DAD'S HOMEGOING CELEBRATION!--By Maria
Maria #235 DFO 2949 10/94

         (Before the burial, the Staff is gathered, sitting in comfortable chairs around Dad's coffin, where his body is lying peacefully. The Family is happily sharing thoughts and testimonies of Dad, his Homegoing and things from the Word about this special time, when Mama arrives. Someone gets up to close the curtain on a window close to where Mama sits, so the light won't hurt her eyes, as even with her eyes closed she is still sensitive to light. They also adjust the tape recorder. Someone goes to close the curtains on another window, but Mama indicates it's not necessary:)

         1. YOU CAN OPEN THOSE CURTAINS--let's not make it too dark and gloomy in here!--Ha! You have to have it "night" for me most of the time, but today is a special day. (Fam: Mama, could you share with everyone what you told me this morning about how Dad will be so busy Up There?) Okay!--But you'd better stop right there and not give my punch line away, or I'll make you tell them the whole thing!--Ha! As I've said, there are always people who can say it better than I can, so I might let you try. If there's something that I want to say but I already have in my hand something from someone else that is just as well said as I could say it, or even better, why not just use it?
         2. That's why we sometimes publish reactions from people and things that they've said that are better than we could say it.--Better perhaps because they've gone through the experience themselves and they have personal experiences to share about it and they can speak from their heart and firsthand knowledge of it. I could say something that I really do know is the truth, but I haven't experienced it personally. You may not have to go through those experiences to have just as strong a conviction on some matter, but if you can speak from personal experience, it is even more effective for those you share it with. Or if I can't speak from my own personal experience, I can use someone else's, just as you can, and that's very effective too.
         3. (To David and Techi:) You kids can't say "I took drugs," and I can't say "I took drugs" either!--But you can have just as much of a personal conviction that you shouldn't take drugs as somebody that's taken drugs. I do! I have just as strong a personal conviction that I shouldn't take drugs and that they're not good for me and all the evils of them, as if I had taken them.
         4. But if you have a personal testimony in some area, that can be especially effective. Of course, the Lord can get through to the people to whom you're speaking whether or not you can say, "I did the same things you did." In order to get through to people and to show them the Love of Jesus and that He has the answer to their problems, you don't have to say, "Yes, I was a drug addict too; yes, I had an abortion too; yes, I shot someone to death too; yes, I was into car theft also." It's not at all necessary. However, if you do have a testimony like that, the Lord expects you to use it.
         5. But that's just one "gift" that God gives some soul-winners--an outstanding or dramatic testimony that helps other folks who have gone through the same thing to see God's Love and forgiveness. There are many other soul-winning "gifts," and God distributes different ones to different people. To some He gives a wonderful knowledge of the Word; to some a gift of memory to be able to quote the Word; to others a gift of being able to tell stories and anecdotes; to others a particularly outstanding physical appearance; to some a physical handicap, like our dear Fe in Latin America or Michael Wheelchair in Australia, or the young man who stammered so badly that Grandpa told us about. (See ML #1951:42.)
         6. Others have the gift of music and singing; others have the gift of boldness; others have almost a magical rapport with people, to where they immediately open up and pour out to them; others have a gift of humour; some are a wealth of facts and figures; some have talents of clowning or art or dance that can help win souls; others He gives the gift of tears, where they cry for those they are witnessing to--tears that can move the hardest hearts. Each person is unique and has something that the Lord can use, that He has given them especially for their situation and the job they have to do for Him. You can probably think of other gifts--inborn or acquired--that God uses in our soul-winning.
         7. Even shyness can be a gift! Some people have been won by a witness who wanted to run the other way but stood their ground, even though shaking in their shoes and stumbling in their speech. The person to whom they were witnessing was so touched by their effort that he didn't want to disappoint them; he admired their bravery and wanted to have whatever it was that made them so courageous and full of conviction.
         8. There have been innumerable soul-winners throughout the ages that haven't had a dramatic testimony!--They've just had the gifts that God has given them. Some of those "gifts"--like a few we just listed above--didn't even seem like gifts to some people. Some of the great soul-winners have been more remembered for what they didn't have--education, polish, sophistication--than for what they did have. People could hardly believe that men so "unlearned and ignorant" could be having such success and winning thousands to the Lord, and they came out to find the secret.
         9. The secret, of course, was the Spirit of God through a yielded vessel who was willing to shine for Jesus in spite of their weaknesses and handicaps and the things they didn't have.--And just use the things they did have. There have been multitudes of soul-winners through the ages who haven't necessarily been able to relate to everything that the folks they were preaching to had gone through, and they've still been able to win many of those people to Jesus. Praise the Lord!
         10. Although I didn't really know what I was going to say when I sat down with you, I expected, of course, that we would be talking all about Dad and what his life here meant to us, as well as all about Heaven and what his life There now means for him and for us. So this talk on soul-winning is a surprise! But I think I can understand why we got on this subject. I have a feeling that Dad inspired it, because he felt that it would be the most appropriate thing in the World to talk on the subject that was dearest to his heart--that of witnessing and winning souls. This is the kind of celebration he would be most happy with, to hear us encouraging all of you that you can be good witnesses to fulfil the vision that he had from the very beginning. What more important subject could we talk about in commemoration of Dad's Homegoing than witnessing and winning the World for Jesus?
         11. When you Family kids are witnessing and the Devil tells you that you don't have a testimony and people aren't going to listen to you because you haven't done the same things they have, that's a lie! We have a lot of adults who were good Christians before joining the Family, but they were nevertheless able to witness very effectively to the hippies and the drug addicts. Look at Esther David, she was a good church girl like me--and Faithy, Ho and Aaron--you couldn't find better soul-winners than that!
         12. They didn't have horrible testimonies of all the terrible pits of the System they'd been in, and all the drugs and crime and this and that, but they were still able to win many people to the Lord. They used the diverse gifts they had, whatever God had especially given to them, and by His Spirit He won hearts through them.
         13. They weren't all musicians, they weren't all Bible scholars, they didn't have a traumatic testimony, and some, like Aaron, seemed downright crazy--crazy for Jesus and crazy about Jesus and crazy about the Word and a fool for Christ's sake! The Lord will take anything you have or you don't have and He'll use it, if you'll let Him. It's just a lie of the Devil that you have to have that kind of testimony in order to witness effectively and to win people.
         14. We have enough people in the Family, too, that if you get stuck and need a certain kind of testimony, you can use somebody else's! It doesn't have to be your testimony; tell them about someone else's! One of our staff members just told me that when she was won to the Lord and to the Family, the fellow who witnessed to her showed her some verses from the Bible and gave her a New Nation News with printed testimonies of others who had found the Lord!--And she was hooked! Even if you only know of one person in the whole World who was delivered from something similar, you can tell the person you're witnessing to, "If God did it for that one person, He can do it for you!"
         15. Don't let the Devil say, "Oh, you don't have a good enough testimony." That's crazy! I witnessed and won people to Jesus before I even joined the Family--without a "traumatic" testimony, without a guitar, without a Family sample, without being able to spiel off long lists of verses or tell moving stories or funny jokes. Moreover, I was shy, I couldn't speak well, and had an inferiority complex on top of that.--And to make matters worse, I had a bad case of pimples. But I did the job!--Because I knew I was supposed to!--With Jesus, His Holy Spirit and a few verses in a little tract. But when I realised that it wasn't enough just to work for Jesus in my "spare time" in the little bit of time that I could sometimes fit into my very busy college schedule, I decided Jesus was more important and a lot more worthwhile than wasting my life in useless, boring, unfulfilling studies.
         16. When I joined the Family I had no idea what the Family was. I just heard Faithy and Ho speak from the pulpit of a church to which they had been invited. The only thing I knew when they were done speaking was that they had a burden for souls and they were doing something about it--and doing more than anyone else I had heard of. And the Lord convicted me that I should be doing the same.
         17. And they accepted me just like I was, with no qualifications, no special soul-winning talents--only a desire to love people with Jesus' Love. And that's all God requires--whether you're a witnesser on the street or a teacher of our little ones, or a Teamworker in one of our Homes, or one of the leaders of this Family. In spite of what we don't have, God can use us if we desperately want that with all our hearts, and we are willing to make the sacrifices of yielding that He requires.
         18. If you want to talk about someone that has no special talents, just look at me! About the only practical things I ever learned were at the insistence of my father when I took typing and shorthand in school; but I haven't used those for years. I've never organised a Home nor written a schedule, I haven't run a kitchen, I can't cook, I can't sew. I don't prophesy, I don't get visions. I don't know a thing about computers. I have a bad memory; have no particular talent for singing, can't play the guitar. I'm not a public speaker, and the list could go on and on! I have little physical strength, my eyesight for all intents and purposes is gone. I'm a semi-invalid, pretty much confined to home. There is only one thing that I can do for Jesus, and that is talk to you about Him and your service for Him, and this I do with all my heart and might. Even if we only have one talent, the Lord can multiply it and use it greatly if we are willing.
         19. I've got to be honest and admit that I am occasionally tempted to feel handicapped because of all I don't know and all I don't know how to do, and the Lord always chides me, "What good would those things do you anyway?--I've given you this job, and you don't need to do those jobs!" But I say, "Lord, what if I do need to do those things in the future? What if some day I need to be a public speaker? What if some day I need to organise a Home or a large project? What if some time I need to teach a Bible class and I can't remember a thing?"
         20. And again the Lord chides me, "Take no thought for tomorrow." And, "That's what I've made you a Family for--so that each can fulfil the particular job I've given them and feel that their job is important and needed, because not everyone can do it. Why do you want to be able to do everything when you don't have the time to do everything anyway? Everyone has their special place and their job that I have for them, so why do they need to do anybody else's job?"
         21. I guess there is a great sense of satisfaction in knowing that you can be self-sufficient if you have to, or that you can have multiple talents that make you more useful and necessary. But the Lord didn't intend for every person to be able to do everything. In fact, He said, "Let every man abide in the calling wherein he is called."--1Cor.7:20.
         22. So this is a little talk that is meant to encourage any of you who don't feel talented enough or skilled enough, or specially gifted. Just do whatever you can do with all your heart as unto the Lord and not unto Man. Don't compare yourself to others or blame your circumstances, or blame the Lord. Just determine in your heart that you will be the best little daisy that you can be, with His help. "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do (or is capable of doing), do it with all thy might" (Ecc.9:10), and don't worry about all the other people who can do a lot of other things that you can't do. Just be faithful where you are, and God will greatly reward you in His good time for being faithful and cheerful in your job, whatever it is.
         23. So whether we're witnessing to the Family (as I do), or whether we're witnessing to our children (as you teachers and parents do), or whether we're witnessing to the lost in the System (as all of you should be doing), we just have to know that the Lord will use us however He has made us if we simply do our best for Him and don't worry about all of our handicaps. I'm not only preaching to you, I'm preaching to myself. But it's true--we can't worry about our handicaps, that's the Lord's business. The Lord made us that way!

