SEPARATIONS!--By Maria
8/87     Maria No.85               DO 2339
--Vital Counsel for all COUPLES, LEADERS & ADULT Family Members!

         1. I'M GETTING MORE CONVINCED ALL THE TIME THAT NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO TRY TO KEEP FAILING MARRIAGES TOGETHER! Maybe before, when we first started, we needed to work on relationships & marriages for the sake of the children etc. But right NOW, time is so SHORT, if we have any shaky problem marriages, I think we have a lot more important things to do than to try to make a major project of trying to fall back in love & get all romantic again, all submitted to each other etc.! It's more important to just start helping the WORLD & getting out & doing the WORK we're supposed to do!--And perhaps just agreeing to disagree, or separating, which might be even better.
         2. I ALMOST HATE TO SAY THIS, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE IN ALMOST EVERY INSTANCE WHERE PEOPLE HAVE HAD SERIOUS MARRIAGE PROBLEMS, IT'S BORNE GOOD FRUIT TO SEPARATE. Perhaps it can just be a TEMPORARY separation at first. But there's hardly one case that I know of which we have been personally knowledgeable about, in which we have either counselled people to separate, or another leader suggested it & we've agreed to it, I don't think there's been one case that hasn't borne good fruit.
         3. THE PARTIES INVOLVED HAVE GOTTEN CLOSER TO THE LORD, MORE DESPERATE WITH THE LORD, & IN ALMOST EVERY WAY IT'S DONE THEM GOOD. It seems like we're getting more & more into the "One Wife" situation, & it looks like for this particular time, this is what the Lord wants. At least we know He wants total dedication to Himself & to His Work, & in so many cases the former relationships had become too distracting.--Either people getting so wrapped up in each other that they can't do the Lord's Work, can't concentrate on it.--Or getting at each other's throats so much with so much contention & problems that they're a terrible sample!--And then they often feel so condemned & like such failures that they can't accomplish much for the Lord in this case, either. So either extreme, being too wrapped up in each other, or too contentious with each other, is a big distraction & hindrance to the Lord's Work.

         4. IT ALMOST SEEMS LIKE THE MOST FRUITFUL KIND OF RELATIONSHIPS ARE THOSE IN WHICH THEY ARE VERY CLOSE FRIENDS & WORK TOGETHER WELL. When couples are close friends & get along & work together well, but are not overly dependent on each other, not too romantically involved with each other, but complement each other's ministries, these are the ones that have really done the best. In other words, they do well together, but if they were APART they would ALSO do well. But because they do well together & complement each other, we don't want to separate them. But if they had to separate for the sake of the Work, they wouldn't have any problem with it, or at least not too much of a problem.
         5. OF COURSE, WE DON'T JUST GO AROUND SEPARATING PEOPLE FOR THE SAKE OF SEPARATING PEOPLE. I'm GLAD when people can stay together & get along well together. Thank God for all of our couples who are not at each other's throats, or who are not so wrapped up in each other that they can't see anything else! Sometimes such couples worry because they aren't very romantically involved or "in love" with each other. But the fact is that they can usually do the Lord's work better that way. Sad to say, it seems like a good deal of our couples have a hard time finding the right balance.

FIRST LOVE!

         6. THE LORD WANTS TO BE OUR HUSBAND, & I think that's the main conclusion that we're coming to. Having a big romantic love affair, maybe that's nice for a bonus once in awhile, but it just seems that if we put each OTHER first, we're not going to be putting the LORD first.--How can you? There's not enough time.
         7. BESIDES, THE LORD IS GOING TO REPAY, & THIS PRESENT TIME ISN'T GOING TO LAST MUCH LONGER ANYWAY. The Lord is going to make up everything, give us the desires of our hearts, & GREATLY repay us for the sacrifices we make, & it's not going to be so long from now. This is such a small sacrifice to make compared to what the Lord has in store for us! "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the GLORY that shall be revealed in us!"--Romans 8:18. PTL!
         8. BUT PEOPLE DON'T NEED TO BE FEARFUL, JUST WORRYING & WAITING FOR THEIR TURN TO COME! As I said, we're not going around trying to split people up unless there's a very GOOD reason for it or their relationship is presenting a big problem! If they COMPLEMENT each other & are a good TEAM together, we certainly don't want to split them up unless their service for the Lord somehow requires it! As Dad has said, "Whatever GLORIFIES GOD the most, that's what's BEST", praise the Lord!

LEADERSHIP'S INVOLVEMENT IN SEPARATIONS!

