EVE 32

Cover photo: Lily (mother of 7), Africa
Suggested reading for ages 16 and up. September issue.
Copyright © 2002 by The Family. CM/FM. For nonprofit purposes only. Not for resale.


PLATFORM

Name: Crystal
Age: 50
Nationality: American
Location: Senegal, West Africa
Status: Married
Children: 2
Years in Family: 26

Q: What are some funny or embarrassing experiences from your life?
       A: One time I was on a bus, returning from some teen meetings in Belgium. My former mate Michael and I had a seat just opposite the bathroom, which was down a few steps. For some reason the door of the bathroom wouldn't close properly. Michael and I discussed how it seemed that these people couldn't think of a way to keep the door closed while they went to the bathroom.
       Then it was my turn to go to the bathroom, and I was going to show that I wasn't as dumb as these people before me. I went down the few steps into the bathroom and sat down. I simply held the door closed, that's all I needed to do to keep my privacy.-Then all of a sudden the bus rounded a corner, and instantly you could see me fly out through the bathroom door, with my pants down and my bare bottom hanging out!-Only to slam back into the bathroom and then fly back out again in the same fashion till the bus went on a straighter path. Ha!
       Another time, when I was 14 or 15, I was invited to a party. I was dancing my legs off; each song was better than the last, and I kept dismissing the fact that I desperately had to go to the ladies' room. Finally, without missing a beat I ran to the toilet, quickly did my business and ran back to the dance floor to finish up the song. I was rocking out like crazy, only to find out suddenly that there was a stream of toilet paper floating behind me-stuck in the back of my pants! Ha! I was the laugh of the party.

Q: How do sexual sharing and the Law of Love work for you? Do you have any tips, lessons or experiences that might be a help to others?
       A: When a decision is made to share, I've found that it works best to have the date happen relatively soon afterwards. If it is delayed, it is more difficult for the person who struggles with jealousy to hold on. Usually you have the grace and yieldedness when you say yes, so the sooner it happens the better.
       Also, if a certain return time has been agreed upon, it's a matter of love and respect to keep to it-or if it does go over for some reason, to give a loving explanation so that it doesn't put unnecessary fear in the other person's heart.
       A funny thing happened to me one time in regards to sharing and time frames. We were temporarily staying with my mate's former wife, who was FM at the time. She was in need of my husband's affection.-They weren't going to share sexually, but she did need some sweet cuddles and affection. My mate and I talked and prayed about it and agreed that if she came into the room and tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to come visit with her, we would take that as a sign from the Lord that she needed his loving arms.
       We were both pretty tired and it didn't seem like the best idea for that night, but we committed it to the Lord. We were also very young in our marriage, and I had even bigger jealousy battles than I do now, so it was a major sacrifice for me to share him.
       Well, the test came when she came in the middle of the night and asked him to come visit her, and of course I couldn't help but wake up too. I was a bit unsettled over the whole thing, and when he left I just pulled the pillow over my head and cried out to Jesus.
       We had agreed that if he did go, that he wouldn't stay for longer than an hour. So you can imagine how I went through it when one hour passed and he didn't come back, then two hours, then three, five, and finally six hours later he came back to bed. I was beside myself, sick at heart and fuming.
       But it turned out that when he went to her room, he gave her a few sweet and reassuring hugs, then promptly fell fast asleep till he woke six hours later, to come back to bed with me! As you can imagine, my mind went through many different scenarios, and I finally had to really trust the Lord on that one, ha!-Now I can laugh!
       I've found that my fears can become exaggerated and blown up so big, when the truth of these sharing times is never what the Enemy tries to tell me. I always feel like such a coward when things like that happen, as I often fail in not taking the test more bravely. But I'm learning, growing and continuing to share despite my fears, and it does get easier, TYJ!
       Something I read recently spoke to my heart along these lines: "If we are brave enough to love, strong enough and generous enough to rejoice in another's happiness, and wise enough to know there is enough love to go around for us all, then we can achieve a fulfillment that no other living creature will ever know." Sweet, huh?
       * Another thing that has helped is that my mate lets me make the decision as to when I think it's okay to share. Since I am the one who battles jealousy, he leaves it to my discretion; he knows I want to share him, but he also wants the blessing and peace that I'm okay with it. He respects me enough to wait till I say, "Don't you think it's time to share with So-and-so?" We didn't always handle it this way, but we found this really works. (Prayer works great too, because he prays and then the Lord speaks to me about it, ha!)
       * One other tip is about overdoing it on the aftershave. Some men I've known, when they are going for a date, put on so much aftershave that you can smell them all over the house. It's obvious to all that the guy is going to have a date! Some aftershaves linger in the air for hours, so even long after the date the house is full of this aroma, reminding the other mate of it! So if you're gonna be having a date, it might be good if you go light on the aftershave-at least don't bathe in it, ha!
       * When others share with my mate, it's always sweet and reassuring to get a thank-you note or a little mention of it afterwards. You don't mind sharing, but if you don't hear anything it's a bit funny.-It's like anything else you lend out, and this is an especially big gift to be lending. I feel so loved when I'm thanked, both from the person sharing with my mate, and from my mate as well. Little things make the difference in my frame of mind on sharing, and this gives me peace to want to share again.
       * It's funny, because I know when I'm being prayed for and when I'm not. I can feel the difference. It's not easy for me to share, but the times it's been the easiest have been when my mate has been concerned for me and has gotten more desperate in prayer.
       Sometimes he takes it more for granted, thinking all is well, and so doesn't pray much; that's usually when I unravel. So I've seen the direct results of solid prayer in sharing my mate; it really works for me, and gives me so much peace. I've also learned to continue humbling myself to ask for extra prayer to sustain me during those times.-And it works like magic. I feel so childish in asking for prayer for this, but the Lord always blesses it.


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NON-ESSENTIALS

[IN BOX]
       The mental and spiritual companionship of a woman is so much more exciting than the mere flesh! Some girls excite you just to look at their face. But some girls have no depth; they're just as shallow as their skin, and their beauty is only skin deep. (MOP2, pg.118, 213.)

Love the Hair You Were Born with

By Karen Shelton, Web reprint
      
If you ever wondered how to escape the agonies of bad hair days and unmanageable locks, adopt these simple strategies for instant relief.
       Accentuate the positive: Start by taking a good look at yourself in the mirror. Come on, there are lots of things about your hair that you like! Concentrate on what you enjoy: great color that brings out your eyes and skin, fabulous length, or bangs that are perfectly layered.
       Focus on all the great parts of your hair and don't get caught up in the attributes that you don't like. Make a mental list of these things, and whenever you get discouraged about your looks or hair, think back over your list. (Eve: What if you look in the mirror and can't find a single thing to love? Well, here's the best tip of all, and we're sure you can probably guess what we're going to say! Why not take a few moments and ask the One Who created you-just as you are-why He chose what He did for you? He made the choices, so why not get His insight on the whys and wherefores? If you find this difficult, maybe a friend or someone in your Home would be willing to receive a message about this for you.)
       Understand the boundaries of your hair type:
Whether you have stick-straight hair, masses of curls or tons of waves, look around for others who have the same type of hair. It is folly to try and have Shirley Temple curls when your hair is fine, thin or straight as a board. Instead, focus on people with hair like yours, and be realistic about the possibilities for your own hair.
       Enjoy the compliments: When was the last time you received a compliment and shrugged it off? Not only does this discourage people from giving them, it also diminishes your own feelings about how great you really do look. Next time someone displays admiration of your hair or looks, be gracious and enjoy.
       Resist the crowd mentality: Ignore hair trends and flashy "in" styles, and stay focused on what works best for you and your hair. If your thick, long locks look great in braids, embrace them with panache. If cute, cropped styles work for you, ignore the braiding frenzy. Pressures to try the latest look will only throw you into a tizzy or hair stresses.
       Have fun: Life is too short to spend even a few minutes fretting. If your hair is acting contrary, forgive it and play with it. Pin it up, pop it in a ponytail, slick it back, be adventurous and wild. Banish your self-critic and know that like everything else in life, hair has cycles. Go with your hair flow. Enjoy yourself and you will love the hair you were born with.
       (Jesus speaking:) You have so much to be thankful for. Even if you consider your hair to be one of your least "perfect" features, there's still so much to be thankful for in the overall scheme of things. You can praise Me for your other outstanding physical or spiritual qualities. Or you can praise Me that things aren't as bad as they could be. If your hair isn't as nice as you wish it were, you can praise Me that you have hair at all to cover your head.-Some people don't.
       So even if you can't find anything you feel about your hair that seems worth thanking Me for, try praising Me anyway. Praise Me for how things might be or how bad they could be, or else praise Me for something else on a totally different topic that you're thankful for. Or just praise Me for having everything under control and loving you so. Praise Me, and you can't go wrong. (End of message.)

