12 Foundation Stones - Study Notes for Class 5A --------------------- Success with People --------------------- The Golden Rule, Part 1 -> Target: Be loving! Key Verses John 15:12 - This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Matthew 7:12 - Whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. 1 John 4:7 - Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. ----------------------- Suggested Bible Reading <> Matthew chapters 22–28 ------------------------- Other Recommended Reading <> Love's Many Faces (Get Activated! Book) ----------------- Prayer and Praise: "Lord, Please Help Me to Show Your Love!" Lord, I know that You care for people through people, and even the little things I do can mean a lot. Help me to share with others the light of my smile, some kindness. There are so many people searching for love! People everywhere are looking around for some little ray of hope, some salvation, some bright spot somewhere! Help me to show them that a little love exists, a little mercy. Help them to know through the ways I show them love that You exist, because You are Love! You told us, "By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren" (1 John 3:16). Help my heart to be filled to overflowing with Your Love, that it might spill out and bring some joy to those around me. Amen. ---------- Meditation: Getting Along with People - Using Love as Your Guide (see the attached picture) 1. Speak to people 2. Smile at people 3. Address people by their name 4. Be friendly and helpful 5. Communicate 6. Be concerned 7. Be generous with praise, encouragement and appreciation 8. Be genuinely interested in the feelings of others 9. Avoid arguments 10. Be alert to give service It all boils down to what Jesus said nearly 2,000 years ago: "Love the Lord with all your heart and soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself. Whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them" (Matthew 22:37–40; 7:12). These are not just some Bible verses or some abstract spiritual principle, but this is something to base your life on! How do I want to be loved and treated? That's how I should love and treat others. Who do I meet when I'm out and about during the day? They need love, encouragement, cheerfulness, comfort, hope, peace, concern and compassion just like I do - and the Lord most of all, of course. What if that person on the street or in the shop or school was me? How would I want to be loved and reached? My family at home deserves the same love, appreciation and support. How can I help make my home a true home of hearts? --------------------------------------- Getting to Know the Bible: The Book of Luke --------------------------------------- Luke, the author of the Gospel of Luke and the book of Acts, was a Greek doctor who was a friend and companion of the apostle Paul (Colossians 4:14 – "the beloved physician"). He is the only writer of the New Testament who was not Jewish. Luke addressed the book to "Theophilus," whose name translates as "lover of God." Perhaps this was an individual or perhaps this was written to anyone who loves God. He seemed to be writing especially for the Gentiles, as Luke took care to explain Jewish customs to the reader and sometimes substituted Greek names for Hebrew. The Gospel of Luke is the most complete biography of Jesus - at least half of what he describes in his Gospel is not found in any other book of the Bible. Luke described what Jesus was like - details of His character, prayer, how human He was, and His great loving concern. Some of the most famous parables are found in the Gospel of Luke: the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:30–37), the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11–32), the Sower (Luke 8:4–15), etc. Luke's Gospel is sometimes referred to as the Gospel of "The Son of Man." It emphasizes Jesus' sympathetic attitude toward the poor, the lowly, and the outcasts. The poor disciples (6:20); the sinful woman (7:37); Mary Magdalene (8:2); the Samaritans (10:33); publicans and sinners (15:1); the deserted beggar (16:20–21); the lepers (17:12); the dying thief (23:43), etc. This Gospel also emphasizes prayer. It contains three parables on prayer not found in the other Gospels. The friend at midnight (11:5–8); the unjust judge (18:1–8); the Pharisee and publican (18:9–14). It contains Jesus' prayers - at His baptism (3:21); in the wilderness (5:16); before choosing the disciples (6:12); at the transfiguration (9:29); before giving the Lord's Prayer (11:1); for Peter (22:32); in the garden of Gethsemane (22:44); on the cross (23:46), etc. ----------------------- Supplementary Reading ----------------------- Ten Tips for Getting Along with People, Using Love as Your Guide! 