         9. SEPARATIONS ARE REALLY A SENSITIVE ISSUE--they are an affair of the HEART, & therefore are more sensitive than almost any other kind of situation. We want to be considerate of people's feelings, we want to help them decide for themselves what THEY feel is best & what THEY believe is the Lord's Will. Our people have got to learn to make decisions on their own, to get the answers for themselves. So leadership's involvement in separations cannot be coming in & saying, "Okay, you do this & you do that!" Our people have to see for THEMSELVES what's best & what is God's Will, otherwise they'll always blame their leadership for it.
         10. IT'S TRUE THAT THE LORD HAS GIVEN US THE AUTHORITY TO LEAD & GUIDE OTHERS, but with that authority comes the RESPONSIBILITY of LOVING & CARING for them, & making sure that they & their children are taken care of.
         11. SEPARATIONS ARE A VERY COMPLICATED ISSUE, & EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT. That's probably why a lot of our leadership have gotten themselves into a lot of trouble & created a lot of problems by trying to break people up. In many cases they probably saw that there really WAS a problem in the relationship, & they knew that everyone would be better off if a separation were to take place. But, sad to say, they didn't always know how to handle it very wisely.
         12. PERHAPS THE LEADERSHIP JUST CAME IN & DECREED THAT A COUPLE NEEDED TO SEPARATE without any real explanation or showing the parties involved the good fruit that it could bring forth in their lives. Often it makes it a lot easier for such couples if a little TEMPORARY separation is suggested.
         13. IN SOME OF THESE RELATIONSHIPS THEY'VE SIMPLY GOTTEN SO FAMILIAR OVER THE YEARS, IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM TO BREAK OUT OF THAT RUT, out of that mold, & they find in some ways that it's really a relief for them to be separated. Although it's difficult in other ways, particularly in their care for the children, in some ways it's a real break-through in the spirit & a relief & a lightness & a real peace, & almost everyone whose separations WE have had anything to do with has found that it has borne good fruit.
         14. SOMEONE MAY HAVE TO SUGGEST IT, BUT IF THEY JUST FLATLY IGNORE OR REFUSE THE SUGGESTION, IT'S THEIR DECISION BEFORE THE LORD & what they do is really up to THEM! It's their individual decision that counts, because if they are more or less FORCED to break up & they don't want to & they don't really agree in their hearts, you can do all you can for them, but if their hearts & their minds aren't in full agreement with you, they might as well be back together. "A man convinced against his will is of the SAME opinion STILL."
         15. IT'S SORT OF LIKE CHOOSING WHETHER OR NOT TO BE FULLY COMMITTED TO THE LORD, yielded to the Lord. Each one of us has to make that choice before the Lord, & we can't have anybody else make it for us. "Choose YE this day! Let every man be FULLY persuaded in his own mind!"--Josh.24:15; Rom.14:5.

TEMPORARY SEPARATIONS!

         16. WE CAN'T REALLY GIVE SPECIFIC RULES REGARDING ALL OF THIS BECAUSE EACH CASE IS DIFFERENT & each individual situation certainly needs to be handled differently, prayerfully & led of the Lord! In some cases we've suggested TEMPORARY separations. In fact, in some cases that's all that their marriage really needed, & when they separated for a few months they realised how much they actually loved & needed each other, & they sincerely wanted to straighten out & get victories, so they went to work on their problems, drew closer to the Lord & were able afterwards to get back together & go on in a much better relationship.
         17. A TEMPORARY SEPARATION IS ALSO HELPFUL IN THAT IT HELPS THE PARTIES DECIDE IF THEY REALLY WANT TO GO THROUGH WITH A PERMANENT SEPARATION OR NOT. They can see for themselves where they're at.
         18. IT'S WISE THAT SUCH FOLKS HAVE AT LEAST ONE CHANCE TO GET BACK TOGETHER AGAIN, if they so desire, after 3 or 6 months or something, & then they can judge how it went when they were separated & how it goes again when they're back together. It really helps the couple themselves to see what they need when they have that comparison.

YELLERS & HITTERS!

