Ref Category TON: Tongue; Conversation; Wise Speech

         See also CRI: Criticism & Gossip; Rumours, FOO: Foolishness & Shallowness, POS: Positiveness, REL: Relations with People (General); Cooperation, RELC: Respect/Familiarity
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TON ML#33:4 YOU NEVER FIND THAT IN ONE OF DAVID'S SONGS! "SOMEDAY I SHALL SURELY DIE AT THE HAND OF SAUL." DAVID EVIDENTLY SAID IT, BECAUSE HE'S QUOTED AS SAYING IT IN THE BOOK OF SAMUEL--one of those brief little outbursts prompted by the Devil, that manages to get through before we catch ourselves & realise how bad it really sounds! But he had enough sense not to make a song out of it & keep singing that tune! Instead, in the Psalms, he takes a positive approach, defying his enemies, praising God anyhow in spite of his troubles, knowing God would work it all out in the end because He always had & because He promised to!

TON ML#33:14 It's so important what the Lord said about our words. Words are real things! They bless or they curse; they lift up or they knock down; they save or they damn!

TON ML#51:61 SOME PEOPLE'S MOUTHS ARE LIKE THE BUNGHOLE ON A BARREL. The minute they open their mouths, everything in their head runs out: they don't even know it.

TON ML#51:62 It only takes a year or two to learn how to talk, but all the rest of your life to learn how to keep your mouth shut.

TON ML#74:6 I ASKED MY GRANDFATHER ONE TIME WHAT THE SECRET OF HIS SPEAKING SUCCESS WAS, & he said, "I just get so full of my subject beforehand, & when I get in front of the audience I just speak right out of my heart." That's the secret of prayer. When did he fill his heart? He filled his mind & heart with the things he needed to know before he got up to speak. Out of the fullness of the heart, the mouth speaketh. Fill up your heart & you won't have any trouble knowing what to say, or what to do.

TON ML#74:9 It takes study to be quiet! You've got to really make an effort to be quiet!

TON ML#74:11 The only time you can hear is when you sit down & get quiet! God doesn't usually scream! By the time God starts screaming at you, it's too late. When it gets to the point He has to yell over your racket to be heard by you, He's probably so mad, it's too late. One of these days the Church, who is making so much racket now themselves they can't hear from the Lord--they're finally going to hear when God starts thundering out His judgements. Boy, you get quiet then! You shut up then & listen. But it's a little too late then. If you don't pay any attention to the yelling, then you get swatted down, & knocked for a loop, so you'll have to listen!

TON ML#74:9 ANYBODY CAN MAKE A RACKET--ANYBODY CAN DANCE, SING, SCREAM "JESUS SAVES" & SHOUT "HALLELUJAH"! But it takes study to b e quiet! You've got to really make an effort to be quiet!


TON ML#123:8 NOR ARE WORDS LIKE SHIT, DAMN, FUCK, NECESSARILY MORE POWERFUL! They are not necessarily part of every sentence. You can use this kind of language to show that damn System that you are not a part of it!--That Hell of a Christianity! But around people who don't understand that kind of language you had better keep your big mouth shut! The Apostle Paul said, "I became all things to all men in order that I might win some." To win some you must be win-some!

TON ML#123:9 YOU MUST ESTABLISH POINTS OF CONTACT--Rapport! There must be some things in common in order for people to communicate. If it takes fuck, damn, shit, to get the point across--Use it! If it takes sweet language, even church language, use that! But if not, then you are just going to make them mad & convince them you are not a Christian! But if you use churchy platitudes to the poor, lost wandering hippies, they will puke! For God's sake, use the language that will win them!

TON ML#154:44 WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE! Just because your leaders have sometimes used certain words like "damn" & "hell" in righteous indignation & for the right reasons & in the right places for shock value, this is no excuse for you to use this kind of language continually in vain in your daily conversation, just like the rest of the evil World!

TON ML#395:2 THE WAY TO A WOMAN'S HEART is through her ears.

TON ML#399:94 YOU KNOW WHAT? GOD'S NAME IS TAKEN IN VAIN by more Christians on Sunday morning in church than by the whole world all long, because they sing & pray & talk about God & don't mean it!