Looking at Weaknesses the Way the Lord Does!
         24. It seems as though the Lord has made some people weak for His glory, and some people strong for His glory, and whatever way He made them, that's the way He wanted them! I thought the prophecy that someone got on that subject not long ago was striking and food for thought: "Each of you have that which has been given unto you, whether it be strong or whether it be weak. Each of you have been given gifts from your Heavenly Father. Think not that it is ye yourselves that have gained these things, but they have been gifts unto you, whether they be for strength or whether they be for weakness. Whether ye be strong or whether ye be weak is only for Me to determine. It is given unto you to have faith to cling and hold on to that which I have given unto you." If He made someone weak with certain handicaps, that's the way He planned for them to be.
         25. Even with your NWOs: If you can't get the victory over them but you're doing all you can and you love the Lord, maybe the Lord planned it that you would not be able to conquer those things. (Fam: It also says, "God hath chosen the foolish things of the World to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the World to confound the things which are mighty."--1Cor.1:27. He could have chosen people who weren't weak, but He's chosen the weak.) That's for sure! We don't want to look down on weaknesses, even our own weaknesses, or belittle them too much, because the Lord apparently has a plan that some of us have certain weaknesses that He wants to use in that way and that we may not even get the victory over.
         26. Now that doesn't mean you shouldn't try and you shouldn't do as much as you can to overcome your weaknesses. However, when you've done what you can and you're still not satisfied, you have to make a choice: Either to allow yourself to be discouraged, condemned and immobilised because you figure, "It's no use, I'm never going to get the victory!"--Or, to say to the Lord, "You know my heart. I've tried my best. Now I'm just not going to worry about it any more and I am going to go on and do what I can do and use my strength for You. I'm going to try to forget my weaknesses and not let them hinder me. I want to forget what I don't have and just concentrate on the strengths I do have!"
         27. Like that beautiful song I've mentioned before, "He looked beyond my fault and saw my need." That's what the Lord does with all of us.--He overlooks our faults and not only sees our needs, but sees our strengths and is proud of us for how we use what He has given us for His glory. The faults and weaknesses and NWOs are minor to the Lord in comparison with everything else. To us they seem pretty big, and to those who have to deal with us about them they seem pretty big, but they're really not that big to the Lord!
         28. Over and over I'm convinced of this, because in every prophecy session we've had for someone, the Lord has looked beyond the faults. He has minimized the faults and maximized the potential. Practically everybody we've had prophecies over, no matter how serious their problems have been, what the Lord has to say is always very uplifting. The Lord sees the potential and the wonderful future that that person can have if they'll just make the right decision. So with most of our folks who really love the Lord and are trying to serve Him, but just have weaknesses and difficulties, the Lord doesn't criticize or condemn. He speaks so positively of how we can overcome the difficulties.
         29. We need to look at things more like the Lord looks at them. When we've had prayer and prophecy for people, we need to read over those prophecies and see what the Lord says to these people who are trying hard and who are yielded, but just have a few problems. It's amazing how whenever we ask the Lord about them, the Lord doesn't highlight their faults or harp on them, He doesn't criticise or condemn. He's always looking at the potential. He says, in effect, "You can do it! Don't worry about those things, get up and keep going! You can be great for Me, you have so much potential! Just take that step of faith, reach out to Me. I'll take you by the hand and together we can do it!"
         30. That's how the Lord looks at us--so why shouldn't we look at ourselves and others in the same way? That's what He's trying to get us to do. Those prophecies are things direct from the Lord about specific people. After you've read quite a few of them, you start thinking, "Now wait a minute, either the Lord's right or we're right.--And if we're right, then the Lord must be wrong." The Lord can't be wrong, so that means that our way of looking at people needs to change.
         31. Of course, you can't just close your eyes to problems. Shepherds, especially, have to be conscious of people's problems and NWOs that affect the whole Work and other people and their ministry. But we've also got to keep our eyes on the way the Lord sees people and looks at people, and realise that there's another dimension. We shouldn't get so engrossed in people's faults that we don't see them the way the Lord sees them. And we should follow the sample of the Lord, Whose rebukes, when He must give them, are so loving and compassionate that they challenge and encourage us and give us tremendous hope that we can do better. They motivate us to change because He loves us and expects it of us and knows we can do it.
         32. This is all tied in, believe it or not, with what you asked me to tell you! I hope I don't lose my train of thought, but I'm trying to get around to it. Lord help me!

Don't Be Remorseful--Forget the Past!
         33. Last night I was doing what I told you all not to do. I suppose I had to do it just to see how human it is and how easy it is to do. I was feeling remorse over all my faults and failings with Dad.--How I hadn't been good enough to him, I hadn't been loving enough, I should have done this and I should have done that. Oh my, I had a long, long list. Every time I'd think of one I'd think, "Oh, I'm not supposed to be doing this!"--But I'd just go on anyway. Then another one would come and I'd think, "Now wait a minute, I just can't get into this vein!" There were so many!
         34. I think I was just wanting to sort of give myself a spanking for all my lacks and failures, so I kept adding them all up! I wanted to be sure I was meting out proper justice!--Ha! I was going to do penance and I wanted to be sure I covered everything, so the list went on and on and on. It must have taken me a couple of hours, and for me, that's a long long time to be flagellating myself!--Ha!
         35. Then the added thought hit me, "Oh no! Now Dad can actually know some of these things he wasn't even aware of!"--Like sometimes when Dad was watching a documentary, which I couldn't watch because of my eyes, and would occasionally share little comments, I was actually listening to my taped reports and not tuning in to what he was saying, and just grunting, "Uh huh." I thought, "Oh no, now he's going to know all about that, when I had managed to keep it from him so successfully." Well, at least I think I did, maybe I didn't! Maybe he already knew but he was just being sweet about it. That would be very much like him!
         36. I was being remorseful and regretful, and what are some other words that describe how you feel when you start going down that road? (Family: Condemned, guilty, nostalgic.) Yes, all of those. I was reproaching myself and blaming myself for missing many golden opportunities to love Dad more and care for him better. This kept me up until late that night. I was thinking, "Oh dear, that's terrible! Dad probably thought I was really taking good care of him and paying attention to him, and now he's going to know the awful truth!"--That there were some times when I didn't! And I went on and on. Finally I said, "Lord, this has got to stop, I've got to go to sleep!"
         37. Then the happy thought came to me that I was going through all of this so that I would want to talk about it and share my victories so that others could be comforted with the same comfort. I had never had big battles with condemnation before, so this experience was acquainting me with it very personally. I was learning firsthand how it feels and how you can torture yourself when someone you love leaves. All of us have to go through some things for the sake of others, so at least that made me happy that it wasn't all just a waste of time, with the Devil causing me to lose all this sleep when I had so many more positive things that I needed to be thinking about.
         38. So the Lord comforted me that it was very natural and what everybody goes through when they lose someone very dear to them who they have been close to in the flesh. In a way, it's a purification process, and it helps you if you ask forgiveness and the Lord forgives you. As I've said before, it's good to reflect a little bit on some of those things so you'll resolve in your heart to do better with others in the future.
         39. It helps you to see, "These are the areas I need to improve in. I need to be more considerate of people. What if I don't have them around with me tomorrow, what am I going to do, how would I react?" You have to get all of that out and you have to resolve that by God's grace you're going to do better. But then you have to forget it, and you can't just continue to harp on that fault or failing and go over and over and over it. You're going to be immobilised if that's all you're thinking about. If you're constantly thinking of the past and all of your mistakes, you're never going to go on to the future and the work that the Lord wants you to do.
         40. So after we've thought about it a little bit, then we've got to forget the past! When the Lord says, "Forget the past," obviously you must have had to think about it, otherwise how could you forget it? So you think about it and you do whatever it takes to change things for the future. That's why we have lessons from the past, so that the Lord can change our hearts and make us more loving and compassionate. That's one of the reasons the Lord lets us have some of these experiences and make some of these mistakes, so we'll cry out to Him desperately for more love and compassion and understanding, and let Him make us new creatures that can be more useful to Him.
         41. So we do need to reflect on these things sometimes. It's not like we can just say, "Oh yes, I made that mistake, I'm sorry" and go on. To a certain extent we need to analyse our failures so that we don't make them again, but we can't do that for very long. You have to get it over with and you have to know that you're forgiven and you have to rebuke condemnation. You have to refuse to think about your failures any more. The Lord says, "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus."--Rom.8:1. Just forget the past! After we've gotten what we can out of it--which shouldn't take too long, because we don't have that much time to spend on it--we'd better stop it and turn around and forget it and just keep going for the Lord!
         42. When I was thinking about how Dad can now see all my faults and failures more clearly than ever, and now he's going to really feel bad about all these things I didn't do for him that I should have done for him--spending more time with him and paying more attention to his needs, this huge list of things--I thought, "Now wait a minute, this is crazy, because the Lord blots out our transgressions and He doesn't remember them against us any more!" --Psa.103:10-14.
         43. Dad's in Heaven with Jesus, and people There are like Jesus! We're supposed to even be like Jesus now, so how much more will we be able to follow Him and be like Him when we go to be with Him in the Heavenly City! So however Jesus looks upon us, that's how our departed loved ones are going to look on us. Jesus overlooks our faults and remembers them against us no more, and I think that's how Dad is going to look at us, too.
         44. I don't believe when people get to Heaven they're going to want to look back at our past slate and all the black marks: "Hmm, interesting. Oh yes, that's when they did something behind my back; that's when they could have spent more time with me; that's when they went through the motions, but their heart wasn't in it; that's when they should have prayed more for me when I was sick." They probably can know sometime if they want to, but I don't think they're going to want to know.
         45. I don't think we have any basis whatsoever to believe that either the Lord or our loved ones are going to be opening up the books and looking at every little thing we ever did wrong. The record may be all there, but I don't think the record is for that purpose, that our loved ones are going to go down the list and say, "Let's see, what did he do to me last month that was unkind or unloving?" It just doesn't make sense, it's not logical, and I don't think that our loved ones are even going to be interested in seeing any of that. They're going to want to think the best about us, and they're going to look and see and just remember the good things and the loving things and the sweet things and the good times they had with us. When they look at us right now in the present, that's all they're going to see. They're going to expect the good from us and the potential from us, and they're not going to even expect anything bad from us.
         46. Even if Dad were to look down my list of sins and failures, I have so much confidence in his great love for me--just like the Lord's--that I know he would love me in spite of them. I can see him saying with a chuckle, "Oh, you little rascal! I never knew you did that! You never told me about that!" And, "Well, you were just tired, Honey!" Or, "You had so much to do--you couldn't do that too!" Or, "You weren't feeling well, so I understand why you didn't come to the meeting." This is the way Dad always was. He was constantly giving me the benefit of the doubt, constantly excusing me for my shortcomings, constantly thinking only the best. He wouldn't even let me talk negatively about myself, he just didn't want to hear it or believe it. I am so convinced of Dad's love and the Lord's Love that I know they overlook my faults and love me anyway. Dad always showed me the unconditional love of the Lord in every respect.--And now, in that wonderful Land of Love, how could things be any different?

