in many ways and a tremendous encouragement to others, how much more should we be willing to look upon our small "handicaps" as stepping stones to a better life?--As a ladder to climb even higher than we would be able to without them?--As an opportunity to turn our weaknesses into strengths?
Mama's Personal Experience
45. I know that the affliction that I have in my eyes isn't exactly an "overcoming the past" problem, but finding the Romans 8:28 in any of our problems or afflictions is very closely related to not being bitter. After all, anything that's happened before this present moment is part of the past. Whether it's the very recent past or the distant past, and whether it's something physical that you are born with, or some emotional hurt that was caused by someone else, it's still something that you can get bitter over and need to overcome.
46. The Lord has allowed me to experience an eye affliction, and the many precious lessons He has been teaching me through it and the reasons why He has allowed me to suffer it are outlined in the following Letters: "Prayer for Mama's Eyes," ML #2326; "Prayer and Answer for Mama's Eyes," ML #2332; "More on Mama's Eyes," ML #2333. Below are a few of the reasons why the Lord has said that He has allowed this to happen to me:
a) To force me to train others.
b) To get me to talk more and give out more.
c) To keep me from leaning on the arm of the flesh.
d) To help me to depend more on the Lord.
e) To shut my eyes to the physical world so I can see the spiritual world more clearly.
f) To help me to better understand the afflictions of others.
g) To cause me to seek the Lord for more answers about healing.
h) To get the whole Family to pray more desperately.
i) To be an encouragement to others who have afflictions but haven't been healed yet.
Resentment and Bitterness: What's the Difference?
47. Bitterness is not something that usually happens quickly, as it usually takes some time to fester and grow, like an infection in a wound. Not every little thing that happens to us which we don't like or resent grows into bitterness, unless we allow it to be fed by the Devil's poisons, and then allow it to spread.
48. Most of the things which happen to us that we don't feel happy about are a little like bruises or minor scrapes would be to your body. If you're like most people, you may even experience a few deep wounds or "serious injuries" to your spirit or your body at some time in your lifetime. We can't always prevent ourselves from being hurt, even physically; however, if we do get hurt, it's seldom very serious, thank the Lord! He protects us so wonderfully and we have such a happy life, compared with others outside the Family! And we know from the Word that when He does allow us to suffer any hurts or trials or losses, it's always for a very important purpose. He also very carefully weighs our burdens so that they are not too much for us to bear, only enough to bring out the sweetness and valuable changes and lessons in our lives.
49. Most of the time, injuries to our bodies only hurt for a while. In the same way, most of our daily annoyances are like bruises to our spirits or our feelings or our pride. They hurt for a little bit, but that causes us to pray for the Lord's help, and to remember the lessons that we are learning from them. We may get a little "black" with negative thinking about them, or "blue" with discouragement, but we're usually able to forget them fairly quickly and we don't go around "nursing them" to get sympathy for ourselves, especially if we believe that the Lord is going to heal them without any problem.
50. If our body gets cut or hurt seriously, we go to someone who can tend to our wound properly right away, and we have all the dirt washed out, disinfect it of any germs, and get it properly bandaged so that it's protected from any further dirt or germs entering in. Sometimes we need to have it checked regularly to make sure it's healing properly, clean out any new dirt or germs that may have gotten in, and have a clean bandage put on. If we do get seriously hurt, it often takes some time to heal, during which time we may need more rest and more help from others than usual.
51. Our real spiritual battles are like serious cuts or wounds: We need to report them so someone can help us to clean them out with the Word, disinfect them of the Enemy's lies with counsel and prayer, and put on protective bandages of safeguards and other means of help and counsel which our shepherds can give us. If we try to hide them and don't get them properly taken care of, even if we try to wash out the dirt ourselves, we can't always cleanse them of all the Enemy's germs without someone else to help us. When germs are allowed to grow, they create an infection. If the infection is not taken care of properly and quickly, its poisons can spread to the blood, quickly causing blood poisoning, which is serious and life-threatening.
52. This is a pretty good illustration of how our spiritual wounds can easily heal with faith, prayer and proper care, thank the Lord! But if we don't allow them to be cleansed and healed in the proper way, or if we don't cooperate with those who are trying to help us, or if we try to hide our uncleaned wounds, they can become polluted with the Devil's poisons which can spread and quickly poison the whole body! The Enemy's doubts can pollute the flow of God's good life-giving Word, which will also affect our spiritual life, our fruitfulness and our faith.
53. When we get hurt by battles with resentment or discontentment, we can be healed with the Lord's Word and shepherding care and prayer. If we don't get these smaller problems taken care of, however, our small wounds can turn into ugly festering sores if we welcome in all the Devil's dirty garbage on top of it and allow him to rub it in! Infections are much harder to clean and heal than normal sores, and usually require more outside help from others. They also are much more painful, and drain more energy from the whole body than a small sore or wound. Infections can even get so bad that the affected part of the body may have to be amputated, because the real danger is that they can quickly spread to even threaten your life itself. Bitterness is like the Devil's infectious mess, festering and silently destroying healthy areas it comes in contact with, and capable of circulating to poison others or the whole body if it's not stopped and purged out.
54. Therefore, just as we should immediately pay careful and diligent attention to a physical cut or scrape or minor injury, we should immediately take care of any spiritual wounds, real or imagined, which bother us. By going on the attack against any resentment or discontentment before it grows and spreads, the Lord can clean out the sore spot "through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Ghost" (Tit.3:5). With prayer, the Word, counsel, and a determined effort to "lay aside every weight and the sin which doth so easily beset us," the Lord will heal the problem and give beautiful victory!
(Once you've stocked up on the Word, counsel, and the Lord's solutions, you can ask the Lord for His supernatural deliverance of any weight or hindrance which could be bothering you. See "A Prayer for Deliverance from Bitterness" in ML #2672:174-195, pg.711, DB 10.)
Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family