Hair Style Tips

Compiled from Web articles

       Getting the correct hairstyle can make a big difference to your appearance. But how do you decide what style is right for you? First consider your lifestyle, then consider what face shape you have. If you're unsure about yours, try this technique:
       1. Pull your hair back and secure it so that it's completely off your face.
       2. Stand about a foot away from a mirror and look straight ahead.
       3. Using a crayon or felt tipped pen, outline your face on the mirror.
       4. Take a look at the shape you've drawn. Though it may not fit exactly into any one category, it will resemble one shape more than the rest.
       When thinking of your hairstyle, you should also take into account the texture of your hair. A long hairstyle can render fine hair flat and difficult to manage; a shorter cut may add more body. Wavy hair may look nice in chunky layers, and thick hair is often suited to soft, textured layers.
       The guide below can help you in making your decision.
[IN A NEARBY BOX]
       Round: Your face is roughly as wide as it is long, with a rounded forehead and chin.
       Oval: The length of your face is close to one-and-one-half times the width.
       Square: Your forehead, jaw line and cheekbones are almost equal in width.
       Long: Your face is longer than one-and-one-half times the width.
       Triangle: You have a wide jaw line and a narrow forehead.
       Heart: Your face is wide at the forehead and cheekbones, with a narrow jaw line.
[END OF BOX]
       * Oval Face: If this is you, you look good in cuts that are bobbed, layered, long or short. There are, however, considerations depending on your facial features. Bangs can accent your eyes while hair away from your forehead can balance your nose in profile view. Cuts that add height at the crown can be unflattering, as they make your face appear longer and narrower.
       Try: Bobs, layers, long or short; soft, fringy bangs. Avoid: Heavy bangs that cover up your forehead; any styles that hide the shape of your face.
       * Square Face: You will probably look fantastic in short-to-medium length styles, especially with wave or roundness around the face. Soft waves, fringy bangs, and layered cuts all help soften sharp angles. Think about adding curl, angled or wispy bangs, or just a few wisps on the cheek area for this type of face. Try face-framing cuts with layers that start below the cheekbone. A cut that adds height at the crown is also a good idea. Wear a side part as opposed to a center part.
       Long hair is also a good choice, particularly if your locks are thick and/or curly. If you want to wear your hair up, leave a few soft tendrils loose around your face.
       Try: Soft bangs; off-center parts. Avoid: Blunt cuts; a straight bob ending at the chin.
       * Round Face: If this is you, work toward creating an oval appearance and lift the face. Keep the sides close to your face, and go for height at the crown of your head. Length should be beyond the chin or just above it. To add length to your round face, frame it with choppy layers. A particularly flattering style is a layered shag; just remember that a side part is the most flattering of all. For a shorter cut, close sideburn wisps soften the face.
       Try: Soft bangs. Avoid: Center parts; rounded, chin-length bobs.
       * Pear Shaped (or Triangular) Face: For this type, focus on a full crown at the top of the head to create symmetry with a wide jaw. Styles that add volume at the temples look terrific. If your hair is thick, wavy or curly, wedges and shags can be the perfect choice. Short cuts of all kinds are good; go for lots of layers to achieve fullness through the upper part of your face. Tuck hair behind your ear so that you diminish attention to the cheekbone area. Also, keep in mind that short hair should not pass the neckline. Longer looks should be kept tight at the nape.
       Try: Side parts; tucking hair behind your ears to draw attention to your eyes. Avoid: Long, full styles; too much height at the crown.
       * Heart Shaped Face:
Heart shape faces need a shorter, curlier style; chin length is perfect. For hearts, you want to create width around your narrow chin. Anything that creates width at the bottom of your face works well. Shoulder-length cuts are a good choice. You may want to try face-framing curls or long, fluffy layers. Alternatively, a chin-length bob adds balance where you need it. Side slanted bangs work well because they draw attention away from the jaw line.
       Try: A side part; soft bangs. Avoid: Heavy, straight bangs that make your face look too triangular; short, full styles that emphasize the upper face; top-heavy cuts, which deflect attention from your dramatic cheekbones.
       * Long (or Rectangular) Face: This group should go for width and volume. You tend to look great with styles that soften the lines of your face and create the illusion of fullness at the sides. Try a wild shoulder-length mane, either all one length or in layers. Alternatively, a short, blunt cut will make your face appear shorter. Bangs just brushing the brow area are also a great asset because they help shorten a long shaped face.
       Try: Soft, wispy bangs that just touch the brows; layers; side parts. Avoid: Too much length, which can add to the length of your face.
      
Once you've analyzed your facial shape, think about your individual features. Do you want to play up your eyes? Your lips? Your cheekbones? Then go for it!

More Quick Tips

From the eHow Web site

       * Quick updo: Ever need to put your long hair up quick? Start with a ponytail and bring it around into a knot. Then pin on top with bobby pins, separate and twist or curl the ends, and spray with hairspray. You can also part your hair on the side before you start.
       * Long cut: A good trick for people with very long, heavy-looking hair is to layer on the bottom and taper it in the front. Bangs also look great.
       * Natural curls: The best cut for naturally curly hair is a layered cut. The more you layer your hair, the curlier it will get.
       * More shine: Rinsing your hair with cold water after shampooing and conditioning can help give your hair a bit more of a shine after it dries.
       * Volume on the go: I shower at night and I'm always on the run. To keep my hair full of volume, after washing it I use a scrunchy and pull it into the highest ponytail I can before I go to bed. I then use a second scrunchy to put my hair in a bun. When I wake up, my hair is full of volume. (Eve: This probably won't work for all hair types, or in all climates; so pray, experiment, and see what will work best for you.)

Quick Curls

From an FGA woman
      
I've found that putting my very straight hair in a bun when damp makes it wavy when I take it down. Sometimes, before a party or other special event, I fasten my damp hair in a few pincurls on the crown of my head under a bandana, while I cook or work beforehand. When I take it down later, my hair has some curl or bounce. Last time I didn't brush out the pincurls, but just separated them with my fingers, then sprayed it so they'd stay.-It looked wild and fun! Quite different from my normal "straight as a pin" look, and great for a special evening.

Prayer for Hair

From J., Thailand

       My wife had a bald spot that was growing on her head. We tried different medications to no avail. Then we sent in a prayer request. Soon after that, we went to visit a Home for a week, and we forgot the medication (and the bald spot!). When we returned home after the visit, and my wife went to put the medication on, we couldn't even find the bald spot! The Lord healed it, as soon as we left it in His hands and got busy in His service.