         19. ANOTHER ENTIRELY DIFFERENT KIND OF SITUATION, WHICH, THANK THE LORD, IS RARE, IS HAVING TO SEPARATE PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THEIR YELLING & SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER, or even getting violent, where they slap & hit each other. In serious cases like that, we don't have to merely meekly suggest that PERHAPS they should consider a separation, but we can then railroad things through!--Because if people are yelling at the top of their voices at each other, it's obvious that SOMETHING must be done IMMEDIATELY!
         20. THIS IS THE EXCEPTION TO OUR POLICY OF HAVING PEOPLE'S CONSENT IN SEPARATIONS. If they're causing a major problem like SCREAMING, YELLING, HITTING or SLAPPING each other, we don't exactly need to give them a suggestion to separate, we give them an ORDER!--Because it's breaking security rules! In fact, this sort of behaviour has even merited excommunication in the past!--And in such cases, it doesn't have to come from top leadership either, as there may not be any top leadership around.
         21. NO MATTER WHO IS AT FAULT, IF PEOPLE ARE SLAPPING EACH OTHER, YELLING, SCREAMING & CREATING A SECURITY DISTURBANCE, disturbing the peace, when things are THAT bad, something has to be done whether THEY agree to it or NOT! We just have to step in & tell them, "Okay, you've got to be taken apart because you're bad for security, you're a terrible sample!" Such people are an absolute REPROACH, not only to our own Family & our own children, but also to outsiders who might happen to hear them! In fact, they're not only a reproach & a terrible testimony, but a very bad SECURITY BREACH because the neighbours could justifiably call the police!
         22. SO I WOULD SAY SUCH PROBLEM COUPLES SHOULD BE REQUIRED TO AT LEAST TEMPORARILY SEPARATE FOR THREE MONTHS. You could wait until they do it again, & just give them a WARNING the first time, but you might have the police come the next time!--Or they might erupt into VIOLENCE in which someone gets seriously HURT! In other words, because of security implications & because of the terrible testimony it is for the Family, yelling & screaming like that definitely warrants at least an immediate temporary separation of three months.
         23. OUR PEOPLE ALREADY KNOW THAT ACTUAL PHYSICAL VIOLENCE WILL NOT BE ALLOWED OR TOLERATED AT ALL!--Dad has made it an excommunicable offense. But I think we can now modify that a little bit if the slapping or hitting wasn't too severe, because sometimes the other mate PROVOKES it so much that they're as much to blame, if not more so, than the person who actually does the slapping. So I'd say that instead of instant excommunication, we can modify that to say an instant SEPARATION in most cases.
         24. SO A GOOD SOLUTION WOULD BE SEPARATION INSTEAD OF EXCOMMUNICATION, a temporary separation. But if they get back together again after a few months & it happens again, then separate them PERMANENTLY!--And of course, if one of them starts beating up on or slapping someone ELSE around, excommunicate them!
         25. IF THEY DON'T AGREE WITH IT, THEN IT'S "GET THE VICTORY OR GET OUT!", they BOTH go! In other words, we don't really force them to split up, we simply lay down the Family law, the rules, & if they don't want to keep our rules, they can leave together. We don't force ANYONE to stay in the Family, & anyone who doesn't agree with our rules is welcome to leave!

COUPLES THAT WANT TO SPLIT!

         26. OBVIOUSLY, THE MOST COMMON CAUSE FOR SEPARATION IN THE FAMILY IS WHEN THE COUPLES THEMSELVES REQUEST IT, they originate the idea & suggest a separation themselves for some reason or other.
         27. THIS TYPE OF SEPARATION PRESENTS SO MANY PROBLEMS, I SOMETIMES WONDER IF WE CAN EVEN ALLOW PEOPLE THE LUXURY OF BEING APART FOR THREE MONTHS! But to just let people stew in their own juice, to MAKE them stay together & be burdened & worried about trying to get victories which they maybe never will get because they've gotten so familiar with each other, to just FORCE them to stay together because separations are so complicated & present so many problems, I don't want to do that. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, to let them have some time to reflect on their personal situation, to get away from each other for awhile. Sometimes situations like that become almost unbearable & the poor people certainly could use a rest from it & from each other, a little distance between them so they can pray & get the mind of the Lord. So I would like to give people that if we can.
         28. I THINK WE SHOULD TRY TO ALLOW PEOPLE A LITTLE BREATHING SPACE, a little room, especially if they're stuck in a real rut & they're discouraging each other & dragging each other down, critical of each other etc. I think we almost OWE it to them if they ask for it, to help them work out at least some kind of temporary situation of three months or so where they can at least get away from the situation.
         29. MANY TIMES THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEIR OWN POTENTIAL IS OR WHAT THEY CAN DO ON THEIR OWN. So if they want it, need it, & we can possibly arrange it, I think we should try. Of course, it presents hardships and difficulties for others, particularly when children are involved, but we're all supposed to be one Family & love one another, and if the situation desperately warrants a separation, then for that three-month period the Family will have to work it out and trust the Lord to have someone help them take care of their children when necessary.
         30. IF BOTH PARTIES REALLY LOVE THE LORD & ARE DESPERATE TO FIND HIS WILL, hopefully at the end of their time apart, if they're both sincere, the Lord is going to show them the same thing, whether or not they should get back together again. If they DON'T want to get back together, & want a PERMANENT separation, then that's much more serious, & a lot of factors have to really be weighed out, especially what's best for the children & their care.
         31. NOW WE DON'T WANT TO HAVE A WHOLE RASH OF SEPARATIONS JUST BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A VACATION from each other for awhile & because they think that maybe it will be easier for them if they're apart! We're talking about people that are really having PROBLEMS, or that are really being HINDERED by each other. USUALLY, I think the Lord requires people to try to get the victory in their situation where they ARE, instead of escaping it.