Forgiveness and Dad's Wonderful Sample!
         47. So remember: Neither the Lord nor Dad are going to be counting up your sins and holding them against you. Everything is forgiven, and those things are not remembered against you. I don't think Dad probably remembers them at all. Even naturally in the flesh he had a wonderful talent for quickly forgetting people's mistakes and faults.
         48. For example, remember when Dad gave the talk, "You Are Your Own Worst Enemy"? (ML#1945) He gave quite a rebuke, but I remember that same day, as he was leaving the living room, he went and hugged L. and gave her a mock spanking on her bottom, and then looked her in the eyes and said, "Honey, I'm just spanking you because I love you." Then afterwards he went out to the pool, and when someone asked him, "Who would you like to swim with today?" He said, "Oh, I think it should be L., of course!" He wanted to spend time with her to show her that he still loved her and wasn't holding it against her.
         49. This brings to mind a very important point, that not only should we express special love for our children after we chasten them, but we must remember to show special love and concern for all of our folks after we correct them! Don't just think it's a matter of your children, but everyone needs your special love after a spanking. We need to be always conscious of that.
         50. It may be hard to do when you're upset at somebody and you've just given them a correction for something. But it means so much to them when you put your arm around them and say, "Don't worry, I really love you. Are you all right?" Well, they don't feel all right, of course, but they will later. So you can tell them, "Everything is going to be all right later when you realise that your whole life hasn't collapsed. Everything is not over just because of this one mistake, and people aren't looking down on you. Everyone loves you, and all of us admire you for taking this correction so bravely. We're praying for you and want to help you all we can. Please just come to us at any time if you need to talk." Words of comfort and encouragement are very important. Let's not neglect to say them.
         51. Back to the story: About a month or two later, Dad said something to the effect of, "L. is so cheerful and nice to be around and I really like her!" I said, "Yes, that talk really has done her a world of good." "What talk was that?" he asked.--He'd forgotten all about it! This was not unusual for Dad: It happened time after time.--Not because he had a naturally bad memory: It was more a spiritual thing. He forgot it in the spirit, he didn't hold it against you. Maybe the scolding and reproof was rough for a day or two or three, sometimes maybe a week, but then it was completely gone!--Washed away, wiped out, and he didn't even remember it any more.
         52. Another case of Dad's wonderful sample of forgiveness happened when we moved to a new country and had to take on a new staff member to be a translator and helper. He had only been with us a few days when he made the mistake of forgetting to put the furnace thermostat at the proper setting for the night. Since it was Winter, Dad woke up in the middle of the night shivering and cold, and called downstairs to talk to our dear new staff member. After finding out the mistake that was made, Dad strongly scolded him and cautioned him about the importance of his job and ministry of properly taking care of his king and queen. It was a major mistake and could have had more serious consequences, with Dad becoming ill with a cold, which for elderly people often results in complications, like pneumonia, etc.
         53. A couple of months later, at our New Years Eve's Praise meeting, our new staff member said he was most thankful for Dad's loving rebuke and the valuable lessons that he learned from it. Dad reacted with, "I've never scolded you, son. I don't remember you ever making a mistake while you've been with us."
         54. I gently tried to remind Dad of the incident, as we were all very aware of it. Dad looked at me and said, "But he has been such a tremendous blessing and I can't remember anything wrong that he has done while here." We all smiled but thanked the Lord that in this one area He had made Dad so able to forget. He apparently wanted to forget the bad and think only of the good, and thus the Lord had given him that gift of quickly being able to erase the negative.
         55. Anyway, if you need more assurance that Dad has forgiven you for your past mistakes, and you feel bad because now you can't hear him tell you he forgives you, I hereby do it for him. I, in his name, forgive you. You are absolved, and he is not going to think about it any more or worry about where you blew it or whether you weren't loving enough to him or whatever. I can practically assure you 100% that that's not what he's going to do.
         56. (Fam: A number of times Dad would say, "Grandmother understands now why this or that happened."--Referring to different things that she understands now that she's in Heaven. So the example you were giving about listening to your tapes while Dad was talking to you, well, he wouldn't even worry about forgiving you because he would just understand you were busy doing your work for the Lord, and that you couldn't tune in very well when you couldn't watch the visuals. So if they do find out some of the things we might be ashamed of, they will just understand, as well as be forgiving.) Yes. (Fam: Another point you brought out is that there are so many other things Dad is probably doing right now, that he wouldn't even be thinking about all of our failings!)
         57. Yes, why would he want to torture himself with thinking about anything unhappy when he's got all of Heaven to explore and a whole thrilling life to begin, one that is never going to end, and a ministry greater than he could have ever imagined, which includes continuing to help us do our job for Jesus. I used to be quite concerned about Dad being unchallenged.--Even though I was very happy that he was able to be well tuned-in to the major things that are happening in the Family. He read so many of the reports and he commented on them and gave counsel on them, as well as giving classes and talks. But as we all know, that wasn't enough for Dad, and it was hard for him to be so confined in a physical sense, not only by age and afflictions, but by security.
         58. So I must say that I'm really relieved that Dad is happy now and he's not going to have to go through that boredom or that feeling of uselessness that he felt because of his age and because of his physical limitations--wanting to do more, both in the physical and in the spiritual, but not being able to.

Perfect Time for Dad's Graduation!
         59. This is the perfect time for Dad to go. I can't think of a better time! Obviously it was, or the Lord and he wouldn't have made this choice. I'm sure the Lord and Dad know a lot more reasons than we why this was the right time. But even with my limited knowledge I can't think of a better time. It's just perfect in every way. It was nice that Dad was able to go with the assurance that the Family was gaining many victories and was progressing on many fronts. The Family situation was pretty good, although Dad was concerned about the financial situation and about the fact that our folks weren't witnessing enough. Maybe that's one reason at the last minute he decided that he wanted to go, so that he could help to get folks on the ball again. Just less than a week before he went to be with the Lord he said the following:

         60. "If our Homes stop litnessing they're going to go downhill for sure! When people look down on the preaching of the Gospel and think other things are more important, they're bound to fail. Our lit is our biggest effort to preach the Gospel, so if you're not getting out the lit, you're done for. No wonder you're having such a financial struggle! The Lord's not going to bless you for not getting out and litnessing. If you don't witness, you're done for! That's our whole ministry. If you don't witness, how are you going to have any follow-up?--There's nothing to follow up! You'd better get back on the streets and litness in every way you can. If you've quit litnessing, how are you going to survive?
         61. "That's why the Lord blessed the Family for so many years--because we were faithful to preach His Word. If we're not going to litness, that's it!--We're finished! If we're not going to do the job, we might as well go back into the System and get some other kind of job for support. I'll tell you, you'd better get back to litnessing or we're finished!--Done for!--Because that is your job! That is your job, your main job, not anything else! To get out the Word, that's the main job! If you quit doing that, you're finished! We're all finished! Your stats have come up some since many of you went out on Summer road teams, but lit distributed is still the lowest in 9 or 10 years, and the number of souls won has been way down too!
         62. "I'll tell you, whenever anything was going wrong with Fred Jordan's school, he sent everyone out witnessing, and that really fired them up and inspired them! If you're not litnessing, no wonder you're getting discouraged and don't have enough money! The Lord is not going to bless that. He's blessed us because we've gotten out the Word. But if you're not getting out the Word, you're not doing the job.
         63. "Forget everything else and get out the Word, and the Lord will bless it! If on top of that you can do other things, fine; but your first calling and your first charge and your first Great Commission is to get out the Word! The Lord's always blessed us for getting out the Word. This ye ought to have done, and not to have left your witnessing undone! Because if we don't get out the Word, we've failed in our major job, and the Lord is not going to pay us! We're finished. He's not going to pay us for not doing the job!
         64. "Witnessing is the main job we must do, and try not to leave the other undone. Lord, bless and keep and make us a blessing to others through our witnessing. Amen!"

         65. That's the one thing that hit Dad the hardest, when he heard that our folks weren't doing the job that they're supposed to do, that they weren't out there reaching the lost the way they should be. I know they have lots of excuses, there are even lots of good "reasons" for it, but Dad says that's our major ministry, that's the main thing we're supposed to be doing, that's the whole reason God created the Family!--And if we aren't doing that, no wonder God's not blessing us! So Dad probably decided since he couldn't do anything about it here, he was going to go There and do something about it! You know Dad, he'll do whatever he has to do, whatever it is, even if it means going to be with the Lord to get us on the ball, and I think that probably entered his mind when he was making his decision in the last moments.
         66. I am quite sure that his going to be with the Lord at this particular time was not premeditated. He was still thinking about his next project. The night before he went to be with the Lord he was quite intent on making sure that he would be part of the exploratory trip to search out a particular house that he had seen in a dream the day before. He said, "I have to go with them in order to identify it!" This was at two o'clock in the morning when he woke up after a nap. He said, "Don't let them go without me in the morning." So obviously, even though he was very weak, he wasn't thinking about going to be with the Lord right away.
         67. The Lord showed me, and confirmed it through what several others got, that Dad did not make the decision to go until discussing with the Lord all the pros and cons, the reasons for staying and the reasons for going. It was a difficult decision that he did not decide fully until he had received assurance from the Lord that I would be all right and could let him go without missing him too much. I was thinking of what wonderful peace the Lord had given me and marvelling at how miraculous it was, and immediately the thought came to me that Dad had insisted that, if he was going to go Home to be with the Lord, the Lord would have to promise to make it easy for me. This is so much in line with how Dad has always been with me, always wanting to make sure I was happy, never wanting me to suffer, always wanting to stay here for my sake--and for yours.
         68. So prior to those final moments, Dad was not planning to go. Neither he nor we had any idea that he would go, in spite of how weak he had gotten. It was totally unexpected. As sick as he was, he was already making plans to go and try to find a house the next morning.
         69. Just a couple of days before his Homegoing, Dad had asked me, "Is there anything else I should be doing for the Family?" He was always wanting to do more and I was always assuring him that I felt he had done everything that he possibly could, but he was never satisfied.
         70. Dad felt confident that he had trained us well and that we were on the right track. He had thoroughly read over the huge new project that Peter and our top Family leadership have been working on, and was planning on writing an introduction to it, but he didn't get around to that. However, he did make some very favourable comments about it all. He'd also been reading over the different Letters that I've written for recent GNs, and was happy with those, and repeatedly told me that they were very good and needed. I think he must have felt that now was a good time to go.--At least he decided that in the moments before he departed.
         71. Many times he would say he wanted to stay with us longer. But when the Lord presented him with the choice, He must have given Dad the assurance that this was a good time and everything was in order and there really wasn't any overriding reason for him to stay longer to help in the physical, in the natural, because he could help so much more from the Spirit World. Even looking at it in the natural, we can't see any reasons why any other time would have been better.
         72. Sorry I talk such a blue streak when I get started.--And I talk too fast! But anyway, you'll have to take me the way I am, because I can't change my habits right now or go to speech school or anything like that. I wish I could, but I don't have time to do that sort of thing. At least when it comes out in print, the Family is not having to listen to me. (Fam: We like you just the way you are! You're just what we need.) Thank you. Praise the Lord! If I can help you in any way, it's only the Lord.