Hair Dos and Don'ts

About Beauty Web site
      
Beautiful hair cannot be found in any one miracle product or pill. Gorgeous tresses can only be obtained through a combination of products, techniques and nutrition. This three-pronged approach yields the best results by far.
       Potent Products:
      
There are no shortcuts to healthy hair, but some products can do much to enhance your hair's sheen and volume. Just be sure to choose products that are right for your hair type. For example:
       * If you have oily hair, only use small amounts of conditioner, and every now and then omit the conditioner entirely.
       * Do the opposite if your hair is dry and damaged. Leave the conditioner on for three to five minutes. Try a conditioner that contains vitamin B5, which penetrates the hair shaft. (Eve: Or try some natural conditioning recipes, such as those found in Eve #4:32; #19:17-18.)
      
How your hair looks and feels is the best indicator of which products are right for you. If your hair doesn't comb easily or have a natural gloss after shampooing, keep experimenting until you find what works well for you. (Eve: According to what the Lord supplies!)
      
There is some truth to the old-fashioned admonition to brush your hair 100 strokes a day. Repeated brushing from the scalp all the way through the ends of the hair helps distribute the scalp's natural oils, making the hair shiny. Here are some other helpful hair how-tos:
       Washing:
      
* When washing, scrub the scalp with the pads of your fingers, not the nails. This helps distribute oils and stimulates the blood supply to the scalp.
       * Alternate among two or three favored products to prevent buildup of oil and wax, which are common ingredients in hair care products that claim to make the hair look fuller.
       Styling:
      
* Keep hairdryer at least six inches away from the hair. Overheating will weaken the hair shaft. Better yet, let your hair air dry to a damp state before turning the dryer on it.
       * Trim hair every six weeks to two months, to keep split ends at bay.
       * Do not brush wet hair, as it will stretch and break it. A wide-toothed comb works better, and will reduce friction and breakage.
       * Use a brush made of natural bristles. Nylon bristles can tear the hair shaft.
       * Keep braids, ponytails and pigtails loose, to avoid breaking the hair.
       * When brushing dry hair, begin at the ends of the hair and work your way up to the scalp in short strokes. Once all the knots are out, switch to long strokes starting at the scalp.
       Eat Your Way to Healthy Hair:
      
If you long for lustrous locks, begin from within. Healthy hair goes hand-in-hand with a healthy body. The nutrients listed below are especially important to how your hair looks and feels, so you'll want to be sure to get plenty of them in your diet.
      
* Iron, which comes from red meat, dark green vegetables and legumes, helps carry oxygen to the hair follicles.
       * Zinc, which can be found in meat, beans and wheat germ, helps retard hair loss and builds hair protein.
       * Water (at least one quart of water for every 1,000 calories consumed) helps keep the hair supple.
       * Copper, from nuts, seeds, liver and fresh vegetables, enhances your hair's natural color.
       * Protein, a fundamental building block of healthy hair, is prevalent in meat, fish, eggs, nuts, beans, whole wheat flour and whole grain rice.
       * Vitamins A, B, and C enhance circulation, strengthen hair, keep the scalp healthy and promote growth and color.
       When you combine good health care with good hair care, the result is shiny, bouncy hair.

It's Too Easy!

By S. P. Bragg, About Beauty Web site

       As your hair has no feeling, you might not even be aware that you are causing major damage. Here are some ways that you could be breaking your hair without meaning to. Unfortunately, it is very easy!
       Wrapping it in a towel: Hair while wet is longer than when it has dried. If hair is left wrapped in a towel for a long period, the towel could snag the hair, causing breakage as it attempts to return to its "dry" length.
       Brushing while wet: Most people are just in too much of a rush and as a result, attempt to detangle their hair too quickly. This has to be done in small sections, starting at the bottom and then slowly working your way up to the roots. Remember, when your hair is wet it is the most vulnerable to damage. Take your time and go as slowly as you can.
       Restless sleeping: Restless sleepers may actually be breaking hair as they sleep. Putting hair up to sleep is also helpful. Hair should be put in a ponytail on top of the head. Always use rubber bands that are wrapped in cloth. (Eve: Another good method is to pin hair up in a bun, right on top of the head. Use long hair pins with rubber tips so as not to damage the hair.)
       Blow-drying too often:
Hot air is not good to use regularly on delicate hair shafts.

(Eve: In the CVC vocational section under Home Economics /Domestic and Personal Services, you will find a course on Hair Care. Look in the
CVC Handbook 2000, pg. 348, course HME DM-06. You can also look it up in the CVC book PDF on the CVC site: www.cvcollege.com)


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SEX AND ROMANCE

Freeing My Spirit to Love Jesus

From J., Europe
      
The Lord has been speaking to me during my prayer time about learning to love unselfishly for the benefit of another. This is something we're all familiar with, but sometimes the Lord has a way of bringing it home and showing us where we're missing the mark personally. In this case, it had to do with me learning how to love the Lord more intimately.
       I knew I needed to start living the "Loving Jesus" revelation wholeheartedly, but one thing that was holding me back (along with my pride) was the fact that I didn't feel any romantic feelings towards Him. That sounds pretty bad, but it's true. I do love Him as my Lord, Savior, King and all that, and I do think of Him as the Lover of my soul and my Husband, but I didn't possess that romantic, in-love sensation.
       It's easier to fantasize loving up someone who you have romantic feelings for, but what if you don't? And that has been a bit of a battle for me. But the Lord showed me that He needed and wanted my love, and that I needed to just go ahead and do it anyway, even if I didn't have big romantic feelings. Feelings had nothing to do with it; He wanted me to learn to love unselfishly for the benefit of another-and in this particular case, for Him! That is what unselfish love is all about, but I had never thought of it in relation to the Lord before-loving the Lord unselfishly. It's been a revelation to me.
       That is what living the Law of Love is all about: It's not to satisfy your own selfish desires for love and affection, but rather to give love and affection to others, regardless of whether you have personal feelings of love. In fact, in order to really be able to love others around us, we need to spend time loving the Lord unselfishly first; then He'll empower us with His love and grace to love others.
       Even though in the past I had some trials with sharing, I have to admit that since we've been living by ourselves all these years, I have missed it. I miss the closeness and unity that it brought with others. And since we don't live with others right now, I was feeling a bit left out of being able to live the Law of Love (in the sexual sense). I know this is a big part of being prepared in spirit for the days ahead, but exercising that particular weapon didn't seem to be possible in our present situation. But then the Lord showed me that I still could live the Law of Love by having regular dates with Him! He said to me, "Am I not also one of your brethren?" and that spending regular time with Him, as well as the time I spent loving up my husband, would count toward living the Law of Love. Wow!
       Since then I went back and started re-reading through the "Loving Jesus" Letters; it's been coming more alive to me than before. TTL!