TON ML#640:32 It takes two years to learn to talk, & the rest of your life to learn how to keep your mouth shut!

TON ML#708:7 "BY THY WORDS THOU SHALT BE JUSTIFIED, & BY THY WORDS THOU SHALT BE CONDEMNED." (Mt.12:37) Words are enough! If you mean them, they're enough.

TON ML#732:33 GOD TAKES YOU AT YOUR WORD! He says don't utter an idle word, not even an idle word! He takes you at your word! Your words are important! It's important what we say! It's important when we give our word, when we promise!

TON ML#915:41 ONE THING I COULDN'T STAND WAS FOR PEOPLE TO BE SASSY & INSOLENT & SHOW DISRESPECT BY TALKING BACK. Arguing is one thing, but down-right disrespectful remarks just infuriate me, & I used to really sock it to them for that!

TON ML#1000:4 I'M ALWAYS WIRED FOR SOUND!--Even when I'm acting foolish! All my sins are recorded.--There's bound to be a few in there somewhere. It says in the Bible, "In the mulititude of words there lacketh not sin" (Pro.10:19), so there must be some. It doesn't mean that they're wrong necessarily, sometimes it's a sin just to talk too much!

TON ML#1122:29 EVERYBODY GETTING ENOUGH? It's getting awful quiet in here all of a sudden. As my Swedish Grandmother used to say when we children were too loud & talked too much at the table, "Let the food close the mouth!"

TON ML#1205:44 MY BROTHER USED TO TELL A JOKE ABOUT BIG WHEELS & THEIR SPEECHES, meaning big shots & company bigshots & politicians & preachers & all kinds of speakers. He said, "The bigger the wheel, the greater the tire, & the longer the spoke the bigger the wheel but the greater the tire."

TON ML#1222:1 DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO BE QUIET? (Rich: Effort?) Specifically according to the Scriptures what? (Family: Study.) Study to be quiet. (1Thes.4:11) Effort is true, you've really got to concentrate on it & put a lot of effort into studying to be quiet. Anybody can be noisy & anybody can cause confusion & it's quite natural. It seems to be a natural thing particularly with children because they're immature & just babies & you can expect that.

TON ML#1222:2 YOU USUALLY CAN PRETTY WELL JUDGE A CHILD'S MATURITY BY HOW QUIET HE CAN KEEP IN A TIME WHEN OLDER PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE QUIET. We can't expect the little girls to be quiet, they're too young to understand & they're busy playing, & we can't expect the dishwasher to be quiet either.

TON ML#1329:27 SOME PEOPLE MAKE BETTER PITCHERS THAN RECEIVERS!--EVERYTHING THAT GOES IN THEIR EARS RUNS OUT THEIR MOUTHS! So you can't tell them any secrets because they'll blab it to everybody. Sometimes people just do it accidentally because they know it & they think about it & then it pops out accidentally to the wrong people. You've just taken it for granted & you know all about it so you think maybe everybody else does too.

TON ML#1329:28 THAT'S A TERRIBLE RESPONSIBILITY TO KNOW A BIG SECRET LIKE THAT & NOT LET IT RUN OUT YOUR MOUTH, or not let your papers lie around where they can be picked up & read either. So, it's better you don't know about it till God gives the final confirmation.

TON ML#1458:7 QUESTION: IS IT OKAY TO SAY, "OH, MY GOD!", OR "OH, MY LORD!", or "For Christ's sake!", or is that taking the Lord's name in vain? ANSWER: You'll find I say'm often in the Letters with real genuine meaning, but not in vain!

TON ML#1462:1 IF SUGGESTIONS HAVE TO BE MADE, THE WAY IN WHICH THEY ARE MADE IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. If not delivered correctly, even the best suggestions may go unheeded. Therefore it's so important to be prayerful in making suggestions & waiting for the open door & the Lord's timing in doing so, as well as being gentle & sweet in presenting it.