WHEN ONE MATE WANTS TO SEPARATE & THE OTHER DOESN'T!

         32. WHAT DO WE DO IF ONE PARTY WANTS TO SEPARATE & THE OTHER DOESN'T? I think in a case like that, the one that really wants to, who thinks it's of the Lord, should probably win out. In other words, they can say, "Well, why don't we TRY it for just a few months & see how it will work?"
         33. WE'RE NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT THE PLEASURE OR THE PERSONAL DESIRES OF A WOMAN OR OF A MAN, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE LORD'S WORK NOW & THE END OF THE WORLD & a desperate need to do our best for Jesus, to win souls, to accomplish all we can for the Lord! This changes things slightly.--It's not just a little man-woman situation, it's just not that simple any more.
         34. OF COURSE, OUR LEADERS NEED TO BE VERY, VERY PRAYERFUL & SPIRIT-LED WHEN COUNSELLING PEOPLE ABOUT SUCH SITUATIONS. Many times they'll have to get in there & OBSERVE for awhile & hear BOTH sides of the story. But even then, after you hear both sides, some people are much more convincing & much better salesmen than others, more persuasive, & can present THEIR side a lot more sincerely & believably than the other party can. But that doesn't necessarily mean that they're right, it may just mean that they're a better TALKER! So you're going to have to really PRAY & be SPIRIT-LED when counselling people about such changes & separations.
         35. AND IF THERE'S A CASE WHERE A COUPLE FEELS THAT THEY'RE BEING PRESSURED, that an injustice is being done to them, they should feel free to write personal letters, unread by anyone else, directly to their NO, so they can appeal & present their case.--And if the NOs need help or counsel in the situation, then they can write their CROS or write US! So the leadership needs to get in there & INVESTIGATE & find out what the situation really is. It can't just be because some girl happens to read something like this, so she decides that her husband is a little weak & blah blah blah! You can't just go by anybody's WHIM, such as when someone falls in love with someone else & figures they'd rather have someone else than their mate, who they now suddenly feel is too weak to suit them, so they request a separation.
         36. IF SOMEONE DOESN'T WANT TO LIVE WITH YOU, YOU OUGHT TO HAVE ENOUGH LOVE FOR THEM THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TRY TO FORCE THEM TO STAY WITH YOU, RIGHT? Who wants somebody to stay with them that doesn't WANT to be with them? It reminds me of a fellow I saw in a movie once, he said the most loving thing he ever did for his wife was to let her go, because he knew that's what she wanted to do.

REVIEW OF THE SEPARATION CATEGORIES!

         37. LET'S REVIEW WHAT WE'VE COVERED SO FAR: Basically we've got THREE CATEGORIES OF SITUATIONS that warrant separations. The first & most common is the category of the COUPLE that brings it up themselves, it's THEIR own idea that they want to separate. Either both of them or one of them wants to separate.
         38. THE SECOND CATEGORY ARE THOSE THAT HAVE A SERIOUS OPEN PROBLEM, such as loud arguing, screaming or even physical violence, & leadership simply needs to go in & say, "This is enough, you SEPARATE or get OUT of the Family!"
         39. AND THE THIRD CATEGORY, WHICH AS I SAID, WOULD BE JUST A VERY SMALL AMOUNT OF CASES, is where leadership definitely sees that people for some reason or another are mismatched, or they could do much more for the Lord if they were separated than being together, even though they might not even seem to have any big open problems.

GETTING BACK TOGETHER!