1. Speak to people Colossians 4:6a - Let your speech always be with grace. Every now and then someone takes a poll of husbands and wives to see what are the most common complaints that spouses have about each other. Invariably, "not being noticed," in one form or another, heads the list. Many husbands cannot understand why a wife will have her feelings hurt because he does not notice her new hat or new hairdo. But the wife believes that his failure to notice the new hat means that he has not really looked at her - that he has not really paid any special attention to her. This, in turn, means that he does not consider her important enough to notice closely. Don't underestimate "small courtesies" such as being on time for an appointment. It is by such small things that we acknowledge the importance of the other person. Unfortunately, we are often more courteous to strangers than to home folks. Try treating your family and friends with the same courtesy you show new acquaintances. Remind yourself that other people are important, and your attitude will get across to the other person. Starting today, begin to notice other people more. 2. Smile at people Proverbs 15:13 - A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance. Be God's smile At a mission hall in London, a wealthy lady, who was unfortunately deaf, made good use of her riches by providing for the poor some excellent Gospel services. On one occasion a celebrated preacher said to her, "And what part do you take in this noble work?" "Oh," she answered quietly, "I smile them in, and I smile them out again." Soon after this the preacher saw the good results of her sympathy as a crowd of working men entered the hall and looked delighted to get a smile from her. The Bread of Life cannot be recommended to people by those who look as if that food disagreed with them. 3. Address people by their name Most people don't remember names for the simple reason that they don't take the time and expend the energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds. They make excuses for themselves; they are too busy. Napoleon the Third, Emperor of France and nephew of the great Napoleon, boasted that in spite of all his royal duties he could remember the name of every person he met. His technique? Simple. If he didn't hear the name distinctly, he said, "So sorry, I didn't get the name clearly." Then, if it was an unusual name, he would ask, "How is it spelled?" During the conversation he took the trouble to repeat the name several times, and tried to associate it in his mind with the person's features, expression and general appearance. If the person was someone of importance, Napoleon went to even further pains. As soon as he was alone, he wrote the name down on a piece of paper, looked at it, concentrated on it, fixed it securely in his mind and then tore up the paper. In this way he gained a visual impression of the name as well as an audible impression. 4. Be friendly and helpful Unselfishness - the J O Y formula - Jesus, Others, You The lost shoe This story is told of Mahatma Gandhi. He was standing in the doorway of an open railway carriage as it moved slowly out of an Indian station, when one of his shoes slipped off and fell on to the track. Quickly he took off his other shoe and dropped that on to the track, too. Seeing the puzzled look of a fellow passenger, Gandhi said, "A poor man may find a pair of shoes now. One wouldn't be much good to him." It's wonderful to think not only in terms of how things affect ourselves, but also in terms of how they affect others. Loving-kindness A class of eight-year-old boys was asked to explain the meaning of loving-kindness; one youngster replied, "If I were hungry and someone gave me a piece of bread and butter ... that would be kindness, but if they put lots of jam on it ... that would be loving-kindness." 5. Communicate Proverbs 15:23 - A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, and a word spoken in due season, how good it is! Here is a list of key factors needed in order to have good communication with anyone - your husband or wife, your peers, young people, older people, friends and co-workers: <> Honesty. Unless there's honesty in communication you're going to get your wires crossed. A good foundation to have if you want to get off on the right foot with someone is to be completely honest and open. <> Tact. As soon as you realize you must be completely honest, you must also pray and ask the Lord to help you be prayerful and loving in the way you express things, especially things that are of a sensitive nature. <> Love. Love is what motivates you to be truthful and sincere with others, as well as tactful when the occasion warrants it. <> Wisdom. In order to know the difference between when you should be as open as possible and when it would be better to be more careful with your words, you need to pray for wisdom. <> Sensitivity. The sensitivity we're referring to here is that of being responsive and attentive to the needs of others. It's helpful to try to be sensitive to others' moods and feelings when communicating. <> Courage. Having the faith that overcomes the fears and hesitations you have about communicating, and which expects a positive response. <> Sense of timing. Timing is vital in communication. Of course, in the smaller matters that you discuss with others on a daily basis, it's important that you simply communicate