His Orgasm-10 Things He's Dying to Tell You

By Robert Hamilton,
Redbook
      
For all the attention it receives, the male orgasm doesn't get talked about in much detail, despite the fact that there can be a huge difference in intensity from one orgasm to the next.
       With this information gap in mind, I set out to discover what, exactly, makes for the most bone-rattling, foundation-shaking male orgasms, and what women can do to encourage their arrival. I went straight to the experts-a few sex therapists, and lots of men. So here it is, finally-what you've always wanted to know in order to help your guy have stronger, longer orgasms.
       One warning before we begin: Be prepared for surprises, and for seeming contradictions. It turns out that male orgasms are both as single-minded as they sometimes seem and at the same time a lot more complicated. As sensitive as men are to skill and technique, they're equally powered by mood, setting, and timing. The fun-for him, for you-is in mixing up the following strategies to see what will work for you.
       1. Tell Him He's Got the Night Off: A good orgasm for a man is the sexual equivalent of a cold drink at the end of the workday-a satisfying reward for a job well done. The job in this case is pleasing you. A major part of the satisfaction men get from sex is the ego boost that results from making our partners go bonkers in bed. The point is that a lot of men won't allow themselves to savor their own orgasm until they've accomplished that goal.
       Sex therapists will tell you that although this approach is admirable-better that men be too concerned with their partners' orgasms than not at all concerned-it can nonetheless constitute a form of voluntary sensory deprivation. By reining in their passion, many men deprive themselves of the sexual abandon that produces the strongest orgasms. Sex becomes a battle to make sure she has an orgasm, rather than a mutual sharing of enjoyment.
       The solution? Give your man the night off every once in a while. Encourage him to focus on enjoying himself without worrying about taking care of you. There are two basic ways to go about this. One is to tell him, as your lovemaking heats up, that you want this one to be all for him, that tonight he should do whatever makes him feel good. The other is to encourage him to lie back passively and let himself be pleasured by you. This method enables him to concentrate completely on what he's feeling, rather than on what he's doing. The same should go for you when he returns the favor another night: Ideally, both of you will regularly take turns teaching the other delightful lessons in the art of orgasmic appreciation.
       One caution: Many men find it difficult to let go of control during sex. Don't be surprised if it takes a while before your husband (or lover) is comfortable turning the reins completely over to you. Be patient, but be firm. He'll learn to love it.
       2. Hold Back the Goods-Tonight and Tomorrow: Ask any man after a week on the road-abstinence is the world's most powerful aphrodisiac. Even when he's not out of town, you can contribute to that pent-up, dying-to-make-love state of mind by deploying some sexual teasing tactics during the day. Try "accidentally" flashing a little breast at him in the morning on his way out the door, or giving him a seductive phone call when he's out. Women can plant a sexual seed that will flower that night into a stronger orgasm.
       3. Extend Your Love Strokes as Long as He Can Stand It-and Then Some More: The same drive that makes a man wild with desire when he gets home from a road trip is at work within each individual bout of lovemaking. As foreplay continues, muscle tension builds and the genital area becomes engorged with blood, resulting in a steadily growing pressure for release. The more pressure, the more pleasure in the release, because the contractions tend either to be stronger or last longer.
       The added beauty of that physical buildup is that it works hand-in-hand with what's happening to him mentally: The tension in his testicles only heightens the passion in his mind, and vice versa. This mind-body multiplier effect unquestionably produces the most spectacular crescendos.
       4. Intercept His Drive to the Finish Line: In our heart of hearts, we men know that the longer the foreplay, the stronger the orgasm, for ourselves as well as for our partners. But at the same time, we have this incredibly powerful drive to simply come, come, come! We can't help it!
       The trick for you is to help your partner set aside this imperative so that sex lasts long enough for a truly eventful climax to build. Try setting the tone for longer, more languorous sex by starting things off with a slow, sensual backrub. Other delaying tactics can be brought into play as the festivities progress. Stopping for an occasional cooling-off period works beautifully, but takes discipline. The woman-on-top position is useful because it helps the man restrain his urge to start thrusting. A prolonging method that may take practice is called the "squeeze technique." Just before his orgasm appears imminent, put your thumb on one side of the base of the penis and the tips of your index and middle fingers on the other side, then squeeze. You can then start your mutual ascent to the mountaintop again.
       5. Slam-Dunk Him with a Quickie: Arousal is a mysterious and powerful thing, and sometimes the frenzied abandon of a quick and lustful coupling can produce a climax that's every bit as explosive as a marathon session in the sack. I suspect this has something to do with that centuries-old sexual circuitry we mentioned: Sex without ceremony can tap into deep reservoirs of passionate instinct. I personally had one of my strongest orgasms when my wife overpowered me as I innocently came home from work one night-pieces of clothing were scattered between the front door and the bedroom. I'm sure the fact that she was the instigator added fuel to the fire.
       6. Catch Him With His Defenses Down: A corollary of the quickie concept is the sneak attack: An element of sexual surprise can produce a powerful climax. Sometimes you need to cut through all the chaos and clutter of modern life. Anything from job pressure to money woes to kid problems to bedroom boredom can come between you and your man's deepest passions. Spontaneity can help bring him to his senses.
       A good time to try this is on a weekend morning. That's usually when men are most relaxed and their testosterone levels are at their peak.
       7. Go Straight for His Most-Prized Possession: It's not really politically correct to admit this, but the truth is that when orgasm is imminent, there's only one male erogenous zone, and you know where it is. That doesn't mean men don't like to be kissed or caressed, but when it comes to orgasm, you can start and end with the penis.
       It makes sense, therefore, that when men are out for the hottest orgasms, their positions of choice tend to be those that provide the most direct penile stimulation, and the best opportunities for penile thrust. As one man put it: "For pure physicality, rear entry is the way to go. There's more friction, more depth. I also love it when my wife is on top, holding herself up, especially when she does that backward."
       Then there's another favorite form of penile stimulation: the vaginal squeeze of a woman who's been doing her Kegel exercises. (Kegels strengthen the PC muscle, the one you clench when you want to shut off your flow of urine.) "All of a sudden it feels like a hand gripping you," one man said. "That's amazing."
       8. Explore the Erogenous Zones: As concentrated as we men are on our penises, there are other strategic spots that, when stimulated, can send us careening over the edge.
       Some men say that having their testicles stroked as they come heightens the sensation. "Women are more worried about touching the testicles than they should be," one man explained. "It's only when you bang into the testicles that it hurts. Having the scrotum rubbed feels great."
       Other sensitive spots seem to depend more on personal taste. One man I spoke with loves it when his wife rubs his nipples; another recalls a girlfriend who greedily sucked his fingers; and sex therapists often recommend massaging the point between the testicles and anus-called the perineum-at the point of orgasm.
       9. Respect the Sacred Moment: The male orgasm consists of two stages. In stage one, the sperm is drawn up from the testicles and pooled with ejaculatory fluids in a sort of staging area just below the prostate gland. Masters and Johnson called this the point of "ejaculatory inevitability," meaning that the man's mother, his priest, and his former girlfriend could walk in the room, and his orgasm would continue as if nothing had happened. Stage two, which kicks in seconds later, is ejaculation.
       If possible, avoid interrupting your man's concentration as the stages unfold. Using techniques that both of you know and like is fine, but unexpected, dramatic maneuvers at the point of orgasm are more likely to distract than accentuate. Moving a lot falls into that category. Simply stand back, as it were, and let his orgasm happen. It's not the time to get fancy or creative.
       Again, a dilemma: How do you find new ways to push your man over the top without interrupting his orgasmic concentration? Realize that you have to choose some nights to experiment and others to go for the peak experience.
       10. Love Him to Pieces: The biggest secret about men's orgasms, I think, is that they reveal how vulnerable we are. That's why they're so sensitive to the environment.
       What's at the bottom of all this, I think, is that we men are really looking for the same things from sex that women are: love, acceptance, and intimacy. The moment of orgasm is when those needs are most exposed, and men-even married men-can get nervous being emotionally naked. When asked what techniques produced his most intense orgasms, one man fondly recalled lovers who grabbed him by his butt and pulled him tighter toward them, as if they wanted nothing so much as to completely absorb him. Another talked about how his wife sometimes lovingly strokes his face as he comes. "It's about her showing that she really wants me," he says.
       Experts can talk for hours about how to achieve true intimacy, but a good place to start would be in bed tonight. Tell your man how much you love him, and mean it.
       Then hold on for dear life.
       (Dad speaking:) It's fun to read about new tricks or fun ideas to help spice up your sex life. But the most important thing to remember-as this article so aptly brings out at the end-is that when it comes down to the real brass tacks, it's all about love. Love is what will make your times of lovemaking really outstanding. If you're really there for him, focusing all your love and care and attention on his needs and happiness, believe me-he'll feel it. And so will you.