I'm Not Saying Anything New!
         73. Dad has said all these things I'm saying now, I'm just a new voice. It's sort of like the verse "the people seek a new thing."--Acts 17:21. It's not a new message but it's a new voice, it's a new way of saying it, and people need constant reminders.
         74. I'm not saying anything different than Dad has ever said, but it comes with other details and different little ways of looking at things, different aspects of the question, just presented in a different format, a different structure, a different way, so that maybe it'll finally sink in. I'm really just repeating what Dad has said, but people need repetition, and they need a different person to say it.--Like Dad said about Grandmother and the evangelist.
         75. Grandmother was pastoring a church and she invited an evangelist to come to the church and hold a meeting. After the meeting an old-time church member that Grandmother had been preaching to for years came up and said, "I finally understand that I am just to believe that I have received, just as Mark 11:24 says: `When you pray, believe that you receive and you shall have.' Oh, it's so wonderful to find that all I have to do is just believe!" And Grandmother said, "But Sister, this is what I've been trying to tell you all of these years, this is what I've been preaching all this time!"
         76. Sometimes you just need to hear it again in a little different way from a different person, and then it finally sinks in. That's good and we need that. Just like you, everything I've learned in the Family I've learned from Dad, and the Lord just gives me a little bit of a different aspect on it sometimes, or helps me to bring out different details or highlight different points. So it might seem like a new message sometimes, but it's really not. It's the same good old Gospel! There's really not any more that can be said than has been said in the Bible and the past Letters. We're just building on the same foundation, even though it may seem different sometimes.
         77. Some people may get a little shaky and worried that we're changing things too much, but it's not really a change. It's the same good Old Gospel, the same good principles that we've always lived by and need to continue to live by. Maybe it just has a little different dressing, a different costume or outer garment. You know how somebody can change their outward appearance and hairdo, and even if you know them well, they'll come around the corner and you'll look at them and hardly recognise them? It's sort of the same thing. It's the same good old person there, and it's only the outer covering and outer wrapping that has changed and makes them look different.
         78. You can have the same basic chocolate cake, but you can keep putting different frostings on and end up with 100 different cakes! They'll look like different cakes; but really it's just the frosting that's different, not the cake! We're just saying the same things over and over, maybe just bringing out a slightly different facet or angle or aspect to them. (Someone reminds Mama that they need to stop soon for the trip to the cemetery.)

Dad's Body!
         79. I was going to say that we need to pay our respects to Dad, but that's what we've been doing all the time, isn't it?--We've been paying our respects to Dad in everything we're doing. In this little meeting we're paying respect--not to his dead body, but to his living spirit and the memory of his living with us here on Earth--and rejoicing at the knowledge that he's now in the Heavenlies and very happy. So in a way it's paying respect--not in the way the System does it, but in a more true way actually. All this time that we've spent talking about soul-winners and witnessing--which was Dad's primary assignment to us, that we share Jesus' Love with others both in the Family and out--this has been paying our respects in the greatest way possible!--Respecting his wishes and preparing to carry them out.
         80. It's just a System hang-up that you've got to do something for their old body that's lying there. Nevertheless, the body lying here before us has symbolic value. It's important to some extent. It's like having Dad's photo here in front of us. Don't you prize the photos we have of Dad?--That's why I wanted to take all of these pictures! They're symbolic, or a token of the person. They are a reminder of good memories, or a reminder to pray, or a reminder of the person's spirit and his love. But they're not that person! It's just like the body. We don't say, "Oh, throw it in the trash!" Why not?--Because it's symbolically important. We care for it lovingly and tenderly because it's part of what Dad was.
         81. Dad's body here in front of us is a symbol of his spirit. It's symbolic, representative of the wonderful, loving Father, Grandpa, Friend, Lover, Teacher, Prophet, Shepherd and King that he's been, and that he still is. But that's the only importance it holds. Every time I woke in the night last night and thought of Dad, I never thought about his dead body, I thought about Dad in Heaven and how I could talk directly to him.
         82. Of course, I don't know if I can talk directly to him right now because he's probably very busy touring the Heavenly City! Or he might be in this meeting, we just don't know!--But anything that makes us happy, that's fine!--Ha! If we don't know just how things work, we can think what pleases us until we do know. Whatever makes you happy, whatever you think, it could be true! Maybe we'll understand it a little more clearly as time goes on, but right now we don't know for sure. So don't worry, you can think whatever you want to think, and the Lord can make it true for you anyhow, and "according to your faith be it done unto you." You just think whatever you want, and if it brings good fruit in your life, then I'm sure that's okay with the Lord and the Lord will bless it. So whether I was talking to Dad or not, or whether he put his thoughts in my head or not, the Lord or somebody did! I don't really care one way or the other, just so I get the right thoughts! (Please see pg.19 of this GN for more on "Heavenly Communication with Dad!")
         83. So during the night when I thought about Dad, I was thinking about him in Heaven, not his body that's lying here. The body is only important to us in that it is our last little link with Dad as a physical, living person.--Just a shell, nevertheless a part of what we have held dear all these years. But when this body goes down into the grave and is covered up with the earth, you'll still have just as much of Dad in your heart and mind, so you don't really need this earthly body.
         84. Maybe we are a little attached to it because we're so earthbound and carnal. And I'm not saying that's wrong, because we're made that way by the Lord. We live in bodies all our lives, we look at bodies all our lives, we feel bodies all our lives, we talk to bodies all our lives, so of course it's a wrench when a body leaves us--even a dead body! It's a wrench because we're used to the body, and it's like having a part of us go. It's normal and natural, it's the way the Lord made things. So don't worry if you cry. It's okay to cry, it's natural.
         85. The Lord doesn't condemn you at all for being a little attached to a body. But when the time is over and you have a deeper perception, a greater level of understanding, and you realise you have Dad in the spirit, then you have to make the choice to let go of the body. It is a bit of a wrench, though, so maybe that's one nice thing about being around the body a little while before the burial; it helps you to get used to the fact that the body is just the body, it's not living any more, it's not breathing and talking. This time is a good transition and maybe it helps you to get it a little more firmly implanted in your mind that the body is not doing anything any more. The body is dead, the body is not alive, the spirit is not in the body any more, and the body is not important. What's important is the spirit, and you look to the Heavenlies for that. You can feel Dad's presence and talk to him. He's alive and living in Spirit, but not in this flesh, not in this body.
         86. So we don't really need Dad's body lying here in an open coffin, but I think it's nice. I like it. Some people don't like dead bodies; they're afraid of them or something. Peter said this is the first time he's ever seen a dead body except on TV. I guess watching the news and seeing so many dead bodies helps people to get used to death a little bit.
         87. I think the only time I ever saw a dead body was when I was a little girl. My parents were holding a funeral and I was there, but I don't remember that too well. Some of us have never even been close to death at all or had any loved ones pass on while they were with us, people that we knew and loved and worked with or fellowshipped with on a daily basis; we haven't been used to that. But because of Dad's teaching and training in the Word, death doesn't bother us, it's natural. We know where our priorities are. We know where the life is, and it's not here, but is in Heaven. We're happy about it, because we know what a wonderful life it is There, so much better than here.
         88. But some people have had bad experiences with death. Maybe when they were a child they had to be at a parent's funeral, or that of both parents, and they hadn't had it explained to them; the parents were not saved, they had no hope. It could be a very traumatic experience in someone's youth, so some people are quite fearful of death and dying. It's sort of a phobia or a fear about death and seeing dead bodies, for whatever reason. But the Lord wants us to get the victory over that if we do have problems with it, because we need to be able to help others. We need to have the right attitude and we need to ask the Lord to help us. So I think it's good to be here with Dad's body. Dad isn't here, but the body where he lived is.
         89. It's like a doll! People buy dolls of rock stars and movie stars and all kinds of famous people. They want a representation of somebody that they've seen, that they know, so they get dolls. This is like our doll here. (Techi: Like wax figures at the wax museum.) Right. When people go to wax museums they think it's great and they want to see the bodies. Well, those are like dead bodies. They are dead bodies, ha! They're bodies that don't have any spirit, and in fact, never did.
         90. This is what Dad has always tried to tell us, and it's been a little hard to get through to us. He's been faithful to harp on the same thing year after year after year, and finally, thank the Lord, I think most of us have gotten the right attitude about death and dying. But if people have had bad experiences in the past as children--they didn't understand death, they didn't understand why Mommy or Daddy was lying there in a coffin, nobody told them, they didn't have any hope of Heaven--you can imagine it could have been quite a traumatic experience for them. Therefore for them, dead bodies would be associated with a lot of pain, heartache, confusion and misunderstanding.
         91. It's unfortunate if we have had bad experiences in the past, but the Lord wants to help us to get the victory now and see things the way He does, and see that a dead body can be a good thing. It's very sweet seeing Dad's body lying here with us. We didn't have to do this, and it's not necessary, but it's precious. It's not bad at all. It doesn't give you a bad feeling.--Why should it? This life is just a moment in time and Dad's gone on to real life now. He's gotten out of this present restricted life, which is like a cage and kind of like house arrest.
         92. It's good that we can do this! And anybody that has any hang-ups about it, you need to ask the Lord to help you over it, because we need to "comfort others with the comfort wherewith we are comforted."--2Cor.1:4. We need to see that we can have wonderful, beautiful fellowship this way, just remembering the precious times when Dad was here with us and looking forward to the much more wonderful times we are going to have with him in the Spirit.
         93. I know it's a little hard getting used to Dad's physical presence being gone, but because we have hope and we have the Lord, it can be a wonderful feeling. It can draw us closer to Heaven and even closer to Dad than ever before, and make us so much more Heavenly minded than we have been, and even draw us closer together and make us want to do much better than we ever have. Knowing that Dad's Up There rooting for us and cheering us on and expecting it of us is going to make us want to do an even better job. It's going to keep us close to the Lord, close to Dad, and close to Heaven.
         94. It's a wonderful, wonderful experience, so we should be thankful for the body in that way, in that it helps us to realise these things. If the dead body weren't here, Dad's spirit wouldn't be There! I think it's precious to have his body here for a little bit. But we don't really need Dad's body to help us remember, and we can go on and keep remembering him and all the wonderful things about him.
         95. We can't ever forget Dad! He's in every fibre of our being! Just like with the Lord, we'll never forget Dad because he means so much to us. We may forget a lot of the little details and little tiny personal things, but that's okay, because those aren't the important things. What's important is all that Dad has poured into us all these years, the principles and the major values--what's important in life, what's beautiful in life, what's good in life. And he's also taught us what's bad and what's evil so we'll know the difference and be able to "choose the good and eschew the evil." It's all right here with us in his Words.
         96. I guess that's all I have on that subject! Does anyone have anything else? (Fam: I just wanted to give a little "explain explain" about Dad's mouth being open. The funeral people tried to close Dad's mouth two or three times, but it just popped back open again, ha! The Lord closes the mouths of our enemies, but He wouldn't let Dad's mouth be closed!--The Lord has just kept his mouth open.) It's symbolic! (Fam: His Words go on.) (Fam: A lot of times when we'd get together with Dad for a class he would claim the verse, "Open thy mouth wide and I will fill it!"--Psa.81:10. The Lord always filled it and he still has his mouth open, and the Lord is still filling it where he is in Heaven.)
         97. Oh, we've got to get a few locks of hair! Who wants to cut Dad's hair? (Fam: Actually, he was due for a hair trim, and I was supposed to do it.) Well, you can do it now. We want to save some. Why should the hair of the prophet go down into the ground without us keeping a little bit? You can do that right away, and anybody who wants to stay and watch can take a picture. They'd probably say we were desecrating the body, ha! Well, funeral parlours do fix you up, but we're not doing it to fix Dad up, we're doing it to save a little of his hair. Thank You Lord!
         98. What else? Is that all? Is there anything else that needs to be said? Remember that funeral we heard about somewhere where everything was white instead of black? They had white hearses, a white coffin, and everybody wore white. It seems as though the tables are sort of turning and people are getting fed up with being so mournful at funerals. Most people are sad enough without making themselves sadder with everybody wearing drab, gloomy black. So, thank You Jesus, who wants to pray?
         99. (Peter prays: Thank You Lord for this time together here at Your feet, one last time with Dad's body, although we know that his spirit is There with You in a glorious Heavenly body. Thank You for this precious message that Mama shared with us that You've given. Lord, we just thank You for how You've worked this all out so well, in Your perfect timing. We do pray for the trip to the burial site, and we ask that You will help them and anoint them and that there will be no problems, but that we can just go and put Dad's body in its resting place, until the Rapture.
         100. (We are so thankful for Dad and all that he's done to make all of this possible. We pray that You will help us to carry on the same, reading his Words and praying and hearing from You, in communion and fellowship with You at all times. Thank You that we have Dad There in the Halls of Heaven to stand for us in this time of need, as he and we both want to get the Family out witnessing more and forging ahead for You in these Last Days. Thank You Jesus.)
         101. As we thank Him together: (Family in unison: Thank You Jesus for this day and for our Home so fair. Help us Lord to do some good and keep us in Thy care, and bless our loved ones everywhere, in Jesus' name. Amen.)