often. But when the subject is a little sensitive, requires privacy, or may mean unpleasant news or changes for someone, then it's wise to choose the timing of your presentation - when they're not in the middle of a demanding project, or coming to the close of a hectic day. <> Prayerfulness. Mental prayerfulness is good in any situation, constantly praying for wisdom, for "in the multitude of words there lacketh not sin." But verbal prayerfulness is also a good habit to acquire in communicating with others. If you have a work-related matter or some kind of delicate situation to discuss - or even when it's just fellowship but you don't know what topics are going to come up - pause for a moment and say a prayer. Acknowledging the Lord helps you to go slower, to have more respect for each other and for the Lord, and it also empowers the Lord to make your time beneficial and not hurtful or frustrating. <> Patience. Good communication requires patience. Everyone is different and has different ways of looking at situations and solving them, so it takes patience to see things as someone else sees them, and also come to a common ground of agreement. <> Respect. You must respect the other person's opinions and feelings. The most obvious way this is manifested in communication with others is in letting them say their piece without interrupting or trying to hurry them along or fi nish their sentences for them. <> Sense of humor. Lighten up! Often people hold things in, so that when they finally do take the plunge to communicate about a matter, they come across too strongly or defensively. It pays to lighten up together if things are getting too intense or unnecessarily "heavy." <> Silence. Yes, surprisingly, the art of being silent is a quality much needed sometimes in communication, or rather the art of listening. It's no use trying to come to an agreement with someone if you are merely thinking about what you're going to say while they're voicing their opinion. Be like the wise old owl: The less he spoke the more he heard! <> Openness to others. People will be much more at ease communicating with you if you make a habit of being open to what others have to say. <> Humility. It doesn't pay to carry the attitude around that you're always right. Pride stalemates communication more than any other trait. Also, like the fable of the wind and the sun, you will find that as you take the lower seat of hearing people out and sincerely considering their opinions, they will be more open to yours as well. <> Regular communication. Good communication should not be saved for special occasions, but should be a part of your everyday life. People who communicate frequently understand each other the best, and are more likely to be able to work through problems when they come up. <> Clarity. Explain, explain, explain. You may think others understand exactly what you mean, but it may surprise you to realize that misunderstandings arise every day in people's lives for lack of clarity. If you're not sure whether someone understands what you mean, ask them! It's a lot more efficient than guesswork. <> Talking. This may seem humorous to some people, but there are many people who settle for subtle hints, signals, and cryptic messages as their sole forms of communication, whether working together, or trying to iron out some problem. Unfortunately, the success rate for those forms of communication is minimal, and nothing beats talking - both to each other and, most of all, to the Lord. Try it! <> Willingness. Communication takes just plain hard work. It takes a lot of effort, but the rewards of friendship, harmony, unity, and mature relationships are well worth the energy spent - as long as you're willing to do it! 6. Be concerned Galatians 6:2 - Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. How do you acquire understanding? It's the realization that we are all human beings. We carry on in unexplainable ways. We often behave according to emotion rather than logic. Tolerance, in a way, is simply accepting people as they are. Most people come with a lot of virtues and a few defects, some positive and a little negative, always some plus and always some minus. Strangely enough, there is a tendency to expect individuals to be faultless. In one's mind is painted a picture of what the employee, marriage partner, or friend should be. When the person falls short of the expectations, the picture becomes scarred; anger and agitation result. Practice looking for good in others. Remember that you can have only one thought in your mind at once; if it is a positive thought of another, you have no need to strain for tolerance, you have achieved it! Being intolerant causes you discontent, misery, even sickness! At the point where you become provoked or irritated with another person, you have ceased to tolerate that person. When this occurs, you are actually burning nervous energy at a rate 3 to 4 times faster than normal! On a day when you are frustrated and upset with people - when your contacts with people are abrasive - then you are often