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HEALTH

Feature: Before and After Surgery

Post-Surgery Care and Recuperation

From Maria (of Andy), Colombia
      
About two years ago I had to undergo surgery for the first time-to remove my gallbladder that was full of stones. It was my first hospital stay, and my first time under general anesthesia; all my babies have been born naturally and I have returned home a few hours after their births.
       It was quite a big thing to have surgery! Everything was new to me, so I dove into the pubs to look for counsel, tips or ideas on the subject. There was a lot of spiritual counsel-which is the most important, as where He leads and guides, He also cares for and provides. And that He did, and very well. PHN! My recovery process was very smooth, and now my scar is hardly noticeable.
       Then more recently, I had my second experience with surgery. It started when visiting a gynecologist friend of ours, who suggested that I have an exam. It had been awhile since I had had one done, so after shooting up a prayer, I went ahead. Everything seemed fine until she did an internal exam and felt a little lump on my right side. To make a long story short, after some tests I was diagnosed with a large growth somewhere in my lower right side: It was attached either to my uterus, fallopian tubes or ovaries. The doctors didn't really know. Our dear friend suggested immediate surgery.
       After the diagnosis, I spent a day in fasting and prayer, seeking the Lord with all my heart, and He told me, amongst many other things, that this illness was a touch of His love for me. It was my path to the road of weakness.-My earnest prayer in this Era of Action was to learn to be weak and humble, and I'm so thankful that our precious Jesus helped me by giving me this time apart to learn and get closer to Him through this affliction. TYJ!
       So I wanted to share some tips, ideas and suggestions here, on pre- and post-surgery care and diet, as I did have a second surgery-following the Lord's counsel and guidance-and I had a very large myoma (a tumor composed of muscle tissue) removed, which was attached to the outside wall of my uterus. The doctors had been speculating about cancer, about removing an ovary and even my entire uterus. Considering my age (41), they had expected a long and difficult surgery.-They even wanted me to bring close friends and relatives with my blood type to donate blood and have it ready if the need arose. The Lord told me that it was going to be simple and easy, so I clung to that promise while riding the wave of dark prognostications from the medical world.
       The surgery went very well. I responded so well that they sent me home four hours after surgery. TYJ!-Just as He promised! (And the Lord helped us provision the clinic and all expenses!) Now I'm on my way to full recovery, feeling quite healthy and strong, TYJ!
       Once I had the okay from the Lord to go ahead with the surgery, I started to eat foods rich in iron. Iron helps increase the red blood cells, and it's imperative before surgery to have a very good count of red cells and hemoglobin in your body. In case of hemorrhage, your body would most likely then have enough to maintain without the need of giving you any outside aid-such as blood!
       About 10 days before surgery, I began daily eating lots of lentils, canned sardines, soy products, wheat germ, brewer's yeast, dark green vegetables, nuts, raisins, and everything the Lord supplied with iron properties. I asked for prayer from our precious Active members as well, and many offered their help. GBT!
       Besides a good diet, I also took daily get-outs-lots of walking and some exercises to strengthen the muscles of the area I knew was going to receive the "cut." I also drank lots of water to flush any toxins from my body; the kidneys play a very important role while your body receives the anesthesia, so it's important to have them clean and well kept. As you've noticed, some of these tips are plain old good habits that Dad and Mama have been telling us for years, to keep a healthy and fit body.
       For sure, keeping your mind stayed on Him is the best thing, as entering surgery with peace of mind helps your body to respond better and heal faster. Remember, worry can kill.
       After surgery I learned that no matter how long or painful the cut, I had to move a little bit every day, and not stay in bed all day long. I had to either take small steps, or sit up in a chair. This helps to bring the needed blood and oxygen to every part of your body, which enables you to heal faster.
       It's also important to have normal BMs. The anesthesia affects the digestive system a bit, so moving a little and drinking lots of liquids helps you have easy and regular BMs (as well as eating foods with plenty of fiber).
       I ate normal meals-the first day mainly soups and fruits-and drank lots of liquids to clean out my body from the anesthesia and the medicines the doctors had to put in during the surgery. I also ate extra oats, papaya and grapes, which have properties that help heal scar tissue.
       A friend gave me some calendula (see pg.18) and told me to make a tea and regularly soak a cloth in it and put it on the wound. She told me that it helps to heal the wound and avoid infections. I did that with my first surgery and it helped me a lot.
       I also learned from my first surgery to massage the wound from one side to the other daily, after the doctor had removed the stitches. When you feel ready, just start massaging as if you were gently pinching it, from one side of the scar to the other. This helps your skin not to get stuck or glued to the muscle. The lack of movement in the scarred area, because of the pain or sensitivity you feel, tends to cause the skin to stick together with the muscle or whatever else is there. So it's important when starting to walk, to walk straight, and if you can, massage the wound to help everything get back to normal.
       Also, avoid direct sunlight on the scar for at least three months. It seems that it darkens the scar for good if you do so. My 10-cm scar from my first surgery is now hardly noticeable. I just tried some of these tips, plus the most important one: loving, following, and keeping very close to my precious Jesus!

Calendula:
(The Herb Research Foundation) The herb is also known as common marigold or "pot marigold" because the dried flowers were traditionally used in soups and stews to help ward off illness. Calendula is perhaps best known for its effectiveness in healing skin problems such as wounds, burns, insect bites, eczema, skin ulcers, and rashes. It has also been used internally to soothe and heal gastric and duodenal ulcers, as a wash for varicose veins and hemorrhoids, as a rinse for toothaches, and as an eyewash for conditions like conjunctivitis.
       This attractive plant is not fussy about soil conditions and can be grown from seed in almost any sunny area. To harvest, pick the flowers as they open and spread them to dry in a place that is out of direct sunlight and free from moisture. Store the dried flowers in jars and use as needed. Calendula reseeds easily, so at the end of the growing season simply leave some of the flowers on the plants to form seed heads. Scatter the dried seeds wherever you would like to see calendula pop up next spring.
       To make a simple skin oil, place a handful of dried calendula flower heads or petals in a glass jar and add enough oil (such as sweet almond or apricot kernel oil) to completely cover the plant material. Seal the jar and allow it to infuse for 4 to 8 weeks, shaking daily. When the oil is golden, strain and store it in a dark bottle in a cool dark place. (Keeping the oil in the refrigerator will extend its shelf life.) Use this oil freely for any skin condition, or add some melted beeswax and a few drops of tea tree or lavender essential oil to make a healing and soothing salve.
       To use internally, make a tea from the dried flowers using about three or four flower heads per cup of boiling water.-Be sure to remove the bitter green calyx (the part that encloses the flower). For a soothing bath, make a strong tea by bringing three cups of water to a boil. Add 12 to 15 flower heads, reduce the heat, cover, and simmer for 10 to 15 minutes. Strain and add the liquid to your bath.
       Don't confuse Calendula officinalis with the French or African marigolds (Tagetes species) commonly planted as ornamental borders and pest deterrents in vegetable gardens. Calendula can be distinguished by its bright golden orange or yellow flower heads, its sticky calyx, the hairy texture of its leaves, and its height of eighteen inches to two feet.

