THE AGE OF DECISION!     DO 2429          5/88

         1. THE TEEN YEARS ARE SUCH CRUCIAL YEARS! They say that most people make the decision of what they're going to do or be, or make their decision for the Lord during their early teen years, even as early as 12 years of age.
         2. THE EARLY TEENS IS A REAL AGE OF DECISION! That's the age I used to teach in school. It's really a FORMATIVE age, because they are still pliable & you can still mold them. But by the time they get to be older teens they've hardened in the mold & you can seldom change them.
         3. IT'S SUCH A CRUCIAL AGE! 12 years of age is the very HEIGHT of decision making, & when more kids receive the Lord & decide on what they're going to be & how they're going to live etc. It's so important!
         4. IT'S CALLED THE AGE OF DECISION. They make major decisions at that age. That's when most of them receive the Lord & decide on what they're going to do or be, their character. It's SUCH an important age, the teens. If they pull through the teens pretty well, it usually means they've pretty well shaped their life & molded their character, and if it's good, they'll BE good; if it's bad they'll probably STAY bad. So it's extremely important. To me it was the most challenging age to teach!
         5. IT IS AN AGE AT WHICH THEY ARE DECLARING THEIR INDEPENDENCE: "Mom & Dad, I don't need you any more, you're usually wrong & everything you do is not according to my standards!" They're extremely self-righteous at that age. They think that everybody else is wrong & they're the only ones that are really right, & they declare their independence, become little judges of everything you do!
         6. DOCTOR FAKKIMA WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A REAL EXPERT PSYCHOLOGIST ON EDUCATION OF TEENS, & he wrote some books on it. He said, "Well, that's the way the Lord made them so they would want to be independent, otherwise they might want to stay home with their parents & just be a baby all their lives!"--And that's what a lot of parents want them to be! They WANT them to stay home & NOT declare their independence.
         7. THE HIGHEST DROP-OUT AGE IS JUNIOR HIGH. In Japan it's also the highest suicide age. Highest violent age, highest suicide age. They're apt to get the most discouraged at that age, if they can't make it in school etc. If they make it to 16 they can usually make it the rest of the way through school & they graduate.
         8. BUT THE HIGHEST CRIME RATE, THE HIGHEST VIOLENCE RATE, THE HIGHEST DROP-OUT RATE, THE HIGHEST SUICIDE RATE IS THE JUNIOR HIGH YEARS! That's why they're so important. It's so important that we keep our teens & help them make it through those years, 13, 14 & 15. Because usually if they can make it through THOSE years, they'll make it ALL the way!
         9. THOSE ARE THE YEARS OF DECISION, THE YEARS OF INDEPENDENCE, THE YEARS OF CHOICE, the years of the real molding of their character. It's still malleable in those years but it hardens in the mold to where it's pretty well hardened to what it's going to be by the time they're 16. So if we can get them to make it through those years, they usually have got it made.
         10. AT THAT AGE THEY USUALLY HAVE THE VERY HIGHEST STANDARDS FOR EVERYBODY ELSE. It's an age when they really judge everybody harshly but themselves. THEY can do almost anything & get away with almost anything because they think that they ought to be independent & they know what's right & they know what they want & what they like & don't like & that's it, & nobody can tell them anything else!

"TRAIN UP A CHILD..."--PRO.22:6.

         11. DOCTOR FAKKIMA USED TO SAY, "IF YOU HAVE RAISED THEM RIGHT LIKE THE BIBLE SAYS, `Train up a child in the way he should go'--a CHILD--`& when he's OLD'--& he's OLD by the time he gets in his UPPER TEENS--`he'll not depart therefrom.'--Pro.22:6. He might depart for a little while, but he'll soon recognise that he's on the wrong track & come back!"
         12. SO IT'S AN AGE OF DECISION, IT'S AN AGE OF WANTING TO BE INDEPENDENT, it's an age of judgements! Dr. Fakkima said every teenager that age, the early teens, sits on a little throne & considers he is the right judge of the World, & he judges you & his parents, his teachers, the authorities, the whole WORLD, & considers that HIS decisions are the right ones, & he doesn't have to listen to ANYBODY! HE is the JUDGE! So about all you can do with that age is to train them right to begin with.
         13. WITH MY CHILDREN, WHEN THE FIRST FOUR GOT TO BE THAT AGE, our tactic with them was almost always to let them make their own decisions. When we put the responsibility squarely on THEIR heads, on THEIR shoulders, & showed them that THEY'RE the ones that had to make the decision, that THEY were the ones responsible, they were old enough now to KNOW what's right & wrong & to CHOOSE their way, then they really got serious about it, because they knew then they couldn't blame anybody else for it. They themselves would be to blame. And I don't ever remember them making the wrong choice.

THE "NURTURE & ADMONITION" YEARS!