* * *

(Later:)
The Needs of the Flock Come First!
         102. I didn't really want to go to this last meeting of the Family with Dad's body and the casket.--Not that I was so sad, not that I was crying, not that I was worried, not that I didn't want to see Dad's dead body, but just because of my usual reasons I don't want to go to Family meetings; because I'm shy and I figure I can't talk and I just don't like being in the spotlight and I don't like having everybody looking at me! I don't think I'm much to look at, and I feel sorry for people who have to stare at me giving a long talk, especially when I can't even open my eyes to make eye contact with them. So those are all the same reasons I never want to go to meetings and the same reasons I didn't want to go this time!
         103. But I went because I knew Dad would expect me to go. And even if Dad hadn't been in the picture, I would've known I should do it just because I'm one of the leaders here and it was such an important occasion. So if you're a true leader, you think about the flock before yourself. Every experience you go through you also think, "How can that be a help to others?" or "Thank You Lord, I don't like this experience, but I guess it's good that I'm going through it so I can help others as a result, or so I can comfort others with the comfort that I'm being comforted with."
         104. You have to always be conscious of what the needs of the flock are, and if they need leadership, if they need counsel, if they need your direction, if they need you to stand strong and be there so you can sound the battle cry for them. You can't just be thinking about yourself.
         105. When Dad was here to do it for me, I sort of squirmed out of things as far as meetings go. He would do it, and I was thankful because he didn't mind talking, he didn't mind being on stage, he liked it! So he was the perfect one and I didn't feel like I was doing too much damage by avoiding the limelight. Dad was the leader anyway and he liked to do it, so I didn't feel I had to.
         106. But in the absence of somebody that likes to and wants to and is good at it and should, you've got to fill in the gap, especially on important occasions like this. If you're a leader, you have to always be more conscious of other people's needs than your own, and you have to be conscious of your sample and how people are going to view you. They may wonder why you didn't come to the meeting. Are you sick? Are you distraught?--Or do you just not like the company or think it's a waste of time?
         107. That's why in these Homes where the leaders never come to devotions or united meetings, the people know they're not sick so they figure the leaders must think it's not worth attending, that it's just a waste of time. Or when the leaders don't go out witnessing, it's the same thing. The people think, "It must not be important, because our leaders don't go and show us the way, they don't go with us at least some of the time." I don't think they would expect the leaders to always be out there, but they should go sometimes to find the witnessing spots and to show that they have a burden to share Jesus' Love.
         108. Dad would always go first, or he'd go with people to check things out. He didn't have to continue to do it, but he went along at the beginning, looked at the situation and paved the way. He showed that it was important and then others could carry on after that. So God help us to be faithful to our calling as true Shepherds--even if we're only shepherding a little group of children, or two or three Catacombers or a few people in the kitchen department--and to make Jesus and Dad proud of us!

         109. P.S. Dear Family, if any of you want to write me at any time about the effect that Dad's Homegoing has had on you--or any other subject--please feel free to. I'd love to hear from you! Although, as I've said before, I probably won't be able to answer most of you personally, I certainly will hear your letter and pray for you. Love, Mama.

         110. P.P.S. I thought it would encourage you, dear Family, to reread the following prophecies to see how marvellously the Lord has fulfilled the things He spoke for Dad at the beginning of the year.--Although at the time they were given, the Lord was hiding these things from us and not giving away what they really meant, but letting us think something different!

(From "The Lord's Tribute to Dad and the Family!", 2/94:)
         "This shall be a year of rejoicing for My David as he seeth the fruition of his heart's desires of spreading My Words and bringing My sheep into My folds. ... He shall rejoice greatly at the events I have planned for him. ... For this is a year of golden treasures that I shall bring to the feet of My David. ... This is a year of honour that I shall bestow upon My David. ... Do not doubt, for this is a year of fulfilment of My Words to My King David. I shall care for him. ... He shall be safe, and I shall lift him up and set him on a high rock and pour great strength into his bosom.
         "He shall be safe and preserved within My arms, next to My bosom, partaking of My warmth, and feeling My Spirit and rejoicing in My Love. So greatly shall he be enveloped in My Love, that the pains and the afflictions of this World shall fall away from him. ... This shall be a year of great joy for My David." (DFO GN 28, para.44-48.)

JEWELS ON DAD'S HOMEGOING!
--By MariaMaria #236 DFO 2950 11/94

Heaven on My Mind!
         1. (Three days after Dad's Homegoing:) Thanks for all your support and prayers during this time, we can sure feel them! And the Lord is making it so easy! I've got Heaven on my mind!--So I can't think about myself and the loss of Dad's physical presence. When I've got him so much in the spirit, how could I think about the flesh? Well, that was wonderful too, but this is super super super wonderful!

Setting Our Affection on Things Above!
         2. Things have been going so well! The Lord has made it so easy. Thinking how Dad can be closer than ever before and how he is happier than ever before just makes me very happy.--And I'm not even really missing him that much because he is so close in spirit. I don't miss the Lord just because He isn't here in person, and it's a little like that with Dad. Of course, I had Dad here with me for so long, and his being gone in the flesh takes a little getting used to. But when I think of him in every aspect of his life while he was here, I am reminded how in each of those things he is now completely whole, perfectly strong, wonderfully challenged and absolutely able to do all the things his heart has ever desired, and most of all, work for his dear Family.
         3. Dad didn't want me to miss him, and I know he is working very hard at helping me not to. In fact, I had a very strong impression that one of the conditions under which Dad said he would be willing to go to Heaven was if the Lord would promise to make it especially easy for me and his loved ones here who had lived so close to him for so long. Certainly something like this must have taken place, because the peace and well-being which I, and in fact our whole household feel, is nothing short of supernatural. It's been miraculous how the Lord has helped me to set my affections upon the wonderful things--and people--Above. Instead of lamenting Earthly losses, I am "grooving" on Heavenly gains!
         4. Besides everyone's prayers, I think those wonderful messages the Lord gave about "Dad's Heavenly Welcome" were the greatest comfort for me! (See GN 609.) The Lord actually opened Heaven and let us see what was going on, almost like we were participating, and to get actual messages from dear ones was just the most wonderful experience! I think the Lord needed to give us some real pictures we could hold on to when we might be tempted to wish Dad were back with us. But after hearing and seeing those words and visions from Heaven, how could we ever wish anything to be different? And how could I even sorrow for Dad's physical presence when what I have now is far more precious?
         5. I just flashed on the picture of the little girl who has dropped her dolly that she loved so much, and as you see the dolly falling to the ground out of one hand, she's reaching up to receive a real live dove that's coming down to land on her other hand!
         6. I've been so richly blessed all my life--in my early years, and then multiplied one hundred fold in my life with Dad and the Family these last 25 years, and now multiplied many times over again with this wonderful wonderful gift of greater closeness than ever to Dad and to Heaven.

Death Swallowed Up in Victory!
         7. We, of course, who lived with Dad daily for years, can't help but miss him.--Miss his fellowship, miss his smile, miss his caresses, miss his loving concern, miss his encouraging words, miss his beautiful songs, miss his bottle-breaking ways of doing things and all the tremendous things about him that we loved in the physical. But if God can give us the grace, and even more than grace--abundant joy and rejoicing and happiness for Dad because he has been released--I know that He can give it to anyone.
         8. The fleeting moment of death--when the spirit actually leaves the body--should be swallowed up in victory, so that the fleshly moment of death does not traumatise us! Instead of focusing on his physical presence being taken away from us, we should see the wonderful event that is taking place as he enters the Heavenly realm where real life begins!

Seeing Things Through the Eyes of Heaven!
         9. Thanks for your prayers for me.--As always, they are a wonderful boost. It's almost unbelievable the grace the Lord has given me for an experience that naturally would have been quite traumatic. When you think of the things the World goes through and what we're not going through, the difference is incredible. There's absolutely no comparison!
         10. I've now experienced personally that God miraculously gives joy instead of sorrow, and great peace instead of pain, and there's no way to account for that, no possible explanation in the natural. The only explanation is that God has with great mercy and love allowed me to experience the same attitudes and feelings that exist in the Heavenly realm, where the inhabitants don't sorrow about things, they don't fret, they don't fear. Even when they're very involved with what happens down here, and even though they see things go wrong and loved ones go astray and the World go awry, they don't get worried, they don't get uptight, they reflect the Lord's viewpoint.
         11. They see things differently Up There, as in that story that Dad passed on to us about Grandma's dream of Lamont meeting his sister Crystal in Heaven. In the dream, Lamont was walking along a beautiful tree-lined roadway and met his sister who had gone to be with the Lord 18 years before. He embraced her, and then he asked her, "Why aren't you grieving like all the rest of them?" And she replied, "We see things differently Up Here!" (See ML #818:33,34.)
         12. We get so worried about personal weaknesses and failures. We get so uptight about what others are doing or not doing. We have such problems when things don't go the way we think they should. We have such a hard time if someone we love fails the Lord and goes back. We fret so about our children and their needs. We feel useless when confined to a bed of affliction, and our world collapses if a mate, parent or child dies. If we could only see things through the eyes of Heaven, what peace we would have about all of these things!
         13. But we can see things the way God sees them, if we will! He has provided us a "peace that passeth all understanding," love that knows no boundaries, transforming power that makes us new creatures, the mind which is in Christ Jesus, the ability to do even greater works, the experiences of Heaven right now!