         40. FOR WHATEVER REASON THEY WERE ORIGINALLY SEPARATED, IF BOTH PARTIES WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER AGAIN, THEN I DON'T THINK ANYBODY SHOULD TRY TO STOP THEM, even in those cases where they were separated because they were screaming or being violent with each other. I think we have to take it in good faith if they want to get back together that they're not going to do it again. But if they do, the first time they do it again we will probably just have to separate them PERMANENTLY!
         41. BUT I DON'T THINK WE CAN DO THIS SORT OF THING TOO OFTEN. People can't just go back & forth, back & forth, back & forth & separate for 3 months, get back together for 3 months, separate for another 3 months etc. etc.! It's simply too much trouble for everybody. They're going to have to make up their minds permanently whether they want to stay apart or get together & STAY together!
         42. I THINK IT SHOULD BE THE COUPLE'S RESPONSIBILITY THEMSELVES TO GET BACK TOGETHER WHEN THEIR 3 MONTHS IS UP, they're the ones that should fight for it. If they want to get back together they should say, "Listen, LAS, DAS, NAS, whoever you are, our 3 months is up & we're going to get back together unless we hear from you otherwise!" They shouldn't write a letter & say, "Our 3 months is up, CAN we get back together?" If they both want to get back together, then they should simply notify their leadership that that's what they're planning on doing unless they hear otherwise.

WHEN COUPLES DON'T WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER!

         43. WHAT HAPPENS IF AFTER THEIR TEMPORARY 3-MONTH SEPARATION, THEY DECIDE THEY WANT TO BE PERMANENTLY SEPARATED? If they've got a lot of CHILDREN, then we have to be very careful, very prayerful, & it's a very BIG step that the couple is deciding to take, & they'd better have the FAITH for it!--And we should do all we can to try to see that whatever is best for the CHILDREN is what's worked out.
         44. IN MOST CASES THE COUPLE USUALLY HAS TO SPLIT UP THE CHILDREN, unless they agree that one is going to take all of them & can somehow manage that way. But I suppose the normal thing is that they split up the children because it would be too much of a burden on either one of them to take all of the kids themselves.
         45. WE'VE HAD A NUMBER OF CASES WHERE THE HUSBAND WAS ABLE TO LEAVE HIS WIFE WITHOUT ANY REAL PROBLEM BECAUSE SOMEBODY ELSE HAD VOLUNTEERED TO TAKE CARE OF HER & THE KIDS, or she fell in love with someone else & someone else with her, & they'd gotten together. So in effect, the children already have another Daddy, so there wasn't really much problem with it. In a case like that he's not really deserting her. She's cared for & in some cases, she may have gotten what she wanted.
         46. IN CASES WHERE THEY DECIDE TO PERMANENTLY SEPARATE, THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE THE FAITH THAT THEY CAN MAKE IT ON THEIR OWN, with the Lord, of course, if that's really His Will. They can't just be following their own selfish desires, they have to have faith that the Lord will provide for them. The wife can't just expect that leadership is somehow going to give her a fulltime bread-winner. So such couples that permanently separate who have a lot of kids, are going to have to have a lot of faith that the LORD is going to supply & that they're not going to be a burden on others. If they have each other & they can make it TOGETHER, then before they separate they are going to have to have a lot of faith that they can make it APART!--Without overburdening others.
         47. CHILDREN NEED PARENTS, & EVERY CHILD NEEDS BOTH A MOTHER & A FATHER IF POSSIBLE. So for the children's sake, our Family's sake & our witness & sample's sake, such cases must be handled very prayerfully, as some of these separations of large families have been a very poor testimony.

ARGUING IN FRONT OF CHILDREN!

         48. IF THE PARENTS ARE SUCH TERRIBLE EXAMPLES TO THEIR OWN CHILDREN OF CONSTANTLY NAGGING, ARGUING, FIGHTING & SHOWING A REAL LACK OF LOVE & CONSIDERATION, in cases like that it's almost better that they separate & not be such a terrible example! In some cases the mother & father seem to be good to the children, but horrible to each other, so we almost have to decide which is the most important: To get rid of the bad sample or to keep the mother's & father's care there for the kids. It certainly seems that if parents in the Family REALLY love their children, that they would be absolutely DESPERATE to get the victory over such problems!--Or at least to keep them from being so open & so obvious that it will damage their kids!
         49. MY GOODNESS, IF YOU HAVE THE LORD, YOU CAN CERTAINLY DO SOMETHING TO PREVENT SUCH A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE EXAMPLE BEING SHOWN TO YOUR OWN CHILDREN! Fighting & fussing & arguing all the time results in real INSECURITY for the poor kids. Even if they know the mother & the father love THEM, if they're afraid that the father & mother are going to split up all the time, or they're afraid they're going to hit each other or hurt each other, they're not going to be too secure about anything!