completely exhausted mentally and physically before the day is over. The individual with no unlikable qualities presents no challenge to an attitude of understanding. The challenge is to love the unlovable, to understand the people who may exaggerate, show off, criticize, be sarcastic, arrogant, selfish, sourly or rude. It's difficult to even want to understand these people. It requires compassion to understand that someone has hurt these people. Someone has made them feel unimportant and unwanted - that they don't count. A sense of humor helps in dealing with people. If you're going to analyze all your associations solemnly and soberly with unrelenting seriousness, you're going to lose a lot of sleep. People are funny, interesting, fascinating, and lovable, and like snowflakes, no two are alike. Have empathy. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the other person's situation. Laugh with those who laugh, cry with those who cry, rejoice in the happiness of those about you, and suffer with others who suffer. Empathy is feeling the feelings of those you love and care about. "In their shoes" It was the custom of an Indian tribe to appoint a judge to go into the Indian villages and try evildoers. One time a young brave was chosen for the task. He wanted to judge righteously. He went into a dense, dark forest and prayed, "Oh Great Maker of Men, forbid that I judge any man until I have walked for two months in his moccasins!" 7. Be generous with praise, encouragement, and appreciation Philippians 4:8 - Whatever things are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things. Praise spurs people to achieve, gives them inner confidence, and makes them grow. But how many flowers go ungiven? How many compliments go unsaid? How many people do you admire for certain qualities or accomplishments but have never bothered saying so? Why not practice praise? When you do, consider these thoughts: <> Be sincere; don't give flattery. Being sincere is just a matter of looking for the good in others. You'll find it if you're sincerely looking. <> Be specific. Don't just say a person is "nice" or "good." Pick out specific things to praise. 8. Be genuinely interested in the feelings of others There is no quicker way to insult a person or to hurt his feelings than to brush him off or turn away when he's trying to tell you something. How many times have you been right in the middle of a good story only to have one of your listeners turn away or interrupt you and start talking about a brand-new subject? Learning to listen to the other person with everything you've got means putting aside your own interests, your own pleasures and your own preoccupations, at lest temporarily. For those few moments of time it means that you must concentrate 100% on what the other person is saying. You must focus all your attention on him. You must listen to him with all the intensity and awareness that you can command. Listen between the lines A lot of times you can learn more by what the other person doesn't say than by what he does. So learn to listen between the lines. Just because he didn't say that he doesn't want to do it your way isn't any sign that he does. The speaker doesn't always put everything he's thinking into words for you. Watch for the changing tone and volume of his voice. Sometimes you will find a meaning that's in direct contrast to his spoken words. And watch his facial expression, his mannerisms, his gestures and the movements of his body. To be a good listener and to listen with everything you've got means you'll have to use your eyes as well as your ears. 9. Avoid arguments 2 Timothy 2:24 - And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient. Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out (Proverbs 17:14). By choosing your words wisely, you can avoid provoking an argument (Proverbs 15:1; 17:9; Ecclesiastes 5:2a). "Love, humility and prayer solve all problems!" (Philippians 2:3; Colossians 3:13). 10. Be alert to give service John 13:13–15 - You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. How sorry are you? An old Quaker, passing along the street, saw a cartman's horse suddenly fall dead. It was a serious loss, for the horse was the man's livelihood. The bystanders shook their heads and clucked sympathetically. The Quaker took off his broad-brimmed hat, placed a banknote in it, and said, "Friends, I am sorry for this man, ten dollars' worth. How sorry are you?" God's Hand In a prayer meeting a man prayed with great fervor. The burden of his prayer had to do with a family that had suddenly been bereft of the father and husband. "O God," pleaded the intercessor, "do send someone to that grief-stricken family to touch them for You!" Suddenly the man lapsed into silence. Quietly he withdrew from the group. Before the prayer meeting concluded, he returned. Asked why he concluded his prayer so abruptly, and why he withdrew without explanation, he said, "As I prayed that God would touch that sorrowing family, He seemed to say to me, `You are My Hand! You go and touch them for Me!" (END)