The "Divine Nature!"
         14. "Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature."--2Pet.1:4. What is the "divine nature"?--It is what God is, and how He thinks and how He acts. And look at the amazing thing it says here, that with these promises He gives us in His Word, we can be like He is! We can partake of those same attitudes, those same feelings, those same ways of looking at things by believing and putting into practice the promises that are right here in the Word.
         15. We can transcend the confines of these earthly attitudes that keep us weighed down, sorrowful, fretful, worried and fearful. We can not only have a head knowledge of the fact that "all things work together for good to them that love the Lord, to them that are called according to His purpose," but we can actually believe it and practice it, so that it pervades every fiber of our being and we live it!
         16. We can be cleansed of all those carnal attitudes and mindsets and mental habits that are earthly and not Heavenly. "Now ye are clean through the Word which I have spoken unto you."--John 15:3. We can be rewired "new creatures in Christ Jesus," where all of our old wrong attitudes and habits are passed away, "and behold, all things are become new"--right here and now. (2Cor.5:17.)
         17. The more we live in the Word and believe it and practice it, the more we'll be in sync with that Heavenly realm and the folks who are There. The more we set our affections on the things of Heaven and not on the things of this Earth, the easier it becomes to live in this World while we are not of it. It would be wonderful to do a study on all of the Word that explains what the divine nature is, and how we can partake of it.

HEAVENLY COMMUNICATION WITH DAD!--By Maria
Maria #240 DFO 2955 11/94

         1. I'd been wondering, and I'm sure you have, too--in fact, some of you have even asked me about this--how Grandpa can be enjoying his new life in Heaven and exploring that magnificent Place, while at the same time being close to me, whispering in my ear and never leaving my side.
         2. The Lord told us in the prophecies we received after Dad's Homegoing: "Now does the mantle of your father David fall upon your Queen. And he will be ever so close to her, speaking to her in her ear, whispering words of love and encouragement and counsel, and guiding her with his own hand. Therefore, be not sad, and weep not, for he is not distant. He is not gone from you. He is even closer than before and he shall never leave you. He shall never leave the side of his Queen. He shall ever be present, comforting her, leading and guiding her and protecting her." And at the same time, the Lord said that Dad would be close to all of you, "whispering to you in the night seasons, and in your dreams. He will speak to you in your thoughts and he will lead and guide you." ("Dad's Heavenly Welcome," paras.12 and 49.)
         3. This presents us with a question. God is omnipresent--everywhere at once--but the Word teaches us that this is not true of other spirits. Even the Devil cannot be everywhere at once. The Bible says that "he walketh about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." --1Pet.5:8. In other words, he has to go from one place to another and cannot be everywhere at once. In Job, the Lord said to Satan, "From whence comest thou? And Satan answered the Lord, and said, From going to and fro in the Earth, and from walking up and down in it."--Job 2:2.
         4. It also says of one angelic messenger, that when he was trying to get to Daniel to give him a message, it took him three weeks since he was delayed by the Prince of Persia.--Dan. 10:13. And certainly departed human spirits have the same restrictions. Dad has brought this principle out very clearly in a number of Letters. Here are just a few quotes that confirm this:


         5. "The Devil is not like God or Christ or the Holy Spirit: he is not omnipresent. He is limited! He is somewhat limited in his scope of operation, because he is only one of God's creations and limited to one personality in one place at any given time ... he is limited in a finite being, and not omnipresent, operating in and out of the material world." (From ML#71, March 1971.)
         6. "It is evident from the Bible records about Angels, etc., that they have to go from place to place, they are not omnipresent, and they are not omniscient! ... You are not going to suddenly be like God and know everything, any more than the Angels! Neither are the Angels omniscient like God; they know only what God wants them to know and they have to know." (From ML#1092, November 1981.)
         7. "God is the only One who is omniscient, He is the only One that is omnipresent, He is the only One that is omnipotent!--Not you, not me." (From ML #2054, June 1985.)

         8. So to answer the question: No, Dad cannot be everywhere all at once. Then how could the Lord say to me that Dad would always be by my side whispering in my ear? It seems that for him this would be a terrible fate! Here he has finally been released into the wonderful new world of Heaven with Jesus and all the Saints and all of Eternity to enjoy and explore, and he is having to be restricted and confined to being a spirit without a body on constant duty ready to tell me what I need to know! I just couldn't believe that God would work it this way.
         9. Here is a question for you: Can someone from around the World, thousands of miles away, pick up a phone, call your number, and when you pick up the receiver, whisper sweet things in your ear? Yes, of course!--And weren't they at that moment right beside you in voice and in spirit? Well, this is my answer as to how Dad would not have to leave his wonderful Heavenly Home to come here and hover in his spirit beside me like the spirits in some movies you have seen. Instead he can have a continual line of open communication to me.--And not just a mere humanly created telephone line, but a more advanced communication system than human minds with their inventions have ever been able to come close to.
         10. Some spirits, like those portrayed in the movie "Ghost," are apparently confined to the Earth for awhile, either as a punishment or to fulfil a certain mission; perhaps those who have not been admitted into Heaven, at least not as yet. Or maybe some of them were There, but their mission is such that they need to now be here for awhile to tune people in more to the Spirit World.
         11. So Dad, from his Heavenly mansion and with his new communications system, which is far beyond our comprehension, can be right here beside me tuning in and giving me the counsel that I need. Remember how Dad in the "Heaven's Children" story could go to the Heavenly communicator and tune in to whatever scenes he was interested in on the Earth below? Well, I'm sure that's just one of the many marvellous methods of communication that the Lord has available to His children. Whenever Dad wants to see me or any of us, he can just think the thought and we appear in his mind. Or we can call for help and we'll appear before him. Why not?
         12. Look at what we here on Earth can see when God shows us Heavenly visions. Look at how He gave us a glimpse of Dad's Heavenly Welcome as He showed the pictures to His people as they waited on Him in prayer. If we can see such pictures of Heaven right here and now through the medium of our minds, how much more can they in that great Realm of the most super advanced "technology" ever imagined--and even more than has been imagined--be able to see us in their minds!
         13. Certainly not everyone in Heaven is given this privilege or this ministry, but our dear Dad has need of these powers that he may help to continue to lead this great Endtime Work. We shouldn't wonder that some people have certain privileges or powers and others don't. Why should things be so different There than they are on Earth? Each one here has a different ministry; each one has different talents; each one has different gifts and abilities; each one has different experience and levels of knowledge, and that is the way it is There.
         14. Dad was able to start out at a much more advanced level immediately upon arrival because he had been so advanced here. That doesn't mean he is immediately going to know everything, because we have all Eternity to learn and we'll never stop learning. Just like we have to exercise our gifts here and use them in order to refine them and make them work better, Dad is going to be learning to exercise his gifts of communication with us.
         15. "Well," you say, "if Dad is having to receive these images of us on the screen of his mind, he is going to be kept pretty busy! How is he going to do anything else? What's the sense of his even being Up There with all of Heaven to explore if he is going to be continually bothered by requests from us down here? After all, you can only concentrate on one thing at a time."
         16. Hold it right there!--You can only concentrate on one thing at a time, but Dad is different now! You've probably heard all your life about how only about a tenth of your brain is used, and scientists have never been able to understand why. What a seeming waste of body space and potential! However, even operating at only one-tenth of its capacity or less, the human brain is still considered the World's finest, most advanced computer.
         17. Apparently God figured that it would be much more efficient to make a brain with a full potential of what He had in mind for us for all Eternity, even if its use would be very limited and restricted here on this Earth.--Probably because we couldn't be trusted with any greater mental powers, and also because we don't need them here. Besides, because our time here on this Earth is nothing compared to all Eternity, He wanted to save most of it for our "forever life," where it can be used only to bring about good and joy and happiness and love, and to enjoy God and His World eternally.--Like Dad does now!
         18. Imagine! With the super technology that Man now has--with the greatest achievements of the finest minds on Earth, with the pooled resources of all science--no machine can even begin to match our little brain operating at only one-tenth of its capacity!
         19. We look at Man's great supercomputers and we marvel at what they can do, but we fail to realise the marvels of the brain. After all, we live with it every day and we complain about it if it doesn't always seem to do what we want it to. And we have no concept of the wonderfully amazing machine that God has put within our bodies.
         20. Mind you, this is only one-tenth of the brain that is responsible for all of this! Think of all the power and the potential of a brain ten times this effective and ten times this amazing, when in the wonderful realm of Heaven its full potential is realised. The possibilities are unlimited!
         21. I think a lot of us have at different times seen on TV some math whiz, these geniuses who can do incredible calculations in their mind that would be impossible for a normal human being to do!--But they do it! They have even made movies about this, such as the movie "Little Man Tate" about a 6-year-old math genius. Obviously they have the help of departed spirits and their brains! And this is undoubtedly an example of how our brains and minds will be able to work--and even better--in the Heavenly realm.
         22. Besides being able to know whatever he wants to know on any subject, Dad can now fully tune in to many subjects or people at once, and can be engaging in multiple activities simultaneously. He can be giving me messages from Jesus; he can be tuning in to your activities; he can be exploring the Heavenly City and learning its mysteries, and much more. In a very elemental foretaste of this, look how computers can carry on multiple tasks or run several completely different programs simultaneously; or the human body can do various physical tasks at once, such as sitting in front of the TV watching the news, but at the same time tapping on the floor with the foot, scratching the head with one hand and eating popcorn with the other hand!
         23. Another extremely insufficient earthly illustration is a newscaster on CNN: From his studio he can be talking to someone from Los Angeles, someone from Tokyo, and someone from Stockholm on the various screens in front of him, and simultaneously see each of the people and what they are doing.
         24. But with Dad, he has many more "channels" and he really truly can concentrate on each one at the same time--and communicate words, thoughts and pictures of a totally different nature to each person. I don't know how many channels he has. Maybe as you live longer in Heaven you "hone" your skills so that you can handle more?--Or maybe some people have to wait in line a bit. But our minds can process information at a tremendous speed, and computers can take in so much information at a time that it is almost like everything is being computed simultaneously; whereas in actuality it is getting processed one piece of information at a time.
         25. Dad can tune in to any of us at will. But if we need special help we must send the signal and make the request, and that gives him a certain signal that will turn his communication on with us. It's a little like with the Lord; He says, "Call unto Me and I will answer."--Jer. 33:3. He usually waits for us to do the calling before He answers.
         26. Okay, folks! Is that a satisfactory enough answer for now? That is from my very limited perspective of seeing through a glass very darkly. But now you know that almost anything you've seen in sci-fi movies can come true! What is science fiction may be a foreshadowing of Heavenly Truth. What a good example of the Lord's efficiency in using the same brain that He has used down Here, but infusing into it the Heavenly energy it needs Up There to be able to operate at full capacity in a way beyond all of our comprehension!
         27. Some folks might wonder how Dad could use the same brain he used down here when Dad's physical human brain is still here on Earth, and Dad won't be reunited with it and the rest of his body until the Rapture. In other words, how could he use his brain more efficiently when it's still here! Well, as I said before, we "see through a glass darkly" when it comes to these Heavenly matters. But Dad obviously has his mind and some spiritual equivalent of his earthly brain in Heaven, and therefore still has the same memories, thoughts and emotions that he had here on Earth, just like Abrahim or the Prophets and Patriarchs of the Bible, as well as all the other saints in Heaven have. Even if Dad's so-called physical brain isn't there, that shouldn't make a difference. Besides, I don't believe our minds are merely the physical three-pound lump of flesh that makes a human brain, and I'm sure Dad took his mind and thoughts with him when his spirit left his earthly body behind.
         28. (Later:) After I had dictated the above and one of our folks at another Unit had read an advance copy, they wrote me the following note: "Dear Mama, we previewed an interesting movie last week about a man who dies in a car accident and winds up in a place called `Judgement City' where his life is being reviewed. Although parts of this movie were very `off' doctrinally and we didn't feel we could recommend it for the Family, the interesting thing about it was the part about brains! The movie made quite a big deal about how little of our brains we people on Earth use, but how those who have `graduated' use so much more of their brain! The Judgement City citizens referred to the earthlings as the `little brains,' and different citizens would tell about what percentage they use of their brains.--Like a sign of how far they'd advanced. Just like you were saying, some of them were using more of their brain than others, and those with the more developed brains were considered more highly honoured members of the city! Anyway, it's interesting that we should have just seen that movie, because it goes along so well with what you've been talking about in your Letter!"
         29. If people have thought of this concept, they must have received some truth from the Spirit World. Anything that Man here on Earth can dream up would be possible in Heaven, if it's part of God's plan. Of course, just because people dream something up on Earth doesn't mean that that is what goes on in Heaven, but if it is good and there is no harm in it, it could be a possibility in Heaven!