Herbs and Surgery

Nutrition News Focus
      
There is concern that the use of herbs by patients having surgery will have a negative impact on their care. The herbs echinacea, ephedra, garlic, ginkgo, ginseng, kava, St. John's wort and valerian were all identified as sources of serious medical complications.
       Bleeding can be caused by garlic, ginkgo, and ginseng; low blood sugar by ginseng; and cardiovascular instability by ephedra. Kava, St. John's wort, and valerian all have effects on blood levels of prescription drugs.
       Many hospitals advise patients coming in for elective surgery to stop all over-the-counter remedies and nutritional supplements at least a week before surgery. The fact that they are natural has no relationship to their safety. If your doctor doesn't ask, volunteer the information.
(Dad speaking: Amen! This is very important! Just because something's natural does not mean that it's meant to be used by any person, at any time. So it's very important not only to confirm with the Lord before you begin taking any herbs or natural supplements, but also keep checking back with Him at regular intervals, especially when there is any kind of big change in your life or routine.-And if you are doing any kind of medical procedures or treatment, be wise and counsel with the doctors or those who know about the situation. As you do your part, the Lord will do His and keep you safe and happy and healthy in His service.)

How to Get Rid of Gas After Surgery

Ohio State University Medical Center

       After surgery, people often experience strong gas pains. If you have trouble with this, the following exercises can help ease the discomfort.
       Immediately after surgery, you may not be able to eat or drink. When you start to take fluids, do not take very hot or very cold liquids. Both can cause gas.
       The best way to prevent gas pains is to have a bowel movement as soon as possible after surgery. Other things that help are moving in bed from side to side, getting out of bed, and walking.
       Massaging or rubbing your stomach, or doing mild exercise may help get rid of gas. Do this exercise several times a day:
* Lie on your back with your legs straight and a pillow under your knees.
* Slowly raise your right leg and move it towards your stomach. Bend your leg at the knee and hip.
* Hold this position for the count of 10.
* Take two or three slow, deep breaths.
* Slowly lower your leg.
* Repeat this exercise with your left leg.
       Try rubbing or massaging your stomach this way:
* Make your hands into fists.
* Put the knuckles of your left hand on the right side of your stomach.
* Using firm but gentle pressure, roll your hand up toward your chest, across your stomach, and down the left side.
      
Recovery Diet Tips

From Marina, Japan
      
Here are some tips on recovery after surgery, which I wrote up to send to a friend of mine, from my experiences in my recent major surgery.
* It's good that you walk and stretch regularly.
* What you eat is also important, and how you prepare it.
* To get back your strength, it might be good to take some vitamins. A multivitamin complex with vitamin A and natural beta-carotene is good; also vitamin C, vitamin E, zinc plus calcium and magnesium and silica, and vitamin D. These are all important for tissue repair, healing of wounds, etc. A lot of these help to strengthen your immune system. (Eve: If you are taking any kind of post-operative medication, be sure to counsel with your doctor about taking vitamins or other supplements.)
* Add lots of fiber to your diet, and drink at least 8 cups of liquids daily, including herbal teas, 100% juices, and protein supplement drinks (if available).
* Try eating several small, nutritious meals instead of three big ones. Avoid refined and processed foods as much as possible.

Your Nutritional Health and Surgery

Compiled from articles by Freda Newman, RNC; Robert Myers, MD; Health Direction Web site, and more
      
Surgery imposes unusual demands on your body: creating new tissue and blood vessels, repairing damaged tissue, manufacturing extra cells needed to heal the wound and make repairs. If your body is short of essential nutrients, it won't be able to meet these demands as well as it should. This may leave you more vulnerable to infection, as well as slowing your healing time. Fortunately, there are a number of things you can do, both before and after surgery, to help you strengthen your system to better deal with the extra demands placed upon it by surgery.
       General good nutrition is always important, but especially before and after surgery. Avoid sugar and other refined carbohydrates, artificial additives, caffeine, fried foods, and hydrogenated oils. All these substances can promote the formation of free radicals, which inhibit good skin repair.
       Besides making sure that you are generally as nutritionally fit as possible, there are specific nutrients that may be especially needed during the healing period, such as beta-carotenes, vitamin C, several of the B vitamins, vitamin E (caution required), vitamin K, magnesium, copper, iron, zinc, essential fatty acids (EFAs), amino acids, etc. It's best to get most of these extra nutrients from food sources, rather than supplements. (Eve: You can do a search for these nutrients in the Parenting and Childcare Index, available for download from the MO site, to find various lists of food sources for each one.)
      
Ideally, you should prepare yourself nutritionally several weeks before surgery, but even if you are not able to do that you can still have many of the benefits of improved nutritional strength by beginning after your surgery.
       Be sure to drink plenty of water, taking into account medical advice concerning any special need you may have. Try to consume protein-rich fluid as half of your fluid intake between meals (e.g., milk, soy milk or other protein drinks).
       Obtaining adequate calories and protein is vital. Eat protein-rich foods first at each meal. This is necessary to promote adequate healing of your incision. A minimum of 50 grams a day and as much as 100 grams a day of protein may be necessary, depending on the surgery you will have. Protein is extremely important for recuperation because it's:
       * required to form antibodies to fight infections
       * vital for synthesizing collagen, which is necessary for scar formation
       * utilized to rebuild damaged tissue
       * the backbone for repair and maintenance of many crucial tissues in the body
       In addition, plasma proteins, formed from dietary proteins, maintain fluid and electrolyte balance.
       Whole grains, vegetables, and fruits provide essential nutrients as well as providing bulk to decrease the problem of constipation. Generally, as much of these may be eaten as you like, and certainly a minimum of 3-5 servings of vegetables and 1-2 servings of fruit a day should be eaten.
       Other important nutrients specific to wound healing include:
       Vitamin C … citrus fruits, cabbage, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, dark green vegetables, cantaloupe, strawberries, peppers, lettuce, tomatoes, potatoes, papayas, mangoes.
       Zinc … meat, fish, poultry, beans.
       Anyone with post-surgery complications or depleted nutrition stores needs more calories and protein than before the procedure. A higher caloric intake also increases the need for B vitamins. B vitamin supplements usually are not necessary since these nutrients are found in a wide array of foods.

Tips for Recovering from Abdominal Surgery

Web reprint

* Take things slow at first; you will get a little better each day.
* Get out of bed soon after surgery. Yes, it's likely to hurt, but don't fight the nurses when they want to get you out of bed in the days following your surgery. You will recover faster and get released sooner if you get up and start moving around. Additionally, this will get your bowels moving again so you can get off the liquid diet and get some real food.
* No lifting, heavy housecleaning, or vacuuming. Your muscles need time to heal. Do not lift things heavier than recommended by your doctor (typically this is about 5 pounds or about 2 ½ kilos). For example, you should not lift children, cats, dogs, grocery bags, and laundry baskets, etc. Your continued health and complete recovery is too important to risk by lifting. Vacuuming is difficult on the abdominal muscles; don't do it until the surgeon says you're ready.
* Get some light exercise as soon as you are able. Your recovery will go in stages. At first, walking will be tough enough. Don't wear yourself out, but walk as much as you are able. When the surgeon releases you to do more, start into an exercise program slowly.
* No sex until the doctor releases you. Don't be afraid to discuss with your surgeon about when you will be well enough to have sex-it's a very important question. This is a personal decision that also needs to be discussed with your partner, and will depend on your comfort level. You will know when you are ready.
* Keep extra pillows on hand. A pillow between the knees, and another held against the stomach helps with discomfort during sleeping. Additionally, put one on any chair you are sitting in for extra comfort.
* People often tend to breathe shallowly after abdominal surgery because they're frightened that it will hurt to breathe deeply. It's vital to take deep breaths, to keep your lungs clear so that you don't get a chest infection.