TON ML#1646:1 WHEN WE WERE LITTLE KIDS THEY'D SAY, "STICKS & STONES CAN BREAK MY BONES, BUT WORDS CAN NEVER HURT ME!"--BUT WE KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE! Words can hurt you sometimes, if you say the wrong words. Like Jesus said, it's not what goes into a man that defileth him, but what comes out that defiles him. (Mat.15:11) So if you say naughty things, that defiles you. You know what "defiles" means?--Dirties! So it's what comes out of our that hurts you the most. What goes into your mouth is not really what defiles you. Even if the poison kills you, that doesn't hurt you spiritually, it's what comes out. (Maria: It say, "By thy words shalt thou be justified & by thy Words thou shalt be condemned.") (Mat.12:37) So words can hurt you & that little saying is not really true, is it?--That "sticks & stones can break my bones, but words will never harm me." Words can harm you!--Naughty words, bad words. So I changed it to: Sticks & stones can break my bones, but words can really harm me! Sticks & stones can only break my bones, but words can send you to Hell!

TON ML#1664:24 HE'S JUST GOT TO SHOW MORE LOVE TO THOSE AROUND HIM & BE KINDER TO PEOPLE, not so critical & cynical & so sharp-tongued. He needs to guard that sharp tongue & quit digging people with it.

TON ML#1709:1 TECHI, YOU SHOULDN'T REALLY SAY "OH MY LORD" UNLESS YOU'RE REALLY TALKING TO THE LORD. If you're really talking to the Lord you really mean it. When you say 'Oh my Lord', you're really talking to the Lord. You can say it then, but don't say it unless you really mean you want the Lord to hear you. Daddy says it sometimes, "Oh my Lord!", & I really mean it & I want Him to hear me. Or you could say "Oh, Lord help me," something like that. That's all right.


TON ML#1816:14 I HAVE TO KNOW THE ENEMY'S TACTICS IN ORDER TO KNOW HOW TO DEFEND US & HOW TO REFUTE IT. I don't care to spread the Devil's lies. Jesus never went into those things unless they came out & confronted Him & openly challenged Him publicly where He had to refute it. And even then, the Lord simply usually answered their questions with questions which usually immediately shut them up!



TON ML#1906:45 I COULD ALMOST SAY THAT ONCE YOU'RE HEALED YOU'VE ALMOST GOTTA EARN YOUR HEALTH FROM THERE ON! You've got to give it to God completely or you'll lose it! God will judge you from then on by your works, & He will reward you according to your works & every deed done in the flesh & every word you speak, & His Word says so! (Mat.12:36,37, 16:27, Rom.2:6) Did you get it? You'll be held responsible for every idle word & every idle deed! He'll judge you according to your works!

TON ML#1943:9 [EXAMPLE OF JESUS USING PARABLES to make a point, especially when enemies were present.]

TON ML#2023:34 There are some times when you have things to discuss with people that you can't necessarily discuss with others. It's not always wise to open up everything to everybody, & that holds true even in a threesome!

TON ML#2092:8 TABLE TALK!--A VIDEO REACTION. IT'S VERY INCONSIDERATE OF A GUEST & IT'S INCONSIDERATE OF A HOST TO DISCUSS UNPLEASANT THINGS AT THE TABLE. My Mother would have been furious. She forbade us to talk about anything unpleasant at the table. It's something my Mother never would have dreamed of, & she was a great one for hosting dinners & that sort of thing.

TON ML#2092:15 SOME PREACHERS SEEM TO THINK IF THEY STOP & PAUSE THAT THEY'VE LOST THE ANOINTING OR THE SPIRIT OR SOMETHING, & they've got to keep rattling on real fast non-stop or it's not inspired. Actually, pauses are helpful to let things sink in & allow for questions etc. You can't swallow things so fast.

TON ML#2128:1 "WORDS ARE REAL THINGS", & you need to say them. Words can curse or words can save. "By thy words art thou justified or by thy words thou art condemned!" (Mat.12:36, 37) You have to give an account of your words.

TON ML#2128:16 "BY THY WORDS SHALT THOU BE JUSTIFIED & BY THY WORDS SHALT THOU BE CONDEMNED." (Mat.12:37) We have to give an account of every word. You'll be blamed for every idle word, but you'll be given credit for every good word, so you have to put it into words.

TON ML#2128:26 Help her to read Scriptures about the Word & about the voice & how important the tongue is, "sharper than any two-edged sword" when it is quoting Thy Word, Lord.

TON ML#2128:38 THERE IS A TIME FOR EVERYTHING. There is a time to shout & there is a time to whisper.