Merging of Minds and Thoughts and Hearts!
         30. These quotes from "Heaven's Children" are very good and encouraging, where Dad says, "So we are to remain unheard and unseen and even unfelt, except in spiritual manifestations, such as in dreams and visions and the still small voices with which we speak within your mind and heart so that you will continue to depend entirely on His Word and faith in Him without any other proof except His constant, faithful, never-ending provision and care, as always.
         31. "That's how the Lord and His Saints and Angels have operated throughout the ages, once they have passed into the Spirit World. They are to continue to let you fend for yourselves, eagerly absorb the Word for yourselves, and thereby gain the faith for these things yourselves, and to meet these needs and confront these situations with your own faith and spiritual strength gained from the Lord through His Word, and not by the too-easy help of supernatural means and spiritual assistance.
         32. "Normally ghosts are not allowed to appear, for some reason. Those are the rules of the game, unless it is some kind of emergency. They are restricted from appearing or speaking audibly, touching or making any kind of physical manifestation unless it is some kind of extreme emergency."
         33. I had been thinking how it would be so much easier if Dad would just literally speak audible words into my ear.--Or if not audible, at least thoughts that would come in direct words from him, things I could clearly hear him say in my mind. In a recent prophecy session, someone looked up and saw a picture of Dad and heard him say something in her mind, and I thought, "Boy, it would be so easy if Dad would just dictate to me a running commentary that I could simply write down!" But I haven't expected that that was actually going to happen, so I can't say that I am extremely disappointed.--Although, as I say, it would be a lot easier and we could get things a lot more clearly.
         34. However, I know that the way things are usually going to operate is that God's Word and Promises are going to be fulfilled in an even greater way than if Dad were to speak audible words into my ear. What the Lord has said is that He would make us one--one mind and one heart, that we would truly be one when Dad was gone from me. How much more "one" can someone be with someone else than by actually thinking their thoughts? In a way, it's as though their mind has become your mind. And I think that this is how the Lord has chosen to work and the main way in which I will hear Dad whispering in my ear. It will be in my thoughts and my mind, which I believe will not be just my thoughts, but Dad's thoughts.
         35. I don't know exactly to what degree this will happen or is happening, but from what the Lord has said, it will be quite significant. That's not so strange when you think of how the Lord operates with us. Don't we all pray the prayer, "Please, Lord, help me to think Your thoughts and say Your Words"? And the Word says, "Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus."--Phil.2:5. So I guess it's not such an unusual thing or such a revelation if Dad operates this way with me. If we can all have the mind of Christ and think His thoughts and speak His Words, certainly I ought to be able to have Dad's mind and thoughts as well. Praise the Lord!
         36. How much more one can you be than that! And how much more one can you be with the Lord than to think His thoughts and speak His Words? In our working together for the Lord we're already doing something that is absolutely amazing and almost incomprehensible! --A merging of our minds and thoughts and hearts with the Mind of Christ, the Son of God, the great Creator of the Universe--one of the great wonders of the Spirit! (See 1Cor.2:9-16.) So why should it be so unusual for Dad to speak his thoughts in my thoughts, and that my thoughts would be his thoughts?
         37. Well, I know this presentation is coming out a bit "muddy" or "cloudy," and I'm sure this is the same way that it will be with me in getting Dad's messages. Normally, we just are not meant to see too much "beyond the veil." The Lord wants to keep a lot of His mysteries hidden from us until we get There!
         38. I think in "Heaven's Children" Dad said that when he got to Heaven he was going to have to take a break for awhile because he didn't want to immediately come rushing down to Earth to get right back to work here. He wanted time to tour the City, check out his mansion, spend some time with the Lord and the other Saints There, and that when he came back down here he would be concentrating on me and giving me the counsel that I need. Well, this just shows that there is a lot that the Lord even hid from Dad regarding the exact way things are going to be, but now He's showing him more clearly. I think we now understand this means of communication that he has with us a little better, and we know that he doesn't have to come rushing right back down. Like that old song goes, "We will understand it better by-and-by!"--And now Dad understands it better, because that wonderful time has come for him, his "by-and-by."--And that's why we can understand it better, too, because he gives his thoughts to us!

Facts About the Brain!

         The average human brain at birth weighs 390 grams (14 oz); its average maximum weight, reached at age 15, is 1,315 grams (46 oz, or roughly 3 pounds). The total number of neurons in the human brain is approximately 10 billion, but may go as high as 100 billion, each linked to another and together responsible for the control of all mental functions. The brain is the control center for movement, sleep, hunger, thirst, and virtually every other vital activity necessary to survival. It also receives and interprets the countless signals that are sent to it from other parts of the body and from the external environment. Just in order for us to stand up, the brain has to send out messages to 200 muscles.
         Scientists are just beginning to understand the brain's simplest circuits. The forming of abstract ideas and the study of difficult subjects must require circuits of truly astonishing complexity. Explanations of these types of thinking are still beyond scientists' understanding.
         Many people falsely place computers in a scale of intelligence well beyond that of the human mind. In reality, the computer isn't even in the same class as the brain. Even a slug can perform a simple task, like recognizing an object instantly, that would require millions of calculations for a computer.
         Even a person with severe learning disabilities performs far more complex mental operations in a far shorter time than the largest and fastest computer. What size computer and program could control a walking robot that could rise from a chair, put on a coat, go outside, walk around the building on rolling terrain, establish the location of the entrance from visual information, and reenter the building--all this, while maintaining respiration, blood flow, and the input from millions of sensors for pressure, temperature, light, sound, and chemical analyses and production?
         Now consider the scope of the human brain. This three-pound storehouse has the capacity to store a greater amount of information than is contained in all the libraries of the World.
         Computers are merely sophisticated adding machines, and no computer has the ability of the human mind. If a machine could be built to do everything a brain does, and as quickly, this mechanical brain would be as big as a battleship. The time estimated to produce such an equivalent of a human brain: 1,000 years.

Letters from David and Techi!
--Reactions to Grandpa's Homegoing!