OTHER PERTINENT POINTS!

         50. ANOTHER POINT REGARDING THE CHILDREN IS THAT IF THE PARENTS ARE GOING TO SEPARATE, even a temporary 3-month separation, they need to make sure to wisely & lovingly give some kind of EXPLANATION to the children. They could tell them something like, "Well, just like you kids get spankings sometimes when you're bad & you have lessons to learn, Mommy & Daddy have some lessons to learn now too. So we're going to be apart for awhile so we can get closer to the Lord & seek Him & His Will & learn the lessons He wants to teach us.--And then, Lord willing, we will be back together again in just a few months."--Or whatever the case is. They OWE it to their children to somehow explain it to them & not just to be silent about it & act like nothing's happened, which will just confuse the poor kids.
         51. ANOTHER POINT WORTH MENTIONING HAS TO DO WITH THOSE WHO ARE HAVING A TEMPORARY SEPARATION BECAUSE THEY WERE PUTTING EACH OTHER BEFORE THE LORD & HIS WORK: If an overly romantic relationship is what CAUSED their problems in the first place, they should be cautioned not to go out & immediately start another big love relationship with someone else! If they get all romantically involved right away in ANOTHER relationship, they may wind up right back in the same problem that they just came out of!--So why suggest they separate or even ALLOW them to separate if they're going to jump right back into the same kind of situation that was holding them back & causing them trouble in the first place? If their problem is serious enough to warrant a SEPARATION, they should use their time apart to concentrate on the LORD & to renew their relationship with HIM, & not seek out another human relationship in which they'll get all entangled again!
         52. SOMETHING ELSE TO BE AWARE OF IS THAT WHEN TWO PEOPLE DO HAVE TO SPLIT UP, BUT THEY STILL LOVE EACH OTHER, or even if ONE of them is still in love with the other, it's really difficult for them if they have to stay together in the same Home or the same situation. Very rarely should they both remain in the same Home.--Only if BOTH of them are desperately needed! In almost all cases it would be much better to separate them & put them in SEPARATE Homes, if possible.
         53. AS I SAID, THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFICULT THINGS REGARDING THIS TOPIC THAT WE HAVE TO REALLY BE PRAYERFUL & SPIRIT-LED! A lot has to do with the people themselves & what they WANT to do & what THEY decide, but a lot is also up to US as their SHEPHERDS & overseers in the Lord. Each situation, each couple, each individual needs to be dealt with individually, personally, prayerfully & carefully.
         54. GOD HELP US ALL TO LAY ASIDE THE WEIGHTS & SINS THAT SO EASILY BESET US, so we can run the race that is set before us, & channel our time & energies, desires & strengths into winning the WORLD to Jesus in these last desperate hours in which so much depends upon us & our faithfulness to the Lord & our preaching of the Gospel & winning all whom we can into His Eternal Kingdom!
         55. P.S. PLEASE BEAR IN MIND THAT THE POINT OF THIS TALK, & OUR OBJECTIVE, IS NOT TO SEPARATE & BREAK UP ALL OF OUR COUPLES!--There's a DIFFERENCE between couples who are going through temporary "growing pains", minor problems & conflicts, & those that have reached a DEAD END & are absolutely hindered, ineffective & spiritually stagnated because of the marital rut they've gotten themselves into!--Some people are simply INCOMPATIBLE as mates!
         56. MOST COUPLES WHO ARE HAVING PROBLEMS SHOULDN'T REACT TO THIS WITH, "ALRIGHT!--LET'S BREAK IT UP!" Their FIRST reaction should be, "Let's get DESPERATE with the LORD & see if we can work things out!"--Like the parable of the man who had sought fruit on the fig tree for THREE YEARS, who felt like giving up & cutting it down.--But the dresser of the vineyard said, "Let it alone till I dig around it & dung it: And if it bear fruit, well. And if not, then AFTER that thou shalt cut it down." (Luk.13:6-9)--Give each other--and GOD--a CHANCE! Then, if after an agreed time, you STILL can't "get it together", THEN perhaps try a temporary separation!--Amen? God bless & lead you & make you a BLESSING!

Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family