         14. SO IF YOU'VE REARED'M IN THE NURTURE & ADMONITION OF THE LORD... I was thinking about that Scripture the other day.--Eph.6:4. NURTURE means FEEDING, nourishing, feeding'm on the Word. And ADMONITION, what is that?--WARNINGS, you've given them good DISCIPLINE, you told them what is right & what's wrong & you've disciplined them, you have admonished them, you've warned them of not doing wrong, and that if they do wrong they're going to suffer the consequences, the punishment.
         15. IF YOU HAVE DONE THAT UP TO THAT AGE WHEN THEY WOULD STILL RECEIVE IT--if up through age 12 or to age 12 you have given the right training, the right nourishment, the right nurture & the right discipline, the right admonition--then they have to make their OWN decisions from then on, but they will usually make the RIGHT ones & do the RIGHT thing, "and when he is OLD (upper teens) he will not depart therefrom."
         16. SO IF YOU HAVE REARED THEM RIGHT & IN THE LORD & HIS WORD, usually when they reach even THAT difficult age, they'll turn out RIGHT. They may fly off the handle, get independent & make some mistakes because they want to make ALL their own decisions, they may be rebellious and sometimes disobedient, but Doctor Fakkima used to say to ENCOURAGE them then to make their OWN decisions & tell'm, "Well, YOU know what's RIGHT, what do YOU think you should do?" You MUST encourage them to make their own decisions & LET them make their own decisions, even if sometimes they're WRONG, because he said at THAT AGE they HAVE to make their own decisions in order to stick to it. It's the age of decision. PTL!
         17. SO IF WE CAN GET THEM THROUGH THOSE JUNIOR HIGH YEARS THEN THEY CAN MAKE IT. But you have to let them more or less make it on their own & their own decisions. By that time, if you've trained them right, you must let them make their own decisions then. Even though YOU know what's right, you know what YOU want them to do, DON'T FORCE them to do what YOU want them to do in most cases, but there's a limit.
         18. TRY YOUR BEST TO GET THEM TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS, because only then will they stick to it. If they make their own decisions then they will do it, but if YOU force them to do what you want them to do against their will, even if they know it's the right thing, they'll be very hard to handle. Because they want to make their OWN decisions. They feel they're old enough to make them, & they ARE old enough to make them.
         19. DR. FAKKIMA SAID THAT'S THE TROUBLE WITH TOO MANY PARENTS, they don't think their child is capable of making their own decisions at that age, and of course if they haven't raised them right, they AREN'T capable. But that's the PARENTS' fault, not the child's. But if you have raised them right, or reared them as you should, in the nurture & admonition of the Lord, then they are trustworthy of making their own decisions at that age. It may not ALWAYS be the right decision, but they'll USUALLY make the right one. And when they DO make their own decisions, then they STICK to them. You don't have to force them & make them stubborn & rebellious by trying to insist & force them to abide by YOUR decisions, if you'll try to let them make their OWN decisions.
         20. MY MOTHER USED TO SAY, "DECISIONS, DECISIONS, LIFE IS NOTHING BUT DECISIONS!"--And that's true! I think that would be a good title for this talk, "The Age of Decision!" That's what we're here for, to make decisions! For the first 10 or 11 years nearly all your decisions are made FOR you & you're in your TRAINING years, your nurture & admonition years, your childhood years, but after that, from then on for the rest of your life you usually have to make your OWN decisions.

LEARNING FROM WRONG DECISIONS!

         21. TEENAGERS MUST BE ALLOWED TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS or they will be very rebellious & very angry that you force them to do something they don't want to do. Dr. Fakkima said it's better for them even to make the WRONG decision & then FIND OUT that they made a mistake & learn a lesson from it than to FORCE them to do what YOU know is right, & then they just get real stubborn & rebellious & even run away & all kinds of things.
         22. IT'S BETTER AT THAT AGE TO LEARN BY THEIR OWN CHOICES IF THEY DON'T ALREADY KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT & WRONG, & if they made the WRONG choices, to learn the LESSONS from them. But you must let them pretty much make their own decisions, with a little counsel, a little advice, a little word & consultation, admonition, to give them the Word & what you feel is right & wrong. "Well, Son, you know what's right" or "Daughter, you're old enough to make your own decision, you know what's right & wrong, YOU make it! If you're wrong, you'll learn; if you're right, we've taught you right, then you'll learn also that that was the right decision to make."
         23. SO THE EARLY TEENS IS THE AGE OF DECISION & THE MOST DIFFICULT AGE OF TEENAGERS, but it's the most CHALLENGING age & it's the most EXPLOSIVE age! I saw it in my classroom when I was teaching school, what potential they had! It was like they were beginning to EXPLODE into their real potentials! The real brains were just terrific, geniuses!--The real drivers, shakers, movers!

Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family