The Importance of Spiritual Preparation

By Dad

       It goes without saying that going in for any kind of operation or surgical procedure is no small matter. You know that I've written a lot in the Letters cautioning against doctors and hospitals and so on, but the fact is that sometimes it's both unavoidable, as well as the Lord's highest will in certain cases and situations. What you want to make sure you do is ascertain that this is the case for you. If you are going into your operation with full, perfect peace, with the Lord's words of guidance and direction and confirmation, then you'll know things are going to work out for the best and you'll be under His care.
       There's no way you can put your trust in doctors. They are capable of making countless errors and mistakes of all kinds. But you can put your trust in the Lord, and if you have prayed beforehand and gotten His confirmation, as well as even praying with the doctors if possible, then you'll know you've done what you can do. Why not turn your surgery into a witness?
       Hearing from the Lord beforehand is essential; praying together with others in your Home before you go is vital-but what about praying once you're there? Why not ask the doctors and the nurses or whoever will be in attendance if they would mind gathering together for a few words of prayer and laying on of hands? It will not only be a great testimony to them, but an important preventative and protective measure as well.
       The Lord is the One Who made your body. He made you, and He can heal you. Now certainly there are times when an operation is needed, but those times can also be turned into a testimony as the Lord anoints the hands of those who will be doing the work.
       Aside from that, make sure you are getting all the spiritual preparation you need for this big and important event in your life. The physical preparation is important, but even more important is the spiritual preparation, which is directly linked to the physical. Just like you need to eat right in advance, get your body built up and strengthened, in the same way your spirit needs to be primed up, prepared, and given extra nourishment.
       So don't just eat your regular spiritual meals. Take extra time with the Lord. Set aside a time to really dig in the Word, research the pubs, and memorize verses. Write out faith-building verses and quotes in a special notebook which you can bring along to have a friend or helper read to you before, during, or after your surgery. There is a wealth of spiritual nourishment available, and the more you make use of it, the stronger your spirit will be-and the stronger your body will be as well. It's a law of God's Spirit that you can't have one without the other. The world talks about "positive attitude" and how it affects you in an operation and recovery and so on.-Well, they've just begun to scratch the surface of the spiritual reality.
       A positive attitude is important, yes, and even a Godless positive attitude will have some good effect. But if you can take this law of the spirit and apply it to the fullest, filling your mind and heart to the brim with the Word and the things of His Spirit, then you will see miracles like you have never dreamed.


* * *


PREGNANCY AND CHILDBIRTH

Beautiful Motherhood

From Clare (24, of Nathanael), USA

       My journey to motherhood began three years ago when Nathanael and I got married. We had decided from the beginning that we would let the Lord decide when to start our family. Unbeknownst to us, it would take a bit longer than we had expected.
       We waited for the inevitable, enjoying our time together and yet looking forward to when our little baby would come. The first year passed, the second year passed, and then we began to wonder if we could even have kids. There was no shortage of kids popping up around us, but none coming our way … and yes, we were aware of how babies are made. After a while I sort of gave up hope, and figured maybe the Lord had something else in store for us as a couple. We kept ourselves occupied helping with and enjoying others' kids.
       One day, well into our second year of marriage, I started feeling weird, so I thought I would pick up a home pregnancy test. I figured it would be yet another negative result. So as I watched the little positive line appear on the test, I fell flat on my rear in disbelief. Nat and I spent the next few days in shock, and I felt bad that I wasn't initially more excited about it. We had waited so long for this moment-what was wrong with me? As the days passed and I had time to adjust, I became more yielded to the idea. Nat told me what a great thing it was; he hugged me and thus sprouted the first bud of love for our baby.
       Through the nine loooong months we journeyed together experiencing the anxiety of how our lives were changing and still were yet to change. We experienced the joys of the early milestones-hearing the heartbeat, feeling its first kick, finding out we were expecting a boy, collecting clothes, setting up the room and finally labor. Yep!-Contrary to how I felt, pregnancy didn't last forever! In fact, we were two weeks early! Thank the Lord our birth experience was overall a wonderful experience. Amazingly, it was much easier than I had expected. (I once had a kidney stone and I dare say my birth was easier.)
       After three years of marriage, our baby had finally come to us! There is no feeling in this world, no emotion so great as that moment your baby is handed to you-it is incomparable. I can't find words to describe that wonderful moment, but I know all you parents know what I am talking about. Little Connor was in my arms and as I looked over this perfect creation, those nine months that once seemed so long now seemed all too short. Surely something this perfect should take longer to create. One look at him, and I was in love!
       Here I sit, three months later, and I can truly say that motherhood is the greatest thing that has happened to us. Nat agrees, and cannot imagine his life without Connor-how empty it would be! Before I had my little angel, I was warned about how much my life would change, how much work a child requires, how much of an expense, how much I would have to give up for him. There were times I was terrified of what was to come.
       As I sit here I can say that yes, my life is completely different; yes, my time is devoted almost completely to my child; yes, diapers cost money. But I would give that and so much more to have him in my life; the price is so small. There has been no inconvenience in my life thus far that would cause me to want to go back and do it differently. Motherhood has been the greatest joy-every smile, every new phase he goes through is a new memory engraved in my heart, something I will treasure forever, and that no one can ever take away from me.
       I have been told that there is so much to teach him, but so far I have been the one learning; he has taught me more than I could teach. He has changed my life! I have experienced a love that is so incredibly strong. He has taught me to love unconditionally; he has taught me desperation; he has taught me patience, simplicity, meekness, tenderness. Best of all, I have a renewed joy in life. I look forward to each new day, each new smile.
       I have learned how important a sense of humor is, because there are times when you get pooped and peed on. I have learned that every moment is what I make it, and being a mother is gonna be what I make of it. I want to look back on these years and know that I have treasured every moment of them!
       Each night as I tuck Connor in bed, I look at my little boy and I thank God for giving me this chance. I thank my son for taking off his little cherub wings and coming to Earth to be with me. I stand there exhausted, hair half clipped up, with traces of spit-up on my shirt while he looks up at me and smiles as if I am the most beautiful woman on the Earth. I wouldn't trade that for anything!

Important Correction!
      
Q: While reading over the list of points written to help prevent morning sickness I noticed one that confused me a little. I have always heard that vitamin C is not to be taken in excessive amounts during pregnancy, as it can bring on early labor or cause a miscarriage. I have read this in the CCHB and various other pregnancy and childbirth books. Could you please clarify? Thanks! -Anaik (of Micah), Mexico
       A: (Eve:) The following excerpt was printed in Eve #25, in a list of morning sickness remedies to try: "Vitamin C: 2,000 mg, three times a day unless stools loosen; if so, then cut down some." We would like to apologize for this oversight; after researching further, and looking into other sources and articles on the subject it appears that there is some evidence that consuming this amount of vitamin C in pregnancy could cause problems for the fetus. Please forgive us for this misprint.