TON ML#2128:49 "WORDS ARE REAL THINGS. They can either damn you or save you!"

TON ML#2128:52 YOU OUGHT TO LOOK UP ALL THE SCRIPTURES YOU CAN ABOUT SPEAKING & WORDS & TONGUE & MOUTH & HOW IMPORTANT IT IS! It's extremely important! It's a part of your witness, your testimony. Those are some other words you can look up. How important your testimony is, your witness. It's your words, it's words! They can save, they can heal. They can resist the Devil, especially if they're the Lord's Words. But you've got to use your own words to say them.

TON ML#2244:59 IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY LANGUAGE, YOU'LL HAVE TO GO TO SOME OTHER CHURCH! Like that famous preacher in Los Angeles who had a packed house in the Metropolitan Tabernacle, A. P. Gouthey, he used to curse & swear a lot when he was preaching! Two little old ladies came up one day after church, they'd been there for the first time & they were shocked, horrified that he used that kind of language! They said, "Why Dr. Gouthey, how could a man of God like you use that kind of language in the pulpit! We good Christians don't ever use that kind of language anywhere!" He said, "Is that so, sister, how about that! That's funny, though, you know, the World has heard about me, who the Hell ever heard about you?"

TON ML#2244:62 SOMETIMES, IT'S LIKE THE GUY THAT DUMPED THE WHOLE WAGONFUL OF APPLES WHO WAS VERY WELL KNOWN FOR HIS CURSING, & he was sitting down there under the tree silent, couldn't say a word! And the guy said, "Why John, how come you're not rantin' & ravin' & cursin'!" He said, "I couldn't do the subject justice!" In other words, there weren't enough curse words in the book to do the subject justice! Sometimes I feel like that!

TON ML#2317:4 In my early days, all I can remember is tough, rough little bullies & fighters, & the main thing was to fight your way through & lick everybody on the school grounds & be the bigshot! The toughest guy, the worst guy, the cussinest guy, the guy who used the foulest language, talked the dirtiest & could lick anybody on the school grounds, he was king of the school! Well, that's still the way of Americans.

TON ML#2318:49 I'm like the old guy that spilled his cart full of apples! He was so disgusted he couldn't even cuss. He was notorious for his cussing, but he just sat there in silence. They asked him, "How come you're not cussin' like you usually do?" He said, "I can't do the subject justice!"

TON ML#2450:14 See, that's the trouble with going to college, you learn so many big words that people don't even understand what you're talking about & you're shooting way over their heads! It's better to talk simple language like you children do & then we know what you're talking about.

TON ML#2542:11 On the other hand, if you adults are not really thinking or praying about what you're saying, you can almost make it sound like life in the System was a lot of fun. Some adults do that inadvertently sometimes by sort of joking about all the things they got away with & how they broke the law & didn't get caught, without balancing it with the suffering that it caused them & the damage it wrought in their lives.--Or what it was like when they did get caught!

TON ML#2542:12 If you don't honestly share about the "wages" of sin, the negative repercussions of the act, & you just sort of joke around about it, such testimonies can actually promote the evil deeds you once did! Such testimonies about your past life should have a point to them, & should serve as an illustration that "crime doesn't pay," that "your sin will find you out!"--Num.32:23. If you're unable to draw such lessons out of your testimony, or you can't seem to balance the more exciting or adventurous aspects of your former life with the resultant damage that your misdeeds brought upon you, then perhaps you should avoid talking about your past altogether.--Especially around our children & teens!

TON ML#2542:13 I know sometimes you're just recalling some of those things, & it's almost sort of funny to think back that many years ago when you were a completely different kind of person who has now changed so much. It can be sort of innocent, but if you're not real careful, you could inadvertently get the teens' interest aroused in things like that. For example, someone may say, "I used to shoplift all the time & I only got caught once." It's a fairly innocent remark that an adult could make, not meaning any harm by it at all, but some teen could think, "Wow!--If it's that easy, why not try it? If he got away with it, so could I!"

TON ML#2542:17 They could take a certain incident or series of related incidents & enlarge upon it & tell it like it really was, including all the gory details, to really put the fear of God into our kids! When somebody writes a testimony in the FSM that just matter-of-factly states, "I was a gun runner & I almost got killed," or "I was strung out on drugs & I almost died," what kind of effect does that have on you? It says what happened but it doesn't really move you or sink in.