(From David, 19:)
Dear Auntie Sara,10/94
         GBY! I love you so very much! You are often in my thoughts and prayers. HAPPY CHRISTMAS!! I guess this letter is a little early for a change.
         Well, the Lord is still teaching me lots of lessons, for which I'm very thankful and which I sure need. Through a series of events, the Lord got through to me clearly about how I was taking my place and time here at home for granted and not being thankful for all the many blessings that the Lord's given me. I've learned a lot about being content with where the Lord has put me and not wanting to leave until it really is my time to go.--Kinda like the Letter "Shtick."
         I've been a pretty bad sample, and I'm really thankful for the Lord's and everybody else's love for me, and that I can still be a help and blessing here, as now I'm very happy and thankful for all my blessings.
         I'm so glad that I was able to still be here when Grandpa went to be with the Lord, as that meant a lot to me. It sure is different with him not being here, at least not in the flesh, because for most of us, our lives revolved around Grandpa--fellowshipping with him, learning from him, working with him, and taking care of him. But on the other hand, I think we all feel very close to him in spirit, and like he's still right here with us. Actually, I almost feel closer to Grandpa now than when he was still with us in the flesh, 'cause I feel he understands us and knows us better now, and is right here helping us, and we can have a much better link of communication than ever before.
         When I first realised Grandpa was gone, I just couldn't believe that it was actually happening. It's like one of those things that you're pretty sure is going to happen one of these days, but you of course don't want to think about it; and because you hope it will never happen, it's very hard to believe when it actually does. I think it was especially hard for us because we have had Grandpa with us in the physical for so long, and of course we miss his physical presence more.
         We had been praying a lot for Grandpa because he was weak and sick, so the day that Grandpa went to be with the Lord we were having prayer vigils. Then, when Mommy told us his condition was worsening, we all got together for united prayer. Afterwards, Mommy called all of us to come into Grandpa's room to lay hands on him and anoint him with oil. When I got there, part of me knew that he was already gone, but the other part of me just didn't want to accept or believe it. We did lay hands on Grandpa and desperately prayed for him, most of all for the Lord to have His way. We knew the Lord could easily bring him back to us if it was His Will, but at the same time we also knew that it could very well be just as much the Lord's Will to take him Home to be with Him.
         I kept thinking he would open his eyes any minute and say something like, "Why do you guys look so sad?" It seemed so out of character for Grandpa, who was always so full of life and enthusiasm, to be lying there so still and lifeless.
         All of us really cried as we realised that he wasn't going to stay with us in the flesh, but the Lord reminded me of these verses which encouraged me:
         "But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with Him."--1Thes.4:13,14.
         I knew that Mommy would be the one to be the most affected by Grandpa going on, and I wondered how she would take it. I knew she would of course be very very happy for Grandpa, and thankful that his suffering is over, but still I hoped that it wouldn't be too hard on her.
         She's been so encouraging and such a good sample of enduring hardness as a good soldier, and having a real full-of-faith attitude about the whole thing, and because of that, it has created that same attitude in all of us. So because of Mommy's good sample of her faith and trust in the Lord, instead of this time being very sad and crushing, it really has been a time of great rejoicing for Grandpa, that he's finally with the One he loved the most, and in the Place that he always looked forward to going to.
         I had battles with guilt and remorse at first, though; I guess a lot of us did.--Feeling bad for all the times that I wasn't loving enough to him and let him down and disappointed him or thought I was too busy to spend time with him. It was very hard for me to face the fact that he wasn't coming back, and I wouldn't be able to tell him how much I loved him, and apologise for all those things, and have another chance to do better. But sweet Mommy helped me to see that Grandpa understands, and he certainly forgives us for those things and he's not going to hold our mistakes and shortcomings against us. So I should just learn from my mistakes and then forsake them, and not keep beating myself up with those feelings of remorse and guilt.
         Another thing that stood out to me from what Mommy shared was that Grandpa is still here!--He's just as much a part of our lives as ever before, maybe even more so! And the beautiful thing about it is that it's not like our chance of talking and communicating with him is gone forever, but we can still do it--better than before--and he can talk with and answer us! We can still tell him we're sorry and ask him to forgive us--and he will! It's not that he's gone, he's just moved on to a different realm, but he's with us in spirit as much as always.
         After Mommy shared those things with me, I felt like such a burden and weight had been lifted off of me, and that now I could be truly happy for Grandpa, instead of feeling sorry for myself.
         I know the Lord is using this to work in my life and draw me closer to Him, and get my eyes more on Heaven, and our goal. Paul said that he was "not disobedient unto the heavenly vision," but I know I am lots of times in that I lose the vision and place too much importance on this life and what happens here, and my own wants and desires.
         This has been a time of rededicating my life to the Lord and the Family, renewing my commitment to Jesus and taking stock of my life, why I'm here, why I'm a part of this Family. Am I here because I've always been here and this is the only life I know? Am I here because I'm fearful and scared of going out into the "big bad World"? Am I here because this is the best life in the World, with the most love and happiness I could ever have? Or am I here because I love Jesus so much that I'm willing to do anything for Him, go anywhere and be anything that is asked of me, just because I love Him, and want to please Him, and not for any other reason?--And that no matter what happens in the future, what I go through, what kinds of hardship and dangers and suffering come, I'll never question if I'm in the right place?
         These are questions that I've been asking myself, and I can't say that I've been too terribly happy with the answers that I've been able to give. I've taken a hard look at my life, and have been trying to get rid of the things and attitudes that I knew weren't right and didn't please the Lord, but that I just didn't want to give up.
         Like I was telling Mommy: Ask me in a few months and see if I am still as committed and dedicated then, ha! I really do hope and pray, though, that this will help me to get a lasting victory in some of these things, as I've also taken Grandpa's Homegoing to mean that time is getting even shorter, and maybe the Lord took Grandpa Home because the "perilous times" are just around the corner.
         Because of this I've wanted to go on the attack about redeeming the time more, instead of floating along with that kind of proverbial "lah-lah land" attitude. The verses that come to mind are 2Pet.3:3,4: "Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts, and saying, `Where is the promise of His coming? For since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation.'"
         I know I don't consciously think or feel that way at all, but it sometimes seems my actions reflect the attitude of drifting along, doing what I want to do instead of realising the shortness of time and pressing towards the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
         I know that if I don't stay close to the Lord and obedient, I'm just not going to make it through the tough times ahead. So I really want to "gird up the loins of my mind, be sober" (1 Pet.1:13), and strive for a closer walk and connection with the Lord.
         I really don't want to disappoint Grandpa by getting off the track, but I want to be the kind of son that he wants me to be. I know that Jesus has always been there, and He's always watching, and I really want to please Him. But knowing that Grandpa is in Heaven as well, watching and praying for all of us, and cheering us on to finish the job that he started and gave his life for, has made me want to do even better so I don't disappoint him. Grandpa has given his whole life to the Lord, he's truly fought a good fight, finished his course, kept the faith, and he's been faithful to the end! And I know that his greatest wish for each and every one of us that he has now passed the torch to is to do the same.
         Grandpa has given us so much! He's taught us how to live a wonderful and happy life here and now in a wonderful loving Family, and shown us the way to live eternally in Heaven! I just pray that we won't disappoint him, but rather carry on the mission of doing our best to do our part to reach the World with Jesus. I think through this the Lord and Grandpa are calling each and every one of us to "put away childish things," and all the things that hinder us in our walk and connection with the Lord, and become the real men and women of God that Jesus and Grandpa want us to be. And that's definitely going to be my prayer for this upcoming new year.
         I really do love you so very very very very much, and I'll continue to pray for you in the big job that you have to do. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a very happy new year!
Much much love,
David
* * *
(From Techi, 15:)
Dear Family,10/94
         I love you and just wanted to write you about the victory that we've had with Grandpa's Homegoing. Jesus, please help me to express myself clearly and well. I will need Your help, as my emotions about this are rather strong. Praise God!
         Grandpa's Homegoing was a special and sweet time and I got to see firsthand what the Lord meant by that verse, "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints." (Psa.116:15)--Because he died so peacefully and beautifully, committing his soul to the Lord. Like the prophecy said (see "Dad's Heavenly Welcome," para.8.), he's just so indescribably happy, and the Lord is so happy to welcome into His joy His beloved faithful servant. The Lord was also really sweet in how He prepared my heart.
         To start off, the last time (before this recent sickness) when Grandpa was so sick and almost at the point of death, everyone was very desperate about the seriousness of the situation. I, too, of course, earnestly prayed that He would heal Grandpa from the sickness and keep him with us. However, even though Grandpa would get so sick, I still had the idea, "Well, of course Grandpa is not going to die so soon and just leave us like that!"
         That has been my attitude in most of his sicknesses he's had in the past, even though Grandpa's been so faithful to prepare us all through the years, telling us how it would be and of the glories of Heaven. I had thought quite a bit about how Grandpa could die at any time when I was younger, but as I got older the possibility seemed more remote, because he's been sick so many times, but the Lord has healed him each time. It was really surprising this time how quickly he became sick, because he had been getting stronger and had been eating so well and enjoying it. I personally witnessed this as I made and served him his food. I'm just so thankful to the Lord that he was only sick a short time and didn't suffer.
         The night before he passed on I realised, "Grandpa is very old and he can only be sick like this so many times." David and I talked about it and I asked him, "What would you do and think if Grandpa died?" We talked about our feelings and the ways in which our lives would change, and the ways in which we would keep right on going for the Lord and Grandpa in Heaven, and Mommy here on Earth.
         It was helpful for me to talk about it, as it further prepared my heart. The next day some of us were taking turns sitting in his room as Grandpa was sleeping, and we were praying for him. I prayed with all my heart, "Lord, just heal Grandpa and deliver him and help him not to suffer." It was an illustration of what it says in "The Operator," "Prayers come from the Spirit of God," because I was almost surprised to be praying like that in a way I'd never felt before. I had a peace about it and knew the Lord was going to do something.
         I believe it was the Lord's way of preparing my heart. I thought that was real sweet of the Lord, as I don't consider myself a very spiritual person. It just shows His love and special care, and this really encouraged me. It's kind of hard to express, so I hope this is clear.
         The Lord didn't tell me what was going to happen exactly or have me pray for the Lord to take Grandpa Home; nevertheless, when it happened I wasn't really surprised but more just so very happy for him. I knew and could feel he was free at last and he was happy.
         When it looked like Grandpa was leaving us and we all gathered in his room to pray for him, Mommy prayed that the Lord would bring him back if it was His Will. But I didn't feel he was going to return; he just looked so peaceful, and you could tell he was somewhere else much better.
         I must confess, though, that a part of me was thinking that Grandpa would open his eyes at any second, and say, "Ha! Fooled you! Really had you going there for a while, didn't I?" I'd never seen a dead body before, either, so it was a different experience. But it would have been just like sweet Grandpa, always a fighter till the end, to do something like that!--To sit up and rise from the dead, like he's virtually done before when so sick.
         It just seemed strange that he was actually gone. It still does a bit, not to have him around physically. But I'm starting to get used to having him around much closer spiritually. For us, in our little Home here, it's a physical loss and we'll miss having him with us, but we gain a lot in the Spirit, along with all of you, our dear Family.
         The one that I was most concerned about, but who is the greatest encouragement to me is Mommy. The one that Grandpa's death affected the most is the most cheerful and encouraging of us all, and bubbly and happy and inspired, as usual. God bless her! Grandpa always said that their love is so eternally deep that it doesn't matter whether his physical body is there or not. It's like the movie "Ghost," where the man was gone in the flesh but he could still help his wife in the spirit. The tape "Tribute to Our King and Queen" has some beautiful songs about that as well.
         Mommy told us something that we could all relate to: She said that she was feeling condemned for things that she didn't do for Grandpa or should have done for Grandpa, the same thing that we were getting hit with. But then she said, "Grandpa would just want us all to be happy." And it's true!
         When the time came for the burial, we went to a very pretty cemetery. I'd always considered cemeteries a bit morbid and never had a lot of reason to go to one. But this one was very pretty and nice, and I'm sure Grandpa probably liked it, as he looked down on us from Heaven. He wouldn't have wanted to miss his own funeral!--Ha! We're going to put the verses Grandpa wanted for a witness on his gravestone.
         While we were at the cemetery this cute teen boy came up to a grave right beside us, which was the grave of another young person, maybe his friend. He just stood there looking hopeless, and you could almost feel the question, "Why?" It really broke my heart for some of the people in the System who don't know the Lord. When death strikes, their whole world falls apart because part of them is gone and they don't know what to do or where to turn. I think that was one reason why I cried then.
         Now I understand those who have lost loved ones a little better, and I have more sympathy for those in the System and even in the Family. Grandpa's funeral was very simple but sweet and happy. We modeled it after the only funeral that we'd ever heard Grandpa conduct, which was the funeral of a birdie. (See "Life with Grandpa" #2, pg.73.) We sang some victorious hymns, all said prayers, read Scripture and tried to be a witness in the way that we could.
         At first I was feeling a little like, "Here's the funeral of probably the most important man on Earth, a king, and there are only a few of us here." But then I realised that Grandpa would have wanted it to be simple, and it was only his body. His spirit was free and with Jesus!
         Through the years I was always burdened about Grandpa and his health and eating, especially since one of my main ministries was cooking his meals for him. So in a way it's a real relief that he's completely happy and delivered now. Thank You Jesus so much! I just feel so thankful and blessed to have partaken of Grandpa's sweet loving care all these years. I have a lot of very happy memories and am reassured to know that we're all in very capable hands: Jesus', as always, Grandpa's and Mommy's. He never fails! Praise His Name!
         I just reread the Letter "So What?!" and it's applicable for now and really helped me. Whenever I read the Word before, it almost seemed like a different Grandpa talking in the Letters, because although we had classes with him, most of the time he was just doing normal everyday things with us. But I've had a really neat experience lately while reading, one which I think brings me closer to you, dear Family: The Word has become so much more alive to me as my strongest link with Grandpa.
         The prophecies were just out of this World--Heavenly! Hallelujah! Thank You Jesus for giving us such encouragement! And wasn't it neat to hear Grandpa actually talking about Heaven and about how happy he is and encouraging us? (See "Dad's Heavenly Welcome," para.19-25.) Wow!
         Thank you, my sweet Family, for being a team that Grandpa is proud of! I know you'll keep right on going even better than ever, and that this experience will strengthen and bring us all closer together! I love you so much and always thank the Lord for you and continue to pray for you!
Love,
Techi


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