Maternity Style Secrets

American Baby Web site
      
No matter what body type you have, these simple tricks will help you look great throughout pregnancy.
       If you're petite...
*
Stick with monochromatic tops and bottoms, which create a single line of color, lengthening your body. It helps if your shoes and stockings match, too.
* Try boat neck and other high-necked tops, which draw the eye up. A choker, short strand of pearls, or a scarf also work well.
* Go with slim-fitting styles instead of bulky ones. They won't overwhelm your delicate frame.
       If you're curvy on the bottom...
* Remember: Dark colors are slimming, so choose pants, skirts and dresses in the classic hues of black, brown, navy, dark gray, and wine.
* Avoid horizontal stripes, which will make you look wider than you are.
* Try menswear-style shirts-they're comfortable, oversized, and will minimize your hips.
       If you're tall...
* Knee-length skirts look great, because they break up the length of your body.
* Don't dress in all one color-it will make you look even taller. Instead, mix and match colors. And experiment with horizontal patterns-they'll work well on your tall frame.
* Try long jackets, either with pants or over a dress.

FROM HEAVEN'S DOORS

Home Birth: A Stretching of Our Faith

From Gabe and Marie, Russia
      
A few weeks before the delivery of my fourth daughter, Dasha, the Lord had been teaching us some lessons about trusting Him for healing. As I studied the Word about healing, I discovered that often I believe the Lord can do the miracle, but real faith is something more than that: Real faith believes that the Lord has already answered your prayer and done the miracle.
       As we were studying the Word, a quote in "Faith and Healing" gave Gabe the idea that maybe we should have our delivery at home. As Dad said, "There are millions of people in the world for thousands of years who without faith and without God have had perfectly normal births-without faith because it is just the normal, natural thing. But because in our system it has become the normal thing to have the doctors and medicine, we think we are exercising great faith to have normal childbirth, when actually that shouldn't take so much faith."
       Well, honestly speaking, I didn't like the idea. My last two children were born in the best hospital in the city. Gabe was allowed in for the birth, the doctors were quite cooperative, I had the room all to myself after the delivery, the baby stayed with me and I could take care of it. The hospital took care of supplying me with clean nappies for the baby, gave pads for the after-birth bleeding and took care of the baby's umbilical cord. Besides that, I could get checked after the birth and if I needed stitches they did them right away. The atmosphere in the hospital was such that I could rest a little bit and get used to the baby before I came back home and had all my other children to think about and take care of.
       Of course, there are disadvantages of hospital deliveries too. So if you go to the hospital you need to have perfect faith that that is where the Lord wants you to be, and you must be ready to cooperate with the doctors. (I won't get into details about disadvantages here. There is a very good article about it in CCHB1 pgs.157-158.)
       The main doctor at the hospital is our friend and she again agreed that we could have my delivery there for free. The hospital was going to close for renovations before my due date, but the Lord miraculously moved the closing date to later.-So I didn't see any reason why I should give birth at home when I had this wonderful door opened, everything taken care of, and only two weeks before my due date to prepare for a home delivery!
       Still, we prayed about the idea and the Lord showed us through three separate prophecies that we should have the baby at home! He said He would bless me if I went to the hospital as well, and that I shouldn't feel condemned to do so, but that He wanted us to stretch our faith and have it at home.
       I had a big battle about it. I really wanted the Lord's highest will, but I had a hard time having the faith. Then I set out a fleece that I would have it at home if I could find a nice and experienced midwife to help me. I was worried that I might have some complications, because my last two babies got stuck during the birth and I had to have the doctor and midwife pushing on my stomach to help them come out.
       So we went looking and right away found a sweet Christian midwife who agreed to come for the delivery. But I still wasn't sure. At that moment I didn't have the peace to go to the hospital, nor to have a home delivery. It really made me desperate with the Lord, and He gave a beautiful prophecy. Here is a part of it: "I've already told you that for the purpose of stretching your faith, I would that you have your baby at home. I promise that as you give your all to Me in this way, as you put your trust in Me only-not in the skill of the doctor or the experience of the midwife or anybody else-I'll be your doctor and midwife and pediatrician and all that you need to have to be well taken care of during and after delivery.
       "I promise you that as you put your trust in Me completely and let Me stretch your faith this way, you won't be disappointed. This will be the best delivery ever, the most wonderful experience of delivering your children. So don't put your trust in the experience of the doctors.-It fails. Don't put your trust in the experience of the midwife.-She may not be able to come. Rest completely on the promises I gave you. Prepare physically. Do what you can to have everything ready and waiting so you can be peaceful and relaxed when the time comes. Read about the delivery, fill yourself with the subject, but most importantly be sure to spend the time with Me so I (your Doctor) will be able to strengthen you spiritually, fill you with My Spirit, and give you the peace and faith that you need.
       "Sweetheart, at the same time I want to let you know that if for some reason you choose to go to the hospital, I'll bless you anyway and I'll keep you and protect you. You won't need to feel condemned. I'll understand, okay? But just as I told you, I designed the situation this way so you have the choice."
       In the prophecy Gabe received earlier, Jesus said: "Today is a new day. Old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. You are entering the new era, an era of faith, when you'll be asked to do many things that will seem contrary to the conditions and circumstances-sometimes even contrary to your advantages. I will ask you to leave the good to obtain the best. You are only entering this era and each step should be made in full faith. If in doubt, don't!"
       He also reminded me about the quote from the "Faith and Healing" Letter: "God doesn't like forced faith-when you have no alternative, no choice, when you have to trust Him because there is nothing else you can do. Most Christians can then trust God because He is all that is left. But God likes the kind of faith that when there is a choice, when there is the decision, when there is an alternative, the great faith still chooses God in spite of all the other possibilities! It is impossible to have faith unless you have the Word." It's amazing, but these prophecies and quotes washed all my doubts away!
       We started eagerly preparing for the delivery. We gathered all the needed stuff, studied the CCHB1, watched videos, etc. I listed the prayer requests for me and the baby, and we prayed for all these things together. I got excited about having my baby at home and even started to get a little impatient while waiting. The Lord told me to ask Him to "make the train go" (like in the Grandpa story "Stop the Train") when I was ready.
       So on May 2, in the afternoon (after having some rest in the morning) I asked the Lord to start the labor! And can you imagine?-My water bag broke during quiet time. We'd prepared the room, and while my labor started the kids went for get-out. (We told them Mommy would have the baby today, and they were praying for me and the baby, and couldn't wait to see it!)
       Heavier contractions started around 7 PM. The kids ate and watched a video with some of the other adults. Gabe was with me all the time. He was a big help and encouragement.
      
At 9 PM I was ready to push, and at 9:10 our baby was born, all nice and pink and so cute. She was lying on my tummy and we called the kids to see her. They were already in their beds getting ready for the night, praying that they could see the baby before they fell asleep. While she was still on my tummy the placenta came out by itself without a single push from me. Daddy cut the cord.
       Well, I sure had the most wonderful doctor (Jesus!) and most wonderful assistants (Gabe, Dove and Mark). A couple of hours later we went to the clinic for a checkup. This delivery was the first time I didn't tear, and the first time I could sit up right after giving birth! I had to have stitches with all my babies and the stitches hurt for weeks, but this time, everything was just fine.
       The next day the doctor from our children's clinic came to see the baby. The baby is all happy and healthy and growing. I must say that the Lord answered every prayer request on my list! (Although one thing I didn't put on my prayer list I am sure I will never forget again: I forgot to pray that the afterbirth contractions wouldn't be so painful.-From what I understand, they get more painful after each birth. These were even harder on me than the birth contractions! But otherwise, it was sure the best delivery yet!)
       I wrote this testimony not to encourage you to have a home delivery, but to follow the Lord in your situation. If we follow Him, everything goes just fine. He is faithful to keep all His promises. We pray that you will follow Him in perfect faith and peace in everything you do.


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