TON ML#2542:22 I realise that we've usually tried to stay away from that kind of negative thing. We believe in emphasising the positive as much as possible, so we haven't really emphasised the negative. But I think our teens now need to hear it!--The nitty-gritty about how awful it is out there! They have never experienced it & they don't know what it's really like, & like I said, when they hear different adults talking about the System, it's often all so far removed from the adults that it's shared in sort of a light or even humorous way.

TON ML#2555:11 But if you're not even going to fight & people aren't going to be able to see the Lord & His strength through you, then in the final analysis it would probably be better for you to just shut up & not even say anything about your weaknesses! If you're just going to talk about & confess all of your weaknesses but aren't going to let the Lord do anything about them or help you to be strong in Him despite them, then it would be better for you to just shut up!

TON ML#2555:22 Of course, when you're strong in an area & you're using that strength & accomplishing something for the Lord, you should certainly give the Lord the credit & the glory.--And when it's an apparently "natural" strength, something you've had all along, it's even more important to verbally give the Lord the glory than when it's an obviously miraculous or supernatural thing. Otherwise most people won't have any way of knowing that it was the Lord & not just you.

TON ML#2555:28 Some people just naturally seem to be mostly good & strong & positive. Of course, many times they're also prone to being very self-righteous too, though not always. But they have to make a real effort to continually & verbally emphasise to people & even to themselves that their strength & talent & anything good about them is only the Lord & His doing! In the case of people with a lot of God-given "natural" strength, it's not quite so apparent or miraculous as in a case where you see an obviously weak person suddenly become strong & empowered from on High!

TON ML#2621:77 Some people seem to have a very bad problem with their mouth, & it's very bad for them to be vocal with their criticisms. Some would use the excuse that they need to get it off their chest to be able to get on with the Lord's Work. Usually, however, such people have already done too much of that, & it's just become a very bad habit. In such cases, they need to be shut up when they criticise & told how very bad it is, & that they must not do it!

TON ML#2621:78 They can pass on constructive criticism, yes, but when most of what they share is rather destructive, that's a big difference!

TON ML#2621:79 But we cannot tolerate destructive criticism that's designed to divide & sow discord among brethren & cause disunity, disharmony, dissension & has as its motivation jealousy, envy, revenge etc.! If people have bitternesses they have to get out, they should tell you, as their top leaders, & get it off their heart & ask you to pray with them, asking the Lord to rid them of that poisonous attitude. And then they should shut up about it. It should be stopped immediately! You have to look at the motivation & the fruit, & judge accordingly.

TON ML#2639:1 Techi, Honey, each day that you contradict & argue & are disrespectful or disobedient, those things become more & more of a habit, & you realise less & less that you're being that way.

TON ML#2639:2 I know how hard it is to break bad habits. I once got in a habit of arguing with Grandpa a long time ago, & it was really hard to break. I had to ask Peter & others to have prayer for me. So they prayed for me, but even afterwards, it was still hard. I even had to tell Peter, "When we're in meetings with Grandpa, if I start arguing or contradicting him, which I sometimes do almost automatically, would you please kick me under the table?--Or if you're sitting next to me, nudge me or something! I need help to break this bad habit!"

TON ML#2639:3 It had really gotten to be a bad habit! And once you've done something so much that it's become a terrible habit, then even if you want to break it, even if your heart is in the right place, it's still a very hard fight! And you can't usually do it on your own because you hardly even realise you're doing it. You have to have someone constantly tell you, "Techi, you argued." At first you'll probably say, "Oh no!--I didn't even realise it!" So it's a big battle to break a bad habit. It's very easy to make it, but very hard to break it! And arguing & contradicting can become habits really fast!

TON ML#2639:5 Every day that you don't get the victory & that you keep arguing, contradicting & speaking out your doubts or your displeasure at people, every day that you keep doing it, you're just continuing to build that habit, & that's really sad. So the sooner you get the victory, the easier it's going to be for you, & the happier you're going to be, & the happier everybody else is going to be as well!

TON MOM#55:4 CHILDREN, & EVEN ADULTS, SAD TO SAY, ARE NOT ALWAYS MATURE ENOUGH TO APPLY A LESSON TO RELATED SITUATIONS. If the TK says, "Don't stare at or make fun of handicapped people", they don't always also get the point that they're not supposed to make fun of or call attention to somebody else who isn't handicapped.

TON MOM#55:13 IT SEEMS AS THOUGH IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS HOW OUR THOUGHTLESS COMMENTS CAN REALLY HURT OTHERS, but we all need constant reminders, & our children need counsel & classes & pow-wows on the subject.

TON MOM#55:17 I BET DURING THE COURSE OF A DAY, THE CHILDREN ARE HURT A LOT MORE BY WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER THAN ANYTHING ELSE. Children don't expect other children to go out of their way to do loving deeds for them so much, but the things that really hurt them are each other's careless unkind words.

TON MOM#59:7 PROBABLY MUCH MORE OFTEN IT'S OUR FAULT, NOT JUST THE ENEMY'S, FOR CAUSING OR INFLICTING THESE UNDUE FEARS & PHOBIAS ON THE CHILDREN by doing or saying things that actually scare them. This is another example of needing to put yourself in the child's place & being more prayerful about your direct influence on little people who are so extremely sensitive.

TON MOM#59:8 A RELATED PROBLEM WE'VE READ ABOUT IN THE TEEN QUESTIONNAIRES IS ADULTS MAKING FUN OF THEIR CHILDREN IN A JOKING WAY, or laughing at the things children & teens say, which can deeply hurt them, especially when they're often already shy & sensitive about expressing their feelings openly! Of course, many things that children say really are funny, but they're usually not meaning to be funny, they're actually being serious & trying to express themselves openly about some serious thought or trial they're trying to communicate. Here we are supposedly trying to encourage our children to be more honest, able to express themselves more openly, share their lessons & confess their faults to us, & be more free & inspired to share their opinions, when in their hesitant attempts to speak before us, we laugh at them! No wonder they can easily develop inferiority complexes & be so terribly embarrassed or hurt that they never want to try it again! We have heard of adults who intentionally make their children the brunt of jokes & make them a laughing stock before others!--This is intolerable & inexcusable! Most of us, however, do the same unintentionally, with the same sad results.

TON MOM#59:9 ADULTS SHOULD NEVER DELIBERATELY MAKE JOKES ABOUT THE CHILDREN & AT THEIR EXPENSE, ESPECIALLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS, NOR SHOULD THEY LAUGH AT THEM IN A CONDESCENDING, PATRONISING WAY. We may need to help the teens learn to have a better sense of humour & not be so sensitive & "have a good laugh at themselves" sometimes, & not mind if adults sometimes laugh with them, teaching them that they're helping others to have an entertaining moment & cheering everybody up with a good laugh. But we're talking here about adults laughing at children & teens in a belittling & ridiculing way, not the teens laughing at themselves & others with them all together appreciating the good humour of the moment.

TON MOM#59:10 WE ADULTS CAN BE SO THOUGHTLESS ABOUT THESE THINGS. In the same situation adults certainly wouldn't like it either, if when they opened their mouth or tried to communicate something in a serious manner, especially to a group, everybody would laugh at them or ridicule them for mistakes or funny ways of doing or saying things. Adults just don't realise what they're doing, because they're not "walking a mile in their children's shoes" to discover what they would feel like if put in their children's places. We adults need to realise that some thoughtless or careless remark or laugh or something we do without praying can really hurt our sensitive children. And worst of all, deliberately making fun of anyone is a very cruel, unloving thing to do, but especially of our own children, & especially purposely embarrassing them in front of others!

TON PTR#36:43 IF TALKING BACK WAS YOUR USUAL MANNER, THIS ISOLATED INCIDENT WOULDN'T STICK OUT SO MUCH. But in your case, talking back is a danger signal, that's a symptom! That might be that evil weed starting to break ground a little bit & coming up where it's noticed, it's a little higher than the rest of the grass. That also indicates that the root system is starting to grow & you've got to get rid of it! So you do need to really watch out & think & pray about it & be careful that such things really don't take root, because if they do, your usefulness ends!

Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family